This shit is whack

As many people know, I’m not a religious person. I think religious belief has brought and continues to bring more pain, anguish, and suffering to the world than any good it may bring.  I think belief in an invisible, inaudible, intangible, undetectable entity, being, force, or energy is ridiculous.  I think believing in things for which there is no shred of evidence makes no sense and should not be advocated  (contrary to the beliefs of religious people, there is no actual evidence for any deity-not just their particular god, but the gods of the Greeks and Romans, the Mesopotamian gods, the Japanese gods of the Egyptian gods).  We tell children that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are not real after a certain age (and let me state for the record that I think parents ought to not teach children these lies as well; I know they’re meant in good fun, but children ought to be able to trust their parents, which means parents, whenever possible should not violate that trust), yet belief in a god or gods continues.  What’s more-there’s ostensibly more evidence that Santa Claus exists than god.  At least children can “see” Santa when they go to the mall.  You can’t see Yahweh, Odin, or Isis.  You can’t smell them. You can’t touch them. You can’t hear them (although many people claim they hear god, there is no way to verify their subjective experiences, and the human brain does an exemplary job of fooling itself and confirming our own biases is something we humans excel at).  You can’t taste god (although apparently Catholics think you can, sort of; communion wafers and wine being the body and blood of Christ which people then consume–that’s crazy talk people). There literally is no way to externally verify the existence of any god, yet people believe (this also, is not evidence for the existence of any deity; just because people believe in things or just because lots of people believe in things is not therefore evidence for the existence of those things).

Now, I recognize that people believe in all sorts of deities. We have Christians, Jews, and Muslims the world over that believe in their respective gods.  I don’t deny that they believe in something-I just deny the existence of that something.  Show me the evidence and I’ll change my mind. I’m not so dogmatic that I won’t change my mind on things.  But you’ve got to pony up the evidence.   I have yet to hear any evidence for the existence of any deity that can pass muster (a book created by collecting various writings over thousands of years and altered by countless people, which itself was inspired by the beliefs of people thousands of years prior to that and which has no means of validating the claims therein is most decidedly NOT evidence; nor is there any corroborating evidence to support the claims in any of the holy books from the big 3 religions).

As I look at religion, I find so many teachings to be arbitrary, ridiculous, and downright offensive.  No eating shellfish or wearing mixed fibers? No working on Sundays or no dancing? No drinking alcohol or going to the movies? No sex outside of marriage or abortion?  Gay people should be stoned and women should marry their rapists?  People listen to these rules all because they are told to, not based on how much harm or benefit they bring to people (which is a far better way to determine if an action is moral).

I read an article today discussing the missions that young Mormon men and women go on (proselytizing missions designed to convert people).  It contained some of the most ridiculous and bizarre religious teachings I’ve ever heard:

Putting eternal salvation into the hands of 19 year old missionaries:

All missionaries report to one of 15 missionary training centers throughout the world at the start of their mission. The largest training center, in Provo, Utah, stretches several miles alongside BYU and accommodates up to 4,000 missionaries-in-training who are called “Elders” and “Sisters.” For up to 12 weeks, they receive classroom instruction in foreign languages, theology, and conversational strategies, guided by Preach My Gospel, while the Missionary Handbook outlines acceptable language, dress, conduct, tithing, and relationships. Several missionaries described the training center as “boot camp” for its spiritual and emotional “breakdowns” and highlighted its rigorous sixteen-hour schedule—the same hours missionaries keep throughout their time abroad.

“It was like a college dorm with a bunch of clean-cut men that all look the same,” says Timion, the missionary who converted at age 17. “A clone center. They let you know that everything you’ve done is a sin. All these 19-year-old boys and 21-year-old girls feel horrible about themselves, and confess and are forgiven. It was a very, very long, miserable experience that I wouldn’t want to relive.”

The missionary training center is also a missionary’s first experience of companionship—having an assigned companion by your side 24 hours a day, seven days a week, as you dress, bathe, study, eat, and sleep. If you want to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you have to wake your companion and have him stand guard outside the door. “Your missionary companion is there to keep you on the straight and narrow path, so you don’t let Satan win,” Timion says.

It’s that last paragraph, which I’ve bolded, that stood out to me in this article. Especially the part where you have to wake your companion if you need to poop or pee in the middle of the night. I think about all the times I’ve woken in the night. Often to pee.

Sometimes to check on a strange noise. Sometimes I’m thirsty.
If I were a Mormon on a mission, I’d have to have my designated companion with me at all times (at least they stand outside the bathroom, instead of right there with you; although if you just took a fierce poop, they probably won’t like the stench when the door opens)? This idea that satan lurks behind every corner, in every crack and crevice…it’s just utterly foreign to me. It sounds like Mormons would be scared to go anywhere!  I also wonder what happens to the companion after the missionaries are done with their work. Are Mormons supposed to get married after they come back from their missions, so that they can have their spouse constantly watch their backs? Do wives and husbands have to wake one another in the middle of the night to get a piece of popcorn out of their teeth?*
This shit is whack.**

It’s also bizarre. The purpose of the companion is to help prevent satan from influencing your buddy.
I’ve watched Supernatural and Buffy. I know these demons are powerful***. It takes people with a great deal of physical or supernatural power, access to mystical weapons or books of immense power, and years of skill battling demons, vampires, and the forces of darkness before you’d be anywhere near capable of warding off the various dukes and lords of the nether realms.
You mean to tell me that two 19 year olds with no experience in all of that can protect each other from the prince of darkness?
That’s deeply stooooooooopid.

Then there’s the flip side of this. Supposedly normal, everyday humans are effective at battling satan. That makes me think he’s a big old weakling who can’t do anything (rather like god, who can’t heal amputees). Seriously, if a two 19 year olds can ward off satan, how powerful is he? How can he convert anyone to anything?
I guess this is one of those complex theological issues where satan is simultaneously supremely powerful, and weaker than Aunt May at once. Makes as much sense as the holy trinity, I guess.

*are they even allowed to eat popcorn?
**I’ve been reading too much ‘Yo! Is this racist?’ lately

***I’m kidding. While I do watch those shows, I don’t believe in demons any more than I believe in deities.  They’re in the same category as gods, dragons, elves, fairies, trolls, or minotaurs (that category being  “Beings I do not believe in because there is no evidence to support their existence”)

 

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This shit is whack
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