CN: talk of suicide, mourning a loved one
A friend of mine died a year ago today. She chose when it was time to go. I woke up at 2am today, crying. I woke mami up because I didn’t want to be alone. I was surprised I cried to be honest. I miss her of course, but I was a still surprised by the tears. I told mami the grief “doesn’t get any easier”.
We talked about why Jenny decided suicide was the best option. I don’t know and I don’t think it is right to speculate. I do wish I had done more. I feel like I failed her. I could have checked up on her more. I could have called rather than put it off and say “I’ll do it later”. I could have taken the selfie we both wanted the last time I saw her but I was sick and thought I looked “gross”. What a ridiculous thing to worry about.
I didn’t want to burden her with my shit. But I realize now that in reaching out we would have shared the burden of our unique struggles. Perhaps it would have made things easier. I don’t know and what’s worse is I’ll never know.
Reach out to friends, tell them you care. Show them you care. It sounds trite but it really isn’t. Life is short and people need to see and know that others care. Show up and be there. Reach out, reach out, reach out.
In Loving Memory of Tynesha Davis, aka Jenny Keys, aka Lovely
November 15, 1987 – July 29th 2017