The Weird, the wacky, and the bizarre 6.17.15

Stray herd of goats in Savannah caught with Cheetos

When I first read this headline, my gast was flabbered. My mind conjured up images of a group of anthropomorphic goats sitting around a dining room table gloating gleefully at how they’d stolen another batch of Cheetos and gotten away with it. Then a SWAT team busts into their home and captures them red errr orange handed. While loading the goats into the paddy wagon, the law enforcement officials are heard saying ‘Baaaaaaaaad goats’.  Aaaaaaaaaaaanyways, the real story isn’t quite that bizarre, but it’s still amusing:

Five goats found wandering in the Savannah area will soon be on their way to a loving home.

Savannah-Chatham Metro Police say they found the livestock standing in the road of 52nd and Exchange Street on Monday.

With the help of animal control — and some Cheetos — they were able to safely capture the goats.

A patrol officer had found the animals impeding traffic as they wandered along the city’s streets, drawing a crowd of amused bystanders.

One juvenile goat was captured in a fenced-in yard, but the other five proved difficult to corral – at least until a spectator gave his bag of Cheetos to an officer to use as bait.

The snack food Cheetos was used to lure the goats in and grab them, so they could find a new home.

Animal Control supervisor Christina Sutherin says there was no problem finding someone who wants to adopt the goats.

“The community has had a wonderful outpouring of concern for the goats well-being. We do have an approved adopter. They’re all going to go to one individual and location. We have secondary applications just in case that falls through, but there is a happy ending for them.”

Sutherin told WSAV-TV the goats could not be returned to the owner, because the individual already has multiple violations in reference to livestock within city limits.

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The Weird, the wacky, and the bizarre 6.17.15

The weird, wacky, and bizarre (NSFW)

(Please note the use of the Oxford comma in the title of this post. Oxford comma FTW!)

A deer hunter in Wisconsin found out the hard way that deer don’t like being hunted. The 72-year-old man was hunting with family members when he shot and wounded a deer with a crossbow. What happened next was quite…interesting:

According to the Fond du Lac Reporterthe man was out hunting with some family members on a trail near the town of Taycheedah, when he shot and wounded a doe with a crossbow. It seems the deer was still mobile enough to get away after being shot, and the hunter was unable to find her.

Fond du Lac Sheriff’s officer Jeff Bonack says that the hunter went back later to try and track the deer, when he received what was, no doubt, the surprise of his life. Bonack describes what happened.

Apparently the man was going through some thick brush and the deer leaped out and went after him. The doe struck him in the leg with her head.

The man was taken to St. Agnes Hospital in Fond du Lac on Friday evening. There is no word on his condition. Bonack says, “I’m guessing the deer got away.”

Having read many a response by gundamentalists in the wake of various shooting tragedies over the years, I think I know the proper response to this story. The only way to stop a bad guy with a crossbow is to…

Arm all deer!

* * * *

 Mother sees stars

…on the back of a school bus and thinks they are a sign of Satan.

One Mid-South, Memphis, Tennessee mother is all in a tizzy about stars in the taillights of a school bus. She considers them signs of Satan.

As if public schools don’t have enough to worry about, am I right?

Robyn Wilkins was so worked up over the “signs of the devil” that she made sure to take a picture of the bus’ evil taillights when it was stopped in Cordova. She stated:

Anyone who fears a God, if not God and Jesus Christ, should be outraged.

According to Wilkins, any good Christian should be gnashing their teeth with outrage over the stars. After all, how could the school system allow such a thing? Pentagrams on school buses? Forget that they are also harmless five-pointed stars as depicted on the American flag, of all things. No, these stars are EVIL because they’re upside down. Uprights stars are patriotic and should be saluted, pledged to at the beginning of each school day, but flip them upside down and place them on the taillights of a school bus transporting those kids to school and suddenly they are riding in Satan’s sled to fire and brimstone. It’s blasphemy!

The absurdity of it all doesn’t stop there, though – parents are also fighting it out online over social media. Some claim the taillights are hilariously subliminal messages from God’s fallen angel, while others realistically dismiss it as a nothing – a design without intention, malice, or evil symbolic significance.

None of the concerned parents need worry about anything. By the time they are school-aged, most children have already gone through enough religious indoctrination to ward off the demonic power of schoolbus taillights.

* * * *

The moon.

If it was a star, life as we know it wouldn’t exist.

If it was a planet, don’t you think we’d have learned that along with Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto? 9 planets ring a bell?

Not for two QVC hosts:

Recently, if you happened to surf passed the QVC home shopping network, you may have been treated not to discount clothing lines or low, low prices for cookware, but instead two people, both seemingly average, adult humans, yelling at each other about whether the Moon is a “planet” or a “star.”

While showing off a series of floral patterned cardigans, QVC’s Shawn Killinger inexplicably tells her guest, fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi, that one of his products looks like “what the Earth looks like when you’re a bazillion miles away from the planet Moon.”

At first you may charitably assume that Killinger simply misspoke, but rather than correct herself, she digs deeper by asking Mizrahi “Isn’t the moon a star?”

Mizrahi disagrees. “No, the moon is a planet, darling.”

They start to squabble, before Killinger demands to know if the sun is a star. Mizrahi: “I don’t know what the sun is. We don’t know what the sun is.”

We do. The sun is a star.

At this point, with the camera still awkwardly focusing on a blouse that nobody is paying attention to, the set has devolved into Mizrahi, Killinger, and the combined efforts of the QVC staff scrambling to find out what the moon is.

* * * *

Designer Rick Owens’ new collection lets you rock out with your cock out

In what looks like a bid to take street harassment to a whole new level, designer Rick Owens has a new collection out–one that involves drapey cloaks and penii.  See for yourself:

* * * *

Kentucky lawmaker thinks he is above the law, cites archaic 1891 law to justify driving drunk

[Ke]ntucky state Sen. Brandon Smith’s (R) lawyer argued in court on Wednesday that he should not be charged with driving under the influence because of a provision in the state constitution, WKYT-TV reported.

Smith was arrested on Jan. 6, the opening day of the legislature, and charged with speeding and a DUI after allegedly blowing a .088 on a preliminary breath test. He was also reportedly caught driving at 65 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone.

But attorney Bill Johnson filed a motion to drop the charges saying that, according to Section 43 of the state constitution,Smith should not have been arrested in the first place.

“The members of the General Assembly shall, in all cases except treason, felony, breach or surety of the peace, be privileged from arrest during their attendance on the sessions of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any speech or debate in either House they shall not be questioned in any other place,” the section reads.

Johnson told the Associated Press that the provision was added to state law in 1891 to “keep legislators from being bothered by people who would arrest them during sessions.”

As the Frankfort State-Journal reported,authorities said that Smith refused to take an official breath test after being taken to jail.

However, Johnson said that his client was “told that he had ‘refused’” after trying to reach him on the jail’s phone for 15 minutes and failing because the phone did not work.

Under state law, Smith’s driver’s license would be revoked if he refused to take a test. But Johnson requested that Smith keep his license until a decision is reached on his motion to dismiss the charges. The senator’s next court appearance is scheduled for Feb. 12.

Ah, the laws only apply to the plebes.  Gotcha.

The weird, wacky, and bizarre (NSFW)