Mock The Movie: Deadly Outbreak transcript

This was not Outbreak, the similarly-titled, temporally-coinciding 1995 movie about a virus outbreak. This was a bog-standard shoot-em-up with as many misogynist nicknames for the lead female protagonist as there were bullets in the male protagonist by the end of the film. Also, it was apparently sponsored by Pepsi, but we didn’t see any product placements so we decided Pepsi must be one of the ingredients in the doomsday virus McGuffin.

Watch for the guy who could have been Bret Hart’s body double.

@MockTM: Just kidding. Three hours. RT @MockTM Two hours to mocking! http://t.co/0WngIA4Hlk
2015-02-04 23:01:18
@lousycanuck: Just kidding kidding, @MockTM starts in a little under an hour! Free on Youtube! It’s called Deadly Outbreak. WE’LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
2015-02-05 01:08:19
@DrRubidium: Tonight’s @mockTM sounds AWFUL. I <3 it. http://t.co/5x5YEwXeVA
2015-02-05 01:20:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, ready to press “play”
2015-02-05 01:58:46
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM Stay on target…
2015-02-05 01:59:08
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM With this hard cider I’ve got, that might prove tricky
2015-02-05 01:59:34
@MockTM: Aaaaaand MAKE MOVIE GO NOW @MockTM
2015-02-05 02:00:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM “No Image productions”? Odd name for a movie company.
2015-02-05 02:01:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Washington DC, 5am. Wait, what time zone?
2015-02-05 02:01:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “A Goldbar Medicated Foot Powder Production”
2015-02-05 02:01:32
@CA7746: @MockTM Always dress stealthy to plant your flashing beeping explosives.
2015-02-05 02:01:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM BA BA DA, BA DA DA
2015-02-05 02:01:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Five devices are in place. Exposition is standing by.”
2015-02-05 02:02:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I always properly label my detonator so I don’t mix it up with my large metal box with single red button on it that turns on the TV
2015-02-05 02:02:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM This new version of Solitaire is really hard!
2015-02-05 02:02:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM Blank Stares 3.11 for Workgroups
2015-02-05 02:02:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Some Rons are Silver, the others Gold
2015-02-05 02:03:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m fine, but you’re not getting a baby brother any time soon.”
2015-02-05 02:04:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lean forward, look behind you, aim for the nards, kick. Good kick, good kick.
2015-02-05 02:04:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Ron Silver. What the hell are you doing in this movie?
2015-02-05 02:04:20
@leilah: @mocktm Wait. I thought we were watching Deadly Outbreak.
2015-02-05 02:04:30
@szvan: @MockTM As always, when I come in late on one of these, I assume I haven’t missed anything, much less anything critical to the plot.
2015-02-05 02:04:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hi, I’m evil and bored.”
2015-02-05 02:05:01
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM This is shot like an episode of Police Squad.
2015-02-05 02:05:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That cigarette had better get lit by the end of the shot. And that garrotte wire. And that newspaper.
2015-02-05 02:05:06
@leilah: @mocktm Roomiest plane EVER.
2015-02-05 02:05:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Boards plane. Twiddles thumbs. Looks at watch. “Pfft, good thing we hurried.”
2015-02-05 02:05:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM Is it really a good idea to open your movie with people napping?
2015-02-05 02:05:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I am old enough to have owned a Bum sweatshirt. #dontjudgeme
2015-02-05 02:05:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM All these idyllic and pastoral scenes are setting you up for the “everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked” moment.
2015-02-05 02:06:22
@leilah: @mocktm Why even _bother_ bringing coffee if you’re not going to let them drink it?
2015-02-05 02:06:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM ” ‘Would you like some coffee?’ Damn, I suck at these lines. What was I *thinking*?”
2015-02-05 02:06:30
@szvan: @MockTM See, when they offer you coffee…. #toosoon?
2015-02-05 02:06:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM homebody is just casually filing his nails on the the jet. As you do. Wouldn’t want to scratch somebody while kicking their ass.
2015-02-05 02:06:56
@CA7746: @MockTM Ahem. That’s *Doctor* Colonel Baron!
2015-02-05 02:06:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What the H-E-Double-HockeySticks…
2015-02-05 02:07:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM “There’s jam dripping down my radar screen!”
2015-02-05 02:07:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why bother with a silencer? You’re on a plane. In the sky. Where the hell are they going to go?
2015-02-05 02:07:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM RADAR DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY
2015-02-05 02:08:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t forget tomorrow.” “What’s tomorrow?” “TOMORROW.” “Oh right, the day when everything changes!”
2015-02-05 02:08:47
@leilah: @mocktm Please tell me that’s not our hero. I’ve seen more interesting toast.
2015-02-05 02:08:48
@szvan: @MockTM This is supposed to be touching, right?
2015-02-05 02:09:09
@CA7746: @MockTM Colonel Baron: “Hello, I’m Dr. Andrews.” Called it!
2015-02-05 02:09:49

@lousycanuck: @MockTM Doctor Colonel Kaiser Leftenant Grand Nagus Baron.
2015-02-05 02:10:34
@CA7746: @MockTM No. You may NOT ride with me. You called me ‘hat rack’. You just made THE LIST.
2015-02-05 02:10:43
@CA7746: @MockTM “Iraq.” “Stupid war.” 1995… oh *that* war.
2015-02-05 02:11:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Tell me Sgt, seen any action? You want to? #villainpickuplines
2015-02-05 02:12:05
@DrRubidium: @MockTM it is a legal requirement that the lead henchman wear a black mandarin collar
2015-02-05 02:12:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This movie isn’t nearly deadly enough yet. Nor outbreakey.
2015-02-05 02:12:49
@CA7746: @MockTM Ooh, an Erlenmeyer penny jar.
2015-02-05 02:13:01
@leilah: @mocktm Coloured water! My favourite lab equipment!
2015-02-05 02:13:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Their equipment is heavy. And so is the Hand of Foreshadowing.
2015-02-05 02:13:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM HEY CAN YA HURRY UP THE MAKING VIRUSES AND SHIT, JEEZ
2015-02-05 02:13:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “These are my colleagues, Doctors Smith and Wesson.”
2015-02-05 02:14:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Doctor Doctor, Doctor Blair, Doctor J Hamilton, Doctor J Hamilton
2015-02-05 02:14:41
@DrRubidium: @MockTM of course it’s purple! Everybody knows purple = death
2015-02-05 02:14:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM He shot that guard with a flail gun!
2015-02-05 02:15:18
@szvan: @MockTM How long does her hair stay up? The glasses already came off.
2015-02-05 02:15:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that was a brilliant thing to do.
2015-02-05 02:16:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What the hell is HEY WHY ARE YOU WIPING STRAWBERRY JAM ON MY NECK
2015-02-05 02:16:41
@leilah: @blakestacey @MockTM Could have just said “yes.” It’s not like he was going to come back later and argue about it.
2015-02-05 02:17:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’re not a doctor of anything!” “Oh, sure, feed my impostor syndrome, why don’t you!”
2015-02-05 02:17:14
@DrRubidium: @mockTM so a place with that much security decided AGAINST bulletproof windows? Sure. Okay.
2015-02-05 02:17:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m here to kick ass and pad my CV, and I’m all out of spurious citations.”
2015-02-05 02:17:59
@leilah: @mocktm Dude. Dude. Tie your hair back before the important missions.
2015-02-05 02:18:00
@szvan: @MockTM Gunfights are rarely good, but I feel a need to offer lessons in angles and momentum.
2015-02-05 02:18:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Everyone walk into line of fire one at a time, don’t bother with corner checks! This is urgent!
2015-02-05 02:18:23
@leilah: @mocktm “This is a WAY better gun than mine!”
2015-02-05 02:18:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM WITTY BANTER-TRON ENGAGE!
2015-02-05 02:19:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is another fine mess, I tell ya, Ralphie-boy.
2015-02-05 02:19:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Be cool, bro.” Really? For serious. This movie.
2015-02-05 02:19:34
@CA7746: @MockTM “The gawds are dead.” Ima call you Nietzsche.
2015-02-05 02:20:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM *expends eight thousand bullets* “Think we got him?”
2015-02-05 02:20:14
@leilah: @mocktm They have hinged vents? That’s handy as hell.
2015-02-05 02:20:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What’s happening is, these computers just had a Blue Screen of Death.”
2015-02-05 02:20:33
@DrRubidium: @mockTM they’re going through ammo like Kardashians go through husbands.
2015-02-05 02:20:35
@szvan: @MockTM When Shatner’s cadence would be an improvement.
2015-02-05 02:20:41
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM Most… ANY…thing… Would—Be!
2015-02-05 02:21:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM When ya got infinite ammo, spray and pray is the way to play.
2015-02-05 02:21:33
@CA7746: @MockTM To be fair, the gunmen don’t hate windows. That glass was in pane.
2015-02-05 02:21:44
@DrRubidium: @mockTM OMG! He hacked the mainframe!!! <- can’t believe nobody has said that
2015-02-05 02:22:04
@leilah: @CA7746 @MockTM Oh, OW…
2015-02-05 02:22:04
@CA7746: @MockTM Metal barrels are bulletproof… unless there’s a “flammable liquid” sticker.
2015-02-05 02:22:05
@szvan: @MockTM And already, our “hero” survives by the sheer dumb luck of having incompetent enemies.
2015-02-05 02:22:07
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM What was the code for that, IDPOE? IDEOP?
2015-02-05 02:22:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look, hiding behind the flammable barrels is actually taking cover, which is better than anyone else has managed so far.
2015-02-05 02:22:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM So that’s what the voice f QBASIC sounds like.
2015-02-05 02:22:46
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM IDSPISPOPD
2015-02-05 02:22:49
@szvan: @MockTM They’re going to have to turn communications back on just to stop the beeping.
2015-02-05 02:22:53
@CA7746: @MockTM “I just saw a gawd in the hallway.” Dammit Nietzsche, make up your mind!
2015-02-05 02:24:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, her glasses are already off. How long before the hair comes loose?
2015-02-05 02:24:07
@leilah: @mocktm Since when is the US Embassy the good guys?
2015-02-05 02:24:08
@leilah: @mocktm Wait, find your way out? How did he get into work if he doesn’t know how to get out of the building?
2015-02-05 02:24:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Shoot anything that moves–” *blam* “AGH GOD DAMN IT” “You were moving!!”
2015-02-05 02:25:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Don’t worry, you’re going to be all right.” “Thanks for the kiss of death, sir.”
2015-02-05 02:25:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Ron Silver can phone the bad guy role in. Pretty sure he did here from Silverlake.
2015-02-05 02:25:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look, let’s be real, these are ALL Americans. Except for that one henchman — I think that’s Bret Hart.
2015-02-05 02:25:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM BUM BUM BUM BUMBUM
2015-02-05 02:26:03
@CA7746: @MockTM The Twilight Zone theme just doesn’t work on an ice cream van.
2015-02-05 02:26:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM wee ooo wee ooo wee ooo
2015-02-05 02:26:18
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM Picture it: it was an ice cream van of the imagination.
2015-02-05 02:26:44
@leilah: @mocktm Oh no! Not a cylinder??
2015-02-05 02:26:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I saw a woman in the restroom holding a cylinder.” Hey, you perv
2015-02-05 02:27:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM BUMBUMBUM BA DA DA
2015-02-05 02:27:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, let’s solve this issue by flushing the deadly virus down the toilet!
2015-02-05 02:27:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM If Colonel Gideon doesn’t quote Ezekiel 25:17 at some point, I will be sorely disappointed
2015-02-05 02:27:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, that guy just jumped
2015-02-05 02:28:11
@DrRubidium: @mockTM That scene http://t.co/3UtDYvZcJI
2015-02-05 02:28:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Let me give you a taste of the destructive power I control.” *lights Zippo* “See that? Fire. Fiiiiiire.”
2015-02-05 02:28:23
@szvan: @MockTM I’m not sure whose professionalism I’m less impressed with: the henchmen or the actors.
2015-02-05 02:28:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait a sec. Weren’t there bombs in Washington at the start of this movie?
2015-02-05 02:28:50
@leilah: @mocktm What the heck accent is that supposed to even be?
2015-02-05 02:29:40
@szvan: @MockTM No, no. Leave the cylinder on top of the wall. These guys will never think to look up there.
2015-02-05 02:29:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh shit, your stand on toilet gambit failed!!
2015-02-05 02:29:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM Shoulder, Instep, Knee, Groin!
2015-02-05 02:30:18
@CA7746: @MockTM *slap* *slap* *slap-slap-slap*
2015-02-05 02:31:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM And if you’d shot him instead of going for the one-liner, we’d be done by now
2015-02-05 02:31:10
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, right. I know how to hit people. I forgot.
2015-02-05 02:31:11
@leilah: @mocktm Suddenly, I’m glad I gave Frogtown a miss.
2015-02-05 02:31:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He didn’t tweak his nose! What a missed opportunity.
2015-02-05 02:31:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Who are you?” “I’m Sergeant Goodchin.”
2015-02-05 02:32:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, let’s just keep mistreating the woman who was almost raped just now.
2015-02-05 02:32:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “And I am *not* your sweetheart!” Oh, just wait 55 minutes, girlfriend
2015-02-05 02:32:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Babe, sweetheart, darling. She didn’t go to doctor school to be treated this way!
2015-02-05 02:34:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “That’s DOCTOR Babe to you.”
2015-02-05 02:34:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Sergeant Rambo”? Dude. He’s clearly a MacLane.
2015-02-05 02:35:07
@CA7746: @MockTM I thought he was Captain Hammer.
2015-02-05 02:35:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, isn’t Rambo a licensed property? That’s twice they’ve referenced it now. That’s getting into iffy territory.
2015-02-05 02:35:23
@szvan: @MockTM Look, kill her. Fine. Just don’t call her his girlfriend.
2015-02-05 02:35:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, that Bret Hart lookalike is no sharpshooter.
2015-02-05 02:35:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM And here’s where that GRENADE you looted from the body might be slightly helpful
2015-02-05 02:36:12
@leilah: @mocktm Yes, we keep all of our paperwork on coloured paper. Why do you ask?
2015-02-05 02:36:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM ONE MILLION DOLLARS
2015-02-05 02:37:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Half a billion dollars? But that’s most of our ashtray budget for FY 1996!”
2015-02-05 02:38:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay look, that hand signal was absolutely useless, your squaddies are obviously just doing whatever.
2015-02-05 02:38:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh thank goodness, it was just a smoke and debris trap. No wait, that second one was an actual explosion!
2015-02-05 02:39:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM Damn. They already proved the Situation is Serious, so Ira must be the Plucky Comic Relief.
2015-02-05 02:40:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s right, don’t you dare get Casablanca wrong motherfucker, she will school you.
2015-02-05 02:41:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where are you going?” “To go full yippie-ki-yay, kiddo.”
2015-02-05 02:41:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Um, I’ll try turning it off and back on again?”
2015-02-05 02:43:05
@leilah: @mocktm Their security system shuts down all the computers? Man, my computer security system sucks in comparison.
2015-02-05 02:43:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I backtraced the gigarams and turned off all their flashy light boxes”
2015-02-05 02:43:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM And now you send a message to the forces outside, telling them that the cameras are down
2015-02-05 02:43:43
@szvan: @MockTM 1995, when email was done via telegram.
2015-02-05 02:44:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I must ask you to refrain from the use of force unless I hear from the president, and/or it looks really really cool.”
2015-02-05 02:45:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM Washington “wired to blow”? With five little doohickeys?
2015-02-05 02:45:15
@leilah: @mocktm Help! I’m having a Space Mutiny flashback!
2015-02-05 02:45:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Washington is wired to blow! It could cripple the WMATA!”
2015-02-05 02:45:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lookit all those hazardous flammable chemical hoses. Should be perfectly safe to fire indiscriminately into!
2015-02-05 02:46:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Railings! railing kill o please o please o please
2015-02-05 02:46:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM And the gun didn’t explode when it was kicked away? Awww
2015-02-05 02:46:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “IRA GET HER OUT” “But I have such a great view up here!”
2015-02-05 02:46:59
@leilah: @mocktm She needs help getting out too? Do they helicopter all their workers in every day?
2015-02-05 02:47:08
@szvan: @MockTM Someday he’ll remember again that he knows how to punch people.
2015-02-05 02:47:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So this guy’s got nothing but ground game.
2015-02-05 02:47:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM Being friends with actual black-belt martial artists kind of takes the fun out of these fight scenes
2015-02-05 02:47:45
@leilah: @blakestacey @MockTM It’s ok, they’re no more fun for the rest of us. 😉
2015-02-05 02:48:06
@CA7746: @MockTM *slappety-slap*
2015-02-05 02:48:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Yeah, a couple guys I’ve been in a hot tub with could have killed both these schmos five minutes ago
2015-02-05 02:48:43
@CA7746: @MockTM *roundhouse*
2015-02-05 02:48:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM ROADHOUSE
2015-02-05 02:48:47
@CA7746: @MockTM *railing kill*
2015-02-05 02:48:51
@leilah: @mocktm What the hell kind of move was that? Oooh, never mind, RAILING KILL!
2015-02-05 02:48:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wouldn’t even have needed the power of slow motion
2015-02-05 02:49:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Quick Doc, use Ira as a meat shield!
2015-02-05 02:49:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If he uses the Hundred Hand Slap one more time…
2015-02-05 02:49:56
@leilah: @mocktm Ah, the plaintive oboe is a perfect counterpart to this scene.
2015-02-05 02:50:11
@szvan: @MockTM “You died a hero, pal, and a third wheel.”
2015-02-05 02:50:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You died a hero, pal. Lived as a dweeb, but you died a hero.”
2015-02-05 02:50:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He died a hero. A terrible, ineffectual, inexperienced hero.
2015-02-05 02:50:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Why did they have to kill him” asks the woman who made a virus that can kill everyone on contact with water.
2015-02-05 02:51:18
@CA7746: @MockTM “I’m sorry. It’s not you.” Yes it is.
2015-02-05 02:51:40
@CA7746: @MockTM “My husband died.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know [that you’re available].” Snarl.
2015-02-05 02:52:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s not you. It’s just that you’re a murderer and that reminds me of a good guy I knew once.
2015-02-05 02:52:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is my son. I’m supposed to be getting him a birthday present, not murdering people. Hmm… can I combine those somehow??”
2015-02-05 02:53:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh my Glob, just get back to the fight scenes already
2015-02-05 02:53:18
@leilah: @mocktm “Oh, that’s a wonderful counterpoint to my dead husband story!”
2015-02-05 02:53:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hmm, maybe my son will think a guy’s severed foot is cool.”
2015-02-05 02:54:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The toy store opens at 9 am. I’m going to get him a Me Action Figure.”
2015-02-05 02:54:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay that means it’s either the green or the red wire, which, thankfully, are the only two wires that are exposed.”
2015-02-05 02:55:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that was a simpler death than I expected for a character who’s had lines
2015-02-05 02:56:16
@leilah: @mocktm Well, he _almost_ made it a full hour. Not bad.
2015-02-05 02:56:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Good night?” I guess he just got stabbed with a crowbar laced with a potent sleeping drug then?
2015-02-05 02:56:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Foolish hero, those empty plastic boxes do nothing to me!”
2015-02-05 02:57:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM BA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA BWAR BWAR
2015-02-05 02:57:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Jinkies! There’s been a MURDER!!!”
2015-02-05 02:58:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Looks to me like you don’t have the cylinder with you. And that really blands my delivery.”
2015-02-05 02:58:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Doctor Kaiser is pissed. You can tell by his emotions.
2015-02-05 02:59:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Choose one of your children, Doctor Sophie”
2015-02-05 02:59:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, Jerry *has* been writing really crappy MATLAB code lately.”
2015-02-05 03:00:11
@CA7746: @MockTM “That stuff about babe and sweetheart… and honey just now.”
2015-02-05 03:00:39
@leilah: @mocktm “Oh, just working on my stuff with my back to the open door. I could have closed it, but meh.”
2015-02-05 03:00:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That stuff I said eariler about babe and sweetheart, well, I didn’t mean it, honeytits.”
2015-02-05 03:00:50
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m not used to being around a woman like you, one who can’t leave on a Harley.”
2015-02-05 03:01:03
@leilah: @mocktm NO. NO no no no.
2015-02-05 03:01:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Thank you bad guy!
2015-02-05 03:01:18
@leilah: @mocktm Damn, man, sharpen your knife. That did nothing.
2015-02-05 03:02:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Henchman is really working out his frustrations with 10th-grade chemistry, you can tell
2015-02-05 03:02:23
@szvan: @MockTM I’m pretty sure that guy is supposed to be scary, but I look at him and just think, “gamerghazi”.
2015-02-05 03:02:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM And for that, he deserves to die
2015-02-05 03:02:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Walk it forward, now.” “Dude it’s a canister, it can’t walk. I could like roll it maybe??”
2015-02-05 03:03:11
@leilah: @mocktm “Good dog!”
2015-02-05 03:04:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM Audiences won’t soon forget the old-guy-walking scene
2015-02-05 03:04:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM You expected a different outcome?
2015-02-05 03:05:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Exploding front-end loaders really do scream “quality” to me.
2015-02-05 03:05:54
@leilah: @mocktm I know how he feels, I love driving tractors too.
2015-02-05 03:06:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM This will be good training for when he has to run away from a rolling spaceship
2015-02-05 03:06:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Ah hell, I missed him when I was indiscriminately plowing through the contents of the factory. Maybe he, uh, turned while running?”
2015-02-05 03:07:17
@leilah: @mocktm I can’t believe this movie just showed proper safety protocols.
2015-02-05 03:08:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, it’s been exactly one hour since they took off in Washington DC?
2015-02-05 03:09:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM Israel. Anywhere in it, all the same, really
2015-02-05 03:09:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM And, uh, haven’t they been in Israel all along?
2015-02-05 03:09:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I CAN’T FIGURE OUT TIME OKAY
2015-02-05 03:09:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nothing like field-testing your work.
2015-02-05 03:10:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM That death wasn’t instant. I call shenanigans.
2015-02-05 03:10:26
@leilah: @mocktm This is why you have the suits that zip up. Harder to yank off.
2015-02-05 03:10:30
@CA7746: @MockTM Dr. Berg’s been iced!?
2015-02-05 03:10:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where’s Dr. Berg?” “He’s…emeritus.”
2015-02-05 03:11:12
@leilah: @mocktm Even uglier? Than this movie? I don’t think so.
2015-02-05 03:11:31
@CA7746: @MockTM “Bring me Hatfield’s heart. And his head. I’ll let you know if I want any more body parts.”
2015-02-05 03:12:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He has a heart? Dammit, I’m a doctor, I demand empirical evidence.”
2015-02-05 03:12:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He has a heart. And, more importantly, he’s killed, like, six of your guys.”
2015-02-05 03:12:38
@szvan: @MockTM How did Ron Silver stay awake making this movie? How am I staying awake watching it?
2015-02-05 03:13:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM We’ve tapped into a rich vein of sub-Terminator theme music here
2015-02-05 03:14:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s kind of a Ligeti etude of action scores
2015-02-05 03:14:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I liked this scene when it was a shuttlecraft and the halls of the Scimitar in Star Trek: Nemesis.
2015-02-05 03:14:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hell, I liked this scene better in Spaceballs.
2015-02-05 03:15:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM They’d better crash through a fruit stand or I call shenanigans on this whole sequence.
2015-02-05 03:16:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM Bullets in mirror may be less exciting than they appear
2015-02-05 03:16:21
@szvan: @MockTM This whole cast of villains, dead ones included, remind me of nothing so much as boys sad no one appreciates their “genius”.
2015-02-05 03:16:27
@szvan: @MockTM Right down to their level of competence.
2015-02-05 03:16:47
@CA7746: @MockTM I wanna see the floorplans for this facility.
2015-02-05 03:17:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM all the barrels they’ve hit have done a disappointing amount of exploding (i.e., none)
2015-02-05 03:17:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh thank goodness, he found the one piece of concrete made out of drywall.
2015-02-05 03:17:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Was there a sale on barrels, or something?
2015-02-05 03:18:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Who stacks so many empty 4L liquid containers in such colorful patterns?
2015-02-05 03:18:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m Sgt Hatfield, US Embassy!” “I believe you without good reason! Get in!
2015-02-05 03:19:37
@leilah: @mocktm “I trust you implicitly, Sgt Headrest!”
2015-02-05 03:19:43
@CA7746: @MockTM What could make a car chase more thrilling? Desert Bus.
2015-02-05 03:20:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Jiggers, it’s the fuzz! We’d better leadfoot it outta here boys!
2015-02-05 03:20:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM vroom vroom vroom vroom
2015-02-05 03:20:38
@leilah: @mocktm No horseplay on the bus, you kids!
2015-02-05 03:21:05
@szvan: @MockTM When this movie started, she could fight better than this.
2015-02-05 03:21:07
@leilah: @mocktm Look, they’re almost out of people to throw out. Just go for it.
2015-02-05 03:21:58
@szvan: @MockTM That’s the first smart thing anyone has said in this movie.
2015-02-05 03:22:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM He’s killed all the hostages except the one he said he’d kill first. Because plot reasons.
2015-02-05 03:22:08
@szvan: @blakestacey @MockTM Also because he has zero control over his crack crew.
2015-02-05 03:22:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lower, lower! AAGH! Thank goodness I told them to go lower or that shot would have gone under me!”
2015-02-05 03:22:43
@leilah: @mocktm Wait, am I not supposed to feel unbridled joy when our hero gets shot?
2015-02-05 03:22:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Israeli police breaking off pursuit because of one guy with a gun? I call shenanigans.
2015-02-05 03:22:53
@leilah: @mocktm That’s one tough bus – the bullets didn’t even go all the way through!
2015-02-05 03:23:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, the shot was Movie Damage anyway. He can still move nimbly and throw roundhouse kicks with it.
2015-02-05 03:23:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Right, okay, if you’re going to help, hold the wheel instead of helping me aim.”
2015-02-05 03:23:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM In all the tedium, did he fire six shots or only five?
2015-02-05 03:24:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Uh, meat shield? He’s dead at that point.
2015-02-05 03:24:20
@szvan: @MockTM Mo. Men. Tum.
2015-02-05 03:24:53
@leilah: @mocktm Sure, NOW they break out the fancy camera zooms.
2015-02-05 03:25:26
@szvan: @MockTM That effect wasn’t cheesy in the 1970s or anything.
2015-02-05 03:25:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Dude. Let him take the money, they shoot down the plane, no big deal.
2015-02-05 03:25:44
@leilah: @mocktm I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the plan, dude.
2015-02-05 03:26:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah. Again with the flail gun.
2015-02-05 03:26:23
@leilah: @mocktm Please let him be dead.
2015-02-05 03:26:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM See, training the kid to kick the nards was the plot lynchpin!!!
2015-02-05 03:26:31
@leilah: @mocktm Damn.
2015-02-05 03:26:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He has at least two bullets in him now. Probably more. But after a scene change, he’s gonna be just fine!
2015-02-05 03:27:10
@leilah: @mocktm “I got you a new mom for your birthday, son!” “But I don’t want a…” “Too bad!”
2015-02-05 03:27:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hey, Daddy, is this metal thing my birthday present? Can I open it?”
2015-02-05 03:27:18
@CA7746: @MockTM NOOooo! We ran out of cock blocking bad guys.
2015-02-05 03:27:32
@leilah: @mocktm Kill it with fire.
2015-02-05 03:27:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Aww dad, you got me a new mommy. Again. The same thing you got me last birthday.”
2015-02-05 03:27:42
@leilah: @mocktm Buck McDancer? I smell a pseudonym.
2015-02-05 03:28:28
@lousycanuck: @leilah @mocktm We crossed each other with near-identical jokes twice. TWICE. Great minds.
2015-02-05 03:28:34
@CA7746: @MockTM Belated thank you to other bad guy. He will be missed.
2015-02-05 03:28:44
@leilah: @lousycanuck @mocktm *high five!*
2015-02-05 03:28:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Now do the Peanuts theme, movie!
2015-02-05 03:29:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah yes, the thrilling, um, something theme
2015-02-05 03:29:14
@leilah: @mocktm They had an armorer? When? That would have been way cooler than the clothes I saw.
2015-02-05 03:29:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look, I thought we were laying off the misogynist nicknames, but they have a credited “Honeywagon”??
2015-02-05 03:29:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM This movie didn’t have foley so much as it had folly
2015-02-05 03:30:07
@CA7746: @MockTM Blue Man Group?
2015-02-05 03:30:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM The producers would like to thank the city of Tel-Aviv for letting an American be the hero
2015-02-05 03:30:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, I have to rewatch this movie to see if there are any Pepsi product placements, given that credit.
2015-02-05 03:30:41
@leilah: @mocktm Oh, screw you, Pepsi. *shakes fist*
2015-02-05 03:30:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Who am I kidding? I’ll never watch this movie again.
2015-02-05 03:31:00
@leilah: @lousycanuck @MockTM Maybe it was one of the coloured waters?
2015-02-05 03:31:02
@lousycanuck: @leilah @MockTM It was the second on the list of ingredients in the Super Deadly McGuffin Virus
2015-02-05 03:31:23
@CA7746: @MockTM @leilah @lousycanuck Maybe the cylinder was armored Pepsi.
2015-02-05 03:32:25
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM @leilah I’d still drink it before Crystal Pepsi
2015-02-05 03:32:47
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM @leilah Of course if I know my RPG tropes, Crystal is a pretty solid form of Armor
2015-02-05 03:35:37

{advertisement}
Mock The Movie: Deadly Outbreak transcript
{advertisement}
The Orbit is still fighting a SLAPP suit! Help defend freedom of speech, click here to find out more and donate!