Month: July 2014

On Women in Refrigerators

Tony Thompson

Let’s be clear here: you don’t have a Woman in Refrigerator every time a female character dies, nor even every time one dies and a man in her life chooses to do something about it. The real issue is agency, which we can shorthand as the ability to make meaningful choices, to take meaningful action. If the woman dies fighting for a cause she believes in, she isn’t in the refrigerator. If she uncovers the villain’s secret and is killed to keep her from telling, she isn’t in the refrigerator. It doesn’t even have to be noble; if she makes a stupid mistake and gets herself dead, I still don’t think it’s part of this trope. The point is that her death has a context related to her own actions. She’s a character, not a pawn sacrificed to push someone else’s story forward.

(source: sfnovelists, via sapphoshands) 

On Women in Refrigerators
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Queer Families

Tony Thompson

Some children are born into families.  Some children are adopted into them.  Neither one is better or worse.  There is no recipe for creating the ideal family situation for children.  There are, however, some crucial ingredients:  love, and a desire on the part of the parent or parents to raise children:

Cherie is white and Diane is black. Together, they felt they could be good parents for an African American male.

Choosing this path to parenthood wasn’t just a matter of addressing the greatest need, though. They both put a lot of thought into it. As a sergeant in the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, Diane has seen the disproportionate number of black men arrested, convicted and incarcerated. And she has thought long and hard about the societal factors involved. Cherie and Diane both knew that raising a black boy would be particularly challenging in today’s culture and society.

Diane was born in Natchitoches, Louisiana with a birth certificate stating she was “Negro.” Growing up in South Central Los Angeles during the 1970s, she often felt a stranger in her own community.

“I wasn’t dark enough and my hair was ‘good hair,’ so I was not accepted in my black community,” said Diane. “I witnessed discrimination within my own culture and outside of my culture in many aspects — race, gender, and sexual preference. Because of this, I am better prepared to assist my own son when he faces any type of discrimination.”

Diane’s quest to improve opportunities is not just personal, but professional as well.

“I’m finally in a position on the Sheriff’s Department where I feel like I can truly make a difference in young students lives,” Diane explained. “I work within the Community College Bureau assigned to the campus of Los Angeles Trade Technical College located in downtown Los Angeles. LATTC has a large population of minorities and I have made it my passion to see each and every one of them graduated. I want them to know and feel that I would rather shake their hands at graduation than place them in handcuffs.”

John Robert is three years old, with a twinkling smile and an infectious laugh. He is clearly confident with his family, strongly attached to his parents and well loved. Diane and Cherie want to keep it that way.

“We’ve had John in our lives since he was seven days old,” Cherie said. “The process of being approved for foster/adopt took approximately nine months, like a pregnancy. We received the call for John six weeks later. We experienced no intolerance, ignorance, or prejudice in the foster-adoption process. We were treated like any other family trying to fulfill their need to have children. Each person in the system—and we dealt with a lot—were very kind, helpful, and receptive.”

The Dodds completed John Robert’s adoption in August 2012.

“Providing a safe home for a child less fortunate is always something we wanted to do,” said Cherie. “We traveled the road of pursuing having a child through pregnancy as this, too, was a process we wanted to experience, and we traveled them both at the same time. We left it up to fate to tell us which direction was the direction we were to go in. John came to us, and we feel it was very much a Divine move.”

Diane and Cherie have found the parenting process very rewarding and a welcome complement to their relationship. Devoted to each other as well as their son, they have received a great well of support from their families and friends as they raise their child.

Diane and Cherie say they want other people contemplating foster and adoption to realize it is a great option for family building.

“Dreams can be fulfilled through this process — both for the parent and the child in need,” said Diane. “Children need a safe place to experience life and deserve to have a fair shot at an amazing life. We strive to provide John with light and love and endless opportunities. Every child deserves this.”

(source:  HuffingtonPost)

Black children are less likely to be adopted than White or Hispanic children, thus leaving more young black kids without loving homes. All children deserve to have permanent homes, and loved ones who care for and want them.  Since black children are less likely than White or Hispanic children to find such homes, I applaud Cherie and Diane’s decision to foster-adopt their son John.

Queer Families

I don’t like the word ‘Slut’

Tony Thompson

“Look at that low cut dress! She must be on the prowl tonight. What a slut!”

“She slept with 5 guys last month.  What a slut!”

“She broke up with me and now she’s seeing someone else.  She’s such a slut.”

‘Slut’ is a word that is spoken in many a social interaction. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard it.  Almost without fail, the speaker is criticizing a woman for being sexual. Here in the US, there’s still an expectation that women are supposed to be chaste.  They’re supposed to be pure, untouched, virginal.  They aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage, and if they do, they’re broken, used, and unworthy.

I detest that line of thinking.

Why is it considered socially acceptable for a man to sleep with multiple partners?  Why are men applauded for having lots of sexual partners? Why are men encouraged to “sow their oats”?  Why cannot women do the same?  Women are humans too.

And women like sex.  Every woman I’ve spoken to on the subject like sex.  A lot.  They don’t express it in the same ways that men do, probably because they’ve been socialized to not talk about sex in the same way that men do.  They still like it.  They should still be free to have whatever kind of sex (as long as it is between consenting adults) they please.  However often they please.  With as many partners as they please.  Women do not exist for the judgment of others.  What they choose to do with their bodies, and whom they choose to do that with is not for others to decide.  It’s not a question of right or wrong when it comes to expressions of sexuality.  People ought to respect a woman’s decision to be as sexual as she chooses without shaming her for it.

Everydayfeminism has an article arguing that people should stop using the word:

How would you describe that low-cut, tight dress you just bought for your best friend’s party? Would you call it sexy? daring? fun? Or would you use a more negative term like “slutty?”

And that fun one-night stand your neighbor had last weekend – would you describe her actions as adventurous or “skanky?”

The word slut is a common slur in our modern day vernacular. No doubt, it still carries weight if said with malicious intent.

But in recent years, the word has become deeply ingrained into our culture to the point where people say it too easily and too casually.

As innocuous as using pejorative terms may seem when used in reference to clothing or the activities of others, they undoubtedly still imply negativity surrounding female sexuality.

And using them just validates the societal standard of a perfect, virginal-until-marriage, demure woman as an ideal.

That ideal there?

That’s a puritanical, religiously derived “ideal” of women.  It’s informed not by respect for women or recognizing that they are human beings with the right to make decisions on their own.  It’s informed by men and their beliefs on what is right and proper with regard to womens’ behavior, specifically their sexuality.

Many of us have been called a slut at some point in our lives — or have thrown the epithet at someone else. But what does it really mean?

The word “slut” originates in Old English, meaning a “messy, dirty, or untidy” woman or girl. Because of this, it was frequently used as a term for kitchen maids and servant girls. By the 15th century, the word took on the meaning of a “promiscuous woman” as well.

Think about it: Have you ever called someone a slut, whether in jest or seriously? What did it mean to you? And what do you think it meant to the person it was directed toward?

I have used the word in the past, without thinking about what the word means.  I stopped using it once I began frequenting feminist spaces.  Initially I stopped using it because the word is a gendered slur and there are many places where the use of the word is not appreciated or even off-limits.  After spending time in feminist spaces for some time, I came to understand *why* I shouldn’t use the word.  Most of my understanding of feminism in general and how gendered slurs work has been in the last 4 years.  I’ve successfully eliminated gendered slurs from my everyday speech and writings.  It took a modicum of effort, but considering that I respect women, the effort to not slut-shame was worth it.

To slut-shame means to “degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.”

Most of us, whether we realize it or not, have judged or degraded someone (usually a woman) for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings outside of marriage.

It happens all the time. That young celebrity who wears something more daring than her usual attire is automatically described in terms of “her slutty side.” We see a beautiful woman who is wearing heavy makeup and comment on how she is lovely, but she looks like a stripper. We condemn our sexual thoughts as slutty instead of explorative.

As a culture, we are quick to use words that paint female sexuality as disgraceful – even if we don’t realize that we are doing it.

It took thinking about the word ‘slut’ and what it means and how it affects women for me to understand the harm. As I said above, it shames women for having sex.  Yet there’s nothing wrong with having sex; no matter your gender!  I should also note that the word ‘slut’ isn’t always used as an insult to women (though the use of the word is most often aimed at women).  I’ve heard it used often in gay culture.  I’ve been to many a gay bar and heard people refer to someone as a slut.  The intent was always to convey disapproval of the choices men made in whom they slept with.  I’ve even heard people refer to themselves as ‘sluts’.  Usually it’s half-hearted humor, but digging deeper, gay men often have called themselves sluts because they think there’s something wrong with sex.  Once again, the puritanical mindset concerning sex rears its ugly head.  As a society, we need to reframe our discussions about sex.  We need to understand that sex, when between consenting adults, is a perfectly natural and harmless, often enjoyable activity.  We need to become sex-positive, instead of sex-negative.  In the process of doing so, we can hopefully shed the harmful discrimination and oppression of women, and instead help empower them.

 

 

I don’t like the word ‘Slut’

I don't like the word 'Slut'

Tony Thompson

“Look at that low cut dress! She must be on the prowl tonight. What a slut!”

“She slept with 5 guys last month.  What a slut!”

“She broke up with me and now she’s seeing someone else.  She’s such a slut.”

‘Slut’ is a word that is spoken in many a social interaction. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard it.  Almost without fail, the speaker is criticizing a woman for being sexual. Here in the US, there’s still an expectation that women are supposed to be chaste.  They’re supposed to be pure, untouched, virginal.  They aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage, and if they do, they’re broken, used, and unworthy.

I detest that line of thinking.

Why is it considered socially acceptable for a man to sleep with multiple partners?  Why are men applauded for having lots of sexual partners? Why are men encouraged to “sow their oats”?  Why cannot women do the same?  Women are humans too.

And women like sex.  Every woman I’ve spoken to on the subject like sex.  A lot.  They don’t express it in the same ways that men do, probably because they’ve been socialized to not talk about sex in the same way that men do.  They still like it.  They should still be free to have whatever kind of sex (as long as it is between consenting adults) they please.  However often they please.  With as many partners as they please.  Women do not exist for the judgment of others.  What they choose to do with their bodies, and whom they choose to do that with is not for others to decide.  It’s not a question of right or wrong when it comes to expressions of sexuality.  People ought to respect a woman’s decision to be as sexual as she chooses without shaming her for it.

Everydayfeminism has an article arguing that people should stop using the word:

How would you describe that low-cut, tight dress you just bought for your best friend’s party? Would you call it sexy? daring? fun? Or would you use a more negative term like “slutty?”

And that fun one-night stand your neighbor had last weekend – would you describe her actions as adventurous or “skanky?”

The word slut is a common slur in our modern day vernacular. No doubt, it still carries weight if said with malicious intent.

But in recent years, the word has become deeply ingrained into our culture to the point where people say it too easily and too casually.

As innocuous as using pejorative terms may seem when used in reference to clothing or the activities of others, they undoubtedly still imply negativity surrounding female sexuality.

And using them just validates the societal standard of a perfect, virginal-until-marriage, demure woman as an ideal.

That ideal there?

That’s a puritanical, religiously derived “ideal” of women.  It’s informed not by respect for women or recognizing that they are human beings with the right to make decisions on their own.  It’s informed by men and their beliefs on what is right and proper with regard to womens’ behavior, specifically their sexuality.

Many of us have been called a slut at some point in our lives — or have thrown the epithet at someone else. But what does it really mean?

The word “slut” originates in Old English, meaning a “messy, dirty, or untidy” woman or girl. Because of this, it was frequently used as a term for kitchen maids and servant girls. By the 15th century, the word took on the meaning of a “promiscuous woman” as well.

Think about it: Have you ever called someone a slut, whether in jest or seriously? What did it mean to you? And what do you think it meant to the person it was directed toward?

I have used the word in the past, without thinking about what the word means.  I stopped using it once I began frequenting feminist spaces.  Initially I stopped using it because the word is a gendered slur and there are many places where the use of the word is not appreciated or even off-limits.  After spending time in feminist spaces for some time, I came to understand *why* I shouldn’t use the word.  Most of my understanding of feminism in general and how gendered slurs work has been in the last 4 years.  I’ve successfully eliminated gendered slurs from my everyday speech and writings.  It took a modicum of effort, but considering that I respect women, the effort to not slut-shame was worth it.

To slut-shame means to “degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.”

Most of us, whether we realize it or not, have judged or degraded someone (usually a woman) for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings outside of marriage.

It happens all the time. That young celebrity who wears something more daring than her usual attire is automatically described in terms of “her slutty side.” We see a beautiful woman who is wearing heavy makeup and comment on how she is lovely, but she looks like a stripper. We condemn our sexual thoughts as slutty instead of explorative.

As a culture, we are quick to use words that paint female sexuality as disgraceful – even if we don’t realize that we are doing it.

It took thinking about the word ‘slut’ and what it means and how it affects women for me to understand the harm. As I said above, it shames women for having sex.  Yet there’s nothing wrong with having sex; no matter your gender!  I should also note that the word ‘slut’ isn’t always used as an insult to women (though the use of the word is most often aimed at women).  I’ve heard it used often in gay culture.  I’ve been to many a gay bar and heard people refer to someone as a slut.  The intent was always to convey disapproval of the choices men made in whom they slept with.  I’ve even heard people refer to themselves as ‘sluts’.  Usually it’s half-hearted humor, but digging deeper, gay men often have called themselves sluts because they think there’s something wrong with sex.  Once again, the puritanical mindset concerning sex rears its ugly head.  As a society, we need to reframe our discussions about sex.  We need to understand that sex, when between consenting adults, is a perfectly natural and harmless, often enjoyable activity.  We need to become sex-positive, instead of sex-negative.  In the process of doing so, we can hopefully shed the harmful discrimination and oppression of women, and instead help empower them.

 

 

I don't like the word 'Slut'

Nature on display

Tony Thompson

Photographer Francisco Negroni is a talented artist who has captured multiple awe-inspiring images of nature.  I was introduced to hir work by way of Sapphoshands; specifically these electrifying images:

 

Nature on display

DC might just win me back if…

Tony Thompson

…they produced a Wonder Woman animated series.  Sadly, they haven’t.  But an artist at DeviantArt has produced a gorgeous image reflecting what such a show might look like.

(source: tremary, via sapphoshands) 

More from tremary:

 

DC might just win me back if…

I think Ray Comfort flunked middle school science class

Tony Thompson

(source: pharyngula)

Last time I checked, science demonstrated that gravity exists in space.  It’s what keeps moons in orbit around planets. It also keeps planets in orbit around the sun.  

I think Ray Comfort flunked middle school science class

First look at Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman

Tony Thompson

I’m still more than a little annoyed at Warner Brothers for not making a Wonder Woman film. Women are not complicated.  Wonder Woman’s backstory is no more complicated than Thor’s, and he got a movie.  It is not hard to make a movie with a woman as the star.  Women will go see such a movie. A lot of men will go see such a movie.  

Here is the first look at the first big screen image of Wonder Woman:

It’s a nice image, but I wish the red and blue were more pronounced.  Just like the Man of Steel Superman costume, the colors of WW’s costume are far too muted.  Which plays into the darker, grittier look of the films (IMO, that’s not a good thing).

First look at Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman