…that moving things from place to place, isn’t cleaning.
CN: Unedited stream of consciousness.
I had the start of this poem floating around in my head, keeping me from sleep. I decided to write it down and see where it went. Continue reading “Blue Moon: a Poem”
Tonight was the second week of Season 2 of the factions.
Earlier this week, I received a proper 3-set of knives. They’re Cold Steel brand, meant for sport throwing, and made out of 1055 Carbon Steel: a slightly higher grade of steel for knives, better able to handle impact without breaking or chipping.
I can’t help always wanting to personalize things, so I decided to paint them. Since the place is called In the Air Guild, I decided to go for a bit of a Fantasy Elements theme: A siren for water, a fire elemental for fire, and Medusa for earth. The Air comes into play when they’re thrown. Continue reading “Faction Night the Second”
CN: emesis, classism, fatphobia from doctors, medical negligence, disordered eating
Tomorrow, on December 28th, at 1:30 pm EST, I am taking my 13 year old schnoodle Tsuki to the vet for the final time.
In the past two years I’ve fallen in love with my hair. I’ll post pictures and videos of my bouncing curls. I’ll apologize to my friends for maybe appearing shallow but to please indulge me. But it hasn’t always been this way. In the past I regarded my hair as a nuisance. Something that needed taming; kept small.
Monday was an interesting brain day. Earlier in the weekend, I discovered that my Vyvanse, aka my ADHD pills, were out of refills. I had previously asked the pharmacist to fax my doctor to get the next one, however, due to a miscommunication it wasn’t done. I was stuck on Sunday not having any. Vyvanse is an amphetamine, which means I proceeded to go into Amphetamine withdrawal of sort, as well as experiencing a bit of an upswing in ADHD symptoms.
I finally managed to get my pill earlier on Monday, but it takes a while for the effects to really kick in. I was driving back from the pharmacy (I made sure to go when I was most awake, and it’s only a few blocks from my home), when I once again noticed a place I had been curious about for some time.
This old restaurant was converted recently into an indoor knife throwing place.
I’ve long had an interest in edged weapons. I’m a fan of swords, daggers, knives, and the fantasy worlds they inhabit in literature and the imagination. I’ve written characters who are proficient at throwing knives, and often wondered exactly what it would be like.
Here was an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to get a feel for how to write it, and a chance to do something fun.
My heart feels scarred. I’m numb; it should hurt but all I feel is an empty feeling where the pain should be
My heart feels heavy but it doesn’t hurt like I think it should, and it’s heavy because it’s tired. I’m tired of being abused. I don’t really believe anybody does anything to deserve abuse but then I have to wonder what have I done? Why me?
Continue reading “A Broken Vase”
The past few months have been a struggle. As you know, my ex and I split this summer after 7 years. Over the past few years, I’ve come to rely on my partner to help me with household chores I find difficult because of pain. Being newly single has meant trying to handle those tasks despite my impairment.
The result has been varied.
Things like laundry, in particular, are difficult to manage. Between the actual motivation barrier imposed by executive dysfunction as well as ADHD, and the physical burden of carrying a heavy load downstairs, bending over to both pull out clothing from the hamper and to put it into the machines, transferring the whole thing into dryers, hauling it back upstairs, and then standing and folding – it’s been a hassle and a half trying to get it done in a reasonable time period. This week even, I had to ask for help in getting it done, since my back just couldn’t handle it.
Other things have managed to become a bit easier thanks to the help from my new roommate in making things more accessible.
For the past month, we’ve been working on trying to consolidate our things while still leaving enough room in the kitchen to actually prep food. This has meant countless hours, designing and building shelves, installing pegboards, trying to figure out appropriate storage containers for all and sundry. Because of my new roommates schedule, it’s been a strange mix of two days a week of being able to unpack and consult together, followed by the rest of the time being the only one home to try and make sense of things.
In addition to trying to organize and manage the common spaces, I am still working on my room/office. Trying to organize things so that I can easily manage by ADHD, work on writing, switch to artist mode, work on some home improvement task, and record videos, all while keeping in mind my difficulties with frequent bending, lifting, and also making space for things like sleeping and having clothes, has been a challenge. Trying to balance all that with still having to get things done involving my various art supplies, has been particularly entertaining to navigate.
I feel like I’ve been living out of boxes and mess for months, though I haven’t stopped working on cleaning and organizing in all that time.