Being a fat nerd living in poverty means that there is a lot of pop culture fashion that I just cannot afford. You may have heard that Torrid released a Sailor Moon-inspired line on January 9th. Sailor Moon has been one of my favorites for years. I knew I would never be able to afford whatever clothing came out though because Torrid is expensive.

My favorite piece has been the iconery hooded cardigan. But at 64.90, it’s just too much for me. I am multiply disabled and have to take several medications a day. Some of those are over the counter (OTC) and not covered by my insurance. One of them is meclizine, which is for vertigo and that costs about $23. The other, a sleep aid, costs $29.99. I haven’t been able to afford the sleep aid in a few months. Together, that comes out to $52.99.

That leaves me with $11.91 which is not even enough to cover my cat’s seizure medication. I am also a single mom. So where does that leave any room for splurges?
Normally, I would post about it on Facebook, make some jokes about Torrid clearly being run by the Negaverse and move on. But you know, people can never resist giving unsolicited advice especially if they think you’re being “whiny”.

So then Queen Beryl shows up talking about how easy it is to buy clothes from Torrid if you know where and how to look.

“Wait for sales”
Let’s say I am able to hold onto some money until a sale drops. There is no guarantee that the item will be available then. The line became available 5 days ago and the cardigan is no longer listed. The truth of the matter, is that these clothing companies aren’t in it for poor people. For all the talk about fat positivity and self-love, that only seems available to fat people who look a certain way and live in a certain income bracket. I saw so many places praise the fact that all the products were under 100 dollars. That distinction becomes meaningless when with $100 I could buy my medications and not just one article of clothing.

“Use rewards points”
Then I am told I can use reward points. Which takes me back to the problem of not having disposable income. In order to get the rewards benefits, I still have to spend money. I was told some people give away the codes to their reward points. Great, where is this? Because the person who told me this didn’t provide me with information. And who has time for that?

But you know what? I shouldn’t have to jump through all these hoops to save a few dollars. This may come off as ungrateful but this makes shopping such a chore. I already have so much on my plate. Aren’t we told that buying yourself something should be a form a self-care? Do I need the damn sweater? Well, no. It would be nice though. But if the whole experience of buying the thing just reminds me of how hostile the clothing industry and society in general are to fat people then why bother? I have limited spoons. I won’t spend them stressing myself out over clothes. I already do that enough as it is.

You’re probably thinking, “that person was just trying to be nice”. Maybe that person should not assume to know people’s circumstances. Maybe that person should not offer unsolicited advice. Maybe I just want to complain about some silly cardigan. Maybe, just maybe, I know my own situation better than anyone else.