“A highly readable, helpful guide”: Review of “Coming Out Atheist” in The Humanist

In Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why Greta Christina provides a highly readable, helpful guide to the issues atheists face on whether and how to come out as an atheist. While seemingly narrow in scope, the book’s audience is actually wider than you might think. As Christina points out, coming out is a process that never ends for atheists, as even those who already consider themselves out are constantly entering new situations where the suggestions and examples in this book can be applied.

Thus begins David Chivers’ review in The Humanist of Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why. Here’s one more quote:

Christina is an excellent writer and journalist. Her style is breezy and easy to read, and she follows up general points with specific, real-life coming out stories and experiences that are illustrative of the larger point. She has a good way of telling stories of people who have come out and how they dealt with specific situations.

Many thanks to David for the thoughtful and flattering review. To read more, read the rest of the review!

Here, by the way, is ordering info for the book in all three formats — print, ebook, and audiobook!

Coming Out Atheist cover 150
Ebook edition:

The Kindle edition is available on Amazon. (That’s the link for Amazon US, btw — it’s available in other regions as well.)

The Nook edition is available at Barnes & Noble.

The Smashwords edition is available on Smashwords. Right now, it’s only available on Smashwords in epub format: I’m working to make it available in other formats.

All ebook editions and formats cost just $9.99.

Print edition:

The print edition is now available through Powell’s Books.

The print edition is also available at Amazon. However, be advised (if you haven’t been already) that seriously abusive labor practices have been reported at Amazon warehouses. Please bear that in mind when you’re deciding where to buy my book — or indeed, where to buy anything. (For the records: Powell’s employees are unionized.) Again, that’s the link for Amazon US — it’s available in other regions as well.

You can also buy the print edition at your local bookstore. If they don’t currently carry it, you can special order it. (Bookstores can get it from standard wholesalers; wholesale info is below.) Support your local bookstore!

The print edition is $17.95 USD. It is published by Pitchstone Publishing.

Wholesale sales of the print edition:

Bookstores and other retailers can get the book from Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and other standard wholesale distributors. It can also be purchased directly from the publisher, Pitchstone Publishing.

Audiobook edition:

The audiobook version is available on Audible.

The audiobook is also available through Amazon.

The audiobook is also available through iTunes.

And yes, I did the recording for it!

“A highly readable, helpful guide”: Review of “Coming Out Atheist” in The Humanist
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People of Color Beyond Faith – Please Support!

Passing this along…

People of Color Beyond Faith are a new coalition of atheist/humanist of color organizations whose primary focus is social justice. They’re planning several national and local projects which focus on humanist issues that deeply impact communities of color. Some of these efforts will include outreach to homeless youth and veterans, domestic violence victim assistance, HIV/AIDS education and prevention and development of prisoner re-entry resources. Their members include the Black Skeptics of Los Angeles and Chicago, Houston Black Non-Believers, Chocolate City Skeptics of Baltimore and Black Skeptics Milwaukee.

This fall they’re planning their first annual conference entitled “Moving Social Justice,” which will highlight themes and communities that are not often addressed in the mainstream atheist movement. The conference will be held during the weekend of October 11th at CFI Los Angeles. It will feature panels, workshops and presentations on topics such as women of color feminism, LGBTQ and queer youth empowerment, educational equity, culturally relevant humanism, anti-racism and confronting transphobia and homophobia in the Black Church. Confirmed speakers include Anthony Pinn of Rice University, Kimberly Veal and Raina Rhoades of Black Freethinkers, Mercedes Diane Griffin of the Mercedes Parra Foundation and Donald Wright of the Houston Black Non-Believers.

If you’re interested in supporting these initiatives please make a tax-deductible donation. You can also contribute directly to their PayPal account: [email protected]. Alternatively, if you or your organization would like to lend in-kind support with school supplies, water, canned & dry goods for distribution, clothing, professional services or volunteer hours in one of our member cities, please don’t hesitate to contact them directly via email or phone.

People of Color Beyond Faith

8703 La Tijera Blvd. #2,

Los Angeles, CA 90045

[email protected]

323-751-8869

People of Color Beyond Faith – Please Support!

Can We Rationally Accept Our Irrationality?

This piece was originally published in Free Inquiry magazine.

Here’s the conundrum. On the one hand: As rationalists, we’re striving to be rational, to the best of our ability.

On the other hand: As rationalists, we’re striving to accept reality, to the best of our ability. And the reality is that our brains are not rational. Our brains are a hot mess. Our brains are loaded with quirks and kluges and eighty kajillion cognitive biases, which are there for good evolutionary reasons but which can make for some seriously crummy thinking. And they always will be. I suppose it’s possible that humanity will eventually evolve to a state in which all our cognitive biases have vanished and we’ve become perfectly calibrated thinking machines — but I doubt it. And if that does happen, it won’t be while any of us are alive.

So how do we deal with this? As rationalists, the most obvious way to deal with our cognitive biases is to learn about them, understand them, learn to recognize them, and do our best to counterbalance them or set them aside. That’s usually what we advocate, and what we strive for. Including me. But can it ever be more rational to just accept our irrationality, and work around it or with it, and even use it to our advantage?

dumb-bell
Let me give a couple of examples. When it comes to exercise, the rational thing for me would be to exercise at home. My gym membership costs money, and it takes time to get to the gym and back — time and money that I’d love to spend elsewhere. I have exercise equipment at home: it’s not quite as good as what I get at the gym, but it’s fine, I can get a perfectly good workout with it. But I don’t. I almost never work out at home. And when I do, I don’t keep it up for very long. When I’m at home, it’s too easy to be distracted and enticed by a dozen other things — including the sofa. When I go to the gym, on the other hand, I do actually work out. The only real willpower involved is getting myself there in the first place. Once I’m there… what else am I going to do? After all, I’ve already spent the time getting myself to the gym, I’m not about to turn around and go home again. It’s the “sunk cost fallacy” in action. And once I start working out at the gym, it’s easier to stay in a groove and just keep working out until I’m done. It’s not like there’s anything else to do at the gym: there’s no kittens, no snacks, no Internet, not even any TV except the TVs that you can only watch when you’re on the exercise equipment. A typical home workout for me lasts fifteen minutes at best: at the gym, I typically spend at least an hour.

This is entirely irrational.

So the question is: Do I say to myself, “My gym membership is irrational, so I’m going to cancel it and just make myself work out at home somehow”? Or do I accept the reality that, as irrational as it is, as costly of time and money as it is, my gym membership keeps me exercising? Do I accept the fact that my brain is easily distracted, and choose to exercise in a place that keeps me focused? Do I not only accept the fact that my brain is wired with the sunk cost fallacy, but actually use this fallacy to my advantage?

Which is the rational choice?

Another example. There’s a computer app that lets you voluntarily block your own access to the Internet. At the cost of $10, this app will let you pre-set a stretch of time during which you won’t be able to get on the Internet — so you won’t be lured by the essentially infinite distractions the Internet has to offer, and can get some work done. (In a branding effort so ironic it’s almost Orwellian, the app is named “Freedom.”) And if you’re thinking, “But I need access to the Internet to do my work!” — there’s another app, “Anti-Social,” that only blocks access to social media such as Facebook and Twitter, in case you need the Internet for research and just want to cut off the more temptingly distracting regions of it.

And if Freedom’s creators are to be believed, it has over 400,000 users.

ten_dollar_bill
Totally irrational. Why pay a company ten bucks for the privilege of not going on the Internet? Why not just, you know, not go on the Internet? But I’m buying the apps right now, even as I write this. Both of them. Because I know myself. I know that I am easily distracted. I know that I can easily spend hours on Facebook and Twitter — and as a writer, I can easily rationalize this time as work. (“I’m not wasting time, I’m doing publicity/ networking/ self-promotion!”) And I know that my willpower is not an infinite resource. I know about decision fatigue. I know that making one decision, once in a day, to not go on the Internet for the next (say) four hours will be a whole lot easier and less fatiguing to my brain than having to make that decision ten times a day, a hundred times a day, every single time I think “Oo, Facebook!” and have to force myself to stay away.

So which is the rational choice? Is it rational to try to make myself be more rational… or is it rational to accept the reality of my irrationality, and work around it and even with it?

I think this is a trickier question than at first it seems. On the one hand… obviously, if some mental workaround gets me exercising or working more efficiently, what’s the harm? But I don’t think this way about any and all consciously chosen irrationalities. I didn’t (for instance) keep taking glucosamine for my bad knee once I found out that it definitely didn’t work. A part of me wanted to, even tried to rationalize doing so, on the grounds that it probably didn’t do any harm and pretending I was doing something to heal my knee made me feel all empowered and stuff. But I couldn’t do it and live with myself as a skeptic. And when people say things like, “I know that my belief in God isn’t rational, but it makes me happy, so what’s the harm?”, it drives me up a tree. I do think we have a moral obligation to be rational. When we’re not rational, when we let ourselves think wrong things just because we want to, we can do harm to ourselves and others — because we have a faulty understanding of how cause and effect actually works in the world. (Look at parents who let their sick children suffer or die, because they believe that medical treatment will anger their god.) And I think rationality is a discipline, one which requires a certain amount of practice. I don’t think it’s so easy to be rational in some areas of our lives, while consciously letting ourselves be irrational in others. I think if we do that, we’re likely to engage in self-delusion at the very times when we most need to be on our toes.

So how do we parse that difference? How do we decide when the rational choice is to practice that discipline and make ourselves not act irrationally — and when the rational choice is to acknowledge the reality of our own irrationality, and accept it, and work with it? What standards might we apply to answering that question?

I’m kind of thinking out loud here, and I don’t really have an answer. (If others have ideas about this, I’d love to hear them!) But I can tell you one of the ideas I’m leaning toward:

There’s a difference between irrationality that denies reality, and irrationality that doesn’t.

“I won’t work out at home no matter how good my intentions are,” “I am easily distracted by shiny beads on the Internet” — these are subjective conclusions, conclusions about what is true for me. Ultimately, it boils down to a personal preference: I just like working out at the gym more. This preference may not be rational — okay, it’s definitely not rational — but it’s not a denial of reality. It’s actually a recognition of reality, and an acceptance of it.

God from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
On the other hand, “Glucosamine works” or “Glucosamine doesn’t work,” “God exists” or “God does not exist” — these are not subjective questions. These are assertions about what is and is not true in the non-subjective world, the world that doesn’t disappear when we’re not here to perceive it. To hold on to the idea that glucosamine works or that God exists, simply because you find the idea comforting and would like for it to be true… that is a denial of reality.

And I care about reality. I think we have a moral obligation to care about reality, and to understand it as best we can, and to prioritize it over wishful thinking.

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with being irrational in our personal, subjective choices: where we want to live, what work we want to do, what kind of art captivates us, who (if anyone) we want to marry. These choices might be wrong — if we abandon our partner and our family and run off to become the world’s greatest macaroni artist, that hurts people other than ourselves — but it’s the “hurting other people” part that makes those choices wrong, not the irrationality part. Silly, frivolous, irrational passions can be among the greatest joys in our lives.

But when it comes to questions of external, objective reality, I think we have an obligation to act rationally. I think we can accept our irrationality, use it to our advantage, even embrace it and love it. But I think this acceptance, this embrace, has to be part of our acceptance of reality — not a denial of it.

Can We Rationally Accept Our Irrationality?

Humanist Performance Anxiety

This piece was originally published in The Humanist magazine.

Does anyone else do this?

jump for joy
I have this set of humanist values, among which is the notion that since I only have one life, I want to live it to its fullest. Back when I had religious beliefs (mine were of the New Age variety, including reincarnation), I was often lazy about taking advantage of life’s opportunities, since I thought I could always pick them up on the next go-around. Now that I know that I only have one life, I feel intensely motivated to make that life matter: to create meaning and purpose, to make things better for myself and others, to be fully present in moments both large and small. Humanism 101. You know the drill.

But lately I’ve been noticing that, in moments when I’m not richly experiencing my life or taking full advantage of its opportunities, I feel this sense of guilt, and even panic. I’ve taken to calling this feeling “humanist performance anxiety.” And ironically (although pretty predictably), this performance anxiety actually interferes with my ability to enjoy my life and imbue it with meaning.

Here’s an example. Throughout my life, and more so in recent months, I’ve been working on being more present in my life: fully experiencing my life, and being conscious of it, and letting it sink in. But in stretches of my life when I’m not being fully present — when I’m just spacing out, watching bad TV or messing around on Facebook or simply staring out the window having little self-aggrandizing fantasies and letting my mind wander — I sometimes snap back into consciousness, almost in a panic. ACK! I’m not being present and mindful! I’m not living up to my humanist ideals! What am I doing? My very existence is a precious, fragile, wildly improbable flickering of a unique consciousness in the vastness of time and space! Why am I spending it watching “Top Chef”?

It’s not that I think every moment of my life has to be spent battling theocracy and helping the poor. But even in my small moments of pleasure and frivolity, shouldn’t I be fully present? If I’m going to spend an hour messing around on Facebook, shouldn’t I be richly conscious of that hour: savoring my deep sense of connection with friends and family and community, and marveling at the wondrous sprawling web that binds us with all of humanity?

I know that’s ridiculous. I know that my brain needs down time. I recently did a day-long secular meditation retreat, during which I worked to be as present and mindful as I could for as long as I could… and at the end of the day, I was exhausted. It was an extraordinary experience, but once it was over, my brain needed a break. I strongly suspect — although I’d have to ask the neuropsychologists about this — that semi-conscious spacing-out is essential for our brains to function, in much the way that sleep and dreaming are essential. It’s pretty clear to me that some sort of back-burner processing is going on during that down time.

And it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that even the hamster-wheel in my head — the near-constant nattering of distracting worries and regrets, harsh self-judgment and harsher judgment of others, endless rounds of “if A then B, if C then D” strategizing for how to live the minutest details of my life, rehearsed conversations and imagined triumphs and worst-case scenarios, all the things that pull me away from experiencing the present moment — is also psychologically necessary. After all, if I lived with no worries or regrets, no plans for the future or lessons from the past, my life would be a hot mess. And if nothing else, I come up with some of my best writing ideas when the hamster wheel is spinning and trying to figure out the world.

But I still have performance anxiety about it. I get anxious that if I’m spending even a minute of my short, precious, fragile life on fretting or spacing out, I’m not being a good humanist.

gravestones
Here’s another example, a somewhat more serious one. In my humanist philosophy, mortality is something I accept. Of course I grieve when my loved ones die — I wouldn’t want not to, I can’t imagine what it would even mean to care deeply for someone and yet not be pained by their death — but I accept the reality and inevitability of death. I have a whole assortment of humanist philosophies that console me in the face of death and mortality, and that let me accept it with some degree of peace. I’m actually convinced that humanism is a better way of coping with death than religion — if for no other reason, it doesn’t demand cognitive dissonance and the denial of reality.

But lately, I’ve been noticing myself experiencing something that can best be described as “proto-grief.” When I look at someone I love or care about, I sometimes get gripped with a horrible sense of how I’m going to feel when they die. When I look at my wife, my friends, my family, even my cats, and I think about how intensely I love them, my mind sometimes gets sucked into imagining the moment of their death, thinking about saying goodbye to them, picturing my life without them… and I get overwhelmed with a despair that, in the moment that I’m feeling it, feels inconsolable.

Again… totally understandable. I went through something of a personal Armageddon a little over a year ago — my father died, and less than two weeks later I was diagnosed with uterine cancer (fully treated and recovered now, by the way) — and it’s not surprising that mortality and death would be in my face for a while. It’s not surprising that death, and fear of death, would be both more painful than usual, and harder to set aside.

But I still get mad at myself about it. I still scold myself: “Are you going to despair over life just because it’s temporary? Are you going to let these rare, delightful moments be destroyed because you can’t deal with the fact that they’re going to pass? Shame on you! Bad humanist! Bad!”

And you want to know the truly ironic thing about this humanist performance anxiety? It actually interferes with my ability to live up to my humanist ideals. Getting sucked into perfectionist self-criticism is not exactly the way to deeply experience my life and instill it with meaning and value. When I can let myself just feel my proto-grief, instead of judging myself for it — when I let myself accept the horrible suckage of death as much as I accept the reality of it — the suckage passes more readily. When I can accept my need for back-burner processing and down time, I can slip out of it, and slip into focused consciousness and presence, more easily and naturally. My anxiety about not living my life to its fullest is one of the things that distracts me from it. It’s as if, in order to see myself as a good humanist, I can’t let myself be human.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. But I’m betting that I’m not the only one who does this. And recognizing this pattern is part of what’s helping me deal with it, and helping me let it go. So if anyone else is reading this and going, “Holy mackerel, I do that, too!”… maybe that moment of absurdist, “What fools we mortals be” self-recognition will ease the anxiety. After all, being a humanist means accepting reality — and part of reality is the reality of our own imperfection, our weaknesses and quirks and foibles. If we’re going to be humanist, we have to accept that we’re human.

Humanist Performance Anxiety

Ten Not-At-All Easy Steps to a Successful Writing Career

As one of the unbelievably rare and lucky writers who actually gets to write full-time for a living, I sometimes get asked how I got here and how I keep it going. I have books that sell pretty well, I have regular paying gigs for magazines, I do paid public speaking, I blog with a blogging network that brings in a little cash and helps me promote my other paying gigs. I quit my last day job in 2012, and I haven’t yet had to take another one. All of which makes me ridiculously lucky, luckier than 99% of people who want to be professional writers. So I thought I’d take a moment to offer a few of my thoughts for others on how to get here, based entirely on my own experience.

1: Have talent. I don’t know how to make this happen. But if you do have even a little talent, I know that one good way to get more is:

computer keyboard with hands
2: Write a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. And then write more. And more. And then write some more.

I’m far from the only writer to say this, but it’s important, so I’ll echo all those other writers: The way to become a good writer is to just freaking write. The way to become a good writer is to let yourself be a bad one, again and again and again, until you get better.

Having a blog changed my writing career in more ways than one. It obviously introduced me to new readers who never would have heard of me otherwise, and it connected me with a network of other writers who support one another. But one of the most important ways that my blog changed my writing career was simply that it got me writing, several times a week. So write a blog. Keep a journal. Join a writers’ group. Find an editor who’s a hardass about deadlines. Put a bunch of money in escrow that will go to the Republican Party if you don’t write 20,000 words in a month. Do whatever you have to do to just make yourself write.

3: Get lucky. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t think anyone knows how to do this. If I did know, I’d sure as hell be doing it more: it is vitally important to a successful writing career. But — well, that’s sort of the definition of luck, right? It’s the stuff you don’t know how to make happen. It’s the stuff that happens regardless of what you do or don’t do.

When it comes to luck, though, here’s what I do know:

4: Take advantage of opportunities. When luck shows up, don’t ignore it. When opportunities arise, do not let them slide. The greatest regrets I have in my writing career — indeed, some of the greatest regrets I have in my life — are the times when I had a once-in-a-lifetime shot at something, and I didn’t go for it.

Often, luck is privilege. Sometimes, luck is just luck. But I think that at least sometimes, lucky people are people who are able to recognize when they have a shot at something — and take it. They don’t make all those shots, they don’t even make most of them — but they make more than the people who don’t take any of their shots, or don’t even recognize when they have them.

Which leads me to:

Greta_Christina_at_The_Reason_Rally
5: Be open to unusual opportunities. When I was starting as a freelance writer, it never occurred to me that public speaking might be a thing. I now do public speaking almost every month, usually more than once a month — and it’s a non-trivial part of both my income and my publicity for my other work.

So be willing to consider work opportunities that aren’t what you originally set out to do. Some gigs, paying and not, that helped get me where I am today, and that I never considered when I first started out as a writer: Reading at the Perverts Put Out! reading series. Writing for the by-lesbians-for-lesbians sex magazine On Our Backs. Writing catalog copy. Blogging. Soliciting donations from blog readers. Self-publishing my first ebook. If I’d kept my focus entirely on my original plan — writing articles for magazines, newspapers, and anthologies, and writing and editing books for conventional publishers — I’d be pretty much nowhere.

6: Cultivate collegial relationships. Cultivate relationships with other writers, with editors, with publishers, with designers, with organization leaders, with other people who can help promote your work and/or make it better. Help them out when you can. Ask for help when it seems reasonable to do so. Make mutually productive connections. Make genuine friendships, not based purely on tit-for-tat mutually productive connections, but on sincere caring and empathy and shared ways of seeing the world. You’ll get more lucky shots at more gigs if other people help you spot them.

Which leads to:

7: Have help. Becoming a full-time writer is bloody well hard enough as it is. Without an assload of help, it will be damn near impossible. (This is the place where I express my deepest gratitude to everyone who has ever helped me with my writing, and everyone who continues to help me.)

8: Do not fear self-promotion. Remember what Hillel said: If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? (Of course, don’t forget the other half of that: If I am only for myself, then who am I?) The shitty reality of the current publishing world is that, unless you’re Stephen King, nobody is going to sink any sort of significant budget into promoting you. You will have to do all the heavy lifting yourself. Which is horribly ironic, since the personality that makes for a good writer is not even remotely the personality that makes for a good publicist. It sucks. It sucks giant donkey dicks. Deal with it. Learn to self-promote.

Publishers Weekly cover
9: Learn the business. This means a lot of different things: from learning what editors and publishers want, to learning the pros and cons of self-publishing, to learning about marketing and promotion, to learning about cover design and working with designers, to learning how to be persistent, to learning how to do your self-employment taxes, to learning how to deal with rejection. (That could be an item all on its own — Get Used to Rejection, You’re Going To Get A Lot Of It. In fact, pretty much any of these could be an item on their own.) Learn all of it. Learn as much of it as you can.

And finally:

10: Make writing, and your writing career, pretty damn near your number one priority — for years. Being a professional writer is one of the hardest ways to make a living there is. Becoming a professional writer is even harder. It took me a huge amount of time, every day, every week, for years, to get to the place I am now — a place where I make a reasonably decent living as a writer, as long as I keep busting my ass.

There’s a joke I heard once: Being self-employed gives you so much freedom — you can work any hundred hours a week you want. Be prepared for that. Be prepared to give up a whole lot of parties, television, video games, dating, going out for drinks. Be prepared to give up a whole lot of fun things that take time, or money, and especially things that take both. If you have a day job that’s sucking a huge amount of your time and energy, quit it if you possibly can. Find a day job that lets you have a little something left at the end of the day. If you possibly can, get a day job that gives you flexible hours, and that will let you gradually phase out from full-time to part-time. If that job doesn’t pay as well — suck it up. Cut out your luxury spending, cut out your non-essential spending, get a roommate. Do what you have to do. But make this work pretty damn near your number one priority. After your basic survival and your closest relationships, make your writing and your writing career the single most important thing in your life. And be prepared to do it for years.

I love this work. I feel ridiculously lucky that I get to do this work. I want other people who want to do this work to be able to do it. If you follow Greta’s Simple Ten-Step Plan, you might possibly have an outside shot at maybe making it happen. Best of luck!

Ten Not-At-All Easy Steps to a Successful Writing Career

“Engaging, accessible and a treat to read”: Amazon Customer Review of “Coming Out Atheist”

Got a nice customer review on Amazon for Coming Out Atheist: How To Do It, How to Help Each Other Do It, And Why! Five stars out of five. (In fact, the book now has eleven customer reviews — and they’re all five stars out of five!) Here’s what Book Shark had to say:

An Important Reference Guide

“Coming Out Atheist” is a handy reference guide on how to come out that covers a wide spectrum of situations. The book is based on over four hundred “coming out atheist stories”, data gathered from other sources and Christina’s astute observations. Iconic voice of the atheist movement and widely read blogger Greta Christina provides a much-needed coming-out guide for the masses, a great tool for coming out. This 396-page book includes thirty-two chapters and it’s broken out in three parts: 1. Why Come Out As An Atheist?, 2. Coming Out, and 3. Helping Each Other Come Out.

Positives:
1. Christina is a gifted writer. Well-written and well-reasoned book. Engaging, accessible and a treat to read.
2. A great topic; how to come out as an atheist depending on the specific situation and circumstances. True to her title, Christina never loses focus. “The focus of this book is on telling people you’re an atheist, not on becoming one in the first place.”
3. A very reasonable and sound approach. Christina never bites more than she chews.
4. The appetizer is released before the entrée is served. “Coming out atheist can make your life better. Coming out helps other atheists. Coming out cultivates other atheists. And coming out creates a better world.”
5. Compelling reasons to come out. “But ultimately, what changes people’s minds about atheists is simply coming into contact with us: seeing that someone they know, someone they love or respect or just think is a basically decent person, is an atheist.” Bonus, “Religion relies on social consent to perpetuate itself. And coming out atheist denies it that consent.”
6. This book covers a lot of specific situations on coming out as an atheist in: conservative communities, progressive communities, theocracies, U.S. military, the Internet, etc.
7. The reality of coming out. “There isn’t one magical coming out formula that’s right for everyone. So while it’s great to encourage each other to come out, we all need to do it on our own timetable, and in our own way. And we need to support each other in that.”
8. There are many parallels between coming out LGBT and atheist and many of those experiences are shared here.
9. The book is loaded with examples. One or multiple examples are bound to resonate with you. Funs stories too. “’Oklahoma tornado survivor Rebecca Vitsmun became a national atheist hero when CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked if she was thanking the Lord for her family surviving the tornado, and she replied, ‘I’m actually an atheist.’”
10. Coming out to your family provides a number of very interesting situations.
11. The impact of the Internet.
12. Quotes of wisdom, “I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I’m not.”
13. The chapter on U.S. Military presents some eye-opening challenges for our atheist soldiers. “Atheists in the U.S. military have the right to have “Atheist” recorded as their official religious preference, on official records, ID tags, and military headstones. But it’s common for atheists to be pressured to list “No Religious Preference” instead—or even for their preference to be ignored.”
14. Facts. “According to a 2013 Harris poll, 36% of Americans under age 35 don’t believe in God—a number that’s going up rapidly, and a trend that seems to be true around the world.” There is hope after all.
15. Personality comes to play. “Depending on your personality—and on your school culture—a “Why should I care what you think of me?” attitude can be a powerful shield against hostility. Ostracizing atheists is unacceptable and messed-up—but it has less power if you make it clear that you don’t want their society in the first place.”
16. An outstanding chapter on “The Already Marginalized: People of Color, Women, LGBT People, And Others”. I always learn something new. “For many women, coming out as atheist doesn’t just mean upsetting people’s view of us as good Christians or Jews or Muslims or whatever. It means upsetting their view of us as women.”
17. Find out Christina’s favorite story.
18. The importance of social justice. “And it’s especially important for men to talk about gender, and for white people to talk about race. I know that’s hard. Believe me, I know. It can feel like you’re walking in a minefield; it can feel like you’re going to put your foot in your mouth every ten seconds. It’s uncomfortable for me, too. We have to do it anyway.” Thank you.
19. The snowball effect. “I would argue that the snowball effect is even more powerful for atheists than it is for LGBT people. After all, coming out gay isn’t going to turn anyone else gay. It’s just going to make people who are already gay feel more comfortable saying so. But coming out atheist does make other people atheist.”
20. The Resource Guide provided is worth the price of the book alone!

Negatives:
1. Not necessarily a negative but a matter of preference. This is a more professorial Christina not the fiery, out-spoken Christina from her first digital book, “Why Are You Atheists So Angry.” I just so happen to prefer the fiery version, which resonates with my Puerto Rican roots.
2. Repetitive. Though to be fair, this book appears to be constructed to allow readers to jump into their favorite topic. Those of us who read books from cover to cover will find the repetition in say how JWs treat apostates.
3. Christina does share her personal story but I wanted to know more about what atheist arguments resonate most with her versus her disdain for the childish Pascal’s Wager.
4. I would have added a chapter on people with high-visibility/celebrities who came out while in the public eye. Atheist comedians…something to that effect.

In summary, a very solid reference guide on how to come out atheist. Christina does a wonderful job of covering a number of situations and provides guidance on how best to come out. Her advice is sound and optimistic. The reference material alone is worth the price of the book. If you are looking to help somebody come out atheist including yourself this is the book to get. I had more fun with Christina’s first book because it was an emotional experience but this one may in fact be a more important one to a movement that is dear and near my heart. I highly recommend it!

Further suggestions: “Why Are You Atheists So Angry?: 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless” by Greta Christina, “A Manual for Creating Atheists” by Peter Boghosian, “The Friendly Atheist” by Hemant Mehta, “God Is Not Great” by Christopher Hitchens, “The God Virus” by Darrel Ray, “Godless Americana” and “Moral Combat” by Sikivu Hutchinson, “Infidel” by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, “Why Evolution Is True” by Jerry A. Coyne, “Atheism for Dummies” by Dale McGowan, “Nonbeliever Nation” by David Niose, “Good Without God” by Greg Epstein, “Freethinkers” by Susan Jacoby, “Nailed” by David Fitzgerald, and “Think” by Guy P. Harrison.

Thanks, Book Shark! And if any of you have read Coming Out Atheist, it’d be awesome if you’d post a review.

***

Here, by the way, is ordering info for the book in all three formats — print, ebook, and audiobook!

Coming Out Atheist cover 150
Ebook edition:

The Kindle edition is available on Amazon. (That’s the link for Amazon US, btw — it’s available in other regions as well.)

The Nook edition is available at Barnes & Noble.

The Smashwords edition is available on Smashwords. Right now, it’s only available on Smashwords in epub format: I’m working to make it available in other formats.

All ebook editions and formats cost just $9.99.

Print edition:

The print edition is now available through Powell’s Books.

The print edition is also available at Amazon. However, be advised (if you haven’t been already) that seriously abusive labor practices have been reported at Amazon warehouses. Please bear that in mind when you’re deciding where to buy my book — or indeed, where to buy anything. (For the records: Powell’s employees are unionized.) Again, that’s the link for Amazon US — it’s available in other regions as well.

You can also buy the print edition at your local bookstore. If they don’t currently carry it, you can special order it. (Bookstores can get it from standard wholesalers; wholesale info is below.) Support your local bookstore!

The print edition is $17.95 USD. It is published by Pitchstone Publishing.

Wholesale sales of the print edition:

Bookstores and other retailers can get the book from Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and other standard wholesale distributors. It can also be purchased directly from the publisher, Pitchstone Publishing.

Audiobook edition:

The audiobook version is available on Audible.

The audiobook is also available through Amazon.

The audiobook is also available through iTunes.

And yes, I did the recording for it!

“Engaging, accessible and a treat to read”: Amazon Customer Review of “Coming Out Atheist”

Greta Interviewed on “Cognitive Dissonance” Podcast!

Cognitive Dissonance Logo
I’ve done an interview with the “Cognitive Dissonance” podcast — mostly about my new book Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why — and the show is now up! We talk about how coming out as an atheist brings other atheists in our lives out of the woodwork; the phenomenon of “soft atheists” and people who don’t believe in religion but don’t feel comfortable using the language; why it’s important to use clear language when we discuss our non-belief; how coming out atheist makes atheism seem more ordinary; what the experience of collecting “coming out atheist” stories was like and what surprised me about them; the incredible diversity of coming out experiences and how that affected putting together the book; book cover art and graphic design; and more.

The show hosts, Cecil and Tom, also talk about an ex-Navy chaplain who thinks un-biblical gun laws make California “vulnerable” to invasion by Japan, and what (some) Christians are saying about openly gay NFL player Michael Sam. Cecil and Tom are fun to talk with, chatty and casual while also getting into tricky and complicated ideas. Enjoy!

***

Coming Out Atheist cover 150
Here, by the way, is ordering info for the book in all three formats — print, ebook, and audiobook!

Ebook edition:

The Kindle edition is available on Amazon. (That’s the link for Amazon US, btw — it’s available in other regions as well.)

The Nook edition is available at Barnes & Noble.

The Smashwords edition is available on Smashwords. Right now, it’s only available on Smashwords in epub format: I’m working to make it available in other formats.

All ebook editions and formats cost just $9.99.

Print edition:

The print edition is now available through Powell’s Books.

The print edition is also available at Amazon. However, be advised (if you haven’t been already) that seriously abusive labor practices have been reported at Amazon warehouses. Please bear that in mind when you’re deciding where to buy my book — or indeed, where to buy anything. (For the records: Powell’s employees are unionized.) Again, that’s the link for Amazon US — it’s available in other regions as well.

You can also buy the print edition at your local bookstore. If they don’t currently carry it, you can special order it. (Bookstores can get it from standard wholesalers; wholesale info is below.) Support your local bookstore!

The print edition is $17.95 USD. It is published by Pitchstone Publishing.

Wholesale sales of the print edition:

Bookstores and other retailers can get the book from Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and other standard wholesale distributors. It can also be purchased directly from the publisher, Pitchstone Publishing.

Audiobook edition:

The audiobook version is available on Audible.

The audiobook is also available through Amazon.

The audiobook is also available through iTunes.

And yes, I did the recording for it!

Greta Interviewed on “Cognitive Dissonance” Podcast!

Godless Perverts Story Hour June 14 — and Social Club Now Twice a Month!

Godless Perverts Banner

Two great pieces of Godless Perverts news! We’re having one of our infamous performance events, the Godless Perverts Story Hour, on Saturday June 14. And starting in June, the Godless Perverts Social Club, the social/ community arm of the Godless Perverts empire, will be meeting twice a month!

Saturday June 14: We’re having a Godless Perverts Story Hour on Saturday June 14! The Godless Perverts Story Hour is the performance/ entertainment branch of the Godless Perverts empire. It’s an evening about how to have good sex without having any gods, goddesses, spirits, or their earthly representatives hanging over your shoulder and telling you that you’re doing it wrong. We’ll be bringing you depictions, explorations, and celebrations of godless sexualities, as well as critical, mocking, and blasphemous views of sex and religion. The evening’s entertainment will have a range of voices — sexy and serious, passionate and funny, and all of the above — talking about how our sexualities can not only exist, but even thrive, without the supernatural.

Heina
annalee-newitz
jon ginoli
Juba Kalamka

SImon Sheppard
Chris Hall
Greta Christina

Our June 14 event is part of LGBT Pride Month, and for the occasion, we’ll be emphasizing queer readers and sexualities. Our readers and performers include: renowned Skepchick contributor Heina; Jon Ginoli, co-founder of queercore band Pansy Division; local tech geek and editor-in-chief of io9, Annalee Newitz; poet and co-founder of homohop group Deep Dickollective, Juba Kalamka; and erotica writer and activist Simon Sheppard. Not to mention co-hosts and co-organizers Chris Hall and me me me! We’re hoping to add more names to that list — further bulletins as events warrant. Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission St. in San Francisco (near Civic Center BART). Festivities start at 7:00 pm. $10-20 sliding scale donation; no-one turned away for lack of funds; benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture. Hope to see you there!

Tuesday June 3 AND Thursday June 19: Starting in June, the Godless Perverts Social Club will now be meeting twice a month — first Tuesday, and third Thursday! This is the socializing/ hanging out branch of Godless Perverts. Community is one of the reasons we started Godless Perverts. There are few enough places to land when you decide that you’re an atheist; far fewer if you’re also LGBT, queer, kinky, poly, trans, or are just interested in sexuality. And the sex-positive/ alt-sex/ whatever- you- want- to- call- it community isn’t always the most welcoming place for non-believers. So please join us — on Tuesday June 3, AND on Thursday June 19!

We’re going to do slightly different formats for the two clubs. The first Tuesday Social Clubs have been loosely-structured casual affairs: we typically start with a check-in question and do a little moderating to make sure everyone gets to talk who wants to, but mostly we just nosh and sit around schmoozing about whatever topics happen to come up. On First Tuesdays, we’ll keep doing that. In June, that’ll be Tuesday June 3.

Our Third Thursday Social Clubs will be a little more structured — we’ll pick a topic, let people know what it is ahead of time, have a moderator/ host who leads the discussion, maybe even get in special guests to guide discussions on particular topics. In June, that’ll be Thursday June 19. (We haven’t yet picked a topic — we’ll announce when we do.)

All Social Clubs are at Wicked Grounds, San Francisco’s renowned BDSM-themed coffee house — 289 8th St in San Francisco, near Civic Center BART — for an evening of conversation and socializing. All orientations, genders, and kinks (or lack thereof) welcome. 7:00 – 9:00 pm. There’s no admission, but we ask that you buy food and drink at the counter, and/or make a donation to the venue. (Their food is quite yummy, with both full dinners and lighter snacks/ beverages, and they have the best milkshakes in town.)

If you want to be notified about all our Godless Perverts events, sign up for our email mailing list, or follow us on Twitter at @GodlessPerverts. You can also sign up for the Bay Area Atheists/ Agnostics/ Humanists/ Freethinkers/ Skeptics Meetup page, and be notified of all sorts of godless Bay Area events — including the Godless Perverts. And of course, you can always visit our Website to find out what we’re up to, godlessperverts.com. Hope to see you soon!

Godless Perverts Story Hour June 14 — and Social Club Now Twice a Month!

“Her narration is excellent, and it feels like she’s talking with you the entire time:” Audible Review of “Coming Out Atheist” Audiobook from Zhuge

Got a nice customer review on Audible for the audiobook of Coming Out Atheist: How To Do It, How to Help Each Other Do It, And Why! Five stars out of five. Here’s what Zhuge had to say:

“Addresses Major Issues Head On”

Overall: five stars out of five
Performance: five stars out of five
Story: five stars out of five

If you could sum up Coming Out Atheist in three words, what would they be?

On point.

What other book might you compare Coming Out Atheist to and why?

Greta’s book “Why are You Atheists So Angry” is definitely the right companion to this book. This book is more for atheists, though the religious can gain a lot from it too. This other book is the reverse, theists can learn a lot from it, though highly recommended for atheists too. Greta is unwilling to let any tough issue go, be it sexism in atheism or the harm done even by the most benign liberal religions.

Which character – as performed by Greta Christina – was your favorite?

Greta performed herself admirably, of course! Her narration is excellent, and it feels like she’s talking with you the entire time. She has an excellent voice, and listening to her is very enjoyable.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Many of the stories Greta tells are very powerful, and often very funny. But the discussion of some of the real troubles in the atheist community can be hard.

Any additional comments?

Greta is on point. She addresses atheism not just for white guys like myself, but for all people, men and women, White, Hispanic, Black, Asian, cis, trans, gay, straight, etc. Highly recommended for all atheists to listen too, and religious people too, to understand the different perspectives we all have on atheism and being atheists.

Thanks, Zhuge! And if any of you have read Coming Out Atheist, it’d be awesome if you’d post a review.

***

Coming Out Atheist cover 150
Here, by the way, is ordering info for the book in all three formats — print, ebook, and audiobook!

Ebook edition:

The Kindle edition is available on Amazon. (That’s the link for Amazon US, btw — it’s available in other regions as well.)

The Nook edition is available at Barnes & Noble.

The Smashwords edition is available on Smashwords. Right now, it’s only available on Smashwords in epub format: I’m working to make it available in other formats.

All ebook editions and formats cost just $9.99.

Print edition:

The print edition is now available through Powell’s Books.

The print edition is also available at Amazon. However, be advised (if you haven’t been already) that seriously abusive labor practices have been reported at Amazon warehouses. Please bear that in mind when you’re deciding where to buy my book — or indeed, where to buy anything. (For the records: Powell’s employees are unionized.) Again, that’s the link for Amazon US — it’s available in other regions as well.

You can also buy the print edition at your local bookstore. If they don’t currently carry it, you can special order it. (Bookstores can get it from standard wholesalers; wholesale info is below.) Support your local bookstore!

The print edition is $17.95 USD. It is published by Pitchstone Publishing.

Wholesale sales of the print edition:

Bookstores and other retailers can get the book from Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and other standard wholesale distributors. It can also be purchased directly from the publisher, Pitchstone Publishing.

Audiobook edition:

The audiobook version is available on Audible.

The audiobook is also available through Amazon.

The audiobook is also available through iTunes.

And yes, I did the recording for it!

“Her narration is excellent, and it feels like she’s talking with you the entire time:” Audible Review of “Coming Out Atheist” Audiobook from Zhuge

Secular Meditation: The Paradox of Focus, and Hey, What’s That Shiny Bead Over There?

camera lens
So if part of the point of secular meditation is to learn how to focus your awareness and not be distracted by a hundred things… how do you focus long enough to meditate in the first place?

I recently wrote a piece on doing secular meditation and on how — exactly — it’s helping with my depression. One of the things I talked about was how meditating is, literally, practice in shifting my focus — and how useful this is for managing depression in my everyday life. Quote:

So in my everyday life, if my awareness has drifted into something that tends to drop me into a cycle of depression (pessimistic thoughts, worst-case scenarios, terrible memories, etc.), it’s now easier to shift it into something else.

And a couple of people responded to this, saying that this sounded awesome — but how do you get enough focus in the first place to meditate at all?

My friend Susie Bright and I were talking about this on Facebook, and she said:

I like your emphasis on observing distractions gently and w/o judgement… But what do you suggest for relieving distraction going in, those first few minutes? I am overcome by them before I even get a chance to “judge” them!

And on my blog, mistertwo commented:

I’ve read about (and listened to podcasts about) mindfulness meditation and have tried it some. My depression isn’t bad and I’m not on medication for it, but I have a horrible problem with focus. For instance, I’m reading your blog right now instead of getting work done! If I have small things to do at work, I’m good, but anything that’s going to take time is hard to start, and hard to continue working on.

Unfortunately, what I’ve found is that I had a hard time continuing with the mindfulness practice and didn’t keep it up for long. Did you have a hump to get over when you first started? If you have a routine, how do you (or how did you at first) stick with it?

As far as using it at work, what I think I’m supposed to do is notice the distracting thoughts creeping into my head (hey, I could check my newsfeed right now!) and think to myself “that was a distracting thought, but I’m not going to act on it.” That sort-of worked a couple of times, but getting myself to do that all of the time is the problem. I need to practice so that I can use it, but I need more practice so that I can use it, , but I need more practice so that I can use it…

question-mark-sign
This is a really, really good question. (People who’ve seen me do public speaking know that when I say something is a good question, it means that I don’t have an easy answer.) Yes, this is definitely a paradox/vicious circle/self-fulfilling prophecy. Some of the skills that you acquire from meditating regularly — sitting still for long periods, doing one thing at a time, observing yourself without judgment, focusing your awareness without distraction — are exactly the skills that you need to have to be able to meditate at all.

So I’ll speak for myself here, and talk about how this works for me – how it worked for me when I was first learning meditation about a year ago, and how it works for me now.

The simplest answer is that I did it badly until I got better at it. Except “badly” isn’t the right word: meditation is meditation, and I was taught that if I’m doing it, I’m doing it right. Instead, let’s say “less effectively.” It was harder at first to sit still; I was more judgmental and anxious about doing it right; my awareness drifted from my intended focus much more often and for longer stretches. When I was first learning how to meditate… well, here’s how I described it in an earlier post, Secular Meditation: I Am Who I Am:

“Focus on my right heel. My right heel. Jesus, I can’t believe that idiot commenter on AlterNet. Did I remember to pitch my AlterNet editor with that story idea… hm, I’m noticing that my attention is drifting. I’m gently returning the focus to my right heel. Right heel. Sole of my right foot. Sole of my… I haven’t returned that email from Charlie, I really need to do that. I wonder if Charlie would be interested in a workshop or a discussion group on mindfulness and sexuality? Who else would be interested in that? If I do that, should I do it as an in-person group in San Francisco, or an online group, or… no, this ISN’T what I’m focusing on right now. Crap. Observe that my attention has drifted onto this thought, LET THE THOUGHT GO already, return my focus to the sole of my right foot. Sole of the foot. Ankle. Notice that my ankle is a bit sore and tight… probably from the gym yesterday. Am I going to have time to go to the gym tomorrow? Maybe if I get caught up on my email and the messages in my Facebook inbox. You know, I haven’t done the Atheist Meme of the Day on Facebook in a while, I know people really liked that, but it was such a time-suck… GODDAMN IT, YOU STUPID FUCKING BRAIN, WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME FOCUS ON MY RIGHT ANKLE FOR TEN FUCKING SECONDS?!?!?”

Somehow, I don’t think that’s what my meditation teacher meant by “observe without judgment, and gently return.”

But I’ve been meditating for a little over a year now, and this has changed a fair amount. It’s not that I don’t still do this. I do, and I suspect that I always will. It’s just that I do it less. The balance between “focus” and “distraction” is somewhat more on the side of focus.

But yeah. It’s a paradox. The skills you need to help you get there are the very skills you’re trying to get.

But isn’t that true of a lot of things?

Greta and Ingrid waltzing
Riding a bicycle is the classic example. How the hell do you even start to ride a bicycle when you don’t know how to stay up on a bicycle? And when Ingrid and I were first learning ballroom dancing, we had a lot of this kind of frustration. We were learning the Victorian rotary waltz (yes, we’re nerds), and if you don’t know how to do the rotation part of the rotary waltz, it’s difficult-to-impossible to do any waltzing at all. You can’t even begin to do it if you can’t do the rotation — but how do you learn the rotation if you can’t do even a little bit of it?

But we learned. We did it badly, and stumbled a lot… until we began to get the hang of it, and stumbled slightly less… until we got the hang of it more, and got barely competent…

And then the learning curve started to take off. Because that’s the flip side of this paradox. The better you get at something, the easier it is to practice and learn… and the easier it is to practice and learn, the better you get at it. Sucking at something is a self-perpetuating circle — but so is getting good at something.

And when it comes to meditation, there’s a distinct advantage over other activities — which is that there is no such thing as failing. In the Victorian rotary waltz, there is definitely such a thing as failing. Falling over, stepping on your partner’s feet, crashing into other couples, unexpectedly launching into the polka for no good reason — all of this, and more, constitutes failing. To some extent this isn’t quite true, if you’re having fun then you’re doing it right — but crashing into other couples and stepping on each other’s feet isn’t really that much fun.

But with meditation, “failing” is part of the practice. When I meditate, if I get distracted and have to pull my focus back every three seconds, or if my awareness drifts off into spinning thoughts or spacing out for ten minutes at a time… then that’s what happens. I notice it, I observe it without judgment — and I return my awareness to its intended focus. If I have to do this every three seconds, or if I do it twice in a session and spend the rest of the session spinning my wheels and spacing out, then I do. And the next time, I probably won’t do that as much. I’ll get distracted every five seconds instead of three, or I’ll space out for five minutes instead of ten.

That’s how the learning curve works. I have to let it be hard, until it’s less hard. And in this case, “letting it be hard” is, itself, part of the practice.

(As for the discipline to stick with it over time: That’s a different topic, although it’s related. I’ve written a little bit about it before — Secular Meditation: Flexible Discipline, Or, On Creating a Regular Practice in an Irregular Life — but I’ll get into it more in a future post. And yes, it is a tough nut to crack: in fact, it’s currently my own biggest challenge.)

Secular Meditation: The Paradox of Focus, and Hey, What’s That Shiny Bead Over There?