I had to miss this because of work issues. Bah. I love turtles, and I love space turtles even more, so I hurt particularly badly from missing this one.
Gamera is pretty neat, he is made of turtle meat!
@szvan: Mock the Movie: Space Turtle Edition: http://t.co/IBO1qXQvHo @MockTM
@JustScritching: @MockTM -give Puma Man a try. Or, search online for “Buffalo Rider” (although Possum Posse gets bragging rghts for “Guy on a Buffalo” first)
@leilah: But on the plus side… RT @szvan: Mock the Movie: Space Turtle Edition: http://t.co/eIkhrOhFDZ @MockTM
@sciencenotscary: @szvan @DrRubidium @MockTM Gamera is really neat.
@lousycanuck: @sciencenotscary @szvan @DrRubidium @MockTM He is filled with turtle meat!
@pzmyers: @MockTM Looking forward to Destroy All Planets tonight. I first saw this movie in 1976, on a late night creature feature.
@pzmyers: @MockTM I was home from college for the summer. My father was in sad shape — he’d had the first of a series of heart attacks.
@pzmyers: @MockTM He wasn’t at all happy about it. He was a workaholic, he was used to being the strongest guy around, and all that changed. So sad.
@pzmyers: @MockTM I was up late because I was young & I could go all night.
@pzmyers: @MockTM He was up because he was old & depressed, couldn’t sleep, and was restless.
@pzmyers: @MockTM So he staggered out to the living room in his bathrobe, sat down all bleary eyed and cranky, and watched TV with me for a while.
@pzmyers: @MockTM It was Destroy All Planets. He’d never seen anything like it. It was so damned stupid & hokey, badly made & goofy. He was scowling.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Then the giant turtle showed up, and flames started shooting out of his butt, and he started spinning around.
@pzmyers: @MockTM My dad just laughed. He was giggling & snorting at the absurdity of it all. He managed about a half hour of it.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Then he went to bed & got some sleep. So the movie is good for something.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Also, he never let me forget what awful taste in movies I had. So there was that, too.
@pzmyers: @MockTM And now I’m going to watch it again. And I’m a bit older now than my father was then. So it’s a little weird.
@pzmyers: @MockTM I think this time around it’s my turn to laugh at all of you and your goofy movies. Maybe I’ll sleep well, too.
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM I think you just admitted they’re your goofy movies too.
@pzmyers: @lousycanuck @MockTM Well, YEAH.
@szvan: @pzmyers @lousycanuck @MockTM I feel a little like I did watching Killer Condom and discovering a sweet gay romance under the schlock.
@leilah: @mocktm Is it time yet? Is it?
@szvan: @pzmyers @lousycanuck @MockTM It’s good to remember art doesn’t have to be good to have good effects.
@szvan: @MockTM In the future, when spaceships are made out of bumblebee butts….
@blakestacey: @MockTM Spencer’s Gifts from Beyond the Stars!
@pzmyers: @MockTM Yay! Basic atmospheric science lesson!
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Attention all spaceship crew members… and other people who happen also to be on this spaceship…”
@szvan: @MockTM This may be the best example of “As you know, Bob” I’ve ever heard.
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Therefore our objective will be… TO STEAL ALL THE NITROGEN!”
@szvan: @MockTM “What is it? It is our enemy!”
Wow, they really are Earth-like.
@pzmyers: @MockTM 2 minutes in, & Gamera has already saved the Earth. This movie is shorter than I remembered.
@CA7746: @MockTM I think Gamera’s trying to pollinate that bee.
@leilah: @mocktm Wow, they really plan for everything…
@CA7746: @MockTM By all rights, cinema should have ended with this magnificent scene. Fire-breathing space turtle Kool-Aid’s gassy bees.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Smoke…in spaaaaaaaaace!
@szvan: @pzmyers @MockTM I’m more impressed by the flames.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Wait, what is it’s name? I just saw a bunch of strange squiggles before he was cut off.
@szvan: @MockTM “We found a creature protecting the Earth. It’s name is not dubbed.”
@blakestacey: @MockTM You’ll believe a turtle can fly!
@CA7746: @MockTM The wayward blue shell seeks a new target.
@szvan: @MockTM “We all want to thank you by doing something you don’t want.”
@pzmyers: @MockTM These boy scouts are so unrealistic. Why aren’t they setting things on fire? That’s what scouts do!
@szvan: @MockTM No one will ever notice that they snuck away from camp while they’re wearing those uniforms.
@pzmyers: @MockTM OK, physics people. Is that really how electricity works?
@CA7746: @MockTM From the neckerchiefs, I think these are tanuki scouts.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, those adorable industrial saboteurs
@pzmyers: @MockTM HOW DID THEY GET iWATCHES IN 1968?
@szvan: @MockTM I just want to know who he expected to call him from the other watch.
@szvan: @MockTM “Here’s your suit, sir. You can put it on in the tiny tin can.”
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, that zany submarine action.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Wouldn’t it be hilarious if those guys died because the kids screwed up the controls?
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We all live in a backwards submarine…”
@leilah: @mocktm Why don’t they just change the wires back?
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Can you open the window?” [water rushes into submarine]
@szvan: @MockTM Whew. Gamera will never be able to defeat the second spaceship just like the first one he destroyed.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fortunately, all Japanese schoolchildren must take three terms of Monster Identification
@CA7746: @MockTM I don’t trust Gamera, what with those shifty bloodshot eyes.
@pzmyers: @MockTM These kids are so annoying. I’m hoping for a segue into a bloody version of Battle Royale.
@leilah: @mocktm I know Gamera’s a friend to children and all, but come on. Have some dignity, dude.
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Super Catch Ray”? Well, that’s sorta descriptive.
@blakestacey: @pzmyers @MockTM Or Death Note.
@szvan: @MockTM Well, that’s your problem. You’re talking into your compass.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Why wasn’t Spaceship #1 equipped with a Super Catch Ray? Stupid aliens.
@szvan: @MockTM Gamera is now grumbling about what bad friends all those children are to him.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Aw, you got 15 minutes. Just suck up all the nitrogen and fly home.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Aw, a clip show??
@CA7746: @MockTM That monster isn’t fighting so much as humping the landscape.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ooh, disco spine
@szvan: @MockTM I’ve always thought that a monster with quick-freeze abilities really needed nasal horns for…something.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Kind of a “collateral property damage by fire or by ice” situation
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, it’s for knocking.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Somebody ought to write a book on the physics of giant rubber monsters. Something is always off about it.
@szvan: @MockTM I never thought I’d say this, but can we have those annoying kids back?
@blakestacey: @MockTM So now the aliens are tapping into Gamera’s free association of different kaiju battles?
@szvan: @MockTM Attack him! Attack him with small children!
@pzmyers: @MockTM So, with that weakness, the aliens should just kill all the children, and then Gamera will give up in despair. And we’ll all cheer!
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ten minutes to discover that Gamera is a friend to children
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, no! Super Catch Ray works on children, too!
@szvan: @MockTM I wonder how dizzy those kids will be before they escape.
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Obey us, Gamera, or these two children will die. Now DESTROY THE EARTH!” Makes sense.
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, they won’t be killed, but they will be motion sick.
@pzmyers: @MockTM All the kids need to do is reverse the electricity in the spaceship, so it goes backwards when they want to go forwards. Victory!
@pzmyers: @MockTM Yeah, it’s true. Adults get to fly, kids don’t.
@szvan: @MockTM Nah, kids, you can fly. You just have to commit. Try again.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ha-ha! [/nelson]
@pzmyers: @MockTM Must be cold in Japan.
@szvan: @MockTM The aliens are just like us, but with more modern art.
@leilah: @mocktm All these random cubes laying around have me expecting a first-person shooter to break out at any moment.
@leilah: @mocktm What a darling little hat!
@CA7746: @MockTM Gamera orbiting the whirling bumble bracelet. I need this screensaver!
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ll fly around the spaceship but only because it’s fun wheeeeeee”
@pzmyers: @MockTM Dang. Why didn’t a cow appear?
@szvan: @MockTM The aliens are so cute when they bat their eyelashes at us.
@szvan: @MockTM Okay, kid. Next, wish for batteries for your camera’s flash.
@CA7746: @MockTM You aren’t allowed to have parachutes. Knives aren’t gonna happen.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Ah, the good part. Angry octopus!
@leilah: @mocktm Maybe it just wants a cuttle?
@pzmyers: @MockTM Space octopus can be Friend to Children, too. Unless it’s hungry.
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Or they could be taking it to a restaurant to eat it!”
@szvan: @MockTM Always trust what the monsters tell you.
@leilah: @mocktm The movie’s so bad it broke the dubbing!
@szvan: @MockTM You can tell Gamera is being controlled, because he never destroys buildings otherwise.
@CA7746: @MockTM Gamera, we command you: Continue wrecking cities! Lie down! Look back and forth! Mwahaha.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, oh, oh yeah? Well, the next time you’re stuck on your back in the desert, you’ll get no empathy from us!
@blakestacey: @MockTM The thrilling “putting the object on the shelf” theme!
@szvan: @MockTM But be sure you destroy them in super slow motion.
@szvan: @MockTM We’d really like to help you, but you see, we have no spaceship of our own. Normally, we’d rely on Gamera, but….
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The only other way is to sacrifice the two boys. And bear in mind, they’re pretty annoying, so…”
@pzmyers: @Mocktm I knew that stupid interlude with the sub would come back at the end.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Reverse the polarity! We have a “reverse the polarity!”
@CA7746: @MockTM Nah, they only fiddled with the thermostat.
@blakestacey: @MockTM That smarts!
@szvan: @MockTM Luckily for Gamera, an explosion attached to his brain can’t hurt him.
@CA7746: @MockTM That was a colony ship, like the first one. And naturally, they’re just as expendable.
@pzmyers: @MockTM Giant space octopus time!
@szvan: @MockTM Weird. They didn’t dub this part.
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Gamera! Use fire!” “Gee, thanks, kid, I never would have thought of that.”
@szvan: @MockTM No, Gamera! Don’t let it pull you under water! Where you started!
@blakestacey: @MockTM … Kind of a doofus among kaiju, isn’t it?
@szvan: @MockTM I guess now we now know where the Hulk/Loki scene in The Avengers came from.
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Gamera!” “Gamera!” “Gamera!” “Gamera!” [repeat chorus]
@pzmyers: @MockTM Why do 10 story tall monsters all have such high-pitched screechy voices? Just to be annoying?
@szvan: @MockTM What do you call that position?
@pzmyers: @MockTM Gamera is dead. No turtle can survive that kind of injury.
@blakestacey: @MockTM Gamera: “You solve the icing problem? Might want to look into that.”
@pzmyers: @MockTM Why would a giant octopus die when thrown into the ocean?
@szvan: @MockTM Once again, our hero wins by virtue of having the upper hand when movie’s timer runs out.
@CA7746: @MockTM It’s good to know the UN can surrender the planet, and civilization will carry on without falling into chaos or anything.