Guest Posts for Equality: An open letter to Irish voters.

May 19, 2015 Aoife O'RiordanGuest Posts for Equality, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality referendum, yesequalityLeave a comment

In the run-up to Ireland’s Marriage Equality referendum on May 22nd, I’ve invited a series of guest posters– people from Ireland or who live here, of many different backgrounds and orientations- to share their thoughts on the referendum, the campaign, and what it means to them. Contributions to Guest Posts for Equality are welcome- drop me a message.

Paul Anthony Shortt believes in magic and monsters; in ghosts and fairies, the creatures that lurk under the bed and inside the closet. The things that live in the dark, and the heroes who stand against them. Above all, he believes that stories have the power to change the world, and the most important stories are the ones which show that monsters can be beaten.

Paul’s work includes the Memory Wars Trilogy and the Lady Raven Series. His short fiction has appeared in the Amazon #1 bestselling anthology, Sojourn Volume 2.

You can find him on his Twitter, Facebook, or at his own website, where this post was originally published.

On May 22nd, the people of Ireland are being asked to vote on an addition to our constitution:

“Marriage may be contracted in accordance with law by two persons without distinction as to their sex.”

In the interests of openness, let me state, clearly, that I am voting yes to this amendment. I am straight, I am married, and I have three wonderful children. I don’t believe there is any morally-sound reason for saying that a person should have fewer rights in their life choices than me on the grounds that their sexual or romantic preferences differ from mine.

In an ideal world, that is all this referendum would come down to. However humans are flawed things, and susceptible to the effects of fear and uncertainty. We resist change, particularly when it relates to something we consider “other”, or different to us.

And there are always those who will prey on those instincts to fulfill their own ends.

To say I’ve been emotive on this subject would be an understatement. The referendum will not affect me. But it will affect friends of mine, and it may affect my daughters in the future. I want them all to have the same rights I do. However I’m conscious that many people in Ireland are still undecided, or are deciding to vote no, or abstain, for various reasons. I’d like to try and set aside my emotional responses today and address, rationally, why I think voting yes is the right choice, in the hopes that people who do not want to vote yes will reconsider, or at least approach me to discuss their choice. Continue reading “Guest Posts for Equality: An open letter to Irish voters.” →

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Guest Posts for Equality: This will be a costly victory.

May 18, 2015 Aoife O'RiordanGuest Posts for Equality, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality referendum, yesequalityLeave a comment

This one is from Brian. He’s a political theorist working at the University of Limerick. You can find him over on Twitter.

What is there to say that hasn’t already been said? This referendum campaign feels as though it has been going on for decades, and in a way it has. The arguments tend to be similar, if not identical, whether they occur in the context of a referendum in Ireland, a parliamentary debate in the UK, or in front of the US Supreme Court.

Each and every time we hear the same arguments and counter-arguments, we see the same red herrings, dog-whistles and deception.

To borrow a line; all this has happened before, and will happen again.

It is because these debates are so predictable that we know exactly how they will eventually end: we will win.

Yet, somehow, that almost makes it worse.

LGBT people and our allies have suffered and will suffer in this campaign. We will suffer all of the harm that comes with being forced to fight for the legitimacy of our most intimate relationships in the public arena. Of seeing our lives become objects of public debate and deliberation. Of being told that we must be respectful in asking for respect. Of being forced to pretend that there is some reasonable sphere of discourse in which LGBT people’s lives matter less. If this referendum fails, there is every possibility that we will have to suffer it all over again, in five or ten years’ time.

There is something to be said for unpredictable suffering. Suffering is always bad, of course, but the anticipation of suffering can amplify it. When you know what’s coming, you dread it right up until the moment it happens. We have seen how these debates have played out elsewhere, and how this campaign has developed so far. We know exactly the kind of toxic atmosphere it creates for people like us, compounded by those on the other side who insist that we are to blame for it.

We know we will win, sooner or later, but it will be a costly victory, as it always is. This campaign has reminded us that, at best, we are fighting to live in a country where a large minority of people will have tried to deprive us of basic civil rights, and that is to say nothing of those who will be too apathetic to even vote.

If we do win on May 22nd, we must not make the mistake of thinking that we’ve emerged from this process unscathed. There will be a lot of healing to do, regardless of the outcome, and it is vital that we continue to support each other, especially once we learn just how many of our fellow citizens do not.

Guest Posts for Equality: Heteronormativity and the Referendum

May 18, 2015 Aoife O'RiordanGuest Posts for Equality, heteronormativity, ideal family, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, patriarchy, yesequalityLeave a comment

Remember YouTuber, blogger Twitter-ranter (and derby-er) extraordinaire OrlaJo? Here’s one of her vids, on heteronormativity and the referendum. Have I mentioned that she’s pretty great? She’s pretty great:

Guest Posts for Equality: Yes To Love: It’s One Of Those Open Letters

May 17, 2015 Aoife O'RiordanGuest Posts for Equality, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, yesequality1 Comment

This one’s from Emer. I’ll let her introduce herself- but you can read more from her on Twitter and over at her blog, Letters from a Patchwork Wizard.

Dear everyone who finds themselves reading this and is in a position to vote on the marriage equality referendum,

Hi! I’m Emer. I’m in my mid-twenties, I live in Galway (the best place in the world, other than Stratford-upon-Avon), and I’m a PhD student here too. I love my research topic, it’s brilliant, and if you ever meet me, you’re in danger of me talking your ear off about it — that’s how excited I am about it. I’ve got a host of lovely, wonderful friends living here and afar; I’m lucky that I get to go home and see my family (including my adorable pets) regularly as they’re pretty great. I’m passionate about theatre, animals, music (yes I’m the type who reads Drowned in Sound and Pitchfork, don’t judge), colourful clothes, feminism, and having a good time with the people I love and care about.

I also happen to be gay.

My sexual orientation’s taken a bit of a journey over the last few years. It will probably keep travelling as such, but I can’t imagine a life where I’m completely and fully straight. However, lesbian/queer is something that makes sense to me in my life right now, and to be honest, I really love being gay, and I feel that it’s right for me at this present moment in time. I came to this realisation when I was sitting watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World at the end of August, the weekend before I started my PhD, and the sight of Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s Ramona Flowers made me realise that nothing would make me happier (well, in relationship terms of course, we can’t pin all our happiness on those terms) than settling down with a woman for the rest of my life. I remember bounding around my sitting room after all my housemates had gone to sleep, excitedly telling myself, I’m gay. I’m GAY. It all makes sense.

It resulted in me coming out to friends and family for a second time (I had previously identified as bisexual; although please don’t take that as an indicator that all bisexual people have to decide between gay or straight), and I was lucky that they were, and continue to be, supportive, loving, and kind. I dated a woman for the first time very briefly last year, and whereas it didn’t work out, I continue to be grateful to her for the connection we have made which has resulted in a good friendship. Generally, over the last few years, I have been so grateful for my friends in the LGBTQ community who are a constant source of solidarity, solace, kindness, advice, and again, friendship. Continue reading “Guest Posts for Equality: Yes To Love: It’s One Of Those Open Letters” →

Guest Posts for Equality: it’s about recognition.

May 16, 2015 Aoife O'Riordanadoptive parents, Guest Posts for Equality, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality referendum, single parents, yesequalityLeave a comment

Jennifer Harwood-Smith is a sometime science fiction writer and critic living in Dublin but longing for sunnier climes. She is addicted to her keyboard and surfaces occasionally to knit. She blogs at The Shiny Nerd.

So here’s the thing about marriage for me. I’m not really that interested. If I do get married, cool, but for me the important part was always the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m overjoyed for any friends who do get married, and I do enjoy a good wedding, but I don’t feel an overwhelming need to walk up the aisle. I’ve never seen the piece of paper as an absolute necessity, and even if I do get married, I’d be inclined towards a cheap wedding and a really great holiday. But if I was told I couldn’t have it just because of who I loved? Then I’d be angry and upset, because to deny anyone the right to marry the person they love is to deny the validity of that love.

My young man feels much the same about marriage, and Ireland’s lack of proper common law spouse laws is frustrating us. For anything to our benefit, such as income tax breaks, and automatic rights which married couples have to the family home or to be at each other’s side in hospital, we have to sort it out ourselves. However when it comes to getting jobseekers, then we count as a couple and can be denied it if one of us makes too much. The reasoning behind this, apparently, is to make sure no one is penalised for having a family, and that families don’t pay more to the state than single people do. Which I will agree, sort of makes sense. This, as you can imagine, is a nuisance, but one which we have a choice over. The only thing stopping us from marriage (aside from it being impractical at this stage of our careers) is ourselves. No one would say a word against us getting married because we are a heterosexual couple. And while I love my young man with all of my heart (seriously, this is movie love, and before I met him, I had no idea that could actually be real), I don’t see why our love should be deemed more right than that of a same sex couple. Continue reading “Guest Posts for Equality: it’s about recognition.” →

Earworms for Equality: Everybody’s Votin’ Yes

May 16, 2015 Aoife O'Riordanmarref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, the rolling tav revue, yesequalityLeave a comment

Congratulations! It’s time for your earworm of the day. Just try to not be singing along by thirty seconds in.

My favourite bits (aside from the message, of course): the people walking by, having a good look in the window at what’s going on. And the phrase “rainbow flag from the back of the press”. I love it. Love it, love it, love it.

Oh, and this is a million times more Ireland than any pontificating bigot in a fancy hat.

Guest Posts for Equality: When your family are voting ‘No’.

May 16, 2015 Aoife O'RiordanEvangelicalism, Guest Posts for Equality, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality referendum, yesequalityLeave a comment

This guest poster- for reasons that I’m sure will be obvious when you read the post- prefers to remain anonymous.

One of the most heart-warming things to come out of the marriage referendum in Ireland has been the videos of everyday Irish people talking to their families about why they’re voting yes. Students from Trinity College did one of the first with their “Call Your Granny” video showing them phoning their parents and grandparents to see if they would vote yes, their nerves palpable as they wait to hear the answer and then the wonderful relief, “Of course I’m voting yes!.” Since then there have been so many videos of families sitting around the kitchen table with typical Irish mammies and daddies talking about how their LGBTQ sons and daughters are loved equally and how they want them to be just as happy as their other children. I cry at every video.

I’ve also gone out canvassing with my local Yes Equality group and been quietly tearful while canvassing alongside a father who marches up to every door with a proud smile on his face and asks everyone who he meets to vote for his son.

These testimonies from parents and grandparents are all the more moving to me because I know that I can’t make a video like that with my parents. They are most definitely not voting yes on May the 22nd, in fact they are actively supporting a no vote. When I post anything on Facebook remotely favouring the Yes campaign there is an icy social media silence from them, usually followed by a posting of their own from one of the vicious and nasty No campaign articles in the media. I have tried to #haveonechat with them and then heard exactly what they think of gay people getting married. Those chats are not the cosy stuff of the videos that are going out on social media everyday.

I’ve read many passionate tweets and posts from people with thoughts along the lines of “If you’re voting no, just go ahead and unfriend me now” or “I don’t think I can be friends with anyone who is voting no”. Which I know is born of passion for a Yes vote and frustration at the lies and vitriol from the No side of the fence, but still, how do I reconcile my lovely parents who raised me and gave me the most amazing childhood with this bitterness that comes over them whenever the subject of homosexuality comes up? Continue reading “Guest Posts for Equality: When your family are voting ‘No’.” →

Guest Posts for Equality: The No side’s warped understanding of democracy is a bad joke

May 15, 2015 Aoife O'Riordanfreeze peaches, Guest Posts for Equality, ISPCC, Law Society of Ireland, marref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, surrogacy, yesequality1 Comment

This post comes from Brian O’Flynn, from my own home town of Cork, Ireland.

In the course of this referendum debate there have been many complaints, in particular from the No side, about an undemocratic atmosphere of censorship. When No posters are defaced by unknown persons, they behave as if the Yes campaign had ordered an official strike. When a mural depicting two men embracing was permitted on George Street in Dublin, they behaved as though the government was conspiring against them to give the Yes campaign more publicity.

In short, they are trying to pin the actions of some rogue vandals on the entire Yes campaign, as well as attempting to politicise the everyday culture and celebrations of the LGBT community. We, as gay people, feel that we can no longer hold hands in the street without having someone from the No side present to “give balance” to the situation. In the process of indignantly claiming their democratic rights, they’ve virtually censored our lives and personal histories.

Just watch the very condescending infomercial released by Mothers and Fathers Matter. It claims that one cannot come out against SSM without suffering verbal abuse and accusations of homophobia; a profoundly unfair generalisation. The official No campaign are experts at playing the victim. Their strategy is to assume the role of the underdog, in the hopes that the Yes campaigners will be seen as extreme liberals who believe that free speech and democracy are less important than our feelings.

The end result is that we are supposed to believe that the No side are the defenders of democracy, balance and free speech in Ireland. But let’s examine just how “democratic” the No side are. Continue reading “Guest Posts for Equality: The No side’s warped understanding of democracy is a bad joke” →

Overheard in Dublin: free speech matters. So does challenging it.

May 9, 2015 Aoife O'Riordanmakegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, yesequality1 Comment

Waiting in the queue for the ATM this afternoon, I overheard a couple of people behind me talking about the referendum.

This ATM is located near a bunch of some of the most odious No posters I’ve yet seen. They feature a picture of a man giving a thumbs-up, and a message that you shouldn’t be ashamed to exercise your right to vote No.

I find this particularly abhorrent. It plays into the idea that LGBTQ people and our allies are nothing more than bullies. Equating standing up for ourselves- no matter how politely or mildly- with shouting down the opposition. From a campaign who do not hesitate to threaten legal action whenever anyone expresses disagreement with their views.

Back to the ATM, though, and those people behind me. You see, they have a friend- let’s call him Steve to make things easier to follow here. Steve is voting No in the referendum. He told his friends about his plans. His friends are disagreeing with him. Vocally. They want him to vote Yes, and they’re telling him so. They’re also being clear that his decision impacts how they look at him. What they think of him.

The two people behind me- let’s call them Nuala and Sarah- don’t think this is okay. Not Steve voting No. That’s his choice. They don’t think it’s okay that Steve’s friends are arguing with him. You see, according to the. The important thing is that we’re free to vote however we like, and people need to be able to express their opinions.

My first thought- after calculating to myself that I would definitely miss my bus if I turned around to talk some sense into them- was to wonder if either of them have ever felt scared to express who they are. It either of them spent months feeling constant tension, wondering if their country was going to decide to keep them down. To choose to uphold a system that sees them as fundamentally unequal. As less than.

Maybe if they had more empathy for their LGBTQ friends, they might understand why Steve is getting a hard time. If they had more empathy for their LGBTQ friends, they might find the decency to educate and persuade Steve themselves.

My second thought? Is that I am tired of hearing people uphold the freedom of bigoted expression at the expense of the speech of others. If Steve has the right to say that he is voting no- of course he does!- then his friends have the right to tell him how they feel about that. In a democracy, in fact, I’d argue that they have a responsibility to do so. The vote is an essential tool for change. Speech- persuasion, expression, and communication- is even more powerful in determining the direction of that change. Of course we care about how other people vote. We have to. That’s why we campaign, canvass, and why we bother voting in the first place. Voting is based on the concept- however well or badly realised in practice- that every voice matters. If our voices matter, then so does how we use them. Steve probably cares about the society we live in. So do his friends. They care enough to do what they can to influence someone else’s voice to help others.

I didn’t get to talk to Sarah and Nuala. I had a bus to catch and a ticket to buy with the money from that ATM. But I’m going to bet that they know some LGBTQ people, because most of us do. And I’m going to bet that they see themselves as tolerant people. I don’t think that Sarah and Nuala see themselves as having a homophobic bone in their bodies.

But this kind of wishy-washy ‘tolerance’ that sees no distinction between granting equality and denying rights to others- that lumps it all in under a freedom of speech that always seems to be more free if you’re upholding the status quo- is every bit as dangerous as outright homophobia. However much it pretends to be something else, it’s nothing more than the soil that lets bigotry grow unchallenged. At a time when we literally find ourselves with no choice but to crowd out homophobia with sheer numbers. I can’t accept that.

Even bloggers have to pay the bills! Monthly subscriptions- no matter how small- help give me the security to devote time to this place and keep a roof over my head:

If you can vote and do not, you are not my friend.

May 4, 2015 Aoife O'Riordanfreeze peaches, homophobia, makegrathelaw, marref, marriage equality, marriage equality referendum, yesequality2 Comments

There’s a thing I have to make clear.

If you can vote in this referendum, and you don’t? If something came up and you were just too busy and you didn’t get around to it? You are not my friend. We are not friends. You don’t have any LGBTQ friends. Because our lives, our future, our rights weren’t worth a half hour of your time.

I’d rather an honest homophobe over someone who pretends to care but can’t be bothered, any day.

I’m also very aware that this is the kind of talk that the No side will dismiss as bullying tactics. See, the thing that they like to pretend is that this is a simple matter of disagreement. That we should all be friends and polite and respect differences, and that if we don’t we’re intolerant. But there is no requirement for anyone to be tolerant of discrimination. Of institutional, legally-mandated bullying.

They would like to have us all believe that all opinions are equal, and that respecting someone’s right to have an opinion is the same as respecting that opinion.

All opinions are not equal.

If all opinions were equal, or if holding an opinion was neutral and harmless, there would be no point in having them. Freedom of speech would be meaningless. It wouldn’t matter if you could hold an opinion or not, or if you could express it or not. They would have no effect on the world.

But all opinions are not equal.

Continue reading “If you can vote and do not, you are not my friend.” →