Mock The Movie transcript: Hell Comes to Frogtown

This was a miserable pile of shit with a ton of rapey bits aimed both at the women and the Last Fertile Dude who has to go around screwing drugged women and having them thank him for it. And all of that was riding on Rowdy Roddy Piper’s charisma to pull it through. And he delivered absolutely none of the little charm he manages in the wrasslin’ ring.

This one was a real slog. My brain through the whole thing:


The ultimate verdict? Go to hell, writer of this movie Donald G. Jackson, who has evidently written nothing but cheesecake pap and a “documentary” about El Chupacabra.

This cannot hold a candle to the movie we did on Saturday at CONvergence, a special live Mock The Movie event attended by PZ, Stephanie, Ray (@DrRubidium), Ashley Q. Miller, and Miri Mogilevsky, when we took two hours off of running our parts of the con to sit around the big screen, have a drink, and mock Frankenfish. We might have to do a do-over of it on Twitter, because that was actually a decent movie… well, decent for mockability purposes, anyway.

@DrRubidium: This week’s @MockTM looks AWFUL. I <3 it! #WhatTheHell
2014-07-08 22:39:41
@abiodork: @MockTM @DrRubidium Yes, yes, yes! I am IN!
2014-07-09 20:24:45
@lousycanuck: Are you ready to come to Frogtown? @MockTM – 8pm CST!
2014-07-10 00:11:36
@blakestacey: Finally going to be able to do a @MockTM for the first time in however many months…
2014-07-10 00:59:01
@blakestacey: I have no idea what tonight’s @MockTM movie is about, but the sidebar is suggesting I watch LAWNMOWER MAN next, so that’s good
2014-07-10 01:00:03
@DrRubidium: @MockTM whoa! This had a producer? Like a real one?
2014-07-10 01:00:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM Comfort Inn…I mean New World Pictures
2014-07-10 01:00:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM OH NO! Not a difference of opinion! #thehorror
2014-07-10 01:01:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM War. War never changes.
2014-07-10 01:01:24
@szvan: @MockTM Go, stock footage!
2014-07-10 01:01:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM In the latter days of the 20th century… last Sunday AD…
2014-07-10 01:01:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM 10,000 years of human progress — I guess this movie is banned in Kansas.
2014-07-10 01:01:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @BlakeStacey Oh man did you come back for a good one.
2014-07-10 01:02:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM Heh. I see what you did there.
2014-07-10 01:02:14
@szvan: @MockTM It’s nice that they didn’t lose their ability to make fingerless gloves with even fingerless.
2014-07-10 01:02:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, how do you know his lips are like squids behind that mask?
2014-07-10 01:02:29
@DrRubidium: @MockTM of course the black guy dies first. OF COURSE.
2014-07-10 01:02:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh man, if all the one-liners are as good as “riddip” we’re going to have a hard time mocking this one.
2014-07-10 01:03:22
@DrRubidium: @MockTM holy shit. These opening credits were done by the dude that went on to do Law & Order. #dundun
2014-07-10 01:03:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Girls with glasses, girls with guns…looks promising so far.
2014-07-10 01:03:52
@szvan: @MockTM I have to say, having @rebeccawatson run back and forth in front of the screen makes for a more entertaining movie.
2014-07-10 01:04:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Are you feeling the suspense? Because I sure am.
2014-07-10 01:04:26
@szvan: @MockTM Post-apocalyptic feathered hair. Oh, yeah.
2014-07-10 01:04:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM Randall Frakes — didn’t he play Commander Riker’s transporter-accident twin?
2014-07-10 01:04:46
@CA7746: @MockTM The End
2014-07-10 01:04:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ooh, he’s juicing hardway already.
2014-07-10 01:05:09
@DrRubidium: @MockTM btw, Donald Jackson entered WITSEC after this movie. You’ll realize why very soon.
2014-07-10 01:05:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Sexual assault, so this must be the bad g- No? He’s an anti-hero!?
2014-07-10 01:05:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ewwwwwwwwwwwww
2014-07-10 01:05:48
@szvan: @MockTM Rubbing firmly is exactly how you stop a head bleed.
2014-07-10 01:06:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh jesus fuck, it starts with a “she changed her story” trope…
2014-07-10 01:06:30
2014-07-10 01:07:00
@szvan: @MockTM Because once you’ve made a baby, all medical needs cease.
2014-07-10 01:07:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is like some kind of anti-misandry.
2014-07-10 01:07:42
@DrRubidium: @MockTM sweet baby Jesus. This is like a porn parody of The Handmaid’s Tale.
2014-07-10 01:08:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fortunately he can still make babies after being REPEATEDLY PUNCHED IN THAT SMUG GRIN
2014-07-10 01:08:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Right, that’s the best way to make a guy make lots of babies: keep him in a chastity belt.
2014-07-10 01:09:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow. Blatant rip-off of Heywood Floyd’s video recording in 2001
2014-07-10 01:10:22
@szvan: @MockTM Wow, I bet she’s different without her glasses.
2014-07-10 01:10:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Followed by the music cue from DR. STRANGELOVE (“When Fluids Come Marching Home Again…”)
2014-07-10 01:11:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The sperm go marching on and on, hurrah, hurrah
2014-07-10 01:11:28
@szvan: @MockTM I guess he can still do his job as an eyeless, boneless, chickenless egg?
2014-07-10 01:11:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Used to take everything seriously. Then I had that one feud with Undertaker.”
2014-07-10 01:12:12
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, how, oh, how did I miss that the car is pink?
2014-07-10 01:12:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I used to take everything seriously. But everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.”
2014-07-10 01:12:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I used to take everything seriously. Then I took an arrow to the knee.”
2014-07-10 01:13:11
@szvan: @MockTM Aw, he’s a civility proponent. How cute.
2014-07-10 01:13:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “One way or another, we’re going through.” “Okay. One way or another, we’re gonna find you, we’re gonna getcha getcha getcha”
2014-07-10 01:13:57
@szvan: @MockTM I don’t think he needs to be able to talk to do his job. Just saying.
2014-07-10 01:14:29
@szvan: @MockTM Now he worries about getting them pregnant?
2014-07-10 01:14:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That seems like a sound plan: bring the breeding stock to the front lines to do a rescue mission.
2014-07-10 01:15:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM AcTING!!!
2014-07-10 01:15:35
@szvan: @MockTM “The hills are alive….”
2014-07-10 01:15:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Suddenly this movie just became strangely tolerable.
2014-07-10 01:16:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Given the proximity thing, I’d advise you follow her, you stupid, stupid man.
2014-07-10 01:17:12
@DrRubidium: @MockTM damn. Had to miss like 10 minutes. Is this still a movie about creeper?
2014-07-10 01:18:11
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM Yes, but there’s a stinger in his chastity belt.
2014-07-10 01:18:51
@DrRubidium: @MockTM GROSS. This movie.
2014-07-10 01:19:09
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM thank fuck for that
2014-07-10 01:19:28
@szvan: @MockTM “We can’t make any noise. These are silent dog tags.”
2014-07-10 01:20:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Written by Roddy Piper. That’s the only fucking explanation for this bullshit.
2014-07-10 01:20:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM Women get lonely…but *that* lonely?
2014-07-10 01:20:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, now we know this movie is science fiction
2014-07-10 01:20:57
@szvan: @MockTM Apparently the majority of humanity has become impotent, not sterile.
2014-07-10 01:21:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM I guess now we know where Penn Jillette got his ideas for how to paint cars
2014-07-10 01:21:55
@DrRubidium: @MockTM bunch a baby mamas =/= good in bed. It = stupid.
2014-07-10 01:22:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So let me get this straight. In the dystopian feminist future, men will get all the sex. MISANDRY.
2014-07-10 01:22:27
@DrRubidium: @mockTM “field potency”? This makes no damn sense. Also, why do we want his genes to continue?
2014-07-10 01:23:00
@szvan: @MockTM Clearly they’re not concerned with the continuation of humanity as an intelligent species.
2014-07-10 01:23:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh for the love of Glob won’t something *happen* besides this guy being a fecking idjit?
2014-07-10 01:24:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Why did the motion tracker not track his motion?
2014-07-10 01:24:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM More left! No, more your other left!
2014-07-10 01:24:40
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Christ. Is this movie about to take a very disturbing turn?
2014-07-10 01:25:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The tests I just ran on her”? I can’t help but think it involves plastic explosives.
2014-07-10 01:25:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, the feral girl tied up on the sleeping mat is the audience surrogate character now?
2014-07-10 01:26:06
@DrRubidium: @MockTM So, she drugs her and he’ll rape her? WHAT THE FUCK?
2014-07-10 01:26:46
@CA7746: @MockTM “I’ve restrained and drugged the fertile captive. Start now.” “Umm… Are we the baddies?”
2014-07-10 01:27:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What the hell, Piper? How hard is it to say “I don’t much like fucking unconscious girls”?
2014-07-10 01:27:56
@szvan: @MockTM If only he knew that that’s her kink.
2014-07-10 01:27:58
@CA7746: @MockTM *crickets*
2014-07-10 01:29:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM Skeeved-out factor 7
2014-07-10 01:29:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM … make that 8
2014-07-10 01:29:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM WELL I’M SEDUCED NOW. Yup. That’s what that sick feeling in the pit of my gut says anyway.
2014-07-10 01:29:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Blouse on, glasses off, make up your damn mind
2014-07-10 01:30:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I. Can’t. EVEN.
2014-07-10 01:30:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, thank Glob, we cut away to a voyeur
2014-07-10 01:30:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look, if this is the dusk of the human race, just let it fucking die. Okay?
2014-07-10 01:31:11
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ah, they went with the Gone With The Wind she’s-so-grateful. GROSS
2014-07-10 01:31:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM As much as it grieves me to say, I think we just had a technical Bechdel pass
2014-07-10 01:32:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM
2014-07-10 01:33:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why isn’t homegirl wearing a damn bra?
2014-07-10 01:33:23
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM I second that emotion
2014-07-10 01:34:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM aaaaaaaagh the wacky hijinks music
2014-07-10 01:35:18
@DrRubidium: @MockTM somebody better update a description of this movie to include “douchebag’s rape fantasy”
2014-07-10 01:35:24
@CA7746: @MockTM Glasses tossed without complaint. Still plenty of optometrists after WW3.
2014-07-10 01:36:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM at least you can still get a good martini after the apocalypse
2014-07-10 01:36:50
@CA7746: @MockTM Slooow tilt up from legs. This always ends well.
2014-07-10 01:37:02
@DrRubidium: @MockTM lace and fringe? This was the 80s for sure. Also, the misogyny
2014-07-10 01:37:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So the frog mutants are ACTUALLY FROGS. What a stunning reveal.
2014-07-10 01:37:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM the director saw Star Trek V and said, “Yes! Like that, but more so!”
2014-07-10 01:37:35
@szvan: @MockTM Nine lives and shiny, white teeth.
2014-07-10 01:38:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Did he just tell him to check into Foursquare?
2014-07-10 01:39:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m being Foursquare with you. Go check in at tunnel 43 and find out!”
2014-07-10 01:39:38
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM LOL
2014-07-10 01:39:55
@szvan: @MockTM He’s the dude who taught me all I know about rape.
2014-07-10 01:40:15
@szvan: @MockTM Jell-O salad. If anything were going to survive the apocalypse….
2014-07-10 01:41:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that old dude is totally doing steampunk cosplay
2014-07-10 01:41:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yelp review: “Bad drinks, guacamole was stale and made of lizards, everyone called me flat lips. 4/5”
2014-07-10 01:41:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Schlitz! Real Schlitz!”
2014-07-10 01:42:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh so this is the Fallout-style radioactivity that you can probably clear up with a Rad-X tab.
2014-07-10 01:42:20
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Miami Vice costume team clearly did the Boss Frog
2014-07-10 01:42:31
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @MockTM I was going to say the fat man from Maltese Falcon.
2014-07-10 01:43:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Fezzes are cool, even on frogs.
2014-07-10 01:43:23
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM yeah, with that hat.. for sure!
2014-07-10 01:43:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Firm figure! Tickle tickle tickle!”
2014-07-10 01:43:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You got another model with more… zazz?”
2014-07-10 01:44:00
@DrRubidium: @mockTM why is Boss Frog wearing swim goggles?
2014-07-10 01:44:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Where you from, stranger?” “Nowhere nice. Newark.”
2014-07-10 01:44:53
@szvan: @MockTM I think that tongue is vestigial.
2014-07-10 01:45:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This guy has excellent diction for someone with only 5 degrees of motion between his lips.
2014-07-10 01:46:13
@szvan: @MockTM “Everybody, back to work! Eat! Drink!”
2014-07-10 01:46:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM know would be a good time for homegirl to take off her earrings. Literally and figuratively.
2014-07-10 01:46:38
@leilah: Dear @MocktM: I swear, I will get it together to do this again someday. I look forward to it all day, then get home & my brain dies.
2014-07-10 01:47:51
@szvan: @MockTM I’l bet she knows.
2014-07-10 01:47:55
@DrRubidium: @MockTM are you for REAL?!
2014-07-10 01:47:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I don’t know how to thank you for OH SHIT I SWEAR I DIDN’T SAY THAT”
2014-07-10 01:48:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Jesus. This movie.
2014-07-10 01:49:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude, that frog has a katana.
2014-07-10 01:49:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Which way should I go?” “Just follow your crotch-beeps!”
2014-07-10 01:50:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM And the layers of Idiot Plot pile atop one another
2014-07-10 01:50:41
@rebeccawatson: Staying with some friends doing @mocktm and just walked in to see them watching a film that appears to be basically frog-person porn?
2014-07-10 01:50:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The bourbon is sealed?!” Yeah, with this shit, I can see how that might be a problem.
2014-07-10 01:51:06
@lousycanuck: @rebeccawatson @mocktm Accurate.
2014-07-10 01:51:27
@szvan: @MockTM My theory is that they had the costumes, made during a bad drug trip, and decided they needed to movie to go with them.
2014-07-10 01:51:49
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @rebeccawatson @MockTM Sadly, yes.
2014-07-10 01:52:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’d be happy if his crouch exploded.
2014-07-10 01:52:07
@szvan: @MockTM And now we reenact the bad drug trip.
2014-07-10 01:52:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, I hope “prepare her” involves nothing more than boring the shit out of her with quasi-mysticism.
2014-07-10 01:52:53
@szvan: @MockTM Can we just have a movie about crappy costume-making instead?
2014-07-10 01:52:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m actually cheering for the plastic explosives.
2014-07-10 01:53:00
@alanpdx: @rebeccawatson @mocktm Kermit has to pay that Miss Piggy alimony somehow.
2014-07-10 01:53:42
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM My guess involves Worcestershire sauce.
2014-07-10 01:53:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, so the bad guy frog swings both ways.
2014-07-10 01:53:57
@szvan: Yes, please. RT @DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m actually cheering for the plastic explosives.
2014-07-10 01:54:03
@szvan: @MockTM He’s medtech-curious? Kinky.
2014-07-10 01:54:22
@CA7746: @MockTM Preschool parachute games, currupted by Rule 34.
2014-07-10 01:54:41
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ah, the obligatory quasi-lesbian scene
2014-07-10 01:54:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, did you know your body is asleep unless you’re writhing around like a porn starlet?
2014-07-10 01:55:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM The director saw MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE and said, “Yes! Like that! But more so!”
2014-07-10 01:55:11
@szvan: @MockTM Go! Go! Go!
2014-07-10 01:56:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Little feathery touch to the earring is enough to set it off but her hair didn’t? You know what, I’ll take it. EXPLOOOOODE!
2014-07-10 01:56:39
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM
2014-07-10 01:57:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey! That’s sentimental AMPHIBIAN to you!
2014-07-10 01:57:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM good thing plastic explosives aren’t shock sensitive.
2014-07-10 01:58:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hahaha it blew up in the frogs face and not on Piper’s crotch. I think I need more booze.
2014-07-10 01:58:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM yes, because what’s important is that your dick is all there
2014-07-10 01:59:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are you okay?” “He kinda nicked my kidney a little but at least my cock is fine.”
2014-07-10 01:59:15
@szvan: @MockTM What’s that tool for?
2014-07-10 01:59:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, because you had to have the obligatory suplex. The stabbing was a bit of a rudo move though.
2014-07-10 02:00:00
@szvan: @MockTM Horny? Or escape? Horny? Or escape?
2014-07-10 02:00:29
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what the fuck is she wearing?
2014-07-10 02:01:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Dance of the three snakes? Umm, but most guys only have one.”
2014-07-10 02:01:04
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM The shoes!!!!
2014-07-10 02:01:18
@szvan: @MockTM Hey, this is the part of the movie where we find out she’s a terrible dancer!
2014-07-10 02:01:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I feel like this is @MelMall doing interpretive dance.
2014-07-10 02:02:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM The Dance of the Three Snakes seems to involve a lot of general flailing about
2014-07-10 02:02:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, what? Was that signal flare a premature ejaculation joke!?
2014-07-10 02:02:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Today we learn that frog-people actually have fairly low standards for dance
2014-07-10 02:03:37
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I can’t believe this movie. I can’t.
2014-07-10 02:03:40
@DrWhoExpert: @rebeccawatson @MockTM Yoda needs to pay the bills somehow
2014-07-10 02:03:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And then we find out he’s got three cocks. And he kicks the three… so six balls then?
2014-07-10 02:03:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Eat lead, froggies”? That wasn’t a line, that was a fart of language.
2014-07-10 02:04:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “War was a long time ago.” “Well, I hear war never changes.”
2014-07-10 02:05:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You know, we could have just shot them.”
2014-07-10 02:05:59
@DrRubidium: @mockTM I feel like this set design was stolen from Pat Benatar’s Love Is a Battlefield
2014-07-10 02:06:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Someone just shoot them all okay please. That would be really great.
2014-07-10 02:07:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM So now it’s a post-apocalyptic passive bimbo clown car. Okay.
2014-07-10 02:07:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Come on, people, I’m double parked here.” is the best bit of dialogue in this damn movie.
2014-07-10 02:07:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, it’s the guys they failed to take the opportunity to kill earlier who will probably be an irritant for the last 20 minutes
2014-07-10 02:08:24
@szvan: @MockTM It’s nice that she knows how to make greasy hair work for her.
2014-07-10 02:09:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What is…red?”
2014-07-10 02:09:31
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that is the WORST fake blood in the history of cinema. It’s actually tomato soup.
2014-07-10 02:09:38
@szvan: @MockTM No! Save him! He might be potent!
2014-07-10 02:09:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM You have a machine gun. USE IT.
2014-07-10 02:10:42
@szvan: @MockTM Luckily, wrenching the wheel put her firmly back on the road.
2014-07-10 02:11:18
@DrRubidium: @MockTM just figured out where I’d seen machine gun lady! Fosse’s ‘All That Jazz’
2014-07-10 02:11:41
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @MockTM Was it her big-motion machine gun moves?
2014-07-10 02:12:32
@szvan: @MockTM Dude, skekses did it better.
2014-07-10 02:12:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM she also played the villain in Red Sonja. Rich is a MUCH better movie than this one. But, you know…
2014-07-10 02:12:43
@szvan: @MockTM Shhh. Nobody tell him he’s monologuing.
2014-07-10 02:13:35
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM and the jazz hands!
2014-07-10 02:13:57
@szvan: @MockTM Don’t risk the swimmers!
2014-07-10 02:14:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM END. END. END. END ALREADY.
2014-07-10 02:14:54
@Diraccone: @rebeccawatson @MockTM I assume this refers to the Rowdy Roddy Piper classic Hell Comes To Frogtown and the dance of the three snakes.
2014-07-10 02:14:55
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Long-winded son of a bitch.” describes this entire movie
2014-07-10 02:15:33
@szvan: @MockTM It was a terrible 60-minute movie. It’s worse at length.
2014-07-10 02:15:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM He died as he lived. Who was he, again?
2014-07-10 02:16:18
@szvan: @MockTM Damn those gasoline bombs.
2014-07-10 02:16:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this move is overlong. Much like Sam Hell’s hair.
2014-07-10 02:16:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hey, it’s those frog guys I could have shot half an hour ago.”
2014-07-10 02:17:20
@CA7746: @MockTM Make some gunpowder!
2014-07-10 02:18:00
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, come on. Wimp. The last guy survived that fall.
2014-07-10 02:18:06
@TheMikennaM: @rebeccawatson @MockTM I won’t lie, if I walked in on that, I’d just take another drink of my soda and say, “I’ve watched weirder.”
2014-07-10 02:18:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hmm, how would James Kirk handle this?
2014-07-10 02:18:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the war must have changed their blood to tomato soup… so confusing
2014-07-10 02:18:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Just need to find some sulfur and saltpeter!!!
2014-07-10 02:18:45
@szvan: @MockTM Doomed because he had no cultural references for the Three Stooges.
2014-07-10 02:19:03
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM Yeah, we’re thinking of the same thing here I think.
2014-07-10 02:19:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s not so much ripping off the Kirk / Gorn fight as making a “gritty reboot” at this point.
2014-07-10 02:19:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Whoops, cut off my foot there.”
2014-07-10 02:19:46
@DrRubidium: @MockTM gotta say, I was really hoping that SOB got pulled over with Boss Frog
2014-07-10 02:19:52
@szvan: @lousycanuck @MockTM I think you mean “filthy”.
2014-07-10 02:19:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Sam! Sam! Does the absence of charred bodies tell you nothing?!”
2014-07-10 02:20:40
@szvan: @MockTM Oh. Wait. There weren’t any bodies, were there?
2014-07-10 02:20:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I knew you’d miss me.” *smile* *smile* *crotch-punt*
2014-07-10 02:21:51
@CA7746: @MockTM “Here hon. Have my dead daughter’s necklace, for when you want to remember that time in the sleeping bag.”
2014-07-10 02:22:21
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie.
2014-07-10 02:23:19
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, thank fuck it’s done.
2014-07-10 02:23:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that was certainly a…thing
2014-07-10 02:23:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I guess what they say is true.” “What’s that?” “One in the hand is worth two in the bush — I mean, uh…”
2014-07-10 02:24:01
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I need a hot bath, ice cold gin, and my 90 min of my life back.
2014-07-10 02:24:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM When the credits come rolling in
2014-07-10 02:24:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Let’s all pretend tonight never happened. Because… um… I’m now missing time.
2014-07-10 02:24:38
@CA7746: @MockTM Eventually, Sam Hell was killed in action.
2014-07-10 02:24:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @CA7746 Death by snu-snu.
2014-07-10 02:25:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM The faces go palming one by one, hurrah
2014-07-10 02:25:12
@szvan: .@MockTM Because it feels so good when you stop.
2014-07-10 02:26:01
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @MockTM I’m going to go wander off to the nearest bar and pretend I didn’t just do that move *on purpose*.
2014-07-10 02:26:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM When 13-year-old boys become filmmakers. TONIGHT, on #SickSadWorld!
2014-07-10 02:26:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM No, scratch that. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE, tonight on #SickSadWorld.
2014-07-10 02:26:48
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM this movie. I’m going to look at @zooborns now and pretend it never happened.
2014-07-10 02:27:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fun fact: this movie inspired the title of a Family Guy episode. Because of course it did.
2014-07-10 02:27:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan @DrRubidium I feel like we created a monster when we came up with this idea. Why? What have we done? What fresh hell is this?
2014-07-10 02:28:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hell Comes To Frogtown spawned one sequel”. Clever, Wikipedia, clever.
2014-07-10 02:28:45
@gregslyon: @MockTM what the hell just happened? 😛
2014-07-10 02:28:56
@szvan: @lousycanuck @MockTM @DrRubidium I think we have to blame this one on @abiodork.
2014-07-10 02:35:01
@DrRubidium: @szvan @lousycanuck @MockTM Wow, @abiodork. Why do you hate us?
2014-07-10 02:40:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I suggest Valhalla Rising. Mainly because of Mads Mikkelsen’s cheekbones.
2014-07-10 02:41:33
@abikleinsmith: @DrRubidium @MockTM I don’t know what you watched but reading about it was great.
2014-07-10 02:41:48
@DrRubidium: @abikleinsmith @MockTM so, so, so bad. No good. Just none.
2014-07-10 02:45:12
@TheGornCaptain: @lousycanuck @MockTM anyone tries to “reboot” me will find my boot up his ass. Hissss!
2014-07-10 05:53:26

Mock The Movie transcript: Hell Comes to Frogtown

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