Until they confessed, I had no idea they were racist

Happy Saturday! The sun in shining. The birds are chirping. Racist scumbags are being racist scumbags.

In an interview with Channel 4, the pair of neo-Nazi’s in the above image proudly proclaimed their racism, whined about the imaginary discrimination faced by white people in the United States, and showed off their, um “lovely” headquarters.

Claiming to be leaders in a growing movement made up of white people who believe they are “under siege,” Mike Schoeler and “Captain” Brian Culpepper explained that white people have had enough.

I’m sure they have reams and reams of distorted statistics and cherry-picked evidence to support their beliefs. Or maybe they write their own news. Damn. Imagine those headlines:

NYC vendor chokes himself to death in effort to blame police officer


Black woman stopped for traffic offense commits cardinal sin of rolling her eyes at cops, thus failing to demonstrate proper deference to her masters, necessitating her arrest and later murder-by-cop and cover-up as suicide


17-year-old in a hoodie threatens to pelt neighborhood watchman with Skittles: “I had to kill him. It was self-defense. I’m allergic to Skittles!

“Whites are getting fed up,” Culpepper explained. “Whites are getting tired of being disenfranchised and neglected if not discriminated against by our own government.”

Won’t someone think of all the poor white people? White people only make up 90% of lawyers, 65% of politicians, the majority of Fortune 500 CEO’s, and they account for the overwhelming majority of Hollywood writers, directors, screenwriters, actors, and producers. And police officers? Who cares that in hundreds of departments across the country the percentage of white police officers is 30 percentage points higher than the communities they serve. None of that matters, because some white racists said that oh noez, the US government is neglecting and disenfranchising white peeps everywhere!

Hmm, there probably aren’t enough fainting couches for all the racist drama llamas in the country. What to do…what to do? Would it be evil to just let them fall out on the floor?

“Does it make you angry that a black man is your president?” the two men were asked.

“Absolutely, ” Culpepper replied. “Absolutely. We’re a white nation founded by and for the white man.”

I’ll take ‘Distorted understanding of history’ for $500, Alex. It’s distorted because it’s a narrow view of history informed by their racist beliefs.  People of color lived here before Europeans came over and stole these lands and butchered the Indians. People of color came over with the Europeans as well (albeit as slaves). There has never been a point in US history when this country has been a ‘white nation’.
At the same time, Captain racist asshat and his repugnant sidekick are kinda right. Just not in the way they think. The policies and laws of this country have always benefited white people. From local, state, and federal laws to our culture, to our churches, to our entertainment, to the job market, to the housing market-the entire system was built to benefit white people and marginalize People of Color. So in that sense, this is a white nation.
Somehow I don’t think these fucking racist goobers can understand that nuance though.

“I’m a racist, I certainly am,” he stated. “Extremist? That remains to be seen. ”

“Are you dangerous?” he was asked.

“No mam,” he replied.

Pardon me if I don’t take your word on that one.

Until they confessed, I had no idea they were racist