Mock The Movie: Battle Beyond the Stars transcript

I’m somewhat behind on everything after the effort put into Skeptech, and my days are going to be filled for the foreseeable future with fights against Heartbleed. So, no witticisms here. I’m kinda spent at the moment. I’ll get the transcripts and SRTs up on the page as soon as I can, I promise.

@CA7746: @MockTM This movie whips the llama’s ass.
2014-04-03 01:00:46
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Subtitles! @CyberLizard ‘s worst enemy!!
2014-04-03 01:00:59
@szvan: @MockTM It has Sybil Danning. How bad can it be?
2014-04-03 01:01:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A short time ago, in a galaxy inhabited by Roger Corman movies…
2014-04-03 01:01:55
@chaos46692: @MockTM oh man, I know it’s about space now because there are lines streaking past me
2014-04-03 01:02:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’ll believe a man can fall over”
2014-04-03 01:02:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM An extreme closeup of a Go-Bot.
2014-04-03 01:02:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM so far everything is feeling very Wrath-of-Khan ripoff
2014-04-03 01:02:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait… is this movie ripping off Spaceballs!?
2014-04-03 01:02:52
@szvan: @MockTM Mom? Dad? What does he mean by “compatible”?
2014-04-03 01:03:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM meanwhile, in a toy store not far away
2014-04-03 01:03:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It sure is fortunate that the locals call the planet the same thing that the evil alien craft does.
2014-04-03 01:04:23
@szvan: @MockTM It’s not often that I see live-action Hanna-Barbera effect.
2014-04-03 01:04:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Alert! Alert! The invasion-by-space-aliens klaxon is going off! And Congress said that was a boondoggle…
2014-04-03 01:05:09
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I saw John Oates!
2014-04-03 01:05:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I possess a stellar converter.” “What’s it do?” “Turns young teenage girls into Disney idols.”
2014-04-03 01:05:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM The only way to stop a bad guy with a stellar converter is a good guy with a stellar converter
2014-04-03 01:06:11
@szvan: @MockTM They ordered the extra-noisy lasers.
2014-04-03 01:06:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s good the closed captioning indicates the music is dramatic. Makes up for the music itself.
2014-04-03 01:07:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I have lasted this long by fighting. In bars mostly. ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FUNNY?” *smashes bottle*
2014-04-03 01:07:44
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM John-Boy?!
2014-04-03 01:08:06
@szvan: @MockTM A wise, old, blind, kooky wise man? What a bold choice.
2014-04-03 01:08:15
@CyberLizard: @MockTM John-boy Walton to the rescue!
2014-04-03 01:08:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM “To get kids off your lawn, you must use violence!”
2014-04-03 01:08:18
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM The Uterus-Mobile!
2014-04-03 01:08:28
@CA7746: @MockTM Truck nuts in spaaAAACE!
2014-04-03 01:08:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hello Nell. Nell? Well if you’re not here, I’ll just run down to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters.”
2014-04-03 01:09:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s good that we’re marking who the bad guys are by making them indiscriminately violent.
2014-04-03 01:10:52
@szvan: @MockTM The matching scars are very fashionable. Or lazy. Nah, let’s go with fashionable.
2014-04-03 01:13:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If Nell can autopilot to Hephaestus Station, why couldn’t she shoot if she wanted a scrap so badly?
2014-04-03 01:13:33
@CA7746: @MockTM “Permission to dock? This is the NCC-1701 Double-D.”
2014-04-03 01:13:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s an entire species of Tony from Total Recall
2014-04-03 01:13:48
@chaos46692: @MockTM all I want is for someone to say “Zed’s dead baby”, is that too much to ask?
2014-04-03 01:14:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This ship was obviously designed by a barely post-pubescent teenage boy.
2014-04-03 01:14:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Does anybody receive my transmission?” “No!”
2014-04-03 01:15:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How can one ship simultaneously look like a boob, a penis and a scrotum from various angles?
2014-04-03 01:16:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s what you get for sitting on the roombas.
2014-04-03 01:17:00
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM just like the rides at Disney!!
2014-04-03 01:17:04
@CA7746: @MockTM “The human crew? Spare parts. Not much left. Wait, no… They left. Looking. For parts.”
2014-04-03 01:17:42
@chaos46692: @MockTM I never rode that ride at Disneyland!
2014-04-03 01:17:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I take care of the androids while the Master is away…”
2014-04-03 01:18:28
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM I TaKe CAre oF tHe AnDrOids WhiLe ThE MasTEr Is AwAY
2014-04-03 01:18:36
@CA7746: @MockTM Called it!
2014-04-03 01:18:37
@szvan: @MockTM “Will you help us, Doctor?” “Hang on. I’m monologuing.”
2014-04-03 01:19:12
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Your planet is doomed! DOOOOOOOMED!
2014-04-03 01:19:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’ve met my daughter.” “Yes. And you’ve designed her to be very hot.” “You should breed with her.” “OKAY.”
2014-04-03 01:19:45
@chaos46692: @MockTM so this is basically a shitty version of Babylon 5???
2014-04-03 01:20:13
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Sex with your daughter? Well, lemme think about it a min-Okay
2014-04-03 01:20:25
@CyberLizard: @MockTM father wanted me to bang, er, meet you.
2014-04-03 01:20:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Thank you for choosing Johnny-Butler!”
2014-04-03 01:21:09
2014-04-03 01:21:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Noise, excitement, life, inbreeding…”
2014-04-03 01:22:05
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM my crimped hair disagrees!
2014-04-03 01:22:48
@CyberLizard: @MockTM John-boy really knows how to woo the ladies with tales of children rotting like fruit.
2014-04-03 01:22:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Scrote-ship AWAAAAY
2014-04-03 01:23:45
@CA7746: @MockTM “Nell is my ship’s AI. A silicone based lifeform.”
2014-04-03 01:24:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, 1980. When even spaceship control panels looked like SIMON.
2014-04-03 01:25:25
@chaos46692: @MockTM “exchange data”, suuuuuuure
2014-04-03 01:25:31
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Their reply was “I am rubber, you are glue- whatever you say bounces off me back to you”
2014-04-03 01:25:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “They have replied to our ultimatum. It’s a holo-picture of every member of their civilization flipping us off.”
2014-04-03 01:25:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Quick, some mathematician make a joke about the Lambda Zone.
2014-04-03 01:26:22
@CyberLizard: @MockTM A redneck starship. Of course.
2014-04-03 01:26:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The Lambda Zone is a pretty wild area. They say you’ll only live a half-life there.”
2014-04-03 01:26:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Space rednecks!
2014-04-03 01:26:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Remember the Space Alamo!!!”
2014-04-03 01:27:22
@chaos46692: @MockTM Rednecks in spaaaaaaaaaaaace!
2014-04-03 01:27:46
@szvan: @MockTM Life-changing ethical decisions are best made on a whim.
2014-04-03 01:28:04
@chaos46692: @MockTM dude, you left your phone off the hook!
2014-04-03 01:28:15
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Scrote-ship shoots its load
2014-04-03 01:29:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I did it. I shot and exploded those people. Are you happy now, Nell? HUH?”
2014-04-03 01:29:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You fired without my direct command, Nell. What, did you get too excited and fire prematurely!?”
2014-04-03 01:29:57
@CA7746: @MockTM Stellar converter… star generator… So this is brown-haired Roger Wilco!?
2014-04-03 01:31:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ooh, it’s the Big Scary Machine demo
2014-04-03 01:31:14
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “See what I mean? He makes things really glowy”
2014-04-03 01:31:23
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Meh. Governor Tarkin blew up planets better.
2014-04-03 01:31:31
@chaos46692: @MockTM fire sparkle laser, erm, stellar converter!
2014-04-03 01:31:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @CA7746 I haven’t seen his mop-wielding skills yet. But it’s not entirely un-possible.
2014-04-03 01:31:46
@szvan: @MockTM Wow. A weapon that adds enough mass to make a planet into a star the same size. That would be impressive if done on purpose.
2014-04-03 01:32:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Custer’s Last Stand? I like the sound of THAT!”
2014-04-03 01:32:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, right, she’s in this movie.
2014-04-03 01:33:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM OH SHIT IT’S UNICRON
2014-04-03 01:33:35
@chaos46692: @lousycanuck @MockTM ummm, something, something eigenvalues?
…I got nothing =/
2014-04-03 01:33:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “They are Kelvin. They communicate by being hot.”
2014-04-03 01:34:43
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM The scrote-ship is being sucked in.
2014-04-03 01:36:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You mentioned a bad guy? Suddenly I don’t want to sell you into slavery. Oh capriciousness!”
2014-04-03 01:36:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Damn, we put our scrotum-ship right into their laps.”
2014-04-03 01:36:45
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Ooh, Scrote-ship’s gonna do a lap dance!
2014-04-03 01:36:47
@CyberLizard: @mocktm MIMES!!!!
2014-04-03 01:36:55
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “We also read your spleen”
2014-04-03 01:38:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You read my mind?” “Among other things. We also checked your recent Facebook statuses, like ‘just had to shoot a guy, it sucked’.”
2014-04-03 01:38:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Their species has perfected the ancient art of Stop Hitting Yourself
2014-04-03 01:38:23
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “Enjoy this Mountain Dew Baja Blast”
2014-04-03 01:39:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We must avoid becoming bored to death. So we stand around in a plain white room, wearing all white, not talking ever.”
2014-04-03 01:39:27
@chaos46692: @MockTM we are known for the shittiest character effects ever
2014-04-03 01:39:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM If you’re trying to avoid being bored to death, what are you doing in this movie?
2014-04-03 01:39:47
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM if one of the mercenaries is named “San Holo”, I QUIT
2014-04-03 01:40:53
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Oh, look, John-boy found Dagobah
2014-04-03 01:41:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, look, cobwebs don’t just form any old uninhabitable place.
2014-04-03 01:42:21
@szvan: @MockTM It’s good to know that music signals breathable air.
2014-04-03 01:42:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dial-a-drug? Sweet. *presses all the buttons*
2014-04-03 01:42:46
@CA7746: @MockTM Eating random pills? Yeah, it’s Roger Wilco.
2014-04-03 01:42:49
@CyberLizard: @mocktm She’s had this gig for a WHILE now
2014-04-03 01:43:14
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “Dial-A-Drug”? Did they get that from Philip Seymour Hoffman’s place? #TooSoon
2014-04-03 01:43:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Uh, that dude was in Magnificent Seven.
2014-04-03 01:43:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I guess this really IS Space Seven Samurai. With Roger Wilco.
2014-04-03 01:44:20
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “I have no home, no family, no principles” “I’m a Kardaschian”
2014-04-03 01:45:27
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “I’ve collected a lot of enemies in my career as a dispute-settler.”
2014-04-03 01:45:28
@CA7746: @MockTM “I eat serpent seven times a week. It’s my favorite.”
2014-04-03 01:46:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM Pacifist-boy is really quick to jump to the idea of killing for pleasure
2014-04-03 01:46:09
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Plutonium, eh? You haven’t got any lead cod pieces laying around…”
2014-04-03 01:46:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Once, a long time ago, I did a job for free for a bald Cajun…”
2014-04-03 01:46:18
@chaos46692: @MockTM you need to get a better pitch boy
2014-04-03 01:46:20
@szvan: @MockTM Plot coupon collected, and just for showing up.
2014-04-03 01:46:30
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “Thanks for stopping at Space 7-11 for a Space-Slurpee”
2014-04-03 01:47:01
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM It’s St. Vincent!
2014-04-03 01:48:05
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Day-um. John-boy is a bit of a prick.
2014-04-03 01:48:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM She and his ship go well together
2014-04-03 01:48:55
@szvan: @MockTM “Are your people as…worth saving as you are?”
2014-04-03 01:50:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Sorry lady, but I’m only interested in recruiting men with big dicks or dick-substitute spaceships.”
2014-04-03 01:50:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, dude’s playing the exact same character.
2014-04-03 01:50:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I want his head.” “Well you’re welcome to it. We’re only interested in his heart, liver, kidneys and spine.
2014-04-03 01:51:31
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “I don’t like anyone behind me” Teehee teehee
2014-04-03 01:51:42
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “Run away!” So, they’re French, then?
2014-04-03 01:53:14
@chaos46692: @MockTM 7! 7 SHIPS! ah ha ha!
2014-04-03 01:53:54
@chaos46692: @MockTM man those ships are awfully loud considering they’re in outer space
2014-04-03 01:55:12
@CyberLizard: @mocktm So they decided to let She-ra help, eh?
2014-04-03 01:55:22
@CyberLizard: @mocktm You’ll be required to maneuver down this trench.
2014-04-03 01:55:48
@szvan: @MockTM “If I can maintain these crimps during ship travel and captivity, we can knock out the converter.”
2014-04-03 01:56:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Our only hope is to put a giant mirror in front of the stellar converter so it blows itself up.”
2014-04-03 01:56:29
@chaos46692: @MockTM Xylophones: the future of computing
2014-04-03 01:57:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Even prangle his transistors!? That’s illegal in most sectors of the galaxy!
2014-04-03 01:58:10
@chaos46692: @MockTM Great, now my wife wants a Bar Belt….
2014-04-03 01:58:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Flagship to Rear Guard One, do you read me?! Maybe I should turn down the background music…”
2014-04-03 01:59:11
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “And the man puts his wingdanger into the woman’s hooha…”
2014-04-03 01:59:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What do you do for procreation?” “Oh, it’s very simple. First we use this device to extract ova and sperm from each of us…”
2014-04-03 02:00:09
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM That’s code for “jizzed in his pants”
2014-04-03 02:00:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Your torque bar slipped its groove. You’re going to need a new one.” “I’m going to need a new penis!?” “What?” “What??”
2014-04-03 02:00:53
@CA7746: @MockTM Corman saved on wardrobe by putting extras in boxer shorts.
2014-04-03 02:01:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Does your species have kissing?” “Yes, it’s a ritual among our organized crime societies.”
2014-04-03 02:01:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That’s what we call meat back home.” “Yeah, maybe if you’re a vegan.”
2014-04-03 02:02:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, wow, seriously, that guy is literally lifted from Magnificent Seven, down to the black gloves and “I was never that little.”
2014-04-03 02:03:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “If you think different, you get called bad. Also, I’ve killed lots of people. That probably counts, too.”
2014-04-03 02:03:15
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM EVERYTHING is a euphemism in this movie!
2014-04-03 02:03:34
@CyberLizard: @mocktm He, he, he just pissed in a glass?!
2014-04-03 02:04:13
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Insta-Piss Belt!
2014-04-03 02:04:36
@chaos46692: @MockTM we’re about to enter an epic battle, clearly this is the time to get shitfaced
2014-04-03 02:05:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Something is approaching. It seems to be very small.” “THROW EVERYTHING WE HAVE AT IT”
2014-04-03 02:05:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Shit. Did I remember to load the real ammo?”
2014-04-03 02:05:59
@szvan: @MockTM That’s our little Varda follower, all grown up and bloodthirsty.
2014-04-03 02:06:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh drat, my space steering wheel’s magic smoke got all let-out.”
2014-04-03 02:07:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh yeah, space is three dimensional isn’t it?
2014-04-03 02:08:21
@CA7746: @MockTM Nell, evasive maneuvers. Begin Gainaxing.
2014-04-03 02:08:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Combat tacticsh, Mr. Ryan.”
2014-04-03 02:10:00
@chaos46692: @MockTM worst. nuke. ever.
2014-04-03 02:10:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I know, let’s train all the locals how to fight using sticks.
2014-04-03 02:10:58
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM He had Slurm for blood!
2014-04-03 02:11:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You know, when the enemy has a machine that can turn your planet into a sun, fighting a land war is a little futile.
2014-04-03 02:11:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM Never bring a laser rifle to a boozing-Texan-with-a-knife fight
2014-04-03 02:12:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Good that they can hear each other through both them plugging their ears and the sonic weapon.
2014-04-03 02:12:18
@szvan: @MockTM That guy always did exaggerate.
2014-04-03 02:12:37
@chaos46692: @MockTM hey I know, let’s stand in a straight line and shoot at them. That should work out just fine
2014-04-03 02:12:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Some sort of sonic weapon! We can’t defend against it!” “Friday, Friday, gotta get down on–”
2014-04-03 02:12:47
@CyberLizard: @mocktm We’ll glow you to death!
2014-04-03 02:13:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What can they do?” “Well, have you ever heard of Tiananmen Square?”
2014-04-03 02:13:37
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, heat sparkles.
2014-04-03 02:13:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Get them to the protein tanks!” “You mean the BBQ buffet?”
2014-04-03 02:14:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He was the last of the mediocre ones. Now we’re down to only the totally sub-par ones, like you.”
2014-04-03 02:15:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I received a transmission. Zed’s dead, Shad. Zed’s dead.”
2014-04-03 02:15:43
@CA7746: @MockTM Yes, we see you. That’s a camera on your tail.
2014-04-03 02:15:56
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “He was the last of the great ones.” “Now there’s just you, Pussy-Boy”
2014-04-03 02:15:57
@chaos46692: @MockTM I am entirely too sober to watch this movie
2014-04-03 02:16:05
@chaos46692: @MockTM “Zed’s dead baby”
2014-04-03 02:16:24
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “You’ve never seen a Valkyrie go down” Saaaaaay
2014-04-03 02:16:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Our creed is to live fast, fight well and have a sweet ass. I mean, beautiful ending.”
2014-04-03 02:16:51
@szvan: @MockTM And if you keep talking like that, you never will.
2014-04-03 02:17:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’ve never seen a Valkyrie go down.” Only on pay-per-view.
2014-04-03 02:17:33
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Gelt had just enough in him to make one last duck-face
2014-04-03 02:17:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “There was nothing we could do. His make-up was too severe.”
2014-04-03 02:18:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What one sees, all see. We’ll be getting a picture soon. As soon as that one guy stops watching Netflix on his cell phone. *ahem*”
2014-04-03 02:19:03
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM Uh, they’re giving him paper cuts?
2014-04-03 02:19:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You won’t give us the information?” “That would be telling.”
2014-04-03 02:19:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I must say, a chainsaw made of little feathers certainly does cut very well.
2014-04-03 02:21:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!!”
2014-04-03 02:22:37
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I could help you up there” (chick-a-bow-wow music plays)
2014-04-03 02:22:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s my life, I could do what I want. You’re not the boss of me.”
2014-04-03 02:22:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Nell, shut up. And please don’t live-narrate this like you do my masturbation sessions.”
2014-04-03 02:23:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM She’s got a three kill streak, so she’s about to die.
2014-04-03 02:25:16
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM They have the aim of Stormtroopers
2014-04-03 02:25:41
@chaos46692: @blakestacey @MockTM Alien hand syndrome indeed!
2014-04-03 02:26:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “No, it’s quarter circle forward, hard punch. Gads, I wish Nestor 5 was still with us. He was the best at Space Fighter 2.”
2014-04-03 02:26:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM Is it “Nestor is hit” or “Nestor *are* hit”?
2014-04-03 02:26:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lower the force field and prepare to fire.” “But sir we don’t need to lower the force field to fire–” “LOWER THE FORCE FIELD”
2014-04-03 02:27:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Lower the force field! Fondle the inventory of Spencer’s Gifts!”
2014-04-03 02:28:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Valkyries apparently load their cargo bays with fireworks so they can have a “beautiful ending”.
2014-04-03 02:28:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM If that’s all she was going to do, why not crash her entire ship?
2014-04-03 02:30:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Here I come, this is Space Cowboy from the planet Earth, and I’m going to ride this atom bomb all the way down. Yippee kai yay!”
2014-04-03 02:30:20
@thetwillis: @lousycanuck @MockTM I do a similar thing with the trunk of my car, just in case.
2014-04-03 02:30:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So three kill streaks are a thing huh? You get three free kills before you die honourably.
2014-04-03 02:30:53
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I’m about 20 seconds to impact. I love it when a plan comes toge…”
2014-04-03 02:31:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh he’s too ornery to let a little thing like cratering on a planet at hundreds of km/h kill him. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.
2014-04-03 02:32:23
@CA7746: @MockTM Really should’ve planned that revenge better.
2014-04-03 02:32:23
@chaos46692: @MockTM NOOOO! They killed Hannibal!
2014-04-03 02:32:40
@CA7746: @MockTM “Everyone’s *always* at full thrust. Vrooom! Feel better?”
2014-04-03 02:32:43
@szvan: @MockTM Maybe if you’d hired seven people who could, oh, I don’t know, coordinate their attacks?
2014-04-03 02:33:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t forget to pick up the powerups those ships give you!”
2014-04-03 02:33:31
@CA7746: @MockTM There’s a breach in level 3. And the foreward hull has a bust.
2014-04-03 02:34:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Memory banks are gone but she remembers something from a long time ago. Sure.
2014-04-03 02:34:33
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “What are you doing, Shad?”
“I’m switching to manual, Nell”
“I can’t let you do that, Shad”
2014-04-03 02:34:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Bring it in on the tractor beam. I need captives to monologue at.”
2014-04-03 02:35:18
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM It was more of a “wry” funny than a “ha ha” funny
2014-04-03 02:35:21
@chaos46692: @MockTM this movie would be a lot better if they hadn’t blown their special effects budget on glitter
2014-04-03 02:36:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Functions are still intact but apparently math wasn’t a function.
2014-04-03 02:37:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Five, four, something, whatever I’m just gonna blow up now.” *splode*
2014-04-03 02:38:09
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM “I want to live forever” “FAME!!”
2014-04-03 02:38:24
@CyberLizard: @mocktm That was really whiney for a super mutant alien villain.
2014-04-03 02:38:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The Akira believe that no form ends until all the lives that it has touched has ended. So let’s, like, um, touch.”
2014-04-03 02:39:13
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Ummmmm
2014-04-03 02:39:16
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “We’ll never forget Cowboy, or his drunken rants about how space slavery is a planets’ rights issue.”
2014-04-03 02:39:40
@szvan: @MockTM Welp, that was a movie.
2014-04-03 02:39:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “They’ll always be with us. The post-battle orgy will be duller, though.”
2014-04-03 02:39:54
@chaos46692: @MockTM “so can we fuck now?”
2014-04-03 02:39:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So this dorky guy with the flight headset isn’t part of the original movie, just so you know. He’s part of the Director’s Cut.
2014-04-03 02:40:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Missed opportunity: nobody once shouted “TETSUO” “KANEDA”
2014-04-03 02:40:36
@thetwillis: @lousycanuck @MockTM Well, to be fair, it can work in people like that.
2014-04-03 02:40:39
@chaos46692: @szvan @MockTM yup, it most certainly was
2014-04-03 02:41:06
@Rowsdower30: @mockTM We have been thoroughly Corman-ized
2014-04-03 02:42:04
@szvan: @chaos46692 @MockTM At least Roger Corman learned about denouement after The Wasp Woman.
2014-04-03 02:42:52
@CyberLizard: @mocktm I feel like Kurosawa was letting his standards slip with this update of Seven Samurai.
2014-04-03 02:43:25
@chaos46692: @szvan @MockTM holy shit are you saying he’s made worse movies??? I’m not a huge B movie buff. That’s just… wow
2014-04-03 02:45:54
@szvan: @chaos46692 @MockTM Worse? I’m not sure. Differently bad, certainly.
2014-04-03 02:49:59
@chaos46692: @szvan @MockTM LOL fair enough =)
2014-04-03 02:50:45

Mock The Movie: Battle Beyond the Stars transcript

5 thoughts on “Mock The Movie: Battle Beyond the Stars transcript

  1. 4

    I saw this movie in the theaters when it came out. It was a groaner even then. Now that it’s on streaming, I want to inflict it on my son. (Space movies have improved over the years. Yay.)

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