Hey, Hey! Ho, Ho! Human rights have got to go!

Are you living in a country with a constitution that echoes-in part or whole-the human rights as enumerated in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights?  Do you ever get the feeling that those rights are just a little…I don’t know? Stifling? Do you, on occasion, feel that you and the people around you would be better served by eliminating a few of those pesky rights? On hopeful days, do you find yourself lost in thought, contemplating how exhilarating it would be to cast aside rights like bodily autonomy or freedom of religion (bc let’s be honest, you know that some people really shouldn’t have the right to dictate what happens to or with their bodies ((that’s a responsibility best left to others)) and no one, but no one, should ever be allowed to decide whether or not to hold religious beliefs)? On really good days, do you speak out online or in meatspace about the virtues of living a life with significant restraints on freedom of speech and expression (bc of your sincerely held  belief that the world would be so much better if more people were imprisoned for heresy)? Do you often find yourself alone at night, laying atop your bed replete with rosary covered 1200-thread count sheets, thinking about people being slaughtered in the name of blasphemy laws as you grasp your really Good Book in one hand and attend to personal matters with the other?  If you do, then you probably have something in common with he who doesn’t like human rights (some of them anyway) Patriarch Kirill, the Head of the Russian Orthodox Church:

(image of Patriarch Kirill, Head of the Russian Orthodox Church in full regalia, standing in front of a microphone in church, preparing to speak)

“We are seeing how efforts are being made in many prosperous countries to establish by law the person’s right to any choice, including the most sinful ones, those that contradict god’s word, the concept of holiness, the concept of god,” Patriarch Kirill said after a Sunday service at Moscow’s Christ the Savior Cathedral, Interfax reported.

He did not specify which human rights he found offensive, but called for Russian Orthodox believers to “defend” their faith, the report said.

“Today we are [dealing with] a global heresy of worshipping the human, the new idolatry that removes god from human life,” Kirill was quoted as saying. “Nothing like that had even happened on a global scale before. It is specifically at overcoming this present day’s heresy, the consequences of which can become apocalyptic, that the church must aim the force of its protection, its word, its thought.”

“We must defend Orthodoxy,” Kirill said, Interfax reported.

If you are one of the special, enlightened few able to see the world as Patriarch Kirill does, then you know human greatness can only be achieved by standing tall and opposing the rights of women to control their reproductive anatomy. You periodically shudder at the thought of a world that views women as full human beings with the right to control when they get pregnant or <gasp> if they get pregnant. What would such a post-apocalyptic world look like? Men and women working together as equals? Women being able to put off having children and pursue careers or even enjoying life until they choose to settle down? Or worse…women choosing *never* to get pregnant. You long for the day when women are once again treated as human incubators with few rights and effectively slaves to the whims of men.

But that’s not all. Not by a longshot. On a very regular basis, you fret that the enemies of human progress come from multiple fronts. It wouldn’t be so bad if you only had to pushback against the ever-growing legion of people who think women are the equal of men, should have easy and affordable access to contraception, and have the right to an abortion for any reason at any time. No. You know there’s more. There are more enemies at the door. And some of them look just like you. Except they’re nothing like you. Sure, they may sleep, breathe, shit, piss, cry, laugh, walk, talk, eat fast food, enjoy gourmet cheeses, smoke weed, go parasailing, enjoy literature, listen to hip-hop, play the piano, run for political office, frequent museums, or drink copious amounts of alcohol, but they’re nothing like you. Because these “people” threaten the foundations of humanity with their very existence. These “people” think they should have rights because they are part of a minority group that has been oppressed and discriminated against for ages for no other reason than their sexuality. You know that these “people” are truly demonic beings possessed of great power who must be kept away from your children lest they unleash the power of the GAY and transform little Suzie or Johnny…into one of them.  You fear their power despite their minority status and their inability to secure rights for themselves in countries all around the globe. Your knees tremble when you think of the United States Supreme Court decision in 2015 that granted them the right to marry, but you rest easy knowing they still have no workplace protections in 29 states in the U.S. You know that hope springs eternal that lesbian, bisexual, and gay people-despite harming no one with their existence-will, for generations to come, continue to experience discrimination and oppression. Such a thought even brings a smile to your face. And secretly, in your heart of of hearts, you long to hear more stories of the struggles of queer teens who deal with harassment, intimidation, bullying, and violence. Such tales warm your heart.

If all of this describes you…if you long to see queer people and women robbed of the meager rights they have and relegated to second- or third- class citizens…if you read the words of Patriarch Kirill and think they are a roadmap to human success, then I have one thing to say to you-YOU ARE A LOATHSOME HUMAN BEING.

Hey, Hey! Ho, Ho! Human rights have got to go!

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