Speakeasy #16







Speakeasy #16

82 thoughts on “Speakeasy #16

  1. 7

    I’ve screwed up:
    I’m having a good time with a nuero atypical person. I enjoy all of her quirks and I’ve commented on how she isn’t like other people (in a good way!) and how I love those differences that make her so unique.
    She wasn’t happy about it.
    A day later she wrote to me that her wish is to be normal and that my comments had made her very angry.
    Naturally I’ve stopped saying those things, but I still love her eccentricities. I still find her various reactions very cute, even though I know that she would want me not to notice that her words and actions are in any way different from the “normal”.
    The worst of all is that I don’t know if she notices that I notice those differences even without me commenting on them. She’s the kind of person who let things reach a boiling point and only then talk about them, and obviously I can’t say anything either.

    What should I do?
    (sorry for the broad question, but I still don’t have any concrete thoughts)

  2. 8

    Checking in.

    I think I overdid it in PT today — things are extra-hurty. But I did 1000+ steps on the machine! (It’s one of these things.) I like it because I don’t have to worry about falling, just pull my chair right up to the side and do a combination slide/pivot transfer, and I’m good to go.

    It’s also kinda nice to see the same folks every week.

  3. 9


    I’m no expert in relationships (in fact I’m also trying to figure out the one I’m in), but maybe this is like confessing a lie. Would you do it to make yourself feel better or to make her feel better? If it’s only for you and she’d just be hurt – don’t.
    Otherwise, if you’re afraid keeping silent would just make things worse say something.

    Er… I don’t actually know the right answer. 🙁

  4. 11

    …and subscribing now, because apparently I had the dumb and forgot to click the ticky-box.

    And I can now confirm that I pushed myself way too far in PT yesterday. I’m a big ball of ouch.

    Alexander Z

    I’m sorry, man — I wish I had something helpful, but I’m not exactly well-socialized.

  5. 12

    AlexanderZ I’m no expert on relationships either, but it sounds like the very things that you find attractive are the things that this person doesn’t like about themselves. You can’t help finding these ‘quirks’ attractive, but maybe just try and appreciate the whole person.

    I have a concert tomorrow, the first this year. We have a new percussionist who is very good, so hopefully it will be a good concert. Then we lose an hour’s sleep, then it’s Mother’s Day. It’s all go!

  6. rq

    I always thought Mothers’ Day was in May – until I was just in London and everyone was advertising for it.
    Good luck with the concert, bragimike!
    I get to take the state language exam Sunday morning. At 9. Which will feel like 8.

    Similar to what others said, maybe try not commenting on individual quirks, but (if you must) compliment her entire person? (along the lines of “You make me so happy”, without accentuating how she’s ‘so different’ from anyone else you’ve ever met or ‘unique’) Appreciating the quirks doesn’t mean telling her all about how you appreciate them, it can come off sounding as if you’re asking to be rewarded for your appreciation (thus turning the attention to you). There must be ways of showing her (through your actions, other aspects of conversation, small gestures) that you enjoy HER, as a package, instead of dwelling on the quirks – which are, in the end, only a very small part of the entire endearing HER. 🙂
    Best of luck! *hugs*

  7. 15

    Thanks to everyone who’ve answered! Your answers helped!
    To clarify, I don’t love her because of her differences, it’s that I love her differences because I love her. And I’m not very good at conveying that even in writing, much less in person.
    Simply put I love everything about her, because she is a wonderful person. And yes, there must be a good way to convey that, but I keep feeling that saying “I love you” is not enough for some reason. I feel more, somehow.
    I dunno.
    The important thing is that we do love each other and we do say that to each other.

    bragimike, good luck with your concert!

    And good luck to rq on your test! You’ll ace it!

    Is it appropriate to wish you happiness?
    At any rate have massive hugs!

    I did my pool workout today and I know how workouts feel sometimes. At least it’s doing good to you in the long run.

  8. 16

    Hi, all. I have a coughy cold, so I’m staying in the isolation corner until I get better.

    Also one of our cats is refusing to eat this evening; she even growled at me when I offered her a treat. I’m worried, she is already pretty skinny, but there’s nothing much I can do but keep an eye on her. They’re 16 this week and she had early indications of kidney disease at her last checkup, so I’m preparing for the worst, I guess.

    Virtual hugs to all of you.

  9. 17


    It’s (nearly) always appropriate to wish someone happiness. Thanks, all the best to you too:)

    It sounds like you are overwhelmed. Just don’t overwhelm her with over the top professions of love! The two of you love each other and I’m sure you show all the “more” that you can’t (or is just awkward to) express in words.

  10. 18

    I hope you’re able to treat your cat. 16 is too young 🙁

    Thank you! And don’t worry – professions of love are not going to overwhelm her considering how often she does them herself. Actual love is overwhelming for both of us because we’re equally inexperienced in relationships.

  11. 25

    Hi all!

    Sorry to hear about the cold, Anne. I’m waiting for pollen allergies to hit. I’m guessing it’ll be a bad year for them, here in CA.

  12. 26

    Thanks, and solidarity on the annoying California pollen – the rain made everything burst into bloom, and now the wind is blowing the stuff everywhere. And the mockingbirds are courting. All night. Oh, for a good squirt gun…

    I mean, I like mockingbirds, they’re cute, smart, and very clever mimics. But Variations on a Car Alarm every night all night? Too much of a good thing.

  13. 27

    Anne you have my sympathies for the pollen and the mockingbirds.

    My wife suffers with hay fever and the season seems to have expanded in the last few years.

    Also, I remember once being kept awake by a magpie that was ‘cawing’ persistently. Birds are not something it’s easy to sleep through!

    Giliell : if you’re around, you have email!

  14. 30

    Anne, great photos by Elder Daughter.

    First the credit card gets declined by 2 merchants, due to some failure of the back-end processing. One of the merchants called me about it while I was on hold with the credit union to find out what was going on.

    Then tried to pay a big bill with the debit card, only to find out that there’s a daily limit that the bill exceeded. And apparently only certain CSRs can authorize a temp lifting of the limit. Took 45 minutes and 5 calls to sort that out.

    In between, someone who I thought was a friend (for the last 20 years), publicly and privately accused me of lying to my insurance company and committing fraud. And refused to understand what I explained to him, even after me calling my insur. agent to clarify.

    So, I will be in the far corner of the pillow fort with this full bottle of Scotch.

  15. 31

    Hi Everyone, Waves

    Long time no write.

    I thought I would stop by and do a quick hello to see if this goes through.

    Tony! Good to hear about Bannon being fired.

  16. 32


    My Little Old Lady(LOL) died in early February and I have been ill since her funeral. I got bronchitis, passed out in the pharmacy picking up antibiotics, taken to hospital, broke a rib coughing, then broke a toe and now have the shingles. SRSLY WTF!

    I am mostly on the other side of all that. My rib still hurts and my toe hurts when I take my shoe off, but other than that I am almost up and running… err, walking again.


    I am sorry to hear about your lousy friend situation, the whole thing really sounds like it sucks. Hope things improve.

  17. 35


    Its good to be here and be on the shiny side of life for a change. I haven’t had so many bad breaks so close together in a long while and I am hopeful for a good garden this summer to keep my mind off the shit show that is our government.

    I hope things are going well with you.

  18. 36

    Hi Cal, good to hear from you.

    Ideally, the situation would improve if the person in question admits they were wrong and apologizes. Unfortunately, I’ll not be holding my breath (sigh). We don’t have much meat-space interaction anymore, so there’s that.

    Anyway….new week. Moving on!

  19. 37

    North Carolina Rethuglicans have submitted a bill to eliminate same-sex marriage, claiming (faaaaaaaaaaaaalsely) that SCOTUS doesn’t have the power to make such decisions. Oh, and they think their religious beliefs should hold sway.
    Theocracy minded asswipes.

  20. 38

    If you’re still around (haven’t seen you here or on FB in a while), my latest post is a poem. You once mentioned that I should write more poetry, so I thought I’d let you know I have tried my hand at it again.

  21. 40

    Hey folks. How is everyone doing? It seems like it’s been pretty quiet here.

    I’m well. Busy, but in a good way. I don’t dare use the word “happy”.

  22. 43

    I’m not bad. Pretty much the same as always. Trying to get back in the habit of writing. It’s hard. I think the election results sapped something from me (as happened with many others).

  23. rq

    I haven’t removed myself to PZ’s social thread, and I don’t plan on it. I hang out at Affinity most of the time, and I check in here, too. It just seems so quiet, I’m a bit scared to break the silence. In a good way!

    As it is, life has also been interfering, but a certain period of high stress is due to come to a close (one way or another) within the next couple of weeks, so we’ll see how things are after that!

    My best to everyone! ♥

  24. 49

    Am alive. Been taking time away from Internet — mental health vacay, you might call it.

    I noticed that I haven’t been able to wake up at 0900 to take meds, and I been having trouble keeping my chill, so I moved my AM dosage to 1100, and my PM one to 2300. Seems to be working so far, I’ve only missed three of the AM doses in the last two weeks.

    Feeling pretty good about that, actually. The more I try to work with my body-clock, rather than forcing an early AM wake-up-and-function like society demands, the better I function.

    Partner was up for 5 days, just left for home today. Love him to death. He’s flawed, but he tries, you know? And I appreciate that he’s putting in the effort to be a better person. Gives me some hope for humanity.

    Gracie has been enjoying the recent sun breaks, and we’re both spending more time outside. I even went out and played catch with my sister, her husband, and our mom. For, like 30 minutes. But it counts.

    My younger brother has moved into town, and now can drop by and be annoying any time he wants to. Really not sure how to feel about that. (Tho he did get me a really cool Doctor Who tee with the doctors as cats, so he does get Brownie Points for that.)

    Dad’s been pretty busy with Tax Season having just passed. He’s a lot more chill after Tax Season ends.

    The Niblets are growing up so fast! Already the older ones are learning to drive…

    All in all, life’s pretty decent right now. I’m relatively healthy and pretty much content.

  25. 51

    Tony: I mean he was up here visiting. Probably should have run that one through the “Would teenage boys laugh at this phrasing” filter before posting.

  26. 60

    Hi All!

    Somewhat busy, a whole lot of tired, and luckily only minor allergies.

    Tomorrow is a day off – scheduled annual physical & dentist appts. And then will have time to see Son’s performance in final presentation of “Noises Off” for high school drama. (Son plays Garry Lejeune.)

  27. 68

    Accidentally discovered that weighted blankets help during panic attacks.

    Also learned (the hard way) that one can, in fact, have a panic attack while sleeping, and wake in the middle of it.

    Obviously not the most pleasant thing in the world, but now I know how to kind of head that off by sleeping with the weighted blanket.

  28. 71

    Just back at work after missing 2 days with a cold, cough & sore throat. Not 100% but at least I can breathe through my nose now. Still feel a bit shitty & tired – this one really kicked my ass. Fortunately work isn’t too busy at the moment, so taking it easy is OK.

    *hugs* and *disinfectant wipes* for all. 🙂

  29. 75

    Can I get a second (third? fourth?) opinion on something?

    One of the infants in the all-ages adaptive swim group I participate in had a huge glob of green snot — like, green, yo — hanging off his face. At the pool. Where any number of other participants, let alone other patrons (particularly infants and young children), will be exposed. And not everybody has, like, a super-robust immune system.

    Am I wrong in thinking that the adult(s) responsible for this child should have kept the kid home that day?

    Or am I overreacting to nothing?

  30. 76


    Children get snotty because they don’t know they should clean their nose. It doesn’t have to mean they are sick or contagious .
    Inhaling pool water could have also contributed to snotting.

  31. 79

    Hi, all!

    I’m sorry barge in and ask about other sites, but the communities have overlapped considerably.

    Has something happened to FTB? I can’t access it from Finland and neither was I able to some 12 hours ago.

  32. 80

    And now I can, and can see Caine grumbling about the issue.

    Anyway, how are you folks here? I’ve been attending a (taxpayer-funded) course that’s supposed to teach me how to find work. It may be useful, we’ll see.

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