So, while I was at Skepticon, shit was going down in my own town.  Black Lives Matter has been protesting in front of the 4th Precinct in reaction to the death of Jamar Clark by the police.  Some of my local friends have been out there, helping out and being awesome or being awesome allies.

And then last night, shit got worse. Five people shot by cowardly agitators.  They want to provoke their little race war so badly, provoke us to a response just so they can have their war as “self-defense”.  They’re cowards and fuck an entire bowl of them.

I could get on a bus right now and be there.  I could have been part of the response march.  I could be there, supporting those victimized by the police after the shootings with mace and nonsense.

But, thanks to fibro and anxiety, I can’t.  And that shit makes me feel helpless.  No, I can’t walk in a march.  No, I can’t be around huge groups of people, especially with the fear of violence with each breath.

And I feel, again, helpless.

See, back during Secular Women Work, myself and the ever awesome Trinity did a workshop about activism while disabled.  There are things you can do, if you can’t do what is seen as standard “activism”.  And I find myself trying to keep that in mind tonight.

I can retweet information.

I can put stories on blast.

I can write this post.

There are things I can do.  There are things that you, if you sitting here looking at a cane or a wheelchair or your stack of meds or your whatever is keeping you keeping on, can do to help those on the ground.  Got extra blankets?  Or can get to a thrift shop to get cheap blankets/hats/gloves? Can you get them to an occupation?  You don’t have to stay. Can’t get out of the house?  Do you have a friend who can do this for you?

Have access to social media? Share these stories. Share announcements. Given how bullshit the media can be (looks at her local paper and sets it on fire. Passive voice my black ass), social media is where you can get what’s going on and spread the word.

And, most importantly, if it’s too much, you can break away.  You can rest.  This goes double if you CAN show up.  Self-care is a very radical act.  No one is any good when burnt out.


Cry Moar, White Feminists (TM)

How did I miss this opinion piece on Ebony, entitled “You Ain’t the ONLY Woman: The White Cis Grasp on Womanhood Is Failing“.  Reading it made me want to raise a fan and wave it like we were at a summer revival. Praise Intersectionality! Hallelujah Actual Sisterhood! Preach that good word, Pastor Lesli-Ann Lewis, and pass the collection plate!

Especially this line:

If the White man’s burden was to bring the “savage” to civilization, then in 2015 the White woman’s burden is to teach the rest of us bumbling half-humans how to be women.

Ohh, I felt that deep in my non-existent soul!

Given the repeated historical nonsense that comes every single time White Feminism (TM) and everyone else clash, this article was wonderfully timed, even back in June.  It’s still needed.  All of the other articles addressing this is needed.  This article you’re reading right now is needed *dusts off massive ego*.  Why?

Because the same shit keep happening, y’all.  White Feminism (TM) keeps trying to hold on to the mic and hold up all the seats at the table, saving the space for only those who are like them – or who agree with them.  And the rest of us ain’t asking for space anymore.  We’re snatching the mic, we’re sitting down and they will just have to deal.

Sadly, they’re doing more whining than dealing.

White Feminism, when we say “take all of the seats”, we don’t mean “and leave no room for anyone”. You’re not the only “women” around.  Your feminism ain’t the only one in town, and if the choice is your way or the highway, we’re miles ahead of you, leaving you in a cloud of exhaust. Non-white women exist and are sitting down, trans women are sitting down, poor women are sitting down, non-college educated women are sitting the fuck down and you WILL hear us.  We will drown out your ridiculous bullshit, and you will HAVE to deal with us.

It’s kinda sad, really.  The day I read that TERFs who are lesbians believe that trans lesbians are just men who want to force their penises into ‘women’s’ spaces, it took all day to find my eyes, as they rolled out of my head.  I had another loss of eyes when I read various complaints by white women that non-white women are being mean to them when they fuck up.  The rage of reading things like “lynch mob” and “witch hunts” made finding the fuckers a lot easier.  I just felt for the burning, burning heat.

The whitewashing of the presence of minorities from history, like in Stonewall and Suffragette (really, any mention of black or Indian suffragettes?), will be pointed out and screamed about, because it’s bullshit.  Yes, being aware of history is important, but not at the cost of leaving us out.

I remember reading the memory of a 16 year old trans girl being surrounded and threatened and berated by a group of “womyn” at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival (may it rot in pieces), and it’s the perfect analogy.  A group of marginalized people spitting venom at one person who is even more marginalized for existing.  TERFs who treat trans people like shit, who can’t even STFU when others use inclusive terms for reproductive rights, are spitting venom at a more marginalized group.

(which is ironic, given that more inclusive language is more for the benefit of trans MEN and non-binary folk with uteruses. But any reason to shit on trans women is valid, I guess)

We have white women with blogs and speaking gigs and published book and articles and shit whining and complaining about non-white women with Twitter accounts.  And THEY’RE the victims, screaming into the mic while keeping it away from the ‘horde’ of loud uncouth women who are being “rude”.

Yeah, because calling out your bullshit is so rude.  Don’t we know that we’re supposed to sit quietly and smile?

Lewis also points out the blatant hypocrisy when it comes to sexuality.  White women “explore despite the male gaze”, non-white women “cater to the male gaze”. Beyonce can pose in front of a fucking lit sign saying “FEMINIST”, be a great role model for young girls, an awesome wife and mother to a beautiful child, but because she signs about sexy things and dances sexy, oh noes, she’s not.

Don’t get me started on Nicki Minaj.  Please. We’d be here all day and I have to go save Tamriel again.

What really gets me is that while all of this is happening, White Women (TM) still claim victimhood.  Second Wavers are crying victimhood when the next gen doesn’t give them the respect they think they’re due.  Yes, they did amazing work in their time, but this ain’t their time anymore.  That’s why there’s a Third Wave, you see.  Either catch up or be left in the dust.  You’re not the fucking victims because time has changed. We are more marginalized than you.  We don’t need your help to “feminism” properly.

Cis women, you’re not the victim when trans people call you out on your bullshit. They are more marginalized than you.  They don’t need your help to “feminism” properly.

White women, you’re not the victim when non-white women call you out on your bullshit. They are more marginalized than you.  They don’t need your help to “feminism” properly.

Do I need to go on?

Say it again, Ms. Mock:


Cry Moar, White Feminists (TM)

The Angry Black Chick

Once upon a time, I was an Angry Black Chick.

I know, some of you are saying “You’re an ABC right the fuck now”, but hold your horses, I’m telling this story.

I did a segment on a friend’s podcast where I affected a ‘ghetto accent’ and ranted about whatever was on my mind.  It was fun back then.

I look back on it now and realized I was doing a weird version of Chill Black Girl, performing for my white friends.  I’ve since dropped that, gained more friends, lost a few and am now at times Angry, at times Disappointed, at times Disgusted, and at time Mocking.

I tire of the stereotype of the Angry Black Woman, constantly militant and on edge, ready to yell “racist” at the slightest hint of wrongdoing.  For starters, it’s an off shoot of that other pernicious stereotype, the Strong Black Woman, constantly wearing the problems on the world on her back without complaint.

Fuck, if you had to carry that much shit, wouldn’t you be just a little pissed?

Also, it tells people that we have only have a few emotions, angry being the most prominent one.  It dehumanizes us, turns us into caricatures that can be dismissed.

And now I’m gonna talk about Nicki Minaj.  Nice swerve, yeah?

I’m so-so about her music.  “Anaconda” makes me wanna dance (if you haven’t seen someone twerk with a cane, you’ve not lived), and her verses on “Monster” and “My Chick Bad” make me feel like the eldricth creature I secretly am (shhhhh, don’t tell my partner. His sanity is too delicious). “Looking Ass Niggas” is amazing and the video is too.  I’m meh with her other songs.

I appreciate her weird style, her not-so-weird style, her insistence to young girls to finish school and don’t depend on no man, her insistence on doing shit her own way.  Love her or hate her, you gotta respect that from an artist.

I also didn’t watch MTV’s VMAs last night.  That requires cable, which we don’t have and watching TV, which I don’t do. Don’t worry, I’m not one of those snobs, I just can’t deal with the medium in a way that I still can’t explain, so our lovely smart TV is used by my partner when he wants to watch Netflix and me when I want to run the Pandora app or play YouTube bird videos for the cats in the office.

But, like most TV moments I want to stay informed on, I watched the hell out of my Twitter feed, and oh boy oh boy did  it light up when Miss Minaj called out human joke Miley Cyrus upon receiving her award.  Don’t get me wrong, Miley’s done good stuff with homeless teens and all that stuff, but her bullshit on Twitter is straight up White Feminism (TM).

And Nicki was awesome for calling her out on live TV. That captured video is just magnificent.

But of course, before the show even ended, keyboards were going with the thinkpieces.  About how Nicki savaged Miley, about how Nicki was “throwing shade” (wrong terminology, if you must use it, that was a straight up call out). Once again, for defending herself, Nicki gets thrown into the same box we all get thrown into when we act even a little “out of line”: The Angry Black Woman.

For defending herself, let me say that again.

When is this shit going to stop? I know that answer.  As long as that term is used to silence us, to make us the bad guy, to make us worth not listening to (like we’re children having tantrums “not until you straighten up that attitude”), that box will always be there.

No matter what message we’re trying to convey, people, usually white people and sometimes black men, will fear our anger so much that it’s not worth listening to the message.  And that’s bullshit.

So much bullshit.

The Angry Black Chick


Today in “shit I can’t believe I have to say”:


Attitude will get you in trouble socially.  Attitude will get you fired.  Attitude will get you detention. Attitude will make you lose friends and gain enemies.

But it is not a crime. For too damned long, it’s been treated like a crime, though.

Recent case in point, the murder of Sandra Bland.  Now there’s video (that may or may not have been edited).  I’m not going to link to the video here, if you haven’t seen it yet, you can make use of the search engine of your choice.  Personally I tire of seeing Black death at police hands broadcast over and over.

According to the video, she was asked to put out her cigarette.  Not a lawful order, she didn’t have to obey. She asked repeatedly what she was being arrested for, and received no answer.  She stated that she couldn’t wait to sue, which is not a crime.  She outright stated that she had epilepsy, and the cop didn’t give a shit (I could write about how dangerous it is to be Black and disabled and having to deal with cops in this society, but that will have to wait for another day).

He didn’t care.  He didn’t get the respect he thought he deserved, and she paid the  price.

Yes, she coped an attitude.  Still not a crime.  But as we see over and over and over again, cops love to treat it like it is.  They act as if someone disrespecting their authority (insert Cartman impression here) is a crime to be punished from a beating up to death.  You know what other organizations treat disrespect as a lethal offense?


We have cops acting like stereotypical gang bangers, walking around openly armed and expecting the people to cower in fear of them and never say a bad word about or to them.  And that’s some bullshit.

What’s worse is that people actually play along with this shit.  We have people claiming that is Ms. Bland had just quietly complied with the cops unlawful and unreasonable requests, she would be alive today.  That coping an attitude with a cops is grounds for a beatdown, to be treated like a criminal when no crime had be committed.  Bow you head, say ‘yes sir/ma’am” and “No sir/ma’am”, don’t make trouble, don’t stand up for yourself.  It’ll be over sooner if you just behave.

And to that I say, Oh Hell Naw.

People get all up in their feelings when we talk shit about cops?  “Being a cops is so hard”, they say. “It’s the most dangerous job out there”, they say.  First of all, it’s not – ask an oil rigger who’s more likely to bite it on duty. Second of all, of course it’s a hard fucking job (so is being a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller).   That doesn’t give anybody license to act like damn fools with huge egos. The point is, they’re not special and we should stop treating them as such when one of them fucks up.

It’s time for the cops to get a goddamn reality check.  You have been given your authority by the People, and they are the ones you need to damn well respect.  I don’t care how many shit talking law enforcement agents you see on TV, here in the real world, giving you a “disrespectful look” ain’t a fucking crime.  It is your job, your duty, to be more responsible than the average citizen, because you have the authority to kill a motherfucker (and get away with it).  Do I need to quote Uncle Ben here?  “With Great Power Also Comes Great Responsibility”?

That mean, yes, if a clerk at a retail shop can’t punch a mean and nasty customer in the face, you can’t either.  Yes, even if they ran and made you run and catch them and you’re pissed off.  Yes, even if they called your momma everything but a child of god.  Yes, even if they make a pig and/or doughnut crack at you.  That means each and every time you strike a perp with hand or baton, you need to be held accountable (frankly, I think if you have to hit a motherfucker that ain’t tried to hit you first, that should be an instant investigation).  That means each and every bullet you fire needs to be held accountable.  That means every time you’re seen acting a fool, you get disciplined. That means remembering that yes, YOU CAN BE RECORDED ON DUTY (like a lot of other people with jobs have to put up with), so you better act right each and every time you go on duty.  We don’t want perfection, we want accountability.  We want to trust you again, and we can’t if we’re scared that the cop coming out of his car is going to be Officer Friendly or Deputy “Got Something to Prove”.

You want to improve the way we see cops?  Make them more accountable.  Toss out the heavy handed motherfuckers, the blatant racists, the homo/transphobes, the ones with a rap sheet full of complaints.  They are supposed to be serving the people, ALL OF THEM, and they damn well can’t if they’re bigots.  Take the wrongful death settlements out of their pension fund, make them feel the burn of each and every wrongdoer.  Stop punishing whistleblowers who are trying to do the right thing by exposing bullshit. Train your people on how to deal with all members of society with respect, including the disabled. END THE WAR ON DRUGS and the fucked up incentives to punish addicts just to fill the town’s “too fucked up to raise taxes” coffers.

I could go on forever, but I think it’s a start.


Put Away The Fainting Couches: What is and isn’t an Insult

(CN: mention of slurs of various sorts)

There’s this thing where apparently being called a ‘racist’ or a ‘terf’ or a ‘homophobe’ is somehow considered such a great insult that there are pearls clutched and couched fainted on and ‘how dare yous’ thrown around, and frankly, I’m done with it.

Of course it is, White Guy
Of course it is, White Guy

It’s something that I’ve seen on the left and the right.

I don't "support" you, but don't you dare call me a name like "homophobe"
I don’t “support” you, but don’t you dare call me a name like “homophobe”

…and it freaking annoying.  It’s derailing. Suddenly people have to take time out of their day to either reassure said person with their honor so besmirched, or arguing about “are they or aren’t they”, and the whole bigotry thing gets mostly ignored.  That isn’t the kind of ‘allyship’ we need.

What we need are people willing to get over their ‘honor’ whenever such accusation are tossed about and either (A) do some serious self examination and LISTENING to the people affected by the accused bigotry (If you’ve been accused of saying/doing something homophobic, and most of the people defending you are straight, you might want to check yourself) or (B) stick to your guns.

By “stick to your guns”, I mean quit complaining about being called such and stand by your statement. Understand that this may mean that those affected and their allies might continue to consider you a bigot and might not want to hear from you again.*  You’re just going to have to deal with that.  You can’t, say endorse someone who says that transwomen are just men affected by autogynophilla, say that you’re not a TERF, and expect transwomen and their allies to take you seriously.  That’s not how that works. Intention ain’t magic.  If you’ve caused offense, you either give enough of a shit to apologize (even if you don’t understand how – and surprise opportunity for education yay), or you unapologetically stick to your guns.

See how that works?

Also, these are insults: faggot, nigger, -tard, tranny, ugly, stupid, piece of dogshit rotting in the sun, professional victim. Words said with the intention to hurt, to harm, to reinforce stereotypes.

Homophobe, racist, terf, sexist, ableist, aren’t insults.  At the very least, they are descriptors.  Or a clue.  Now it would be super duper awesome if everyone took the Jay Smooth route of “what you did/said/supported was BLAH-ist” instead of “You’re a BLAH-ist”, but you know what? Expecting the marginalized to carefully curate their words all the damn time so they don’t sound so harsh and hurt someone’s feelings is bullshit.

So put away the pearls (or wear them with something cute), use the couch for something else than fainting, take responsibility for yourself and realize that there is something more important to deal with than hurt feelings and bruised honor at accusations of bigotry.

Like, you know, actual bigotry.

*Oh, and finding one or two of those marginalized who agree with you to push forward is shitty too. We’re not clones, we get to disagree with them and you. It’s “LOOK, I have Black friends” to the max.

Put Away The Fainting Couches: What is and isn’t an Insult

Uncomfortable? Then You’re Allying Just Right

Calling oneself an ally is sometimes treated as the first and last step.

Like, “hi, I’m with you people!” one minute and then, “So you can’t call me on my shit ever, or I’ll get angry and not been an ally anymore!”

Being an ally shouldn’t be easy.  It shouldn’t be conditional.  Just because a transgendered person once called you a nasty time, it shouldn’t mean that suddenly you no longer support all transgendered rights and think they should all be shoved back into closets.  Doesn’t it?

For some folks, I’m not so sure.

Being an ally also doesn’t mean you are not longer racist, sexist, etc.  We all grew up in a bigoted society.  We all have bigoted views.  It take work to sort them out.  And it’s not comfortable work.

The moment I hear a calm like “I don’t possess a single racist view”, I know I’m looking at someone who is finding their allyship of non-Whites way too easy.  I can’t count on this person.  I might as well wait until they get their feelings hurt so they can have a little tantrum and stop calling themselves my ‘ally’ anymore.

Allyship ought to be hard.  You are sorting through your own muck.  Sometimes, you get your muck called out by others, and you have to sort it out.  Sometimes you have to deal with some one else’s muck.  It’s not easy.  It’s not comfortable.

it’s not meant to be.


Yeah, calling out Uncle Bucephalus for referring to anyone as “those people” might not make for a comfy 4th BBQ, but it needs to be done.  Calling your FB friends on believing the Confederate flag isn’t a racist piece of treason cloth made for wiping my ass on isn’t comfortable, but it needs to be done.  Telling your little sibling why calling someone a ‘faggot’ is not on isn’t comfortable, but it needs to be fucking done.

And guess what, allies? You signed on for this job when you declared yourself as such.  It can’t be up to those who have to personally deal with bigotry to change minds and hearts all the fucking time.  We need y’all to stand up, risk losing that friendship, risk fucking SOMETHING, or what good are you?

And you need a better outlet for your hurt fee-fees.  Seriously.  Did you get your ass burned when called out on talking nonsense?  Did you wander into a conversation that was not for you? Were you talking more than you needed to listen? That’s very uncomfortable.


Because we can’t tend to your feelings AND discuss shit or process our feelings or whatever.  Education isn’t our job, though some have gone above and beyond doing so.  We need spaces to be hurt and commiserate.  Hey, maybe you can start something up of your own.  You can call it the Those Darn Minorities Hurt My Feelings Club.  Just do it over there.

Because if you can’t put yourself aside for a moment, while talking about how you’re gonna help us, what good are you?

And fuck, I’m no expert. The number of times I’ve fucked up on my way to allying with my transgendered siblings are many.  Misgendering, being existentialist, assuming a binary, sharing memes that were actually transphobic, and I’ve been told, and at times, not nicely, when I’ve fucked up. It has hurt. My fee-fees were sore as shit.

But I had to learn, and you have to learn, that our feels aren’t nearly are sore as people living their lives.  My feelings were hurt, but I don’t run the risk of being beaten to death for having the “wrong” parts between my legs.   Becky Allyship might have gotten taunted off a Black woman’s Facebook page, but the likelihood of her getting beaten and killed by the cops is low low low compared to every Black person on that page as well.  They’re not the same, they’re never gonna be the same, and we all need to get a sense of proportion.

Because if we can’t, then what use are we?

Uncomfortable? Then You’re Allying Just Right