(EDITED TITLE BECAUSE WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET 31 FROM? I DUNNO)
Because I don’t want to give the video itself clicks (the cover picture looks like a direct reference to a dear friend who has suffered from harassment that ended up making her sick), here’s a response by Kevin Logan to that video where he just plays the audio.
Good news, everyone! The smash flop Watch_Dogs has a sequel a comin’! Yay!
And even better, the lead ISN’T that Aiden jackass! Seriously, JACKASS.
Holy moley did you see the trailer? The lead looks, OMG, sit down, hold on to your beverage: BLACK!
And that was when some Steam users left the parade. Well, not before dropping some bits of shit in the forums. Thankfully, Jim Sterling did the digging so I didn’t have to and found the best corn in the shit, stepping on every single one of my pet peeves of entitled gamerbros.
“Wah, this character is just shoehorned in!!” Dude, the game isn’t even out yet and it seems to me that this lead will fit in perfectly. You know, since he’s the lead and all.
“EMBRACE DIVERSITY. PREPARE YOUR CUCKSHED” Yes, because accepting a character that isn’t Grizzled Straight White Male with MANPAIN number 39023 is EXACTLY like watching one’s wife being fucked by another man.
Also, a whole host of harmless perverts called. They want their word back. What you’re doing to ‘cuck’ is just disgusting and twisted.
“It’s subtle propaganda…” Oooooh, how subtle. One black lead today, ALL BLACK LEADS TOMORROW! MWAHAHAHAHA *lightening strike*
There was more, including the use of “dindus”, which should be written on a piece of paper and thrown into a bonfire, but my favorite was, “Black people don’t know how to use technology.”
I present my reaction in a series of pictures:
Okay, on the serious, I’ve been sick of the fact that any part of my humanity being reflected on the media I consume is “pandering”. Fuck you. What a bunch of whiny babies, crying because some other kid got a cookie while they’re holding a jar full of ’em. And got the damn nerve to call us SJWs ‘sensitive’ and ‘offended easily’.
Oh, I’m sorry, it’s only being offended easily when it’s someone you don’t care for. When it’s you, it’s a measured reasonable reaction. Heads, you win, tails I lose.
Well, guess what, buttercups, you better keep those hankies handy, because as game developers, both indie and the various As, start to recognize that they can do more than GSWMwM in their games, you’re going to be crying a lot more.
Because we’re winning. And besides, you hypocrites, you’re going to buy and play the game anyway, because you’re a bunch of addicts who can’t even hold off on online preorders, even though they’re complete fucking toss and a waste of money and you whine about them every time (like, for example, the previous Watch_Dogs prerelease. How you liking that ‘iconic’ cap?).
So, throw your tantrums, have your meltdowns. The rest of us, who just want a good game (without fucking Aiden that fucking unlikable no personality thug) are just sitting here like:
Frivolous Fridays are our excuse to post about fun things we care a lot about that may or may not have any connection with social justice. Though let’s face it, folks, just about anything I post could be considered frivolous, but this post is frivolous on purpose. This is to allow us to let off some steam and have a little fun. So let’s go!
*stands up* Hi, my name is Niki and I love Skyrim. I am also like 5 years late on this love.
*sits down because that shit hurts this morning*
So yeah, I finally got Skyrim last year on one of those Steam mega sales, and holy fuck do I likes it. Normally I’m a Bioware girl, but this, THIS, it’s gorgeous (STILL) and my first taste of an open world game. Don’t want to do the main quest? You don’t have to! Have you done the main quest? You can still do other shit!
And since I’m mostly a PC player (no, I don’t do that ‘Master Race’ shit. Too Nazi for my tastes and frankly I give no fucks about what consoles other people use), after the first or second run through, I started looking up mods. Good thing I already have a Nexus account because Bioware and mods go together like a marriage. Or a horse and carriage. Or something.
Skyrim + About 140 Mods = The reason while I’ve logged over 1500 hours on this damn game, playing more characters than I can remember.
Are you still playing? Want to dust it off and play some more? Here are my top 5 favorite mods. I focus more on immersion, so no “Thomas the Tank Engine dragons” or turning every women into model perfect Tits McGees, or this wonderful bit of WTEF.
And damn sure none of these mods from Lovers Lab (link is so very hilarious and very NSFW).
So you have food, booze, and taverns with rentable beds in the game, right? In the vanilla game, they don’t really seem to have a point. I mean, the taverns are safe places to wait, but potions do a lot more for you than eating 20 salmon steaks after three bears fuck with you – what the hell, outside of Riften?
iNeed, and other mods like it, gives these things a purpose. You can get hungry, you can get thirsty (it even provides water skins you can use to take care of that need), and you can get tired. All of these things affect your stats, so you better take care of them. Hell, there’s an option that makes it possible for you to die of hunger or thirst. And there’s another option to make the disease you catch from fighting animals even more dangerous and not so easily cured with a potion. ANNNNNND there’s yet another option to have your followers require food and water.
Northern Skyrim is fucking cold, okay? There’s snow, there’s snowstorms, the water up there is probably frigid as all fuck.
So why can your character run around in a fur skirt, barechested or in a fur bikini and be fine?
Frostfall fixes that shit. Now you need to be aware of what you’re wearing, what the weather is like, and how to deal with it. They call it a “hypothermia simulator”, I call it “Holy Shit, I’m Freezing and I’m Out of Firewood, FUCK!” simulator.
But don’t you worry, Frostfall also contains ways to cope. Each armor set has a warmth rating, there are cloaks you can make or buy, and there are tents you can hide in when you’re stuck in a blizzard or a thunderstorm. With the ability to build a campfire, you can keep yourself safe and toasty warm until the shitty weather passes or rough it in the outdoors.
…just don’t run out of firewood, okay? Freezing to death IS a possibility.
I love this mod. I love this mod. I LOVE THIS MOD!
This mod is a fucking labor of love. It adds over 150 NPCs to Skyrim, some can be recruited as followers, some are marriageable, other are just there to give more life to the providence. Each of them are voiced by a coterie of folks, giving them life and personality. There are even new quests that involve these characters. Every time I play, I see something or someone new and it’s a delight.
(also, there is work on iNPC for Fallout 4, so check it out)
Notice that I keep saying “followers” instead of “follower”? That’s because of this and mods like it. EFF allows you to recruit up to 100 followers (not sure why you’d need 100. The very thought makes my computer cry. My limit is 3 because that’s how many I can fit into a large Frostfall tent) and allows for easier management of them all. Want to tell them to wait while you get past a trap trigger? Done in one command – wait. Are you at the tavern and want them to stop following you around? Done in one command – relax. Do you want them to follow you? You get the idea.
There’s also a few abilities that allow you to order them to direct their attacks to one particular thing, and one that allows you to call them to you side. Real useful if you don’t want to get into a fight and they’re charging in anyway or to get them to the other side of the aforementioned trap.
(Or if you committed a crime and need to get the entire gang out of the city. But you didn’t hear that from me)
Horses had no point to me before this mod. It’s awesome to ride across the tundras and forests and shit, but if I had a follower, they’d be running behind me. And thanks but no thanks, horsey, I don’t need you fighting along with me.
Because you’ll die and leave me stranded. A thousand septiums wasted.
CH allows for followers to get a horse that is summoned when you mount yours. You can make the horses passive and/or invincible. There’s a summoning ability in case you can’t find your mighty steed, and a whistle to call them to you if they’re not that far away. You can even toggle a command to make the horse follow you when you’re not riding it.
Also, and here’s the awesome part, they act like a secondary inventory space. Got a haul that’s slowing you down? Load it on your horsey! I use that inventory to carry my Frostfall tents, firewood, books I don’t want, shit I want to sell, shit I don’t want getting accidentally sold, and so on and so forth.
So, that’s my bit of geekery for this Friday. I have no idea what I’ll come up with for next week, but it’ll probably be something this off the wall.
Have a great weekend, folks!
EDIT: Oh shit! Oh shit! I forgot one that I really really really like and it’s very important that I tell you because reasons. So here’s a bonus number six:
Are you so done with the long ass “you’re a prisoner” beginning? LAL is for you. You start in a cell with a stature of Mara. Talk to it, and you have your choice of when/where you actually start the in game. The choices are varied, there’s even some that are race specific. Here’s my Breton Dragonborn as a Forsworn:
You can start off as a vampire or a werewolf, a solider in either side of the civil war, a merchant, a disciple, a witch, the possibilities are a lot of fun (just don’t choose to be trapped in a shipwreck with Frostfall on. You will freeze to death in the water). Want to start the Main Quest? Just mosey on to Helgen, and Aludin will make his appearance and ta-da, time to go to Riverwood!
(EDIT: psst, hey y’all, did you know that two of my fellow contributors have their own CAH expansion? No? Well, get yer ass to this link and check it out)
No really, I do. I know it’s become popular now to hateon the game and call it not funny or trying too hard at being “edgy”, and they’re right. I’m not going to really argue with those views, and I’m not trying to convince anyone who’s done with the game or never want to give it a try.
But me? I love it all the same. I love getting together with friends, having a few drinks, and spending the evening indulging in laughs and dark humor. The company has done amazing things with the ridiculous amount of money they’ve earned with the sales, charities, selling nothing, selling literal shit, selling foot by foot plots on a protected island, giving their factory workers in China a week’s paid vacation, just awesome things. And I like supporting these efforts.
Yes this is definitely a case of “my fav is totes problematic” (more on that subject in another post), but the game is funny and can be a lot of fun – with caveats.
Playing with the unaltered deck is uncomfortable, to say the least. There are so many problematic cards in it. “Hardworking Mexican”, use of the t-slur, shit about big black dicks, etc. A lot of the humor is based on vulgar edgelord “shock” value.
But there isn’t a rule that requires you to play with an unaltered deck. My friends who have decks, more geeky and socially aware, have custom ones (if you have never played with Miri’s uber deck of awesome, you have missed out on an experience). I have gone through my own and pulled out all the ones that make me cringe. Some even allow for people to take out problematic cards during play. You can even create your own cards. It’s great for in-jokes in groups, and it keeps the game fresh.
And like any game, it really depends on who you play with. I don’t play with a group I don’t know, because yeah, I might run the risk of having to uncomfortable-laugh my way through card after card after card. It’s the same deal with RPGs and poker. You don’t want to play with that one person who throws a literal fit when their dice is being shitty that night.
And about the humor? I’ll admit, I love me some dark gallows humor sometimes. The world sucks, especially if you’re “woke” and see the injustices in our society. Sometimes I need to get together with like-minded people and make terrible jokes, awful groaners, and some amazing on the point winners. It’s a release value. It sticks a finger in the eye to those who say them darn Ess-Jay-Double Ewes don’t have a sense of humor. Most importantly, it’s fun.
So, yeah, I’m going to keep playing as long as I can find people to play with.
Anyone up for a game?
(Note: If you’re really done with CAH and want to try another sort of card game? Try Slash. The ever awesome Greta and her ever awesome wife Ingrid introduced me to this game at Skepticon 8 – and it’s hilarious.)
I was at CONvergence. It was fun, but also very, very exhausting for me with the whole fibro plus GAD thing. But I did remember my self-care, so I got through it.
…told y’all I loved me some Dragon Age: Inquisition.
Anyway, that happened and then the week of mental and physical recovery happened and now I’m here. Still tired in the brain, but holy shit stuff happened and I can’t let it all pass without some commentary, so I’m dragging the Linky Roundup tag out of storage just for you.
** First of all: The ever awesome Iris Vander Pluym has awarded Seriously?!? a Very Inspiring Blogger Award, and I am very pleased as punch. Thank you, Iris! If you haven’t given Perry Street Place a gander, you simply must. And if you haven’t also given any of the other blogs on the list a gander, see previous sentence.
** I apparently missed an amazing Twitter clapback, or should I call this a clapBLACK. There’s this hashtag that got some notice, #whitegirlsdoitbetter. It in the vein of those “Post to make a black girl mad” BS nonsense that has white women try super hard with their attempt to copy our dance moves, gratuitous booty shots and picture of adorable interracial children. Personally, the first two make me giggle (I’m not into body shaming, but if you’re trying to prove that your ass is better than your average black girl, HAVE SOME ASS. Otherwise, stick with what you know you’ve got and do you, okay?), and the last makes me roll my eyes. Congrats, you have bedded a black man and have born his children. I’m supposed to be ‘mad’ why?
So, this hashtag. I have no idea when it appeared on Black Twitter’s radar, but it did and the reactions were priceless. Blavity has the highlights. Lesson, don’t come for us if we didn’t send for you.
** Speaking of people on Twitter who I think are amazing and should be followed by everyone, actress/comedian/general hoopy frood who knows where her towel is Pia Glenn delighted her YouTube subscribers by bringing back her trifling cousin Yvonne to explain why Black Twitter is pissed by people who pull from them without compensation.
“What’s going on with Black Twitter? The rent, bitch!”
Seriously, watch it.
** Bringing the mood down, another day, another reminder of how Black Lives Don’t Matter. Add “exercising your own damn horses” to the list of shit we can’t do without getting some shit and then death from cops Rest in Power, Jonathan Sanders.
** Bringing the mood up a bit, Obama’s ‘screw you’ to the Hobby Lobby decision is glorious. Fuck your ‘closely-held religious beliefs”.
** Homophobic and just plain foolish county clerks are reacting to gay marriage being a thing everywhere in this country by refusing to do their jobs. Again, fuck your “closely-held religious beliefs”.
** In “shit I can’t believe I have to say to people news”: Ladies, a man in a kilt is not an invitation. Keep your fucking hands to yourselves, for fuck’s sake.
…and to round things off, Rest Well, Satoru Iwata-san, president of Nintendo. The gamer community will miss you terribly.
(Content Warning: So. Much. Dragon Age Geeking. You’ve been warned)
(Also, this is mostly a ramble. I needed this and you will deal.)
It’s been a rough week? Month? Forever? I dunno.
But I needed a pick me up, so I went peeking through my tags and closing most of them (I’m a tag hoarder, I’ll admit), and I found this gem that I wanted to post sooner, but then racists were racist and people died and all I wanted to do was hide in my room for the next forever.
So I’m a little behind the ball, but who cares? I love having the opportunity to made fun of sad gamerbros being bros, so enough wind up, here’s the pitch.
Someone sent this to Bioware. Some actual human sent this:
Aww, poor boo-boo. Damn shame BioWare lost it’s Most Loyal Fan. I’m sure they’re crying into all the money Dragon Age: Inquisition made.
Full disclosure: I LOVE THIS GAME. Is it perfect? Nah. I could talk about where they fucked up and how they fucked up for days. Because I’m an adult who can love something and criticize it at the same time, something a lot of gamerbros seem incapable of comprehending.
One problem I do NOT have with this game is that my squishy bits aren’t being satisfied enough.
But this, man. Come on. Why not just send a picture of your sad, sad boner and spare so many words? I can’t even reread this shit without imagining this poor fellow just whirling his fists around, whining, “Why aren’t there pretty people and sexy times for meeeeee!”
I mean, damn, it’s not like you got that much detail in the brothel scenes in the two previous games. And if you don’t find Cassandra attractive, I feel sorry for you.
Dude, again, come on. Are women who can kick your ass that scary? More’s the pity, her romance is one of the sweetest ones in the game. I don’t normally roll straight romances for Dragon Age (barring Alistair because fuck you, I’ma be a queen), but I made an exception for this badass.
And Josephine is ugly? What? Her?
What, is it the moles? Dark skin? Accent? She seems smart?
Don’t get me wrong. Everyone’s got tastes, and these two ladies aren’t to everyone’s. I get it. I wish this fool would get it to, because boy oh boy does he try to make his tastes seem universal. I’m pretty sure Orleasian women get to wear their hair however the fuck they want. As for Vivienne’s close shave and the ‘concept of women”, go fuck yourself. The ‘concept of women” is what we decide it is, not you. Just admit that long hair is your thing and stop trying to make it anything more than that.
And in case you though he wasn’t serious, after Tauriq Moosa (whose Twitter you should be following if you like games and diversity and diversity in games) posted this pic on his Twitter, the actual writer fessed up. It’s been ages since this post, so I had to do a little digging, but here’s Tauriq’s post. Around that time, Dude responded and gave his example of a woman in a video that he approved of:
Ciri, from The Witcher 3. Okay. She’s pretty, I’ll give him that. A badass, for sure. Scarred even. But let’s see the differences between Ciri and our DA:I ladies, shall well?
She’s pale with very light hair.
Cassandra has short dark hair, scars and a supposed “man jaw” (though I don’t see much a difference between hers and Ciri’s)
Josephine has long dark hair, is dark skinned and apparently “ugly”
Vivienne’s hair is very, very, very, very short.
…right. I think I get the picture.
So from a very causal glance, it looks like this fellow should just stick to playing The Witcher 3 if Ciri is fapworthy for him. Hell, it even lacks all of that icky feminism and LGBT agenda stuff that apparently makes it impossible to play DA:I.
Now that I’m done mocking his very narrow tastes in women, let’s go to this supposed agenda. Oooh, we have exclusively gay characters you can smooch. Oooh, there’s a transgendered character you get to talk to (a transgendered man, actually, so where the fuck he got the “lecture” about dress wearing from who the fuck knows). OMG women are in important roles and shit. The fact that this was enough to scare this person away makes this game even more enjoyable for me. Truly. It’s pure spite, I know. But as a minority who loves games, it’s spite I believe is well earned. BioWare has a history of making gamerbros whine and sad in the pants, from Zevran’s very existence, to Anders coming onto them, to Kaiden’s a smooching option for girls and boys in the last ME game, which is what I LOVE about them.
And they keep making games. And money. So me thinks this dude and the “lot” of people he knows who agree with him really won’t be missed with their “gay-ass feminist” agenda (I’d find the fact that he managed to use ‘gay’ to mean both ‘homosexual’ and whatever the hell gay’ass was supposed to mean hilarious, if it wasn’t so sad).
So, there’s this game called Rust. And it starts off dropping the player into a wilderness naked. It’s a survival-type game, so you have to make, find, or craft what you need to survive (including clothes) in the game for as long as possible. There’s also the chance that another player can kill you, if the game itself doesn’t.
The game is on Early Access on Steam, so it’s a work in progress. Until recently, every character was a white guy. You know, like the vast majority of games with a static character in them. No problems there.
Then, suddenly, Rust changed things. See, the character can be of a different race. And not any sort of fantasy race, I mean human variations. So, yep, you could start up your game and surprise! be a black guy. And there’s no changing it.
It was ironic and glorious. Suddenly, it mattered what the race of your character was. Suddenly, representation mattered as whiner after whiner after whiner whined about living in the game world as a black man and what it means. Like being called ‘nigger’ or being targeted because of the color of your skin, because of course, gamerbros are the worst, even to each other.
Suddenly consumer choice mattered. Suddenly the lack of choice (which every other gamer who isn’t white or male just apparently had to “suck it up”) mattered. Suddenly, they got to feel the same way a lot of us lady gamers and gamers of color get to feel.
And boy or boy did they not like it. The pity is that they don’t quite seem to get it. The lack of empathy is astounding. Hell, Extra Credits, known for having a pretty soft hand when it comes to the goal of making games better, has addressed the issue, seeing it as a good thing, and I agree.
Yes, you may have to play as a black character, and with all that entails. Does that make you uncomfortable? Good. Live in that discomfort. Experience it. This is your privilege being shoved into your face. Think about the lady gamers who would like to play as a woman (though given that the character starts off naked and anatomically correct, there are legit concerns with that, given again, how shitty gamerbros are. I say do it anyway.) in their first person survival games. Think about the people who aren’t you that are forced, by agreeing to pay for and play the game, to play someone who does not represent them over and over again.
Or keep crying. Keep whining. Keep being painfully unaware that the same words you use to attempt to silence us when we ask for diversity in gaming apply to you right now. Hell, my cup needs filling anyways.
So, the newest installment of Mortal Kombat, that old standby for hilariously over the top finishing moves, is getting another design change. And boy oh boy has it got the gamerbros in a tiz. Are they leaving out a beloved character (well, actually yes. Sorry, Jade fans)? Removing the “Fatalities” and replacing them with handshakes?
“I can still make Kitana slice and dice her opponents into mincemeat, but not with smaller tits and a believable waistline! Oh noes!”
The comments are headbangingly hilarious, they won’t buy this game, the feminists have won this one, and of course, bringing up targeted and celebrated feminist critic Anita Sarkessian like she had anything to do with this:
“Damn you, evil avatar of everything that is wrong with gaming, the BeHooped One, who calls herself Anita. She and her horde of screetching SJWs have razed our precious games, sucking the sheer delight out of them. Oh woe is us! Woe, I say!”
That is my own exaggeration, but it’s not that far from the truth. Once you start comparing her to Rush Limbaugh, I can’t even take your shit seriously. Whine about the “double standard” of body images while blithely ignoring that it’s all a male power fantasy? Go get someone else to change your pissy diaper, because I don’t have time for that shit.
What really gives me the risk of a concussion from headdesking is the claims of censorship. You can see it in the comments, over and over again, claims of censorship of this highly popular game that is going to be widely released in April.
I’d pull up the definition of censorship, but if you can read these words, you can look it up yourself. A company deciding on their own to listen to certain criticisms and take them seriously enough to make a change that is purely cosmetic? Was there a campaign I missed? A threatened boycott? An actual boycott, planned by feminists to make NetherRealms miserable? Did the government step in?
I don’t think so, but to hear these bros whine, you’d think NR was given marching orders straight from Feminazi Central on threat of total annihilation or something. I hate to break it to the dudes, but no. And saying anything that sounds like that is an insult to the business sense of gaming companies. I know, I know, having to share your toys with the likes of me and other gamers who want to play while actively being not straight, cis, male or even white makes you all feel like you’re losing something, but you’re going to have to deal. And companies are realizing this and changing on their own. And no matter how many tantrums you throw, or words you twist until they have no meaning at all, we’re only going forward.
And don’t worry, MKX is going to sell like hotcakes no matter what the pissbabies say, so I say good on NetherRealm. Keep up the bloodspatter.