When gay women get boyfriends: more lesbian biphobia from AfterEllen.

I don’t want to comment much on this, since I think it speaks for itself. However, if you’ve ever wondered why some queer women disappear from their LG(bt) communities if they enter into different-sex relationships?

There was an article posted on AfterEllen yesterday: Sheryl Swoopes’ comes out as NSGAA (not so gay after all). It appears that Swoopes is an American basketball player who was in an reasonably high-profile relationship with another woman for several years. The article author just found out that Swoopes is now engaged to a man.

Normally, when I find out that a person is engaged to another person, the first word out of my mouth is “congratulations”.

Here’s what the linster, the author of this post, had to say:

I am not thrilled to learn that Sheryl is with a man. I don’t feel betrayed or anything, just a little sad — not for her, but for myself.

And here are a few tidbits from the comments:

I just wish bisexuals would label themselves accurately or not label themselves at all, calling yourself a lesbian when you’re not only reinforces the myth that lesbians can be “turned”, which is really frustrating to those of us who genuinely are lesbians and have the validity of our sexual orientation constantly questioned… I’m thinking the only reason she dated a woman because she was disillusioned with men

I was thrilled when she came out as a lesbian.  Now I’m sad…  I just want cool, ACTUAL lesbians on Team Lesbo!  It gives us fantastic press (ha!) especially when someone femme comes out, but if she “turns” straight again, it’s game over.  It really reinforces the lesbians just need good d**k

Ultimately when a woman decides to backtrack on her sexual orientation by dating a man and denouncing her lesbianism it doesn’t just affect her, it affects lesbians everywhere, that’s the way it is.

Mislabeling does effect the lesbian community.  The effect is very subtle but it is there and thinly veiled in many conversations I have had with Heterosexuals.  Mainly men.

her identification as a Lesbian and then engagement to a man will reinforce the mistaken idea that lesbians can be turned or “cured”

Isn’t that a bit selfish and disingenous though?  Identifying as “lesbian” when you (general you that is) know your sexuality is not quite…absolute?  Not only it does perpetuate the stereotype that lesbians can be changed with just the right man, but it kind of makes you look well…wishy-washy. It’s one thing to do what you like, and completely another to take an action that hurts others as well.

considering the marginalization of LGBT people and the importance of visibility, I think it’s disingenuous to make a “choice” to be gay (SS’s words, not mine) then “choose” to dip back into hetero life.

I may respect her choice, but I have lost all respect for her as any kind of role model.

You are possibly right – that we labeled her a lesbian, but she did accept a job shilling for Olivia Cruises.  This is from Olivia’s website, “Olivia Travel, the premiere lesbian travel company, provides amazing cruise and resort vacations for lesbians worldwide.”  LESBIANS worldwide…  Olivia doesn’t advertise themselves to be a bisexual, loving-this-woman-here-and-now, etc. type of company.  It is for LESBIANS.

I think I’ll leave it at that.

When gay women get boyfriends: more lesbian biphobia from AfterEllen.
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7 thoughts on “When gay women get boyfriends: more lesbian biphobia from AfterEllen.

  1. 1

    Hmmm, 3-time MVP of the WNBA, 4-time WNBA champion, a collegiate national championship, college player of the year, a boatload of records including breaking Bill Walton’s single-game championship scoring mark, a total phenom on both offense and defense, acclaimed as the Michael Jordan of the women’s game (I would argue that she is more historically significant, as the foundational player – the first draftee – of the WNBA), and this is what people are fixating on: whom Sheryl Swoopes chooses to sleep with. Aargh!

  2. 2

    This article talks about how damaging it is for bi women to come out as lesbian then to date guys, but what about all those lesbians that come out as bi when they really mean undecided or not sure yet. This gives bisexuals a bad reputation as it make them look confused or undecided, and it contributes to biphobia. I agree that people should use the correct label, but it needs to be used on both sides.

  3. 3

    Difficult issue. For Bisexual men the gay male community has been ruthless insisting for years that bisexuals don’t exist. Most bi guys then avoid the gay community – I have only dated gay men in more open circles like the radical fairies. I have switched so often from male to female partners that it was hardly possible to even call myself “gay” even though the gay male community often insist on it. I am now dating two bisexual girls, I was dating a boy and a girl earlier. But earlier when I wanted to date only men, after a break up with a straight girl, it was nearly impossible to get any guy dude to actually date. I ended up doing hookups with the word “cuddler” so I could get guys who did not have intimacy problems. I actually asked one guy out to do more than sex and still no. So back to the girls. – oh and so you know I knew I was bisexual at 14. To many gay guys delude themselves on this one.

  4. 4

    are you saying this is messed up or this is cool? I’m so over this shit in the community. why can’t we love whoever we want? I’m a bio dude and i’ve dated trans women before and people in the community don’t know what to do with me and their reaction has been eww. I’m not exaggerating either. after being so discriminated against by society why would we replicate that on our fellow brothers, sisters, and everything in between. i don’t want to be labeled bisexual either but this week I’ve come to terms with the fact that I like more than just the male gender. and it was hard to accept that because of how the community is but I’m sooooooo over it!!!!

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