Seriously?!? https://the-orbit.net/seriously/ Going through life with one arched brow Tue, 04 Oct 2016 23:31:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.6 https://the-orbit.net/seriously/wp-content/uploads/sites/15/2015/09/bitmoji-291577741-120x120.png Seriously?!? https://the-orbit.net/seriously/ 32 32 108256754 It’s Basic Shit Season: Don’t Do This To Your Kids Edition https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/19/basic-shit-season-dont-kids-edition/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/19/basic-shit-season-dont-kids-edition/#comments Mon, 19 Sep 2016 19:46:24 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1896 The post It’s Basic Shit Season: Don’t Do This To Your Kids Edition appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

Two years ago, I addressed cultural appropriation In Halloween costumes.

And one year ago, I addressed the bullshit Caitlyn Jenner costume for men.

“Gee, Niki”, you may wonder, “What are you gonna do for this year?”

 

 

I’m coming for your kids, folks. Hide ’em, lock ’em up.

…or just don’t do this to them:

blackface-child

Like, come on, parent, really? You’re full of shit from the word “retard” and then just kept tumbling into a mass of bigotry, bringing your kid right along with you.

Can’t wait to make a spectacle of your spawnling?  Disney’s got you covered just in time for Moana to come out!

mauicostume

Really?

Really??

REALLY???

Disney, you were doing so well with this damn film and then…and then THIS? The first time I saw this thing, my jaw actually dropped.  My jaw is threatening to drop from saving the image and putting it here.

WHY? Why are you selling the SKIN of one of your characters? Why are you selling the skin of any culture?  To kids?

Every year around this time I wonder if I will have something to gripe about around Halloween and the costuming therein. And every year, I don’t have to worry – it’s always something.

I love Halloween.  I love the entire month of October.  My birthday’s in October. Halloween is in October.  There’s Autumn in October, hot apple cider, caramel, turned fall leaves, and SKULLS EVERYWHERE.  What I don’t like about Halloween are the humorless Jokers who KEEP fucking up.  Same shit every year.  First we have Kid Blackface, sooner or later some jackass is going to smear the feces that is shoe polish or brown makeup all over their face and poof! become *insert black stereotype or dead black person* here. Cisguys suddenly get the urge to don dresses and shitty makeup for this night only, night of jackassery, night of “Oh god, fuck you.”  And with the rise of the asshole-proudly anti-PC-alt-right, goodness knows how many of these fucksticks will use the Spookiest Night of the Year as license to be…well…fucksticks.

Hey, who knows, maybe someone will get creative and combine the two and go out as a named dead black transwoman!  Wouldn’t that be oh so clever and anti-PC!

…Thankfully I enjoy my Rumchata in October, too. And stouts.  Lots and lots of stouts.

 

The post It’s Basic Shit Season: Don’t Do This To Your Kids Edition appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/19/basic-shit-season-dont-kids-edition/feed/ 3 1896
Frivolous Friday: Post-Pool Therapy https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/16/frivolous-friday-post-pool-therapy/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/16/frivolous-friday-post-pool-therapy/#comments Fri, 16 Sep 2016 16:02:37 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1890 The post Frivolous Friday: Post-Pool Therapy appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

*hops off bus from warm pool physical therapy*
*stops by corner store for four bottles of Gatorade*
*gets home and drops bags on kitchen floor*
*downs one bottle of GR like it was the cure for fibro, depression, suicidal thoughts, obesity, and slow growing dreadlocs all in one.*
*writes this up as a Facebook post*
*downs another bottle*

So…thirsty. So very, very thirsty. Damn, I haven’t been this thirsty since the last EXO music video came out.

Now to skip all of the things I need to be doing and go lay down. Whoo.

The post Frivolous Friday: Post-Pool Therapy appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/16/frivolous-friday-post-pool-therapy/feed/ 2 1890
Not Funny. https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/15/not-funny/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/15/not-funny/#comments Thu, 15 Sep 2016 23:33:51 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1884 The post Not Funny. appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

So today I found myself in one of those Facebook conversations I despise: with the ignorant who want to remain as such.

It started with a “joke”.

notfunnyone

And then I took a breath and counted to 5

notfunnytwo

Well, it all went downhill from there:

notfunnythree

Let’s get one thing straight – I’m not!

And that’s one joke for free 🙂

Back on topic: This “joke” is about dicks.  Big black dicks. Big black cis-dicks.

“Why oh why, Niki, is this not funny?” You may be asking yourself. “Isn’t that true?”

Well, firstly, no it’s not and secondly, it’s fucking racist. Since I’m on a really nice painkiller (my lower back did something sprainy on Sunday), I’ll explain.

The big dicked Mandingo myth is bullshit. It sexualizes black men.  Fuck, it over-sexualizes black men.  Where black women get the “unable to be raped because they want it all the time”, black men get the “always sexual animals” bit.  Two sides of the same coin.

It’s a myth that of course is still perpetrated in porn, and in fucking excuses for “jokes” like the one above. It’s a myth that started riots (remember Rosewood? You should look that up) and excused lynching when white women screamed that a nigger raped them or looked at them or something that wasn’t actually true (gee, I wonder where the MRAs are at when such consequences to false rape allegations are brought up?). It’s the fear of the sex hungry nigger ruining “their” women with their gigantic dicks.

It’s a myth that causes insecurity in black men who aren’t hung like my arm, and insecurity that might well lead to more expressions of toxic masculinity to compensate.

It’s also really fucking nosy to invite yourself into someone’s pants and judge their size by their very race.

Did I mention it wasn’t funny?  I mean, fuck, it’s tired and old and more worn than thrift store underwear. If you’re gonna punch down, be creative about that shit.

Or don’t bother.

The post Not Funny. appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/15/not-funny/feed/ 3 1884
Some Old Lady Fell Over and Everyone’s In A Tizzy…I Think? https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/11/old-lady-fell-everyones-tizzy/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/11/old-lady-fell-everyones-tizzy/#comments Mon, 12 Sep 2016 01:01:37 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1880 The post Some Old Lady Fell Over and Everyone’s In A Tizzy…I Think? appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

…or maybe I should say “Some lady”, but since Hillary’s age keeps getting brought up (did McCain get this much shit over his age when he ran?), I’ll roll with this.

So yeah, for the first time ever:

gopcare

Hilary’s been sick. You know, like we’ve all been.  Hillary’s been working while sick.  You know like, we all have once or twice or more times in our lives.

But since we’re not running for Prez and she is, apparently this is something to get all concerned about.  From thinkpieces wondering if it’s possible to faint from heat exposure (WTF?) to other such ridiculous and sudden CONCERNS about her health from the right, this is just getting ridonkulous.

We’ve had prezes and vice-prezes work through illness, chronic and short term.  One vice had a heart transplant.  One prez had depression.  One had fucking polio and was in a wheelchair. One choked on a damn pretzel. And that’s just off the top of my fucking head, never mind the moments we don’t know about, having a cold or the flu or the runs or whatever. But this candidate, wearing a Kevlar vest under her suit in 80 something degree weather while sick as balls, faints and we’re all supposed to just…do…what?  Wish her well?  I mean that’s the only sensible thing to do when someone you know is sick.  Should we all line up at her next campaign stop with casseroles? That’s something else do can do when someone you know is sick.

Look, her being a lady and high profile doesn’t prevent her from getting ill.  I’d bet my top denture plate that she even worked while sick as Secretary of State. Or as Senator.  Or as *gasp* First Lady!  Shit happens, especially on a high-stakes campaign.

So, everyone chill the fuck out. Or you can laugh with me as, as a friend of mine put it on Facebook, as Trump gets his ass kicked by an old lady with pneumonia.

The post Some Old Lady Fell Over and Everyone’s In A Tizzy…I Think? appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/11/old-lady-fell-everyones-tizzy/feed/ 2 1880
Today in People who Ought to be Constantly on Fire https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/09/today-people-constantly-fire/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/09/today-people-constantly-fire/#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2016 17:57:02 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1877 The post Today in People who Ought to be Constantly on Fire appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

Matt Forney! Chicago’s favorite woman-hating racist jackass!

For not only wanting to dox a rape victim after her attacker got off early on a bullshit sentence (because she deserves armed protesters in front of her home like her rapist), but for this gem of a tweet:

A technicality?!?! Dude.  DUDE. dude. Be constantly fucking thyself.  Constantly. While on fire. And falling down a hole.

Photo by celine nadeau

Creative Commons logo

The post Today in People who Ought to be Constantly on Fire appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/09/today-people-constantly-fire/feed/ 4 1877
HAH? One of the Most Fucked Excuses for Rape: https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/08/hah-one-fucked-excuses-rape/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/08/hah-one-fucked-excuses-rape/#comments Thu, 08 Sep 2016 13:29:40 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1874 The post HAH? One of the Most Fucked Excuses for Rape: appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

I thought she was crying because I am So Incredibly Hung.

Wow, just wow.  Now someone’s going to have to measure this prick’s prick and actually let him leave with it still attached.

Seriously, how entitled and ignorant do you have to be to see someone passed out, start fucking them without so much as a “howdy”, see them crying, and come to THAT conclusion?  Nope, she’s not crying because you’re raping her or anything, it’s because your dick is Too Damn Big.

Just…wha?

Even IF this poor woman was willing to wake up and bone you (and anyone with sense Dog gave a mosquito), you were doing it wrong, you selfish fuck.  If you know you’re big, you know have to take some extra precautions.

You know, like, making sure she’s actually awake before you stick it in.

Like, making sure she’s aroused – VERY aroused – before you stick it in.

Also, seeing if she wants to be impaled on your Enormous Penis helps too.  You gaping asshole.

You’ve had your dick for 26 years and you haven’t figured out how to use it?

…and you think this excuse is gonna fly?  Really?  Really? REALLY? You think ANYONE is going to buy “she was crying because my Massive Manhood”?

No only should you be charged and convicted for rape, you should be then banned from having penetrative sex.  With ANYONE.

You fuckadoodle.

The post HAH? One of the Most Fucked Excuses for Rape: appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/08/hah-one-fucked-excuses-rape/feed/ 1 1874
Phyllis Schlafly is Dead https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/05/phyllis-schlafly-dead/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/05/phyllis-schlafly-dead/#comments Tue, 06 Sep 2016 02:59:54 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1872 The post Phyllis Schlafly is Dead appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

Good.

Nope, that’s all I have to say. Fuck speaking ill of the dead and fuck her.

The post Phyllis Schlafly is Dead appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/09/05/phyllis-schlafly-dead/feed/ 4 1872
Today in White Nonsense https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/30/today-white-nonsense/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/30/today-white-nonsense/#comments Tue, 30 Aug 2016 16:15:14 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1868 The post Today in White Nonsense appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

A quick round up of things that make me go “Ugh, white people, why?”

Maine governor considers registration after continuing to be the fucking worst.

Brock “It’s Booze’s Fault I’m a Rapist” Turner will be released on Friday after his laughably short time in jail on a laughably short sentence.

South African girls stage protest after being told to straighten their hair, in another case of “Why can White people leave our hair alone?”

This meme:

ColinShutUpNig

And finally, this town.  Just, this fucking town.


As an aside, Rest Easy, Gene Wilder.  You’re already missed – and that’s no nonsense.

The post Today in White Nonsense appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/30/today-white-nonsense/feed/ 8 1868
Harassment and Cat’s Eye Glasses https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/29/harassment-cats-eye-glasses/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/29/harassment-cats-eye-glasses/#comments Mon, 29 Aug 2016 20:25:41 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1861 The post Harassment and Cat’s Eye Glasses appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

Every time I see the so-called “rationals” and “anti-SJWs” post a drawing of their caricature of an SJW, I wince.

See, the usual carticature is the same – fat, hairy legs and pits, hair in some color on the rainbow and, occasionally, cat’s eye glasses.

It’s the glasses that make me wince, because they remind me the anti-SJWs ‘favorite” punching bag and friend of mine, Melody Hensley.  I call her by name with her permission.  She has endured harassment from this fucks for years, driving her our of a job and causing her a great deal of mental anguish.

She’s the women in that Triggered meme that I refuse to download or post here because of how much it pisses me off.  I’ve had to ask people who had no idea of the origins of the meme to stop using it.

Why am I bringing it up now?  Because after she’s quit her job, after she is pretty much done with the secular movement, IT CONTINUES.  Again, with her permission, here is some mail she received this morning:

I hope you die in a hole, i hope you get bullied the rest of your life, your are a pathetic little bitch. you say you have ptsd, fuck no,your just a little pussy bitch who wants in someway to hurt other people cuz you feelu have been wronged, suck my fat man dick, i hope you get raped, you piece of feminist shit, go fuck yourself, oh and again, please die, people like you make the world a shittier place. all middle fingers up, pointing at you, pathetic little bitch.

 

 

i really hope u get raped by 10 guys at the same time, each hole getting fucked by 2 dicks, then they kill u n dumb ur body in a junk yard so u can finally be where u should have been from day one

 

 

i wish isis would have captured u and burned u alive, or decapitated u, those other people didnt deserve it, but you sure as hell do, femanazi, little pussy, the devils wife,burn in hell dumb bitch. i hope you become a sex slave to a man someday.

 

STILL. TODAY.  DO NOT FORGET THAT THIS IS HAPPENING TO PEOPLE, TO WOMEN. I wonder what Rebecca Watson’s email looks like?  What Stephanie Zvan’s? What Zoe Quinn and the other high profile Literally Who?s that Gamergate couldn’t get the fuck over?

SPEAK OUT AGAINST THIS BULLSHIT.

My blog is small, but my voice is loud.

Now I wear cat’s eye glasses – a gift from another friend – and this is my message to harassing scum and the scumsuckers who defend them:

20160829_151249
SIT. AND. SPIN.

 

The post Harassment and Cat’s Eye Glasses appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/29/harassment-cats-eye-glasses/feed/ 4 1861
No, Really. Stop Doing This. https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/28/no-really-stop/ https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/28/no-really-stop/#comments Sun, 28 Aug 2016 14:52:09 +0000 http://the-orbit.net/seriously/?p=1858 The post No, Really. Stop Doing This. appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>

THIS.

Men all over the world.  Just. Stop.

When you are told “no”, treat it like a complete sentence.  Be sad about it, sure, but it’s not the woman’s fault that your feelings are hurt, so taking it out on them makes you look and sound like a fucking jerk.

No, she don’t want your number
No, she’s not going give you hers
And no, she’s not gonna meet you nowhere,
No, so drop all those nasty slurs

No, she don’t want your dick
A dick is somebody who is acting like just you
Yelling at her back, “You whore” because you didn’t score
Who gives a single fuck about you….

…wow, Sudden Parody Syndrome. I should get that looked at.

The post No, Really. Stop Doing This. appeared first on Seriously?!?.

]]>
https://the-orbit.net/seriously/2016/08/28/no-really-stop/feed/ 8 1858