Really Terrible Bible Stories Now Available!

It’s here, my darlings, it’s finally here! At long last, Really Terrible Bible Stories vol. I: Genesis is now available at Amazon! Worldwide, even! It’s allliiiiivvvveeee!!!

Image is a painting of Abraham, holding a knife to a screaming Isaac's throat, looking incomprehendingly at the cherub that's trying to get his attention. Above is the title Really Terrible Bible Stories. Below is vol. I Genesis, Dana Hunter.

I may be a touch hyper-excited. It’s my first book-baby and all.

Those of you who’ve been regulars at the cantina know what it’s all about, of course. You’ve gotten to read all the excerpts! For those just tuning in, here’s the book description:

Every day, worldwide, people hand a book to children that’s filled with graphic adult content. It features genocide, incest, murder, rape, animal sacrifice, slavery, and more. And that’s just the stuff the heroes get up to in the first few chapters.

How can people get away with foisting this appalling book on young kids? Why do folks believe them when they say it’s the best source for morality known to humankind? Because it’s the Holy Bible.

In Really Terrible Bible Stories vol. I, Dana Hunter takes off the rosy religion-tinted glasses and reads the Book of Genesis in plain light. From childhood favorites to pulpit perennials, she explores awful details of these stories that are normally glossed over. With cutting humor (and plenty of cursing), she lays the sordid details bare.

This book is not safe for work. It’s not suitable for children. It may even get you banned from polite society. But every single really terrible story within comes straight from the Holy Bible.

When I started this project, I was just going for some really terrible Bible verses to put on inspirational photos, sort of like this:

RBI Gen 7-4

But the further I read, the more horrified I became. This stuff is really terrible. And by the time I hit Exodus, I knew I had to go back and start writing up the worst bits. I meant it as a series of blog posts, but before I knew it, I had the first draft of a book manuscript in my hands. When this shit happens, you just go with it.

Reading the Bible in two translations, and getting to know these stories in-depth, has been invaluable. I run across a lot of fundamentalist Christians who like to claim all their nonsense is Biblically based. Seeing the source text for myself allows me to see where they’re ignoring context, or just flat-out denying the words on the page. I’ve had the chance to compare my childhood impressions and lessons to the actual text. That’s been quite eye-opening – we really try to put a sweet spin on some horrific stories for the kiddies, which I find abhorrent. Reading it has been helpful for talking to those people who’ve sucked up all the cultural kool-aid about how beautiful and perfect and good the Bible is. Because seriously, objectively – a huge portion of it is awful. It’s time we stopped denying that, and faced this book for what it is, without trying to pretend it’s something it most certainly is not.

Really Terrible Bible Stories vol. I strips away the cultural camouflage, and lays those Genesis stories bare.

I hope you enjoy this first volume in the Really Terrible Bible Stories series. Check out the following excerpts if you haven’t already, and if you like, by all means – go ahead and buy!

Introduction

“Naw, Man, She’s My Sister! No, Really.”

Burn Your Boy for God

Biblical Family Values Parte the Firste: Sibling Rivalry

The Jacob Family Sexploits

All the thanks to my cantina regulars, without whom this book never would have been possible. You rock my world, my darlings!

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19 thoughts on “Really Terrible Bible Stories Now Available!

  1. 1

    Wow, I have been waiting for a book like this! Just imagine what it is like to drown in the Flood after you witnessed the death of your loved ones… How can anybody who reads the bible, think that God is so great?

  2. 3

    For those who say the Islam is a violent religion apparently choose to ignore just how brutal and graphic the Old Testament is. Either that or most haven’t read the books in the OT.
    Murder: Cain kills his bother Able because God didn’t accept his offering. That was just because he was a farmer and didn’t slaughter animals as Abel did. Moses kills an Egyptian and hides his body in the sand.
    Incest: Lot’s daughters had sex with their father to continue the family linage.
    Rape and massacre: The book of Joshua is composed of many examples of slaughter that the Israelites committed to seize control of the “promise land

  3. 4

    YES! Congratulations Dana Hunter. Well done. :-)

    Definitely hoping to get a copy. (Any advice on how Aussies can buy it?)

    @loas1s : You do realise the OT is in all three Abrahamic religions – Judiasm and Isalm as well as Christianity right? All three have added to, modified and interpreted it in many different ways of course.

  4. 7

    I know! People act like the Bible is ever so squeaky clean, but when you actually read it, it’s endless war crimes, murders, rapes, and terrorism – all God-approved. And when you bring up Old Testament atrocities, they’re all, “But the New Testament’s different!” It’ll be a while before we get there, but no, it’s really not that much better…

  5. 9

    That’s one of the main stories that makes me go, “Wait. This dude’s a genocidal psychopath, and you want me to love and worship it? WTF?! NO!”

    You’ll love the illustration I found for it. Captures the absurdity of all those sweet children’s bible pictures of Noah’s Flood perfectly!

  6. 11

    @StevoR: You are correct. All three religions trace their roots back the mythical Abraham, then comes a fork in the road where he goes to the mountain with one of his sons: Judaism and Christianity say it is Isaac and Islam says it is Ishmael.
    I was referring to the common Christian of today who think that Islam a violent religion. I have heard them say that Islam worship a false god, not realizing that Allah, El, Elohim, El Shaddai, Adonai, YHWH (Yahaweh) are just names of the same god.

  7. 12

    I hope you remember me. For various reasons (including ill health) I sort of wandered away but heard of your new book and came back for a look and have downloaded it. I take it that, despite some mentions of the Midianites, you haven’t gotten to Numbers 31 yet. Don’t skip that!

    I’ll start hanging around again, if you don’t mind.

  8. 15

    Good luck with your literary work, Dana. I hope that many readers purchase it and become educated with those terrible stories that’s in the Bible.

  9. 17

    Yes! Please! Pull up a chair and stay – I’ve missed you muchly! I was just thinking of you when I came across your turn at the helm of the HMS Elitist Bastard. :-)

    And I promise I will not skip Numbers 31. Hope you enjoy the book, and thank you!

  10. 18

    That never fails to crack me up. Of course, Christians fight constantly over which precise Jesus everyone should follow, so it doesn’t surprise me. Sigh.

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