Evidence, Anecdotes, and Disability

September 9, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminacebullshit, disability, fools, links3 Comments

So, I’ve been fighting for disability for about 2 years now, I’ve applied, appealed, and am now awaiting a hearing with a judge…eventually. I’ve got legal help, and am hopeful.

I noticed when I see posts about disability on the Facebooks and the Twitters, and almost every time some person will pop in with some anecdote about their sister’s hair stylist’s grandmom’s thrice removed who’s cheating the system and how we need to crack down on this loafers who just don’t want to work and want to live off the government teat.

*sigh*

As someone on public assistance, i hear the same shit about welfare recipients. It’s like everyone’s cheating the government or something, trying to get something for nothing, and it’s growing and how can we sustain all of these freeloaders?

Except they’re not. Yep, right in the New York Friggin’ Times. Read it. Skip the comments, because as usual, even in the face of fucking facts, people are really, really, invested in hanging onto their bullshit.

Part of it is that BS insistence on hanging onto crap about freeloaders. Part of it is a terrible misunderstanding about the process of getting disability, And part of it is a general misunderstanding about disability in general.

The process is long. Almost two years for me. It requires so much information – good luck if you haven’t had consistent health care. It requires so much waiting and waiting and waiting and fucking waiting. Lots of people give up after that first rejection. Even more after the rejected appeal. Your life is picked apart as complete strangers examine every part of it. If you can’t lift 30 pounds with your chronic illness, can you lift 10? You can’t speak on the phone without a panic attack, but how about customers face to face?

It’s hard and fuck anyone who thinks it’s just as easy as “Just find a doctor who will lie for you.”

The misunderstanding about disability is frustrating as hell. To way too many people, to be disabled means that you lie in bed in all day, staring at the wall while others care for you until the day you die. If you have to leave the house, and you have a disability placard, you better LOOK like a ‘cripple’. Otherwise, you’re a liar, liar, liarface fraud and we all hate you.

So you get anecdotes like “Oh, I saw that guy with a bad back on a sitting mower that one time? Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to be in his house in bed all day? Liar!”

Or “What’s that? The lady who you know has depression laughed in my presence once. That’s not how depression works! She’s obviously faking it.”

Or “Didn’t I see that person in a wheelchair yesterday? But they’re walking all their own today! Liar! Faker!”

There’s no such thing as a “good day’ when you’re disabled. There’s no such thing as “good meds” that work, but not well enough for you to hold down a job. There’s no such thing as “invisible illnesses”. Not in the black and white world of these people.

Their ignorance is to our determent. They have no idea about the details of the subjects of their anecdotes, what exactly is wrong, what treatments have been tried. But it’s enough to judge. Fuck them.

And no, spare me the fucking anecdotes in my comments, kay?

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Linky Roundup! (aka Feminace is Exhausted and Too Much Has Happened)

July 13, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminaceblacklivesmatter, fools, games, gifs, links1 Comment

Hello.

How was your 4th, Americans? Nice? Good.

I was at CONvergence. It was fun, but also very, very exhausting for me with the whole fibro plus GAD thing. But I did remember my self-care, so I got through it.

Especially in a very eye catching outfit. — All while dressed in a very eye catching outfit.

…told y’all I loved me some Dragon Age: Inquisition.

Anyway, that happened and then the week of mental and physical recovery happened and now I’m here. Still tired in the brain, but holy shit stuff happened and I can’t let it all pass without some commentary, so I’m dragging the Linky Roundup tag out of storage just for you.

** First of all: The ever awesome Iris Vander Pluym has awarded Seriously?!? a Very Inspiring Blogger Award, and I am very pleased as punch. Thank you, Iris! If you haven’t given Perry Street Place a gander, you simply must. And if you haven’t also given any of the other blogs on the list a gander, see previous sentence.

** I apparently missed an amazing Twitter clapback, or should I call this a clapBLACK. There’s this hashtag that got some notice, #whitegirlsdoitbetter. It in the vein of those “Post to make a black girl mad” BS nonsense that has white women try super hard with their attempt to copy our dance moves, gratuitous booty shots and picture of adorable interracial children. Personally, the first two make me giggle (I’m not into body shaming, but if you’re trying to prove that your ass is better than your average black girl, HAVE SOME ASS. Otherwise, stick with what you know you’ve got and do you, okay?), and the last makes me roll my eyes. Congrats, you have bedded a black man and have born his children. I’m supposed to be ‘mad’ why?

So, this hashtag. I have no idea when it appeared on Black Twitter’s radar, but it did and the reactions were priceless. Blavity has the highlights. Lesson, don’t come for us if we didn’t send for you.

** Speaking of people on Twitter who I think are amazing and should be followed by everyone, actress/comedian/general hoopy frood who knows where her towel is Pia Glenn delighted her YouTube subscribers by bringing back her trifling cousin Yvonne to explain why Black Twitter is pissed by people who pull from them without compensation.

“What’s going on with Black Twitter? The rent, bitch!”

Seriously, watch it.

** Bringing the mood down, another day, another reminder of how Black Lives Don’t Matter. Add “exercising your own damn horses” to the list of shit we can’t do without getting some shit and then death from cops Rest in Power, Jonathan Sanders.

** Bringing the mood up a bit, Obama’s ‘screw you’ to the Hobby Lobby decision is glorious. Fuck your ‘closely-held religious beliefs”.

** Homophobic and just plain foolish county clerks are reacting to gay marriage being a thing everywhere in this country by refusing to do their jobs. Again, fuck your “closely-held religious beliefs”.

** In “shit I can’t believe I have to say to people news”: Ladies, a man in a kilt is not an invitation. Keep your fucking hands to yourselves, for fuck’s sake.

…and to round things off, Rest Well, Satoru Iwata-san, president of Nintendo. The gamer community will miss you terribly.

Please understand.

Now For Something Fun (For Me)

June 23, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminacefools, games

(Content Warning: So. Much. Dragon Age Geeking. You’ve been warned)

(Also, this is mostly a ramble. I needed this and you will deal.)

It’s been a rough week? Month? Forever? I dunno.

But I needed a pick me up, so I went peeking through my tags and closing most of them (I’m a tag hoarder, I’ll admit), and I found this gem that I wanted to post sooner, but then racists were racist and people died and all I wanted to do was hide in my room for the next forever.

So I’m a little behind the ball, but who cares? I love having the opportunity to made fun of sad gamerbros being bros, so enough wind up, here’s the pitch.

Someone sent this to Bioware. Some actual human sent this:

Aww, poor boo-boo. Damn shame BioWare lost it’s Most Loyal Fan. I’m sure they’re crying into all the money Dragon Age: Inquisition made.

Full disclosure: I LOVE THIS GAME. Is it perfect? Nah. I could talk about where they fucked up and how they fucked up for days. Because I’m an adult who can love something and criticize it at the same time, something a lot of gamerbros seem incapable of comprehending.

One problem I do NOT have with this game is that my squishy bits aren’t being satisfied enough.

But this, man. Come on. Why not just send a picture of your sad, sad boner and spare so many words? I can’t even reread this shit without imagining this poor fellow just whirling his fists around, whining, “Why aren’t there pretty people and sexy times for meeeeee!”

I mean, damn, it’s not like you got that much detail in the brothel scenes in the two previous games. And if you don’t find Cassandra attractive, I feel sorry for you.

Ms. “Looks Like A Man” according to this sad, sad person. WTF?

Dude, again, come on. Are women who can kick your ass that scary? More’s the pity, her romance is one of the sweetest ones in the game. I don’t normally roll straight romances for Dragon Age (barring Alistair because fuck you, I’ma be a queen), but I made an exception for this badass.

And Josephine is ugly? What? Her?

What, is it the moles? Dark skin? Accent? She seems smart?

Don’t get me wrong. Everyone’s got tastes, and these two ladies aren’t to everyone’s. I get it. I wish this fool would get it to, because boy oh boy does he try to make his tastes seem universal. I’m pretty sure Orleasian women get to wear their hair however the fuck they want. As for Vivienne’s close shave and the ‘concept of women”, go fuck yourself. The ‘concept of women” is what we decide it is, not you. Just admit that long hair is your thing and stop trying to make it anything more than that.

Madam Vivienne is amused by the thought that your opinion matters

And in case you though he wasn’t serious, after Tauriq Moosa (whose Twitter you should be following if you like games and diversity and diversity in games) posted this pic on his Twitter, the actual writer fessed up. It’s been ages since this post, so I had to do a little digging, but here’s Tauriq’s post. Around that time, Dude responded and gave his example of a woman in a video that he approved of:

Ciri, from The Witcher 3. Okay. She’s pretty, I’ll give him that. A badass, for sure. Scarred even. But let’s see the differences between Ciri and our DA:I ladies, shall well?

She’s pale with very light hair.

Cassandra has short dark hair, scars and a supposed “man jaw” (though I don’t see much a difference between hers and Ciri’s)

Josephine has long dark hair, is dark skinned and apparently “ugly”

Vivienne’s hair is very, very, very, very short.

…right. I think I get the picture.

So from a very causal glance, it looks like this fellow should just stick to playing The Witcher 3 if Ciri is fapworthy for him. Hell, it even lacks all of that icky feminism and LGBT agenda stuff that apparently makes it impossible to play DA:I.

Now that I’m done mocking his very narrow tastes in women, let’s go to this supposed agenda. Oooh, we have exclusively gay characters you can smooch. Oooh, there’s a transgendered character you get to talk to (a transgendered man, actually, so where the fuck he got the “lecture” about dress wearing from who the fuck knows). OMG women are in important roles and shit. The fact that this was enough to scare this person away makes this game even more enjoyable for me. Truly. It’s pure spite, I know. But as a minority who loves games, it’s spite I believe is well earned. BioWare has a history of making gamerbros whine and sad in the pants, from Zevran’s very existence, to Anders coming onto them, to Kaiden’s a smooching option for girls and boys in the last ME game, which is what I LOVE about them.

And they keep making games. And money. So me thinks this dude and the “lot” of people he knows who agree with him really won’t be missed with their “gay-ass feminist” agenda (I’d find the fact that he managed to use ‘gay’ to mean both ‘homosexual’ and whatever the hell gay’ass was supposed to mean hilarious, if it wasn’t so sad).

Farewell, BioWare’s Most Loyal Fan.

What the poor dear is missing. Aww. — What the poor dear is missing.
Aww.

Black Women Can’t Be Mammies Right Now.

June 19, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminaceblacklivesmatter, fools, links2 Comments

Another tragedy has hit the Black community. Race-based. A terrorist attack in a house of worship.

I’ll leave it for others to talk about the details, because I’m still full of so much anger and rage and misery just thinking about it.

What I want to rant about is something related. Look, White people, I know one of the stereotypes you hold about Black women is that we’re happy to hear your problems and hold your hand as you try to process how shit it is to be us living in this world, but we can’t right now. To be honest, we’ve never been able to, and it’s caused a great deal of social media strife. White people accusing us of being angry, of lumping all White people together, of not being civil enough. White people waving their burnt asses around after they stumble into a conversation and try to make it about their ignorance – and get the roasting they very well fucking deserve.

#NotAllWhites this and #NotAllWhites that.

And we need that shit to stop. Post-haste. I know we’re scary when the Blacks are angry, but you’ll just have to fucking deal. “Reminding” us of #notallwhites isn’t even for us, it’s for you. You want us to reassure you that you’re one of the “good ones”, and that’s some fucked up shit when we’re hurting, which makes us even angrier and more hurt. We don’t have mental space or spoons or whatever to tend to your owies. If you were really as much of as ally as you claim to be, you’d understand that and gives us the space and support we need to process when more Black bodies are added to the groaning pile of proof that racism isn’t over.

What should you do? I’ll happily give you some suggestions, for free. You don’t even have to thank me.

This racist shitstain was reported as saying some “You rape our women” BS while he was murdering folks. That claim was for you, White women. That claim spoke for you, White men. Don’t agree? Time to make that known. Post it on FB, start a fucking hashtag on Twitter or Tumblr, write a blog post (the two linked are great), share a blog post that already states your disagreement on your social media.

Aww, you don’t think you have to go that far? Everyone knows that you don’t agree with RacistFuck McBowlCut? Are you sure? Maybe your non-White friends would at least appreciate that sort of reminder. I know I’d appreciate it a lot more than yet another #notallwhite plea that insults my intelligence.

Not fair? Think about what Black people and Muslims have to do when one of ours fucks up. Posts, speakers, hashtags, all disowning the fucker, and if we don’t do it fast enough, we’ll have folks wondering why we’re not speaking up?

It’s not like we’re asking for the moon and fucking stars here, White friends, supposed White allies. Nothing more than what we have to do.

Now get to it.

FEMINACE’S SUGGESTIONS FOR NOT GETTING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU ONLINE, PART TWO

May 28, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminacefools

I’m only trying to help y’all.

See, when people are criticizing diverse representation in some form of media or something and this shit happens:

Example: “Why are their no black main actors is this movie about Egypt?”
Fuckwitted answer: “Maybe they wanted star power!” or “Maybe the actors that auditions weren’t good enough!”

Example: “Why is this cismale actor playing a transgendered character?”
Answer pulled straight from ass: “Maybe no transgendered actors tried out?” or “Maybe they didn’t want to put a transgendered actor through playing a pretransitioned character?” or “Maybe they wanted star power!”

Example: “Why isn’t there an option to play a female character in this first person shooter?”
You Get The Fucking Point Answer: “Maybe not enough women play!”

Don’t do this. You are making a claim that, unless you have some very specific knowledge, you cannot possibly prove. I just read this same shit when someone wondered why they couldn’t have hired an actual blind person to head up Daredevil. The poor sod was saying shit like “How would they read the script?” and “There can’t be that many blind actors around.”

And then someone posted a link to two acting academies that specialize with the blind. And then presented a list of already known blind actors.

See how ignorant you can look when you try to stand up for the status quo?

This tact is derailing at the least, and makes you sound both ignorant and uncaring. And if you don’t care, why the fuck are you even responding? We’re aware that Hollywood is in the business to make as much money as humanly possible. We’re aware that gaming culture caters to the young white male demographic to the point of ridiculousness. We know that our society is skewed heavily to avoid diversity. You don’t have to fucking remind us when we bring up specific examples of it. We want to challenge the status quo.

Again, if you don’t care, don’t respond. If you find us bring this shit up annoying (lucky you), thanks to options on your platform of choice, you don’t even have to see it. Take your own damn responsibility.

Or at least, don’t start whining when you get your ass handed right back to you.

Weep On, Gamerbros

May 27, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminacefools, games, hypocriscy6 Comments

So, there’s this game called Rust. And it starts off dropping the player into a wilderness naked. It’s a survival-type game, so you have to make, find, or craft what you need to survive (including clothes) in the game for as long as possible. There’s also the chance that another player can kill you, if the game itself doesn’t.

The game is on Early Access on Steam, so it’s a work in progress. Until recently, every character was a white guy. You know, like the vast majority of games with a static character in them. No problems there.

Then, suddenly, Rust changed things. See, the character can be of a different race. And not any sort of fantasy race, I mean human variations. So, yep, you could start up your game and surprise! be a black guy. And there’s no changing it.

And the white gamerbros freaked the fuck out.

It was ironic and glorious. Suddenly, it mattered what the race of your character was. Suddenly, representation mattered as whiner after whiner after whiner whined about living in the game world as a black man and what it means. Like being called ‘nigger’ or being targeted because of the color of your skin, because of course, gamerbros are the worst, even to each other.

Suddenly consumer choice mattered. Suddenly the lack of choice (which every other gamer who isn’t white or male just apparently had to “suck it up”) mattered. Suddenly, they got to feel the same way a lot of us lady gamers and gamers of color get to feel.

And boy or boy did they not like it. The pity is that they don’t quite seem to get it. The lack of empathy is astounding. Hell, Extra Credits, known for having a pretty soft hand when it comes to the goal of making games better, has addressed the issue, seeing it as a good thing, and I agree.

Yes, you may have to play as a black character, and with all that entails. Does that make you uncomfortable? Good. Live in that discomfort. Experience it. This is your privilege being shoved into your face. Think about the lady gamers who would like to play as a woman (though given that the character starts off naked and anatomically correct, there are legit concerns with that, given again, how shitty gamerbros are. I say do it anyway.) in their first person survival games. Think about the people who aren’t you that are forced, by agreeing to pay for and play the game, to play someone who does not represent them over and over again.

Or keep crying. Keep whining. Keep being painfully unaware that the same words you use to attempt to silence us when we ask for diversity in gaming apply to you right now. Hell, my cup needs filling anyways.

Food, Sex, and Implied Judgement

April 28, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminaceasexual, fools, rant7 Comments

Since my entire opinion of Baltimore can be described as continuous screaming, I’m gonna address that thing I said I was going to address before that burned my biscuits last week.

So, to continue the analogy from my previous post:

“I don’t like sweet potatoes.”
“Have you tried this recipe or this method or this type?”
“No seriously, I’m not interested.”
“Have you try eating them correctly?”

Is that makes no sense to you, then why does this make any more sense:

“I’m not into sex.”
“Have you tried this position or with this partner or this kink?
“No, seriously, I’m not interested”
“Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

Both are presumptive things to say to anyone. Both are bullshit.

Here’s two more examples:

“I’m going vegan!”
“Well, I enjoy meat still”
“I’m gonna have all of the meat you’re not having!”
“Bacon bacon bacon!”

And this:

“I’m demisexual!”
“What? You form emotional connections before pants feels? Do you think you’re better than me?”
“That’s not a real orientation, you special snowflake!”

Both responses are also bullshit. Now I’ve mention my asexuality before, and I’ve been very critical of sex-positivity that doesn’t allow for “no, not ever” to be a viable option. I’ve read comments of people treating my sexuality as some sort of personal judgement against them.

I say this with all of the love in my heart: This shit isn’t about you.

The vegan isn’t not eating meat at you. I’m not Not eating sweet potatoes at you. I’m not lacking in sexual attraction at you. The demi isn’t having their feelings at you. My sexuality isn’t about you.

I’m so very, very sorry that folks lack the imagination to guess how ace/gray/demi sexualities work, but that isn’t our fucking problem. We exist anyway. You can’t imagine how one can be romantically attracted to someone without pants feelings? You can’t think of how someone might not feel pants feelings until a romantic bond has formed. I pity your lack of imagination. We exist anyway.

(Dear fuck me, don’t meet someone who is aromantic and involved with someone. I fear your heads might explode)

You don’t have to ‘understand us’ to accept us.

I’m disappointed at so-called “sex-positive” stances that apparently don’t have room for “no thanks, please” as an option. My sexuality isn’t a commentary on yours. My fears of assault and hate because of my sexuality, because of my gender, because of my race are just as real as someone who experiences sexual attraction.

Shit, hearing people try to dismiss asexuality because of the societal expectation of abstinence until marriage make me want facepalm forever. If you’d just think for a moment, think about how once we’re adults, the exception is that sex is going to happen, and it’s expected, especially in romantic relationships, and see how downright ‘deviant’ it seems to say “that doesn’t do it for me”. How you’re not believed. How it’s assumed you’re not doing “it” right. How you are a puzzle to be fixed. I’m not saying that my concerns are more important, it’s not a competition, but fucking hell, none of you have the right to dismiss my concerns.

You want to try to understand? Ask us. Ask more than one of us (respectfully. We don’t have to parrot our sexual histories to justify ourselves to you). You’d be fucking amazed at the variety under our little umbrella. How some ace folks are poly. How some are into kink. How some are in relationships with allosexuals (that’s our term for you) and are happy. How some are sex-repulsed, others are sex-neutrals, and others are porn watching smut peddlers (…that would be me). How some aces don’t mind having sex with their bodies for a myriad of reasons that have jack all to do with “sexual attraction”. How difficult it is to date when you’re demi or gray-A or ace.

There is nothing more disheartening than to hear people who expect their sexualities to be respected and honored making a joke out of us. My sexuality isn’t a joke. It’s not a failure to fuck properly. It’s not abstinence. It’s not society telling me that “good girls don’t”. It is, quite simply, a lack of sexual attraction.

Sounds weird to you? Okay.

You know what sounds weird to me? Oral.

Privilege Tourism: Our Lives are NOT Social Experiments!!

April 13, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminaceconfrontation, fools2 Comments

Dear sweet baby Jesus in a cradle up a tree, I am done, done, DONE with people of privilege donning the costume and trappings of marginalized people’s situations and being treated as ‘brave’ or someone we ought to respect because ‘OMG, they totally know what it’s like now!”

I’ma put this bit in bold so you understand: NO YOU GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING DON’T!

No, living like you’re on food stamps for a week isn’t “knowing what it’s like”.

No, wearing a hijab for Lent isn’t “knowing what it’s like”

No, binding your boobs and “be a trans guy for a day” isn’t “knowing what it’s like”.

No, wearing a fat suit for a day isn’t “knowing what it’s like”.

This is privilege tourism, a brief visit to get just a taste. Then you come back and talk as if you know damn near everything about the place, when you’ve only seen the highlights.

You wanna know what it’s like to be poor, a hijabi, transgendered, or fat? Let me make a strong suggestion: Listen to people who are poor, a hijabi, transgendered, and fat.

They are out there. Some have already placed their experiences in easy to read and possibly understand formats that are just one search on your search engine of choice away. You can read them. You can open up your brain past your own damned experiences and LEARN.

LEARN without embarrassing yourself and offending those who can’t take off the ‘costume’ at the end of the experiment.

Let go of this concept that the only way to learn is to walk in someone’s shoes, that the only way you can process another’s world is through you own eyes. There are some shoes you will never walk in, and there are some shoes you really shouldn’t try to walk in. You can express empathy and understanding by listening and learning from those who walk that path every damned day of their lives.

And you can help, actually help, but elevating those voices, especially if you have an audience (*ahem*Gwyneth*ahem*). Those voices need to be heard a lot more than your twisted attempt at empathy that comes off as another fucking vanity project.

If anything, it might even save you from the righteous anger of those who have every fucking right to be angry at yet another tourist taking a cruise through their lives.

No Love, Me: Head-desking Cis Edition

April 10, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminacefools

Cis folks,

STOP THIS!

No love,
Your fellow cis

You, yes YOU, can be an escort!

March 14, 2015October 4, 2016 Feminace40 Days of Bullshit, abortion, escorting, fools

When I share my tales of being on the sidewalk, I tend to get one out of two reactions (sometimes both):

1. Thank you!

2. No way I can do that.

My response is usually:

1. You’re welcome

2. Well, it’s not for everyone.

Well, I think starting now my response for Number 2 is going to start being.

2. Yeah, you probably can.

No. Really. I’m serious.

Yes, it’s not easy at first. Yes, it’s not a cake walk if you get a clinic with a lot of unpleasant antis. But it’s not impossible for most people who say “No way”. You know how I know?

Because the skills required to do this thing are exactly the same skills you use to live in our world.

Can you go without popping off at the slightest inconvenience? Can you exist around people who disagree with you…and not constantly argue with them? Do you know when to shut up? Are you able to focus on someone in need? Do you know when is a good time to engage and when not engaging is a waste of your time?

Yes you can. You do it already. At work, online, at home, among friends. Seriously.

These same skills are used to escort. You don’t engage with the antis, you try to make patients feel safe, you talk shit about the antis to your other escorts, you listen for ridiculous arguments and post them on Twitter to laugh it up with your other pro-choice buddies, then your shift ends, you take off your vest and you flip off the group on your way out. Ta-da, done, see you next week!

(Insert disclaimer here about there being exceptions and that’s okay, and you’re not who I’m talking to. )

But the rest of you? You can do it. Why not try it?

We’ll save a vest for you.