Speakeasy #8

Pull up a seat to the Speakeasy Internet Pub. Come for the drinks. Stay for the company. Or maybe that’s come for the company stay for the drinks. Whatever the case may be, enjoy (please play nice).

Speakeasy #8

543 thoughts on “Speakeasy #8

  1. rq

    I feel like I’m at an impasse with certain people and things in my life. On the one hand, I have left them pretty much voluntarily, with little intention of rejoining in the near future, and getting related messages from other people involved or from potential events is kind of annoying, distracting, and… I dunno, useless? in that it doesn’t cause any particular negative emotion, I just want to get some distance. On the other hand, some of the people – not so willing to lose touch, and I don’t want to insult them by leaving the conversation on the exclusively social thread that also indirectly relates to previous abandoned activities, even though I want that distance.

    Well, I’ve been wanting distance from everyone of late, so it’s nothing particularly personal towards anyone. But I don’t want to have to explain myself. Plus, they’re about the only friends I have. I’m just hating on all the people in the world right now. Probably should wait for this to pass.
    I’ll be out back with the sledgehammer.
    *nabs safety goggles off the tea-cart*

  2. rq

    I want to run away and become a professional bobsledder who happens to participate in forensic science conferences around the world. I think that would be ideal for me.

  3. 353

    rq, hugs, and professional bobsledder/forensic scientist sounds awesome. You should shop that around, it’d make a great TV show.

    Hugs to all and sundry, I’ll be pottering around in the craft corner if you need anything.

  4. rq

    Well, fuck that. All I want to do is talk to all y’all and all I get is the same fucking comments from 6 hours ago. Fuck this.
    (For now.)

  5. rq

    Alright, I’m sorry. Half of that previous comment is true. The other half isn’t, due to the existence of the ‘Newer comments’ page that is nigh on invisible when it does finally appear. And the fact that I’m just not processing these things right now.
    Calling it a night off the computer.

    *hugs* and *higs* all’round, apologies.

  6. 359

    Well, nobody answered the phone all day. My current hypothesis is that the woman is another victim of the current sick wave burying the country. At least that makes me feel better.


    Sometimes it’s a small miracle Mr didn’t grow up to be an entitled man-baby. Today I made a traditional dish, potato waffles*. It’s not complicated, but it takes a lot of time to make all these waffles. The first one got shared among the family because you always need to test the first one for the right amount of salt. When the second batch was done, Mr wanted to carry them to the kids.
    I looked surprised and told him they go into the oven where they’ll keep warm until I’m done. How did they do this at home? Well, his mum would make a batch, serve them, return to the kitchen to make another batch while the men ate…
    Of course my mum in law would never see anything wrong with that.

    *Like poor people everywhere in Europe, traditional cooking here involves lots of potatoes, flour, potatoes, eggs, flour, potatoes…

  7. 360

    Hey to Everyone,
    rq Hi, hugs /higs if you want them. I can so relate to these comments of yours, I am doing something that seems like such an enjoyable treat to so many folks and all I want to do is garden and watch birds and wonder why the fuck is everyone in such a god damned hurry? Why is everyone so mean and yada, yada, yada… I want the house done because every time I get up to move I feel fatigue. Allergies! Early spring is kicking my ass. All of that and other new changes in my system that are just on their last nerve. It’s hyper sensitivity and being aware of that and realizing this isn’t going away and I have to learn to deal.

    Between the exploding brain and tryingTMI to figure out how to regulate or whatever you do with a sex drive,(insert masturbation joke of your choice). I find it a bit rude and jolting at times, other times it’s not there and I think, oh no, don’t leave me, you just got here. This is my first spring with one and I am like WTF? Oh, also I find it a wonderful insight into, ya know, who I am attracted to and, oh my, how that has evolved. The landscape of my conscience is often very unrecognizable these days and I look in the mirror and say I love all of me but could we just get there already?

    Gileill I don’t envy your position at all right now, I hope you can be distracted by something fun. I was really surprised when I went to do the deed and buy the carpet and they said it could be installed next week. I am like, oh shit, much work to do!!!. I could make it further out but this forces me to deal and having the rest of the furniture going to goodwill means making a decision on furniture or sitting at the kitchen table or on the floor. I am a person who thrives with a deadline , so I guess when I wrote down my goals for this year and one of them was to have this done by March that was probably a good idea. I keep telling myself that when I get this part done I will be able to play outside as much as I like. I also love the new colors I will be using because they say me, me, me.

    Biped I think I totally feel your dogs:) I also wish I could have another pet because they sound adorable. If the limit was five dogs where I live, I would have five dogs. I have a rat terrier and he has me well trained.

    I went back to the diner yesterday and it was another strange one but for different reasons. For a little backstory, my friend and I have known each other for a long time but we took a long break because she and her hubby lost their young son(21) about the same time I got divorced and we both retreated. When we came back together I was coming alive with my education and understanding of everything, evolving and moving on where she went for the more entrenched mode. As we progressed I talked about all my new understanding while I think she may have cringed a lot. Conservativ vs/ liberal thing. It has gone through some awkward phases where I thought we would end but we made it through and developed new boundaries and so while we don’t have a strained relationship there are a lot of areas we do not tread upon:( Feminism is one thing we do talk about, especially entrenched sexism and how it effects women our age. This diner is a “good ol boy) type place and so yesterday on the way out I forgot to tip. I came back in laughing because we joking with the waitress (regular style) and I ran back in and said I forgot her tip and was putting it on table. Well, I interrupted her pouring of one of the old boys coffee and he says,”do you mind, my waitress and I are having a moment? ” She sort of shuddered a bit and I was like Oo. Here we are two women, clearly enjoying ourselves with a waitress that is having some fun too, and well you know tantrum, stomp, Wahhh! Where’s my attention! What surprised me is my girlfriend picked right up on what was happening and told me she didn’t want to go there anymore because she saw what I had been talking to her about and was disgusted by the old fart. She also had to explain to me, that her POV was, he was actually putting me (especially) in my place. She is finally seeing the myriad of tiny aggressions towards people who refuse to conform to gender expectations. She didn’t really see it before and it is nice to have someone sympathetic to hang out with. She also asked me why I apologized to him:( Habit I guess, I felt sheepish at that because I didn’t remember doing it. She was burned about it until I explained I have been apologizing for being alive longer than not so it will take some time to get out of the habit.

    sorry for long post:)

  8. 361

    Ugh, I’ve got a serious case of the “not giving a f*ck about anything”. Which is making getting through work rather difficult (not to mention seriously unproductive). It’s a wonder I’m even able to face the commute (it’s a damn good thing rocket launchers aren’t an aftermarket add-on for cars – unless you’re James Bond :-)).

    *hugs* to all.

  9. 362

    During my depressive phase I shut down all of my friendships, including with people who were extremely close to me. I shouldn’t have done it then (I was very much in need of a supportive friend, but decided to go without one), but looking back I don’t see how we could have stayed friends for much longer anyway – our lives have a taken a very different course.
    Not sure why I’m telling you this. It just popped into my head :/
    Anyway, *hugs* offered.

    I love potato waffles, but it takes so much time to make them compared to regular blini that I never bother.


    sorry for long post:)

    Stop apologizing! 😉
    I’m happy that your friend is starting to see the light.
    *hugs* and well wishing regarding your allergies.


    “not giving a f*ck about anything”

    That’s my default mode. I thought everyone were supposed to come to work like that 0_0

  10. 363

    I think I need a hug. Husband wants to make one of his heavy greasy spicey fryups for dinner. Okay, I said, I’ll eat the last of the leftover chicken for dinner.

    He ate it for breakfast. All of it? Yes, all of it.

    Now I have to figure out what I can make myself for dinner while the rest of them eat ham and eggs and peppers all fried in grease, urk, because he ate the one thing that’d make an easy dinner for me. All the other things he could’ve eaten for breakfast, and he hogged that.

    I know I’m being stupid and petty and childish, but it just hit me hard. He doesn’t take my dietary restrictions or my trying to lose weight seriously. I don’t think he takes me seriously. Even after I had the bad gallstone attacks, he kept insisting on cooking stuff I couldn’t eat and then being hurt that I refused to eat it, and he’s still doing it now.

    I’ll be over in the pillow fort, feeling like a Bad Wife.

  11. 364


    I want to run away and become a professional bobsledder who happens to participate in forensic science conferences around the world. I think that would be ideal for me.

    You could be like Alice Marble, only don’t get shot.

  12. 365

    Hi Anne Sorry you are going through that. Dietary restrictions suck enough without limited understanding/support from the hubby. Big Hugs and all the virtual yummy stuff your heart desires.

    Alexander I wrote that and looked, and laughed, because that is the way of it. What you say about the depression rings true for me as well but I look at it like, how can I be in a shaky friendship and deal with my depression at the same time ? Depression makes me unable to follow through with all but the most necessary social interactions. If I find myself making too many polite excuses I re-think things because it might be me. If I need a break I will take one. My friend has M.S. so there are times when she is on the couch and that is that. Even with M. S. some of her folks get upset with her. She and I have a really good understanding of each others limitations and it’s comforting. OTOH I have ended things as well because Dr.Zuess says, “Those that matter won’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter”

  13. 368

    Good morning

    Yeah, they’re a hell lot of work, peeling potatoes, grating them, baking them (baking took about an hour and I use two irons. I have no clue how my gran managed to make them for even more people), but they’re worth it. I haven’t had Blini in ages, though they’re also a hell lot of work. Or griddle cakes. I definitely need to make griddle cakes.

    Sorry your husband was an insensitive jerk. That’s not OK.

    I’m glad you found a level you are comfortable on with your friend

  14. 370

    I agree with Giliell – your husband is being very insensitive and selfish.
    BTW, I really love the hummingbird photo!


    how can I be in a shaky friendship and deal with my depression at the same time ?

    Yes, it’s a cursed cycle – depression makes all social interactions worse, which make the depression worse and so on.
    *hugs* to you and your friend.


    I haven’t had Blini in ages

    Come over and we’ll make you some!
    BTW, when I do make potato waffles I also add zucchini in there (it gives a gentler texture and taste) and cover it all in bread crumbs.

    Asshole bird alert! This season’s first green parakeet has been sighted. I shall instruct my cat on how to combat them.

  15. 372

    Oh yes, they are noisy, but there is nothing awesome about them!
    They are an invasive species which prefer to steal existing nests rather than making their own, thus doing real damage to the local and migratory bird populations. They are relatively large birds that can bully smaller ones and they are social creatures so they can gang on even larger birds.
    In short they are loud foreigners that group together to attack and steal from local birds and have no business being here.

  16. 374

    AlexanderZ, oh dear, I see the problem. You have my sympathy – we have starlings some nitwit brought over from England because they wanted the Americans to have proper English birds. Apparently starlings are endangered in their native land now. I’ve offered to start packing the nasty things up and shipping them back. There are also flocks of feral parrots, but they aren’t nearly as much of a nuisance.

    We also have feral spice finches and their brood parasites the whydas, but they don’t seem to be taking over any other bird’s niche, so they can hang around for now.

  17. 375

    Speaking of brood parasites:
    I once saw how a mated pair of cuckoos were trying to insert their eggs into a crow’s nest. The male was busy distracting the crow, while the female used a 5 sec. window to jump into the nest and lay its egg.
    That didn’t work all that well, though. The crow waited for the cuckoos to go to the next tree, then entered its nest, found the changeling and drop the egg from its nest.
    The cuckoos were absolutely livid, but the crow looked like she would smile if she could.

  18. 376

    Anne – *careful hugs* That does suck. 🙁

    I had a bit of an emotional gut punch today. I found out that my cousin, who’s exactly my age and who been estranged from his family for a decade, is back living with his parents because circumstances were such that he was at rock-bottom and had nowhere else to turn. But living with them means he’s breaking parole geographically, so they’re trying to work through that now. I’m so glad that he went back to them, but so sad that things have turned out this way for him. (tl;dr version is mental health issues, anger issues, ending up exactly how those things always do) That was enough in itself, but then I had to go searching online because I was so curious, and I saw his picture with a recent police report. It just… man. It was him. His face was everything I remember from when we were little, all that cute little boy still there, but also hard and angular and now overlaid with everything that’s slapped him in the face ever since. I could have handled it better if it was an angry look, if he was full of rage and injustice at the hand he’s had in life, but it wasn’t quite that either – it was mad, but a little confused, and sad, and… I don’t know. We only ever saw each other rarely even when we were growing up, but I just crumpled when I saw that picture. I wish so badly I could make everything better for him. 🙁

  19. 377

    carlie, hugs offered, and I hope things improve for your cousin.

    I stood up for myself about dinner tonight – I told Husband that I wanted to cook chicken, no thanks, I didn’t want him to do it, I wanted to do some fairly plain baked chicken, but if he wanted he could make all the spicy side dishes he wanted.

    So I made chicken thighs with lemon juice and garlic pepper, and carrot sticks and other cold veggies, and he made baked chili rellenos, and everybody was happy. I’m still feeling shaky and woozy and weird and overtired, but calmer.

    Ooh, and I got to see the mummy hummy feeding the babies today. They’re big enough now that they rest their chins on the edge of the nest with their wee pointy beaks in the air. So cute.

  20. 378

    Good morning
    Went to a very dear friend’s birthday last night. Coming home is always a a spectacle. Everybody has to strip after entering the flat. The Mr will caaaarefully carry everything to the washing machine and program it for the next morning while I already take a shower. Yes, my friend’s got two cats, why are you asking?

    I know how that feels. My cousin’s spiralling down fast. Bipolar plus psychosis, plus fuck up upbringing plus drug abuse of the worst kind results in on completely wasted life. There is no longer a moral dimension to anything he does anymore, only to how the rest of the world interact with him. We were as close as siblings when we grew up.

    I’m not sure if we mean the same by potato waffles

    I’m glad you had a good dinner. There’s always a way to compromise.

    to those among us who like make up
    Gel eyeliner! I love it! Exact like liquid eyeliner and non-runny like a pencil. Yes, I went on a small make up shopping spree and nobody in my family can (yet) appreciate those things

  21. 379

    Thanks, Anne and Giliell. And I’m sorry for your cousin’s situation, Giliell – that’s so much harder when you’re that close.

    On depression and friends – shutting out my friends is one of my first defense responses when I sink down into a depressive bit. Thanks, jerkbrain, for immediately taking away the best antidote. *sigh* Brains are stupid.

  22. 380

    carlie, hugs offered, also a nice cup of tea.

    Husband is still adjusting to being forcibly retired, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself yet. I’m not used to him being underfoot all the time; I thought I’d have another year at least to prepare myself. I did put my foot down last night about watching Agent Carter (which he also likes), so that’s something, I guess.

  23. 382

    Looks like everyone needs a hug. So.. *hug*

    A friend once said “I don’t need anyone.” That friend likes to drive people away when they hurt her, sometimes even before they hurt her (just in case) , which leaves her with a really small number of friends. And she was lying. She does need people.
    OK.. that ‘friend’ is me, I don’t really have enough friends to even use ‘I’m asking that for a friend’ misdirection.

    So what I was going for is that yes, it sucks when driving friends away is one’s defense mechanism. At some point, you may not have anyone to drive away any more.

    In other news; I’m finally on that business trip. I’ll try to make the best of it. There’s a nice sum of money I can save by not spending too much of the daily allowance. Yoghurt, pastries and oranges cover enough food groups, right? 🙂 (and it’s only for 5 days)

  24. 383


    I forgot that I wanted to comment on that last link.
    Her artistic abilites are amazing, but the cartoonish eyes freak me out. They are too good.

  25. 385

    I can only offer my sympathies 🙁

    Oh yeah, that’s what’s I’m talking about. Well, minus the waffle maker patter (I just use a small frying pan). Everything you can make with potatoes is even better with a bit of zucchinis. Add some finely grated zucchinis to the mix and you’ll see what kind of difference it makes.
    Do it. Do it now!
    I really like the hijab make up, but the anime eyes freak me out as well.

    And enjoy your business trip.


    Who wants?

    What kind of bread?

    New week, new cycle of pain – can’t sleep – more pain. I’ll try to go to sleep now. Wish me luck (good night folks).

  26. 386

    I ran across this last week – Mary Robinette Kowal has some interesting thoughts on Imposter Syndrome which apply to more than writers.


    Beatrice, I do that too – better to drive people away first so I don’t have to keep waiting to be dumped, I don’t deserve friends, all that. Of course, these days I only have friends online, but still, somewhere in the back of my mind I’m waiting for them to turn on me because they always have in the past, because I’m horrible and I deserve it.

    One would think that by my age, I’d know better. One would be sadly mistaken.

  27. 388

    General *hugs*, especially for Carlie, Giliell, Beatrice, and AlexanderZ.

    Throat’s been sore for a couple of days, beginning to think it might not just be a side effect of the allergies. I spent half the afternoon napping, something I never do unless I’m sick. Hopefully it improves soon.

  28. 389

    Good morning
    I’ll shortly engage in the next attempt to collapse Schrödinger’s job….

    No, if it’s not made in the waffle iron, it can’t be the same thing. Sorry, but I gotta be strict here. We’re talking about grandma’s recipes here after all! Though I generally like zucchini. But they’d bring way too much water to this recipe.

    I hope you have a nice trip and remember there’s a standing invitation to come and see us here.

    Get well soon

  29. 395

    Which shows two things again
    1. MRAs know nothing
    2. Arthur Chu is amazing

    Folks, this job situation is so fucking frustrating
    Mug cake level frustrating
    Didn’t reach anybody on the phone again. Remembered that I’d received an email from the person who added me to the short term teacher database and mailed them. Hopefully I’ll get a reply, even if it’s a “sorry, job no longer exists” reply…

  30. YOB

    Hey all!
    I have returned to a vague sense of normality (or at least making a good show of having done so.) Its been harder than I expected. Losing my Mom in 2011 and now Dad has really thrown me (and the whole family) for a loop. He had cancer but it was pretty much stabilized, so his death was actually quite unexpected. He did go out like he always wanted to, though. At home, on his beloved couch, in his sleep with no one around. All in all, if you gotta go, that’s the way to do it.

    Now we have to deal with the estate. 🙁 As the oldest of us three, it has fallen to me to try to get it all sorted. With two very selfish siblings and the IRS (Dad owed ALOT of back taxes) this is not going to be easy. But, as Honored First Wife has pointed out, I’ve got both Mom and Dad’s favorite coffee mugs so if it gets to be too problematic, I can just walk away and let them fight over all the rest, cause I would rather have peace of mind and a few momentos than all the money in the world (which this is most decidedly NOT).

    Anyway, thanks to everyone that kept me in their thoughts. I have a hard time explaining to some of my meatspace friends how important y’all are to me (even if I don’t comment as often as I like) but know that you all matter to me.

    *warmest heartfelt hugs for everybody*

  31. 400

    I hope you can resolve the inheritance mater without further fallout.
    I know those conflicted feelings. If somebody you love goes unexpectedly you think “but why couldn’t they have had some more time”, but I’ve also seen loved ones wither away when death was a “finally it’s over” kind of thing. You’re absolutely right, your dad knew how to go. It’s the hard way on you, but the easy way on him.

    Job? Job! Job…
    The person I emailed got back to me. As I thought, the woman who’d phoned me last week is ill like the rest of the republic. There’s a different job. A bit further to drive, but at least I’ve already contacted the school so they can’t shake me off that easily now 🙂
    And it would be until the summer holidays, 4 1/2 months, that would be good.
    Cross your fingers, hold your thumbs

  32. 401

    Giliell, all tentacles and other appendages crossed for you.

    The bad news is, it’s Stupor Tuesday and Husband will be All TV All The Time for the next 48 hours or so.

    The good news is, Seanan McGuire’s latest is out today and I’m mounting an expedition to Barnes & Noble to obtain a copy.

  33. rq

    And here’s to a rapid conclusion. Hope things don’t stretch out over a year and more, as past experience tells me can happen. :/
    Also, *hugs*

    I have several thumbs on reserve for you. I hope they have the sense to give you the position! 🙂
    Consider me excited on your behalf. *yayhugs*

    Good luck with your expedition! *hugs*

    I hope your health improves! Also, *hugs*


    *hugs* and *higs* to everyone.
    The mechanics of fucking all this shit are getting rather convoluted. Things should be easy, right? On the negative side, I’m still angry. But I’ve realized I’m not so much depressed or somesuch, just desirous of entering perhaps the next-and-better dimension because jeezus I hate everything around me right now (with a few exceptions, of course) and there’s got to be a better universe out there somewhere. I have since learned of how socks manage to enter the neighbouring dimension, but I’m having some issues with regard to transporting myself via the same channels.
    And with respect to friends and avoiding them (yes, avoiding, not so much pushing away, I suppose), I am never alone and that’s enough company for me right now. My poor family, on the other hand…

  34. 403

    I’ll get to sign the contract tomorrow, I’ll start on Thursday, I’ll get to sign the contract tomorrow, I’ll start on Thursday, I’ll get to sign the contract tomorrow, I’ll start on Thursday, I’ll get to sign the contract tomorrow, I’ll start on Thursday. And it’s until the end of the school year!
    Do I sound a bit over enthusiastic?
    Funny enough, my backpain is considerably better

    Seanan McGuire? Cool, I love her!
    I just read Sorcerer to the Crown by Zen Cho, which was great fun.

  35. YOB

    *held thumbs unfurled to thumbs up!* 🙂

    Re: How to go out – We went through the “bad” way with my Mom and the “good” way with my Dad. I’m still terribly conflicted on which is “better”. I do know that Honored First Wife and I have gotten all of our paperwork and details handled now. My body goes to the Southeast Texas Applied Forensic Science Facility (aka The Body Farm), at the funeral I have a prepared statement (still working on exact wording) declaring that I died a lifelong atheist, and I want them to play, at least the first minute or so, “For Whom The Bell Tolls” by Metallica. And Lots and Lots of artisanal craft brews is to be consumed.

    Caroline, Anne, rq, et alThanks. Instead of the pillow fort, though, I think I might need to borrow rq’ sledgehammer.

  36. 408

    Great news! Yay!!!

    And I totally sympathized with what you were going through. Having been through numerous job interviews/searches I’m always having an internal struggle between wanting to followup and being patient.

    Hope everything gets resolved satisfactorily. I’m the eldest so had to deal with both parents passing. Each occurrence having their own special issues.


    That’s my default mode. I thought everyone were supposed to come to work like that 0_0

    🙂 I usually try to at least gloss over it with a veneer of “giving a f*ck”, but lately….well my friend Mark said it best:
    “No time for asshattery in my life these days. And no patience.”

    Sorry to hear about the insensitive husband.

    Good to hear about your friend making progress and beginning to understand.

    *hugs* and apologies for any other specifics I’ve missed. I realize I tend to withdraw when I get in the “no patience/don’t give a f*ck” mode.

  37. YOB

    “No time for asshattery in my life these days. And no patience.”



    rq Those glass beads are great, but I’m in the mood for MOAR BIGGER destruction. Went looking for bottles and found this. Too pretty to smash, so I’ll just put it in the corner of the pub so we can all sip vino in style (if not comfort.)

  38. 410

    *Hugs*, hopefully you can get things sorted with minimal complications.

    Yay Job!
    Glad to hear that Husband is being more reasonable.

  39. YOB


    “No time for asshattery in my life these days. And no patience.”


    Oh pretty, shiny and breakable *evil grin* Thanks! Buuuut I think I’m in the mood for MOAR BIGGER destruction. So went looking for stuff and found
    this! Too pretty to smash, so I think I’ll leave it over here in the corner so we can sip vino in style, if not in comfort.

  40. 413

    *hugs* to everyone

    You have my deepest sympathies. I hope you’ll manage to solve all the legal issues and fallout from his death quickly and painlessly.

    I also developed a bit of toothache, and with work hours now being more erratic I’m out of commission for a while. Best wishes to all of you!

  41. 414

    Good morning!
    Thanks everybody. I’m so happy. I know it’s only a temporary position and it won’t make me rich, and we weren’t starving before, but you cannot imagine how it feels being able to support myself again after almost 9 years of totally relying on Mr’s income.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a hard way and an easy way and it’s always both. Now barring things like suicide, violence or accidents, people either die unexpectedly or after suffering. The first one is easy on them and personally, I’d prefer that. But it’s hard to take for the loved ones. Both my grandpas took that way, more or less. Sure, you could say my paternal grandpa died too young, hardly over 70. My grandma has been a widow for over 20 years now, he never met his two youngest grandchildren, but on the other hand his life was high quality right to the end.
    My grandma otoh died after long suffering, after her body and mind faltered her to ever greater extend until she needed assistance with the most basic things in life just like a baby. When she died it was easy on us, because it was a relief for her, but the whole last year or two were so hard on her, she didn’t deserve that.

  42. 415

    Congrats, Giliell!

    Ugh, I’m reminded that I hate people most of the time.
    Some loud people are just getting into a couple of rooms surrounding mine. INDOORS voices, please!
    And the kids are already jumping on everything.
    Oh joy.
    The children sound small, so I’m hoping that the whole family will go for eraly bedtimes instead of loudly chatting in the hall at late hours (like they’re doing now).

    Yes, I know I’m being mean. But still… INDOOR VOICES!!!!!

    Anyone knows any remote houses in the woods I could move into? 🙂

  43. rq

    SOo Husband has been playing the Moulin Rouge soundtrack in the car, and the kids have a favourite song – the tango version of Roxanne! I do admit, I love it too. Tonight at dinner, Eldest gave this hearty rendition:
    “Roxanne! You don’t have to sell the bucket to the night!”

  44. rq

    In all fairness to the parents, they’re probably trying to get the kids to use indoor voices, too. It’s pretty much a daily challenge in our household, at least. I swear, Middle Child’s indoor voice is the one thing he may never find.

  45. 418


    No, no, the parents are the ones not using their indoors voices! I only occasionally hear kids because for some reason the adults have the doors to all their rooms open and keep talkign to each other (between different rooms!)

    I would argue that eevn normal people (and not just evil Grinches like myself) woudl consider that a tad inconsiderate towards otehr guests.

  46. 419

    Sure, it’s great taht you occasionally slam the door instead of keeping them open all the time. Too bad you just have to migrate between rooms approximately every 20 seconds.

    Sorry, the snark just keeps coming and I already talk to myself too much 🙂

  47. 420


    Oh and Roxanne , the Moulin Rouge version is also one of my favorites (yes, I know the song is prblematic). In fact, I should look for my Moulin Rouge album once I return home. I only ever bought a couple of albums, and I liked this soundtrack so much I just had to have it!

  48. rq

    Just remember, Beatrice, as awesome as the song is, you don’t have to sell the bucket to the night. 😉

  49. rq

    Also, the whole movie is problematic, which the awesome soundtrack can’t redeem. But at least the music doesn’t creep me out. 🙂

  50. 424

    No, you sorry for the misunderstanding.
    I know parents get enough crap about childen in “adult” places, and I wasn’t exactly clear .

  51. 429

    Good evening

    I’m one of the people who constantly tries to remind the kids there’s other people living here. And then the people below us completely ruin it by being loud and inconsiderate assholes.

    Hehe, a friend of mine got this song wrong. I should mention that he’s one of my best friends and college buddies’ boyfriend. So my college friend was driving and his boyfriend was singing along to this song: “I put my porridge into the fridge and let it burn”. At that point my English major college friend had to stop the car ’cause he was crying with laughter…

    Yeah, Roxanne gives me the creeps. Not quite as bad as “Every Breath you Take”, but still.

    And now off to bed, I gotta start early tomorrow. But I found out how much I’ll earn. It’s worth getting up

  52. 431

    Neighbors are interesting. Once, one set moved out and I told a friend “You know, that’s the first set in the last four that have moved out without the assistance of the police.” Another set had a bass boombox of some sort that literally vibrated the walls, floor (they were downstairs), windows, and moved things around on my bookshelf! Then one night there was a huge party with alcohol, sex, a knife, and then so many red & blue flashing lights it looked like Christmas outside. Two days later (took that long to get out of gaol) they were gone. While some neighbors are annoying at the time, they can give you some good stories. And when you hear of someone else’s neighbors, you can nod your head sagely and think “I hear ya….”
    There are good ones too. Some from India. I gained a lot of weight that summer – I never invited myself to dinner but they did make a lot of curry and other spicy foods and since it smelled soooooo good I always had to make some too and so I ate more than usual. The guys from Barbados taught me a new style of music. And a form of English that I really really tried to learn but never could get the hang of it.
    A lot of variety over the last 50 years.

  53. rq

    Yeah, my refresh cut out on me last night, and I was enjoying the conversation.

    Shovel use

    “Just keep digging…” … Wrong movie?

    Poor porridge. Freezer burn is a thing, you know. 🙁 I’m also glad there was no car accident for your friend that day. 😀

    Good luck with the toothache and/or work, AlexanderZ!

    *hugs* and *higs* for all, esp. YOB. If you break the sledgehammer, just make me a new one, but feel free to use it to your heart’s content.

  54. 433

    Look at who’s still alive!
    I made it through my first day. First of all we had dense snowfall this morning. We didn’t have much snow to speak of all winter, but today of all days we had quite a lot of very wet snow. Did I mention that this school is a 45 min drive in the middle of nowhere? I’m sure the road looks fantastic in summer. All those sharp bends through the woods and fields, uphill and downhill….
    Classes were reasonably ok considering the fact that I don’t know the kids, don’t have any books yet and more or less made things up as I went along.

    rq and Caitie
    That’s just an idea, but, would you be interested in doing a Skype interview with the kids one day? Their topic is “Growing up in Canada”, so I thought that you might like to be our guest star(s)

  55. 434

    Giliell, sure, it’d be my pleasure. It’s a funny coincidence that the area I live in is the heart of German-Canadian culture: Kitchener has the largest Oktoberfest outside Germany. Local towns like Breslau, New Hamburg, and Berlin (as Kitchener was called, before it was changed in a bid to be seen as patriotic during the first world war). Just walking through the cemetery at the end of my street finds probably sixty per cent German names.

    I could even do a short film about the area maybe? Dunno about that, but we certainly have the cameras and expertise.

    Anyway, yes, I’d be interested. 🙂

  56. rq

    Sure! That sounds interesting, and I can even try and find some photos of nature or other scenery, if you like. For that personal touch (as opposed to generic artsy photos from the internet 😉 ).

  57. 436

    …wrong movie?

    No, I was just contemplating a situation where a person was discussing clandestine burial with a an agent whose job is to investigate and testify about such things. Usually for the prosecution. Or perhaps I have my occupations confused. If any movie, one line of contemplation envisions an episode of Bones (before it became hackneyed).

  58. 437

    My fingernails get really crappy in the winter; all dry and chipped.
    One actually started to split length-wise.
    So I bought some cheap, drug-store, glue-on nails and glued one on the bad nail.
    Seemed good. Secure. Covered the problem.
    So, since I have them, I glued a few more on.
    I don’t know how people do this. I can’t touch the touch-screen, I can’t pick up a piece of pizza and I haven’t tried to go to the toilet…
    these are awesome!!!11!
    I feel like Wolverine.
    (it might be the fumes, the glue is pungent, probably toxic)

  59. 439


    Well, Wolverine probably just growls at people to pick things up for him…

    Caitie and rq
    It’ll be some tie until we can do that, this particular class is now doing their internship* until easter, but I’m sure it will be great fun!

    Me, I’m going to take a nap. I’m no longer used to getting up at 5:30. And right now the job is totally exhausting cause I have to teach while I don’t even have to books yet, but the place is nice. I even got chocolates as a welcome present!

  60. rq


    No, I was just contemplating a situation where a person was discussing clandestine burial with a an agent whose job is to investigate and testify about such things.

    To be fair, I don’t do forensic anthropology, but forensic DNA analysis, so I’m not actually competent or certified to testify re: clandestine burials. I will be attending a week-long training course on how to find such burials later this summer, though. Which still doesn’t make me legally competent or certified. 🙂
    And even though I’m the one with the zombie garden out back of the shed, that is still not a certifiable activity, nor is it officially included within the purview of my professional competencies. So I figure I’m good. 🙂

    Sounds good, just give me some advance warning and if there’s anything that I have/can do that might help you out, let me know!

  61. YOB

    Hey gang.
    Life is piling shit on top of shit on top of us. What I’m about to post is with out a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever typed.

    We found out a couple of days ago that YOBling has major depression. She has been having suicidal thoughts and even been cutting herself. We had to admit her to a mental health hospital where she can be assessed and protected. I feel so horrible. I know that depression is probably mostly genetic (I and my uncle both have milder forms of it) but I can’t help but wonder what did we do wrong? All I’ve ever wanted and worked towards was to keep her happy and safe. I’m so worried for her. She probably hates us so much and will hate us for a long time after. I can’t bear to think what might happen. She is literally my everything. How do I protect her and keep her safe when the threat is inside her own head. I’m feeling so very lost and helpless. My only consolation is that it appears to have started a few months ago (best guess is last Oct) and that we’re fortunate to have caught it early. But that is small consolation. She’s all alone up there and I can’t hold her or talk to her or anything. Visitation is every other day, only 30 minutes and in a roomful of strangers. This is the hardest thing we have ever had to manage, and that includes holding my moms hand when she seized and died.

    I’m sorry to dump such heavy shit on the board this morning, but honestly, yall have become an important part of my support structure. Yall are smart and caring and this will be an issue my family is going to have to deal with for a long time. I will be needing to vent and get advice from time to time and this is a very safe place for me to do that. I hope Yall don’t mind. I’m just so scared and feel like I’m lost in the woods.

  62. 443


    I know it’s small comfort, but this is not your fault. What’s important is that you know about Yobling’s troubles now, so you can help her and support her. Vent away, we’re here for you.

  63. 444

    Hugs aplenty for you my friend. I’m sorry YOBling has major depression. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you all to deal with. My deepest sympathies.
    And like Caitie and Anne have both said-dump away. Anytime you need, as long as you need. We’ll be here and we’ll listen.

  64. 445


    Sorry you and your family have to go through that.


    Also, am I the only one seeing the comment box at the top of the comments instead of the bottom?

  65. 449

    Hi All, this will be messy. Is this the messy Day?
    YOB, Very sorry about your situation and also you sound like an awesome parent. Awesome! I have been down this road and wish with all my heart anyone, anyone, would have felt this way about me.

    Chigua, your post made me laugh which stopped me from crying. Thank You.

    Giliell, I am so happy to hear about your job situation. I am glad there are teachers like you in the world. I know the feeling of going back to work after ten years off and, woo hoo skipity do,

    TW (dudes touch me and I freeze or I try to brush it off and why I hate myself today)

    So I got my carpet in. Had to do it a day early because of expected rain which would have put it off for two weeks and so we are go time. Well,what a nightmare for me. I am so angry ! I am mostly mad at me and need to vent. Dude showed up to put in carpet, meets the kids dad who is helping me move my furniture. He walks in and introduces himself to me by touching my hand, arm and waist! Fuck, so it’s gonna be this way, huh? So I show him different rooms and what to do and he is moving in and smiling and I am like ,”what the fuck is this guy auditioning for? Jezzuz. Speaks very little english and has a partner that speaks even less. I say what needs to be done and he says, “We’ll see.” WTF Then more touch; light/quick, like a paper cut. I decide to go to the store and ex stays behind. To make a long story short I was left alone with these two from about 2:00-8:00 pm. I spent as much time outside as I could and felt kinda pissed at how long it was taking but kept rotating away from handsy man. I have a belief that when you are getting a rush job that cannot be done any other day because , child with autism, house in disarray and RAIN is coming, you take what you can get.I tried to chock it up to the cost of doing business, to laugh it off and stay in the garden until towards the end when it was getting cold. Then I went in to look at the bedroom work and he asked me if I was married. Shit! So I lied and said my kids dad and I are legally separated and he looked at my ring finger. Why do I have to go through this? I am screaming in my head, “Why am I tolerating this?” FUCK! I was so embarrassed at that point I sat outside until they were finished with the molding and when he asked if it was okay? Nope ! Dude does not know how to cut an angle, but I smile and say it is fine. Just go! I am tired. 9 hours of this shit. On the way out he cops a feel and takes a deep very personal hug. I wanted my carpet done right. I wanted it done that day. I wanted respect in my own home. I wanted my ex to notice ( he was too busy doing the guy thing and chatting them up to notice a damn thing and if I would have told him he would have made a scene and IDK what because he was already bossing me around in my house while I was trying to go with MY very well thought out plan. His way broke stuff. My stuff! When all was said and done I noticed the carpet had shallow wells where the seams were and it felt like there was no padding underneath. I was thinking about calling to see if this is normal or what, so I call the ex to let him know it is finished and tell him about the issues with the cuts and the wells and wondering if I am going to do anything about it or if I can live with it. He is livid and says ,”You will call them first thing in the morning and you will have them do Blah, blah blah!” At that point, all I could do was tell him not to boss me around, it was my choice what to do. Now he is mad at me for not sticking up for myself. This is the last straw for me. I called the carpet company and the owner answered and informed me that sometimes the glue at the seams melts the tape and it may or may not pop back up with this type of carpet, blah, blah, blah. Also , who would be coming to my house now?

    I am disappointed in myself. I say to myself, “If anyone tries shit with me again I will do X”. I folded though, didn’t I? I folded. Also, when Giliell was on about pancakes and keeping them warm , I don’t think I ever had breakfast any other way but alone because I served everyone first. I think I may have liked it that way to be honest, but I never realized how much of me is a wimp.

    Venting is now over. I have ceased crying. Yay. Hugs and Higs to all( with complete consent of course)

  66. 451

    In case you missed it before YOB, (or I missed your reply) I say again,

    Me being ‘in the neighborhood’ and all…. ,Anything I can do ???*

    Depression is a… [insert any applicable negative here]. I got it, too. [Clinical]

    *After all, I got time on my hands now ! 🙂

  67. 453

    *Hugs* for you and YOBling. Depression sucks.

    *hugs* & other supportive gestures. That guy was an asshole. Re: blaming yourself, a lifetime of conditioning is hard to overcome, not to mention the real and valid fear that telling him off would have made things worse. His douchebaggery is still not your fault.

  68. 456

    Hi All,

    Thanks, Dalillama and <strong JimB.

    My friend came by to see how the job went and so I had a loving, available and willing shoulder to cry on. I was able to unwind it a bit and gave the rest to benadryl. I use to wonder if these things were even happening, now I see them and it is a bit frustrating because I am watching myself feel/be/become powerless at a time when I want to be branching out more.

    The good news is the carpet is in and I love the color and the way it looks with my walls and it’s RAINING IN CALI! I am glad for this place and for my friend and I feel like I honored myself by acknowledging the situation as real and not shaming myself for it. Dalillama is right, his behavior was wrong and not my fault. I will take each day as it comes and do my best. (that sounds so corny)

  69. 457

    Caroline Kelly
    I’m glad your carpet works for you.

    making a point-by-point list of the reasons that the installation was less than satisfactory and submit it with your payment.
    Your payment will be less than the invoice amount, by the amount you decide is for your aggravation and dissatisfaction.
    next time there is a crew in your house…
    stay in the room with them for the whole time;
    with a clipboard and a stopwatch and your cellphone;
    make frequent notes and occasional phonecalls;
    it’s almost like having a *man* with you.

  70. 458

    I just read about that story. The dude thinks Trump is actually interested in creating jobs in the US. ::eyeroll::

  71. 459

    You’re doing the right thing! She may hate you right now, but with time she’ll understand that you’ve made the right call and did what is necessary for her well being.
    It might take some time for the doctors to find the right drugs and the right treatment, but once they do everything will be alright!!!

    I’m sorry you went through that 🙁

  72. 461

    Hi folks
    I got books! So I finally can start devising some sensible classes. I’m going to do things. The 9th grade will have plenty of time left when the book is done and since the last chapter is on African Americans they will suffer my passion 😉


    I will be attending a week-long training course on how to find such burials later this summer, though.

    Now I’m wondering how they’re going to test whether you actually learned this or not…

    *big hugs* and supportive gestures
    Remember that mental illnesses have the exact same moral dimensions as broken bones: Yes, in rare cases somebody intentionally hurts others, but in the overwhelming majority of cases you’re either simply having bad luck or it’s the way the world at large is set up.
    The YOBling already has a huge advantage and that is having parents who take mental illness serious AND without attaching blame to her.

    Caroline Kelley
    Oh fuck, why are people, especially men, such assholes?That was totally creepy and inappropriate of the guy.
    *higs and hugs*

  73. 462

    Is there something strange happening on Pharyngula?

    There haven’t been any new comments in at least a couple of hours. I just posted a comment to He’s being silenced…SILENCED! He shouted. and it’s awaiting moderation.

  74. 463

    Hi Chigua At first glance I could not really consider what you were suggesting for future work so I added the wearing of a holstered taser and it seems a very doable scenario now. I woke up feeling better and less shaky today. I guess I am ready to take on the world again.

  75. 466

    The flight to Split was interesting : the first time ever that I felt turbulence.
    It was a bit scary, I admit. All I could see were dark grey, stormy clouds – impressive to see from within, but hard to think much about while the plane is shaking and you feel like your heart and your spleen just exchanged places and some organ or another is going to move right up through your throat any moment now.

    Pretty cool, in hindsight.

    But I also learned how it feels when your “knees turn to jelly”, because wow but it felt like my legs were leading a double life while I was entering the airport – with the upper part of the leg wanting to have a little lay down right there and the feet deciding to soldier on.

    The flight back was stress-free.

  76. 469

    That one’s so bad, it could have been from Mr, if he spoke English

    Woooo-hoooo, we just decided to go for Barcelona over Easter. After we almost froze to death in the Alsace last year we weren’t keen on repeating that experience. Also, since our school holidays only overlap one week with the next state’s where Mr works he can get two weeks off and I actually get the first paid holiday in my entire life.

  77. 471

    Beatrice, I hope you enjoyed your trip.

    Congrats on your teaching job. Have fun in Barcelona (which is also on my to-visit list, next to Split)!

    I don’t get it. Please explain.

    Do you have a bread maker or do you make them in the oven?

    Rewatched Galaxy Quest today. It really brightens my day. It’s too smart and caring to be a real spoof and too fun and optimistic to be regular scifi. I think I should rewatch it as often as possible.
    I get my tooth removed on Monday, which is not a moment too soon – the bloody thing has already started to fall apart.
    Back pains are stronger than usual. Had to take 400mg. I have no idea how I’ll survive tomorrow at work, Sundays are bad enough without me being in severe pain.

  78. 472

    YOB: A few days ago my eight year old daughter asked me what my biggest fear was. I didn’t hesitate: “You dying.”. But what you are going through is an infinitesimally close second. You can’t fight what you can’t see, and the inside of another’s head is notoriously opaque, no matter how close and cherished that person is.

    Sounds to me like you did the right thing, not the easy thing, but the correct one none the less. And I’d say that job number one right now is to deal with your own reaction to this. Self questioning is perfectly understandable, but the sooner you come to terms with the reality of the situation the greater portion of your emotional resources will be available to help your daughter. I’d even go so far as to suggest looking into some sort of professional counselling for yourself.

    Not because there’s anything wrong with you, far from it, but because you’re now dealing with uncharted emotional territory. It always pays to consult those who have the map when finding your way back to solid ground. And the sooner you do that the better for everyone, most especially your daughter.

    Anyway, bit caveats here: I’m no professional, and even if I was I do not know you well enough to accurately assess what you need. My opinion is formed from my experiences in dealing with my own depression and how it affects those around me. And that experience may be completely irrelevant to your’s.

  79. rq

    I’m so glad you have the resources to provide the YOBling with the care that she needs.
    *presents a gift-wrapped sledgehammer* Now you have one, too – use at your own discretion.

    What a horrible experience!
    Yay for the carpet, though.
    *presents a second gift-wrapped sledgehammer*
    There. That about covers it.


    I hope the tooth extraction is an easy, pain-free (or at least pain-minimal) experience that leaves you with one less thing to worry about! *hugs*


    We had a big dream, but the reality is we just can’t pull it off this year, and still survive the winter. But there’s always next year, and in the meantime, well, we’ll still have the car!

  80. 476

    The rain started last night around 10. It’s raining now. It may have been raining all night. California, you sure don’t don’t do things by halves.

    Patches woke me early because it was raining. Or she was lonely. Or bored. Or even hungry. Cats. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I put the kettle on, and I’ll just sit and enjoy the peace before things get hectic. Cup of tea, anyone? Irish Breakfast this morning.

  81. 478

    Giliell, I hope little one’s indisposition was temporary and not contagious! I think that some (Not! All!) men put their common sense away in lavender when they marry. Mine sure did.

    Speaking of which, Emily and the Husband just left for San Diego. I made him take my car instead of his, because his may have a fancy five-disc CD player, but mine has tires in better condition.

    The rain has stopped, the sun is out, the breezes are blowing, and Patches is out on the patio porch, trying to convince me she’s been out long enough to come back in and get a treat.

  82. 479

    Gah. I just knocked my tea mug off the little table next to my chair. It’s large, it’s glass, and it was full. The good news is, the mug didn’t break. My planner, my lapdesk, and a large swath of carpet, however, got nailed.

    I spent a while crawling around with towels soaking up most of the carpet tea, and now I’m running a fan on it. And today was actually going pretty well, too. At least I take my tea straight up, so no milk or sugar to cause more problems. I was going to clean up the mess from the latest little book project, but I think I’ll just shut the studio door, eat lunch, and go lie down instead.

  83. 482

    Well, it’s snowing here as well, which means we’ve been having more snow in Marchs than January and February combined…

    While Mr is better than the average guy, you know that still doesn’t mean “fully competent in running a family”. Sure, part of it is not his fault, because he’s away during the week, but part of it is just “I don’t have to do it so I’m not going to care a bit”. Anything medical falls under that heading.
    Sorry about the tea

    Urgh, I need an office and a desk
    My back is giving me hell for sitting too much in my armchair. I cleaned up part of the kitchen table and am sitting there now. Let’s get this week’s lessons planned…

  84. 483

    YOB – my hugs to you. You did the best thing for your daughter getting her admitted.I have a friend who went through a similar thing last year and I’ve seen secondhand how hard it is – please don’t hesitate to ask for support anywhere, any time, anyhow you need it.

    Giliell, you got the job? Awesome!

    Caroline, you get through things the best way you can when they’re happening. And alone with the guy, who knows what he could have done? You have to protect yourself first, and sometimes that means not rocking the boat while he’s in front of you. I’m really sorry he put you through that.

    chigau – I love the idea of a clipboard and phone. Filing that in my head.

    (AlexanderZ – often, at least stereotypically, their mansplaining statements start with “Well, actually…”)
    And good luck with the tooth removal!

    I spent over an hour outside yesterday walking in the woods. It was wonderful. Only in the upper 30s, but the sun was shining and it was so “warm” I didn’t wear my coat and it felt sooooo good to be out. First time this spring. I was looking to see if the skunk cabbage had sprouted yet, which it hasn’t, but I don’t give it more than a couple more weeks especially since we have a warm spell supposedly coming up.

  85. 485

    Lovely that you’ve got your job sorted Giliell

    It sounds to me like you did the right thing YOB . I fully understand why you feel the way yo do, but I don’t see that you had any alternative.

    Caroline that carpet fitter just sounds creepy….and that long to lay a carpet sounds unnecessary. I’m glad you like the way it suits the room though.

    *hugs* and *higs* and Hi! to everyone else.

  86. 487

    rq, carlie
    Thanks for the best wishes. In the end I didn’t have the tooth removed. It appeared that three teeth are affected – the wisdom tooth and two molars, both of which have fillings, with the damage directly under the fillings, that combined with the thickness of the teeth makes the entire picture blah blah blah.
    Long story short, two dentists looked at the x-rays together and decided that they’re not going to touch my teeth until they get a better scan – so I’ll be doing it all again next week. Same time same channel.
    Stay tuned!


    We had a big dream


    They’re so cute together

    They are. That photo begs for a slashfic treatment: “…his warm breath enveloped Trudeau’s as he whispered ‘let us settle our hard wood disputes’…”


    Patches woke me early because it was raining. Or she was lonely. Or bored. Or even hungry. Cats.

    Have you considered that she isn’t too happy about getting up that early either, but she’s been doing it for so long that it’s now a tradition which she must uphold? 🙂

    I know the feeling. *hugs*

    It’s spring here as well. Lots of pregnant cats everywhere. The birds are settling their mating disputes in the noisiest and flashiest way possible and all the flowers are blooming. It’s gorgeous outside.

  87. 488

    AlexanderZ, ouch. I hope your dentist can sort things out for you soon.

    As for Patches… 4 am is early even for her. Their feeding time is 5:30. Normally she has the decency to wait until at least 5 am before she starts the meowing and door-rattling. One of these days, cat, one of these days, POW, right in the hisser. Of course now she’s sleeping on my bed, having only eaten half her breakfast. I think sometimes they don’t want the food so much as they want the being fed, just on principle. They have to show the humans who’s in charge, after all.

  88. 489

    Can I please get a hug?
    I think I had an anxiety attack while getting from work (starting some time before):

    I started having the feeling that everyone at work hates me, that I’d done something wrong. A friend contacted me about meeting this week and I just kept thinking that she’s doing it just because I complained we don’t see each other often, and not because she cares to talk to me .
    And then it seemed like some people on the street wer looking at me and laughing.
    When I got home I felt like I couldn’t cry or breathe, because I wanted both and my head was in some third place where I felt like my brain hurts and my head is full of fog.

  89. rq


    They have to show the humans who’s in charge, after all.

    Apparently you were getting too obedient, believing that you know what she wants and when she wants it. That’ll learn you!

    Oof, *hugs* in return. I admit my sympathies are of the most vicarious sort, as I have the curse of non-problematic teeth, so I feel kind of obnoxious by saying any comforting words (after all, what do I know, right?), but I hope everything gets settled next week as painlessly as possible. In the meantime, since it can be a bird or a flower, here’s how I imagine your springtime right now: obscure mating rituals. Spring here currently looks like this and this. Yours sounds so much nicer (pregnant cats cross cultural boundaries).

    By the way, carlie, terrible TERRIBLE joke. I think it beats my “What is the most delicious month of the year? JAMUARY!” joke which, when done in the original Latvian, is actually worse, but I’m sticking with the English here.

  90. 495

    I currently can’t get the new comments to appear here, but I got your comment in the mail. Please, consider going to a doctor to get some simple anti-anxiety pills. You have no idea how much difference single pill a day could make.
    They really are life savers.

  91. 496

    Oh, subscribing could solve the problem of comments not loading (in a roundabout way).

    *hugs* back. They mean a lot. From y’all.

    I’ll just go to bed early.
    I have some Margaret Atwood short storied due back to the library in 2 days.

  92. rq

    I hate my refresh button, too.
    I hope it’s not too late for these: *HUGS*
    Also, AlexanderZ’s advice seems pretty solid, that sounds like an anxiety attack. I have no idea what mental health care is like over in Croatia, but at least look into seeing a doctor you trust about this.

  93. 498

    Thanks for the tip – it worked.
    Good night and pleasant dreams!


    I think sometimes they don’t want the food so much as they want the being fed, just on principle. They have to show the humans who’s in charge, after all.

    Exactly! My cat demands his tuna serving every day but rarely eats any of it (he prefers everything fried in lots of oil). He does it only to prove a point.

    Thank you! I have never had my teeth looked at by two doctors simultaneously. It was a bit scary and now I have an entire week for my imagination to run wild. Not to mention the pain.
    The neighbor’s grass is always greener. Here the spring may come early, but it also ends very quickly and turns into a dreary summer, so I envy your land of the ice and snow where the spring last at least a couple of months.

  94. 500

    thanks, *hugs* back
    good night

    Good luck with your teeth, AlexanderZ. It’s good to hear that your dentist was conscientious enough to seek help from a colleague when he wasn’t sure about how to proceed.

  95. 502

    It’s sort of weirdly quiet here without the Elder Daughter. I’m used to her popping in and out, chattering about birds. I guess it’s good to get used to her absence now, before she’s away long-term.

  96. 504

    This is as good a time as any to mention this-
    I know there are lurkers who read the Speakeasy and don’t comment (just as plenty of people read the Lounge, but didn’t comment). Obviously that’s completely fine. People are free to spend their time online doing what they please. I just want to let everyone know that even if you’ve never commented here before (or in the Lounge), you’re more than welcome to drop in as little or as much as you want. Everyone is on friendly terms with one another here and some friendships go back years, but we’re not going to ignore or exclude you bc you’re a new commenter.
    This isn’t me trying to pressure anyone. I just wanted to extend a welcome to anyone who would like to converse, but feel they might not fit in, or be intruding.

  97. 506

    Good morning

    *big hugs*
    I know that feeling and it’s a bad place to be in.

    Ha!, your spring is nothing compared to our spring where we currently have about 15cm of snow on the ground, which is 10cm more than in December, January and February combined…

    Good luck with the teeth. I feel with you. I had the wisdom teeth of Cthulu and ended up with needing a general to remove one because local anaesthesia wouldn’t work anymore…

    Job’s keeping me on my toes. Of course I still miss the 18 months of hands on teacher training AND I am in the middle of a school year. This is fun!

  98. rq

    we currently have about 15cm of snow on the ground, which is 10cm more than in December, January and February

    Actually, that’s still winter. 🙂 It’s just running late this year.

    I don’t miiiind spring in and of itself, it’s the crappy transition period from snow/freeze to grass/something-resembling-sunlight, which happens to be filled with mud, slush, and all manner of wet things falling from the sky – along with a distinct lack of the promised sunshine. It’s just an absolutely dirty season and nothing is ever clean. Especially the children. (After all, what else is a mudpit for…?)

  99. 510

    It’s International Women’s Day. I’m sure there won’t be anyone whiny ‘why isn’t there an International Men’s Day’ at all. Nope. Anyone who even thinks that will of course take 10 seconds to perform a Google search and find that IMD is on 11/19.

  100. 511


    It’s International Women’s Day.

    Google has a Google Doodle today celebrating this, FYI.

    This isn’t me trying to pressure anyone. I just wanted to extend a welcome to anyone who would like to converse, but feel they might not fit in, or be intruding.

    I’ll second that. I was one of those lurkers, always reading the Lounge and other posts and comments for years but never quite got around to commenting. The opening of The Speakeasy gave me the “shove” to post and get a little more actively involved.

  101. 512

    Howdy, howdy, howdy!!!
    *casting large handfuls of hugs and chocolates and playful kittens far and wide*
    I hope that you’ve all been well, with sympathies and commiserations wherever that may not have been the case, and encouragements all ’round.
    New Computer exists!
    Well, technically, Factory Reconditioned Computer, but still, the point is, I’ve been on it all morning and it hasn’t crashed!
    Not even once!!!
    *happy skipping and dancing*
    I’m…positively giddy.
    *going to top of page to catch (somewhat) up; but it’ll be a skim-read, so apologies if I miss something*

    Special *hugs* for rq.
    I’m way behind, but I gather that you’ve been suffering from Unnecessary Drama in your life of late.

    JimB, I don’t long so much for rocket launchers, as for a good, reliable, car-mounted disintegrator ray.
    See, it’s been so dry here lately, and we’re under a Fire Hazard Warning because of the intermittently gusty&high winds….

    Extra *hug* ration for Anne. I’m sorry your husband is being so inconsiderate with the gastronomic greasiness.

    carlie, I’m sorry about your cousin.

  102. 513


    *casting large handfuls of hugs and chocolates and playful kittens far and wide*

    *grabs a few chocolates but avoids kittens so as to not sneeze on chocolates*

    JimB, I don’t long so much for rocket launchers, as for a good, reliable, car-mounted disintegrator ray.

    Frickin’ lasers! 🙂

    I actually asked my mechanic to quote me for installing front-mounted lasers since I felt rocket launchers were too cumbersome. While he was sympathetic, he politely declined.

  103. 515

    Oh, and congrats on the non-crashing computer.

    (And with that, I’ll probably get back to work and see if I can screw that up too…..)


  104. 516

    YOB, I’m sorry about your father, and hope that the estately matters go…as well as can be expected.
    Oh dear.
    I am so sorry to hear about YOBling’s depression.
    *additional hugs*
    As Anne says, it’s not your fault, hard as it may be to feel it.

    Giliell, I am glad to hear that Job seems to have resolved into a state of Existence.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a hard way and an easy way and it’s always both.

    I do believe that you’ve put your finger solidly on it.
    Getting up at 5:30 is an Abomination Unto Nuggan.


    “Roxanne! You don’t have to sell the bucket to the night!”

    Wait…with all this talk of a Moulin Rouge version, is/has-this-been a pre-existing thing?

    I hope they settle down soon and leave you in peace!!

    There is no peace.
    There is only Zuul.

    Neighbors and stories….
    Once Upon A Time, The Husband and I lived in the half of a duplex that its owner wasn’t living in, and she didn’t want to see us have to move because, even with a newborn Son crying, we were such an improvement on our predescessors, who were (reckoned most-to-last recent):
    1) A very unhappily married couple who apparently routinely out-screamed a newborn baby.
    2) A squeegee murderer.
    (Not a murderer of a squeegee; a murderer with a squeegee, who brought it home with him…after.)
    3) Drug-dealing college jocks, who through a TV through the front window.

    It seems The Husband and I were quite a bargain, in the circumstances, even though she ended up negotiating house-repairs-for-rent-owed (the local economy having collapsed).

    chigau, I can’t deal with fake fingernails, precisely because of the inability to touch things. Plus, it doesn’t help that my fingernails are little, and only kiddy nails will fit, and that, poorly. The curvatures just aren’t right.
    It’s a pity; I painted up some really nice ones for Halloween, one year. They didn’t last an hour.

    Manymanymany sympathies and much solidarity for Caroline Kelly. You should not have to discuss anything but the job-at-hand with Carpet Installation Guy. Not his damned business. And on no account should you have to put up with him touching you in any way!
    Fuck cultural conditioning!
    *napalm!*? disintegrator ray*? *large tub full of writhing leeches*?
    *leeches* first, then the *napalm!*, then the *disintegrator ray*?

    Damn, but strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is starting to look good….

    AlexanderZ, Galaxy Quest is one of my absolute favorites.

  105. 517


    *special anxiety-banishing hug* for Beatrice.

    JimB, the problem with lasers is that they keep going and going and going….
    One short, targeted disintegration blast just seems like so much less trouble.
    Litigation-wise, that is.

    My right hand keeps going numb.
    Stoopid carpal tunnel.

    All Caught Up! Yay!

  106. 518

    cicely, I read your comment on the presidential campaign to the Husband. He was very appreciative. Here, have some hugs and chocolate!

    I think this may be Klutz Tuesday. So far I’ve tripped and caught myself against a door, bruising my right arm, and sliced my left index finger when the xacto knife slipped, not to mention having to clean gluestick off of things and forgetting to move the paper I was cutting from the nonstick sheet to the self-healing cutting board. I didn’t actually slice through the sheet, fortunately – I’ve already had to replace it once, and those things are pricey. I did manage to salvage some smaller bits from the last debacle, but there are times when I have to cover a larger area.

    On the other hand, I did manage to fill both birdfeeders and put out peanuts for the jays without mishaps, so maybe I can count the morning as 50% won. Is it time for a nap yet?

  107. 519


    Wait…with all this talk of a Moulin Rouge version, is/has-this-been a pre-existing thing?

    The protagonists of the 2001 film Moulin Rouge dance the tango to a tango-fied version of Roxanne at one point, yes.

  108. 520


    JimB, the problem with lasers is that they keep going and going and going….

    That’s not a bug, that’s a feature. 🙂

  109. 521

    I’m still having loading problems with the site a lot, and often new comments not showing up – is it just me?

    Gallbladder came out yesterday!

    Last night everything was terrible. Now it’s kind of ok. Everything still hurts, but it’s a bearable hurt. Thank goodness for hydrocodone. Tried eating a little soup broth this morning and only got a half a mug down, but just ate about a cup and a half of watermelon chunks (that I made poor Spouse go find me, about as off-season as one can get, because that was all I could think of stomaching).

    I was so, so glad last night for our small overfilled house. I could get from my bed to the bathroom in a dozen steps while being able to hang onto furniture/walls/etc. the whole way. And I’ve been pleasantly happy at the post-surgery transition, that we’ve had almost everything I need. I’m a bit of a packrat, but that’s my contended sign of a mature household – that you have what you need on hand for surprises. I can’t get into bed? There’s a stepstool I can use! Can’t get comfortable? There’s a couple of extra pillows I can pile up! I’m worried about my intestines? I still have half a can of fiber powder in the kitchen cabinet! Yay!

  110. rq

    Especially for cicely: does this answer the right question?
    (As it turns out, not I only does she (do I?) not have to sell the bucket to the night, neither does she has to do so tonight. What a relief!)
    Also, *hugs* and *confetti!!!* for the newly refurbished computer. May it never crash except when you need it to!

    In my opinion, it is always naptime, just not always convenient circumstances to actually implement the policy.

  111. 523


    Yay for getting rid of the gallbladder.

    Good luck to all the refugees and migrants waiting in Greece. Looks like they’re going to be shipped back to Turkey.

  112. 525

    Nothing is loading after Anne’s comment regarding gallbladders, so sorry if I’m missing anything but I just wanted to thank you all for the support yesterday. It meant a lot.

  113. 527

    Hi All, Waves around the Pub, takes stool closest to the olives:)

    A lot of comments I seemed to have missed.
    Carlie swift recuperation and soft hugs or higs if you want them.

    Cicely Glad you got a reliable computer. I want to put out there that I am getting rid of a computer I can’t use anymore and it still functions well. It is a desktop HP 2010 with windows 7 . It has a 20″ monitor and that is all I know. I don’t know if it would be a good thing or worth it not for anyone ( shipping and it being older etc) but it is available.

    Anne Feeding birds is very important. I don’t worry too much about forgetting because the Jays will screech and caw on my deck until I comply. They has me trained good!

    I don’t know if anyone remembers my son having an IPP for his day program and me taking the notebooks in myself to try to get a communication log going but, it hasn’t happened yet. They told his dad they were waiting for permission to start it from higher ups.? I remembered the director told me to keep her feet to the fire about it because she
    is so busy. I wonder how long I would be able to keep a job I had to be reminded to do? It is so fucking hard for me to be assertive in the first place about these things and I feel like I am just out of juice.

    rq I did’t notice until today that you had given me a sledgehammer a bit ago. I wanted you to know it has been received with gratitude. Smashing through walls right now with it!

  114. 528

    I have no idea how much it would be to ship, but L’s current computer is older than that, and bits are starting to wear out.

  115. 534

    Thanks, Beatrice and Giliell!


    and don’t let the time-lag discourage you

    Time-lag? What time-lag?
    Have… have you been doing the time warp again?


    Anyone who even thinks that will of course take 10 seconds to perform a Google search and find that IMD is on 11/19.

    That is beyond most people and, to my endless annoyance, even beyond many journalists.
    BTW, did you know how many inter/national cat days there are?

    I know a person who had his modem crush so often that he made a small fetish from old circuit boards and wire, which was dedicated to the computer gods. He prayed to it daily.

    A squeegee murderer.

    Apparently they don’t make squeegees like they used to. It seems very difficult to kill someone with one.

    My right hand keeps going numb.
    Stoopid carpal tunnel.

    Ahh… that brings me back to puberty.

    Congratulations on the successful operation!

  116. 536

    I feel like I always arrive at the speakeasy when everyone else has just left! I’m out of sync. Story of my life.

    Could any of you knowledgeable-about-birds people help me get birds to visit my garden? I always have a feeder with food in it, but it is rarely visited. The neighbour’s feeder quite regularly has birds, but mine only gets them when there are youngsters about and they need lots of feed. It has been suggested that the lack of trees in my garden might be an issue, but getting a reasonable size tree would take a lot of time. Is there anything else that might encourage birds?

    Also, our daughter’s nursery has called a meeting for all parents next Monday. This is worrying.

  117. rq


    I’m out of sync.

    [insert obligatory musician joke]
    Sorry, volumes of work so I can’t actually come up with something original.
    Also, doesn’t the nursery have regular parent meetings on occasion, just to keep everyone informed about [items]? I hope you don’t wear yourself out worrying about it.
    re: the birds
    Possibly tree, possibly try moving the feeder to a slightly more sheltered spot (is it out in the open?), and adding something else to the selection – not just, say, sunflower seeds, but bits of pig fat. Or you can roll seeds into balls with peanut butter and hang them in nets. Try for some variety like that, if it isn’t too time- and energy-consuming.

    Yay for Operation Out with the Gall! May your recovery be swift and complication-free. And don’t overreach yourself. 🙂 You’re allowed to take it easy.

  118. rq

    Found some lynx for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
    (Apologies, in refreshurgatory, so any new comments after bragimike’s re: the birds have not yet been seen. Including the one I wrote.)

  119. rq

    Looking for a story, hoping for Dalillama‘s bibliotēk-like knowledge of science fiction: two brothers, one of whom is religious, one of whom is to be cryonically frozen and then thawed at some future date; once thawed, the new world is a theocracy, due to his initial payment to his brother, which has made the church rich – but due to wording and because of church doctrine, most people are simply frozen, considered dead, and their assets absorbed by the church, the frozen brother is only thawed because he specifically requests his brother-the-priest do so, and in the end he is returned to the freezer because something-something abomination and sin. Anyone?
    It is not The Penultimate Trump (though similar), it is not a novel, it is a short story, and sorry, I can’t pinpoint any reasonable publishing year for it – I only that when I read it (a long time ago), it was already old. Ish. I think.

  120. 542

    Yay for working cicely computer
    Yay for no longer existing carlie gallbladder

    #1 is doing her maths again. She didn’t do anything in school and I know no mercy, even though getting a very intelligent 3rd grader to do her maths is more exhausting than getting teenagers with behavioural issues to sit still…

    The refugee situation is tearing my heart out. Of course I now have many of those kids in my classes, a large number of the older boys being kids who came here alone. And now those bastards all across Europe are cutting them off. Let’s face it: they might play offended when Beatrix von Storch fantasises about shooting them, but they are obviously ok with them starving, drowning, freezing and dying of diseases. In 50 years they will look back at this time and wonder how that could happen the same way they’re now looking at the Holocaust.

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