I love The Establishment. I know some cool people who write for it, I’ve considered submitting something for it. And I still do.
But honeys, and I say this with love, y’all done fucked the entire fuck up.
Excuse me, but what the hell is this? It starts off sad, girl meet boy, they marry, and boy isn’t interested in sex as much, girl writes about it. A sad state of affairs when sexual hungers don’t match.
Then we go down the rabbit hole of WTF?:
I married a man for whom making love to his wife has become an afterthought, or an occasional reaction, under duress, to my advances.
Don’t see a problem? Switch the genders. Now do you see it?
Don’t get me wrong; I sorta feel for this lady. Not feeling sexual desirable to one’s spouse can be devastating. But that doesn’t make sex under duress okay. It creeps me the fuck out, reading bits like this:
I used to wake him up with kisses, teasing, boldly climbing on top of him and having my way. He responded by laying still, his eyes closed, sometimes with his fingertips on my hips, waiting for me to have an orgasm so he could go back to sleep. The one-sided nature quickly felt dirty and wrong. What kind of asshole was I, taking sex from him when he didn’t want it, just so I could get off?
Now, thebestbetty has the best breakdown of why all of this is just WUT? and why would a progressive feminist news blog would post this, and I suggest reading it. I want to take this from the view of said coerced partner.
Getting drunk just to have teh seks is a huge red flag. I remember drunken nights of “passion” that left me lying on my back hoping to God whoever this was thrusting into me would finish already so I could sleep/return to the party/etc. In a world where sex advice mentions shit like “just go along with it, you’ll get into it” as a way to get uninterested partners on the level of their more sexual partners, shit like this squicks me out. This type of advice makes the less interested party look and sound like the bad guy, denying their loved ones the sex needed to run their relationship. So the more sexual partner gets advice like this, or to talk about becoming nonmongamous, or breaking up (and if they break up, they’re seen as the more reasonable one. I mean, who isn’t into sex? Obvious something what up with the ex, right?).
And this ace chick thinks it’s gross. It’s exploitative. Where’s the advice for the more sexual partner to just masturbate already? How about a cuddle for cuddle’s sake without making it some sort of sneaky way to get sex started?
I’m glad this women feels dirty and wrong, because sex like this IS dirty and wrong. You’re having sex with someone who wasn’t responsive, just because there was an erection there. Do I have to mention that erections are not consent? Do I really? Have they tried therapy, because everything about this is wrong. wrong. wrong? His drinking (and pissing the bed? Dude, put on some Depends during bender night or get into rehab to drink less stat) and her damn near raping him is going to fuck up what’s already a fucked up situation.
Ugh, this entire issue makes me want a shower. The Establishment, please do the right thing and pull this article. I hate the thought of having to add an asterisk when I recommend you to others.