( to the tune of “Milkshake”)
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Adventures in Welfare: Can’t Even Be Honest
It can all burn down.
Continue reading “Adventures in Welfare: Can’t Even Be Honest”
No, Buzzfeed. No.
Hey y’all. It’s been a bit, hasn’t it? I’ve missed us reaching the end of our Kickstarter and all the celebrating, I missed last Frivolous Friday, I missed an escort day.
Welcome to the delightful world of chronic illness and the special word “flare”. I’m smack dab in the middle of one and let me tell you, I recommend it to no one. My choices this week have been either A) Do a little shit around the house or B) Brain long enough to write a blog post.
Since the cats do appreciate a clean litterbox, and we appreciate an empty trash bin and I appreciate clean clothing, guess what’s been winning thus far?
But today, I’m braining. Barely. So barely, that I’m going to let someone else do the outrageous mockery for me.
So, a couple of days ago, Buzzfeed had the brilliant idea of releasing this video:
Ugh. My head hurts. More.
Thankfully Black Twitter, being Black Twitter, spent the day gleefully dragging the edges right off this mess with the hashtag #BuzzFeedVideoQuestions.
It was glorious.
Now, this would be the part where I would start answering these questions myself, but I can’t brain, so I’ma link to someone else who has done the hard, head-against-the-wall banging work of pointing out the just plain fucked uppery of these questions. Take it away, Bossip:
2. If my dab is on fleek, am I lit?
WTF are you even saying? Black people don’t actually talk like this. Do you know ANY Black people?
6. Why did watermelon become our thing? Like, everyone should love watermelon.
White people made watermelon a Black thing. Black people had zero percent to do with that. I swear to God if the next questions is “why do Black people pick SO. MUCH. COTTON.” I’m gonna throw my computer. But also not be terribly surprised.
10. Why do people with light skin look better than people with dark skin?
Because racism. And also colorism. And also again racism.
23. Why is being educated considered a White thing? Why can’t I love school and also be Black?
JESUS CHRIST WHO ACTUALLY SAYS THESE THINGS?!?! BY AND LARGE BLACK PEOPLE DON’T THINK THIS. WATER YEW DEWING I’M GETTING A MIGRAINE.
And at that point, so was I.
So I’m going back to bed, folks. This was just way too much foolishness for one day.
“How To Not Have Your Ass Handed To You” Part Whatever
Hello again, class. Today’s lesson is called “Words Not Invented By Tumblr”
Now we have a lot of edgelord “anti-SJW” fucksticks – and that’s a technical term – who are damned determined to call every word they either don’t understand or like the work of oversensitive Tumblrina special snowflakes.
Here are a quick list of terms that, I promise you, existed before 2007:
- asexual
- pansexual
- intersectionality
- neurodivergent
- otherkin
- ableism
- intersex
- agender
- non-binary
- Aspergers
- genderfluid
- cissexism
- cis
- problematic
I’m pretty sure there are more, but in case you’re wondering ‘how do you know that?’, the answer is easy.
I put the word into the thing called a search engine and looked it up!
You can do it too! It’s not as easy as just claiming words you don’t like as the invention of a website you dismiss as fluff invaded by SJWs, but you will sound a lot more intelligent. I mean, you could not be on the same site, with your attempts at mocking profiles that tell the world that you are some sort of “trans-refrigerator, bisexual donkey person”, but what do I know? I merely offer tips to help you sound smart.
And aren’t you smarter than those darn Ess-Jay-DubbaYews?
Observe Compassionate Sidewalk Counseling!
In “other things I like post about”, the fine folks at A Women’s Choice in Jacksonville, FL posted this gif on their Facebook page:
Such compassion. See, the clinic set up this privacy fence for reasons that should be obvious. It’s already bad enough that these jackwagons wear fake volunteer vests, but they decide to get up on a damn ladder, over the privacy fence…to “counsel”.
Apparently trickery and abuse of privacy is considered ‘compassion’ to these folks.
If you happen to be new to this whole “clinic protest” thing (and I am regularly in awe of people who don’t know that this is still a Thing), here are some resources you can click on to see just how shit it is. I promise you, it’s not just, as the recently decease Scalia (May he rot to pieces) once described as kindly old ladies passing out lit.
If tumblr is your thing, follow Shit Anti-Choice Protester Say. There are videos, taken by these shitmunchers themselves, of people being harassed.
Or, you can follow the fuckery on Twitter using the hashtags #notcounseling #protectthezone or #clinicescorts. These are used by a couple of escorts around the country to document the fuckery. Including yours truly, once I get back into the game.
You don’t have to volunteer, but at the very least, educate yourself and spread the information around so no one has the excuse of ignorance of what these poor excuses for caring human beings really are.
Harassers.
How To Treat Gun Fail
Others can tackle the far deeper issue of deliberate gun violence and mass shootings and all that. I want to tackle something that frankly sounds simpler: Gun Failure. Or Failure to Gun Properly.
Most people, whether you’ve handled a gun yourself or not (for the record, I have. I’ve even fired a few), know at the very least rule one of gun safety reads something like “Don’t point it at anything you don’t want destroyed”. Then there’s “Assume all guns are loaded”, and “Put the safety on if you’re not going to shoot something”, and “GET YOUR FUCKING FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER, SPARKY!”
So basic, yet we get story after story of people who apparently never got the fucking memo, some to very tragic ends. That is, to other people. If you fuck up and put a gun to your head assuming it’s not loaded and splatter your brains all over the place, that’s on you, boo-boo, it’s what you get for losing a game of Russian Roulette vs. Common Sense.
Then there’s those special snowflakes who treat having a gun as “how we get our way” when their life is inconvenienced in some way (your fries were cold, you got your stuff checked before you could leave the store, someone cut you off in traffic, you don’t like the person your kid is dating for reasons other than abuse). One of my favorite web shows, What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?, has this quote that I’ve been using in these cases: “A gun is not a remote control for life”. This is poor gun responsibility and Gun Fail.
Here is my proposal to handle such issues of Gun Fail:
If you can’t handle a gun properly, you should get your license revoked and must report to some-fucking-where with all of the guns you have that are capable of being fired (so no, no one’s coming after Great Great Grandpa Magnum’s old rabbit huntin’ rifle or your collection of muskets from the Great War of Eighteen Twenty-Who Gives A Fuck) to give them up. This period could last for months, for years, forever, whatever, make it ramp up with the offense.
- You point that fucker at someone and are “surprised” when there’s a bullet in the chamber and it shoots that someone? Revoked. Also charged with whatever other crime is applicable here.
- You leave it where a kid could get their hands on it and shoot someone/themselves? REVOKED. Also arrested and charged with negligence at the very fucking least. And don’t give me that “their parents suffered enough” bullshit. You know who’s suffering more? The dead kid and/or the kid who shot said kid.
- You stick the fucker in your pants or waistband or whatever and shoot yourself and LIVE? Revoked.
- You use the fucker like a remote control for life. REVOKED.
- You do any of this shit and are a member of law enforcement or the military? REVOKED, FIRED, NEVER ALLOWED TO WORK IN THAT CAPACITY EVER AGAIN. Talk about supposed to know fucking better. Also, if you’re in the military, current or vet, your commanding officer pays you a visit to bawl your ass out.
I could go on.
Is this a very, very simplistic idea? Yup. It would need a lot more work, probably suited for people who know more about logistics than I. Would this stop mass murders? Nope. Could someone still get their hands on a gun anyway? Of course the fuck they can, don’t even TRY to insult my intelligence by assuming I don’t fucking know that. People get their hands on guns illegally all the fucking time. That’s already a crime, last I checked.
But damnit, it could at least make some of these “responsible” gun owners actually accountable, or think for a second, or even ACT like responsible gun owners I know, the ones who treat the fuckers like the lethal instruments they are.
Fewer Gun Fail would be good for everyone, as far as I’m concerned.
No, Hoteps, I Do Not “Overstand” Your Nonsense
I’d thought I’d start off the party with something light and cute, just to lure new readers into a sense of peace and calm, thinking “This Niki person is rather delightful” and then SLAM BAM right into the dropping of the f bombs and creative uses of the word “douche”.
Then I was introduced to YADA this week.
And that was the point where I decided to say “Fuck it, give ’em a full blast in the face of some serious Seriously?!?”
Well, yes, YADA, if you starve yourself enough, your periods will indeed stop. But we call that anorexia, and that’s a disorder.
Then I discovered more people, mostly cismen, who seem to believe that having a menstrual period is unnatural.
Guys…I just…I can't.
It's…it's just. Idk anymore. Please, just read the page. It's, so bad. pic.twitter.com/QVIeqhdpWz
— X (@XLNB) March 15, 2016
Yep, that would be another dude telling a woman that periods are unnatural. It’s even in a book, so you know it’s facts!
Oh wait! There’s some words of wisdom for cismen about proper ejaculations and their heartrate. Auuuum, come with the earth, fellas!
Just another day in Hotep Land, where Ashy Ankh Negros romp and play.
(EDITED TO ADD: Now don’t get Hotepery mixed up with Afrocentrism. One can celebrate and honor our ancestry without going all the way to the extreme “White People are the Devil, cleanse your third eye, brother” side. Hat tip to Negrodamus for pointing that out in the comments)
What’s a Hotep, you may ask? Take the sheer fuckery from white supremacists, mix a bunch of Egyptian symbols that are poorly misunderstood, add spoonfuls of misguided black pride, throw in cups and cups of misogyny and homophobia, a dash of fucked understanding of science and medicine and the English language, and then drop it off a cliff. The resulting mess is Hotep.
These folks (because there are women who subscribe to this shit) claim to know about the roots of our African ancestry and must inform us all of how brainwashed they are by the white man. They take #StayWoke to extreme levels, trying to wake us all up with nonsense. They hide their hatred of women and the celebration of toxic masculinity behind the concept of “getting back to our roots”. It’s pretty sad and infuriating as fuck.
Misogyny (or specifically misogynoir)
Hoteps claim to looooove black women. We are queens (or Kweens?). Our wombs are where nations can be built. We are the rock the “blakk” man can rely on in this struggle.
As long as we don’t speak up for ourselves. Or dress sexy for ourselves. Or refuse to put up with their shit. Or expect more out of men. Or are lesbians or bisexual but unwilling to do threesomes with them and another woman (cause that’s hawt). Or claim that a black man raped them.
Then we’re at best, brainwashed and at worst, agents working for the white man to bring the blakk man down. It’s fucked.
And they do engage in basic misogyny too. By bedding women of other races, it’s like poking the “whyte” man in the eye. But heaven forbid a black woman date someone of another race, that’s bringing the downfall of the black race.
If you haven’t noticed, Hotep is all about uplifting the black man at the expense of everyone else.
Toxic Masculinity
Are you a trans woman? Then you’re unnatural, feminized, affected by the society that tries to feminize black men.
Are you a trans man? Then you’re trying to suppress the black man by “trying to be a man”.
Are you gay? Are you a cisman who cares for his kids or enjoys things that are tagged ‘feminine’? Then you can see where I’m going here.
For people who claim that being stereotyped is terrible, they cling to the image of a roughnecked oversexed manly man. A man who engages in “nation building” aka sleep with a lot of women to make babies for them to care for while the man continues to, well, build nations. A man who is tough, not in touch with his emotions, answers insults with violence. Toxic all around.
If you haven’t noticed, Hotep is also about allowing black men to be irresponsible asshats.
Misunderstanding of Science and History
You really want to get a good hard look at Hotepery? Watch the series Hidden Colors. Well, first, get really, really drunk (or high, if you’re able) first and then watch this ahistorical piece of garbage. I’m aware that we’re not exactly represented in history classes, but making up shit like “black people never lived in caves, like white people did” isn’t the way. According to the first two videos in this series, nearly everything good in the world was made by black or mixed people. EVERYTHING.
Oh right, and they dip their brains into Egyptian religion and artistry and claim it’s our heritage. It’s like they either forgot or have no idea that the slave trade of our ancestors came from west Africa. Egypt isn’t in west Africa, but telling them that would prove my brainwashing. It’s already bad enough that I’m partnered with a white man.
As for medicine? It drips with pseudoscience, as you can see from the top image. Periods are unnatural, cauliflower doesn’t contain carbon, relaxers get into your brain, single mothers make their sons gay, and so on. Essential oils can cure everything, white science developed AIDS to depopulate black people…
…hold on, that shit is one of the reasons why there is so much AIDS denialism in Africa. Fuck these guys.
You name a psuedoscience, and you can find a Hotep promoting it in the name of healing ‘our’ people from white man’s medicine.
If you haven’t noticed, Hotep is about twisting what we’ve learned to suit their fucked up agenda.
In Conclusion
Fuck these guys. Again. Fuck their disrespect of black women, fuck their support of the toxic masculinity that is killing themselves and trans women of color, fuck their lack of understanding of science, fuck their lack of understanding of ANYTHING.
Fuck their abuse of English, with substituting “EYE” for “I” and “overstand” for “understand”. Fuck their insistence on calling other people ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ like attempting to establish a kinship would make their bullshit go down easier – also, we’re not at church.
The best way to combat this shit is to laugh at them. As frustrating and condescending as they can be, they don’t have nearly as much power as they claim to be.
Expectation in the Atheism Movement
(I’m going to be talking about atheism and maybe Dawkins and perhaps some SJW stuff. Here’s your warning: Read my comment policy and yes, it applies to you.
Come at me with anything trying to defend Dawkin’s fuck ups, and your comment won’t even make it through moderation. Come at me with anything accusing SJWs or whatever of trying to take over atheism or forcibly turn everyone into feminists or whatever conspiracy theory you pulled out of your ass, and your comment won’t make it out of moderation. Try to tell me how you don’t see a ‘movement’ or a reason for a movement, and you see where this is going.
Who knows, I might let it through just to mock you…and block you. Depends on my mood.
Your arguments are boring, have been heard before, and I don’t care to entertain them here. Take your Frozen Peaches elsewhere.)
Ahem.
The irony of Dawkin’s smug ass face on featured image of this article is overwhelming as fuck. And people have been sharing it so much on Facebook that it makes me ill.
Now let me let some of you in on what is apparently a secret in the atheism movement: A lot of us managed to figure out this whole ‘no gods’ thing and/or the evolution thing without touching a single one of this man’s books or hearing him talk. We owe him nothing.
I would bet you good money that a lot of those people are poor, not college educated, racial minorities, queer and/or women. Again, we owe the fucker NOTHING, so in my particular case, I feel no qualms about calling him out when he done fucked up.
(and before anyone mentions it, I hope he recovers from his recent stroke. He’s still a fucker, doubly so for trying to blame it on the stress by ‘fellow’ left leaning feminist who he deliberately stirred up recently. So fuck him.)
You know, in light of the re-invite by NECSS, I think the folks in organized atheism really ought to be trying to get involved with actual inclusivity instead of pushing away some of us away by constantly licking the taint of their “Horsemen” because money and/or media exposure. No matter how shit their opinions are or have become about things that also matter, you know, like feminism and racism.
And the exclusion of most marginalized people has been so obvious that it’s breathtaking. Why should conferences have to be told to provide childcare like it’s some kind of gift instead of just a fucking given? Why do people saying stuff like “It sure would be nice to not have all of our gatherings in a bar late at night somewhere where transit doesn’t run or run well” such a radical thing to ask for? Why are big name conventions completely out of the realm for anyone below a certain income? Why do these conventions keep inviting accused rapists and known Islamophobes and anti-feminists? Don’t they know how unwelcoming that really is?
(and at this point, someone may mention that there are people in those categories that I listed above who are perfectly okay with how things are. Good for them. I’m talking about what needs to be done to make organized atheism more welcoming to others like them. So you don’t have to mention it.)
That’s why I support smaller, more social justice oriented secular conferences. Ones that allow talk about social justice issues, ones who have accommodations like gender neutral bathrooms and childcare and quiet rooms – as a given. Ones who take direct responsibility when there’s a fuck up. Ones run by people who try and succeed in having as much of a diverse panel as they can. Ones that give a fuck about actually making atheism inclusive, rather than some special club that you have to adjust yourself to fit in, or have read the right books, or what the fuck ever.
Ones that the big boys probably don’t even know exist.
And on one hand, that’s fucking sad. They should. It’s where the young folks are, you know, the future our of movement?
On the other hand, it’s the sort of atheism that we need so badly. An atheism that goes beyond “I don’t believe in gods”. One that goes past the dictionary definition and into “Now what do I do about it?”.
That’s the atheism I’m interested in. The one that tries to make the world a better place without god. If that’s not yours, fine (okay, not fine, but I’m not going to waste time arguing with you), but get the fuck out of my way.
RTMFP
Just a little piece of advice for people who roll up to my comments trying to tell me what I should or should not be focusing on.
See, I’m a little cranky and sore this extended weekend. I spent one night having a sleep study. Do you know what a sleep study is?
Then you lay down on the worlds most uncomfortable mattress not made of actual rocks for a night while someone watches you. Sometime in the night, you get a CPAP machine placed on your face so you breathe into that.
Needless to say, I woke up early, sore and grumpy. Oh, and with goo everywhere including in my hair. I get out into -4F weather, go home and there’s bullshit to deal with at home. I spent most of the weekend so sore I couldn’t stand it, so tired I spend all of Saturday napping, and so pissy that I called my cat a bastard who I wanted to turn into a muff – for asking for food.
Not in the best mood. Which means I’m in the perfect mood to write this post.
So, yeah. To the point. You see that acronym in the title? You may not be familiar with it, or you might be familiar with another of its type: RTFM. For both, I’ll translate:
Read
The
Mother
Fucking
Post
See, when I get comments like this:
…I get amused. And a little annoyed. Okay, a lot annoyed. Maybe even pissed. Is there a term for laughing while angry?
Get this peeps, this is MY blog. I write about anything I fucking want. I write about any topic I want. I didn’t have to give details of my weekend and a picture of myself up top to start this shit, but I did. And none of motherfuckers can stop me.
I have friends who suggest that I charge for the privilege of giving me a topic to address, and even that grates on me as an incentive. I don’t want to write what someone else wants me to write; even for pay (unless you’re my editor). Fuck that shit.
So, if you’re thinking “hey, let me tell you what topic you should be focused on”, watch this clip from a show I’ve never actually watched before:
To put it in terms you might understand. “You come into my house, you read the topics as I FUCKING WRITE THEM?”
Understand?
The Disability Parking Police
You know these people. They leave notes on cars like this one or this one. They approach and confront frauds using those placards to just get better parking. They’re doing it to help actual disabled people get the parking spot they deserve, if it wasn’t for these frauds.
Small problem: NO ONE ASKED THEM TO FUCKING TAKE ON THIS ROLE
There was no alien descending upon them to give them this mission. There was probably no Council of Actually Disabled people gracing them with a secret badge. I’m betting good money that they probably don’t even know a person who’s disabled, never mind one who would ask them to police their parking spots.
See, as I pointed out in my previous post about disabilities, there are way too many people who are just ignorant as fuck about what disabilities are, so when they see someone with a placard leaving their car under their own power (no wheelchair, walker, cane), obviously they are a fraud. And frauds need to be called out. No calling the police or the manager of the store to report them or anything useful, just write a nasty little note and leave it on their car to discover. Because writing nasty notes has always worked to make a fraud go “oh dear, I’ve been found out. Time to return this placard.”
Like welfare and SSI, the rate of fakers taking advantage of disabled parking is low. Low low. Very low. Look it the fuck up if you don’t believe me. So the likelihood of the Parking Spot Police actually catching a fraud is next to fucking impossible. All they’re doing is spoiling a person’s day who is probably having it hard enough. All they’re doing is trying to make themselves feel better, puff themselves up at the expense of someone who has a disability they can’t see.
All they’re doing is showing off their ignorance in the guise of trying to help “real disabled people”.
While never knowing what is going on with the so-called fraud.
People have these strange expectations of the disabled, that we much perform our disability for them to prove it. They have to see us struggle, they have to see that walker, that wheelchair, that child who can’t hold their head up and drools a little. They need to see it so they can feel sorry for us, feel better than us. “But the grace of God go I” and all that shit. So when they see someone who doesn’t “look disabled”, it angers them. That person looks fine. That person looks like a “normal” person. Fraud! Faker! Time to write a note and wait until they come out and demand proof (like who the fuck are you?). How can you feel sorry and superior to this person if you can’t see their brokeness?
Are you their doctor? Were you the person who signed off on allowing them that placard? No? Then, if you must patrol the disabled parking spaces, learn about invisible disabilities like EDS and fibro and Crohn’s and RA and a host of others. Learn the difference between good days and bad days. Stop demanding that people perform their disability for your viewing pleasure. Learn some fucking empathy.
I’ll be taking your badge, pen, and scrap paper now. You’re off the force.