How To Treat Gun Fail

Others can tackle the far deeper issue of deliberate gun violence and mass shootings and all that.  I want to tackle something that frankly sounds simpler: Gun Failure.  Or Failure to Gun Properly.

Most people, whether you’ve handled a gun yourself or not (for the record, I have.  I’ve even fired a few), know at the very least rule one of gun safety reads something like “Don’t point it at anything you don’t want destroyed”. Then there’s “Assume all guns are loaded”, and “Put the safety on if you’re not going to shoot something”, and “GET YOUR FUCKING FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER, SPARKY!”

So basic, yet we get story after story of people who apparently never got the fucking memo, some to very tragic ends. That is, to other people. If you fuck up and put a gun to your head assuming it’s not loaded and splatter your brains all over the place, that’s on you, boo-boo, it’s what you get for losing a game of Russian Roulette vs. Common Sense.

Then there’s those special snowflakes who treat having a gun as “how we get our way” when their life is inconvenienced in some way (your fries were cold, you got your stuff checked before you could leave the store, someone cut you off in traffic, you don’t like the person your kid is dating for reasons other than abuse).  One of my favorite web shows, What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?, has this quote that I’ve been using in these cases: “A gun is not a remote control for life”. This is poor gun responsibility and Gun Fail.

Here is my proposal to handle such issues of Gun Fail:

If you can’t handle a gun properly, you should get your license revoked and must report to some-fucking-where with all of the guns you have that are capable of being fired (so no, no one’s coming after Great Great Grandpa Magnum’s old rabbit huntin’ rifle or your collection of muskets from the Great War of Eighteen Twenty-Who Gives A Fuck) to give them up. This period could last for months, for years, forever, whatever, make it ramp up with the offense.

 

  • You point that fucker at someone and are “surprised” when there’s a bullet in the chamber and it shoots that someone? Revoked. Also charged with whatever other crime is applicable here.
  • You leave it where a kid could get their hands on it and shoot someone/themselves? REVOKED. Also arrested and charged with negligence at the very fucking least. And don’t give me that “their parents suffered enough” bullshit. You know who’s suffering more?  The dead kid and/or the kid who shot said kid.
  • You stick the fucker in your pants or waistband or whatever and shoot yourself and LIVE? Revoked.
  • You use the fucker like a remote control for life. REVOKED.
  • You do any of this shit and are a member of law enforcement or the military? REVOKED, FIRED, NEVER ALLOWED TO WORK IN THAT CAPACITY EVER AGAIN.  Talk about supposed to know fucking better. Also, if you’re in the military, current or vet, your commanding officer pays you a visit to bawl your ass out.

 

I could go on.

Is this a very, very simplistic idea? Yup.  It would need a lot more work, probably suited for people who know more about logistics than I. Would this stop mass murders? Nope. Could someone still get their hands on a gun anyway? Of course the fuck they can, don’t even TRY to insult my intelligence by assuming I don’t fucking know that. People get their hands on guns illegally all the fucking time.  That’s already a crime, last I checked.

But damnit, it could at least make some of these “responsible” gun owners actually accountable, or think for a second, or even ACT like responsible gun owners I know, the ones who treat the fuckers like the lethal instruments they are.

Fewer Gun Fail would be good for everyone, as far as I’m concerned.

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How To Treat Gun Fail
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9 thoughts on “How To Treat Gun Fail

  1. 1

    Won’t stop mass murders, but we have GOT to see increased gun safety. The number of TODDLERS shooting people every year in the United States is absolutely shocking. There is NO REASON why a child should be able to get their hands on a gun, much less one not yet old enough for kindergarten. It is beyond unacceptable to leave any weapon of any kind in the reach of a toddler.

  2. 2

    I would include no longer counting anything as an “accidental” shooting unless it can be shown the gun was fired without the trigger being pulled as well as gun owners being responsible for what the gun does as well as whoever is handling it at the time.

  3. 3

    I think it is exactly as simplistic/complicated as it needs to be. Bullets are, for all of their small size, so extremely blunt in their effect that the consequences need to be just as blunt. I carried a handgun daily for 13 months. It was on my hip or near to hand for as close to 24 hours a day as possible. No children in my home, which helps a lot. No accidental shooting of the gun either, and not by accident or magic. One of the things I’ve notices about “gun fail” stories is how people treat A HANDGUN like it is a toy, rather than a machine made for killing other human beings. That’s including law enforcement and military. Modern firearms really don’t “just go off” unless they are extremely cheap, or in most cases you’ve done something amazingly foolish and you keep doing it over and over again until the law of averages catches up with you.

  4. 4

    People get their hands on guns illegally all the fucking time. That’s already a crime, last I checked

    People also get their hands on motor vehicles illegally, but for some reason I don’t see “but illegal drivers” used as a deflection away from, say, drunk or distracted driving. I don’t see anyone up in a rage about people who drive irresponsibly enough to endanger lives having their driving privileges revoked– or even about having to apply for a license in the first place. Most people want well trained drivers on, and dangerous drivers off, the road so that everyone else can get around more safely. You’d think similar logic would apply regarding guns. You’d think.

  5. 5

    This period could last for months, for years, forever, whatever, make it ramp up with the offense.

    This is the only part I have a problem with. I see no reason anyone should get a second chance at it. As far as I am concerned 1 negligent discharge (there is no other kind of ‘accidental’ discharge) should mean that person loses all their guns forever and will never be allowed to own or even touch one again as long as they live.

  6. 7

    I think your rules are too lax
    The first problem is that most people shouldn’t have a gun to start with. You don’t need one the same way you need a car.
    Then you only want the licence revoked when the horrible thing has happened. If a child get their hands on a gun I don’t care if something happened. It was just luck nothing happened. You have already demonstrated that you are not to be trusted with a gun. You don’t say “oh, you drove home with a blood alcohol of 1.4 0/00 but nothing happened so it’s OK.

    Then there’s those special snowflakes who treat having a gun as “how we get our way” when their life is inconvenienced in some way (your fries were cold, you got your stuff checked before you could leave the store, someone cut you off in traffic, you don’t like the person your kid is dating for reasons other than abuse).

    That’s one of the reasons I will probably never visit the States. Too many guys with anger management issues all over the world. Add guns the way you can buy candy and you have a recipe for disaster.
    Recently my husband had the uncomfortable experience of someone feeling slighted in traffic by him. At the next stop he got out of the car and hit against the car. What keeps a lot of people from hitting others is the good chance to be hit back (I remember an incident as a child where someone grabbed my dad by the collar though the open car window. He then looked at the amount of man attached to the head, let go and left). A gun takes the risk away. You just shoot them, no risk for yourself.

    1. 7.1

      Too lax? Definitely.

      But I live in a country where people cling to as many guns as they can like I cling to anything with a skull motif on it. And it’s written in our founding documents, which are forever unchangeable despite the founding fathers never knowing about automatic weapons, armor piercing bullets, toaster ovens and the Internet.

      If only the 2nd Amendment gave us the right to bear skulls.

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