…but I’m gonna try to make it through this post without passing out or having too many typos, because I needed something up here that was actually based on a true story and totally wasn’t me not checking my facts before coughing out a rant post.
Nope. Not me.
Anyway, today in “White People”, Maine’s governor is a racist shitbag. He’s the sort of racist shitbag who tries to hide their racism under the blanket of “concern”. As usual, like a puppy or a toddler trying to hide under said blanket, their ass is usually showing.
And they’re not nearly as cute as a toddler or a puppy.
So, this is the money quote:
“The traffickers — these aren’t people who take drugs. These are guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty,” he said. “These type of guys that come from Connecticut and New York. They come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home.”
He continued: “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave. Which is the real sad thing, because then we have another issue that we have to deal with down the road.”
Wow, there’s so much to unpack, but since we all know (hopefully) how shitty this is, and I’ve got a headache, bad sleep, and a load of laundry to fold, let’s just make fun of the fucking thing, kay?
First, there’s this bit:
“The traffickers — these aren’t people who take drugs. These are guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty,”
Whoa there, partner, I’m gonna have to throw a flag on this play. “Foul, white person attempt to pull ‘urban’ terms out of ass”. Penalty, five yards or a free throw or a free kick or something. Look, I don’t do sports, okay?
D-Money. Okay, makes vague sense. Like he might have seen one of those 90s urban gangsta movies…back in the 90s.
“Smoothie”? Say what? Is he mistaking a trafficker for what he had for breakfast?
“Shifty” Oh yeah, you know ol’ Shifty from down the block, right? Everyone gets their stuff from ol’ Shifty.
Now, seriously, dude. This is sounding like YOU took heroin, watched Snow White, and coughed up the worst version you could think of. What is this, D-Money and the Seven Drug Traffickers? You got Smoothie, there’s Shifty, who’s next? Drugee, Layzie, Krayzie, Bizzy, Easy-E, and their homeboy/source, Dopey?
Pro-tip: Just leave the examples to the professionals, okay? You’d sound like ridiculous that way.
“These type of guys that come from Connecticut and New York. They come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home.”
Now I’ll admit I’m talking out of my ass here, because last time I checked, heroin is fucking everywhere. At least he had the brain to mention one state where it could well likely ‘come from’, good ol’ dogwhistle New York. But come on, dude. I’ve been to Maine. Met some lovely people. Ate a bunch of lobster. Rode on a boat. Sure, the only thing darker than me was the beer I was drinking, but lovely people.
And even I know the two things Maine is known for are A) Delicious lobster and B) WEED. If you’re gonna try to sniff out drugs in your state, sir, the bong smoke is coming from inside the house. How about you work on that first, hmm?
But oh and lo! the piece of resistance, or whatever. It’s supposed to be French, and I said I was tired, folks. Chronic nightmares. Chronic. Nightmares. Splitting headache. Feeling like death.
He continued: “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave. Which is the real sad thing, because then we have another issue that we have to deal with down the road.”
Now, if he wasn’t talking about race, as I’m sure someone’s right wing relative or that one ‘friend’ you just can’t let go will insist up to this point, why bother mentioning race here.
Also, seriously? I know I’ve said that already, but damnit, it’s the name of the blog. Not only are these oddly named drug traffickers bring heroin to the fine state of Maine, but they’re leaving behind knocked up young white women! Gasp! Le horror!
So pretty much, it’s Trump’s “Them damn Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists” rant narrowed down and aimed at another minority. Great job, man. Will you be running for president next cycle? Because you’re already leaps and bounds ready for the Republican xenophobia ticket.
Okay, meds and bed and shit. The laundry can wait another hour or two, right?
Have a good weekend. Don’t get sick. Also, lobster. Delicious, delicious lobster.
Y’all, it was fresh off the boat. Like Low Country Boils of my childhood memories, except with lobster.
As I’ve said a lot among friends, if black people were as violent as white people think we were, this entire shit would have been burned to the ground long before I was even born.
But we’re not, no matter how many dogs get sicced on us or hoses are sprayed at us, or tear gas canisters are thrown at us, rubber bullets shot, fully armed to the teeth cops being intimidating, we don’t bite back.
(sure, there have been riots, but never in direct response to being threatened, and aren’t the focus of this post)
We have been insulted to our faces, told our hair isn’t acceptable, our skin too dark. White supremacists burn crosses, ride confederate flag festooned trucks past our children’s birthday parties, walk in our neighborhoods openly carrying their guns, mock our dead, and very rarely do these people get popped in the fucking mouth.
And it’s not just black folks. Due to the recent attacks in Beirut and Paris, people are tripping over themselves to see who can be the biggest Islamaphobic douchenozzle.
Then act surprised when white people start fucking with anyone in a hijab or on a prayer mat. Mosques and Muslim owned businesses have been vandalized and anyone wearing a scarf on their head is a potential target for verbal or physical abuse by complete strangers.
And through it all, there is no retaliation.
I could go on with examples; pro-choicers NOT going after pro-lifers in the wake of violence, queer people NOT going after straights after a bashing, and so on and so forth. You wanna know why?
Think about what that would look like. Especially in the media, who looks for just about any excuse to demonize the opressed. Already keyed up bigots, who who only need little reason, no matter if true or not, wanna act out so badly.
I’m gonna quickly point out here the desperation of white racists to start a Race War by taunting black people in so many ways, waiting for us to respond in kind, so they can go “see, these niggers ARE violent and dangerous”, and justify killing us. It’s quite literally the “I’m not touching you” game that ends up in someone getting hit.
And deep down, we all know that. So we refrain. We act with peace. We may make a fuss, but we don’t go eye for an eye.
We can’t go eye for an eye.
And you need to understand what a further burden that is. To be taunted and abused and knowing damn well you can’t respond in kind. You have to be the bigger person while bigots get to act all kind of ways.
That is some hard shit. We need our allies to know that. So the next time you want to say something like “Well, if that was me, I would…”, stop and think.
(First Disclaimer: Because I know trolls don’t respect boundaries, I’ll just make this clear – try to add trash to my comments section, no one will ever see your shit and you’ll be shown the door.)
(Second Disclaimer: It’s 4AM after my return from con, I’m sore in all of the places – thanks fibro – I’m exhausted -thanks fibro – and my patience for bullshit is damn near zero – thanks anxiety. I am not hosting a debate. That is your only warning)
Skepticon 8 Round Up!
Okay, so I went to Skepticon 8, and boy oh boy did I have a blast! My workshop, Abortion Mythbustin’, was well attended, got some great audience participation and lots of good feedback afterwards. The workshops and talk I managed to attend – again, thanks fibro, anxiety and good ol’ impostor syndrome – were mostly awesome. I want to attend next year sooo freakin’ badly.
I rode down with some great traveling buddies who took care of me when the ride was getting too much, and the accommodations offered at the con were kinda surprising for me. Closed captioning for the talks, a place where those who couldn’t afford to eat could grab actual food, a quiet room, ASL interpretation, gender neutral bathrooms and they really took care of their speakers.
Heh, speakers, I’ll get to that in a minute.
Could they have done better with that? Well yeah. Maybe the dance didn’t needs the flashing lights they warned about, for example. But every convention has their ups and downs. All in all, I’m giving it up to the staff and volunteers. Good job.
Me, A Speaker? Holy Shit!
So yeah, Sunday morning came around and something was wrong. The scheduled speaker, Teka-Lark Fleming, hadn’t even checked into her hotel room (hope she’s alright and they found out what happened to her). They needed someone to fill in the 10 am spot.
“Hey, I have that Clinic Escort talk Brianne and I do on my laptop,” my mouth said before my brain realized what the fuck it just done.
They were delighted and before I knew it, I was on stage, running my mouth without my Partner in Crime.
People liked it. They really did. I got so many questions afterwards and I didn’t throw up. Well, I got shaky as all fuck, which is normal after I do shit after that – thanks anxiety! Big ups to Stephanie Zvan for helping me cope.
The staff were so supportive and nice and grateful and really I should be the grateful one that they gave me this moment…given what had happened the day before.
The Day Before
We had some great talks this weekend. Let me make that clear. We had some GREAT fucking talks. I was excited as all hell to hear from Dr. Sikivu Hutchinson, who minced not one single damn word (ending with a slam against ‘Dawkins dude-bros’ which got hella applause). I bounced in my seat when Fallon Fox got on stage.
…and then it was question time.
Straight up, cis people, y’all gotta learn how to speak to/about trans people and their issues without sounding like a damn fool. So many people, mostly white cis dudes, were just fucking up. “Transgenders”, “When you were a man”, shit that made my eyes roll so far.
There was one very awesome question by a sweet looking older woman who asked what martial art should she try. Fallon suggested Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and was straight up sincere about it. Applause!
Then some asshole, in a Tap Out shirt no less, came up and tried to claim that he had knowledge about genetics and hormones and stuff because he was a former bodybuilder…
…in a room where I could count the biologists I knew…
The question was incoherent, but trying to find out if Fallon’s hormones level were the same as a cis woman’s (my term, not his), and when he got to the phrase “kept your manhood”, Lauren Ann Lane, head of this con and moderator of the talk, shut that shit down and told him to leave.
Which, because cis white dude, he didn’t. He kept arguing. Pro-tip: If con staff tells you to do something, you fucking do it.
He was escorted out to applause, and a few fools – behind me – argued that he was in the right. Ugh.
Fallon actually answered what she thought the question was anyway.
Seriously, cis people, use the Google box. Do the work!
The Mizzou Issue
Oh, this one gets a different section.
After the Fallon Fox interview, it was announced that there would be a surprise Q&A with a Mizzou student and journalist Mark Schierbecker during the lunch break. The understanding of the staff (which I talked to afterwards) was according to the press release:
“It’s important that college campuses are a safe and welcoming environment so students can learn,” Schierbecker clarified. “Racism needs to be the main issue here. Fighting racism versus advocating freedom of the press is a false dichotomy, and some people are hijacking what happened to me and other journalists to talk about freedom of the press instead of racism. I want to answer questions about what happened to me, and about speech codes, to make sure at the end of the day, we are working on addressing racism.”
Sounded okay. I didn’t even read the press release until later, but it was the understanding of those around me that this would be some sort of update or information about Concerned Student 1950 and/or Mizzou.
Boy were we wrong.
It started off okay. Danielle Muscato gave a short timeline of the issue, and they showed an edited video of journalists being ‘assaulted’ by the protesters who were enforcing an “Press-Free Zone”.
The assault? Having a camera blocked and slightly pushed. No really. We saw a 6 minute edit, but apparently the footage was 22 minutes long and had more context.
It became clear that this was more about Mark complaining about his assault and hoping that the professor who touched his camera is fired than any actual concern about race or media. Like “Let’s handle my problem so we can get back to dealing with racism on my campus”.
I walked. I couldn’t deal with any more white cis nonsense. I was fresh out of fucks.
Thankfully, I had friends who stayed and we compared notes over drinks. Angry, emotional drinks. The Q&A was more of a press event with this person trying to get sympathy for his issue. Thankfully, Diane from Kansas City Freethinkers got up at the supposed end and started the questions from the audience. Who then proceeded to put his feet to the fucking fire, explain the issues between white media and black experience, having him talk to black journalists. Dude had interviews from Fox News and Brietbart. The short video he put up has been shown on Stormfront. And it was like he didn’t give a shit.
Then he started getting all mixed up. “Everyone is a little bit racist” but “Fuck racists” and “Racists suck”. When called on it, he proceeded to lose the script. And there had to be a script at the beginning of this ‘dialogue’.
Now, watch the video. No one but his PR person Danielle (who promptly quit after this hot mess) mentioned Mark and ‘racist’.
Mark outright said that until this professor is fired, that was when the focus would return to Concerned Student 1950’s concerns. Holy fucking shit. His concern is more about this professor and his ‘rights’. Period.
Afterwards, shit just blew right up. Mark filmed and put up a video, upset and crying about being cast as a racist, said he was autistic and had social anxiety and Danielle told him to say stuff. He called it Journalists Lives Matter, subtitled “Fuck Skepticon”.
Then Twitter grabbed it and suddenly Skepticon was terrible and made an autistic boy cry and they hated autism and blah, blah, blah.
Let’s Get Some Things Straight
Firstly, this isn’t a boy. This is a grown man. A grown man claiming to be a journalist (though not a journalism student). Last time I checked, autism doesn’t turn someone into a boundary pushing asshole, and it’s shitty to claim otherwise. Mark isn’t a fucking victim. If he cared about racism, why the fuck was he on Fox News? Why was he talking to Breitbart? Didn’t he know how they were going to spin this?
And assault? Please. This guy received an direct apology from the professor who touched his camera, but it wasn’t good enough for him. He wants her fired. Please. There are black protesters who get tear gassed and shot with rubber bullets for expressing their right to be in public spaces. Get out of here with this assault bullshit.
Now, there were new people on the #skepticon hashtag trying to defend the convention and/or teach a thing or two about white media privilege who didn’t realize something very important:
There are some usual suspects who follow certain members of the skeptical movement from convention to convention, hashtag to hashtag, throwing poop and making shitty claims though they themselves aren’t even at the conventions.
Any time PZ Myers, Greta Christina, Stephanie Zvan, pretty much anyone from the Freethought Blogs network attends a convention, time for them to act like jackasses.
“Oh, look at all the empty seats!”
“Oh, something slightly inconvenient happened, it’s the end of this convention!”
“Blah, blah, SJW blah blah”
“Vague gross sexual references!”
And it goes on and on. There’s no point in trying to argue with them, folks. They have nothing new or important to say and should probably just be blocked.
They don’t care about Mark.
They don’t care about autism.
They don’t care about racism or diversity.
They don’t care about anything else than slandering people they don’t like and conventions that give more than lip service to making the skeptical movement more diverse and more interesting.
You want to know about tears? I’ll tell you about tears.
When I walked out of that talk, I fought my own tears. Tears of frustration that this fucker just wasn’t getting it. Tears of anger that this was allowed.
I wanted food and a drink to distract me and ended up at the bar. One frozen grapefruit margarita and a calamari plate later, and I could feel human again and not like I was going to bawl in the middle of the hotel restaurant.
Then I was joined by my friends, Greta, Ingrid, Jason, Stephanie, Benny, Chelsea. And was filled in on the rest of what happened AND the staff reaction.
The staff was horrified. What was sold to them was NOT what was delivered. There was panic. There was concern. Should they let the “Q&A” keep going? Should they stop it?
And then, action. They would release the entire video, audience questions included. And then there was an apology posted (Full disclosure: I was asked to review this apology before it was released). They took responsibly for this shitshow even if they were deceived as to the content.
And that is when I gained respect for this convention, and I didn’t feel like crying anymore.
Good show, Skepticon. I hope to see y’all next year.
I am sitting here, fresh out of a visit to the ER for a bad medicine reaction, and with a headache that makes me super cranky, so Femi isn’t going to mince words here. If you don’t like swearing, leave now.
So the move Dear White People is out, and since move theaters make me twitchy, I’m waiting for it to go to streaming (Netflix, HuluPlus? Make this shit happen). I want to see this movie so bad, because the previews were so on point.
Also, it made racists mad, and I love making the foolish angry with the truth.
Speaking of the foolish, Ashley Miller, awesome blogger and my ukulele hero, went to a viewing and observed some seriously assbackwards reactions by a group of football players from Morehouse (WARNING: Spoilers for the movie ahead):
There are three main plots in “Dear White People,” and one of them focuses on a black gay kid named Lionel, played by “Everybody Hates Chris” star Tyler James Williams, who doesn’t fit in with any group — not with gay kids, not with white kids, and not with black kids, who have historically treated him with homophobia and cruelty. His story is about the toxic effect of homophobia in the black community. In addition to the heterosexual romances involving all the other characters, there is also a budding romance between Lionel and another man. The initial hints at this romance did not win the Morehouse College Football Team’s approval. They started saying homophobic things every time Lionel was onscreen. When Lionel had a same-sex kiss, the team went into a frenzy — everyone turned on their phones and said they weren’t looking, they started yelling, “What kind of movie is this?” Several of them walked out, others started yelling at anyone on their team for looking at the screen when the kiss happened, “Man, you looked at that, I saw you!” “What is this gay shit?” “Some of y’all didn’t turn your heads away!”
It was nauseating. But it got worse.
Lionel has a major heroic moment toward the end of the film in which he breaks up a racist party being held by an entitled white jerk, who is, more or less, the antagonist of the film, and who verbally and sexually harassed Lionel over his sexuality throughout the film. The racist white guy tackles Lionel and pins him down. In retaliation, Lionel kisses him (this freaked out the audience again), but the racist white guy responds by punching Lionel repeatedly in the face.
They cheered. This room full of black men who attend Dr. King’s alma mater. They cheered for the racist white guy because the black man he was being allowed to beat without repercussion was a faggot.
This would make any fair-minded person dedicated to equality upset. Too bad the folks streaming onto her blog seem to lack any sense of fair-mindedness or irony. Because Miller is white, they immediately turn on the fake rivers of tears of oppression while ignoring the very real problem of homophobia in the black community. Which is still a problem, just in case you didn’t get the memo.
Fam, listen. Read those comments. See the same tired ass homophobic BS dragged out. See the excuses of “what do you expect?”. See the deflections. See the motherfuckers trying to make their discomfort everyone else’s problem.
This is our motherfucking dirty laundry these young men exposed in public, and Miller isn’t some click-baiting racist for pointing it out. I’m glad she pointed it out, because if one person was uncomfortable with that display of ignorance, there had to be plenty in that audience who felt the same way.
My field of fucks is empty for anyone trying to justify this. I don’t care if seeing two men kiss makes you all squirmy. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. TURN AWAY. Don’t ruin the fucking experience for the other people who PAID the same fucking money to see this movie without a bunch of grown men acting like children seeing their parents kiss while being presented with a bowl of boiled greens.
What do I expect from a bunch of young men raised in this day and age where queer people exist, some brave enough to exist in public whether a bunch of whiny throwbacks are comfy with it or not?
Better. This is the alma fucking mater of Dr. “Injustice Anywhere is Injustice Everywhere” Martin Luther King, Jr. The man who marched next to a gay black man.
Hell, these young men are failing themselves. I can’t just blame the college, they’re adults who should know better. These particular Morehouse Men showed their asses that night and did not represent their college in a good light. And their defenders want to ignore that. And it’s shameful as hell that these sad fucks can’t get over themselves and realize we Queers of Color aren’t going anywhere and are getting more representation, never mind their precious fee-fees.
These defenders are real fuckbrained pieces of work, spewing tired-ass lines that would make the Westboro Baptist Church say, “That is some basic shit. Get a new script, posers.”
“Gay people are shoving their lifestyle down our throat” (calm down, drama, no one’s shoving anything into you)
“Men in feminine clothing aren’t men” (femme men would disagree with you, and don’t require your say-so to exist)
“The masculine environment of sports has an effect on their homophobia” (So? Do better. Be better. And I’m sure Michael Sam might say different)
” I am in no way condoning homophobia, but [Some fuckshit that actually condones or excuses homophobia]” (“I’m not ‘blah’, but” is tired. Just be a bigot already)
“I agree that gays should have equal rights, but they make me so uncomfortable that I feel the need to say so as if my discomfort matters because I’m a fucking child.” (’nuff said here)
“Is there no way to respectfully disagree with you queers being outwardly queer in my visual range?” (NOPE. There is no respectful way to tell me I shouldn’t exist)
And the irony of this? The character in that movie is there to explore *fanfare* homophobia in the Black community. This movie don’ told on your asses, and the reaction shows just why this is still a problem.
And seriously, find some better shit to worry about. Two dudes or two ladies, or two people whose gender identity you can’t figure out kissing is not the end of the fucking world.
Deal, fam. My rights don’t hinge on YOUR comfort, so quit bringing that basic shit in OUR faces.
And if you can’t deal, at least have the good sense to keep your nasty bigoted nonsense out of the circles of decent people.
(And before some shit gets smeared on my comments, allow me to direct you to my policy, mostly the rule about NOT BORING ME. Homophobic excuses are booooooring! If you’re gonna waste your time commenting, try to at least come up with some new shit, or you will get mocked and blocked)
So, my birthday is October 13th. Occasionally my natal day falls on Columbus Day, and that is the case this year. Thinking about that got me thinking about the trend of Columbusing, the trend of white people discovering something minorities have been doing for ages and treating it as a “new discovery”. Twerking, bindi, etc, etc.
If you haven’t guessed, Columbusing sucks. It’s awful. It’s insensitive. So, when three articles come out in succession about big booties, gelled baby hairs (can we stop using ‘urban’ to mean black, please thank you?), and now cornrows, I have no words left for my reaction.
I posted this on my Facebook page, in light of this shit, and it got a good response, so here I shall share it with everyone:
Okay, since it seems the season is starting early, let’s get this over with.
Tis the season for spooky things and costumes and adults indulging in their inner child or outer adult, depending on the sort of parties you may attend. It is also the season that make some POC very, very nervous.
Let me be very, very clear. As I will probably be posting the various fuckups that are enviable, I will not be hosting the “is this cultural appropriation or appreciation” debate on this Wall, for that is basic shit, and I’ll be in the mood to discuss basic shit for free around Neveraury 32nd. Remember to mark your calendars.
Here’s a few freebies, just because I’m a loving, caring individual (WARNING: One woman’s opinion. I could be wrong): No, dating/marrying/fucking someone of another race is not appropriation No, learning the proper way to wear a kimono/sari/hijab/etc. and then doing so is not appropriation. No, cosplay is not appropriation No, exploring the cuisines of different cultures is not appropriation.
Neither is learning/speaking another language, songs, stories, and so on.
What IS appropriation, and what most folks get our collective shorts in a twist is the “let’s slap on a geisha/PocaHotAss/”terrorist”/”fly girl”/whatever the fuck caricature of a culture for shits, giggles, and funsies. What is appropriation is taking a style or a look, exploiting it, and wearing it like a costume. What is appropriation is black/brown/yellow/redface. THAT IS NEVER OKAY.
Now if there is anything more anyone wants to know, and feels it is necessary that I be the one telling you, I’ll be more than happy to offer Basic Ass Shit 101. Last year I offered this for $100, but times have changed and I could use the money, so I have expanded to several levels and raised the price:
For $200, you get the Basic Ass Shit package, a list of links, books, vids, podcasts, and anything else I can slap together for you in about an hour, put it in an email, and send it to you. You get to ask two questions that I will answer.
For $300, I will do the exact same thing, and I’ll even cut out the condescending attitude.
For $400, I’ll cut out the cursing. And throw in a picture of my cat. And you get one extra question.
Please direct all payments to my PayPal account [Redacted] And I look forward to a peaceful, yet infuriating Halloween season.
Oh, and no refunds.
Everyone’s got that one or more moment in their past they regret. Bad haircuts, bad choice of partners, what the hell where we thinking when we wore that, and awful, awful beliefs about race, gender, politics, you name it.
Julia over at Secular Woman gathered a bunch of stories from members of the problematic beliefs we once held before we gather age and more than a few clues. Here’s mine (typos and all!):
When I was in my late teens to late 20s, I was a triple threat; a Chill Girl, a the Token Non-threatening Black Friend, and a Poor Libertarian.
“Ugh, girls are icky, backstabbing, gossipy little twits who want accept me in their little club anyway. And if they’re feminists? Please, buncha whiny girls who don’t have anything else to complain about. We got the fucking vote, right? You can own land and not have to get married to get laid. If they’d just have sex like guys do, they’d be fine, right? Aren’t we supposed to all sex-positive? That means fucking like the men! Don’t be such a prude! I once read about some big name feminist named Dwakin, Dwo… whatever, who claimed that call heterosex is rape! Can you believe that shit? I’d never be a feminist. I’m one of the boys! Bitch! Cocksucker! Cunt! Hah, hah rape jokes are so funny!”
“Man, black people are lazy whiners, I’d never be one of them! I’m an Oreo, get it? All of my white friends act blacker than me! I don’t “do” black––unless it’s for a joke. If you need someone to turn up the AAVE and act like an Angry Black Girl, I’m your girl! Mm-hmm, sho’nuf. Slavery was, like, 300 years ago, we got the vote, and they need to get over it. If I knew I got to college under Affirmative Action, I’d drop out. I’d be offended; how dare they treat me like some number in a quota? I got here all on my own, and fuck them other folk. Oh, oh! I know this really funny joke: Why is aspirin white?”
“Yeah, I could qualify for food stamps, health care, maybe even some section 8 for a place to stay because I make minimum wage and I’ve got a chronic illness, but I’m not going to do that. Nope. I’m not some leech sucking the government teat. I grew up on government cheese and projects and all that, and I’ll never stoop to that level again. I’ve got my pride. None of my friends are on that mess. That’s just offensive that you would even suggest it! Leeches are the worst. Just you wait until the Libertarians gain more power. Everybody won’t pay a dime in taxes and we’ll shrink the government, and if you can afford to live, too bad!”
Yup, I existed in this world with those thoughts in my mind. Quick, class, point out one example of nonsense in those words. Extra points if you can find them all!
I did all of this nonsense, mostly to fit in, mostly due to the need to belong. I spent most of my childhood being rejected, so when I was a young adult, well, I lashed out. Fine, if I’m not Black enough, fuck you, I’ll be the biggest bestest Oreo in the whole wide world! I sucked at being a “girl”, fuck you, I’ll hate my own gender and all of the trappings involved! I’ll show you!
What changed? Well, I grew up, and in growing up, I realized that no matter how ‘white’ I behaved, I was still Black, and society still treated me as such – especially when it was time to ‘perform’ a stereotype. No matter how much I behaved like “one of the guys”, I was still perceived and treated as a woman (especially when my “friends” were horny). I was assaulted, insulted, offended, and smiled my way through it. Who wants to be the fun-killer in the group, right?
Then, I had enough. I wasn’t having fun anymore. So..I started being the fun-killer. I lost friends, gained new ones, traveled with other friend who were going through that same changes. And now, I’m more me than I’ve ever been. And it feels great. And looking back, I can’t help but smile a little through the cringing.
Now, for the most part, when I’ve seen it shared, one particular quote gets isolated:
And like clockwork, some poor dear has to chime in with “But what about my personal preferences? Am I racist if I don’t find Blacks or Asians or Latinos or whatever attractive?”, followed by a flurry of soothing the poor dear’s hurt fee-fees.
Well, I just stopped by to stomp on your fee-fees and tell you that you sound pretty damned racist.
Now hear me out. What I have discovered as a Lady of Color who had bedded more than her fair share of not-Black folk is that when someone says “I don’t date Black chicks”, they tend to mean “I don’t date people who are a specific exaggerated stereotype I have in my head and it’s just easier to lump even black woman in the universe than to bother really thinking about it”. And what do we normally call folks who lump all of a race into an exaggerated stereotype?
“But Femi!,” I hear you cry. “What if I just don’t find Black people attractive at all?”
You’re telling me you live in a world populated with ladies like Lupita Nyong’o, Kerry Washington, and Hallie Berry, and men like Shemar Moore, Denzel Washington, and Idris Motherfucking Elba exist, and there isn’t a single solitary person of African decent that don’t stir you in the pants just a little? Sorry, I am NOT buying it.
And neither is this Tumblr poster right here:
And on the flip side, those who are all “I’m SOOOO attracted to Asians” need to check out this quote from that Buzzfeed list:
ASIAN IS NOT A PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTIC. Every last one of those people pictured is identified as “Asian”. Again, do you perhaps mean some exotic West Asian Lotus Flower, or a Yamato Nadeshiko type from Japan? Again, you’re doing a hell of a lot of lumping, so fuck that.
I’m not saying “Don’t have personal preferences” or “You must put out for anyone who asks, whether you’re attracted to them or not”. Hell, I have preferences, but I at least fucking TRY not to insult an entire group of individuals based on simple stereotypes.
So yeah, think about what you’re saying, because you risk sounding racist as hell. If you’re not into gang bangers, say so! If you want a submissive types, say so! You want somebody who’s good at math, speaks their mind, enjoys skydiving, and makes a mean casserole, say so! Don’t lump other races together because you’re too damn lazy to think about what actually attracts you, because in the fucking end, none of us know for sure what our lizard brains will find pretty and/or fuckable.