New Beginnings

The summer is drawing to a close and the new school year is about to start or has already started. For as long as I can remember, September has always felt more like the “New Year” for me than New Year’s ever did. Every new school year was a chance to reinvent yourself somewhat. It was a new beginning.

It’s fitting then that the public announcements of the big changes that have taken place this summer coincide with this time.

This summer has been overwhelming in many ways.

After a very difficult several months, where Alyssa and I both struggled to find ways to bring in money to supplement the loss of her income as well as the spousal credit, she was finally able to secure a job. It’s not in her field unfortunately, but it has the type of potential for growth that she seems to find intriguing, which is good.

After we submitted out new application for Permanent Residency, and paid all the fees, we received notice that the thing everybody told us would never happen? Happened. They re-opened our original file. I have no idea what it was I said that convinced them but still, it seemed to work.

Instead our file went straight on to the next levels in the process. We received notice that our appointment would be on July 25th, and as it turned out, the appointment wasn’t for an interview to prove our relationship, but instead, just a confirmation that I was still interested in standing as Alyssa’s sponsor for the next three years. I accepted of course. This doesn’t mean particularly much, except that in the case of her needing to go on some form of government assistance, I would be under obligation to reimburse the government for that money. Though apparently this is often waived in the case of ODSP recipients? Once those details were confirmed, Alyssa officially received the paperwork confirming that she is a Permanent Resident of Canada.

Essentially all the rights and privileges of citizenship, just without the voting rights. In 2 or 3 years, something like that, she can look into the process of becoming a citizen.

After some of the larger stressors in our life were at least somewhat reduced, it became a little harder to ignore that something was off between Alyssa and I. We had several talks, mirroring ones that had taken place earlier but in a different framing (possible anxiety induced troll brain as the latter versus pattern recognition concerns and discussion). The result all of which was that in very early August or so, Alyssa ended our relationship.

We are no longer married.

There has been a lot of processing that has taken place in the last while, but the process is still ongoing so I’m not ready to really talk about things, except to say that Alyssa and I are still well intentioned towards one another and intend to remain so.

Like the end of any marriage, there has been a process of dividing up what was once a shared life into two individual ones. The process of building my office has now become building an office and a bedroom in one. It’s made things a bit more complicated since I’m fitting even more into one space. Trying to live in a room while also building it has been an interesting experience, especially since I’m also working on so many OTHER projects that the process has been slower going than I would like.

We’ve decided on custody of the pets. The dogs stay with me, while the cats go with Alyssa. I may see about getting a kitten myself someday. Nanabush and A’tuint the turtle would come with me, while Cipacti would go with Alyssa. Unfortunately Nanabush passed away soon after we decided this. He is currently helping feed my tomatoes, while the bugs clean him so I can preserve his shell.

And of course, there is the blog.

We both thought about different options, to make things fair. In the end however, Alyssa decided, with my support, to move her writing over to a blog of her own which can be found here. Congratulations Alyssa on your first solo blog!

Splain you a Thing continues on, but I didn’t feel comfortable “Splaining” all on my own. With that in mind, I approached two good friends and amazing writers about the possibility of joining me here. They are both disabled in various ways, with incredible stories to share.

They are Sunflower Punk and a friend who for now I will introduce as Blue Bud.

Over the next little while we’ll be working on uploading their content as well introducing them. I’m really excited to have them joining me here.

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New Beginnings

2 thoughts on “New Beginnings

  1. 1

    Hey, I’m so sorry to read about your and Alyssa’s marriage ending. I’m recently divorced myself so I know that, even if everyone knows it’s the right decision, it’s still hard and it still hurts. Sending you much love, and offering a compassionate virtual ear/shoulder/hug if you ever want to reach out.

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