20 Days



I didn’t realize it was that close.

July 16th, 2022 was when she pushed me.

I didn’t know it then but it would mean so much shit would come to light about her.

I know I cannot anticipate feelings. I don’t know how I’ll be that day.

And however I am that day, I don’t need me judging it one way or another.

But now? I’m suddenly very sad. I think because today being Stitch Day (6/26) and Stitch’s speech about his family meant so much to me. So it’s heavy on my mind; all I lost.

Anyway here’s a story:

I was talking to friend about it while it was happening but BB didn’t spend any time with us at the pride picnic cuz she’s pigheaded and didn’t listen to me about parking. It was a microcosm of our relationship at that point. She thinks she knew better than everyone. Better than me. Even after reading the suggestions the picnic organizers posted. She knew better than them.

And so

What was supposed to be a good day, was marred by her stubbornness and some other stuff going on with my kiddo. All the while I’m trying to hold everything together with gum and smiles.

PD:

I have been scarce but that’s because I am back in NY after leaving almost three years ago to marry my now ex-wife. I will write more about that and what happened soon. I just needed to get the above out of my head.

20 Days
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Shelter Food

I was thinking of writing about my current living situation, which is that I and TJ are back in NY and living in a homeless shelter. I left BB, after an instance of abuse. There were other issues that I won’t get into just yet. I only left a month ago.

I guess I’m still untangling the bullshit that were the last few months of our five year relationship and some other issues I hadn’t really paid attention to and thought I could just ignore because everything else was going so well, or so I thought.

Instead of writing about that, for now, I’ll write about shelter living. This isn’t our first time in the NYC homeless shelter system unfortunately. So TJ and I were at least somewhat prepared.

For this first post about shelter life, I want to share about the food. There are positives in that there is food provided every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But most of the time, it’s not good. And I don’t mean in terms on taste, although that is also an issue. These meals are microwaveable and sometimes they’re drowning in water. Too much to simply pat with a paper towel. There’s also the issue that most of the time they’ve been serving different types of pasta. Poor people deserve to have variety and tasty options.

Thankfully, they do provide plenty of fruits like bananas, apples, oranges and even kiwis. They also provide small cartons of milk, and little cups of juice.

In our room, we have a mini fridge but no stove. So when we don’t eat the meals provided by the shelter, we either eat at my brother’s place or have microwaveable meals I bought.

After four weeks of microwaveable meals, I can honestly I am sick of them. I did mention I buy some microwaveable dinners myself and that’s because I was given emergency food stamps (now known as SNAP). I am still waiting to hear if I’m approved for SNAP, cash assistance and Medicaid.

The following photos are of some the meals we’ve gotten so far.

Stuffed shells with mixed veggies
Pizza and broccoli
Pasta with meat sauce that mostly meat
Cheese crepes with veggies. This was interesting but not good. The crepes were frozen so I had to microwave them but the cheese was sweet and it did not taste good hot.
Stuffed pepper with barely any pepper, couscous and carrots
More pasta and veggies
Swedish meatballs and some pasta
Mashed potatoes, veggies and cinchen

We get a lot of repeat meals, They just put them out again if no one takes them which makes sense. But poor people deserve variety and tasty food too. 
Today we’re eating dinner at my brother’s and I realize that is a privilege, I know a lot of people do not have family that can help them. 

Meals are also served between certain times and sometimes, I have appointments or other obligations and I miss meal time. Eating out is expensive, food at the supermarket is expensive and I still haven’t heard about approval from welfare yet. 

This is just one glimpse into my life. If you want to help me survive, there are several ways. 

PayPal

Note: My PayPal is a business account so I will pay a fee every time when you send me something so account for that. I tried downgrading my account but couldn’t. If you prefer, venmo is the best way to help currently. 

Venmo: @sunflowerpunksjw

Thank you

Sunflower Punk

Shelter Food

Let’s Chat: Ignoring Community Input on Strategic Priorities for the OPS

On Saturday July 14th, I signed up to attend a community consultation on Strategic Priorities for the Ottawa Police Service for the coming years. I attended at the request of a friend, an anti-torture activist who is desperately trying to convince the police force to stop the new policy that would give a taser to every police officer in Ottawa.

I agreed to attend not just because she asked me too, but also because for some time I’ve been thinking of ways to improve accessibility in Policing. Also, because I wanted to be a white face bringing up racism against people of colour.

Institutional Racism in the force is a problem that is starting to be talked about by more people not directly influenced by it, as it should, and is a major issue that needs MORE attention than it is currently getting. A related issue however is Institutional Ableism.

A recent review of fatal police interactions in Canada shows that most people killed by police are disabled. Something like 72% of those killed in police interactions were shown to be mentally ill or to have substance abuse problems, which is itself also considered a mental health issue.

In the US, 1 in 2 people killed by cops is disabled.

Continue reading “Let’s Chat: Ignoring Community Input on Strategic Priorities for the OPS”

Let’s Chat: Ignoring Community Input on Strategic Priorities for the OPS

What Are the Chances?

CN: Discussion of Statistics in relations to disability, other social issues, sexual assault, and abuse.

There are times when I am talking to someone about my life- about the fact that I’m scared of new proposed laws making it harder for me to survive in Ontario, or about how I’m one particularly unlucky day away from being homeless – when I get the feeling like the person I’m talking to thinks I’m exaggerating. They get this look on their faces that makes it clear they’re just humoring me by not pointing out how ridiculous I’m being. Meanwhile, I’m already minimizing how severe my situation is out of fear of being accused of exaggerating. Worse still, my circumstances are relatively minor compared to that of many of my friends and readers. 

When they don’t automatically dismiss what I’m saying as being hyperbole, the people I speak with assume that my case is rare – an exception. A circumstance not worthy of planning against because it’s unlikely to happen again. And yet? Every day I meet someone new in the same type of situation I find myself in. It’s become so textbook, some people look at me as though I’m performing magic when I manage to guess the ridiculous circumstances they find themselves in or repeat almost verbatim what they’ve heard from doctors, therapists, or other people.

It’s a matter of framing, of perspective.

To someone in the mainstream, what is happening to me must be the result of either something I did wrong, or something extremely rare, or impossible. It seems like the probability of all the things going wrong that go wrong happening seem impossible.

What are the chances that every relationship you’ve been in is abusive?

What are the chances that so many of your doctors end up incompetent? That so many doctors end up holding biased opinions?

What are the chances that everyone around you is so terrible? Doesn’t it seem more likely that you are the problem? Statistically speaking that is?

READ MORE

What Are the Chances?

Life After Domestic Violence

CN: description of r*pe, uncensored use of that word, domestic violence, violations of privacy, coercion, alcohol, emesis

Heed the content notice, while this post ends on a positive note, the bulk of it is tough and potentially triggering. Please take your time and take a break if you need to.

Continue reading “Life After Domestic Violence”

Life After Domestic Violence

Quebec’s Bill 62 puts abuse victims at risk

If you’ve been following Canadian news at all, you might have heard about a new bill that passed in Quebec. Bill 62 which essentially mandates that you cannot access public services, including bus transportation, if your face is covered.

This is just the latest in a history of bills aimed at specifically targeting Muslim women, including the horrible Values Charter and many other suggestions. They parrot similar laws passed in France, also aimed at the increasing number of refugees from Islamic countries.

The bill is racist, plain and simple. It is legislative legitimization of said racism, giving bigots a convenient cover for discriminating against brown people. Yes, Islam is a religion, but the social perception of “Muslim” is of someone with darker skin. Additionally, there is a tendency to presume that all brown people are Muslim. Many Sikh people and Indian people of various faiths have faced discrimination in Canada and the US, with a strong implication that the bigot in question assumes them to be Islamic.

Continue reading “Quebec’s Bill 62 puts abuse victims at risk”

Quebec’s Bill 62 puts abuse victims at risk