Oh Noes! Watch_Dogs 2 is RUUUUIIIINNNED!

Good news, everyone! The smash flop Watch_Dogs has a sequel a comin’! Yay!

And even better, the lead ISN’T that Aiden jackass!  Seriously, JACKASS.


Holy moley did you see the trailer? The lead looks, OMG, sit down, hold on to your beverage: BLACK!

Abandon Ship! We are not happy anymore!!

And that was when some Steam users left the parade.  Well, not before dropping some bits of shit in the forums. Thankfully, Jim Sterling did the digging so I didn’t have to and found the best corn in the shit, stepping on every single one of my pet peeves of entitled gamerbros.

“Wah, this character is just shoehorned in!!”  Dude, the game isn’t even out yet and it seems to me that this lead will fit in perfectly.  You know, since he’s the lead and all.

“EMBRACE DIVERSITY. PREPARE YOUR CUCKSHED” Yes, because accepting a character that isn’t Grizzled Straight White Male with MANPAIN number 39023 is EXACTLY like watching one’s wife being fucked by another man.

Also, a whole host of harmless perverts called. They want their word back. What you’re doing to ‘cuck’ is just disgusting and twisted.

“It’s subtle propaganda…” Oooooh, how subtle.  One black lead today, ALL BLACK LEADS TOMORROW! MWAHAHAHAHA *lightening strike*

There was more, including the use of “dindus”, which should be written on a piece of paper and thrown into a bonfire, but my favorite was, “Black people don’t know how to use technology.”

I present my reaction in a series of pictures:

WIN_20160612_06_45_13_Pro (2)

Okay, on the serious, I’ve been sick of the fact that any part of my humanity being reflected on the media I consume is “pandering”. Fuck you. What a bunch of whiny babies, crying because some other kid got a cookie while they’re holding a jar full of ’em. And got the damn nerve to call us SJWs ‘sensitive’ and ‘offended easily’.

Oh, I’m sorry, it’s only being offended easily when it’s someone you don’t care for.  When it’s you, it’s a measured reasonable reaction. Heads, you win, tails I lose.

Well, guess what, buttercups, you better keep those hankies handy, because as game developers, both indie and the various As, start to recognize that they can do more than GSWMwM in their games, you’re going to be crying a lot more.

Because we’re winning.  And besides, you hypocrites, you’re going to buy and play the game anyway, because you’re a bunch of addicts who can’t even hold off on online preorders, even though they’re complete fucking toss and a waste of money and you whine about them every time (like, for example, the previous Watch_Dogs prerelease.  How you liking that ‘iconic’ cap?).

So, throw your tantrums, have your meltdowns. The rest of us, who just want a good game (without fucking Aiden that fucking unlikable no personality thug) are just sitting here like:




Oh Noes! Watch_Dogs 2 is RUUUUIIIINNNED!
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8 thoughts on “Oh Noes! Watch_Dogs 2 is RUUUUIIIINNNED!

  1. 1

    I watch Jimquisition and listen to Podquistion weekly along with Extra Credits and Feminist Frequency so I know a little bit about the video game culture community and the industry itself. Yet I don’t play many video games. I just have a few that I keep playing over and over. Go figure, I don’t get it either. Then I read about this and I’m a bit relieved my computer can’t handle these new games. I want variety in my protagonists. I want the industry and community to reach out and try to include more people. It’s the best way to see games expand and thrive.

    Yet there is so much whining about when someone other than a white guy is the main character that I just want to throw up my hands and say, “I am SO glad I’m not part of this band of idiots.” Crap like this keeps me away from wanting to be part of this community. It makes me get cynical and thing, “Maybe they know the game will be a flop so they made the protagonist a black guy so that when this self-fulfilling prophesy comes true they have a scapegoat. They could say, ‘See! This is what happens when you put a minority on the cover! We should stick with Well-Muscled Manly White Guys ™!’” It’s like the new Ghostbusters movie. I don’t know if it will be good or bad, but if it’s bad we both know who the MRAs are going to blame.

    Just give me my Civ 6 and Master of Orion. Oh and a new gaming rig so I can give Skyrim HD a whirl. Either that or I give up on video games and focus on my writing.

    1. 1.1

      Two things
      1) Please don’t use “idiot” here.
      2) HELL YES TO EVERYTHING ELSE HERE. I can’t afford to buy every game out there, and frankly, not every game out there is my jam. But I try to stay on top of the news and controversies and stuff as well, and frankly, I’ve gone to just saying “Gamers ruin everything. Including games”.

      1. 1) I’ll do my best not to use that word here.
        2) Don’t forget how some people get upset over gaming reviews and how mad they can get if their new favorite game doesn’t get a perfect score. We have to accept that a game/book/TV show is going to have flaws and not be for everyone.

        1. 1. Thanks!

          Don’t even get me started on folks getting their undies in a twist about review scores. So what if a game you like gets a 7/10? Did you like it? Watched some Let’s Plays of the game and liked what you saw? Then what’s the fucking problem?
          Ugh, this hobby needs an enema.

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