Speakeasy #14

Welcome to the social thread at the Progressive Pub. Here at the Speakeasy, you can metaphorically put your feet up, grab a virtual beverage from your resident bartender (me), and socialize with the regulars. Gab, share recipes, share news, rage about your problems or the problems of the world, discuss impending vacations, share book recommendations, talk about your jobs and your families, your hopes and dreams, and pretty much anything else you want. Everyone is welcome, just be kind to one another.

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Speakeasy #14
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391 thoughts on “Speakeasy #14

  1. 8

    Hi hi Anne!

    Also, Dali, I wanted to express knowing sympathy about your job search issues with transphobic assholes. When I first transitioned in 1992, my last job refused to give me a reference because “nobody named Cait has worked here” – nice (not) to know transphobia is still in effect. Fistbump of solidarity, sister. I hope you find something asshole-free soon.

  2. 10

    Re:my mother
    She didn’t take it as badly as she could have, and we’re going with a combination of her buying stuff for me and financing some of my own purchases. She’s also doing a lot of passive aggressive cis bullshit, which I’m just putting up with because at least she’s trying.

    I kind of understand her demand to have some input into what clothes she pays for, but at the same time, I don’t actually like her taste in clothes very much, and she’s not very good at listening to what I do want. And also just being kind of controlling, and it’s pissing me off. Particularly, she seems fixated for some reason on the idea that I need jeans and slacks.

  3. 11

    *gentle pounce hug* to CaitieCat.

    I managed to drag myself from the pillow fort long enough to play the concert. I’m now back in the fort eating chocolate – thanks Giliell

  4. rq
    12

    Dalillama
    Well, for practical purposes, a pair of jeans and a pair of slacks are reasonable things to have… but it seems like your mum, in trying to help, is fixated on other things socially defined by clothing. Anyway, good luck with everything, and I hope her bullshit tones down with time.
    *hugs*

    Cait
    Me mum has had both of her hips done (in titanium!) and she says it’s fantastic.
    Also I keep rereading your comment above (previous speakeasy) that references me and I keep blushing. ♥ You’re not so bad yourself, dear friend.

    General *higs* and *hugs* to everyone else.

    It seems Eldest just had a mystery illness, possibly stress-based, though who really knows. He’s fine now, after an additional ultrasound at the children’s hospital this morning.
    Me, I’ve got a serious case of the dropsies today (dropped a 90-sample plate full of reference samples; dropped a beaker of Wash Buffer A all over my notes; dropped a box of database swabs with assorted paperwork; dropped my cake; etc. …), so I’ve put off any delicate hand-eye-co-ordinated work until tomorrow. My colleagues blame the full moon; I think I’m just tired from working the weekend.

  5. 13

    rq, perhaps Mercury is in retrograde again. [hugs]

    Dalillama, glad your mom is starting to come around, sorry it’s taking so long. [Hugs offered]

    Hugs for all and sundry. It’s raining here. Actual measurable the newspaper was papier-mâché in a bag rain. From here it doesn’t look like more than half an inch in the rain gauge, but that’s still more than we’ve had this year.

  6. 14

    *hugs* to all in the new thread.

    Speaking of rain, got enough over the weekend to remind me that I had NOT cleaned the gutters, so I got to go out in a downpour and unclog the front gutter so it would stop overflowing onto the porch.

    Guess what I’ll be doing on Sat.

  7. 15

    rq

    Well, for practical purposes, a pair of jeans and a pair of slacks are reasonable things to have

    Not for me they aren’t. Neither garment is a part of my wardrobe at present or in the foreseeable future. The cut of them does not do me any favors.

  8. 17

    Re: rain – y’all in ‘merica take care of ya’self, ya’hear?
    I hear the weather is particularly rough right now.

    Dalillama
    At least she met you half way on the financing front. Hopefully it’s a start of an improvement.

    rq
    It’s good that he’s better now. Sounds like you’ve also got a stress-related affliction.
    Take care!

    My cat, my 3.5kg cat, somehow managed to shit 0.5kg worth of manure all over the living room. I guess I understand why he was complaining the past week, but god damn. How did it even fit inside?!

  9. 19

    Alive.

    Caught the creeping crud, but I’m alive.

    Jedi-hugs to one and all, as I’m trying to not be that asshole that comes in with the sniffles and gives everyone the plague.

  10. rq
    21

    Dalillama

    Not for me they aren’t.

    My bad, then, sorry.

    chigau
    This isn’t the same, either.

    Anne and JimB
    Good luck with all that rain, I’m pretty sure it’ll head back our way in good time. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the nice crisp sunny autumn while the colours still last. 🙂

  11. 23

    Hullo and hugs all around

    Caitie
    Some names are very regional and “Hilke” is one of them. Others are generational (not a lot of people with my name age 60 or 16), others are social and so on.

    +++
    Yesterday was one of those days…
    First I got a message from Mr telling me he’s OK, because there was a terrible explosion at the chemical compound where he works. Then I call my mum in law to tell her and she tells me that she currently has the paramedics in the house because my dad in law possibly had a heart attack.
    That one turned thankfully out to be false alarm…

  12. 24

    You know what I like about my new job (even as today was damn stressful)?
    First, I work at SJW Centre. More or less. We’re the ones who make the integration of 1 million people happen. Among others, of course. But I can be pretty sure that my colleagues aren’t racist assholes and that we’Re on the same side.
    Second, part of our team are social workers. I know I speak fluent “teacherese”, my colleague E speaks fluent social worker, but that means she also looks out for the team, giving me some much needed reassurance to take it easy.
    Still, when I finally get that training position and they try to tell me about teaching in heterogeneous groups as if I had just finished university right after having graduated from very homogeneous high school, I’m probably going to fall over laughing.

  13. 25

    Sounds like a really good place to work, Giliell. Having a good environment and co-workers makes the stress a bit easier to handle – I know it does in my case anyway.

  14. 27

    Giliell
    Yay for the job working out well.

    rq
    Sounds like stress to me; I have the same problem at work when I’m stressed out (which is why I now have several healing burns on my right arm)

    WMDkitty
    Get well soon.

    Mom has come and gone, leaving me with several new sweater dresses and considerable annoyance. As predicted, she still consistently failed to address or refer to me correctly, while simultaneously gender policing like hell. A very stressful visit altogether, but at least I have something warmer to wear in the coming season.

  15. rq
    28

    Dalillama
    Aiee, heal fast!

    Giliell
    Yay for the job! I’m glad it all seems to be working out for the best for you.
    Also hooray on everyone being alright (explosions? heart attacks? eek?).

    AlexanderZ

    my 3.5kg cat, somehow managed to shit 0.5kg worth of manure

    The kids when they were babies were a constant source of surprise and astonishment for the very same reasons.

  16. 29

    I’m pleased the job is good Giliell . It sounds very worthwhile and satisfying.

    I’m tentatively poking my had out of the pillow fort. Is it safe to come out yet?

  17. 32

    Thanks everybody!
    Of course it would be asking too much if the job were decently, right? I mean, why must social service employers always be unsocial employers? And then they’re wondering why everybody only works there for short stints until something better comes up…

    Dalillama
    *hugs* Mothers can be complicated. I just hope I’ll never become like mine.

    bragimike
    Maybe take a quick walk in the autumn sun. I don’t think thing are getting much better in quite some time.

    +++
    Well, on Saturday it’s the little one’s birthday. I’m making rainbow cake. There’s going to be leftovers, I’m sure.

  18. 35

    bragimike, there’s always room in the pillow fort.

    I’ve been distracting Husband with baseball, but I think the playoffs may run out before the politics. Seriously, I recorded the game (Dodgers vs Cubbies) on debate night, and he spent the rest of the night happily going back and forth between baseball and debate analysis. I hid in the back of the house and put away laundry. Patches enjoyed my company, at least.

  19. 36

    Dalillama
    *hugs*

    rq

    The kids when they were babies were a constant source of surprise and astonishment for the very same reasons.

    Limitless power?
    In-depth research is needed.
    Grant request was sent.

    chigau

    This is not the same.

    True, but even way back then,
    it wasn’t quite the same.

    RTT:
    There is this one Russian-speaking TV channel that is aimed at Russians who have emigrated from Russia, mainly Russian Jews, which is extremely fond of Trump. A few days ago it aired an entire Trump speech unedited, that in addition to all the extra positive “news discussions” coverage that Trump gets there.
    That channel also supports Israeli settlements and considers Merkel a traitor for accepting Muslim immigrants in Germany.
    Say what you will about Trump, but apparently there is one group of immigrants that are really fond of him.

  20. rq
    37

    AlexanderZ

    Limitless power?

    There must be a way to connect the tide of shit to a mini-turbine that can provide energy for at least ten households.

  21. 38

    Alexander Z
    The attitudes of large parts of the Russian German community in the recent refugee debates have been more than infuriating. They came here 20-30 years ago not because they were fleeing a war, not because they were in danger, but just because they were seeking a better live. And I don’t begrudge them. And yes, because they were considered German, they actually got quite some benefits. Again, I don’t begrudge them.
    And they faced lots of xenophobia and envy and the usual talk of “there’s no money for us but they get everything”. And the rape and sexual abuse hype, of course. They were all part of the Russian Mafia out to kidnap innocent German girls and lock them up in brothels in Russia.
    And now they’re turning around and throw that same racism and false rumours against the recent refugees.
    They of all people should know better.

  22. rq
    40

    This is kind of a crosspost.
    In other words, here’s a thing that makes me cry. (More on the show itself here and here, more on the project and donating here.)

    +++

    *higs* and *hugs* to everyone!
    It is snowing somewhere in Latvia, but not here, not yet. This is a public service announcement: winter is coming to the northern hemisphere! To be honest, I’m not that surprised. Are you?

  23. 41

    giliell
    The Russian immigrants in Israel are also like that, but they’re “saved” from being full frontal settlers by them not being considered “Jewish” enough to be in any way accepted by the settlers.
    CaitieCat is right for most people, but with ex-Soviet immigrants the hateful hypocrisy is even more pronounced because it was taught and bred by the system. Often the only joy you could find was in the systems harming others as much as it harms you. That’s why Stalin is still so popular – some try to minimize his atrocities (a mirror image of holocaust denial from many neo-Nazis), but others accept his murders happily because they believe he was murdering everyone equally – the peasant and the Party elite alike.

    Octopus opens jar video.

  24. 44

    Alexander
    Nah, you get that attitude from other groups of immigrants as well. Like Italians of the first generation complaining about those damn foreigners.

    +++
    Anybody want some some cake?
    It was the little one’s birthday yesterday and I promised her a surprise cake.
    She was equally delighted and surprised. We also had pumpkin cupcakes, which the adults quite liked, as well as owl cupcakes and Frozen muffins.
    Of course it was way too much. My mum had promised the owl cupcakes and I don’t trust her to deliver on her promises so I made cupcakes as well. Though it would probably still have been enough if I’d stuck to the cake.

  25. rq
    50

    What do you call the opening of a teapot or water-boiler, the bit out of which you pour the liquid? I mean, on a teapot it is obviously longer and more obvious, while on a water-boiler it is less prominent. Do they still go by the same name? And what would it be?

  26. rq
    52

    wmdkitty
    According to sources, ‘spout’ is a little-known, obscure term that is not acceptable. 😛

    (I’m mostly wondering what (a) the common consensus is and (b) any alternatives are.)

  27. rq
    55

    Excuse the sarcasm, ‘sources’ are non-native English speakers who insist it is an obscure term rarely used and/or heard.

  28. 59

    rq
    That is definitely a spout. I know of no other word in English to describe such a thing. There’s even a nursery rhyme about what that’s called.

    @Sci-fi fans
    Sherri S Tepper has died. She was a fixture of science fiction for practically as long as I’ve been alive, and the world is a darker place now.

  29. rq
    60

    I was very sad yesterday to hear about Tepper. She was a major influence in my thinking throughout high school and university. Recently re-read Grass because I like that book a lot (not such a huge fan of third in that series). I will miss her. 2016 continues to suck; a Trump presidency would be the crown of all sucks.

  30. 61

    *waves*

    I try to at least skim comments regularly, but since I don’t comment immediately I tend to forget what I wanted to respond to.

    Life is. That’s about it.

  31. 62

    *Waves*
    Yes, that life thing. Work is pretty stressful at the moment. We would need to be 5 teachers to cover all classes. We are only 4, which means we are stretched thin already. This week 2 colleagues were sick. And if your work is people, you cannot just let it rest until the colleagues come back.
    Also, two of the guys tried to solve their differences with their fists. Thankfully the rest of the guys separated them, because it took six of them to do so.

  32. 63

    *waves* I went out and frivolled this morning. Drove to Fullerton, went to the places I’ve been trying to visit for weeks. My favorite little thrift shop is out of business, alas, but I had fun at the friends of the library bookshop, so that made up for it. So there life.

    Husband is making chicken soup from scratch today. Starting with a drive to an Asian market two towns over for beef soup bones to make stock. It keeps him out of mischief, I guess, and the results are generally edible. It’s almost worth the greasy mess I get to clean up after.

    Hugs for all, and probably some soup later on.

  33. 64

    *waves* Hi all. Just focusing on work (busy) and the World Series (Chicago-native, Cubs-fan). Also hoping to “fast-forward” to Nov 9.

  34. 65

    I think rq has it right – a spout only applies for retro teapot design where that part of the teapot elongates out of it. The modern teapot/whatever usually just has an oddly shaped opening, making “nozzle” or “lip” a better descriptor.
    However, my English is abysmal so…

  35. 66

    Wait, it just hit me – I probably have the same understanding of English as rq‘s acquaintances and I’m also Slavic just as they are. That’s why we don’t like the word “spout”!

  36. 67

    AlexanderZ
    While I suppose it could technically be described as a nozzle, I have never heard an English speaker do so. Hubby says he’s met one such person though, so I suppose it might occur in some regional dialect. Also, all the teapots I see for sale still have long spouts; the ones with little lips are usually billed as coffeepots IME.

  37. 73

    Cultural anthropology question … for the heck of it– (though I could use a $1,000, Alex).
    Question: Can you be truly anti-social AND use a smiley face ? [Inquiring minds want to know.]

  38. 74

    bluentx:
    I think so. To me, being anti-social means not wanting to be in certain social settings or situations. It doesn’t mean you’re unfriendly, unkind, or lack a sense of humor.

  39. 75

    *waves* to bluentx

    Agree with Tony – I’m experiencing a similar feeling. I don’t mind interacting on-line and 1:1 in person, but large groups not so much lately. I actually skipped a group-of-friends lunch yesterday because of it (work was busy as well but I can usually manage around that).

    In short, yes. 🙂

  40. 76

    rq
    You never told us you could draw so well!
    I like it and I like the improved version at Caine’s too.

    Hi, bluentx!

    Can you be truly anti-social AND use a smiley face?

    Yes, but you have to be extremely sarcastic with your smileys 😛

  41. 77

    bluentx
    *pouncehugs*
    Good to see you again!

    +++
    What a week. It’s considered a heavy teaching load when a full time teacher teaches 20 hours a week (the rest being preparation etc.). Me, I work 30 hours a week. Yesterday evening I had 24 hours of teaching for that week. And it will get better because i’ll work full time for three weeks….

  42. 79

    giliell

    I also noticed that I finished college about exactly 11 months ago. I’m in the third job since….

    Think of it this way – most people are lucky to get even one job after college.

    My dad finally found a job, but it pays minimum so I’ll be staying with my parents even longer. The up side is that I might start saving money for college, but I don’t know what to take or should I bother with anything at all.
    Since the money situation isn’t as desperate I might be able to get a credit card finally.

  43. 81

    I want to repeat my comment that I added in the article “You Just Can’t Take a Joke.”

    Speaking as a young man who is both professionally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and questioning his sexuality, I happily await South Park’s cancellation. I’m sick and tired of being demonized and set up as a punchline for the media at large. When it jumped on the anti-social justice bandwagon and felt like beating the beyond dead horse trope of “political correctness” some more, it opened up a world of knowledge to me. South Park doesn’t give a damn about being funny, it only cares about being offensive for its own sake. It has no good reason to offend other than it can and when it does it’s only because their target is either an “asshole” or something other.

    They have done absolutely nothing original except insult everyone who is not a privileged intelligent straight white male. They’ve even had the gall to insult people like me who have Asperger’s. Sooner or later I feel that people are going to get older and wiser, look back on South Park, and realize that people behind the show are nothing but a gang of schoolyard bullies.

    I can the say the same to Family Guy.

    There is this cartoon that was made in Japan called “Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt” that I find so much more humorous than those two shows ever will be. It draws legitimate criticism I believe to the modern anime industry for it’s lack of diversity and individuality. It actually puts its characters in original situations and mainly makes fun of itself. It’s crass but hardly offensive.

  44. 82

    Aaaaand, on Friday the ministry of education called and asked if I was still interested in a temporary position. I did not tell them to go fuck themselves, I only thought it. 4 weeks ago I talked to that very same guy and he told me that no, they don’T have any jobs, no, they couldn’t tell me if or when there’d be a position, so I went out and go another job. It’s not like there isn’t a huge demand for teachers right now. If they want me to sit around and wait until they need me, they got to fucking pay me.

    +++
    John Doe
    Appropriate gesture of support.
    A joke is when everybody is laughing. It’s as easy as that.

  45. 83

    John Doe
    I’m amazed that South Park is still being made. What little humor and social criticism it used to have had died very long ago. It’s viciousness for viciousness’ sake.
    Family Guy, on the other hand, had no humor to begin with. I don’t exaggerate when I say that that show has never even forced a smile from me.

  46. rq
    85

    AlexanderZ
    If the Estonians want to come and do training sessions, I will happily participate. I bet there’s a great many post-WWII-era hidey-holes out in the forests that can be renewed with a minimum of effort.
    We’ve stocked up on home-made apple wine. That should get us through the winter, at least.

  47. 86

    Hullo!
    Did you spend a nice Halloween? It think it’s just at the right level of popularity in Germany to suit my tastes. We visited friends and went trick or treating. Afterwards we ate way too much delicious Halloween food.
    I love those people dearly, but man, they need to watch what they’re doing to their kid. The little guy doesn’t know what “NO” means. Sure, he’s still at an age where he’S cute and his demands are easily met, but he won’t stay 4 for the rest of his life.

  48. 87

    Hiya,
    I’m fighting with my depression again (so far it’s a draw). But Halloween was fun anyway – lots of small kids, some on their first real trick or treat. Many princesses, ninjas and ninja turtles, superheroes and heroines and villains, a couple of she-pirates, and at least one Rey. I estimate we got about 200 kids this year. Their parents or older siblings were very good about making sure the littlest ones said thank you, too.

    Today has been a bit weird. I drove down to the big medical center in Anaheim for my mammogram, and discovered when I checked in that it’s tomorrow. The receptionist was very comforting, said that a lot of people do that, and she offered to see if the department could fit me in. Which they could, so that’s done, and I got my flu shot on the way out. All’s well that ends well, or something.

    I’ll be in the pillow fort if anyone needs me, and here is a fresh pot of Irish Breakfast tea and a pile of hugs.

  49. 88

    Something has been really hurting me for a long time.

    There was this guy on YouTube by the name of Corey Margera. From what I was able to interpret, he epitomizes bullying and self-hatred. He’s black but hates black people (so much that he refers to some of them as “coons”) and he thinks so-called PC is a homosexual invention, to name a few things. He’s also an outspoken anti-feminist who hates women in general. You could post a link to his channel, but I don’t want to award him any views.

    Hearing his voice in my head really hurts my heart.

  50. 90

    *Hugs* all round.
    Giliell
    I didn’t do anything for Halloween (as one meme I saw put it: “I’m going as Sleeping Beauty for Halloween. You’ll find me at home, asleep.”
    Anne
    Depression sucks. My condolences.
    John Doe
    I’m sorry to hear that. *hugs* if desired.
    Also, totally agree about South Park and Family Guy. And, in fact, pretty much everything else Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and/or Seth McFarlane are involved in in any creative capacity.

    In personal news, I met a wonderful fellow via another blog, and a bit of casual flirtation turned into a bit more, and continues swimmingly. The major fly in the ointment is that he lives on the other side of the continent and neither of us has anything resembling a travel budget, but nothing’s perfect, I guess.

  51. 91

    Dalillama, thanks. I was so angry with the universe today that I went and Slayed All The Usefuls – all the vacuuming, putting away laundry, and so on. Not a fun day, but at least it was productive by normal standards.

    John Doe, welcome. The pillow fort is over here if you need a break from the world.

  52. 92

    I’ve been doing some thinking.

    My mom and I have been talking and…I don’t know what do you with my life anymore.

    I have to make a confession. After the hearing of the Orlando massacre and all of the responses to it, I went deeply mad. I posted outraged rant after outraged rant spilling my guts out all over the internet, saying things that should have better been kept to myself. I was already regretting being born when Donald Trump took power and this was not what I needed. I even went as far as to declare death in return on all of those who advocated that my rights be taken away or for either insulting me or just poking fun at me.

    I’m almost 25, and for years I have been maliciously bullied and treated generally as a lesser by society at large just for expressing myself differently from the norm. For centuries my kind have been treated that way and it has resulted in countless suicides. I have two kinds of diseases according to certain extremist groups like Autism Speaks and insert whatever organization that promotes “traditional family values” here.

    I’m sick to death of the sociological and psychological warfare. It is so bad that I feel that even the sweet release of death will not protect me from being someone else’s slave. Their words and actions prevent me from living my life to the fullest, like hooks on my brain.

    I don’t know what to think of the nation I was born under anymore or my fellow man. Honestly, I don’t understand why it is my sworn duty to change the world when all I want to do is live my short life. No one wants to hear this, but from the very moment we are born we start dying, so why does anything we do matter? I personally don’t know whether or not I will ever forgive religion individually or as a whole, let alone this country or culture, for all of its institutionalized hate.

    I want to write comics and maybe even a cartoon in the future, and it’s impossible for me to dream and wonder and wander without someone taking offense. There will always be someone out there who will want to knock me down from trying to achieve my goals, and that’s why I need a some sort of safe space. I wish there was a place where I could just breathe without getting attacked.

    Where do I go?

    What do I do?

    (And please for the love of God, don’t say “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” I’ve been trolled and bullied enough for just being a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog.)

  53. 93

    More things that I wanted to say is that it is impossible for me a write a strong and independent nontraditional character whether they be black, gay, female, Muslim, or disabled to name a few without attacking me for promoting some sort of “agenda.”

    That Corey Margere guy, even though he lightly congratulated LGBT’s, albeit not without going on rant that marriage is a scam, still believes that homosexuality is being forced down his throat. Why do people keep saying that?! No, it’s literally the exact same quote everywhere I go!

  54. 94

    Anne
    *hugs*

    Dalillama
    Yay for your romantic life! I hope you too can meet in person!

    John Doe

    I don’t understand why it is my sworn duty to change the world when all I want to do is live my short life

    Every person is a world in themselves. If you helped one person then you’ve already changed a world.
    Also, I have no idea who’s that Corey Margere guy, but he sounds like an ass (and from a short google search he probably is an ass). To hell with him.
    Also, *hugs*

  55. rq
    96

    AlexanderZ
    Not sure, but since the FIRST WINTER SNOW HAS PARALYZED THE CITY!!!!! for about the nth year in a row, I’m still hunkering down and waiting for the 9th.

  56. 97

    AlexanderZ I’m still firmly in the pillow fort and stocking up on canned goods for after 8th November. Brexit could pale into insignificance then!

    Waves and *hugs* to all.

  57. 98

    rq
    Is that when the first hint of white fluff makes people act as if they’d never seen any before?

    +++
    Me, I’m down with the first cold of winter. I’m feverish and generally mush. I sent my students home early today

    +++
    bragimike
    I’m still hoping that enough ‘Muricans keep their senses despite the FBI Coup.

  58. 99

    John Doe
    The cultural climate of today is such that anything that’s actually published can easily become subject to this kind of harassment. My best advice is to find a social justice oriented community (they’re easier to find online IME) where you feel comfortable and hang out there when you need to destress. It’s far from perfect, but it’s as much as I can offer just now.
    Also, *hugs*

    AlexanderZ
    There was always a certain degree of attrition, and people taking long hiatuses, but Pharyngula being a well-known blog there was enough traffic to replenish the attrition with new faces (or avatars as the case may be). John Doe (welcome in, John) is the first new member we’ve had in I don’t know how long. I think that’s what chigau meant by ‘It’s not the same’.

  59. rq
    100

    Giliell
    Yes.
    Be well soon!!

    Also, sorry for being late with it,but welcome in to John Doe.
    It’s true, we don’t get a lot of new faces, but it’s good to have a nice number of the old regulars still hanging around.

  60. 101

    Hey, all ! *hugs* if wanted.

    I think I (and we USian Progressive Pub-ers general ) need MASSIVE HUGS …

    WTF !? *

    This time next week The Grope Master COULD BE …. (trying valiantly to wrap my head around THIS)… president-elect T… T… T…

    That’s as far as I can get.

    * What’s the generic, non-religious, non-pasta obsessive equivalent of “PRAY FOR ME !!! “, again ? I definitely need a strong ‘mantra’ for the next few days.
    : )

  61. 103

    Anne,
    Still unemployed means I could help with Pillow Fort expansion. Construction ? Sewing? Ben-gay use or application ?
    I’m out of practice on some of those but willing to work. : )

  62. 105

    BTW:
    Pillow Fort work is public service work even I (almost life long public service worker) wouldn’t dream of charging for.
    There’s public service ($) and then there’s human/social public service*…. if you catch my convoluted drift.

    * Still dreaming of that commune idea. :))

  63. 106

    Yes, pillow fort maintenance is definitely for the general good. Fortunately, the trans-dimensional engineering usually takes care of adjustments, but lately we’ve been overloading the poor thing. So it needs a little hands-on tinkering.

  64. 107

    With all of this talk about America being so great, here is question that I dare to ask just about everyone including our current presidential candidates, especially Trump.

    What if America doesn’t want to be great?

  65. 108

    “What if America doesn’t want to be great? ”

    Blasphemy !

    But seriously folks. I don’t need great. I would be happy (extatic even) with compassionate, empathetic…. instead of xenophobic, imperialistic, tunnel-visioned….

    ….. waiting for the NSA/FBI visit any moment. 🙂

  66. 109

    Yes, I’m worried about the election as well. Just a week or so ago it was in the bag and now it’s almost a coin toss because of a fifth column in FBI. Which is quite funny – Comey, who has a long history of being a partisan asshole, was either forced to act or assisted in his plan by FBI members who leaked the presence of supposedly new Clinton emails. Those agents are now Brave Heroes™ to the right, but any whistle blower who reports an actual crime is immediately branded a traitor.
    Scary times. But on the bright side, if Donald does get elected USA would instantly bridge the gap to Russia, Syria, Iran and all the other dictatorships. Mutual understanding at last!

    giliell

    the FBI Coup

    Methinks it’s time for de-GOPification of all government positions.

    bragimike

    I’m still firmly in the pillow fort and stocking up on canned goods for after 8th November

    I’m reminded of the cat from Sabrina that in one episode was investing heavily in canned food and weapon stocks. That always struck me as a wise move, particularly considering his surroundings.

    rq

    FIRST WINTER SNOW HAS PARALYZED THE CITY!!!!!

    You mean like this?

    Dalillama
    True. But it’s nice that now the activity has picked up a bit 😉

    *hugs* to one and all and may we meet where there is no darkness nothing bad happens.

    P.S.
    I’m releasing stress by playing this.

  67. 110

    Speaking of blasphemy, I think I am little proud and obligated to say that I downright hate this country.

    Go ahead and grab the torches and pitchforks.

    There is actually a lot that I want to say about this pissant nation, but all I am going to say is that I refuse to love a piece of land that let’s its so-called leaders get away with things like saying “We need to go after their families.” I, as a Q in LGBTQ, also refuse to allow people like Milo Yianopoulos or whatever the hell his name is and other so-called “LGBT conservatives” represent me. Honestly, Milo and those people need to all die of a heart attack.

    The thing is that I think I’ve lost my ability to care about anything. America continues to commit atrocity after atrocity after atrocity on itself and others, and I cannot express legitimate outrage without being labeled an “SJW.” It’s gotten to the point where showing my emotions, whether it is love or hate, is totally pointless.

    It doesn’t just concern America, it also concerns the internet. I find that the internet openly facilitates a culture of utter assholery that celebrates negativity, cynicism, and cruelty. This came up after talking about and playing, of all things, Sonic the Hedgehog with my older brother. I was discussing the nature of the franchise’s fandom and we both agree that everything has gone completely to shit. We both wonder why, even though a number of Sonic’s games have not been exactly up to par, that people despise him so much.

    I’ve been reading about trolling and I’ve begun to wonder what exactly the hell the point of it is. It’s not funny and it’s not original or avant-garde. I’ve been trolled and bullied mercilessly from the beginning of middle school till the end of high school. Everything that I did was taken and transformed into meme and spread throughout the internet.

    Anyway, I’ve been wondering if I should just give up on both America and the internet and let them both destroy themselves. They’re both profoundly useless and serve as nothing but the epitome of egotism that I would love to see knocked down a peg or two.

  68. 112

    Anne and bluentx
    Thank you for the invaluable service you put into the pillow fort.

    +++
    Now something to make you all wet-eyed in a good way:

    Last night the kids were watching a movie.
    #1: I think I have to cry
    The little one puts her arm around her and says “that’s OK”

    +++
    Why do grown men apparently need babysitters? Mr has been taking painkillers for some back problems and was totally surprised when I took the sherry glass out of his hand…

  69. 113

    *waves*
    I’m sorry for just occasionally popping in to wave.
    I joined that hiking organization and we go walking every Sunday so that makes me happy. Other than that, life is. That’s the best I can say about it.

  70. 117

    I’ve not exactly been voluble either, Beatrice; life creeps in its petty pace day to day, in much the same way each day. If not for Tuesday volunteering and Friday gaming, I’d never know what day it was.

    I’ve fantasised a lot recently about being magically transformed back into a teenager, only this time as a cis girl. It’s a hellishly attractive fantasy. I imagine myself free of the mental anguish that characterised my actual life – how I could have excelled in something if I’d not had the constant low-level cognitive burden imposed by society for being trans. “How can I best get to live my life as me, when every bit of my true self is placed outside my reach by a transphobic society? How do I both hide this and express it enough not to want to kill myself?”

    It’s not something that I think cis people can really get, but if you’ve ever been poor, the thinkload is similar to that state – the constant background worry of whwre food and shelter will come from this month.

    Sorry to vent a bit there – it’s just been on my mind lately, confirming my belief that There Ain’t No Justice: there is nothing making the universe a fair place.

    Despite this gloomy post, I’m doing alright. Definitely feeling the sun going away, and looking forward to the solstice as a result.

    Got myself a Kindle paperwhite this week, so I can join the digital reading generation as painlessly as possible. I’m loving LOVING being able to read at night without excess light; I finally started reading Iain Banks’ Culture novels, and I’m making a list of the other authors i plan to read soon. What’s the name of the author of the Ancillary series? That’s another I wanted to read.

    So that’s my update.

    Dali, I loved hearing about your little fling start thing, and I hope it continues to go well.

    Good luck to all my Southern neighbours on Tuesday, we’re all holding our thumbs out here in, well, the entire rest of the world. Come on Hillary!

  71. 119

    Caitie
    *hugs*

    Got myself a Kindle paperwhite this week, so I can join the digital reading generation as painlessly as possible. I’m loving LOVING being able to read at night without excess light

    I think that little function has saved countless relationships from breaking on the “light off, I want to sleep – light on, I want to read” question.
    I’m always a bit sorry they didn’t happen 10 years earlier so my grandmothers could have enjoyed them. Light, adjustable font size, and not only horrible books deemed suitable for elderly readers available.

    beatrice
    Have fun at hiking!

    +++
    Yeah, time.
    I’ll work 5 days a week for the next two weeks without enough time to actually prepare the classes.

  72. rq
    120

    Beatrice
    *hugs*
    Have fun with the hiking, I hope the atmosphere isn’t too toxic and you’re getting some good education and fun times out of it!

    CaitieCat
    *hugs*
    Have you read Elizabeth Bear? I thoroughly enjoyed her Wetwired trilogy. Annnd I think it was Linda Nagata that wrote some pretty good stuff, then there’s Nnedi Okorafor that I haven’t got around to myself but I’ve heard wonderful things from people I trust. I’ve been enjoying the Expanse series, too (Book 6 coming out early next year?) and Ben Aaronovitch is coming out with something new early next year, as well (I might have to preorder). N.K. Jemisin is another I haven’t managed to read yet, but it’s on the list. (How much am I telling you that you already know…?)
    Currently reading a rather male-oriented dark post-apocalyptic fantasy by a Russian author (they based a zombie-killing game on it – Metro 2033 – but I’m pretty sure the book is quite different), and looking forward to the sequel. Though not exactly the kind of book to cheer one up, it’s certainly a different style of voice than I’m used to.
    Anyway, mostly just *hugs* and with you on the solstice. 🙂
    Also those electronic readers are fantastic and yay for having one!

    Giliell
    Can I ask what movie?
    Also hope you’re feeling better.

    *waves* and *hugs* and *hottea* for Anne and bluentx, it truly is a good work you are doing for us all! (Also, yes, bluentx, I am a terrible correpsondent, too!!! Much apology!)

    Dalillama
    *hugs*
    I had something more specific to say but I’ve forgotten what it was, mostly please just know sending positive thoughts and support your way!

    +++

    Two things:
    1) Today I walked to the store in the half-twilight of a snowy afternoon, and realized just how much I miss cross-country skiing – mostly because I realized I’d forgotten how much I love the solitude of a wintry afternoon. Which leads into:
    2) I do believe the FSM has initiated Ragnarok in advance of Tuesday’s apocalyptic election results. Thanks, Obama!!!

  73. 121

    Thanks for Tony and Alexander. I have been lurking here semi-regularly, usually not having anything to say.

    After ridiculous amount of procrastination, I finally renewed my long-outdated passport and ID card. Lately I’ve been feeling like, “Imagine if I was American and couldn’t vote against Trump because of my own lazy ass – what a shame”.

  74. 122

    rq, who knew we’d have a winter before the US presidential race has a winner?

    Sorry for random topic, but I thought the walnut photos you posted on Affinity were really cool. Apparently it’s the common walnut, which is on its northern limits in Latvia and Estonia. We have other, more hardy walnut species planted as ornamentals in some public places in southern Finland, but the idea of having an edible walnut in home garden sounds just exotic to me.

    Maybe I’ll plant one in a couple decades, when I have a house and a little warmer climate 🙂

  75. 123

    rq
    It was the “Shaun the Sheep” movie. #1 is a big movie crier. Funny thing, I’m currently reading Elizabeth Bear as well. Tor Publishing has a free ebook every month: http://www.tor.com/2016/11/01/torcom-ebook-club-november-spin-robert-charles-wilson/?utm_source=exacttarget&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_term=tordotcom-tordotcomnewsletter&utm_content=na-readblog-blogpost&utm_campaign=9781429915434

    Unfortunately it is only available to residents of the USA and Canada 😉

    Arctic Ape
    Mr recently noticed he needed a new ID as well. He managed to sign some important documents for which he needed it literally the day it expired.

  76. 124

    Had an interesting experience and thot I’d ask my California Cousins if it is common.
    I live on the second floor. I was getting something out o the fridge and heard the earthquake (small one, 5.0, 16 mi away, 5 km deep). I looked through the doorway into the dining area and saw the table lamp and other things shaking and heard the rattling. But standing in the kitchen, I felt nothing and nothing in the kitchen rattled, etc. Of course this is the first time I’ve ever been in the kitchen during an earthquake so maybe it’s always that way.

  77. 125

    vereverum, yes, it’s quite possible for an earthquake to affect different parts of a building differently. We’ve had eqs where I felt it in the bedroom, Husband didn’t feel it at all in the livingroom. He wouldn’t believe me until the quake came up on USGS.

    I’m not an expert, but I know that sometimes the buildings closest to the epicenter are barely shaken, while ones farther away are seriously damaged. It has to do with the depth of the quake and the direction of the shock waves, I think.

    I’m glad you’re unscathed, and I hope there was no property damage.

  78. 126

    Anne, Such A Nasty Cat Lady
    Thanks, I thought that might be the case. I know a couple o blocks can make a difference but within a building, that’s something.
    The town where it happened was without power for about two hours. Authorities say gas leaks have been contained. Schools canceled for tomorrow to assess damage; no reports of personal injuries. The big problem is that it’s a pipeline hub with about 6 million barrels a day flow, but the pipeline operators say no reports of any damage.
    Personally, I think New Madrid is getting ready to go again, but then I’ve also thought the sky was falling and it was only rain.

  79. rq
    127

    Anne
    It also depends on the type of substrate the quakewave travels through.

    Anyway, glad you’re okay, vereverum!

    Arctic Ape
    Ah, so we’re the northern edge of edible walnut viability? Good to know! Nobody seems to believe us that we have delicious ripe walnuts every autumn until they see for themselves, but once they find out, it’s all about how to acquire some seedlings for themselves (basically, I have friends who have taken the nut+shell to try and grow them out for themselves, and we’re tried ourselves, and the trickiest part is transplanting because I don’t know anyone who’s been 100% successful so far).
    In the meantime, yes, what with the late raspberries and the aronia-rowan cross, we’ll settle for northern exotic.

  80. 129

    My university campus in Helsinki has some specimens of Manchurian walnut and butternut (the latter is from North America). Their nuts are supposedly edible but I haven’t tried if they taste any good. Squirrels bury them in the ground*, then seedlings pop up and are sometimes adopted by university staff. I’m not personally really into eating walnuts, but the trees do look impressive and exotic.

    More likely I’ll plant aronia and saskatoon in my hypothetical garden. Those are both common as ornamentals in this area, while almost nobody (except me) eats the berries.

    *In Finland – and probably in Latvia – squirrels are traditionally associated with spruce cones rather than nuts. There is wild hazel in southern Finland, but it’s not common.

  81. 131

    I got quiet again. I am reluctant to post bad news. On this and some previous sites, going back to PZ’s Science Blogs Endless Thread. I’ve poured out a surfeit of troubles. Many of you know of the death of my younger daughter from prescription pain killers and of my surviving daughters heroin addiction. Many of you have provided comfort and material support for which I am ever grateful. I consider the folks here to be friends as well as wonderful all-round people.

    (I should also add that we’ve had lots of good natured fun and have cracked some truly funny puns and enjoyed lotsa silly playfulness that enriches and enhances this damned thing called life.)

    Some good (or at least potentially positive) news is in order. This past Saturday I placed my surviving daughter in a hospital. She was a wreak, really, the poor thing. Jonesing, of course. Also having a case of poison ivy and a possible urinary tract infection. She hurt all over and inside and out.

    The attending professionals were comfortingly professional. Apparently such admissions are routine these days. I stayed with her for about two hours during which time she had blood taken, we were both asked some predictable questions and she was given an injection of pain meds which put her to sleep. That’s when I left. As I left I relived an episode from the past.

    My daughter got run over by a car when she was three years old. The tire passed over her pelvis. What saved her was the sugar sand that made up the driveway; instead of being crushed, her little bottom was pushed down into the soft sand. X-rays revealed green stick fractures of the pelvis and subsequent observations showed no obvious internal injuries. After about a week in the hospital, her mother and I took her home.

    What I remember, and cannot ever forget, was my daily, after work visits with her in the children’s wing of the hospital. With the help of a nurse I would pick take her out of the device that stabilized her lower body and which she had to endure all day, and put her in a child sized wheel chair. Then I was the engine pushing her up and down the hallways, nurses calling her name and saying comforting thing, past the pictures of clowns and farm animals and kids playing. She love that. She would point to the animals and tell me what she had named them.

    Then I’d take her back to her room and talk for a while. She knew what happened next: Daddy would say good bye and leave. She cried so. She was so lonesome. I told her that I’d be back tomorrow and we would go see the animals and the nurses and that soon she would be better and would come home. But she was only three. After hugs and kisses and that careful, slow walk to the door, I had to walk down a long hall to the elevator. Each step of the way her voice called, “Don’t leave, Daddy! Daddy, don’t leave me!”

    Those were the hardest steps I ever took.

    Had she been awake on Saturday when I walked out of her room she might have said something similar. Maybe she would have felt more secure and just said, “Call me, Daddy”. I don’t know. But walking out of that place I distinctly heard a faint echo of long ago, almost forty years past. I heard my child’s cry. If she had in fact cried out I would not have been able to leave. But I would not have been able to return to her room. I must draw a line with her. Her life is her own hands. I am not in charge any more. That realization seems to kill a part of me. I love her so deeply but I am no longer the authority. She is. I was unprepared for that realization. It hurts.

    I drove back home and got in a traffic accident. No injuries, both cars able to drive away but I was deeply shaken. I turned into an oncoming vehicle while turning into a convenience store. Never saw it coming. Tired, stressed, I guess my brain stopped perceiving for the three or four seconds that I can’t reconstruct. The attending police were understanding and surprisingly supportive. I go to court in January; on my daughter’s birthday.

    That’s all for the moment. I will try to be back tomorrow. I hope that all of you are well, getting better and having reason to be glad. I do love you. I should contribute more. I will try to do so.

    This tab will remain open for some time to come . . .

  82. 132

    Crudely Wrott said:
    “we’ve had lots of good natured fun and have cracked some truly funny puns and enjoyed lotsa silly playfulness that enriches and enhances this damned thing called life.”

    So true, Crudley Writ !

    *HUGS* and so much more offered (don’t know where to even begin !)

    I, too, “consider the folks here to be friends as well as wonderful all-round people”. I don’t get here every day (or even every month sometimes) but as anti/un-sociable as I can be, I often think of ‘The Lounge/Speakeasy” crowd as friends/confidants.

    CW: Again, *hugs* and much love from ‘a friend on the interwebs’ !!! : )

  83. 133

    CaitieCat, Crudely, bluntx
    *HUGS*
    Beatrice
    Glad Hiking’s going well.
    Arctic Ape
    At which point you’ll probably be buying Oregon Lemons.

    @Others
    I’ve become surprisingly ‘rupt in only 2 days. I like this fact. *hugs* for all.

  84. rq
    134

    Dalillama

    I like this fact.

    All The Good Things, may they continue. 🙂

    Crudely
    *hugs*

    Arctic Ape

    In Finland – and probably in Latvia – squirrels are traditionally associated with spruce cones rather than nuts. There is wild hazel in southern Finland, but it’s not common.

    While squirrels are associated with spruce and fir, they’re also known for their nut-hoarding habits. Hazel (wild) is quite common, and we’ve been planting seedlings out in the country for a few years now. And for the first time this year, I caught a pair of squirrels (with my eyes!) frolicking in the walnut tree and stealing my nuts. Super-cute!
    I wouldn’t mind an Oregon lemon in the backyard, however. I think…?

    +++

    Please, USAmerica, please do right by everyone today.

  85. 136

    Dalillama, rq, …..

    I don’t get here often enough (no kidding!), but think of you all often as I am cussing the weeds, cacti, and rocks*. [NOT cussing you, but trying to make up for time not spent over the last several years caring for ‘The Olde Home Place’.]
    I used too much energy, sweat, and time on activities (read: paid work) that didn’t give me as much satisfaction as digging up and replacing the drain lines [laterals] on my septic system, which I had to do recently !
    I worked for a paycheck from people who didn’t appreciate my dedication, punctuality, or any of the other adjectives I now put in my resumes/applications when trying to explain MY work ethic.

    I didn’t start this comment with the intention of becoming political (on this USian election day) but even so I don’t see how I CAN’T become political. So, I will let someone more articulate than I say it for me:
    https://youtu.be/YypEpohZCRw

    (3:50-6:00 particularly for me)

    [Longer version: https://youtu.be/bo6AuCtOTYE%5D

    *Still practicing/testing for the day when *The Commune* becomes a reality. A place where contribution to the community means more than individual status or $$$$ worth !

    p.s. It’s been so long since I posted a link forgive me if this doesn’t work as intended !

  86. 138

    Dalillama:

    If the growth season isn’t warm enough, the lemons remain sour…

    I grew up thinking of many temperate fruits as loosely “tropical”. Here, we could traditionally grow apples, plums, sour cherries and (barely) pears. Now the farmers are experimenting with grapevine and sweet cherry. Next in line might be peach and kiwi, then maybe persimmon and mandarin (I suppose all of these already grow in coastal Oregon). It’s not only because of climate change but also advances in plant breeding and cultivation techniques.

    We usually import our temperate/subtropical fruits from the Mediterranean region, but for some reason, grapefruit and sweet potato often come from the US. I’ll be looking forward to Oregon grapefruit…

  87. 142

    I voted. Husband voted. Younger Daughter voted. En masse. Elder will be voting in San Diego, if she hasn’t already.

    The Resident Felines did not vote, or rather, they voted for breakfast at 4 AM. Time changes, we hates them.

  88. 143

    Heya
    Somebody, please let this day be over (nothing major, just too many small things: “Kids” not behaving at work (they also nicked some of my keys), traffic being bad, kid not behaving at home, MIL not being supportive, tired…)

    There’s also the possibility of impending doom in the USA, which doesn’t exactly lift my spirits.

    Crudely
    Very big hugs and good luck for your hearing. Shout if you need us ‘kay?

  89. rq
    144

    I’m a bit nervous about crawling out of bed tomorrow morning.
    Also suffering from a seasonal lack of motivation and productivity at work; can’t be bothered. But I’m making an effort (if writing 5 Things counts as an effort, if on a normal day I would write 20 to 25 Things). *sigh*
    Blargh.
    At least there’s still snow outside and my roses aren’t died!

  90. 145

    I don’t vote. I’m a free man.
    __________________________

    I’m going to say something that is sure to enrage zillions.

    Something needs to be done about hate speech. I frankly don’t give a shit about anyone’s so-called beliefs or opinions about who I am. If someone is demonizing, terrorizing. bullying, or abusing me for who I was born as, I WILL shove their so-called opinions and beliefs back down their throat. People have been offending me for things that I had zero choice in and cannot control, and I think it’s about something changed.

    So the next time some filthy inbred redneck, dirty Christian, or stupid straightie breeder “doesn’t agree with my lifestyle,” those people WILL get a taste of their own medicine.

    The enabling needs to STOP.

  91. 146

    rq
    You and me both
    I take the fact that according to German news Trump is already suing as a good sign.

    +++
    Somehow “I’ll print these work cards and laminate and cut them” always sounds much better before I spend hours actually doing it.

  92. 151

    John Doe:
    >> So the next time some filthy inbred redneck, dirty Christian, or stupid straightie breeder “doesn’t agree with my lifestyle,” those people WILL get a taste of their own medicine.<< I do not want such bigoted language in this thread. This is my only warning.

  93. 155

    I turned off the tv. Trying to go to sleep but I just want to cry. Millions of ppl cast their votes to put an authoritarian racist rapist in the Oval Office.
    A man with access to nukes.
    A man who will get to nominate at least one SCOTUS judge. I am have serious trouble dealing with all of that.

  94. 157

    So this is actually a thing that should prompt people to desperately conclude “There will be people marrying cats and dogs next”.
    After this election, anything is possible. I thought very little of US, but nevertheless I thought it was better than electing that person.

  95. 159

    *hugs* to everyone who’s scared

    What scares me isn’t Trump. It’s the number of people willing to have him as their president. Because that means when US starts another senseless war there will be plenty of willing cannon fodder… again. There will be plenty of war mongers.
    He can’t ruin a country or the world single-handed. Most of the time, the president really is just a figurehead. But he’s also the face of the country, the face the rest of the world sees. And he is the person enough people in US supported, presumably meaning they support his views. That’s scary. All these people destroying the lives of their neighbors and even their own lives.. makes no sense.

    When you look at countries that more or less democratically chose dictators to gain or remain in power, it was usually because they really did offer the people some kind of stability. Some kind of safety. When the alternative is worse, they might as well go with the dictator who will at least leave them alive and not too hungry. In US… yeah, that’s not how things are in US. I genuinely don’t understand.
    There will be scientific studies of this phenomenon in a couple of decades.
    European countries have been moving steadily to the right in the last decade. I fear this will be a strong push in the same direction. With enough of a fear mongering campaign when another surge of refugees reaches the Schengen and the reaction we can expect from official US (US.. the eternal inspiration for old Europe, usually when it comes to bad stuff).. we are really fucked.

  96. 160

    Huh. This morning I thought I was wading in 20 cm of newly fallen snow. Turns out it’s fallout from a massive whiteness explosion in North America.

    It’s gonna be a long winter.

  97. 161

    My deepest condolences to all US citizens. I cannot believe it.

    I’m proposing that the pillow fort be expanded to cover the whole lounge.

    I’m trying to find something good out of all this. The only (cynically) positive thing from my UK point of view is that the crown of ‘Most Stupid Voting Public’ which we held for a while, has now bee taken from us! Sorry, that the best I’ve got.

    Can’t we restart 2016?

  98. rq
    167

    2016 continues to suck apace. I cried at the news, then had to hold it in for work reasons.
    Had some good laughs (haha) about how nothing will change (for us) anyway, but dammit my dear USAmerican friends, I fear for you and where this will go. &hearts and condolences and godfuckingdammit this is… a dream. Must be.

    Tony
    *massivehugs*

  99. 168

    Massive non-back-sparing hugs from this citizen of Anschlussland – er, I mean Canada, of course. I’m really sorry for your loss, everyone.

    The LGBTQ community centre for which I volunteer is trying to open up this evening to provide a drop-in support place for locals hurting about the election. All my Canadian friends and neighbours are shocked and worried.

    I wonder if we’ll be seeing a bunch of people showing up at the border requesting refugee status?

    Hugs and higs and as many bosons as you can carry, to all of you.

  100. 169

    I think Mr and I had the most depressing phone call ever just. Ranting and despairing. Can I be fucking ashamed of being white? Also, there’ nukes about 50km from me and Trump gets the keys. Not to mention global warming. I’ve wondered if I’d had had the kids in 07 and 09 if I’d known about 2016…

    Massive hugs to all who are going to feel the brunt of this. There IS a double couch in my flat. It will always be open for people who need it. I know it’s a massive jump across the ocean, but it’s there.

  101. 174

    Hi everyone,
    I will try one more time. I have written a couple of posts a couple weeks ago that never showed up so I might be using the wrong passcode. Anyway, I will see if this comes through or not. Hugs and soft comforting pillow forts to one and all.

    The senior I am now doing hospice with was jovial about the trump win. I told her I was going to lose my insurance and she just laughed and said I would get something so much better. Not with republicans in charge of everything. But she seemed mighty pleased. I can’t today and may end up losing this job because I can’t right my attitude.

    Hope it goes through this time

    Cal

  102. 175

    *Pouncehugs* Cal
    Hi!
    *Hugs* back CaitieCat

    Big *hugs* for Tony and all my other fellow sufferers under the new order.

    There’s a lot of talk on my feeds about communes; once I feel a little less crushing depair, I’m gonna try to put something together. Anyone with spoons and experience in grantwriting or organizing is welcome to help. We can set up a forum or the like to discuss it on. It won’t really solve anything, and we can’t save everyone, but if we can, it would at least be a little shelter from the storm.

  103. 176

    Oh hey everyone, I came through!

    Just wanted to say hi and how devastated me and my whole family are. I am trying to figure out how to get needed tests before ACA is reversed and what my medications will cost cash.
    I also have an anger headache that will not leave me but on the other hand I joined a Unitarian Fellowship and they are great.
    I have had bouts of dysphoria because I am living in two worlds and dressing for fellowship in a small town is daunting. I finally found my look and have a friend who is attempting to alter some thrift store mens wear for me. I am progressing slowly in my transition but I am progressing.

    It felt like it took forever for me to reconcile that I had to bite the bullet and go to social functions. I am doing better each week. The thing that made me decide to go was Orlando. After that I needed support. I saw on the local news that the church of christ and the UUs were holding a vigil for the victims. I found my folks. Then I got there and they had two big “Black Lives Matter” signs. I was home. I will be in the Pillow Fort with hot towels over my eyes. I am a puffy mess.
    Cal

  104. 178

    Hi Dalillama,
    Pouncehugs back at ya!
    Communes sound great to me. My kids Dad and I are talking about selling our homes( my retirement plan is gone) and getting a big place together. We may remarry so I can have insurance.

    We have been talking about consolidating our lives for a while and it would give both of us more freedom and flexibility with our son. We would both benefit so much and now there is even more reason to see what can be done. We are having lunch today to talk about seeing a realtor. Life.

  105. 179

    I…I have no idea what just happened.

    *hugs* and other gestures of support to all. I’m behind in reading, just focusing on work and in general avoiding interacting with people. Sorry.

    It’s cal good to see you again.

    I’ve got a long weekend activity planned, so I’ll be out of touch until Mon. Which is probably a good thing.

  106. 180

    Crudely
    Best wishes for your daughter. I’m happy that you’re writing here again.

    cal
    Great to see you here too. I’m also happy that you’ve found a supporting community at the UU.

  107. 181

    OK, everyone just let it out. Just let it out. Deep breaths, pillows, tea, hugging.
    Things look pretty shitty right now, I know. I sat up all last night watching the map turn slowly red. Major bummer. Woke up today only to pull the covers up and go back to sleep.

    Listen, friends. Our disappointment and fright needs channeling. Don’t let them set the tone for more than, well, a short while.

    Resistance is NOT futile. Over the past century or more dissent, demonstration, dedication and devotion have lifted folks up out of despair and discrimination. In the days ahead there are going to be lots of people out in the streets (it’s already started, check your favorite news sources) and writing letters and, most important, Organizing!

    If you can contact groups in your states and towns and find out what they are doing and what you can do to help. Just be aware of one thing: We Are Stuck With The Asshole!! But we are not helpless. Here is something I posted at Dispatches From the Culture Wars a few minutes ago:

    Public protest coordinated with local and state politicians and activists as well as with local law enforcement (where such is a sane option), sustained and relentless is the sort of thing I have in mind.

    In any case, we are stuck with this asshole for four years. Best we deal with him with weapons that he cannot deal with. Like intelligence, a deep knowledge of the Constitution and rational arguments backed up by the lessons of public dissent and activism gathered over the last 50 years.

    Also drawing funny pictures and pointing and laughing. Lots of that.

    We have a heavy duty weapon. Its use requires thorough intelligence of enemy targets, highly specific aiming coordinates, the utmost attention to its loading and priming and a most delicate trigger pull. Its effects can be devastating but only if the above are given the utmost consideration and the application of the weapon is limited and purposeful. There is no room for indiscriminate usage; it must be publicly purposeful and precisely targeted.

    In a little while our outrage will have simmered down some, we will have made good use of time to consolidate our resources and establish coordinated activities. Then we can act together and back each other up. This is not guerilla style; this is protracted public demonstration backed up by law, reinforced by Constitutional principles, engaging sympathetic politicians, law enforcement personnel, lawyers, clergy, activists, moms, pops, kids and the old fart down the block who worries about his lawn.

    We need to take time, do our research, check our anger and redouble our determination. The one thing that would give Teh Donah and his cronies the upper hand is violence and mayhem. That’s his/their bailiwick as is a deep knowledge of law. We must outsmart them and do so in a way that does not scare away reluctant allies.

    I think we have a good chance to stymie the ideals of Drumpf’s own misbegotten dreams of even moar fame and fortune and prove him to be the small, vindictive little boy that he is not only to the population of the US but to people all over the world. Listen now, there is one thing that he has no defense for. He cannot withstand ridicule. He can make lots of noise, and now that he is president-elect he can make some credible threats (actually something new for him*) but he really cannot respond in any meaningful way.

    Patience, study, organization. Local, regional organization, national coordination, worldwide appeal. That’s what we need. Study the civil rights movement of the 60s and the history of civil disobedience over the last few decades; there was a lot wrong with it but the parts that worked are the parts we need now.

    Most of all, iligitimi non carborundum! We are smarter, faster, and more adaptable than this hideous beast and his tenders!

    While you do so, don’t forget to love one another. It’s the most important ingredient needed to accomplish useful social tasks!
    ___________________
    And thanks so much to all who have given hugs and sweet regard to me and to my surviving daughter. You are . . . words are running out. Just know that you make a real real difference.
    Updates will follow. In the meantime, Don’t Panic!! ;^>

    * go check this website to get an idea of how Teh Donah’s bark compares to his bite. do scroll down . . .
    http://www.trump-clock.com/

  108. rq
    182

    Cal
    Heeeeey!! It’s good to see you and good to hear that you’re okay. Also good for a contingency plan, but the reason for needing it just…. bites. A lot, and hard.
    *hugs* if you wants!

    JimB
    *hugs*
    Enjoy the time away, the world will still be here when you get back… hopefully.

    Dalillama
    Good luck with the Commune plans. Are you going to have a site somewhere with updates and/or info, or just an email mailing-list type thing? Or should I just ask how it’s going from time to time?
    (I have no experience with grantwriting or anything like that, but maybe there’s other things I can do to help.)

  109. 183

    Hello everyone,
    Who still feels like shit? I am getting it together, but not quite yet.

    Crudely Wrott,

    Thanks for that post, I really needed a shot in the arm today. I am feeling a bit better and also a bit self chastised. I really love hospice work and need to keep myself in check for my client. It’s what we do. And pouting is such passive aggressive bullshit. If I could have taken yesterday off I would have. She is in the anger/denial stage and generally a salty bear right now and that is perfectly okay. I thought real hard last night how I could approach her about things and decided it was her house and her call.

    I really want to start looking to the midterms and also joining the fellowship social justice group at my church. I am in the membership classes now and that is really helping with my anxiety. The third and final class will be the ‘what brought you here’ portion and I intend on coming out then. I think. This Friday will be all about the service organizations within the congregation and next week I will try to give a brief truthful synopsis of why I want/need to be a member.

    One of the best services so far was a talk from a Trans person describing their journey and how they were born in Utah and fled to Montana and then decided on California to explore their gender. They are on the board of directors also so I was happy to see how very inclusive the UU is.

    I hope this works out for me.

    When I get home I am taking a long self care bath. I have this deep need to soak in water. I am not a bath person but something about self care and taking the time to let my body come all the way down from a 12 hour shift and preparing for the next feels right. Might even light a candle.
    What are you all doing for self care?

    I am also wishing I was where PZ is so I could hear his talk.

    Be Well Folks,
    Cal

  110. 184

    Higs and Hugs and Pouncehugs for all of you.
    Let’s take care of each other well.

    +++
    I’m still very worried and upset, but you cannot keep that up in intensity, so I mostly calmed a bit. Being sick again is helping with that, no more energy.

  111. 185

    Hi, all. Good thing bluentx and I expanded the pillow fort, huh.

    I just made a pair of earrings. I got a bunch of vintage jewelry findings from my Mum, so I made her a pair of sparkly holiday-ish earrings with some of the rhinestone bits and some red and green beads. Picture later maybe.

    I think I’ll be doing a lot of reorganising in my little room. Sorting beads helps me cope with stress. Besides, there’s only so many times I can vacuum the same rooms.

  112. 186

    Anne
    If you’re in desperate need of things to clean, you can always come here.

    +++
    I got the Lego Ghstbusters Ecto yesterday. It looks kinda hopeful. I only need to get rid of the straight white people.*

    *Yes, I know…

  113. rq
    187

    I have a bunch of housework people can do to relax, too…

    Anyway I’m kind of at the point where I find it mentally easier not to think about or engage in conversation about the election. (Yesterday Husband nearly really got it when he turned on a political analysis program on his phone within my hearing – I asked him to turn it off, and so found out that apparently looking at friends’ sad FB posts is the same as listening to newscasters and analysts talk about it in a know-it-all manner. Yes, he’s still alive.) Hopefully next week I’ll be less anxious about the election and I can get back to worrying about the stagnation and lack of motivation at work.
    *hugs* to everyone, esp. my USAnian friends!!!

  114. 190

    Very pretty, Anne
    +++

    Fuck, I’m own with a could again. But in good news, we’re going to get a christmas bonus at work! Sure, as those things go I’ll probably get 25% of not much, but I’m sure it’s the idea that counts.

    +++
    And apparently Leonard Cohen died. I want a 2016 reboot.

  115. 192

    Maybe the ‘chemtrail’ people have a point: there’s something in the atmosphere that’s making people do stupid things!

    I can never have confidence in the projected result of any election again.

    BTW I like Angela Merkel’s response to Trump’s election. Am I the only one who thinks she’s one of the best world leaders at the moment?

  116. 194

    Hi Everybody,
    I spent a ten hour day yesterday being told I was worthless POS because I don’t do housework for the lady that is in Hospice. I have known her for years and I am trying so hard to handle it but her anger stage is alienating everyone . She went off of her oxygen and her memory is complete crap now. Her daughter is in another State trying to get a rental together and return home as fast as she can. Her daughter is 72 and exhausted and told me maybe today would be a better day.

    It wasn’t at all. I called a family member to come and take my shift and there will be a very strong FaceTime with all the family caregivers after I leave.
    What is worse is they all voted for Trump and feel triumphant. I have a tangible loss (healthcare) and that is nothing compared to the demoralization of a nation through the act of electing Trump. But I waited a long time for healthcare and don’t know what I am going to do or how I will pay for medicines I have started. I won’t even ask about the arthritis medicine I wanted to try. I am too afraid it will work well and I won’t be able afford it.

    What is surprising to me is how few Democrats want to take responsibility for their choices. I am pretty sure my good friend voted for Trump and I still don’t know how to deal with that. I hate to confront people. I finally got to the place where I had enough courage to ask if we could stop buying each others lunches and just buy our own and she said no. I asked her why and her reasons were silly gibberish to me but she was adamant. I haven’t seen her in a while since my old friend came home from the hospital. I thought if we went out to eat again I would say, “separate checks please” as we get seated. I think that friendship will end soon, and now I think, so what?

    Anyhow, I am sitting here waiting for the next shift and dreading tomorrow. I think the follow up will be worse.

    Hugs and smiles and chocolate for all. When I get home I am going straight to the pillow fort. Thank you for expanding it to include unicorns:)

    Tonight is the membership class and I am looking forward to it.

    Rq I totally empathize with you about having to hear the political crap! They blast it here all damn day…. Or Dr. phil

    Cal

  117. 195

    Cis women and afabs (assigned female at birth) who care about trans women, if you are still able to access this when the dust settles, please consider getting an Rx for estradiol-only birth control, not for yourselves (unless that’s what you use), but as a way to help the many trans women who are going to lose their hormones.

    Anyone who can get an Rx for it, please consider getting spironolactone for “acne” or for your “blood pressure.”

    Unfortunately, I don’t know of any equivalent way to help afab trans folks. If I find one, I will assuredly post it.

  118. 196

    Cal
    Big hugs

    Bragimike
    Yep, that was good. If you had told me in 2012 that by 2016 I’d be happy about Merkel I’d have told you to take less drugs.
    Kinda funny and indicative of how things have changed. New bar for politicians to clear: not actually a fascist.

  119. 197

    Dalillama
    I’m sorry I’m across the pond.
    One of the reasons I needed to back away a bit. I feel deeply with and for all of you, but there’s no way for me to turn it into something productive and helpful.

  120. 198

    Big *hugs* to everyone, especially my fellow inmates in Trump’s America. I’ve stopped shaking now, and haven’t burst into uncontrollable sobbing for at least a couple of hours now. So I’m near to as ok as I’m likely to be.

  121. 201

    Hugs to all and sundry.

    I just wanted to share a quote from my current totebag book, Moby-Dick, which I reread every few years (yes, even the chapters on whaling). Anyway, I loved the line, which needs something artsy-craftsy done with it. Probably involving vintage maps.

    So: “It is not down in any map; true places never are.”

    If I didn’t know it was from Melville, I’d think Nick Bantock said it.

  122. 205

    Anne
    Thanks again. It’s worse than last time. Tomorrow or the day after I’ll have to make the decision.
    I still hope that he’ll recover and stay around for a few months longer, but I don’t know. Maybe it’d be best to put him down before he’s at his worst again, so at least his last hours won’t be as awful.
    It’s the first pet I have to put down, and he is the only pet that has been with for such a long period of time. He outlasted all of my friendships and he’s closer to me than any other family member.

  123. 207

    Alexander Z
    *hugs*
    I’m sorry about the kitty. You’ll do the right thing.

    Dalillama
    Big serious hugs. I wished I could do more.

    +++
    Self care: I bought the theatre tickets for A Christmas Carol for me and the kids. We’ll re-watch the Muppet version before again to get ready for the story and maybe manage to read it together once my voice returns. And after the play we’ll go for dinner in that Korean franchise restaurant the kids like for some reasons and then we’ll go to the christmas market and eat churros and watch the flying Santa. I’m really looking forward to that. I absolutely enjoy those rare occasions when the girls and I get to spend some absolute quality time together

  124. 209

    Thank you, rq and giliell!

    It is done. I took my cat to be put to sleep today and buried him. He had a false recovery. He stopped eating yesterday at all, he wouldn’t even touch a helping of two types of cheese, pork fat (salo) and cat cans. He would only drink, and even that barely.
    He wasn’t in a lot of pain and he was still able to jump, but his weight dropped to just 2.6kg. That’s from 3.5kg last month and down from his normal 5.5kg.
    The vet said that it was the right choice. All of his inner organs were failing or about to fail.

    I’ll probably be sharing some stories about him over the following days.

    Thank you for being there for me.

  125. 215

    Thank you, CaitieCat, Anne, giliell!

    I’ve promised a cat story so here’s one:
    You’ve all said that he was a beautiful cat, and it seems that cat standards for beauty much ours. I remember one night when I had meowing from the yard outside the window. I came to see what was my cat doing again, but this time it wasn’t him – a female street cat was calling to him and occasionally doing a little turn on the spot.
    They didn’t get it off, but he did meet a different girlfriend – she was neutered (and he had no genitals at all, just a large opening for the urethra because of the kidney condition that started when he was 2) as well and in many ways looked like him – well groomed (she was a house cat, but with permanent access to the street), short haired and was black and white. They would often seat side by side quietly, occasionally brushing each other with their heads.
    Their silence was odd because my cat was half Siamese and was usually very loud and outspoken. She was the only one he was silent with.

  126. 216

    Good morning
    Hey, I felt moderately functional for a full 5 minutes after waking up. Thanks to the meds I got I could sleep last night without trying to cough up a lung every 15 minutes.
    Bad news: I think we have a wasp nest somewhere in the living room. Today was the second time I found a wasp in here in the morning after the windows were all closed at night.

    Alexander
    That’S a beautiful story. I can almost see them, looking out over a city (don’t tell me there was no city in sight, it’S just too beautiful not to be there).

  127. rq
    217

    AlexanderZ
    *hugs*
    Besides peeing in the corners, he sounds like an all-round great kitty. I’m sad his friends and his adopted family will miss him. 🙁

    Giliell
    Might not have a nest yet, they could be hatching out of the windowsill (wood…?), esp. if it’s cool outside and warmer inside the house. Which just means random wasps hatching overnight, but no established nest.
    Buuut if I were you, I’d check for a nest, too… Good luck!

    +++

    Speaking of cats, ElderCat went out for his usual 2 – 3 hour constitutional in the backyard, and hasn’t been back for a week. 🙁 Husband says he spotted him at the neighbour’s yesterday morning, but he hasn’t shown up at the windowsill. I’m worried.
    Knowing him, though, he’s probably with his second family, eating yummier food, and overall enjoying himself. And just avoiding the dog in the backyard, even though he’s been thoroughly competent at that until now.

  128. 221

    Hi Everyone,
    Alexander I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your stories with us. I look forward to more of them.

    My Little old lady is sleeping well and doing okay. Her family had to give her an ultimatum but it seemed to do the trick. She has reached the acceptance stage and we can now have a little fun. We spent one whole morning going through photo albums and she looked radiant as sharing her life with me.

    Giliell I think your self care sounds wonderful. This is the first time in years I feel anything besides dread about the holidays. I am even looking forward to decorating and maybe baking. I also may not get too much time off to do much more than that, but I would love to go see some live play or music or at least go see a movie.

    I also started two conversations at my last meeting at church and I don’t have to take Benadryl before I go in. Yay me.

    Hugs, Higs and winning lottery numbers for all.

    Cal

  129. 222

    Change in plans: instead of spending Christmas in Baltimore, I’ll be going down to take part in the Million Woman March. I’m kind of excited by that. A huge protest is way more my thing than Christmas with my partner’s Trumpista family, even when we ordered Black Lives Matter t-shirts for the occasion. 😀

  130. 223

    Thank you, cal, wmdkitty, Tony, Beatrice!

    rq
    That is very worrying, but, wait… he has two families? How very prudent of him!

    cal
    Self care is extremely important at these times 🙁
    Take care!

    CaitieCat
    It’s great that you’re excited about it, but please try to keep safe. I hope the protest goes well.

  131. 225

    CaitieCat
    Seriously, take care. It ain’t safe down here anymore, less than it was. A couple guys shouting homophobic slurs chased L for a couple blocks when he went to the store earlier. On Sunday he was accosted by someone demanding to know if he was ‘one of those Jews’. It ain’t good.

  132. rq
    227

    Dalillama
    *safehugs*
    Thinking safe thoughts your way. 🙁

    CaitieCat
    Good luck with the march, have fun (the jackbooted kind, of course), and be as safe as possible! ♥

    AlexanderZ
    I think his Other Family feeds him better. On the plus side, I think they taught him how to be a real cuddle-puss, else he’s getting soft in his old(er) age (he’s about 8), because he never used to crawl into laps and beg to be scritched – then again, he only does that with me.
    I want him to come hoooooooooome. His real home.

  133. 228

    On continued sick leave until Monday…
    My sister and I, we may not look anything alike, but damn we are in some matters. When I showed up at my GP on Monday my doc was not happy with me because I had neglected my blood tests. This morning I met my sister at the GP’s by chance. She just wanted to get her prescription renewed when the doc caught her. “You haven’t been in here in ages! Your bloodworks are overdue!”

    Dalillama
    Big hugs. Stay as safe as possible.

    Caitie
    Yay for showing them! I hope that protest is only going to be the first of its kind.

    +++
    Aren’t my parents assholes?
    As you may remember, my grandma died a year and a half or so ago. Now my parents want to renovate grandma’s ground level flat for themselves, barriers free for old age and then they want to rent out the first floor flat they’re living in now. That means they’re kicking out my sister. Yes, the very sister who took a few years off her own life to care for grandma. Yes, the very sister without whom my alcoholic mother would probably be dead. But hey, now she’s OK again, why spend a minute on the person who made sure you got a chance?

  134. rq
    230

    Giliell
    *hugs*
    I’d understand switching apartments with your sister so as to not leave her homeless, but kicking her out…? Urgh.

    +++

    So I’m in a bit of a quandary right now and I’m not sure what to do. It has to do with serial sexual harrassment in a professional environment by one of my more general colleagues (different unit) against our cleaning staff (n = 1). Unwanted touching and commentary and the like. She insists she’s okay handling it herself and doesn’t want to go to any management, but I can’t help wanting this in some kind of official record at the very least. At the same time, I’m a bit hesitant about this since I (think I) have a pretty reasonable idea of what kind of reception this sort of complaint would receive. So far I’ve heard the excuses “he’s always been like that” (several years, approaching 20, I think?), “at his age…” and “it’s a man thing”.
    What to do?

  135. 231

    Hi Everyone,
    Looks like the shit is starting to hit the fan in certain quarters. Not so excited about coming out to the group on Friday night anymore. As it gets closer I find myself coming up with a different narrative that slides by gender and sexual orientation and making up a bullshit story. Nothing like joining a group that encourages authenticity by starting out with a lie.

    I have to tap into some kind of courage from somewhere.

    The other thing that is ongoing is the theft and destruction of our Black Lives Matter signs. We have our third one bolted as high as we can put it. The other two were torn down, destroyed and left in the parking lot.

    Dalillama

    I don’t know who L is but I am so sorry they had to experience that fucking shit.

    Giliell

    Your parents sound about as charming as my parents were. I was always the caretaker and I am a good one. I am saving my care taking skills for my chosen family and my kids.

    The people I am practically living with are starting to feel buyers remorse regarding their chosen candidate. Too little too late motherfuckers!

    Be well and eat chocolate.

    Cal

  136. 232

    Rq

    You could start to document and date everything this person is telling you. They may not want to do anything now but if shit goes south you will have a documented narrative if they ever need help.

    I use to do this with problem employees when they were spending too much time edging the rules and not getting work completed. It even came in handy once.

    Cal

  137. 233

    Cal
    L is my husband.

    Not so excited about coming out to the group on Friday night anymore.

    I misrecall what group that is, but all my sympathies on that score.
    Giliell
    *Hugs* what assholes.
    rq
    Ugh. No advice, just sympathy.

  138. 234

    AlexanderZ: I think that there is something about positive outlook that is useful here. I do not know how to express it in terms that would make a difference.
    In all, I can only say what is happening in my life may be useful in yours.
    My daughter is finally in rehab. It has been a long long time getting to this point.
    She calls me twice or more per day. She sounds healthy and purposeful. In all, I can only trust. As others live their lives I am only a lone observer. My druthers are not necessarily those of whom I watch. Yet, watching is my only resource. Love is the defining quotient. I shall pursue that way. I have no other meansl

  139. 235

    And now comes my friend and son of my landlord. He is also trying to beat the beast of opiates. How, I ask myself, can I reassure him that ones own will is greater than the allure of a drug when he, himself, has given over that authority?
    In the same fashion that my surviving daughter claims authority over her own life Henry shows that the drug is more potent than love; more useful than truth.
    I am left judging that which, however judged, is less than satisfactory. That which will, in fact, entail death. I am so afraid of this, not so much for its certainty but for its uselessness.
    In the case of my surviving daughter I am encouraged. In the case of so many others, not so much. Please, lean with me into the need. So many die for so little reason.

  140. 237

    Hey, all.

    Sorry I’ve been away so long. I had problems getting notifications of new comments, then problems posting and I just didn’t want to deal with them at the time and then they fell off my radar, and then meatspace had things to deal with.

    And then I spent a week trying to come to terms with this shit. Still not there.

  141. 238

    Hello, barkeeperin.

    Yeah. Meatspace.
    Imagine if there were not meat. What, then, would we eat?
    Be brave and eat gently. Know also that while you eat you are also being eaten. Of such bargains are our lives lived out.
    A large grin to you, in hopes that you will, in turn, grin back.

  142. 239

    Crudely Wott
    I’m glad your daughter is in rehab. I wish her, and you, all the best. How’re the mancubs coping?

    Hello Barkeeperin
    *waves*

    HUgs for Cal

    +++
    Yeah, my fucking parents. This is a new low for them. For all their abusiveness at least they used to be generous. And I get that my mother’s early retirement took a big chunk out of her pension so their financial plans are off*, and I know my sister’s presence will always remind them of “bad times”, but this, this is just cruel.

    Well, if shit hits the fan we can turn our attic into a room for her…

    *Maybe they could, I don’t know, buy less shit? Or think about selling a car because two retired people really don’t need two cars. But all they ever do is whine a fight, blaming each other.

    +++
    Got up this morning, took the kids to school, did the grocery shopping and now I’m totally exhausted. Back to bed.

  143. 240

    Dalillama
    Fuck. This fascist plague is spreading everywhere. Does L has at least have pepper spray or a switchblade or any other protection?

    giliell
    Yep, your parents are assholes. But you’re a great sister – your sister is lucky to have you!

    rq
    About half a year ago I was in a similar situation, but with the status of the harasser and the harassed reverse. The woman in question also didn’t want to make a fuss*, but she was positively terrified whenever she would meet him.
    I came to a senior co-worker (woman) for advice on what to do and she encouraged me to go the head of HR (also woman) instead of any male boss. After reporting the harasser was eventually fired.
    My case was much easier in that the harasser was easier to fire and me being a man and having a high ranked woman to report to, but I think Cal gave a good advice – document to have supporting evidence.

    *I’ve told her that I’m going to report it before I actually reported it. She wasn’t against it and just wanted to make sure that her name didn’t come up.

    Cal

    As it gets closer I find myself coming up with a different narrative that slides by gender and sexual orientation and making up a bullshit story. Nothing like joining a group that encourages authenticity by starting out with a lie.

    It’s a very personal matter. Nobody will hold it against you for trying to present your life story in a form that is more comfortable to you. Those are new people and nothing says that you have to trust them entirely with the cold truth.
    We all tell white lies, and if and when a time comes when you can trust those people more you can tell your truth as is.

    Crudely Wrott
    Thank you. I take a lot of strength in this forum and in your words!

    My daughter is finally in rehab. She calls me twice or more per day. She sounds healthy and purposeful.

    That’s wonderful! Her getting treatment and also keep in touch with you is definitely a good sign.

  144. 241

    Good morning all,

    At least it’s morning in these here parts and a beautiful one at that.

    AlexanderZ

    Thank you for the reply, I was thinking along the same line as you and have figured out a way to streamline my history. Once I had the outline in my head I began to feel more confident. I am use to and enjoy public speaking but I am a bit rusty so I have been running the bullet points in my head since I got up this morning. It’s going to be fine. If I cry it will still be fine.

    I was reading Miri this morning, she has a pretty good new post out. I had a vision of Hillary winning and me marching into the meet-up triumphant and ready to take on the world. Boy, was I wrong and that has been laid on top of everything else.

    I am actually working with one of the cruelest family dynamics I have seen in a long time. I was able to process and depersonalize and go to work in spite of the circumstances and I will be very happy when I don’t have to see these people ever again. The twelve hour shifts should change now that the daughter is back from out of state and more rest is always good.

    Hugs and Higs and Chocolate for anyone who wants them. I will leave a tray of them just outside the pillow fort.

    Cal

  145. 242

    Alexander

    But you’re a great sister – your sister is lucky to have you!

    Thanks, and I’m lucky to have her. WE’Re probably going to save each other’s butts for the rest of our lives

    Cal
    Sometimes I wonder who invented families….

    +++
    Uh-ohhh
    I think I may have a professional conflict with one of my colleagues. I covered for him during his holiday and now he covered for me while I was sick but apparently the Thursday – Friday group preferred my teaching style and asked him to do more stuff like I did.
    He’s a great guy. Very dedicated and a good role model for the students as he is an immigrant who had to learn German as an adult as well. But he isn’t a teacher in the sense that he got a teaching degree so he sticks to the books and I don’t. I tried to defuse by saying the students just had to cope with the fact that I am me and he is himself and that no teaching style will ever suit all student.

  146. 243

    RTT (old news, but still relevant):
    Putin suspends nuclear pact, raising stakes in row with Washington

    But on Monday, Putin issued a decree suspending an agreement, concluded in 2000, which bound the two sides to dispose of surplus plutonium originally intended for use in nuclear weapons.

    The 2010 agreement, signed by Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and then-U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, called on each side to dispose of 34 tonnes of plutonium by burning it in nuclear reactors.

    Clinton said at the time that there was enough of the material to make almost 17,000 nuclear weapons. Both sides back then viewed the deal as a sign of increased cooperation between the two former Cold War adversaries.

    Russia withdraws signature from international criminal court statute

    Russia has said it is formally withdrawing its signature from the founding statute of the international criminal court, a day after the court published a report classifying the Russian annexation of Crimea as an occupation.

    In recent months, three African countries who were all full members of the ICC – South Africa, Burundi and Gambia – have signalled their intention to pull out, following complaints that ICC prosecutions focused excessively on the African continent.

    The Russian foreign ministry made the announcement on Wednesday on the orders of the president, Vladimir Putin, saying the tribunal had failed to live up to hopes of the international community and denouncing its work as “one-sided and inefficient”.

  147. 244

    I made it through and was almost the last person to share my journey, but I made it!

    It felt wonderful to be in such a great community of accepting people who are doing good progressive works. I feel my life getting back on track.

    I want to say a special Thank You to everyone here at the pub. As I shared last night, I could not have come this far without the support of an on-line community of accepting people first. I also am in good company with fellow atheists and agnostics in the group, but mainly quite a few former catholics. This is a good fit. I don’t know if Crip Dyke reads here or is on FTB anymore but I will also always feel a tremendous sense of gratitude towards her and also to PZ for giving her the space to teach.

  148. 247

    Anne, Such A nasty Cat Lady

    Thank You so much, I am currently vacillating between anxiety about the USG and joy about my chosen family. It’s bittersweet for sure; emphasis on the bitter part.

    Hugs and chocolates for anyone who wants them.
    Cal

  149. 248

    Cal, I’m really glad to hear that you are so happy with how things are going. 🙂

    Thursday night, I was at a local high school, where their GSA put together an LGBTQ information night for parents and students. I spoke about my history, of coming out, losing all my family and friends, of beatings and job loss and HIV/AIDS and everything. Participated in a breakout session on trans issues with the most wonderful young trans man, 14 and with full support of his parents and friends for his transition. The kids filled me with hope; granted they’re exceptional somewhat (in being out and queer in high school), but their understanding and practice of social justice is deep and heartfelt.

    Last night, I went to see Fantastic Beasts, the new Potter spin-off, and found it good. The lead actor spoiled it a little for me, as he could basically have been cosplaying as the Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith): same posture, same way of walking, similar voices with similar accents…I found this distracting. But generally, good film.

    Heard from Craig (my flatmate) that our friends think I’m doing better than they’ve seen in a while. I’ve begun wearing a little makeup again (first time since I stopped working, other than special occasions), and have been out and active a lot more. It’s really nice to have that affirmation from my friends, especially when I wasn’t around to hear it. Can’t say why – maybe better self-esteem from volunteering a bunch? – but I definitely seem to be improving. I’ll take that, with thanks.

  150. 249

    Cal
    Glad you had a good time

    Caitie
    Good to hear that, too.

    I’ve begun wearing a little makeup again (first time since I stopped working, other than special occasions)

    Sometimes, make up is selfcare. I remember when I was working through all my personal shit and suddenly started to feel like a person again, a person who deserves some attention. Make up was part of it: This body is worth that you take some time and take care of it and not just to the level that you brush your teeth because others could take exception at your breath.

    By now I’m wondering how many shades of gold/copper/brown eyeshadow are still ok and how many indicate “critical behaviour” 😉

    +++
    Why couldn’t one of us be a tidy person?
    Oh, right, because we’d never have made it so far if either of us were. Looks like we must have a “sort important papers” session tomorrow.

  151. 250

    Cal
    Sounds like you’ve had a good time!

    CaitieCat
    It’s great that you’re feeling better! You’ve been posting more, too, and don’t disappear for months. Great to have you back 🙂

    Another cat story:
    My cat was a real fighting cat despite being rather average (5.5kg) in build. As a kid (up to his second year) he would attack just about anyone, sometimes charging groups of half a dozen younger cats and throwing them everywhere.
    I’m not very proud of that phase, but he quickly changed. After his operations (starting at 2y.o. and lasting till 4y.o.) he decided that he’s going only to punch up and confronted only dogs he didn’t like (well behaved dogs that didn’t chase or bark at cats had nothing to fear) and the toughest street cats in the neighborhood.
    One evening I saw two such cats, huge beasts with mangy fur and scar all over their heads, walking up the stairs to my apartment. Those cats ruled two different halves of a street and were usually hostile to one another, but this time they paired up and sat in front of my door for several hours until they got bored and went off.
    My cat, who was over 10y.o. by then, wisely decided not to open the door. Instead he waited for them to leave and refused to go to the litter box at all. A few hours after they left, in the middle of the night, he opened the door, went out to the spot where the two cats had most of their territorial disputes and pissed a meter long lake of urine, taking care to walk up and down the pavement as he was pissing to really spread that smell.

    After that I understood why those two cats would team up against him.

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    That’s some kind of cat you’ve got there, Alexander Z. In fact, I’d say that was a Yo Kitty!

    How do you know when you’re looking at a Yo Kitty? Easy.

    When that cat does something so amazing that you shout out, “Yo! Kitty! you know you’ve go a Yo Kitty.

    ((Or, in my preferred parlance, a Yo Kiddun which devolves into My Good Kiddun nun nun nun nun. My nun nun. Kiddy like lap? Is you wanna get ride up? Ok! Yummy, Kiddun, looka you gid ride up. Ats is my nun nun, you like lap, Kiddy, ats you like lap. (Now, don’t go spreading this silly talk around. I only say such things in the privacy of one guy, one cat and it just wouldn’t do to have everyone else tittering on about such foolishness, no would it?))

    It’s Cal, it’s good to hear of your success. I’m grinning for your telling of it. It should be easier for you now, what with knowing how to present yourself and speak with truth and compassion and justice. Big thumbs up and keep on keepin’ on.
    _______________

    Daughter is struggling to find acceptance in the world of halfway houses and recovery. She is a strong willed woman who also speaks clearly and forcefully. Such honesty just got her 86’d from the Oxford House. Someone felt threatened. Also, she (we) haven’t crossed the palms of the house so someone might have felt stiffed. I thought it was a house of compassion but I might have been wrong.
    She is in a private home now in the company of more mature women. Says she is safe and feels confident. I’m still dealing with the fear and the worry since I haven’t the resources to see that she has “the very best in cutting edge care”. I used to have that kind of clout. A helpless father is helpless.

  153. 252

    Crudely
    There’s only one person who can really help your daughter now and that is herself, but you know that already. That doesn’t mean that good care isn’t important. Unfortunately, it also usually means that there’s a bunch of people who are all already battling their own demons more or less thrown together.

    +++
    I’ve had an idea, please tell me what you think.
    It is known that people grossly overestimate the number of muslims/immigrants. And I found myself wondering how my own knowledge clashed with my perception. How come that the majority of people you see on the street look like they are immigrants from muslim majority countries?
    Then it struck me: poor people are on the streets, wealthy people are in cars. I don’t notice the 200 white people who pass me in their cars, but I see the 30 swarthy young men I see on the sidewalk.

  154. 253

    Crudely Wrott
    You’re a great father, you’ve given and continue to give your daughter far more than most parents would. You’re doing a lot for her!

    giliell
    Spot on!
    That’s also why certain racist/bigoted laws try to remove minorities from sparsely populated areas and place them in dense ghettos. That way a minority looks larger than it really is and further actions against it become easier to justify.

    P.S.
    This message may appear twice because my ISP provider is going under :/

  155. 254

    Sorry that I’ve not been around to support everyone, but at the moment the whole world is just one mass of depressing news. I’m sorry that I’ve had to retreat into myself when so many of you need support too. My spoons are running dry.

  156. 256

    You touch on something that’s lately become evident to me, giliell, the clash of struggling personalities in treatment centers. Managing such groups has to be one of the world’s toughest jobs. Stringent rules are needed to fill the gaps in management talent and resource. Similar to boot camp.

    Case in point: my daughter had to leave the facility she was in due to a failed UA. She has had recent dental work done and has a stubborn abscess for which she took some non-prescribed percocet. She told the group and they felt that that was allowable. What set them off was that the UA showed THC. Daughter told me she spent a few minutes in a room which smelled like pot was just smoked. She doesn’t care for the stuff and thought little of it. She was there arranging for a ride to submit a job app. Still, she had to pack up and leave.

    Two good things: 1) if she comes back in a week and pees clean she’ll be welcomed back into the group. 2) there is a gentleman in town who has provided shelter to people like my daughter while they are in such limbos. He’s also a foster parent taking in kids who aren’t at the top of the wish lists of potential adopting families, if you know what I mean. He’s providing shelter and counsel in the interim. I’ll be meeting him tomorrow, most likely.

    Still, I am becoming a bit skeptical, not much but some, about the true value of these half way houses. They are not in the business of healing people but they are, thankfully, in the business of providing a home base that is needed for recovery.

    My daughter knows that it’s her job to guide and manage her life. I’ve told her often enough and will continue. That hard truth is softened by telling her that I’ll stand with her no matter what. Also she has an extended family in my sibs and their children. They have extended their love and concern to help defray the costs that are involved. A coveted lifeline right now.

    AlexanderZ, thanks for the support. Kind words mean a lot! and are helpful!

    Bragimike, it’s OK to retreat. I’ve sure as shit done my share. I’ve found that the most important part of the retreat is the emergence when it’s done it’s work. If for no other reason than coming up for air and a fresh look around.

    I now haz PayPal which my youngest brother used to send some bucks for my daughter’s expenses. I put it off for a long time because “what’s this new-fangled innertubes banking business? good way to get money stolen!” OK, so I just joined the 21st century, why are they looking at me like that?
    If anyone feels like dropping a couple of bucks for she and I you can use this handy dealio: paypal.me/CarlSmith100. (that’s one hundred after my RL name; it just happened to be offered up when I set up the account and one hundred is a stalwart number that I’ve always considered to be of the highest caliber without being unduly demonstrative about it-so I took it!)
    I’ll do my best to acknowledge any contributions. In return I could email a few of my photos of spiders and other lil’ friends.

    Here’s hoping that all of you find strength and purpose as we watch the impending transfer of power. I’m not yet sure what to make of what it all will mean but I’m doing my best to stay informed. No matter what, people of good will must band together and support the foundational ideal that we are all equals and share common rights and responsibilities. We are an inclusive nation. That ideal is under attack and we cannot allow the good work that has been done at such great cost in our lifetimes to be undone. Solidarity!

  157. 257

    Heya
    HUgs and higs assorted.

    Today I did something I never thought I would. I actually pulled an “Yeah, but this is Germany” on one of my students and I’m not even sorry. That dude has some serious problems with authority, especially when it comes in the female form. Whenever I “win” such a power struggle he becomes aggressive, slams chairs and such. Not against me, which I hope he knows would be the most stupid thing he could do, but I’m borderline afraid of him. Today I insisted that we clean up around our location, everybody together. It took me a full 10 minutes to shepherd everyone out and then he tried to send the women back because “in his country that is not ok, women don’t do that”.
    Apart from the blatant challenge to my authority, try to enforce gender segregated work with me and you lose.

  158. rq
    260

    bragimike
    Hi. I’m still around, apologies. I’ve been keeping low for various reasons, one of which is the seasonal depression and “maybe I should just quit” feelings of headdesking related to work. I think it’s because the annual reviews float around this time of year, and it just reminds me of how slowly things are moving forward and how godsdamned frustrated I am with the system.
    (And then, of course, they hit me up with a surprise bonus, and I’m forced into liking things as they are again.)

    Giliell
    Hooray for you!
    Also, I blame you: we are down three for three with potential strep throat (that’s me!), a mild form of rotavirus (Youngest – and I say ‘mild’ because it seems to be a family trait that stomach viruses have no real power over us for extended period of time *spits three times over left shoulder*) and a deep cough that could be pneumonia (Middle Child – blood test results pending).

    +++

    I’m ignoring the rest of the world and focussing on getting my motivation back. It feels like those dreams, where you have to run from some terrible thing but the air has been turned into molasses and it just takes huge amounts of effort to get a minimum of speed. Except without the terrible things, I guess, unless you count my good friend the almost-Canadian-potatoes-cheesecurds-and-gravy dish across the border.
    Anyway. I’m tired.

  159. 261

    rq
    Hey, we don’t have strep throat! Though I still have a persistent dry cough…
    #1’s been under the weather as well. Let’s see how that goes.

    +++
    I’ve found a New Thing To Do which ich knitting on a loom. “Real” knitting always escaped me, but this is fun and easy for small stuff and I already finishe the first hat.

    +++
    Thanks. If it’s good, why does it feel bad? In the end, it was a decision between bad and worse. That particular dude is an intersectional clusterfuck, so to speak. He was one of those who came to Germany with a lot of false expectations. He’s got a college degree nobody wants (political science) and is just one of a million refugees when he clearly used to be “somebody”. Most of his family died in Aleppo. He’s unhappy here and he also can’t go back.
    He’s also a weaponsgrade asshole. A nazi, misogynist, entitled dude.
    In the end I made somebody who is already feeling powerless feel even more so.

  160. 262

    rq it’s good to hear from you. I’m sorry that things aren’t very good. It’s definitely the time of year for feeling down and for children getting infections. I hope things improve soon. There’s still an inexhaustible supply of pillows and I’m sure Tony won’t mind if you help yourself to a beverage of your choice.

    Giliell it sounds like you were between a rock and a hard place withthat situation. I think you did the right thing. I guess it’s not just the individual, but the whole class, that needs to understand the way things are.

  161. 263

    bragimike
    I’m always cautious about “making them understand the way things are” while being sensitive to the fact that “the way things are” doesn’t necessarily mean “better”. Though in this case of course I think that gender segregation and gender roles are bullshit.
    Also, a recent study found that actually, their ideas and values aren’t much different from ours.
    Actually, the same percentage, 92%, as Germans believe that equality between the sexes is an important part of a democracy, but we all know how that lip service plays out in the real world when people still think that there are fixed gender roles*.
    21% of refugees and 22% of Germans think we need a strong leader. 87% are for a separation of state and church (92% respectively).
    And most of the young men in my groups are not better or worse than their German counterparts. Many of them enjoy the liberal freedoms here (like booze).
    How well they adjust always depends on many objective as well as subjective factors: What did they go through, where’s their family, but also, who were they before the war, what did they expect from Germany and what are their goals. Many of them have very realistic goals, from learning a trade to going to college, they know what they need to do for that and they work towards it. There are people who din’t have any chances back at home, who couldn’t go to school and cannot read or write in Arabic either. As hard as learning all the things others learned a children is for them, they also feel like they have a chance for the first time in their lives, so while they have it objectively harder than someone who went to college and speaks and writes fluent English, it can be subjectively easier.

    *The concrete roles can be very different. Many of the guys have professions / had jobs your average western dude wouldn’t touch with a pole.

    +++
    I decided to get my ears pierced again. But don’t tell anybody, I want to see if the family notices.

    +++
    Pro-tip for small businesses that struggle in the age of the internet. Don’t be a snob towards new trends. I wanted to get a bigger knitting loom and I consciously decided to try the small shop first.
    Ok, they don’t have knitting looms, but the lady really said it with an air of superiority and then tried to talk me into learning “real” knitting.
    Their bad, Amazon’s luck.

  162. 264

    Good news!

    1. Today is Mr’s and my 17th anniversary of kissing under the mistletoe.

    2. I finally got a place for the second part of my teacher training from January onwards!

  163. 266

    We (Husband, Younger Daughter, and I) just saw Fantastic Beasts. It was fun, and kind of sweet. Although I did wonder, when the buildings started exploding, when the Avengers were going to show up. It’s been quite the family weekend; Thursday we went to Aged Mum’s, and yesterday we went to the Japanese marketplace in Costa Mesa.

    I do miss Elder Daughter on these expeditions. Especially when I’m trying to identify that raptor hovering just off the freeway. She had her own Thursday dinner, though – she got a big slab of salmon, and her landlords helped her grill it on their barbeque, and they gave her some roast potatoes. But I’ll be glad to see her when she visits over Christmas break.

  164. 267

    I have Tim Tams. This is happymaking. For the uninitiated, these are Australian chocolate biscuits, covered in chocolate, usually served cold. Nearest thing in the UK is Penguin bars, not sure of equivalents elsewhere.

    I’ve watched so much Swedish and Danish TV lately, I’m beginning to feel comfortable skipping the subtitles on some lines. Much more, and I might have to get myself a Learn Swedish book to get it properly down. Knowing German helps. I was pleased to watch a show in Austrian German recently, and discover that once I understood the accent, I could follow pretty comfortably.

    Not Danish, though, that’s much harder, as they seem to swallow half the syllables they produce.

    /linguistic geekery (a sign of health and happiness in me)

  165. 268

    CaitieCat, mmm Tim Tams! Cost Plus started carrying them a few months ago, and I bought some because they were mentioned in one of Seanan McGuire’s Incryptid books. Also because, dark chocolate. Younger Daughter eats them for breakfast, and all other times of day. They are indeed delicious.

  166. 269

    So, it’s bad enough that 2016 has been rather crappy, but Nov seems to have rolled a years worth of crap into one month. And now I have to get through Dec (I’ve never been a huge fan of “The Holidays”). I expect to be spending most of it in the pillow fort with however many bottles of Scotch are required. Harumph. I will try to poke my head out from time to time to see what’s going on, but may not have much to say.

    It is good to see posts from those that have been keeping low profiles lately – *raises glass in acknowledgment*

    OK, back to this week’s “urgent” project.

  167. rq
    271

    bragimike
    I’m rather terrified of how they’re going to mangle the original short story. Also, I’m rather curious about how they’re going to adapt the original story to movie format. 🙂
    (I first read it in a collection of Canadian short fiction. I think it was supposed to be a series but in the end they only came out with two anthologies that I know of, and I’ve misplaced them both somewhere in Canada, but there’s lots of incredible fiction in both.)

  168. 272

    rq I’d heard that the short story was very good. The reviews that I’ve seen suggest that they’ve made a reasonable job of transferring it to film, though I’m in no position to judge as I’ve neither read the story or seen the film! I’ll shut up now!

  169. 273

    bragimike, I’ve been told it’s an excellent film, and I’m looking forward to seeing it, for sure. Just need to find someone to see it with, as Craig the flatmate has already been.

    Now off to volunteer! First, a brisk walk of approximately 1km, followed by three hours of typing condolence letters, then another kilometre home. Good for my heart, not much fun for my hip (but there’s no single bus that could shorten the trip, so shank’s mare it is).

  170. 274

    This week’s urgent project? Sleep!
    Not getting nearly enough of it. But my new future neighbour is the best. I asked her for a recipe for some christmas cookies and of course she gave it to me, but she also kindly offered to invite the kids over to make those cookies with her because I have enough to do.

    Caitie

    I was pleased to watch a show in Austrian German recently, and discover that once I understood the accent, I could follow pretty comfortably.

    I always need something like 5 Minutes to get acquainted with a particular accent. But I’m also the person who searches Youtube for Indian cooking videos…

  171. 275

    And since I never finish thinking before I post:

    Bobble Hat. Kindly modelled by Eyeore.

    Also, I looked for some dresses for the girls online. There was everything from pretty to cute to ugly and also drop dead gorgeous and there was the category “holy fuck, who pays 250€ for a kid’s dress”?

  172. 276

    bragimike

    rq I’d heard that the short story was very good.

    I’ve heard the same, and have the short story collection on hold at the library (Stories of your life and others by Ted Chiang). Not sure if I’ll make it out to the theater to see the movie or wait til it shows up on cable or Netflix.

  173. rq
    277

    The short story is very good. I enjoyed it very much, though I was always left a little confused about how, just by learning an alien language, you can also learn to see past, present and future.

  174. 278

    I have a concert which is entirely Christmas music tomorrow. Wish me luck!

    Daughter has had a cough for three weeks now. We’re all getting disturbed sleep patterns as she’s having coughing fits in the night. Luckily we have a Doctor’s appointment later today.

    Thank goodness for the NHS! It’s one of the advantages of living in the UK. How anyone in the US gets by, I just don’t know. Over the years I’ve had two heart operations, my wife has had operations on her feet, my daughter has had numerous stays in hospital, and my Dad’s last days were made bearable. All due to the NHS and therefore didn’t cost us anything other than our National Insurance payments. How any civilized country can function without universal health care is beyond me!

  175. 280

    I’m with you, bragimike; our Canadian system of healthcare is, for me, outstanding. Despite all the health issues I’ve presented them with over the years, never a thin dime of my own spent beyond ordinary taxes. My doctor even makes house calls, in urgent situations. I would be completely out of luck in the US: I couldn’t afford either the doctors or the meds, and the meds I need are harder to come by (legally) in the US.

    Canada is about to deregulate marijuana, which will make my life easier – one doesn’t like having to make friends criminals because theyre helping a sister out, and I’d rather pay taxes than a black market. All in all, there are very, very few places I’d be able to live comfortably – maybe Scandinavia, or the Netherlands?

    Anyway, I hope your daughter’s cough clears up soon. 🙂

    Hugs and higs and bison- er, bosoms- I mean, bosons. Y’all are really good for me.

  176. 282

    Heya

    bragimike
    Sounds like the nasty stuff I caught. Knocked me out for a full week and I’m still coughing, though fortunately no longer during the night. Dry, nasty cough that leaves you breathless.

    +++
    Wasn’t it the job of retired parents to make their working children’s lives easier? Why didn’t my mother get the memo and instead behaves like a toddler who gets upset if they can’t get everything NOW?
    Apart from the fact that she’s acting like the last 5 years never happened.

    +++
    Also, my GPS apparently thought I was riding my flying unicorn when it sent me to a green field with an invisible bridge over the river…

  177. 283

    Bragimike

    How anyone in the US gets by, I just don’t kno

    mostly, we suffer.

    Giliell

    Wasn’t it the job of retired parents to make their working children’s lives easier?

    I feel badly about relying so much on my parents financially, and mom makes sure that I keep feeling bad about it. And my aunt, who was going to give all of her nieces and nephew a considerable financial gift. But she has now decided that my credit rating is the most important problem I face, and wants to talk to me about ‘fixing’ it instead. My stress levels are very high lately.

  178. 284

    Dalillama
    Fortunately I don’t need them financially. In fact I don’t need them at all. You may remember that my mum’s an alcoholic, albeit a dry one at the moment and that she’s also very abusive. And right now she’s acting as if the last five years of her alcoholism getting seriously out of hand never happened and if the relationship we had before that was a healthy one and that she could just continue there.
    She just invites herself to things, like our trip to Ikea. Fortunately I found a way to stop that, but of course she tried to circumnavigate that as well.
    I do allow her to occasionally spend time alone with the kids. Now she wants to take them shopping for Christmas, which is OK in principle, but it needs to fit into our very busy schedule. But nonono, I need to rearrange everything to fit her needs. Watch my middle finger rise.

    But she has now decided that my credit rating is the most important problem I face, and wants to talk to me about ‘fixing’ it instead.

    So instead of giving you money you need now she wants to give money to the banks so you can improve your credit ratings so you can borrow money from the banks that you wouldn’t need to borrow if she gave the money to you instead. Makes total sense.

  179. rq
    286

    Giliell (and bragimike)
    That same thing (surprisingly deep dry cough for a surprisingly extended period) is making a run through our household, too. It’s what two of the kids have ended up having, as well as myself (on top of the other suspected stuff, false alarm, haha, now we’re just coughing through the night, but at least we’re doing it together, right?). I can’t wait for it to leave.

    Dalillama
    *hugs*

    bragimike
    Good luck with the concert! Hope it brings cheer to the performers and the audience.

    +++

    I had some funny stories but after Friday I think I’m going to wallow some more (mostly about the fact that I’m at a deadend with my job and I know I’ve been going on about it but I can’t figure out if it’s a real internal alarm or just the season – either way I don’t know what to do about it except keep working and feeling frustrated and being scared of making any kind of alternative plan).
    Anyway. Happy Saturday!

    (Also hello Beatrice in case you’re reading, hope you are well!)

  180. 287

    rq

    I’m at a deadend with my job

    Just put the job on auto pilot and enjoy the other parts o your life.
    After all, the job is just to provide some income so you can do stuff
    like sitting in the back yard watching the bugges, birds, flowers, occasional deer or bear, though if’n it’s a bear, you should probably go inside.
    Or, if’n you can see a roadway, you can sit out in front and watch the peoples going tooo and froooo about things they probably don’t really want to do.
    Or, you can read bookes.
    Or, just sit and think: thinking is the best way to travel.

    As for the coughing, it’s probably caused by the chemtrails.

  181. 288

    Have a nice Sunday everybody!
    Yesterday we did the christmas shopping with the kids. I have no idea how people can actually like that. And then we made sugar cookies with the kids and a friend each which is equally fun and exhausting.

    rq
    Sorry about the job situation. On the plus side, if you want to make a new plan, you can do it from the safe position of having a job that brings home the bacon.

    I have a cultural question for you.
    I know Latvia and Lithuania are different countries (even though most people here cannot tell them apart) but you do share some things, right?
    #1’s friend has a Lithuanian mother and whenever she comes over she’ll bring something, usually snacks. Yesterday she brought stuff related to cookie making, including a packet of flour. Is that typical? I mean, for Germans it might even be considered borderline insulting to bring something like flour. Not that I was, I’m just curious.

    Dalillama
    So that makes even less sense…

  182. 289

    [hugs]

    It’s Aged Mum Day. I love my Aged Mum, but I could really use a vacation from her neediness and demands. I mean, I thought when we hired those caregivers that they’d do things like grocery shopping, but no… Anyway, you all have a good Sunday, and I’ll see you later.

  183. 290

    Anne
    Big hugs. I can only imagine the stress. My BFF recently took her ageing mum in and I swear she and her husband must be saints to put up with it.

  184. 291

    Giliell, thanks, and hugs for you. We Do Not have room for my mum here, but that doesn’t stop Ratbag my baby sis from dropping the occasional hint about how nice it’d be if… Mind, they have more room than we do, but it’d be impossible for them to take our mom in because, Reasons.

    Not that it really matters, because she can’t stay in her home much longer even with 24/7 help. Next year when we have to start looking into nursing homes is not going to be nice for anybody.

    On the other hand, I was able to figure out why Caregiver M’s sewing machine doesn’t work any more: The power cord isn’t the right one for the sewing machine. It looks like she grabbed one for a portable CD player or radio when she packed it up last time. I left her sewing machine manual open to the relevant page with a sticky note attached.

  185. 292

    Sorry for the thread’rupt. I’m still having troubles with my PCs (at the moment I have one that barely works but can connect to the router and one that is brand new and can’t connect to anything, including USB devices).

    I have an important question to ask:
    Remember I told you that I’ve met someone at work and we’re having a great friendship which may or may not lead to a romantic relationship? Well, we’re at a point where romantic implications are unavoidable. We even had a talk about it. A talk that ended very badly.
    She said that she’s attracted to me, values our friendship greatly and loves me. Our biggest fear is that if the romantic part doesn’t work out we may lose our friendship as well because neither of us is emotionally experienced.
    So, what made the talk bad? Her having an anxiety attack because of our conversation. That even was horrifying, not because it was graphic or loud – on the contrary, she suffered in silence, but knowing what a strong and tough person she is and seeing her trembling like that was terrifying. She still is very stressed about it. And she wants me in her life in some way, she was very clear about that, despite it all. She also said that me being the first person she was ever comfortable with and the topic of our conversation led to that attack, but that the attack was inevitable since, as she said, she would have had it with anyone who is this close to her.

    I have no idea what to do. I don’t know whether we should put our relationship on hold if it causes her this much stress or not (she doesn’t want it to end and is very afraid that me seeing her anxiety attack would distance me as it may mean that she would have the same problem with future relationships). Should I recommend her going to see a doctor about some anti-anxiety medicine (she generally have problems with too much stress lately). Am I making it all worse by being there?
    She was very clear that she feared that I won’t be as joyful and funny as I used to be before witnessing that, so I now try to force myself to be extra funny, even though there is nothing to laugh about at all. During the incident I was worried whether she would have a heart attack right then and there (not a baseless fear given the medical history).

    I have no idea what to do. Any input at all would be extremely welcome. Thank you.

  186. rq
    293

    AlexanderZ
    I don’t have much advice about what to do with her, but I would say don’t try to force the funny – don’t make the anxiety attack the #1 thing in your mind every time you interact with her, remember how you were before. She’s still the same person, and you’re allowed to give yourself a bit of time and space to adjust to new information.
    In the end, though, I’m happy for you (and for her) and I hope you both have the willingness and courage to continue communicating so openly, and to really make a go of this relationship! Good luck!
    *hugs*

    Giliell
    Flour? That’s interesting. I wouldn’t consider it insulting, I would consider it just odd. I really can’t say if it’s culturally typical for Lithuanians, though. It isn’t for Latvians (salt, yes – that would be typical-ish, esp. for a first visit or in honour of a new habitat). Use it wisely?

    On the plus side, if you want to make a new plan, you can do it from the safe position of having a job that brings home the bacon.

    That is the current plan, even though more and more often lately I’m of a mind to just quit in a dramatic fashion, including tears of rage and screams of “YOU NEVER APPRECIATED ME ANYWAY!!!” Buuuut that might not go over well at the next job. :/

    Anne
    *hugs*
    You’re doing Good Things for Aged Mum, and that is a Good Thing, too.

    vereverum
    I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s really not much of an autopilot type of job. The reason it’s a frustrating deadend (right now) is because it’s a job I would really like to develop and do more with, but the situation in the current country is such that there just isn’t the opportunity or the effort made to create the opportunity.

  187. 294

    AlexanderZ:
    I don’t have any advice for how to handle the situation between you and your friend.
    I do have quite a few Facebook friends who have issues with anxiety and if you like, I can copy paste your post on FB. Since you’re not on FB, I can post any responses here. Perhaps you’d get some useful advice that way.

  188. 295

    Tony
    Thank you, Tony! That would be great. She told me that that was an ongoing problem (to a degree that she has different names for different stages of it) and I would like to know how best to handle that in the future.
    She does feel much better now, but she explained that those things can come on a monthly-bimonthly basis based on her general level of stress.

    rq
    Thank you! I tried to be relaxed and it worked. The moment I distracted myself enough, the conversation went great. I did ask her about her anxiety eventually (see above), but it was as if a load was taken off our shoulders – she was happy seeing me as my usual self and I was happy to see her as her usual self.
    Since that anxiety is recurring she told me it’s part of dating her. I’ll have to learn to deal with that too without freaking out afterwards (but I still want to find a way to take the edge off of it).
    BTW, did I mention that we are now dating? Because we are 🙂

    Buuuut that might not go over well at the next job.

    What kind of job would you want next?

    Anne
    You’ve done and are doing so much for your mom that your sister hardly has any right to criticize you and tell you how you should take care of her. You are the one doing all of the work and you are the one that gets to make the hard decisions.

    Dalillama
    *hugs*
    I myself managed only recently to get out of my bank-hell (I have my credit card for only over a month now), but now my friend (my gf, actually. Still weird writing that) is in the same shit-hole and I try to help as much as I can.
    Fuck modern capitalism.

    *hugs* to everyone else I haven’t got around to yet.

  189. 296

    Giliell, rq
    When my mother’s Russian friend visited her last year she brought with her a kilogram of pig lard (salo) a kilogram of sausages of all kinds and one whole frozen trout.
    Don’t ask me why.

  190. 297

    Alexander
    *hugs*
    I have nothing useful to say, just want to let you know you’re not being ignored.

    rq
    Tell us when the daydream starts involving chainsaws…

    Anne
    FWIW, my gran had to move twice: First from her house into a flat, then from a flat into a home. Both times she postponed it again and again, both times she was happy when she’d done it and wished she’d done so earlier.

    As for your sister: Boo! Sisters should be helpful!

  191. 298

    AlexanderZ:
    The first piece of advice I received was from Stephanie Zvan (yes, the same Stephanie Zvan who blogs at The Orbit):

    >>Biggest piece of advice is: You don’t get to decide for her the risk she’s allowed to take. If she’s willing to risk panic attacks, you don’t get to decide she’s not really up for that. She knows herself better than you do.

    However, you do get to decide whether being in the presence of a panic attack from someone you care about is too much for you. If it is, or if it’s something *you* would rather avoid, that’s something to bring up. You can work on solutions together if that’s the case, but framing it, out loud or in your head, as something you’re doing for her is going to lead to all kinds of messes.<<

  192. 299

    More advice from a friend for AlexanderZ:

    My advice, as someone who suffers from anxiety severely, is to not distance themselves. She stated clearly she is afraid of losing them. But he needs to decide if he is up for dealing with and being supportive of her As Is. If so, then proceed with tenderness and caring. And if she hasn’t seen a doc, she needs to. Anxiety attacks do feel and appear to be similar to a heart attack. It may take trial and error and therapy, but they can be managed to a degree.

  193. 301

    Silly clapping of hands for giliell!!! Ain’t love just such a delicious thing?

    Always nice to hear from rq. One of the local radio stations includes the letters r and q. It always makes me smile when it is announced. Public radio. That is, radio that is mostly funded by listeners. I contribute when I can which is not often lately. Go here for a listen. http://publicradioeast.org/

    My heroin addicted daughter is dilly dallying about, hovering on the edge of rehab. My brothers and sisters are prepared to fund the effort depending on her personal commitment. She is terribly frightened of making that commitment, it seems. I am hovering in the middle. I am very frightened. This story is getting old. Shall I die childless? At this moment I don’t know. I just don’t know.

    Please hold thumbs for me and for Jes. So close, yet so far away.

    Perhaps going out on a limb here. Some encouragement, some experience, some helpful hints or just some loud shouting can be sent to her via this email address: [email protected]. I am not sure I have the clout to bend her path in a useful way. Some of you may have the insight or wisdom to do what I fear I cannot do.

    My dearest wish is to be able to write good news on this site. So many sweet people . . . so many trials and tribulations. So much good, encouraging and lovely things, too. If any of you feel capable please contact my surviving child and let her know that her life has deep meaning and unseen prospects. Tell her how many people are trying to nudge the course of her life back on path. She really is a capable and influential person. She is a teacher. Her students have not held back in letting her, and I, know how much she is appreciated. It kills me to see her let all of that go for the sake of a dumb ass chemical.

    That’s all I can say right now.

  194. 304

    I suppose that loss is part of growing. I suspect that pain is part of life. I did not previously think so until it was forced upon me. Learning these things stings. I anticipate that I will have to endure misery. I think that I will be able to do so though it will be hell.

    It may be that I will come close to dying. I don’t think that I will actually die, so please don’t get me wrong and worry overmuch. I will just be diminished. What is left of me will still be of value. What value is, of course, not visible now.

    Hopefully this is all conjecture.

  195. 306

    Crudely
    *big hugs*
    She needs to make that decision herself, but you know that already.

    +++
    I’m not going to keep up this speed for long. Today I was home for a full two times thirty minutes, which is 55 minutes longer than yesterday. I haven’t managed to go shopping this week…
    We had our christmas party at work today. They weren’t very keen on christmas music, not even Arabic christmas music, but they were very keen on music and dancing.
    And I’m afraid that one of the guys has a crush on me. Not a good situation, cause he’s getting a bit too close, but I’ll be out in less than two weeks so I don’t have to actually deal with it.

  196. 307

    Giliell

    So that makes even less sense…

    She claims that my credit rating is a sign of my moral virtue. I really have no way to respond to a statement like that, because it’s so utterly nonsensical to me.

    AlexanderZ
    *hugs* and also congratulations, I hope you’re both very happy together.

    Crudely
    *hugs* All my best to you and yours.

  197. 309

    Crudely Wrott
    I’ve sent her a letter. Hopefully the volume of encouragement will have its effect.

    Dalillama
    Thanks!

    credit rating is a sign of my moral virtue

    Only in America…
    Fuck that bullshit!

    giliell

    And I’m afraid that one of the guys has a crush on me.

    Eiiiish. At least you’ll be out soon. :/

  198. rq
    310

    Crudely
    *hugs*

    AlexanderZ

    What kind of job would you want next?

    Preferably one not in this country. And one that doesn’t inspire dreams of chainsaws (thanks, Giliell) and/or arson.
    More seriously, I pretty much want to do what I’m doing now but in a more research-oriented direction. We simply don’t have the facilities or the resources here, though we might – in another five to ten years. I’m afraid that I’m not willing to wait that long. I already feel I’ve frittered away 10 years of my life due to some misguided dream of patriotism and doing good things for the country. Turns out nobody cares and it’s all windmills from here onwards, anyway.
    Essentially I don’t know. I still need to get through the wallowing phase and then I can put some serious thought into this, because I’m woefully under-educated for any other European lab, if I want to work something above lab technician. I do have years of experience, though. For whatever that’s worth, considering the quality of the lab here.

    Giliell
    Ah, unrequited crushes – nothing better to make you feel special enough that you just want to run away! Hooray for the 2 week limit.

    Dalillama
    Credit rating as moral virtue? So this is why I can’t have a credit card.
    What utter bullshit.
    *hugs*

  199. 311

    AlexanderZ I think I should thank you. But to be sure, will you please post that letter here? Or, if it would be more acceptable, send it to my email:
    [email protected].
    I appreciate your concern and your desire to help. Because I am the only one in her family that is daily involved in assisting her I feel a need to know what she is hearing. Make no mistake, I am sure that your words are meant in all kindness and concern and for that I am grateful. I just need to be part of the process. I assume that you will have no problem with being transparent.

    This goes for anyone who is struggling with loved ones in the throes of addiction. Honesty and clearly stated goals are tantamount. We, the co-sufferers (damn, ain’t that a cludge) need all the help we can get but we need to be aware of all the words.

    This is so hard. The wealth of kindness here in this place really sustains me and is a refuge I so dearly need. Thankyou to all who care.

    Please, AlexanderZ, place me in the loop.

  200. 312

    Oh, thank you, rq. Your hugs are so lovingly accepted. I wish you lovely wishes and daily comfort. You have enhanced my life with your words and your attitude. I am grateful that we are living at the same time. Please accept a great big smile from me. A really big one!

  201. 313

    Dalillama

    She claims that my credit rating is a sign of my moral virtue.

    I really wished people would stop equating wealth with morality. Sure, there are some people whose poverty is there own fault, but I’m also sure that nobody got ever rich for being a very moral person. And the overwhelming 95% of us are have a position that the result of privilege, luck and only then in third place our own hard work.
    Those beliefs cause no end of harm, both in terms of public policies as well as personal sufferings: poor people buy into that crap the same as everyone else and believe that it’s their fault and therefore they shouldn’t get any help.

    rq
    Well, there’s lab technician and lab technician. Mr’s a lab technician and the lab he used to work in required quite a lot of scientific work, even though in a purely production oriented way, but there’s also research labs in his companies.
    Now of course I wouldn’t mind you moving here 😉

  202. rq
    314

    Giliell

    there’s lab technician and lab technician

    True, I suppose it’s more a matter of getting into the right kind of lab. (I did get to work research while an undergrad during summers, so it’s not like I’m underqualified for that type of thing.)
    Stuff to think about. I’ve actually been considering the Netherlands as a first foreign option. Germany is Top 3, with the added bonus that I have language rudiments and could brush up on those and easily (haha!) learn the rest. 🙂
    Annnyway. Let’s see how well the lab moves into its new rooms in January (approximate prognosis).

  203. 315

    Argh, people (if you’re also reading at Affinity, you’ll get a double post here)
    On Tuesday we had our christmas party at work. Now, our students (mostly young men from Syria and Iraq) weren’t in a particularly serene mood and quickly replaced our christmas music (and I had even made a playlist of Arabic christmas music sung by a popular Syrian singer!) with their pop music and started dancing.
    And yes, there was a fight, or an almost fight. That stuff happens. It’s a mixture probably of having young men who are all by themselves, cultural factors and I suppose also a lot of trauma: when they’re triggered and feel like they’re in a situation again where they were scared and helpless, they explode. But the rest of them will always interfere, separate the fighters, calm them and then they will all hug and kiss and be the best friends again*.
    Anyway, the situation was quickly under control again and everybody celebrated until we all cleaned up again. I think we all went out there thinking it was a good day, albeit with some chaos and a few critical moments, and glad they had some fun.
    Apparently, from what the caretaker told the facility manager (who wasn’t there), it was pure chaos and those “three poor women couldn’t deal with all that”. My colleague kept wondering who those “three poor women” were until I told her “he means us”. Yeah, let’s talk about totally non-sexist western men again.

    *This is a different point but I think worth mentioning: Not only can Arab men learn some new things about the relationships between men and women and everybody else, I also think that Western men could learn a lot from Arab men. They care a lot for each other. They will hug and kiss and do emotional labour for each other. When somebody is hurt they will be all tender and soft towards that person.

  204. 316

    Crudely Wrott
    I forwarded my letter to you. Please don’t post it online because I signed with my real name.
    Sorry for not replying sooner – I’m still having computer problems right now.

    rq
    This is exciting! Both a career change and a change of country! Good luck!

  205. 321

    Anne
    Happy Birthday

    chigau
    *pouncehugs* Hi!

    Giliell

    Those beliefs cause no end of harm, both in terms of public policies as well as personal sufferings:

    I could write a fucking book.

    I may have a new job, I have a trial shift at a local meat pie and sandwich shop on monday, so that looks hopeful.

  206. rq
    322

    Anne
    Happy birthday!!!

    Giliell

    This is a different point but I think worth mentioning: Not only can Arab men learn some new things about the relationships between men and women and everybody else, I also think that Western men could learn a lot from Arab men. They care a lot for each other. They will hug and kiss and do emotional labour for each other. When somebody is hurt they will be all tender and soft towards that person.

    I agree.
    Also, well done with the party, and fuck anyone who says otherwise just because they weren’t a part of it and probably had a whole stack of pre-conceptions as prism.

    Dalillama
    Oh, holding thumbs for you!!! Hope it works out.

    AlexanderZ
    *giggle*
    A bit early for the good lucks, I’m barely at the “sorting through thoughts” stage. But thanks! 🙂
    It’s been very reassuring to realize that Husband has also been thinking about leaving the country, due to the political situation of the world (the US and our easterly neighbour, for the most part). “Nobody’s going to invade Canada’s great white north, right?” Yes, we shall be economic migrants!

  207. 324

    Thanks, everybody! Have some brownies, before Younger Daughter gets up and eats them for breakfast.

    Dalillama, appendages crossed for you.

    rq, I admit, I may have squeed a bit at the thought of a cute fluffy baby dinosaur. Of course I immediately emailed Elder Daughter; she squeed too.

    chigau, hi! The pillow fort and nap corner is over here if you need it.

    Everybody, hugs offered.

  208. 325

    Anne, Happy Birthday!

    Dalillama, I will be functionally crippled until they give you this job, what with both thumbs being held while crossing my fingers and hopping on one leg. For luck, that is, much as it sounds like a three-year old’s peepee dance.

    I had an interesting experience last night, enjoying the Rainbow Newcomers group at our community centre: new Canadians from all over who happen to be queer. One fellow nearly broke my heart: he’s 21, here on a student visa from Rwanda, when his family back home discovers he’s gay. Several serious death threats later, he’s now a refugee in Canada, learning English and hoping to meet other queer folk.

    Definitely my most enjoyable experience at the centre so far, not surprising for a confirmed xenophile.

  209. 326

    Happy belated birthday wishes, Anne!

    Hope the trial shift goes well on Monday, Dalillama.

    A general “Hello” and *hugs* to all.

  210. 327

    Belated Happy Birthday, Anne!

    All thumbs held, Dalillama

    +++
    My boss gave me the fright of my life on Wednesday (through no fault of her). When I was on my way home I could no longer remember if I’d locked that fucking front door or not. I decided that a 2 km detour was worth my peace of mind. I came back and the door was open. Fuck. Even worse, I could hear voices!!!
    You can imagine what went on in my mind. I had fucked up badly. I’d forgotten to lock the door and people had gotten in!
    But it turned out it was just my boss who’d arrived in the 5 minutes since I’d left and was on the phone.

  211. 329

    Dalillama
    Good luck!

    chigau
    Hi!

    rq

    “Nobody’s going to invade Canada’s great white north, right?”

    IDK, that’s the premise behind the Fallout series. Try not to become a super mutant.

    I’ve just finished watching Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and boy oh boy did that suck. It wasn’t utter shite obviously, and wasn’t at all as offensive as anything by Frank Miller or in-your-face moronic like Michael Bay’s works, but it was a place where good intentions go to die.

    The actors were mostly good, although Carmen Ejogo (as President Seraphina Picquery) stood out with her tepid acting (an oxymoron, but trust me, she stands out by being so at odds with her character’s supposed power and position). If the goal was to convince us that the Magical Congress of the United States of America is a weak and pathetic institution that should be burned to the ground, then my hat is off to the director. Otherwise, boo on him.

    No, what killed this movie was the godawful script. The script does its best to hit all the right marks at the right time, but instead of actually hitting those marks, you become aware of how hard it tries to do it: You need a main protagonist, the comic relief guy and the love interest? Let’s introduce them all in the first few minutes. There – box checked. You need a reason to kill off a character so minor it has only 4 lines in the entire movie, but want the death to matter? Establish the character as inexplicably evil with his third line. Another box checked! You need a twist ending, but your twist is seen coming miles away? Have another twist ending, only this time with a character that’s not even in this movie! Nobody will see that coming (although the director did made sure to mention the character once before hand and there is one throwaway line that mentions him elsewhere). And after that you could have the tearful goodbyes and then a third ending, just for good measure.

    It’s like Star Trek Into Darkness – decent actors, good camera work and lots of special effects that can’t hide the fact that the script is utter garbage. So who do we have to thank for this script? None other than J. K. Rowling herself that was credited as screenwriter. The only credited screenwriter. After all, we all know that every children books’ author can be just as good as a screenwriter! And who need collaborations by experienced screenwriters anyway for your first script when you have natural talent?

    But you know what the worst part was? I still don’t know where to find fantastic beasts! As far as I can remember, the only two creatures whose locations are stated are the thunderbird (Arizona, but never gets there) and the Ukrainian pot-bellied dragon (Ukraine, but the dragon doesn’t even appear in the movie).
    Also the seats in the cinema wrecked havoc on my spine.

  212. 330

    Imagine you’re hiking in the woods. Your foot catches on a stone and as you stumble it flips over and a fairy appears.
    She says “Thank you, oh thank you. I’ve been trapped under that stone by an evil sorcerer for a thousand years and you freed me. To thank you I grant you a wish!”
    Since you’re a good person you say “world peace”.
    “Well”, she says, “I’m not exactly Titania here, could you try something a bit smaller?”
    “OK”, you say, “then I want my smart but stubborn kid to understand that maths is important and that she’ll need it throughout her life!”
    Says the fairy: “Go hand me that world map, will you?”

  213. 331

    I think I must be very tired. I just went to the kitchen for my pre-dinner acid reflux pill, and popped two cat treats into my mouth instead.

    No, I did not swallow them, I spat them into the garbage. I am so tired… I don’t need a day off, I need a week off. A month. A good night’s sleep.

    I’ll be hiding my shame in the pillow fort.

  214. 333

    Alexanderz, maybe if it’d been the hypoallergenic treats the cats used to have. Those are chicken liver, and they smell like chicken bouillon. The current ones are feline dental diet kibbles. Bleah. Oh well. The cats love them, and that is what matters. I still feel like an idiot.

  215. 334

    *waves*
    I’m alive.
    End of year means finishing up more projects than we possibly can, which means I’m working at least 10,11 hours a day + Saturdays to make miracles. Sundays are for hiking and there goes the week.
    I’ve also been trying hard not to neglect meatspace friendships and not to lock myself in my apartment whenever I’m not working. Being tired doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with people and do fun things… it just means I might take a sudden nap in the middle of a coffee shop :).

    Congrats and commiserations and *hugs* to everyone, as needed or desired.

  216. 335

    I’ve been away from here for a while, sorting real life things out. Nothing bad, just home stuff. Congrats to those in new relationships, those who have the possibility of jobs and those who are simply doing okay.

    *Hugs* to all who are suffering in one way or another.

    I would love to think that 2017 will be a better year. But I honestly can’t see how that will come to pass. However, if we can all continue to support each other as we do, then maybe it will be bearable.

  217. 337

    A friend died suddenly this morning; I learned a couple houes ago. I had only known her since I started transition. She had started hormones a few months earlier than me, and we initially bonded over that. It was totally unexpected and it’s still not known what happened. She was fine last night, and now she’s gone. I have only barely started to come to grips with it. At least work is cancelled tonight due to snow, so I don’t have to go pretend I can function for several hours.

  218. rq
    339

    Dalillama
    *hugs*
    Dammit. 🙁

    +++

    Unexpected death seems to be a thing this year (n = 2, ha.ha.) – my mum called about a death in the family last night, too. Nobody super-close (my mum’s cousin), but one of the more significant relatives in that they were among the first to renew contact back in the 90s, and have always been ready to help out or just plain be nice rather than backstabby. So.

    *hugs* and *higs* all-round. Still dealing with the sick children, and while the doctor won’t come out and say it, I think Middle Child does have pneumonia, one of those walking kinds, because he’s been put on antibiotics finally after three visits for the same damn thing (“Oh, he’ll be fine in a couple of days, lots of fluids, cough syrup”). Youngest shows signs of following in his footsteps and I just wish they would fucking be well or get a definite diagnosis from the doctor so we would know what to do (because that’s how this medicine thing works, right? doctors know everything and will fix it?).

  219. 340

    I’m sorry to hear that Dalilama , you have my sympathy.

    Anne congrats to your elder daughter, that’s very impressive.

    I hope middle child gets better soon rq and that it doesn’t spread to the rest of the family. My daughter was put on antibiotics for her cough, which cleared up beautifully…..but then she got a cold. Fortunately she’s fine now, but she’s given it to her parents!

    Orchestra has its Kid’s concert on Saturday, so I’m going to be playing ‘Uptown Funk’ dressed as an ‘Alien who Loves Underpants’….don’t ask!

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    Anne
    Indeed, congratulations to your daughter! I hope the trend continues. 😉

    bragimike

    ‘Alien who Loves Underpants’

    Did the kids get to choose your outfit personalities? It sure sounds like it!
    Hope you get over the colds, I’m keeping my thumbs held for the antibiotics to work for Middle Child, too – and for Youngest not to need them at all! Though I suspect that I might be needing them myself, soon enough.

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    rq :

    Did the kids get to choose your outfit personalities? It sure sounds like it!

    Actually it was one of our percussion section who chose it. He has three kids so I bowed down to his superior knowledge! The theme was children’s books, so I would have chosen something else.

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    Dali, my sympathies for your loss.

    Anne, congratulations to your daughter!

    Beatrice, lovely to know you’re alright, hope year end is over soon.

    rq, I hope your sprogs find themselves some good health soon, preferably before giving the plague to you.

    Things are good here, though it’s been snowing since Sunday. Right now, it’s basically whiteout conditions on and off.

    Trouble is, I need bread and some other staples, and my f*&£#ing neighbours don’t clear their damned sidewalks (and after five days of snow, they really need clearing!), so I’m kinda stuck in the flat.

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    Dalillama
    *Hugs*
    My sincere condolences

    rq
    I hope middle child gets well soon

    Caitie
    Can you call the city or something and complain?

    +++
    I need a bucket because I’m going to vomit my anger and frustration all over the place.
    Today I got officially fat shamed.
    OK, some background: Remember that I got the training position? The official form of employment is “revokable tenure” and before you get tenure you need a health check. And as it is the doctor’s duty she informed me that though it’s no problem for the training position, you later don’t get tenure when you’re fat*. Because it’s too much a risk that you cannot work until official retirement. Right. Smokers, of course, get tenure, no problem.
    And if I could lose weight during the next 18 months that would help my case.
    And I got a leaflet. Now, the whole “fat people are intrinsically unhealthy and must go on a diet and lose weight” bullshit is bad enough. It’s not true that fat people are intrinsically unhealthy. Diets don’t fucking work and actually, they want me to put my energy on that training, right? But the leaflet was a complete Unverschämtheit (no word in English to adequately describe that in English. A shame, a disgrace, una sinvergüenza).
    It’s recommended that I go on a calories restriction, under 1000 kcal, best 700 kcal! That’s seriously unhealthy. That’s irresponsible.
    Oh, and I need to change my maladaptive ways and learn to deal with frustration. WTF? How dare they claim that I cannot cope with my life just because I’m fat?
    My body is fat, but it’s also a very good one. It’s a strong one. It’s one with power and endurance and stamina.
    I’m so angry you cannot imagine.

    *It doesn’t mean no employment, just no tenure

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    Giliell, there is a complaints process, but it involves me filing a complaint against each individual property that’s unshoveled. Which go in line for one of the city’s scarce bylaw enforcement officers. When they get to it – which can take several days, as they get inundated every storm – they issue a first notice. If it’s not cleared within 48 hours, they get a final notice with another 48 hours, and only when that’s expired will the city do the closing itself, and bill the homeowners.

    For each house. It’s not a system made for disabled people’s access to streets, it’s a system to protect property values, the same system used against people who don’t maintain golf greens around their entire house.

    Just a week ago, city council voted against an average 26 dollar per year property tax increase, which would have paid for city employees to do all the sidewalks. Fuck people without cars anyway, is the attitude. We should have become wealthy if we want to be disabled and have a life.

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    Caitie

    Just a week ago, city council voted against an average 26 dollar per year property tax increase, which would have paid for city employees to do all the sidewalks. Fuck people without cars anyway, is the attitude. We should have become wealthy if we want to be disabled and have a life.

    What idiots. You know, if they said “you pay 26 bucks per year and the city clears your sidewalk” I’d ask them where I can sign and I live in fucking Germany with maybe 10 days of shovelling and not Canada.
    In Germany the home owner must ensure clear sidewalks (within reasonable limits. You don’t have to stay at home all day in case it starts to snow). The threat hanging over your head isn’t a fine but liability, though I think a lot of it is social pressure. You really don’t want your neighbours to turn against you.

    Anne
    Thanks. I hope one day they get sued…

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