Others can tackle the far deeper issue of deliberate gun violence and mass shootings and all that. I want to tackle something that frankly sounds simpler: Gun Failure. Or Failure to Gun Properly.
Most people, whether you’ve handled a gun yourself or not (for the record, I have. I’ve even fired a few), know at the very least rule one of gun safety reads something like “Don’t point it at anything you don’t want destroyed”. Then there’s “Assume all guns are loaded”, and “Put the safety on if you’re not going to shoot something”, and “GET YOUR FUCKING FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER, SPARKY!”
So basic, yet we get story after story of people who apparently never got the fucking memo, some to very tragic ends. That is, to other people. If you fuck up and put a gun to your head assuming it’s not loaded and splatter your brains all over the place, that’s on you, boo-boo, it’s what you get for losing a game of Russian Roulette vs. Common Sense.
Then there’s those special snowflakes who treat having a gun as “how we get our way” when their life is inconvenienced in some way (your fries were cold, you got your stuff checked before you could leave the store, someone cut you off in traffic, you don’t like the person your kid is dating for reasons other than abuse). One of my favorite web shows, What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?, has this quote that I’ve been using in these cases: “A gun is not a remote control for life”. This is poor gun responsibility and Gun Fail.
Here is my proposal to handle such issues of Gun Fail:
If you can’t handle a gun properly, you should get your license revoked and must report to some-fucking-where with all of the guns you have that are capable of being fired (so no, no one’s coming after Great Great Grandpa Magnum’s old rabbit huntin’ rifle or your collection of muskets from the Great War of Eighteen Twenty-Who Gives A Fuck) to give them up. This period could last for months, for years, forever, whatever, make it ramp up with the offense.
- You point that fucker at someone and are “surprised” when there’s a bullet in the chamber and it shoots that someone? Revoked. Also charged with whatever other crime is applicable here.
- You leave it where a kid could get their hands on it and shoot someone/themselves? REVOKED. Also arrested and charged with negligence at the very fucking least. And don’t give me that “their parents suffered enough” bullshit. You know who’s suffering more? The dead kid and/or the kid who shot said kid.
- You stick the fucker in your pants or waistband or whatever and shoot yourself and LIVE? Revoked.
- You use the fucker like a remote control for life. REVOKED.
- You do any of this shit and are a member of law enforcement or the military? REVOKED, FIRED, NEVER ALLOWED TO WORK IN THAT CAPACITY EVER AGAIN. Talk about supposed to know fucking better. Also, if you’re in the military, current or vet, your commanding officer pays you a visit to bawl your ass out.
I could go on.
Is this a very, very simplistic idea? Yup. It would need a lot more work, probably suited for people who know more about logistics than I. Would this stop mass murders? Nope. Could someone still get their hands on a gun anyway? Of course the fuck they can, don’t even TRY to insult my intelligence by assuming I don’t fucking know that. People get their hands on guns illegally all the fucking time. That’s already a crime, last I checked.
But damnit, it could at least make some of these “responsible” gun owners actually accountable, or think for a second, or even ACT like responsible gun owners I know, the ones who treat the fuckers like the lethal instruments they are.
Fewer Gun Fail would be good for everyone, as far as I’m concerned.