“Look at that low cut dress! She must be on the prowl tonight. What a slut!”
“She slept with 5 guys last month. What a slut!”
“She broke up with me and now she’s seeing someone else. She’s such a slut.”
‘Slut’ is a word that is spoken in many a social interaction. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard it. Almost without fail, the speaker is criticizing a woman for being sexual. Here in the US, there’s still an expectation that women are supposed to be chaste. They’re supposed to be pure, untouched, virginal. They aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage, and if they do, they’re broken, used, and unworthy.
I detest that line of thinking.
Why is it considered socially acceptable for a man to sleep with multiple partners? Why are men applauded for having lots of sexual partners? Why are men encouraged to “sow their oats”? Why cannot women do the same? Women are humans too.
And women like sex. Every woman I’ve spoken to on the subject like sex. A lot. They don’t express it in the same ways that men do, probably because they’ve been socialized to not talk about sex in the same way that men do. They still like it. They should still be free to have whatever kind of sex (as long as it is between consenting adults) they please. However often they please. With as many partners as they please. Women do not exist for the judgment of others. What they choose to do with their bodies, and whom they choose to do that with is not for others to decide. It’s not a question of right or wrong when it comes to expressions of sexuality. People ought to respect a woman’s decision to be as sexual as she chooses without shaming her for it.
Everydayfeminism has an article arguing that people should stop using the word:
How would you describe that low-cut, tight dress you just bought for your best friend’s party? Would you call it sexy? daring? fun? Or would you use a more negative term like “slutty?”
And that fun one-night stand your neighbor had last weekend – would you describe her actions as adventurous or “skanky?”
The word slut is a common slur in our modern day vernacular. No doubt, it still carries weight if said with malicious intent.
But in recent years, the word has become deeply ingrained into our culture to the point where people say it too easily and too casually.
As innocuous as using pejorative terms may seem when used in reference to clothing or the activities of others, they undoubtedly still imply negativity surrounding female sexuality.
And using them just validates the societal standard of a perfect, virginal-until-marriage, demure woman as an ideal.
That ideal there?
That’s a puritanical, religiously derived “ideal” of women. It’s informed not by respect for women or recognizing that they are human beings with the right to make decisions on their own. It’s informed by men and their beliefs on what is right and proper with regard to womens’ behavior, specifically their sexuality.
Many of us have been called a slut at some point in our lives — or have thrown the epithet at someone else. But what does it really mean?
The word “slut” originates in Old English, meaning a “messy, dirty, or untidy” woman or girl. Because of this, it was frequently used as a term for kitchen maids and servant girls. By the 15th century, the word took on the meaning of a “promiscuous woman” as well.
Think about it: Have you ever called someone a slut, whether in jest or seriously? What did it mean to you? And what do you think it meant to the person it was directed toward?
I have used the word in the past, without thinking about what the word means. I stopped using it once I began frequenting feminist spaces. Initially I stopped using it because the word is a gendered slur and there are many places where the use of the word is not appreciated or even off-limits. After spending time in feminist spaces for some time, I came to understand *why* I shouldn’t use the word. Most of my understanding of feminism in general and how gendered slurs work has been in the last 4 years. I’ve successfully eliminated gendered slurs from my everyday speech and writings. It took a modicum of effort, but considering that I respect women, the effort to not slut-shame was worth it.
To slut-shame means to “degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.”
Most of us, whether we realize it or not, have judged or degraded someone (usually a woman) for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings outside of marriage.
It happens all the time. That young celebrity who wears something more daring than her usual attire is automatically described in terms of “her slutty side.” We see a beautiful woman who is wearing heavy makeup and comment on how she is lovely, but she looks like a stripper. We condemn our sexual thoughts as slutty instead of explorative.
As a culture, we are quick to use words that paint female sexuality as disgraceful – even if we don’t realize that we are doing it.
It took thinking about the word ‘slut’ and what it means and how it affects women for me to understand the harm. As I said above, it shames women for having sex. Yet there’s nothing wrong with having sex; no matter your gender! I should also note that the word ‘slut’ isn’t always used as an insult to women (though the use of the word is most often aimed at women). I’ve heard it used often in gay culture. I’ve been to many a gay bar and heard people refer to someone as a slut. The intent was always to convey disapproval of the choices men made in whom they slept with. I’ve even heard people refer to themselves as ‘sluts’. Usually it’s half-hearted humor, but digging deeper, gay men often have called themselves sluts because they think there’s something wrong with sex. Once again, the puritanical mindset concerning sex rears its ugly head. As a society, we need to reframe our discussions about sex. We need to understand that sex, when between consenting adults, is a perfectly natural and harmless, often enjoyable activity. We need to become sex-positive, instead of sex-negative. In the process of doing so, we can hopefully shed the harmful discrimination and oppression of women, and instead help empower them.
