“If I can’t have you, then…”

Dear readers-close your eyes for a moment. I want you to imagine yourself as someone different. Imagine for a second (ok, a little longer than a second), that you are a 24-year-old man. A 24-year-old heterosexual man.  A 24-year-old heterosexual man named Colin Kingston who works at GNC and aspires to be a businessman. You (well, you-as-Colin) have been dating a young woman (Kelsey Annese) for the last three years. Recently however, Kelsey broke up with you. Now, after three years, you-Colin Kingston-have obviously invested a lot in this relationship, so this breakup is devastating to you. You feel lost. You don’t know what to do. You need options. What options do you have?

  • learn to crochet
  • drown your sorrows in alcohol (since you won’t be drinking responsibly, get a buddy or call a cab)
  • go skydiving
  • take off work for a weekend, buy a gallon of ice cream and chocolate and binge eat while watching the favorite rom-coms you and your ex used to watch together
  • cry yourself to sleep for a week listening to Celine Dion’s ‘My heart will go on’
  • join a gym
  • delete her phone number, lose her address, and throw away all pictures of the two of you
  • buy an 8-ball and spend the weekend cleaning your house
  • tell your co-workers that they can take the week off and that you’ll work the next 66 hours by yourself, figuring that if you throw yourself into work, you can take your mind off her
  • take a vacation
  • go to Vegas
  • climb a mountain
  • run for public office (unless your idol is Donald Trump or Ted Cruz or, really, any of the Republican shitheads vying for the nomination)
  • decide to move on and hit the club with your buddies

Now, this is the point where you can open your eyes (although I guess you wouldn’t have been able to read all of the above with your eyes closed). Why? Because while YOU, dear reader, might have chosen any of the above (or something else completely), the real Colin Kingston did not make any of those choices. No, the real Colin Kingston decided to be a murderous shithead.

Continue reading ““If I can’t have you, then…””

“If I can’t have you, then…”

Some methods of parenting should be criticized

As a gay man who has never had sex with a woman, I live a childfree existence. That means I lack the perspective parents have on raising kids. For a long time, I felt that my complete ignorance of raising children meant that I couldn’t weigh in on matters of child-rearing. After all, I thought, if I’ve never changed a diaper (and HELLO, I just now realized that I have never changed one; I’ll have to double check with my parents to be sure, as its possible I may have helped change my sisters diaper when she was a baby and I simply forgot), how can I weigh in on how much time a child should be able to use social media in a given week? How much can my opinion count when I’ve never had to deal with a child acting out in public? What the fuck do I know if I’ve never had to deal with a shoplifting teenager? But here’s the thing: my lack of experience as a parent does not preclude my commenting on the treatment of children. I’m not talking about offering my opinion on how many times a day a child should eat, or how many hours of television they should be able to watch per week, or even the appropriate age to talk to them about sex. I’m talking about discussing matters that can have negative physical, psychological, or emotional effects on children.

Continue reading “Some methods of parenting should be criticized”

Some methods of parenting should be criticized

Irresponsible Gun Owner Link Round Up 10.28.14

Florida man ‘lucky he didn’t kill somebody’ trying out concrete-piercing rifle ammo downtown

According to WESH, Orlando city leaders received video from a whistleblower of a man target practicing in a building that Crusader’s Contracting was hired to demolish. The whistleblower said that his boss “had many guns on the job site and would frequently shoot things in the basement and other areas in the building.”

Detectives were “working to figure out charges, if any,” an Orlando Police Department spokesperson told WESH. “At best, they will have Improper Exhibition. Punishable by up to 1 year in jail.”

Zach Hudson of Defensive Tactics Solutions, who spent 30 years as a police officer, pointed out that firing this type of weapon in an urban setting was extremely dangerous.

“[It is] very, very foolish,” Hudson remarked after seeing the video. “He is lucky he didn’t kill somebody.”

“This is a military grade weapon. This is a round designed to travel up to 800 meters. You are talking about a round that can go through concrete.”

Hudson also observed that the firing rate of the rifle suggested that it had been modified to be fully automatic.

“If those weapons has been modified in any way that becomes a federal crime,” he said.

I’d like to know how this guy obtained a military grade weapon, and why he thought he needed it. So many gun owners will claim they need guns to protect themselves or their families, but these people are not serving in the military or living in a warzone. They don’t need powerful equipment like this.  What’s the limit on weapons like this? The NRA wants no limits on the type of guns people can possess, but how far will they take that?  Should everyone be allowed to own their own ICBM? Should we all be allowed to own a tactical nuke?  That’s the logical implication of arguing that people ought to be able to arm themselves. If you don’t think people should be able to own a nuke, you need to explain why they can’t have it, but can have other weapons. This applies all the way down to a simple handgun.

* * * *

Indiana dad cleaning gun shoots 9-month-old son in the head, and himself in the leg

WTHR reported that 31-year-old John Hambaugh, III, was in his kitchen cleaning his gun on Wednesday when the weapon discharged. The round traveled through Hambaugh’s left thigh and into his 9-month-old son’s head, who was thought to be standing next to his father.

Neighbor Dawn Crecelius recalled that she felt helpless when the child’s mother ran out of the home with the boy.

“She was screaming, ‘He shot my baby! He shot my baby!’ and she was cradling the baby,” Crecelius said. “What do you do? What do you do? Cause there’s– you can’t fix that. You can’t help that. If he’s choking, you can help that. If he’s cut, you can help that. You can’t help a baby that’s been shot in the head.”

Hambaugh and his 9-month-old son were transported to Community Howard Regional Hospital in Kokomo. Hambaugh was expected to make a full recovery, but the child was listed in critical condition on Thursday.

* * * *

 A 3 year old Montana child is dead because of an irresponsible gun owner 

NBC Montana reports that Galen Hawk was charged on Friday with negligent homicide after killing Lonato Moran-Allen on Wednesday night. Bail has been set at $100,000.

According to court documents, Moran-Allen was pretending to shoot Hawk with a toy gun as he ran away inside of a Ninepipes-area home. Hawk reportedly pointed his handgun at Moran-Allen in response and the gun went off killing the boy.

According to Hawk, he didn’t think his gun was loaded and that he and the boy had only been “playing.” Hawk told investigators that he had spent the evening drinking whiskey and alcoholic lemonade prior to the shooting.

Following the shooting, Hawk attempted CPR on the boy  before rushing him to a hospital in Ronan where he was later died.

That poor young boy. He’s dead because this asshole treated a gun like it’s a toy and irresponsibly failed to ensure it wasn’t loaded.  Sadly, our culture teaches people that guns are fun and they’re toys to play with. Plus there are no requirements to be trained in the use of guns before purchasing them.

* * * *

“A young guy with a gun who doesn’t care about life.”

30 year old Perla Aviva and her husband had a regular every other Sunday routine.  Posole with the Raiders game. Tragically, this routine came to an end recently, after a gunman took the life of Aviva:

The tradition ended tragically this past weekend as the couple was returning home from Supermercado Mi Tierra on International Boulevard, about a mile from their East Oakland home. Police say an angry motorist sprayed gunfire into their black 1998 Toyota Camry, hitting 30-year-old Avina in the head as she sat in the front passenger seat.

Panicked, Gallegos drove the few short blocks to their Brookfield Village home to call for help, but Avina died in their driveway. A medical receptionist, Avina was the mother of four children ages 1 to 14.

“He was a coward with a gun,” 33-year-old Gallegos said with heavy eyes on Monday as he stared at the bullet-riddled Camry in their driveway. “A young guy with a gun who doesn’t care about life.”  As of Monday, police continued to hunt for the shooter and were trying to gather a description of the suspect and the suspect’s car.  The shooting happened about 12:30 p.m. as the couple drove in the southbound lanes of 98th Avenue, somewhere between the 400 to 600 blocks, police said.  Gallegos said details about what led up to the shooting were foggy, but he recalled another motorist not liking the way he drove and subsequent shots fired as the couple’s car was moving. When he realized his wife had been shot, he drove the short distance to their house, where authorities later responded and pronounced her dead, police said.

“I came to my home because I needed someone to call officers,” Gallegos said. A neighbor, Dwayne Jackson, 54, was standing outside across the street from the family’s home when Gallegos’ Camry sped by him.

“He pulled up really abrupt, halfway in the driveway and called to me,” Jackson said. “He said, ‘D, call 911. My wife’s been shot.’ We pulled her out of the car and I started giving her CPR, but I pretty much knew she was gone.”

This simultaneously saddens and angers me.  It saddens me because this woman, who was just trying to live her life and enjoy herself and her family, had her very existence snuffed out because of an irresponsible gun owner.  It saddens me because her husband and her four children will never know her loving embrace or hear her voice again. It angers me, bc yet again, someone had their hands on a weapon that should not have. It angers me, bc yet again, someone decided to take their anger and rage out on others through violent, and lethal means.  It also saddens and angers me bc this shit keeps happening. Again and again and again and again and again.  People are injured, maimed, and killed in tragedies like this. Lives are irrevocably shattered and lost.  Because of irresponsible gun owners. Because of a culture that glorifies guns. Because of a culture that fetishizes guns. Because of a culture that refuses to engage with the fact that gun violence permeates our society.


 * * * *

It’s depressingly easy to find cases of irresponsible gun owners.  The Florida man who shot his pregnant wife in the back of the head and claimed self-defense, only to reveal that he wanted to kill her is the latest example of someone who should never have been allowed to own a gun:

Investigators determined that an argument between Sinclair and his wife began at around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday in their bedroom. The suspect said that he had thrown his wife’s phone into the toilet, and she had chased him around the house with a kitchen knife.

But Sinclair said that the victim could not catch him, so she locked herself in the bedroom. He explained how he retrieved a gun from underneath a recliner in the living room, and went to the bedroom to confront her. The argument escalated, until Sinclair said that Argrett lunged at him with the knife.

He pulled the trigger, and she fell to the floor. But she got up again, so he shot her in the head, he told investigators. Sinclair then waited three hours before notifying police.

Detectives, however, said that Argrett had sustained a gunshot wound to the back of her head at close range.

After admitting that he wanted to kill his wife, Sinclair was charged with first-degree premeditated murder, murder of an unborn child and tampering with evidence.

I will say this though: that charge of “murder of an unborn child” is bullshit.  People get murdered. Fetuses do not.


Irresponsible Gun Owner Link Round Up 10.28.14

Survivor Stories: Kate Ranta

The United States has an epidemic of gun violence.  Each year, more than 30,000 people are killed by firearms.  More than half of those are the result of firearm related suicides.  Discussions about gun control often center on reducing the numbers of firearm related deaths.  Lost in that discussion, however, is that many people have had their lives irrevocably altered by firearms.  They may not have died, but they have been affected by the gun violence in the US.  Here is the story of one such survivor, Kate Ranta:

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Survivor Stories: Kate Ranta

Domestic Violence and the NFL

Domestic violence is a horrible crime that occurs everywhere-from Smalltown, USA to San Francisco, CA. Domestic violence is committed by people from all walks of life-teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicans, nurses, scientists, chefs, cashiers, celebrities*, restaurant employees, and as has become more apparent over the years-members of the NFL.  Ray Rice, Kevin Williams, Santonio Holmes, Frostee Rucker, Randy Starks, Brandon Marshall, Cary Williams, Tony McDaniel, Chris Cook, Erik Walden, Dez Bryant, Daryl Washington, A.J. Jefferson, Greg Hardy, and Ray McDonald are 15 examples, but there are likely more (and that’s just the NFL-I know on the college level there are likely a great many; and that’s just one sport**). While both women and men can be the victims of domestic violence, women are at greater risk of homicide by an intimate partner than men.  Annually more than 4 million women experience domestic violence.  Also, men and women are not the only ones affected by domestic violence.  More than 3 million children a year witness domestic violence at home and those children living in such homes face a greater risk of child abuse and neglect. (source)

Let me drive the severity of this problem home even further:

The Consequences

  • According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

  • In New York City, 25% of homeless heads of household became homeless due to domestic violence.

  • Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.

  • Domestic violence contributes to poor health for many survivors.  For example, chronic conditions like heart disease or gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to domestic violence.

  • Among women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence, most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured because of domestic violence.

  • Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.

  • Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.

  • Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.


Perhaps one of the scariest facts about domestic violence is this: most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police (source).

Continue reading “Domestic Violence and the NFL”

Domestic Violence and the NFL

The NFL gets a stern talking to

Anheuser-Busch gave the NFL a stern talking to:

Anheuser-Busch — the top spender in the past five Super Bowls — today issued a statement about that NFL sponsorship as reports of domestic abuse charges against league players keep piling up:

“We are disappointed and increasingly concerned by the recent incidents that have overshadowed this NFL season,” A-B said. “We are not yet satisfied with the league’s handling of behaviors that so clearly go against our own company culture and moral code. We have shared our concerns and expectations with the league.

That’s a whole lot of, well, nothing.  “Bad NFL”-that’s what it amounts to.  If they wanted to actually show that they’re serious about the way the NFL is handling the behaviors of their players-threaten them with no longer sponsoring the NFL.  Barring that, they could give money-a lot of it-to a charity in the name of ending domestic violence.


Domestic violence is a serious matter.   It directly affects the victims-women, children, and men on emotional, psychological, physical, financial, and spiritual levels.  It affects the wider culture bc the victims and the perpetrators are connected to the rest of us.  If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic violence, The National Domestic Violence Hotline may be able to help.

For over 17 years, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has been the vital link to safety for women, men, children and families affected by domestic violence. With the help of our dedicated advocates and staff, we respond to calls 24/7, 365 days a year.

We provide confidential, one-on-one support to each caller and chatter, offering crisis intervention, options for next steps and direct connection to sources for immediate safety. Our database holds over 5,000 agencies and resources in communities all across the country. Bilingual advocates are on hand to speak with callers, and our Language Line offers translations in 170 different languages.

The hotline is an excellent source of help for concerned friends, family, co-workers and others seeking information and guidance on how to help someone they know. We work to educate communities all over through events, campaigns, and dynamic partnerships with companies ranging from The Avon Foundation to Verizon. Today, the hotline is continuing to grow and explore new avenues of service.

You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

They also have a live chat available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Whether you call or chat, they work to ensure your safety is of utmost importance.  All calls and chats are completely confidential.



The NFL gets a stern talking to