I finally have a superpower!

When I was a child, I wanted to be Spider-Man so much. I would run around the house with my fingers in the same shape the wall-crawler formed his when he THWIP’d his webs. I would pretend to stick to walls and be super-strong too. One time, I even injured myself, bc I was pretending I was swinging on a web. I had taken a rope and flung it around one of the prongs on those old standing metallic coat racks and actually put my weight on it, and of course the thing fell and hit me. On the head. I would have been fine, with perhaps nothing more than a bruise, if I hadn’t been in the habit of removing the plastic caps that go over the metal hooks. As a result, the metal hook hit my forehead with enough force to make me bleed. I recall walking into the bathroom telling my mom that my head hurt. If I recall correctly, I was 5 or 6. So yeah, you can imagine what it’s like for a parent to see their child bleeding from a head wound (it wasn’t terribly bad, once all was said and done, but that instinct of “OH MY GOD MY CHILD IS BLEEDING” is pretty intense). Needless to say, after that, I stopped trying to swing from things, and i learned my lesson about taking the plastic caps off metallic rods.

As I got older, I stopped wanting to be like Spidey. Not bc he wasn’t cool anymore, but bc I began wanting to fly. And that’s a feeling that has remained with me since I was a teenager. While I don’t remember my dreams in any significant detail, I *do* recall many nights (one even relatively recently) of dreaming of flying. Though vague, the details I do recall that my dreams involved flying all around the world. About the only joy I got out of the 2013 movie, Man of Steel, was watching Superman fly around the world, bc it reminded me-viscerally-of my dreams. The vicarious thrill I got out of watching that scene was *almost* enough to make up for the dreariness of the rest of the movie.

Unfortunately, we humans aren’t gifted with superhuman (or supernatural, whatever the case may be) abilities. We can’t manipulate the weather. We aren’t masters of magnetism. We don’t transform into half-ton jolly green balls of unbridled rage. Yeah, we’re pretty much powerless.

Or so I thought until today.

Today is a landmark day in human history. It has been discovered that we humans do indeed have superpowers. But #NotAllHumans. Unfortunately the majority of our species will have to muddle through life without experiencing the fantastic power that some of us possess. Apparently I am one of the recipients of this power. So too are all my fellow Orbit bloggers and anyone else who fights for the cause of queer rights. What power do we have?

We have the power to kill God.

 That is, if we trust in the world of Cardinal Robert Sarah:

(Photo by ALBERTO PIZZOLI/AFP/Getty Images)

Cardinal Robert Sarah, who is influential in the Vatican and holds the title Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, made the comments in his address to the annual DC National Catholic Prayer Breakfast.

The event was attended by lawmakers from across Congress, including Speaker of the House Paul Ryan.

In his keynote speech, the Cardinal said:  “The death of God results in the burial of good, beauty, love and truth. Good becomes evil, beauty is ugly, love becomes the satisfaction of sexual primal instincts, and truths are all relative.

“So all manner of immorality is not only accepted and tolerated today in advanced societies, but even promoted as a social good. The result is hostility to Christians, and, increasingly, religious persecution.

“Nowhere is this clearer than in the threat that societies are visiting on the family through a demonic “gender ideology,” a deadly impulse that is being experienced in a world increasingly cut off from God through ideological colonialism.”

He also rallied against same-sex unions and rainbow families.

Ooooh, the power to destroy a mythological deity.

I. Am. So. Excited.

Someone. Please. Hold. Me. Back.

The spiritual world seems to be the only place we LGBT activists are in possession of amazing powers. Here in the real world, if we wielded a fraction of the power these religious fuckleheads think we do, we wouldn’t see *any* bathroom bills proposed (let alone signed into law), we’d have workplace protections for queer folks in all 50 states, queer youth wouldn’t have horrifying rates of homelessness, trans people wouldn’t be frequently beaten and killed (nor would they be misgendered or dead-named), or any of a host of things we’re *still* fighting for (and that’s just in the United States).

I’m thinking about abusing this power though. What’s the use in having a superpower if you don’t?  I think once I’m done with the god of the bible, the rest of the deities better watch out. Maybe over the summer, I’ll take some time and knock off a Mesopotamian god or two.

No, I’m not about to engage with his bullshit ideas which have been refuted countless times over the years. He’s just another religious asshole who believes religious beliefs should be held sacred and treated as more important than human rights. His disdain for fighting to ensure the recognition of rights for LGBT people is revolting and doesn’t merit serious treatment. It merits mockery at best.

I finally have a superpower!

7 thoughts on “I finally have a superpower!

  1. rq

    I believe I recently read that Obama, too, is killing god, so you’re in pretty decent company.
    (And tell me the truth, here…)
    you are Obama????

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