Mock The Movie: God's Not Dead transcript

Superman and Hercules square off in a battle of who can be the biggest asshole straw-atheist in this blockbuster that likely resulted in no appreciable increase in text messages despite the imploring at the end to text all your friends.

We watched this on April Fool’s Day. Yes, that was intentional.

Oh yeah, and dude from Duck Dynasty is in it because… uh… JEEEEZUS

@Peggesis1: @MockTM Shiny eyes.
2015-04-02 01:15:24
2015-04-02 01:15:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM This is what happens when people who distrust book learnin’ make a movie about college.
2015-04-02 01:17:22
@pzmyers: @MockTM “I think this student is an idiot. Therefore, he should teach my class.”
2015-04-02 01:17:27
@pzmyers: @MockTM Empowering students? NOOOOO. We never want to do that!
2015-04-02 01:18:07
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Don’t empower students! Make them read 2 whole books for the first class…how does he keep this job?
2015-04-02 01:18:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM … the Hell just happened?
2015-04-02 01:18:48
@pzmyers: @MockTM First class, he assigns Hume, Descartes, and Russell? Incoherent overload, anyone?
2015-04-02 01:19:07
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Duck dynasty guy. Oh, boy. He seems nice…
2015-04-02 01:19:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM this movie is to cinema as YouTube comments are to writing
2015-04-02 01:20:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM Why would an ambush interview consist only of question whose answers are obvious?
2015-04-02 01:20:46
@szvan: @MockTM This movie makes me sympathize with the Christians having to deal with inane atheists, yet still manages to squande the goodwill.
2015-04-02 01:21:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Those words are written in red, and I have Jesus’ hair, so I’m right.”
2015-04-02 01:21:45
@pzmyers: @MockTM Shocking revelation: duck hunters hunt ducks. Hold the presses!
2015-04-02 01:21:46
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Written in red means important. Wish I knew that before college.
2015-04-02 01:22:30
@szvan: @MockTM The face scarf-cap sleeve combo is an interesting fashion choice.
2015-04-02 01:22:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM I survived two ATLAS SHRUGGED movies, but I don’t know if I can take this.
2015-04-02 01:23:25
@pzmyers: @MockTM LESBIAN! Jesus, strike her down!
2015-04-02 01:23:39
@pzmyers: @MockTM @blakestacey Guess what? IT GETS WORSE.
2015-04-02 01:24:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM I mean, the smug is on this movie like mayo on a sandwich you bought not knowing it came with mayo so you just wanna hurl
2015-04-02 01:24:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM She obtained no information. What does she have to write about?
2015-04-02 01:25:23
@szvan: @MockTM When our hero goes to church for guidance but has to have it pointed out that there’s a person for that.
2015-04-02 01:25:24
@CA7746: @MockTM Wait, Luke or Lev? Whatever, it’s all inspired.
“New moms should set turtles and pigeons on fire.” Jeezus!
2015-04-02 01:26:58
@Peggesis1: @MockTM I’ve already turned the sound down kind of low.
2015-04-02 01:27:10
@szvan: @MockTM Go to Matthew, but ignore the part about keeping your faith a private thing.
2015-04-02 01:27:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM “For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother… whoops, that’s Matthew 10:35.”
2015-04-02 01:27:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.”
2015-04-02 01:28:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM “…whoops, that’s Matthew 25:1.”
2015-04-02 01:28:45
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Jesus threats. Nice scriptural choices. “Defend me–or you can burn, kid!”
2015-04-02 01:28:47
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, my god, I just realized…I’m watching this sober! This is not good.
2015-04-02 01:29:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay … wait, that’s Luke 12:51.”
2015-04-02 01:29:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters …”
2015-04-02 01:30:37
@CA7746: @MockTM “Remember when your youth group collided with mine?” “Who knew a bus could flip end over end!”
2015-04-02 01:30:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “… yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Wait, that’s Luke 14:26.”
2015-04-02 01:30:48
@pzmyers: @MockTM Stupid atheists. Don’t they know cell phones can be switched off?
2015-04-02 01:30:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, if everyone in my life who loves me jumped off a bridge, would I jump too? Huh? Huh?”
2015-04-02 01:32:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Garbage goes in, glurge goes out. You can’t explain that!
2015-04-02 01:33:13
@szvan: @MockTM So…dump her, but not because of her position on religious arguments.
2015-04-02 01:33:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM … Who are these people?
2015-04-02 01:33:44
@pzmyers: @MockTM I was dating my wife in college. I forgot the part where we policed each other’s participation in class.
2015-04-02 01:33:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Maybe the battery… or the starter… or the prayer-tonator!”
2015-04-02 01:34:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM I just realized: the professor has a goatee. He MUST be evil!
2015-04-02 01:34:57
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Hey, Mary, I’ve decided what you should write your term paper on in Psych 101. If you don’t, we’re breaking up.”
2015-04-02 01:35:01
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Prayer and/or a rental company…
2015-04-02 01:35:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM This movie is fractally cringe-worthy. The antagonists are strawmen. The protagonists are insufferable.
2015-04-02 01:36:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM The plot … isn’t.
2015-04-02 01:36:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM Here come the arguments we all laugh at.
2015-04-02 01:36:46
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Putting God on trial means God has to exist, right?
2015-04-02 01:37:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Maybe if I watch with the sound off, this would be tolerable.
2015-04-02 01:37:07
@szvan: @MockTM Yeah, that’s the only way people have interpreted Genesis.
2015-04-02 01:37:50
@pzmyers: @MockTM No, physicists hadn’t settled on the idea of an eternal universe. No, Genesis is not a scientific description of origins.
2015-04-02 01:38:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I had prayed for a miracle and there was a work issue that kept me busy for the past 40 mins. God must love me!
2015-04-02 01:39:13
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Genesis 1 gave us the big bang theory? Good to know. Took a while, though…
2015-04-02 01:39:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM As a physicist, I think I’m entitled to take this bullshit personally.
2015-04-02 01:39:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So what did I miss? Did God happen yet?
2015-04-02 01:39:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fun fact: Genesis actually describes the imposition of order on pre-existing matter, not the creation of matter ex nihilo
2015-04-02 01:40:25
@pzmyers: @MockTM Wait. I missed the part where he showed the evidence that points to a god. They edited that out?
2015-04-02 01:40:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM This has been pointed out by rabbinical commentators since the Middle Ages.
2015-04-02 01:40:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How dare they use arguments from authority outside of the authority of the Bible?
2015-04-02 01:41:05
@CA7746: @MockTM @lousycanuck You just missed him. But he’ll be back soon!
2015-04-02 01:41:18
@pzmyers: @MockTM That was it? Where was the argument?
2015-04-02 01:41:43
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Even *I* could shoot holes in this…and without Argument from Authority. This sucks…
2015-04-02 01:41:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM You could play the same game showing that science supports Egyptian mythology, and have even better results.
2015-04-02 01:42:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And that’s assault. straw-atheist.
2015-04-02 01:43:00
@szvan: @MockTM I agree with this professor’s conclusions (though not his lack of analysis), and I’m ready to get him fired.
2015-04-02 01:43:05
@szvan: @MockTM Lucky boy.
2015-04-02 01:43:50
@pzmyers: @MockTM How can a professor just throw away the syllabus and turn the content of the course over to a student? This makes no sense.
2015-04-02 01:44:09
@blakestacey: @pzmyers @MockTM it’s a miracle!
2015-04-02 01:44:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nobody involved with this movie has ever met a humanist atheist. I can tell.
2015-04-02 01:44:33
@CA7746: @MockTM “My mother was so right about you.” That boy’s no good. He’s gonna reify whims and use the sunk cost fallacy.
2015-04-02 01:44:46
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM But they saw a bumper sticker, and that’s good enough
2015-04-02 01:45:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How dare you try a stupid thing and fail! You’re dumped! Oh poor Lot, being put through so many trials.
2015-04-02 01:45:09
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM This is a movie that would be greatly improved by replacing a character with a velociraptor
2015-04-02 01:45:17
@szvan: @MockTM I hate people who do this in arguments, but my entire reaction to this movie is “argument from authority”, “sunk-cost fallacy”.
2015-04-02 01:45:28
@pzmyers: @MockTM Although, I will admit, I once had a sr prof tell me he wanted to destroy my career. So that can happen. But it does make him a jerk
2015-04-02 01:45:36
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM just imagine like replacing Kevin Sorbo with a talking professor raptor
2015-04-02 01:45:37
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Dump the bossy girl. How about the head scarf girl with short sleeves? She seems nice.
2015-04-02 01:46:00
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Franklin Graham. Her secret passion.
2015-04-02 01:47:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Furtive bible-listening fail. Learn to hide better.
2015-04-02 01:47:25
@pzmyers: @MockTM Fuck, Franklin Graham. Really? That’s your relaxation?
2015-04-02 01:47:30
@szvan: @MockTM And now he dumps her, because that’s how atheists work in this movie.
2015-04-02 01:47:46
@CA7746: @MockTM @ingdamnit @lousycanuck Philosoraptor
2015-04-02 01:47:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ahahahaha wow. “How dare you upstage my promotion with your dying. I’m dumping you because cancer.”
2015-04-02 01:48:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM For some reason, this is the face I picture the makers of this movie having all the time
2015-04-02 01:49:03
@szvan: @MockTM Of course, they’ve already established that their relationship sucked. Movie structure, man. How does it work?
2015-04-02 01:49:10
@Peggesis1: @MockTM “Love is just a word…” Yep. Cancer girl is getting dumped.
2015-04-02 01:49:36
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM Movie structure is for the heathen. Foreshadowing? Character development? God will provide!
2015-04-02 01:49:56
@szvan: @blakestacey @MockTM Finally, proof there’s no god!
2015-04-02 01:50:35
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Chinese student calls him Mr. Josh. Nice.
2015-04-02 01:50:36
@pzmyers: @MockTM Of course. God is love; atheists don’t believe in god; therefore, atheists don’t believe in love. CAN’T ARGUE WITH THAT LOGIC.
2015-04-02 01:50:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How dare someone talk someone out of a position. I’m here to talk people INTO it! And you know out of their own positions.
2015-04-02 01:51:32
@szvan: @MockTM You can tell that line was ad-libbed. It was almost funny.
2015-04-02 01:51:58
@Peggesis1: @MockTM “Jesus is my friend.” Pretend friends count. Chinese guy doesn’t need an explanation on that.
2015-04-02 01:52:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God is good, that’s why he gave us a lemon.
2015-04-02 01:53:31
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Making too much sense is bad.
2015-04-02 01:53:42
@pzmyers: @MockTM How was the car drop-off guy going to get to his audition after he dropped off the car?
2015-04-02 01:54:17
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Making lemonade–or something.
2015-04-02 01:54:34
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM
2015-04-02 01:54:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I hope Business Cain conducts his meetings in a phone booth.
2015-04-02 01:54:47
@lousycanuck: @ingdamnit @MockTM BURN GOD’S CAR RENTAL DOWN
2015-04-02 01:55:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM At this point I’m just pointing at everything in the movie and screeching, as per Lemongrab, “UNACCEPTABLLLLLLLE!”
2015-04-02 01:55:49
@pzmyers: @MockTM Atheists also despise their mothers.
2015-04-02 01:55:57
@szvan: @pzmyers @MockTM And date their students.
2015-04-02 01:56:19
@blakestacey: @szvan @pzmyers @MockTM It’s traditional!
2015-04-02 01:56:42
@Peggesis1: @MockTM He dated his student after the midterm.
2015-04-02 01:56:46
@szvan: @MockTM “You’ve been reading again”, says the philosophy prof.
2015-04-02 01:57:23
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM To be fair, college students reading anything *is* an event to be remarked upon.
2015-04-02 01:58:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, leave that atheist to find someone to be more equally yoked with amongst the Christians with their traditions. Good luck lady.
2015-04-02 01:58:21
@feminace: @szvan @pzmyers @MockTM Have they gotten to the baby eating part yet?
2015-04-02 01:59:04
@pzmyers: @MockTM @Peggesis1 Yes. It’s a rule. You can only date your students if they’re passing your course.
2015-04-02 01:59:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In fairness, Herculatheist is not a particularly good debater, just a good steamroller and blusterer. The atheist Ken Ham.
2015-04-02 02:00:28
@szvan: @MockTM She left the wine in the car while cooking coq au vin?
2015-04-02 02:01:04
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM Writing a good debater is outside the filmmakers’ capabilities, and even if it weren’t, they wouldn’t.
2015-04-02 02:01:17
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM They might accidentally prove that people can’t actually prove a god that won’t show themselves, so, yeah. Of course.
2015-04-02 02:02:00
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM Huh. You can almost sing that to the tune of the lime-in-the-coconut song.
2015-04-02 02:02:13
@pzmyers: @MockTM I think even philosophy professors would be able to tell that Prof Sorbo is an asshole.
2015-04-02 02:02:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What’s she doing at a hospital MRI machine? That’s tampering with God’s will.
2015-04-02 02:03:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I didn’t know how to refute that.” Mostly because it’s incomplete without the surrounding text.
2015-04-02 02:04:24
@szvan: @pzmyers @MockTM I’m still busy being stunned that they dress for dinner at a colleague’s house.
2015-04-02 02:04:30
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Nice MRI tech. Obviously a Christian.
2015-04-02 02:04:31
@blakestacey: @pzmyers @MockTM He lists Ayn Rand as a great philosopher. Of course he’s an asshole.
2015-04-02 02:04:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Therefore God exists because nobody can disprove it.”
2015-04-02 02:05:02
@szvan: @MockTM I guess the filmmakers don’t know that they ask whether you want a sedative for your MRI.
2015-04-02 02:05:08
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM = “I do too have a girlfriend! She goes to a different school!”
2015-04-02 02:05:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The animated powerpoint is obviously the better part of this movie’s budget.
2015-04-02 02:06:06
@szvan: @MockTM Um, no, he’s not brilliant.
2015-04-02 02:06:20
@pzmyers: @MockTM That’s a ridiculous distortion of what Hawking said — he said nothing about the universe “needing” anything.
2015-04-02 02:06:40
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM But then you’re unexpectedly allergic to the sedative and go into anaphyl…oh, wait, I’m thinking of a HOUSE episode.
2015-04-02 02:07:16
@pzmyers: @MockTM And citing John Lennox is about as convincing as citing turtle farts.
2015-04-02 02:07:21
@blakestacey: @szvan @MockTM (“Which HOUSE episode?” “Any one.”)
2015-04-02 02:07:29
@CA7746: @MockTM “You’re looking for his approval to get self-worth instead of deriving it internally. What you need is a *different* guy.”
2015-04-02 02:07:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well if God loves you that much, why can’t you ever get to second-base with HIM, then, huh?
2015-04-02 02:07:32
@szvan: @MockTM God cares about you enough to get you hooked up with that asshole.
2015-04-02 02:07:36
@szvan: @MockTM Of course Darwin didn’t address abiogenesis. It wasn’t his field.
2015-04-02 02:08:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Correct — it’s not that simple. Darwin didn’t postulate on abiogenesis.
2015-04-02 02:08:22
@Peggesis1: @MockTM But big stuff has to be anthropomorphized, right? Oh, now the Darwinists…
2015-04-02 02:08:28
@pzmyers: @MockTM If god is infallible, & god made you in his image, then you must be infallible too!
2015-04-02 02:08:51
@szvan: @MockTM Just imagining @pzmyers twitching right now.
2015-04-02 02:09:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Apparently tonight is “Boring Creationist Troll in Pharyngula Comment Thread circa 2007: The Movie”
2015-04-02 02:09:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Couple million years, totally short, what could possibly happen in that time. Now SIX THOUSAND years, on the other hand…
2015-04-02 02:09:30
@pzmyers: @MockTM @szvan Oh god yes. Darwin vs Strobel, who would win?
2015-04-02 02:10:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God gave you cancer because he made you in his image, and he’s already dead, so.
2015-04-02 02:10:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m really liking the premise of this movie, that a douchebag philosopher gives up his teaching position to a freshman for lulz.
2015-04-02 02:11:26
@Peggesis1: @lousycanuck @MockTM Especially 6,000 really big yrs. As big as needed to fit.
2015-04-02 02:11:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s Freaky God Friday.
2015-04-02 02:11:38
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’m sympathizing with asshole prof now. With students that dumb, how could he not be cranky?
2015-04-02 02:11:39
@szvan: @MockTM If asshole prof loses this argument, it makes a case for better science education for philosophy students, but that’s about it.
2015-04-02 02:11:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I hate God because something bad happened to me!” Yeah yeah yeah.
2015-04-02 02:12:07
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM “Fuck it, I’ve got tenure, and everyone naps through class anyway.”
2015-04-02 02:12:17
@szvan: @MockTM *raises hand* Atheist activist raised without religion here. Sorry. Wrong again.
2015-04-02 02:13:09
@Peggesis1: @MockTM What happened to you??? Poor guy. Atheist=Christian hurt as a kid and turned to pessimistic lump of bitter misery.
2015-04-02 02:14:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God is real because Muslims are honour-killed and evolution happened in 90 seconds.
2015-04-02 02:14:25
@szvan: @MockTM Luckily, the apostate has a new friend she can move in with.
2015-04-02 02:14:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM @szvan Yeah, atheist activist here, raised in an open, liberal church, with a happy & loving family. No damage here.
2015-04-02 02:15:12
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM ♫ “I hate God yeah yeah yeah! I hate God yeah yeah yeah! Ooooooooo!” ♫
2015-04-02 02:15:31
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM @szvan Only thing bad that happened to me was I got access to a few RPGs and an encyclopedia as a kid.
2015-04-02 02:15:55
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @pzmyers @MockTM @szvan [shakes head] Book larnin’. That’ll do it every time.
2015-04-02 02:16:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Try changing the font to Comic Sans. That’ll really bring the God’s Will out of the fact that you’ll die.
2015-04-02 02:16:39
@Peggesis1: @MockTM “Jesus saves me from my sins”–poor girl. And the Chinese guy is going to fall into that mess, too.
2015-04-02 02:17:22
@szvan: @MockTM Oh! He’s a Dawkbro. That explains so much.
2015-04-02 02:17:34
@pzmyers: @MockTM @lousycanuck @szvan I had to settle for home-made explosives…no one gave me a rocket-propelled grenade. THAT’S WHY I’M BITTER NOW.
2015-04-02 02:17:38
@Peggesis1: @MockTM And scared to die girl, too.
2015-04-02 02:17:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s right — misogynists exist even within atheist circles. Doesn’t make atheists any worse than background society.
2015-04-02 02:18:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Except maybe for the insufferable smugness about how right they are that atheist misogynists get, I suppose.
2015-04-02 02:18:41
@szvan: @MockTM @pzmyers @lousycanuck You know God gives all his favorite people RPGs.
2015-04-02 02:19:01
@szvan: @MockTM It’s a church. That’s all it’s got for Kleenex?
2015-04-02 02:19:40
@pzmyers: @MockTM @szvan @lousycanuck If god had given me the controls to a predator drone, maybe I’d be a Christian today.
2015-04-02 02:19:45
@lousycanuck: @szvan @MockTM @pzmyers I can’t even shoot a Nerf gun, I’m so atheist.
2015-04-02 02:19:55
@Peggesis1: @MockTM The anti-Recovering from Religion agent…how not to help someone in this scene.
2015-04-02 02:20:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And now Herculatheist breaks wind then blames God.
2015-04-02 02:21:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM That pastor convinces me that every man in this movie is an asshole. & all the women are victims.
2015-04-02 02:21:13
@szvan: @MockTM Asshole’s not wrong.
2015-04-02 02:22:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM How many class hours is this guy wasting on this debate?
2015-04-02 02:22:55
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Citation needed… Is Radisson drunk?
2015-04-02 02:22:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM *ahem* Relative morality can be based on an objective analysis of what benefits and what harms society and individuals generally.
2015-04-02 02:23:16
@szvan: @MockTM I don’t let you cheat because it undercuts the point of the class. You cheat, you don’t learn.
2015-04-02 02:23:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nothing is true, everything is permitted!
2015-04-02 02:24:05
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, no. As an atheist, I have no argument against cheating in my class!
2015-04-02 02:24:34
@Peggesis1: @lousycanuck @MockTM Nobody speaking in this class is that smart.
2015-04-02 02:24:53
@szvan: @MockTM *raises hand* When I teach about religious skepticism, I make sure students know they have to make up their own minds.
2015-04-02 02:25:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM if this movie were at all realistic, that argument would have converted every student to atheism.
2015-04-02 02:25:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well, fine actually — he did leave reason long ago, about when you let a freshman take over your class because you were bored.
2015-04-02 02:25:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM WHY DO YOU HATE BIGFOOT
2015-04-02 02:25:35
@CA7746: @MockTM Why do you hate God? Have you stopped beating the Virgin Mary?
2015-04-02 02:25:36
@CA7746: @MockTM “How can you hate someone if they don’t exist?”
“I think it’s time for a Barney marathon.”
2015-04-02 02:26:10
@CA7746: @MockTM Our vote has determined reality: Dodd’s not dead.
2015-04-02 02:27:15
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Science proves gods existence”. Assertion without evidence, contrary to the facts.
2015-04-02 02:27:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Any atheist would not countenance “hating” a nonexistent being, so he’s evidently an instance of the straw atheist they wish we were
2015-04-02 02:27:30
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Did Josh say that scientists point to the existence of God? I missed where he provided evidence for that.
2015-04-02 02:27:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No matter how many of you say he’s not dead, you can’t clap a nonexistent creature into existence.
2015-04-02 02:28:12
@CA7746: @MockTM You’ve convinced me God’s not dead. I’ve decided to follow Jesus. Tell me now, where did he go? 😀
2015-04-02 02:28:18
@pzmyers: @MockTM any student who was persuaded by those arguments deserves to fail Philosophy 101.
2015-04-02 02:28:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Your argument has affected me greatly. I have decided to follow Buddha.” “Uh… you uh… what about Jesus?” “Who?”
2015-04-02 02:28:48
@szvan: @MockTM See? This vacation thing? God’s just dicking with us.
2015-04-02 02:29:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Unbelievable.” “No. Faith. Also, I changed the spark plugs.”
2015-04-02 02:29:54
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Prayer starts cars. Unbelievable. Right the first time.
2015-04-02 02:30:15
@pzmyers: @MockTM The car works, praise god! Now let’s go run over an atheist!
2015-04-02 02:31:07
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Spark plugs are holy.
2015-04-02 02:31:09
@CA7746: @MockTM One day, long after you’ve decided to stay and you’re happy. You won’t leave. Dun Dun Dunn.
2015-04-02 02:31:54
@CA7746: @MockTM She appealed to his fear of commitment. Now surely he’ll devote himself to the church, for eternity.
2015-04-02 02:32:04
@lousycanuck: @Peggesis1 @MockTM You know what’s funny? I argued for an objectively-derived relative morality once and got yelled at by a philosopher
2015-04-02 02:32:05
2015-04-02 02:33:42
@szvan: @MockTM *raises hand* If I think about it, it turns out to be a deepity.
2015-04-02 02:33:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Even with every Christian making best-case arguments for God, and every atheist phoning it in, I am not swayed one whit. This movie.
2015-04-02 02:33:56
@pzmyers: @MockTM She is the WORST interviewer ever.
2015-04-02 02:34:31
@szvan: @MockTM You know, the fact that you stopped the interview to talk about yourself was a clue.
2015-04-02 02:34:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We will inject you with God’s message through our four chord songs!”
2015-04-02 02:34:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “F… F… F-… Okay, you misspelled ‘dead’, I’ll have to make up a lower letter.”
2015-04-02 02:35:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM All praise the extradimensional hypergod. Love, Mom.
2015-04-02 02:36:33
@pzmyers: @MockTM Man, philosophy papers look so easy to grade.
2015-04-02 02:36:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Dear God. Can you PLEASE send me a new C string for my guitar? I keep tying it together coz we don’t have money to replace it.”
2015-04-02 02:38:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, quit showboating, drummer. How un-Christian.
2015-04-02 02:39:35
@szvan: @MockTM Hmm, being a Christian seems to rob you of rhythm. I think I’ll skip it.
2015-04-02 02:39:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Deathbed conversion in three…
2015-04-02 02:41:09
@szvan: @MockTM No, his lungs aren’t filling with blood. He couldn’t yell like that.
2015-04-02 02:41:17
@pzmyers: @MockTM When I was their age, our concerts were all about sex & drugs & rock & roll. And they were on key and had a good beat.
2015-04-02 02:41:20
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Atheist on the ground. Cue the pastors.
2015-04-02 02:41:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “A chance to change my final answer? Okay, I’ll take the 50/50. Eliminate two of the possibilities for GOD Y/N please.”
2015-04-02 02:42:04
@pzmyers: @MockTM good thing there are Christians there to help him.
2015-04-02 02:42:14
@szvan: @MockTM Dying slowly so some jerks can preach at you is supposed to be a gift? Do I have that right?
2015-04-02 02:42:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are you willing to put your faith in Jesus Christ and take that chance?” “Will it make you SHUT UP!?”
2015-04-02 02:42:55
@pzmyers: @MockTM Here’s the proof god exists: he’s letting you die slowly in great pain rather than quickly! Hallelujah!
2015-04-02 02:43:05
@szvan: @MockTM And then he clenched his jaw in death.
2015-04-02 02:43:40
@Peggesis1: @szvan @MockTM That’s it. Explains suffering that precedes Jesus saving.
2015-04-02 02:43:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I know the rain is on your face, Sorbo, but to “die” you have to relax.
2015-04-02 02:43:44
@szvan: @MockTM Now we mock the dead guy.
2015-04-02 02:44:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ladies and gentlemen, some douchebag who hunts ducks.
2015-04-02 02:44:20
@pzmyers: @MockTM “We’re not going to do a thing to help you until you submit to my browbeating!”
2015-04-02 02:44:36
@szvan: @MockTM Block.
2015-04-02 02:44:39
@CA7746: @MockTM “I can only imagine the smile you put on God’s face.” Suspicious phrasing.
2015-04-02 02:45:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Technically the “God’s” is a compound word, not a simple one. It stands for “God is”.
2015-04-02 02:45:11
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Duck Dynasty guy. Oh, hell… I guess that means hell is real.
2015-04-02 02:45:18
@szvan: @MockTM Couldn’t they at least have gotten Stromkern for the Christian band?
2015-04-02 02:46:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If this movie actually resulted in anyone really texting me that, I’d immediately suspect an iOS virus.
2015-04-02 02:46:56
@Peggesis1: @CA7746 @MockTM Sounds suspiciously truthful.
2015-04-02 02:47:14
@szvan: @MockTM Alternate soundtrack:
2015-04-02 02:47:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, some Christian death metal would be most welcome. @szvan
2015-04-02 02:47:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, we just saw an atheist die, and now someone’s texting me about God not being dead. Almost like it was scripted!!”
2015-04-02 02:48:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Let us imagine how wonderful heaven is. As we stand here in the intersection. Over a dead body. Oooh, and we get to die quickly!
2015-04-02 02:48:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lookit all those people clapping on 1 and 3.
2015-04-02 02:48:54
@szvan: @MockTM “God’s not dead…is finally over. Thank fuck!”
2015-04-02 02:49:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I am desperate to know if there’s been any appreciable spike in text messages as a result of any showing of this movie.
2015-04-02 02:49:28
@pzmyers: @MockTM What agonizing death lies in store for Dean Cain?
2015-04-02 02:49:40
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM Sadly, just ignominy and a perpetually darkened room.
2015-04-02 02:50:13
@CA7746: @MockTM “And as you fall, you’ll find that you comply.”
2015-04-02 02:50:20
@pzmyers: @MockTM Up there in heaven, the angels were giggling as his lungs filled with blood, & Jesus laughed as he cried in pain.
2015-04-02 02:50:34
@Peggesis1: @MockTM Thanks, all. This is the only way I would have watched this thing.
2015-04-02 02:50:40
@szvan: @Peggesis1 @MockTM Well, no, but at least it tries.
2015-04-02 02:50:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is the grossest victory lap I’ve ever seen. Look at all these litigious assholes talking about their victories against women.
2015-04-02 02:51:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If I ever produce an atheist movie I’ll list all sorts of lawsuits where God-botherers failed to enforce their bigotry.
2015-04-02 02:51:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Netflix is now suggesting we watch a Very Special Message about not drinking too much. Almost like God knows what we’re about to do.
2015-04-02 02:52:18
@Peggesis1: @szvan @MockTM Didn’t say it was a *good* explanation. It’s the one they generally use…
2015-04-02 02:52:23
@pzmyers: @MockTM My netflix is suggesting “Shower”, “Go To Sleep”, and “See your friends”.
2015-04-02 02:52:57
@pzmyers: @MockTM Under “Shower”, it says “Practice good hygiene.” HOW DID IT KNOW I FEEL FILTHY NOW?
2015-04-02 02:53:36
@pzmyers: @MockTM Uh, weird. It’s a PSA. “Avg American spends 9 years watching TV, only 1 1/2 taking a shower.”
2015-04-02 02:55:55
@pzmyers: @MockTM But think how pruney I’d get if I tried to catch up by spending 7 1/2 years in the shower! & my water bill!
2015-04-02 02:56:33
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM Not to mention that 1 1/2 yrs is still 2% of your life. Average of… 28 mins a day?
2015-04-02 03:05:03
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM Assuming an 80 year life span.
2015-04-02 03:05:16
@lousycanuck: @Peggesis1 @MockTM Need you in on more of these!! We won’t do something quite so awful next time.
2015-04-02 03:05:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM @lousycanuck @Peggesis1 That implies there could be something more awful.
2015-04-02 03:06:46
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @MockTM @Peggesis1 This is true. Though, I have evidence for one (and only one) such thing: Hell Comes to Frogtown.
2015-04-02 03:07:16
@Peggesis1: @lousycanuck @MockTM Thank you! I think absolutely anything would be better than this, actually! Been a pleasure.
2015-04-02 03:08:52
@TheRealDrMcCoy: @szvan @MockTM @pzmyers @lousycanuck Out of context, this tweet is highly confusing. *imagines Phelps saying “I wanna cast magic missile!”*
2015-04-03 12:34:35
@pzmyers: .@TheRealDrMcCoy @szvan @MockTM @lousycanuck Since he’s dead, he’d have to be an undead lich & have much more powerful spells than that.
2015-04-03 12:57:13
@thedxman: @pzmyers @TheRealDrMcCoy @szvan @MockTM @lousycanuck That”s forbidden by the rulebook! The only Lich in Christianity RPG is Jesus.
2015-04-03 15:26:59
@lousycanuck: @thedxman @pzmyers @TheRealDrMcCoy @szvan @MockTM GOD HATES 3RD EDITION RULES
2015-04-03 16:26:16
@nataliereed84: @blakestacey @MockTM HAHAHAHA OH GOD
2015-04-08 20:41:54

Mock The Movie: God's Not Dead transcript

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