TBT: When Kinksters Don’t Want To Risk ANYTHING

Throwback Thursday posts are posts I have previously written on other sites. They are reposted here sometimes on Thursdays. This post was originally posted on Queereka on 8/20/2013.

CN: Transphobia

Recently someone on Fetlife in the Minnesota kink scene posted a proposed draft of advice for how newbies should attend a munch. In the kink world a munch is a casual public gathering of kinky people for conversation and socialization. It usually takes place in a restaurant, coffee shop, or bar. Generally they are open to anyone and are often the first thing new people do when entering the kinky scene because they are fairly non-threatening and have a very low bar of entry.

When discussing the most conservative level of expected attire the proposed advice was the following (emphasis mine):

“Conservative dress that won’t attract unwanted attention from the vanillas. This means no stereotypical fetish or dungeonesque clothing or handcuffs. Any visible collar should pass as jewelry. You can cover a collar with a scarf or perhaps a turtleneck. No Fetishwear. No latex clothing. Some leather clothing may be okay as long as you aren’t covered from head to toe. We don’t also want it to look like a biker convention. No corsets worn on the outside. No littles wear. No ageplay clothing. No visible diapers. No pony play costumes. No puppy play costumes. No furry costumes, etc. No t-shirts with offensive or suggestive slogans. No Ballet Boots. In the case of crossdressers, if you don’t pass, don’t crossdress. Don’t showup in a sequined dress looking like a flamboyant glammed up drag queen. In the case of genderfluid, genderqueer, and transgender people, do your best to pass. The point is for everyone to blend in as best they can. This is NOT the place for social protest.“

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TBT: When Kinksters Don’t Want To Risk ANYTHING

Where To See Benny!

I’m in the midst of finals right now, so it will be a few more days until I have anything of substance here, but I wanted to let you all know there are some upcoming events you can see me at!

Twisted Tryst is a kinky, sexy, and clothing optional camping events June 9th to the 12th in Indiana. There is a second event in August in Michigan which I highly recommend, but am not 100% confirmed for yet. I will be attending and on staff, but not speaking or teaching this year. We get up to all kinds of shenanigans at camp! This camp is not an overtly social justice space, but there are enclaves of SJ people and radical inclusivity is at the core of Tryst’s mission. It is also definitely not an atheist space (in fact, it’s pretty heavy on spiritual woo) but I’ve always been accepted there as a woo-free atheist anyway. There are still spaces available for more campers and the very NSFW link is here.

Debauchery is a kinky, sexy, and social justice friendly hotel event in North Carolina June 17-19. I previously wrote about this event here. On the 18th I will be presenting a workshop called “Non-Monogamy Without Negotiations.” Getting tickets at this point might be hard, as they’re sold out, but it is sometimes possible to get one transferred if someone else needs to give up their space so email the organizers if you want to attend this. Their text only (no sexy pictures) website is here.

CONvergence is a science fiction/fantasy/geek/skepticism/awesomeness convention on June 30th to July 3rd near Minneapolis Minnesota. I will be on five panels: Science of Sexual Fluidity, Spoilers: A Love-Hate Relationship, Consent Culture in Steven Universe, Ingress Strategy, and Gasoline Is So Last Century. I will also definitely be cosplaying. I love CONvergence and I’m thrilled to return this year.

I hear some sort of rumor about an online OrbitCon coming before my fall classes start… 😉

Finally, I will be attending Skepticon on November 11th to 13th in Springfield Missouri. Skepticon is a free skeptics convention with a heavy social justice bent. I attended last year and wrote about my experience. I’m not speaking or running workshops or anything, I just look forward to seeing awesome people and enjoying being in such a great space again.

That’s it for now! I hope many of you will make it to at least one of these events. If you do, say hi as long as I am wearing no communication badge, or a green one. I really love the communication badge system and some of these events use them, which is fantastic.

Where To See Benny!

Nudity and the Desexualization of Bodies

CN: Discussions of sexuality and naked bodies, kink.

We’ve been hearing a lot lately from conservatives who want to restrict trans people’s access to bathrooms and locker rooms, who want to ban breastfeeding in public, and enforce “modest” attire on women and girls. All of these issues involve the connection, in the mind of conservatives, that nudity and bodies are inherently sexual. They see the bare shoulders of a teenage girl, the breast feeding a child, and the process of changing clothes, as somehow being sexually charged and attempt to create rules based on that. On the other hand, actually spending time with naked people demonstrates how quickly bodies can stop feeling so inherently sexual.
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Nudity and the Desexualization of Bodies

The North Carolina Kink Event Doing It Right

CN: Transphobia, HB2, politics, BDSM, kink. Text only, no images, nothing explicit at all.

Several years ago I called for kink events to start using harassment policies, much like conferences in the SF/F world, the skeptical community, and other communities were at the time. Those policies have become more common since then, and are expected by many to exist at the events they go to.

Unfortunately, the kink community has largely ignored calls for formal and enforceable harassment policies. Instead, many events and clubs have a “If you have a problem come talk to the organizers about it and we’ll maybe do something.” This process doesn’t work, has never worked, and isn’t going to start working any time soon.

However, there are a few events getting this right. For several years one of those events has been Debauchery in North Carolina. It is run by a couple named Sysiphe and Nullmoniker. Full disclosure: They are very good friends of mine, I have spoken at this event before, and I intend to again this year.
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The North Carolina Kink Event Doing It Right