Speakeasy #15

Welcome to the social thread at the Progressive Pub. Here at the Speakeasy, you can metaphorically put your feet up, grab a virtual beverage from your resident bartender (me), and socialize with the regulars. Gab, share recipes, share news, rage about your problems or the problems of the world, discuss impending vacations, share book recommendations, talk about your jobs and your families, your hopes and dreams, and pretty much anything else you want. Everyone is welcome, just be kind to one another.


Speakeasy #15

198 thoughts on “Speakeasy #15

  1. 6

    Happy New Year, you wonderful people!
    Let’s hope that 2017 sees a lot of fight and action.

    I just read the phrase “anatomically correct pronoun”. TERFs, I can’t even.

  2. 7

    Happy new year, I guess.

    I fucked up.

    I fucked up really bad.

    My emotional levels were peaking again and I really needed a place to vent. I can’t vent to either my relatives or my friends including my therapist anymore because they will just invalidate me. I tried talking to someone on here but it went completely the opposite of how I wanted it to turn out. All I said was that I wished people would quit offending each other as it’s so pointless, and this led to me receiving a harsh warning. Unfortunately, I interpreted it as a threat and I ended up provoking a conflict, saying things that really should have better been kept to myself.

    I think I’ve mentioned before that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, question my sexuality (mainly turned on by younger men even in my mid twenties) while at the same time am grossed out by sex in general, and I am agnostic formerly Methodist. I don’t have a self-image problem, but I really really hate growing a beard or hair anywhere else on my body besides the top of my head and my testis. I’m trying very hard not to say that my Asperger’s made me do this like Sugar Motta from Glee.

    Following Trump’s election, my mother and I got into a heated argument. My mother is completely oblivious to everything Trump has done and said, and she told me that this is the way people evolve. In her own words, she’s pissed off by immigration because she feels that jobs are being taken from people like me, but I don’t care. A few days later, I sat down with my current therapist and she proceeded to utterly disrespect me by saying that “everyone’s entitled to their opinion” and that free speech is so magical. It was the same old blind patriotism, prattling on and on about how our country is so much better than any other.

    Honestly, never before in my life have I felt so policed. I was policed by my previous Christian therapist when I told him that struggled against conformity and homophobia, I was policed by some stoner who told me that people don’t change when I simply suggested that there was too much hatred in the world, and I am being policed now by friend and family for standing up against fascism. Hell, my mother doesn’t even know what fascism means or how to identify it. What’s worse is that they seem to be projecting it all onto me. They’re both making me sound like the intolerant one.

    If I’m banned, I’ll leave, but I don’t know what the hell to do with my life anymore.

  3. 9

    John Doe:
    I’m sorry you’re going through such struggles.
    You’re not banned from here. I just want this thread to be conflict free (along with bigotry free). The Speakeasy is a social thread that is open to all, but there are rules (which I thought were fairly well laid out in the intro to each iteration, but if not, questions can always be asked and I’m open to rewriting it for greater clarity).

    One thing that some people do is simply follow along without commenting for a while just to get a feel for the people here and what is or is not allowed.

  4. 13

    John Doe:
    Sargon is one of several piece of shit, bigoted atheist YouTubers. He is vile and IMO has no qualities that redeem him such that you should give a damn about what he has to say.

    Just my two cents.

  5. 16

    Happy New Year, all!

    Most of the holiday break was spent off-line and getting caught up on some TV shows – Luke Cage and Westworld among them.

    Today was “move into new cubicle” day, so a somewhat easy transition to the new year so far.

  6. 19

    I don’t know if anyone watches animation but there are these two shows that are stuck in my mind, one for the better and the other for the worse.

    Let’s talk about the positive one first. There is this one honest-to-God cartoon, not anime, made in Japan called “Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.” Created by Hiroyuki Imaishi, rumor has it that this show spawned after the man went on a drunken bender here in the U.S. Although it was inspired by South Park, a show that Imaishi has paid tribute to a few times in the past, I find “Panty and Stocking” a thousand times more humorous and entertaining than South Park will ever be. The animation is wild and off the chain, the situations are hilarious, and the art style is the grooviest I’ve ever seen.

    Plus, I am absolutely in love with the main female characters because of how assertive and independent they both are. I might get in trouble but these two are total bitches and I adore them for that. They do what they want, when they want, and how they want regardless of anyone’s unwarranted opinion. This show majorly inspired to get into writing animation and comics. It also taught me to get naked, be all I can be, and that some walls are meant to be broken down.

    Now for the other that negatively impacted me. I know that Steven Universe is all the rage, but I going to talk about different show on Cartoon Network. The one cartoon on that network that I feel had the most negative impact on me was, I’m so sorry, “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.” For all of it’s bluster about the importance of friendship and the imagination, it was one of the most mean-spirited and spiteful shows I have ever seen next to South Park and Family Guy. I feel that it was basically for the most part trying to rip-off an animated sitcom from FOX.

    Very few characters were relateable save for two and it was most of the time one big exercise in obnoxiousness. The only two characters on that show that felt a deep personal connection with are Mac and Frankie. Mac is practically a mirror to myself as we both have difficulty socializing, hate disorder and pressure, but are incredibly creative and smart. Instead of pairing up Mac and Frankie as lovers, as most of the fandom seems to do, I am of the small number that views the two as probably the only productive adult-to-child relationship the show had to offer, brother and sister if you will. Other than that, though, this show had so many missed opportunities to talk about such things like bullying, abandonment, and loneliness.

    The reason I wanted to open up about animation is because not even this subject is safe from getting caught in the so-called “SJW” wars. You can’t write a non-traditional character in a non-traditional story without getting called out. What the hell are people so afraid of?

  7. 20

    Happy New Year all! I hope you all had a passable time and are braced for the next year.

    My mother had two falls over the Christmas period. Luckily no bones were broken. However, she’s living downstairs now, to avoid the treacherous staircase. She’s becoming increasingly forgetful and somewhat confused. My brother and I are concerned and doing our best to help. What doesn’t help is that my brother is in another country and I’m an hour and a half away.

    It could be a difficult year!

  8. 21

    Sending my good thoughts. That could be difficult indeed. Does she have something like an emergency alarm?

    What would you think if I told you I was busy with christmas preparations?

  9. 22


    What would you think if I told you I was busy with christmas preparations?

    1. You’re definitely not a puritan.
    2. You’re really really far behind.
    3. You’re starting an ultimately failed attempt to be on time this year.
    4. You’re going to Armenia tomorrow, then to Moldova on Saturday.
    5. You’re making Bobalki.

  10. 23

    John Doe:
    I approved your comment but it went into moderation bc of your use of ‘bitches’.

    Please avoid the use of any gendered slurs in the future.

    Thank you.

  11. 26

    I never know when my comments will go through, but now looking back maybe I said something that made my posts go into the filter. IDK?
    My job is sucking still but the money is good and the Grandson(abusive as fuck) is leaving on Sunday.
    I hope everyone is well as can be in spite of the shitty trump.

  12. 28

    I am sorry for the situation with your Mom and hoping the best for your family.

    The family I work for is so dysfunctional it makes me feel relatively healthy. I am glad I am creating a chosen family for myself.

    The holidays were shit, I am glad it’s over and done with for another year. I had something happen to my hand on my birthday and I am hoping it was just stress of work and not a new thing with my arthritis. My right hand , wrist, and up into my arm quit working. Just quit. I was a lefty for xmas and I couldn’t use my right hand and arm for about three days. Whatever!

    Attending the UU has gotten me to face my transition head on. I have decided to present ambiguously because I have to live in two worlds and I decided to change and develop a more masculine presentation after this old woman dies. I really can’t take all the questions though and have to figure out how to work through that.
    Why did you cut your hair so short?
    Kinda masculine isn’t it?
    You look like a man! 🙂

    My youngest daughter asked to do my makeup on christmas. I looked into her big brown eyes and told her I was sorry she was having such a hard time with my gender presentation. She looked sad and walked away. I went into the bathroom and cried. She doesn’t understand why I would want to be ugly when I could be pretty. I just keep doing my thing.

    She did say she would like to go to the fellowship with me and I think that would be cool because she could see people who are not mortified by my appearance and like me.

    John Doe, I am sorry things seem to be sucking for you. I hope you can find some supporting people to be with in your life.

    Happy New Year to all of my pub peeps,

  13. 29

    It’s cal:
    I’m sorry about the hand, and I hope your daughter comes around to recognizing that your gender presentation is part of who you are. If she loves you, she needs to accept you as you are and love you for who you are, rather than who she wants you to be (or thinks you should be).

  14. 30


    3. You’re starting an ultimately failed attempt to be on time this year.

    People have long told me I should sell my stuff at christmas marktes, but I always figured it was too much of a hassle: Making all the goodies for one stall, standing in the cold for up to three days, I don’t have time for that. But on New Years Eve my friends mentioned that they were considering to participate in their village christmas market because they noticed that it didn’t have a single arts and crafts stall. It’s only a single day, we would be a team of friends and none of us would have to make all the goods nor enough for a big three days market.
    We’ll also sell warm Kinder chocolate liquor….

    You’re a great person and parent and I’m sure your daughter will understand that and understand that you being her parent who loves her dearly is the most important thing and that you’ll always be that.

  15. 31

    @ Tony Thompson
    I didn’t mean that to be hurtful at all but I understand.
    You get my point though, right?

    Apparently there is this news going around that BLM allegedly kidnapped someone and whites are saying it’s a hate crime. Personally, I’ve heard someone by the name of BigAl2K6 talk about this before with a group called the Jena 6. He was outraged that these people were being defended even after all the crap they went through. He apparently said something along the lines of “all hate crimes are equal just like all murders are hate crimes.” This man, BigAl2K6, also explicitly dropped the n-bomb when he posted another rant on YouTube about kids who were interested in rap music.

    I think his work is archived on YouTube and he does even have a deviantArt channel.

    I offer no sympathy. If you ask me, this is what a true SJW does if they even exist. True SJW’s believes that everyone is equally both the victim and the culprit without taking into account the dynamics of power and privilege. Also, if there is such a thing a “political correctness,” phrases that like “everyone’s entitled to their opinion” are what truly promote it. The idea that everyone must remain neutral no matter the case.

  16. 32

    It’s Cal thanks, I hope your family soon comes to terms with your gender presentation and support you.

    Giliell I’m going over to Mum’s tomorrow to install a Key Safe. Then I can arrange for an alarm to be installed. It should provide some peace of mind.

    Re preparing for Christmas: I thought you might be celebrating the Orthodox Christmas Day, which is tomorrow!

  17. 33

    I’ve hit my breaking point.

    After willfully voting for two men who will try there damndest to make sure that I and others like me will never be able to live the life that I and they want to live, after showing complete apathy to this country’s greatest massacre, I’m ready to come out to my friends and family that I don’t love them anymore. I need to assert my independence and the only way I can do it is by severing all of my ties with everyone who voted for Trump and Pence. It’s beyond shameful that they would hold onto the comfort of their “opinions” than their delicate humanity.

    I need to say it.

  18. 34


    … village christmas market…a single day…a team of friends…

    sounds like a great idea!
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

    We’ll also sell warm Kinder chocolate liquor….

    perhaps as lagnaippe instead? after all, it’ll be christmas.

  19. 36

    Hi All,
    Tony!, Giliell, Bragimike Thanks, I know my daughter will come along eventually. I feel a bit aloof like I still have’t found my niche yet but I won’t give up. It’s the living between these two worlds that makes it weird. I can see why folks move to new cities and such.
    Today seems better for my hands and arms. I was diagnosed with RA as a kid but the last 2 years have been painful and tight and sometimes I feel like I am being crushed by my body. Other days I don’t even think about it. More of those days please!

    One nice thing about the holidays is it forced me to do a little shopping and I got some new sweaters and stuff. Yay for comfort in the small things.

    Stay safe folks ,

  20. 39

    What I am about to say is probably the most spiteful thing anybody could ever say about anyone, but I don’t care what happened to zamii070. As an autistic who is teeter-tottering between queer and asexual, if anyone willfully misrepresented me, I would happily make that person pay. This is my very identity that is being fucked with.

  21. 40

    It looks like I just ruined this whole thread.

    I consider myself a very spiteful person who likes to do the opposite of what I’ve been told. While I am on the subject of fandom policing, I support safe spaces in fandom mainly because I’m tired of being pressured by free speech thumpers. I’m also tired of these people projecting their victimhood onto me when I fight back. To these people, criticizing someone for screwing up is thought policing and bullying.

  22. 41

    John Doe
    It’s more like I cannot make great sense of what you’re writing.

    More like a coven of sisters 😉

    perhaps as lagnaippe instead? after all, it’ll be christmas.

    Na, remember the power of brand names…

    The house is progressing in leaps and bounds, which is good, because this is my last week off before that training position starts.

  23. 44

    I don’t see what is being misunderstood here, giliell. I’m trying to take back control of my life from politicians and random nobodies who feel that they have the right to dictate me for being defective and deviant. Hell, I’ve got half the mind to turn the tables on them all, give them a taste of what it’s like to be a minority on three fronts. I’m more than happy to tell any bigot who says that I am unnatural or wrong or ill to fuck off and die in car accident whether they be a senator, news TV or radio blowhard, church goer, or random nobody et cetera.

  24. 45

    John Doe
    It’s not that. You tend to use lots of nyms of people I don’t know, so I often lose track and don’t know who exactly you’re talking about.

    Well, I’ll be 38 come next week, but one thing really hasn’t changed since I was 14: When I’m with my friends, we need at least on hour each time to vent about our parents. Or parents in law that is…

  25. 46

    During the Steven Universe controversy, someone came up and basically told me that nobody owes me visibility. I want to hurt this person very badly.

  26. 47

    Hell, I think I am ready to become a full-on sociopath if it is the most efficient means of being able to live my life. I willing to hurt as many people as possible on all sides if it means putting an end to these goddamn pointless and pathetic wars. SJW or anti-SJW, they are all FUCKASSES who I pray die in a car accident!

    Christ on a cross, I hate humans…

  27. 48

    Hey folks, (TLDR warning)
    I’d like to keep in touch more, but I’m just so tired. I’ve been working endless hours for the last .. two months? Might be more. I have no idea. It seems like forever.
    6th is a holiday here, so I actually had three days off work – 6th plus the weekend . It came as a surprise, considering I worked at least part of both previous holiday weekends. But the boss figured out we were all half-dead and it would be counterproductive to keep us working, and let us rest. I felt rested for about half of Monday and today I’m ready to cry again.
    Ever had about 20 people yelling at you, blaming you for all kinds of shit in their company and blaming your software that they haven’t even started using yet (you were just supposed to teach them to use it) for everything? Yeah, it’s not very nice.
    And of course, after I’m done with that rather intensive on-site user support, there are reports to write, tasks to assign , testing , responding to emails…. I am so done with 10+ hours workdays (current personal record is a 14 hours).
    I just can’t do it any more. My head hurts like hell every evening, I can’t sleep because I stress about work and then wake up at least an hour before the alarm because I stress about oversleeping.
    I don’t know what I’m telling people, I forget what I have to do. I mess things up and then have more to do because I messed up. This just can’t work in the long run.

  28. rq

    Sounds like you need a proper vacation, and extra sunlight (is winter dark over there?), and also less work hours in general. :/ Is there any way to change any of the smaller or more immediate stressors?

  29. 50

    Alright, it’s time for me to tell the truth.

    I got into a fight with Alyssa from Alyssa and Ania ‘Splain You A Thing. I just tried to apologize for what I said, but my comment didn’t show up as it appears I’ve been banned from commenting. Could someone please tell her that I am sorry for me? I feel really really bad now.

  30. 52

    Are there any labour laws and a union you could turn to?

    Insulating the ceiling, next chapter
    Remember me complaining about my father in law being a stubborn mule?
    Well, today we worked at the ceiling again, and of course it took us more than an hour to do the no space jigsaw puzzle in the corner with the pipes. It’s not helping that the silo is already standing there so space is tight, but in the end we managed to finish that row. Guess where he wanted to start the next row of plates? Yes, exactly. By the door, where there’s lots of space to work. This time he saw reason, though…

  31. 54

    *hugs* and lots of sympathy. I’ve been there before, and I have the bleeding ulcer and lingering anxiety disorder to prove it. I hope you can get into a better situation soon.

  32. 55

    John Doe
    1) If you’ve seriously pissed Alyssa off, I’m not gonna be the one to go to bat for you there.
    2)Yes, you have been rude. You’ve been reposting the same screeds in thread after thread, and never actually engaging with anyone or having a conversation for longer than a single post before you apparently copy/paste something you said earlier. Seriously, dude, you gotta stop doing that.

  33. 56

    One thing we have is light – the skies are mostly clear and that’s really nice. Even with temperatures around -10°C.

    Thanks for the sympathy. I don’t feel like there is much I can do except brush up my CV and prepare to go to some interviews (with all the downsides of the job, in normal conditions I could slip out during the day to go to an interview – I work overtime all the time anyway, so no one would blink if I disappeared for an hour and a half once). Right now I haven’t the time nor energy to search, nor I can actually attend any interview someone might suggest.
    Maybe when it all calms down. Although, by then I will conclude that things are not all that bad and that I can deal… until the next ill-thought-out project.

    “insulting the ceiling”
    I had to go back twice and check that you weren’t actually talking about insulting ceiling. Poor ceiling, what did it ever do to you.

  34. rq


    Poor ceiling, what did it ever do to you.

    Well, for one, it’s constantly looking down on her.

    Sorry for not acknowledging you earlier somewhere upthread, I hope you are doing well.

    Hope you’ve had a good start to the new year.

    *waves* to Cal, it’s really good to see you here and doing rather well.

    John Doe
    Mostly I just don’t know what to say to you – I have no idea about the specific things (Stephen Universe controversy? What?) and people (‘nyms I’ve never seen before…) you’re talking about, and while I have sympathy for your general negative situation, I can’t figure out if you want comforting words and sympathy, or someone to agree with your more violent expressions.

  35. 60

    Hi All,

    Waves in the direction of the pillow fort.

    Hi Beatrice, sorry things are going along the way they are for you. I am working 12 hour days too but it’s more like a structured boredom situation peppered with insults and bits of fox news. We also just got rid of a crappy caregiver who was causing havoc and so my stress is eased, hope yours is soon.

    John Doe

    Your posts have not made much sense to me and I don’t know how to respond.

  36. 61


    I am happy to hear about your remodel and getting the new place, good luck with all that. I have only a few more things to finish up before I can say I am DONE… and I started last year!

  37. 62

    I can’t seem to get the feeling of hopelessness to abate regarding our situation so I am making myself write a post on my dream width account everyday and hoping to feel good enough about it to share with some of the horde here in the near future.

    I would really like some critical analysis of my writing skills. I have wanted to be a writer since I saw the Homecoming when I was a kid. I wanted to be John Boy Walton. Starting over at 55 is no joke folks but I see opportunity with this job. I will earn enough to finish the house and then………I will have a guest bedroom for visitor friends who want to come to California? 🙂

    bell rings, I go back to work

  38. 67

    Looks like thawing by this time next week. I’ve got my usual weekend shifts (probably, I dunno about Sunday yet), and hopefully the pie shop will be back open next week too.

  39. 68

    Hope the weather clears up

    Speaking of weather, we had some. Most of it storm. I was so afraid the scaffolding around the house would be torn out, but thankfully it held.

    Thanks. We started last year as well and we’re nowhere near finished. “Remodelling” doesn’t really cut it. We bought a house built in the 1960, tore out everything except the walls and some of them as well and are now renovating everything to the current German standard.
    Electricity (done), water, heating, roof, windows, all around insulation. But then we’ll have a house that’s as good as new in a wonderful location with a big garden and a forest directly behind it.

  40. 69

    Hi All.

    Belated *wave* to Cal!
    Dalillama hope the weather improves and you can get back to a more regular work schedule.
    Giliell sounds like a big endeavor, but also progress being made.
    Cheers all. Still just trying to get through each day – no big issues, just small stuff that tends to wear me down.

  41. 70


    Wow, it sounds wonderful, especially the garden and the forest.

    My house backs up to a huge field and the owner usually grows hay (and one day there will be houses, hopefully after I die). There is a farm to the West with a little bit of everything including three ostriches, and it wouldn’t be California without vineyards everywhere.

    We are getting rain in California! My town is within a few inches of our normal totals. Not good enough to get us out of the drought but I may not have to carry bathwater out in buckets this summer. I lay in bed at night dreaming of my spring garden. I want to put in some grapes this year (my first time with grapes) but not if it interferes with my tomatoes!


    Sorry to hear you are so weary, but glad you are hanging in there.


    I was thinking about you during the holidays when I was out doing some xmas shopping with my ex as our son was getting major dentistry done. He was so sweet to stand there and hold my man bag while I tried on clothes and seems so happy for me when I found some slacks that fit and felt good to me. I was remembering you talking about shopping with your mom and what a drag that was. I had an experience like that with a friend shopping once and never did go with her again.

    I really do have a lot to be grateful for. I wish I could see that more often. Hope you get back to work soon and are doing well.

    I am so liking all the gender conversations going on at FTBs. I can’t get to the Trans Tuesdays in my town yet and yearn to hear more of these dialogues.

    Back to work, there goes the bell!


  42. rq

    I hope the weather lets up!! *hugs*

    Ayoo! While you’re getting Tony all settled in, maybe you can just hand over that Campari just to your left there, up on the shelf…?
    Also good to see you ’round here. Be well, and remember to take a break every now and then, too!

  43. 74


    We are getting rain in California!

    No kidding! I was pretty “impressed” when the 2-ton SUV hydroplaned and shifted about a foot sideways on the drive home earlier this week. Yeesh!

    Tony asks:

    Wheres the bartender?!

    *hands Tony a mirror*

    *hands rq the Campari*

    Hopefully things will get back to a more regular routine, and I can participate more.

  44. 76


    No kidding! I was pretty “impressed” when the 2-ton SUV hydroplaned and shifted about a foot sideways on the drive home earlier this week. Yeesh!

    Can’t even imagine how much rubber there must be on the road after such a long dry spell. Must be like liquid soap.

    Jeesh, do you know the thing where you bought something once and it turned out to be the best thing ever but now that it needs replacement you can’t find it again?

    Hey, for the next 18 months I’m now an official Beamte. So, no more dirty jokes and sex only with the lights out. Tomorrow’s the first day at my new school, I’m a bit nervous…

  45. 78

    Tony, I can’t offer you sex, in which you wouldn’t be interested anyway, but some hugs.

    I know there aren’t any good times to be sick as fuck, but among the really bad times your first day at a training position AND your birthday rankes shortly after “while in labour”

  46. 79

    Safely ensconced in Baltimore, I’ve been enjoying my vacation, and making plans for the Big March on Saturday. Somewhat threadrupt, so I apologise if I’ve missed anyone’s important news.

  47. 80

    Hey Everyone,

    Be safe at the march and thank you for going.I’m glad you are enjoying your vacation. I was planning on attending the sister march in my town(2200 registered!) I couldn’t get the day off:( I am so disappointed.
    I know there will be more events and with enough notice I could probably get the day off for the next one.

    I had a strange thing happen twice at fellowship yesterday. I had two different people gaslight me. I know it is unintentional and they mean well but still. Then I wonder if it is just me? I mentioned I had come out of my seasonal depression early and was really feeling ready for whatever comes next, and they said that maybe it was because I was coming out as trans gender I was feeling better. They are trans too. Lead balloon time. I felt the need to justify being in this body for 55 years and knowing it a bit better than they did.

    Sometimes going to the fellowship has been very difficult and takes all my spoons. Just trying to figure out where I want to go after the service and how I need to present to do what I need to do can make me want to go back to bed. Sometimes I do, usually when I am depressed. So IDK

    I hear we have another storm in a few days. Bring it on. This has brightened me quite a bit even though we aren’t there yet.

  48. rq

    Alles Gute!!
    Also get well soon.


    Be as safe as is prudent and/or possible, and enjoy yourself – as much as making a stand against fascism can be enjoyable. 🙂

  49. 83

    Losing more work today, due to a projected ice storm. I’ve also done my bad ankle and knee a terrible mischief from walking on ice all week, so not being on my feet for 11 hours is a positive. Losing another 11 hours of pay is less positive.

    I’m glad your shopping went well 🙂


    Be safe as possible, have fun.

    Nah, he wasn’t the last one alive, he was the last person on the lunar surface. Buzz Aldrin, Alan Bean, David Scott, John Young, Charles Duke, and Harrison Schmidt are all still alive.

  50. rq

    Oooooooh… well that part flew right over my head. 😛 Thanks for the correction!
    I hope your bad ankle and knee get better and let you not miss anymore shift time!!

  51. rq

    *hugs* (if you want, if not – *higs*)
    I think the point of gaslighting is to make you wonder if it is just you… I can only commend you for putting up with all the bullshit and keeping on with everything, I’m rooting for you!

  52. 89


    Thanks for rooting for me rq, you have no idea how much having this place means to me. I am going to set up a time to meet with my pastor. He sees me. I see him. I took an instant liking to him because he wasn’t put off in the least by my atheism nor by my skepticism. I want to ask him to teach on listening with empathy instead listening to fix.

    I am doing very well emotionally now, mostly because of The Orbit and FTBs and various Trans spaces helping me grow and answering questions or even letting me share my experience without gas lighting! I have depression. It’s okay. I tend to befriend the black dog and go easy on myself in these periods, but when it lifts, it’s a fucking celebration!

    I had so much of that gas lighting crap as a kid and I am very sensitive to it. I feel solid now and I guess I just won’t let people do it to me anymore.

    Even when I can’t post I try to stay up with what is going on around these here parts.

    Oh, and yes, I will take the hug rq. I feel safe here and grateful for the all of my fellow pubbers.


    I don’t know what is happening but it has been going on and off like this since last fall. I am trying to post over at FTBs and it takes a while there also. I have another account on word press that Jason told me I would never be able to change at FTBs. I would love be able to change the picture on the avatar as it reflects a time in the past. I had to just accept someone in my family might find out I am trans and I am okay with that now.

    I think I can tell just about anybody to fuck off at this point, and I can still run pretty fast if I have too.


  53. 92

    Hello, I’m trying at being regular again.
    So… hello.

    Glad to hear about Chelsea. I hope everything goes smoothly, she gets out in May and gets to live her life in peace.

  54. 93

    Husband is already watching inaugural coverage. I am trying not to scream. Please send help. Now the horrible Lindsey Graham is sliming all over Greta van Susteran. It’s worse.

    Actually I should go put laundry away. I’ll be in the pillow fort with my head buried.

  55. 95

    Hi Tony, I think I figured this out. I am on another wordpress account when I post on FTBs so I am not going to comment on FTbs anymore. I logged in to give condolences to Nerd of the Redheads and that unlogged me here? IDK but before I post I will make sure I am logged in properly.

    So my last two posts went where?

  56. 96

    I’m hiding in the den with Patches, doing laundry and listening to the classical music station.

    Husband is in the living room watching MSNBC. Occasionally, I hear screaming. I hope he’s having fun. Gah.

  57. 98

    *waves* to Beatrice

    *hug*, *higs* and other gestures of support to all today. I’m still mostly ignoring news, etc. I just….can’t. I’ve even stopped reading a local car enthusiast email list – of which I’m one of the founding members and the list owner is one of my best friends – due to a few very vocal RWA/Trump-supporters. I know it would be better if I could offer resistance/engage, but from past experience these few people are not honest interlocutors.

    Anyhoo, I feel like I should be “doing something” but right now I’m focusing on the family – Son is finishing up semester finals (Junior in high school) and doing REALLY well, so I want to keep encouraging him and help him get ready for college.

    *back to semi-lurk mode*

  58. 101


    Thank you Tony, I appreciate it.

    I made it through an entire day with the trump live crap. I had one earbud in and the tv in the LR half ass loud. My lovely senior was a saltine cracker of salty about me not sitting with her to watch the festivities. She turned that fucking tv so loud I started humming to myself. I was not defeated. I heard him not.


  59. 103

    I like to imagine that what was going through her head was something like this:
    I know this is bullshit, you know this is bullshit, everyone knows this is bullshit. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to smile, I don’t even want to live on the same planet any more. So let just finish this fucking day already, so that I can go home and have a little cry. Oh wait, you’re going to live in my home now. I feel retroactively disgusted. God damn. Where is that helicopter already?

  60. 104

    Haven’t been around lately. I’ve been ill (and still am), work is going bad (perhaps because I was gone for half a month with a flu). The bright side is that personal life is wonderful, but sometimes can be also a bit stressful. She already asked me if I’m unconsciously pushing her away :/
    (I don’t think so, but I feel that she sometimes does it when she’s depressed)

    You too came back from a hiatus? Good, we can catch up together. I’ll be waiting for your recipes 🙂


    Hey, for the next 18 months I’m now an official Beamte.

    Does it mean that you now rank as a Hauptmann?
    *gives salute* 🙂

    Best wishes! It’s good to be back!

  61. rq

    Warning: Severe Mansplaining Ahead.
    This dude right here writing for the Guardian. I will freely admit that I did not make it through the entire article because the condescension was too thick to make a point. I was caught here:

    If you’re showing up at the Women’s March on 21 January in the hopes that the world will be different on 22 January, then you need to think seriously about the goal of marching.

    As a general rule, before you protest, ask yourself why this is one of your chosen forms of action. Question your tactics, not your motives. In this case, the obvious first question for any activist ought to be: why deploy a communal march in the streets as a form of protest?[…]

    So why are women marching the day after Donald Trump becomes president? It all comes down to a false theory of how the people can assert sovereign power over their elected president in 2017.

    Today’s social activists have succumbed to one of the most enduring myths of contemporary American protest: the comforting belief that if you can get enough people into the streets from diverse demographics, largely unified behind a clear message, then our representatives will be forced to heed the crowd’s wishes.[…]

    But let’s be real: there are countless counter-examples of marches on Washington that failed: the 1913 march of women to demand the right to vote, the 1978 march for the Equal Rights Amendment, the 1986 Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament, the Million Man March of 1995, the 2004 March for Women’s Lives, the inauguration protests against George W Bush’s second term in 2005 … the list is practically endless. Activists have a tendency to ignore repeated failure in favor of overemphasizing one or two anomalous minor victories.

    GIVE UP!!! GIVE UP ALREADY, JUST LIE DOWN AND TAKE IT! That’s the attitude I see – but then there’s the whole point that I didn’t march in order to see immediate, effective change the very next day. Because I’m pretty sure that the vast majority of women out there (and oh hey look there’s some men, too!) know that. It’s a show of solidarity and resistance, a way of saying ‘no’ in the face of something that we cannot change all that quickly. Basically, I think the author missed the point.
    And someone needs to make a movie about that Women’s March to Versailles, complete with daring feats of acrobatics and cannon explosions, like any good action movie.

  62. 107

    Hi there
    I’ll describe my current state as “mostly alive”. I’m feeling better, but it’s never good to just dope yourself through a heavy cold.


    That’s the attitude I see – but then there’s the whole point that I didn’t march in order to see immediate, effective change the very next day.

    Yeah, that struck me as plain stupid as well in the article. Apparently this person has never ever gone to any single protest in his entire life. Apart from some rare times when you try to physically stop people from doing something, nobody ever went to a protest thinking “and then the president will step down/cancel the law immediately/turn everything around”. You show your opposition, you show others that they’re not alone, you position yourself as a force to be reckoned with.
    Though it’s telling that he apparently missed the big women’s protest in Poland that actually had some immediate effects.
    Also, if the 1913 march on Washington failed, how come women got the vote?

  63. rq

    I think he’s confusing the ideas of long-term investment and proximate results.
    Imagine no women ever marched for the vote! And now imagine that all those unsuccessful marches actually had a cumulative effect towards the final result of how things turned out…

    I’m glad you’re feeling better, hope the trend continues and the dope can be reduced!

  64. 110


    I think he’s confusing the ideas of long-term investment and proximate results.

    Maybe he himself never managed the concept of delayed gratification and his editor has to pay him in quarters before he hands over his writings…

  65. rq

    Speaking of…

    Also, if the 1913 march on Washington failed, how come women got the vote?

    See: History

    Women had fought for suffrage since at least 1848. But the 1913 march kicked off a series of political actions that swayed the public and male politicians, finally pushing them to pass the 19th Amendment to the Constitution. By 1920, American women had the right to vote.

  66. 113

    That mansplaining article…so much ARGH!
    I think I stopped reading at roughly the same spot you did.


    I posed these two questions on my FB page, and I suspect you might answer similarly.

    How Germans feeling (on average) about the rise of fascism in the US?

    How do Germans view USAmericans in light of our collective vote for a fascist piece of shit?

    Related: I seem to recall reading somewhere that collectively, Germany (the government and the civilian populace) assumed responsibility for the Nazis. Am I correct in that?

  67. 116


    Related: I seem to recall reading somewhere that collectively, Germany (the government and the civilian populace) assumed responsibility for the Nazis. Am I correct in that?
    You don’t go for short and easy questions, do you?

    How Germans feeling (on average) about the rise of fascism in the US? How do Germans view USAmericans in light of our collective vote for a fascist piece of shit?

    I don’t think that most Germans realise that this is actual fascism on the rise. They mostly see Trump as Trump the ridiculous, not as Trump the fascist. Therefore the general feeling seems to be “Americans are getting more stupid by the day”. I think our politicians are up to speed.
    The European right is cheering, of course. Le Pen, the AfD, the bleach blonde Dutch fascist…

    Related: I seem to recall reading somewhere that collectively, Germany (the government and the civilian populace) assumed responsibility for the Nazis. Am I correct in that?

    Nyes. Difficult. Complicated.
    Germany has the judicial and moral responsibility. But the term “Kollektivschuld” is a contested term. The right will cry you a river about how poor Germans are all accused of the crimes of fascism for all times, turning themselves into victims.
    But you could say there is still some sense of collective responsibility, though as we’ve seen in the last Yugoslavia war, this can be used as an excuse for further crimes.

  68. 117

    Thank you.
    Those who follow me on FB know that I have a good deal of concern about the direction this country is headed. Especially in light of arguments that it is wrong to punch Nazis.

  69. 118

    Over on Facebook, I like to regularly post statuses intended for friend participation. Often, it’s to discuss a non-serious subject, like “what are five of your favorite sci-fi novels” or “what’s the worst superhero movie in your opinion”.

    Given this post-election era, with the authoritarian Apricot Asshole in the White House, I asked people what comforts them. Food, drinks, acitivities, tv, books, etc. Of all the answers I received, there were two (really *one*, but it was shared by two people) that really hit me in a deeply emotional way.

    These two people said that they derived comfort from *me*.

    I can’t even explain how that hit me to read that. Of course it was extremely kind and all kinds of amazing. But I can’t wrap my head around it, bc I feel like I’m not doing anything. And then I have to remember what I was just told. I’m doing *something*. And it has a positive, comforting effect on at least two people.

    It feels like a great honor was bestowed on me and I wish I knew what I did to deserve that.

    (yeah, I totes cried upon reading both comments).


    On a related note, a post I just put up on FB regarding the punching of Nazis is seeing people have a blast. The topic:

    “If you were planning a night of Nazi punching and needed some music to pump you up, what songs would you include on a Nazi Punching Playlist?”

  70. 119


    I really haven’t done any recipes lately.
    Well, I don’t really do fancy, I do oh shit, that’s still in the fridge and I’ll eat the same thing until Thursday, but at least I won’t have to cook after work, so today I tossed together some things to see how they turn out :

    A smoked leg of pig, sour cabbage and pearl barley are cooking in a big pot of water. There’s also bay leaves, a grated apple, red paprika,pepper and caraway seeds. After about 30 min, I’m going to add carrots and leave it on for another half an hour to forty minutes.
    That’s it, we’ll see how it turns out. It makes sense in my head and it makes sense when I see it all together in the pot, so I think it will be fine.

  71. rq

    A smoked leg of pig, sour cabbage and pearl barley

    This? As a base? Is pretty much all you need. I hope you enjoy(ed) it with your added-deliciousness extra ingredients!

  72. 121

    You’re a writer and an activist. It’s your job to be inspirational. Don’t sell yourself short 🙂

    “If you were planning a night of Nazi punching and needed some music to pump you up, what songs would you include on a Nazi Punching Playlist?”

    Cop Killer (Ice T & Body Count), Fire (The Crazy World of Arthur Brown), Holiday in Cambodia (The Dead Kennedys) – for different species of fascist and their enablers and supporters.
    All You Fascists Bound To Lose (Woody Guthrie), Which Side Are You On? (Pete Seeger) – for that classical feel.

    That sounds delicious! It’s a halfway mix between my mother’s usual meaty soup and my non-meaty borsch. Very enticing.

  73. 122

    Sounds delicious, except for the caraway seed.

    On the topic of counting Nazis, let me shamelessly plug in what I said on Twitter

    Yesterday was the “come and see day” at the school we favour for #1 and she agrees.

  74. 123

    Home and rested from my journey, had an enjoyable train ride home. Off in half an hour to sit at an info booth for Spectrum (our queer community centre) at a church. I’m hoping the carpet doesn’t smoke under my pot-smokin’ commie lesbo atheist feet.

    Did I post here about how amazing the women’s march was? Haven’t got time just now to check or report, but amazing doesn’t describe it. Despite my various reasons for fearing crowds, I was never anxious at this rally.

    More later, love y’all.

  75. 124

    I’m glad you had what sounds like a positive experience at the women’s march.


    I was so proud of my sister. She has not, to the best of my knowledge, been politically active to any greater or lesser degree than the average US citizen.

    She went to the March on Washington.
    She’s gone to protests at the Orlando airport.

    I could not be more proud of her (and yes, I did tell her this).

  76. 125


    It’s great your sister got involved in protests!
    And I like that you told her, it’s good when one’s loved ones appreciate what you do.

  77. 126

    I’m pleased to see so many people involved in resisting Trump’s awful policies. Vive La Resistance!
    I’ve signed the petition to stop him having a state visit to the UK. Some people are saying it’s ‘gagging’ him, but this is the same ‘freeze peach’ argument we’ve seen all too often! Personally I don’t want him to set foot in this country, but understand that this may be politically necessary.

    In other news, my Mum is not doing great. She had another fall last week and will need carers to visit four times a day for the foreseeable future. She’s very withdrawn too.

    Also a good friend of mine has been diagnosed with lung cancer and this has spread to his brain. As I understand it, this is terminal.

    All in all this is not a good time.

    Sorry to have left it a while to comment.

  78. 127

    Even though I wake up every day with fear and uncertainty about what Donald Chump will do (or did while I was sleeping), I am absolutely thrilled to see so many people in this country not only exercising their free speech and protest rights against a literal tyrannical government, but I’m also heartened by the swift AS FUCK condemnation of the Ban on Muslims. All too often we hear about the rampant Islamophbia and anti-Mulsim bigotry pervading the US and other western nations. Thousands of people stood up and were all like “first they came for the Muslims and we were NOT going to remain silent and let this shit happen again”.
    And then the pro bono lawyers who showed up to advise people in airports around the US? Man, my hat is off to them.
    And to all the people who caused the massive and much needed surge in donations to the ACLU.
    And to all the people who are calling and writing and emailing their legislators.

    These are trying times. It’s genuinely horrifying that an authoritarian minded fascist wannabe tyrant is in control of the US and his cabinet is made up of incompetent bigots and outright Nazi’s . Some of the worst humanity has to offer are in powerful position, but some of the BEST humanity has to offer hare not acquiescing to this shit;.

    On a separate note, I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. 🙁

  79. 129

    I agree Tony. It was very heartening to see the grass roots response to the latest bigoted and racist policies coming from the new administration. Long may it continue. I’m horrified, if not surprised, by the behaviour of the POTUS. The only course of action by any reasonable person is to resist.

    I’ve been a little shocked that the BBC is reporting on people who still believe that Trump is doing all the right things. Whether this is a popular opinion (in which case America is in worse shape than I thought) or whether the BBC are searching out these people for balance (in which case I don’t think that is the way to report accurately). It gives the impression that a significant percentage of the populous is still behind him, when I’m pretty certain this is not the case.

    One of my concerns, amongst many, is that, if Trump gets his supreme court choice, it’s only a matter of time before the same-sex marriage laws are revoked.

    Some people seemed to think that, once he was in power, Trump would become ‘more presidential’. I never believed that and I think I’ve been proved right.

    I’m truly sorry that this is happening to you country.

  80. 130

    Hey y’all

    I’m busy, busy, busy and the state of the world doesn’t help.

    Good for your sister. I really hope the American people can make a difference.

    Gagging Trump? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like that doesn’t sound like a nice idea, but that bastard just has to say a word and the whole fucking world is listening.

  81. 131

    Giliell I know! The only gagging I experience is when his face appears on TV!
    Would you believe that the counter-petition to give Trump a state visit got 100000 signatures? At least I can console myself that the petition to stop the state visit has 1700000 signatures and counting.

  82. 132

    I am frankly terrified. Terrified I’m living in 1938 Austria, waiting for Trudeau to do something so threatening to Trump-Canada relations (like legalising marijuana, or accepting all the refugees the US won’t) that he sends in his military to help us make better decisions. He’s already threatening Mexico with invasion. I’m worried for my partner and her other partners, living under a new fascist regime, watching the rule of law erode in record time. One of her other partners is trans, so she’s got reason to be afraid of this new ‘religious freedom’ executive order expected.

    And all this while I live an hour and a half from the border. I’m not sure, rq, that Canada will continue to be the haven it’s striven to be.

    I haven’t felt this spooked about the immediate future since 1980 or so, with the Cold War in full effect. There’s a fucking Nazi in the White House, whispering into the most gullible ear there could be.

    Sorry to be a downer. I’m up for resistance – being an outsider having to make my way in a hostile world has been a thing for me – but I worry the politically disengaged will outnumber the justly outraged.

  83. 133

    General *hugs*. Kinda ‘rupt, new work schedule is draining the fuck out of me.
    Work has begun on a proposal for the Commune (Or a commmune(s) anyway; there’s several discussions that I’m kinda merging with my work. I’m still looking for my old links to the spreadsheet showing who does what, and a lotta those folks aren’t around here anymore (:( ), but if anyone’s interested in contributing, there’s a Google doc here containing what I’ve written so far, and a facebook group that folks who’re on the book of faces can join. The group (and the Commune, unless anyone has a better idea) is called the Rainbow Foundry. If that’s not enough to find it (i don’t facebook very well, I really don’t know), you can message me at my nym at gmx dot us. (not .com, someone else already had that one).

    The current plan (I don’t think the sheet is fully up to date yet) is to try for a location in Portland, built into an existing building, and another site in the Vancouver mountains, where the land is cheaper but a new building needs to be put up.

  84. 135

    Dalillama, Pete Seeger died in 2014.

    Hugs to all, hot tea and cookies are on the teacart. I’m worried about my Aged Mum and life in general, so I’ll be staying in the pillow fort. But I’m reading and thinking about all of you.

  85. rq

    Canada’s still better than here. There’s a lot of north out there; rowing a boat across the Baltic doesn’t quite have that same feeling of ‘space’ to it.

  86. 137

    Crossposted from TNT
    I need to ask the US/UK people a small favour. I’ve been wondering about what contemporary play to read with my 12th grade and then it struck me: why not read Hamilton? I can see there’s a book, but I don’t know if it contains the actual script. Could any of you have a look at it in a bookshop or library?

  87. rq

    I wish people who call themselves ex-pats would just come out and say they’re immigrants. I’m not ashamed. Work is finally treating me like one, too (have to do the state language exam because none of my education happened locally, so they have no proof that I know the national language, never mind that I’ve been writing reports for over ten years now).

  88. 141

    A Slovenian pediatrician asked the Medical Chamber of Slovenia to allow her conscientious objection against treating children whose parents don’t allow them to be vaccinated. She says she can’t in good conscience treat children that she knows could get ill with serious diseases that could have been prevented.
    She will accept urgent cases, but otherwise advises parents to take her unvaccinated children elsewhere.

    I think this might be the first time I actually agree with a conscientious objector in medicine.

    For some reason, Idris Elba’s invitation reminded me of our date with Alan Rickman, that could never be.

  89. 142

    I’m very sorry to hear about your mother and your friend. 🙁

    Interesting (and short) audio SciFi story:
    The Last Robot

    RTT (Trump edition):

    1. So. I’m trying to think about when this Trump wave started. In a way it was always here, in a way the Southern Strategy was the beginning, but it still doesn’t add on. Not Nixon, not Reagan, not Bush Sr., not even Bush Jr. are even close to Trump. He is a completely different beast.
    His base is also peculiar. It’s the same voter base as his predecessors’, but it acts very much differently. It could be because no other president in recent history had this much Nazi support, but are there really that many Nazis?

    My guess (and I’m taking it straight out of my ass) is that it’s more due to the support or opposition to Hillary from a white, male, “socially liberal” voters. Essentially the same people that gave us Elevatorgate and Gamergate and the entire manoshpere. From Sam Harris to that worthless SNL comedian that laughed about trans* people causing Democrats (or is it just democrats, seeing how GOP intends to become the only party?) to lose the vote.

    Which is weird. When people talk about the reasons for Nazi rise to power, they usually mention the hyper-inflation followed by hyper-deflation, the Versailles Treaty, WWI. I think Trump would be the only time in history when fascism/Nazism came to power because “ethics in video game journalism”.

    2. With the three major nuclear superpowers being dictatorships, and NATO being effectively ignored by Trump, what would stop China from taking over all those lovely islands and lands they’ve been eyeing for so long, or Russia annexing the Baltic states (again)?

    Does that mean that Germany and Japan, as the largest democracies without nuclear weapons, would have to arm up and form their own alliance?

  90. rq

    Me, too. Maybe we should apply to this one? After all, what’s the worst that could happen? 🙂


    With the three major nuclear superpowers being dictatorships, and NATO being effectively ignored by Trump, what would stop China from taking over all those lovely islands and lands they’ve been eyeing for so long, or Russia annexing the Baltic states (again)?
    Does that mean that Germany and Japan, as the largest democracies without nuclear weapons, would have to arm up and form their own alliance?

    Believe me, I have nightmares about this.

  91. 146

    You know what’s awkward? When you try (indoor) bouldering even though you have zero arm/grip strength.
    But it seems like fun and a good way I can improve my strength so I’m going to stick with it. I’ve also taken up running and I still hike.

    I don’t know what is happening, but it looks I’m a sports type after all. Going out for a run makes me feel alive.
    That’s awesome.

  92. rq

    Go you! I’m trying to figure out how to kick myself into some kind of activity. I do walk but not nearly enough.
    Bouldering sounds fun, I’ve only ever done generic rock-climbing; loved it. Good luck with the boulders, you’ll get strength in them arms in no time!

  93. 149

    I’m filling very weak and overwhelmed lately. I have trouble joggling work and relationship to such a degree that I still haven’t found the energy to work on my new computer (it has a bigly driver problem).

  94. rq

    A stress reaction, maybe? Even with enough hours at night, your brain/body might be telling you to take a break…
    I hope, at least, that the relationship part is going well, and that the time and energy spent there is worth it.

  95. 154

    No, I haven’t forgotten you, I’ve just been busy, busy, busy.
    I should be working on a Spanish lesson right now but the kids are here and there’s no use because I can’t hear my own thoughts…

    Idris Elba would like to know something.

    Damn, I wished Mr had won the lottery so I could buy up all the tickets.

    Yay for bouldering


    Personal stuff
    Yay, we got heating in the house. And it calls me via telephone…
    Yay, I signed #1 up for the new school.
    Urgh, need to talk with the didactics boss about her, uhm, special characteristics.
    Urgh, had a first aid course yesterday as part of the teacher training. Of course that’s sensible and useful, but getting up at 5:30 on a Saturday and then driving through snow and sleet for an hour is no fun.
    Yay, my favourite cinnamon tea is not giving me stomach cramps
    Urgh, I still have stomach cramps despite abstaining from my favourite tea…

  96. 155

    Had a date (on Friday – which was 2 days ago, so note that in relation to the rest) and then another and now I suppose I’m seeing a colleague from work who I never really considered a potential anything.
    I like spending time with him and I like occasional kisses. He seems really … smitten or something. So that’s weird and a bit scary. It feels like I’m not nearly as much into him as he is into me. I mean, before Friday I didn’t consider him as anything but a colleague I can talk to. So now we’re getting to know each other a bit better (and there’s the kissing which I mentioned is nice 🙂 ), but it’s not like I’m crazy about him or anything.
    Two dates. That’s all. Obviously he asked me out in the first place because he had some feelings for me, but I’m still on the “this is nice” level.

    The way he seems ridiculously happy is scary and makes me feel a bit like an unfeeling bitch.

  97. 157

    [Forget about fishing anything out of anywhere :)]
    I can just do this:

    Had a date (on Friday – which was 2 days ago, so note that in relation to the rest) and then another and now I suppose I’m seeing a colleague from work who I never really considered a potential anything.
    I like spending time with him and I like occasional kisses. He seems really … smitten or something. So that’s weird and a bit scary. It feels like I’m not nearly as much into him as he is into me. I mean, before Friday I didn’t consider him as anything but a colleague I can talk to. So now we’re getting to know each other a bit better (and there’s the kissing which I mentioned is nice 🙂 ), but it’s not like I’m crazy about him or anything.
    Two dates. That’s all. Obviously he asked me out in the first place because he had some feelings for me, but I’m still on the “this is nice” level.

    The way he seems ridiculously happy is scary and makes me feel a bit like an unfeeling …er, person.

  98. 158

    It’s most definitely worth it and it is going well, which is all the more why I feel so guilty about being tired. I should be walking on clouds and skipping in flowers, damn it! 🙂


    didactics boss

    What’s that? What’s that in a 21st century meaning?
    Actually whatever it is, it sounds like it should belong at the end of a dungeon or atop a great tower.

    If this is nice than that is nice! 😛
    Before me and my gf started dating we were very close friends at and after work and didn’t consider each other romantically for over half a year. Until it all changed.
    Regardless (and our situation is different – we were really close friends for over six months before we started dating, so our feeling were mutual and we knew each other relatively well), you not feeling the same way about him as he does about you doesn’t make you an unfeeling person – it makes you a normal person!

  99. rq

    Does anyone know if the Human Right Convention is still suspended in Turkey? I can’t seem to google-fu that information.

  100. 160

    Didactic is so to speak “the art of teaching”. That person is in charge of developing teaching in a school.

    Enjoy yourself!

    Guide for using the staff room dishwasher

    Beginners level:
    Do not recognise the existence of a dishwasher. Put your cup into the sink. It will magically reappear all clean and dry in the cupboard.

    Realise there are no mugs.
    Open the dishwasher.
    Find clean mugs.
    Do NOT take a towel and dry all the mugs and put them into the cupboard.
    Take out ONE mug and use it. Leave the rest. They will magically turn up all nice and dry in the cupboard.

    Professional level:
    Open the dishwasher.
    Notice that some advanced users have already taken out some mugs.
    Do NOT check whether the other mugs are clean or dirty. Just put yours in.
    Bonus points if the rest of your coffee drips on the previously clean mugs.
    Don’t worry, everything will reappear clean and dry in the cupboard….

  101. 161


    everything will reappear clean and dry in the cupboard

    Same goes for work load – try to do your job as little as possible. Don’t worry, your job will get magically done by someone else. It’s a winning recipe for life!


    Does anyone know if the Human Right Convention is still suspended in Turkey? I can’t seem to google-fu that information.

    Turkey has softened its emergency laws, but the state of emergency is still in force. That could be a violation of the Convention, in particular Article 15, which is very strict about how and when it could be suspended. But that depends on what you consider a state of emergency and to what extent the treaty could be limited before it’s being outright violated.
    At any rate, Turkey now claims that it’s compliant with the Convention. Curiously, EU isn’t claiming that Turkey is violating or “suspending” the Convention, but rather express concern over human rights violations.

  102. 166

    Hello again, just popped in for this story that happened this week:

    My phone rings. I’m sort of expecting a call from dad, nothing terribly important.

    I pick up the phone and try to answer, but my mouth won’t cooperate. Suddenly I feel extremely sleepy, that must be the reason for my inability to speak. Actually, I realize, I’m in my bed. I must have answered the phone while sleeping.

    Now I struggle to speak, becoming more awake by the moment. Suddenly, I realize there is no phone or call. I dreamed it, and then my brain woke up to be able to speak.

    Thanks, brain.

  103. 168

    Arctic Ape
    And I thought I had weird dreams!

    Dunno, but it’s good to have you back!

    I realized why I’m so tired lately. I slept roughly as much as I used to during the work days, but since the weekends are reserved for going out together, I keep sleeping on them as much as I sleep on work days. Which is not enough, particularly when I’m taking slightly more pain meds right now.
    So I need to find time to sleep. Or to do anything. I have two important issues that I haven’t taken care of for over two months now :/

  104. 169

    Something random I just heard: A week ago Finnish President Sauli Niinistö played pond hockey in a local (Käpylä, Helsinki) team against Canadian Embassy staff. The Canadians lost 5-0. Ambassador Andree Cooligan herself couldn’t join the game because of health issues.

  105. 170

    rq, I feel I’m gradually becoming more and more alive with the increasing daylight. Have been sick repeatedly but not severely, so don’t know about this NDE thing.

    Alexander, I often slip into a habit of sleeping too little at night and then 1-2 hours in afternoon. I can usually get away with long naps, but it’s bad for regular sleeping.

  106. 171

    I find I’m more productive in the afternoon if I’ve had a 1-hour nap around 13h. I set an alarm for one hour, and usually get about forty-five minutes sleeping.

    This also helps to limit my depression-induced behaviour of spending too much daylight time in or on my bed.

  107. 172

    I think my natural pattern would be to sleep for a while in the afternoon. The southern European siesta always sounds like a good idea to me!

    In other news: my Mum is not doing well. She’s now had three ‘incidents’ since Christmas. We had her doctor do some memory checks last week and she didn’t do very well. She’s now angry with the rest of the family for bringing the doctor in. I think she’s been hiding the problem for a long time and now it’s been exposed. I guess she’s angry at the exposure and scared what the consequences will be. Not happy times.

  108. 173

    Sleep? What’S that?
    I hate Wednesdays. I get up at 5:30, leave house at 6:30, get home at 7:30. Well, the other 7:30…
    But I got myself the biggest kebap ever on my way home.

    Also, fuck. I think I’m getting a fructose intolerance. I thought it was lactose intolerance but today I got those horrible cramps even though I took lactase with the coffee. But I also had a nice nashi pear…

  109. 174

    Arcitc Ape
    I know that, waking through layers of dreams.
    Also, waking up in the morning and not being able to remember whether I actually had some mundane conversation with Mr already or only dreamt it and still needed to pass on the information

  110. 175

    Thanks to everyone for sharing their insights. I really need to figure out a good cycle for me and this helps a lot!

    I’m sorry. My mother has frequent gaps in memory with dangerous effects (she very often forgets to turn off the flame, etc.) I’m worried for her as well.

    How do you deal with sleep during back pains?
    I’ve discovered that the only way for me to fall asleep is to take a painkiller cocktail before hand and be at least slightly sleep deprived. Otherwise I can’t fall asleep at all and my pains are even worse.
    The problem with that is that even at the best of times I’m always sleepy at work. I even had to leave work early today just so I could get some sleep (and make sure I get to lie down because my neck was killing me and paralyzing the fingers on my right hand).

  111. 176

    bragimike, sorry to hear about your mum. Hugs offered.

    AlexanderZ, I’m always on heavy painkillers. I take a 6mg slow release Dilaudid twice a day, and three 1mg Dilaudid as needed each day. Typically, I take a 1mg about half an hour before napping or going to sleep. I have the best freakin doctor.

  112. 181

    Since yesterday, Finland has marriage equality in effect.

    It’s part of a larger marriage law reform that’s taken ages to process. The part about same sex marriage was included by public petition, and the decisive parliament vote took place in December 2014.

    After that vote, the antis started a really desperate last ditch effort, producing another petition to overturn the result of the previous petition. After long delays, it was voted down in parliament last month, with a much larger majority than the one that passed the original petition. I guess many of the conservative MPs didn’t particularly want to get mired in an endless counter-petition war. This whole petition system is relatively new and might require some fine tuning.

  113. 182

    Since yesterday, Finland has marriage equality in effect.

    Yay Finland!

    This whole petition system is relatively new and might require some fine tuning.

    Yeah, we something similar here in California – propositions. It has its good and bad points.

  114. 184

    Yay for Finland, yay for Elder Swan! Very nice pictures.

    My body is trying to play some stupid Pawlov’s dog shit with me. Over the last weeks I had a problem. Stomach cramps. Serious, stomach cramps. Break down crying stomach/intestine cramps.
    I thought it was lactose intolerance that finally caught up with me (co-morbidity with Hashimoto’s) and bought some lactase but still I got these horrible cramps.
    Turns out I’d been trying to eat a bit more healthily and always packed some fresh fruit, mostly nashi (Korean) pears and apparently I’ve developed a fructose intolerance*.
    Fuck my body. Every time I’m trying to eat healthily it finds something else.
    Since I stopped eating the nashis the bad stomach cramps are gone, but whenever I eat any fruit/veg OR have something with milk my stomach does a little preemptive cramp…

    *Have you ever noticed how lactose intolerance is proof we shouldn’t drink milk but fructose intolerance not that we shouldn’t eat fruit?

  115. 185


    I’ve had moderately strong stomach cramps on two occasions very recently (previously had mild ones now and then). No idea what might have caused them. Can’t be lactose or fructose because I consume milk and various fruits all the time.

    I’ve never heard of fructose intolerance, even though I’ve heard people complain that US food industry adds high fructose corn syrup in everything and it’s supposedly bad for your metabolism.

  116. rq

    (My browser is trying to tell me this is a duplicate comment. Oh well, twice the *hugs* for you!)

  117. 193

    Paging Bragimike, paging Bragimike (or any other resident Brit)
    I’d need a hjuuuuuuge favour: some British play money and some British sweets. Expenses would, of course, be paid.

  118. 195

    You’re the best!
    I need some paper playmoney. Like for kids when they play shopping and some typically British sweets like Cadburry’s, in party favour format. Like you’d buy to stock up your daughter’s toy supermarket.
    Best shoot me a mail, it’s nymatyahoodotde

  119. 196

    OK, my stomach pain turned out to be appendicitis. I was operated three days ago and left hospital yesterday.

    It’s nice that modern medicine can handle these things pretty well. It’s nice that my treatment is pretty much entirely publicly paid. It’s nice that I was educated and economically privileged enough to seek treatment before my condition got really painful or dangerous.

    Things that are not nice – Having to wait in hospital for about 48 hours in total for diagnosis and surgery (Pro tip, do not seek treatment on a Friday.) I wasn’t feeling much sick but had to stay in because there was the possibility of appendix rupture, and you’d never know when they could operate a semi-urgent case like me. Apparently there were a lot of stabbing victims in Helsinki that weekend, needing urgent surgery.

    Also not nice, antibiotic induced diarrhea.

  120. 197

    Giliell email sent!

    Arctic Ape I’m glad to hear that your problem is sorted out and is not something more serious. Sorry for the pain and related discomfort.

    Hooray for universal healthcare!

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