Mock The Movie: The Indestructible Man transcript

We were originally going to mock Brain Twisters, a hacksploitation classic, but Hulu pulled the movie the week before we were going to mock. That, coupled with the fact that we’d begun scheduling Mock The Movie for the first Wednesday of every month after realizing our core participation was experiencing something like mockery burn-out, and we had to start spacing it out a bit more.

The replacement that Stephanie picked out from the Youtube public domain archives was a grand choice, quite frankly. A movie with Lon Chaney as a monster, mediocre acting, but just enough of a plot that we could poke holes in it and pacing such that we weren’t particularly bored trying to do it. I think this movie hit a lot of our sweet spots. And there was some new blood in the mockery mix! Welcome aboard, folks!

Next movie up is Slugs: The Movie on New Year’s Day. Check out the calendar and past transcripts (provided by the ineffable CompulsoryAccount7746 as always) right here. Here. CLICK HERE. GODS JUST CLICK ALREADY.

@shethinkers: @MockTM Alright, I’m ready. How about you, @DirtyNerdy2 ?
2013-12-05 00:38:13
@lousycanuck: Are we all ready to mock the Indestructible Man, folks? @MockTM
2013-12-05 01:05:13
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Less than 10 minutes until the movie!
2013-12-05 01:53:01
@blakestacey: Gonna try to join in on the @MockTM event tonight. #sleepisfortheweak
2013-12-05 01:59:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM The Indestructible Man and his Big Band!
2013-12-05 02:00:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lon Chaney is The Indefensible Man.
2013-12-05 02:00:37
@szvan: @blakestacey @MockTM Yay! The mocking is always better with you joining in.
2013-12-05 02:00:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Featuring these poor souls lost in time like tears in rain
2013-12-05 02:01:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Jack Pollexfen? Isn’t that Latin for “Swamp Thumb”?
2013-12-05 02:01:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ahahaha. Lieutenant Dick Chasen? Tooooooo easy.
2013-12-05 02:01:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m Lieutenant Dick Chasen.” “And I’m snickering uncontrollably.”
2013-12-05 02:01:49
@pzmyers: @mocktm Ooooh. Jack Pollexfen? What a nice name.
2013-12-05 02:02:11
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Yay! Shitty movie time!
2013-12-05 02:02:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’re a fool, Butcher. Let me exposit at you to explain why.”
2013-12-05 02:02:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You tell me where the money is, I’ll see that you get your share OF ELECTROCUTION.”
2013-12-05 02:03:13
@szvan: @MockTM For all the name-calling I’ve received, no one’s ever called me “mouthpiece”.
2013-12-05 02:03:18
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Thank you, Mr. Exposition.
2013-12-05 02:03:47
@szvan: @MockTM Plot telegraphing!
2013-12-05 02:03:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Butcher must be really, really distraught to think there was three of that guy that was just talking to him.
2013-12-05 02:03:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Free Parking? Does that mean Butcher’s not in Jail, he’s Just Visiting?
2013-12-05 02:04:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Squeamy Ellis was squeamy about the whole affair.
2013-12-05 02:04:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM So…Butch is the hero, right? We’re supposed to empathize with him?
2013-12-05 02:04:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You see the headlines, Captain? Dewey Beats Nixon.”
2013-12-05 02:04:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Officially, you’re off the case. Unofficially, I”m putting you On the Edge.”
2013-12-05 02:05:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I headed for Eva Peron. She was crying for Argentina.”
2013-12-05 02:06:12
@pzmyers: @MockTM He “dropped by for dick”…are these innuendos intentional, I wonder…
2013-12-05 02:06:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I figured I might as well start with her. Because police work is hard.”
2013-12-05 02:06:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Actually, I’m from the confidential committee on moral abuses.”
2013-12-05 02:06:50
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM A detective who doesn’t take orders? Never seen that before…
2013-12-05 02:06:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I never knew anything about the money. I don’t even know what money IS, I’m such a flighty broad. Hee hee.”
2013-12-05 02:06:54
@Felix3333: @mocktm Hello! Joining with your mockery.
2013-12-05 02:06:57
@pzmyers: @mocktm if this movie were made in the 70s or later, this would be an opportunity for a gratuitous stripper scene.
2013-12-05 02:07:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Back in the day when men were men, hats were hats and newspapers were things a man could hide behind.
2013-12-05 02:07:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Can’t wait for the newsie on a street corner screaming “EXTRY! EXTRY!”
2013-12-05 02:08:02
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Speaking of strippers…
2013-12-05 02:08:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I feel so badly about Charles. If I’d have known, maybe I could have given him a roll in the hay before he died.”
2013-12-05 02:08:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Fifty dollars for six hundred thousand was not a bad day’s work. And thus the pyramid scheme was born.”
2013-12-05 02:10:04
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, all the ills that have happened in the name of curing cancer.
2013-12-05 02:10:23
@pzmyers: @MockTM never trust a guy named Paul. Crooks, all of ‘em.
2013-12-05 02:10:33
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM I didn’t find out until much later that it’s illegal to open someone else’s mail.
2013-12-05 02:10:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He’s in good shape, aside from having just been killed.”
2013-12-05 02:10:48
@pzmyers: @MockTM “He looks horrible — cover him up again, quick!”
2013-12-05 02:11:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Soon, a publication in a high Impact Factor journal will be MINE! ALL MINE!”
2013-12-05 02:11:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You mean we’re going to give him two hundred and eighty seven thousand volts?” “Yes, but the trick is, very low amperage.”
2013-12-05 02:11:39
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Abbie Normal?
2013-12-05 02:11:51
@pzmyers: @MockTM: Still looks dead.
2013-12-05 02:12:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM The science dials! They’re spinning!
2013-12-05 02:12:14
@szvan: @MockTM Wow, those capacitors sure are slow.
2013-12-05 02:12:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM They must be real scientists, with those spinning gauges and Jacobs ladders.
2013-12-05 02:12:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM: The dials…they say nothing! Nothing!
2013-12-05 02:12:52
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM He was already pretty famous. I mean, he stole SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!
2013-12-05 02:13:06
@szvan: @MockTM Because the cure for cancer is stimulating endless cell replication. No wonder he’s working in his basement.
2013-12-05 02:13:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, with six hundred thousand bucks, and inflation, they could rebuild him. Faster. Stronger. With more sciencey bits.
2013-12-05 02:13:47
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Surely an X-Ray machine is not the most efficient way of spotting a heartbeat…
2013-12-05 02:13:59
@pzmyers: @MockTM : His heart light is glowing. He’s a Neil Diamond fan!
2013-12-05 02:14:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Get some adrenalin from the supply room! And some amyl nitrate from my fun drawer!”
2013-12-05 02:14:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM They don’t build doctors to take a light shove these days, do they?
2013-12-05 02:14:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now, how does this go? Puttin…puttin’ on the Ritz…”
2013-12-05 02:15:11
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Reanimating a dangerous criminal, how did this go wrong?!
2013-12-05 02:15:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM An almost inconceivable amount of strength? That word… I do not think it means what you think it means.
2013-12-05 02:15:55
@pzmyers: @MockTM Vocal cords are so much more fragile than a brain.
2013-12-05 02:15:59
@szvan: @MockTM “Dr. Bradshaw’s experiment had created a brutal, mindless creature with the pre-existing nickname, ‘Butcher’.”
2013-12-05 02:16:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Careful. His reactions are violent.” “How do you explain this?” “Well, his name is Butcher, and he was executed by the state…”
2013-12-05 02:16:34
@pzmyers: @MockTM This zap made all of his tissues stronger, except for his vocal cords. OK. How convenient.
2013-12-05 02:16:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Strength scales linearly with number of cells. Yes, that makes sense.
2013-12-05 02:16:45
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM It’s okay, I’m a doctor!
2013-12-05 02:16:59
@pzmyers: @MockTM Lon Chaney didn’t want to have to memorize any lines, anyway.
2013-12-05 02:17:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Their next experiment should be on a naked mole rat.
2013-12-05 02:17:09
@pzmyers: @MockTM those cells must also be teeny tiny.
2013-12-05 02:17:38
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Each cell multiplied 1000 times…so he has cancer?
2013-12-05 02:17:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now, why did I just do that?”
2013-12-05 02:17:48
@CA7746: @MockTM And so began moe’s rampage.
2013-12-05 02:17:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The Man of Steel, If Steel Was Made Out Of Lots Of Tightly Packed Human Cells Which Are Mostly Water
2013-12-05 02:18:00
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Cells. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
2013-12-05 02:18:23
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM The rampage of nyuks and whoops will echo through the annals of history.
2013-12-05 02:18:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The Butcher didn’t know how he had been brought back to life, and realized he might have erred by killing the people responsible.”
2013-12-05 02:18:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I decided to stop playing detective and that I’d play doctor for a while instead.”
2013-12-05 02:19:19
@CA7746: @MockTM If he got lucky…
2013-12-05 02:19:36
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM He started thinking about L.A. As all monster made men do.
2013-12-05 02:19:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM innuendo factor seven
2013-12-05 02:20:16
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM It’s not fair to have strippers in a movie and not have any strip scene.
2013-12-05 02:20:28
@CA7746: @MockTM Nice of the restaurant to let him take that china tea cup.
2013-12-05 02:20:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Maybe we’re more human than anyone else. The rest of you are subhuman monsters.”
2013-12-05 02:20:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM “More human than human, that’s our motto.”
2013-12-05 02:20:52
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Not exactly dinner, but we can go back to my place and fuck.
2013-12-05 02:20:55
@lousycanuck: @TransAndGodless @MockTM You made yourself a date… Dick.
2013-12-05 02:21:11
@pzmyers: @MockTM he worked for an oil company, and then he decided to work for real money, so he joined the police force.
2013-12-05 02:22:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How’d you get yourself mixed up with someone like The Butcher?” “Well, you see, I was looking for a good pot roast one day.”
2013-12-05 02:22:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Inside of me, it’s not finished. It’s like an open case laid its eggs inside me.”
2013-12-05 02:22:45
@szvan: @MockTM Dude, she already told you she didn’t know what he did. But women, especially women who dance, lie, emirate?
2013-12-05 02:23:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Do all dates with this guy go this way? Interrogations? If so, he must get so much play.
2013-12-05 02:23:30
@pzmyers: @mocktm These boring backstories by boring characters are boring.
2013-12-05 02:23:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What about the burlesque house? How do you fit together?” “Like lock and key, wink wink nudge nudge.”
2013-12-05 02:23:48
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Does it matter that I missed the first 20 minutes?
2013-12-05 02:24:26
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM There’s too much damn exposition in this movie!
2013-12-05 02:24:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Los Angeles is for orphans.”
2013-12-05 02:24:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I kept playing tag with Lowe. Until he got tired and suggested we switch to Cops and Robbers.”
2013-12-05 02:24:36
@szvan: @MockTM So the writers wanted a stripper, but she couldn’t be a bad girl. That actor is too good for this role. Or this movie.
2013-12-05 02:24:40
@TransAndGodless: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM Trust me, you didn’t miss much. You know, murderer brought back to life but without neck bolts.
2013-12-05 02:25:05
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “explode in my favor” I don’t have too many things explode in my favor, in my face yes…
2013-12-05 02:25:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Any future business you have with this lowlife, you do it in YouTube comments where it belongs!”
2013-12-05 02:25:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You used to be the best torch man in town. Now you couldn’t light an oily rag on a stick if your life depended on it.”
2013-12-05 02:25:56
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM obviously i missed nothing by way of plot…
2013-12-05 02:25:59
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM That’s what movies are missing these days, foul-mouthed drunk old ladies.
2013-12-05 02:26:14
@szvan: @MockTM I think he thinks he’s whispering.
2013-12-05 02:26:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You used to be the best torch man in town. Now you can’t even get a gig opening for a real singer.”
2013-12-05 02:26:38
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM they’re so conspicuous
2013-12-05 02:27:12
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Isn’t this the same plot of Bad Santa, but with a reanimated criminal?
2013-12-05 02:27:16
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM where did that ring go??
2013-12-05 02:27:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He saw something else. An automobile. For the Butcher, that rang a bell. He’d seen some of them before.”
2013-12-05 02:27:40
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM NARRATOR!
2013-12-05 02:27:59
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM …and that’s when he entered…the twilight zone
2013-12-05 02:28:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Thrilling tire-changing action!
2013-12-05 02:28:38
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM It’s not like the three men are trying to run away from him. He’s already dead, right?
2013-12-05 02:28:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM GASP! HE KICKED HIM IN THE BUTT!
2013-12-05 02:28:48
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM y did he push her into that guy? and who was that guy?
2013-12-05 02:29:04
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM So is he trying to sell a car or a hooker?
2013-12-05 02:29:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Meanwhile, Elliot Ness and his men speed toward Capone’s hideout.
2013-12-05 02:29:33
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Anger makes him stronger!!!
2013-12-05 02:29:46
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM It’s all those extra cells in his body…
2013-12-05 02:29:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Squads were sent around the countryside. Stock footage was spliced in.”
2013-12-05 02:30:00
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Grandtheft Auto…in the 50’s
2013-12-05 02:30:15
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Stock footage!
2013-12-05 02:30:25
@szvan: @MockTM After all, only a maniac would help someone change a tire.
2013-12-05 02:30:29
@CA7746: @MockTM A maniac who climbs out the passenger side when he drives.
2013-12-05 02:30:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM LON CHANEY SMASH!!!
2013-12-05 02:30:34
@pzmyers: @MockTM Lon Chaney can’t act like a maniac. His range is limited to “wounded brute”.
2013-12-05 02:31:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM Thrilling fiddling-with-coat-sleeve action!
2013-12-05 02:31:32
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Uh, sir, that’s a shower nozzle.”
2013-12-05 02:31:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Intense report-reading action! Paperwork! Forms! In triplicate!
2013-12-05 02:32:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Huh, sucks to be those guys.”
2013-12-05 02:32:18
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM *puts on jacket* “Murderous rampages make me cold
2013-12-05 02:32:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM Running a mock? Isn’t that our job?
2013-12-05 02:32:53
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM How do they know it had no effect? They didn’t follow him to find out…
2013-12-05 02:33:05
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Damn, those reporters know more than the cops do!
2013-12-05 02:33:21
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM I’m pointing at this map! It’s important!
2013-12-05 02:33:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You and the rest of the force are on 24-hour duty. Amphetamine doughnuts are in the break room.”
2013-12-05 02:33:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Newspapers will have a field day. The mayor will have our heads. And he’s up for reelection. Generic cop trope number seven.
2013-12-05 02:33:34
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM they have a baby?
2013-12-05 02:33:41
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM the newspapers are already having a field day
2013-12-05 02:34:05
@CA7746: @MockTM Walter Matthau?
2013-12-05 02:34:11
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM What baby? Did I miss something?
2013-12-05 02:34:11
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “evil martin”??
2013-12-05 02:34:21
@szvan: @MockTM She didn’t know what he did for a living, but she recognizes bullet holes in clothing. Hmmmm.
2013-12-05 02:34:47
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Why is there a “School Days” poster in the whore house?
2013-12-05 02:34:51
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM nobody else could possibly ever fake a tattoo!
2013-12-05 02:35:14
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM You look different. Have you lost your vocal chords?
2013-12-05 02:35:24
@CA7746: @MockTM He makes his thinkin’ face again…
2013-12-05 02:35:33
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “These look like bullet holes” No my arms are just swiss cheese
2013-12-05 02:35:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The mention of fifty dollars triggered his hate.” FTFY, movie.
2013-12-05 02:35:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM She’s a main character, so she gets shoved onto something soft.
2013-12-05 02:35:54
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM he took all his steroids through the tongue, so he can’t talk anymore
2013-12-05 02:35:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He was saving Paul Lowe for last. With perhaps a sherbet to cleanse the palate in between.”
2013-12-05 02:36:19
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Is he killing her with his mind?
2013-12-05 02:36:33
@CA7746: @MockTM Uh, pay phones won’t take a $50.
2013-12-05 02:36:56
@pzmyers: @MockTM I dunno. I find it hard to be terrified by a guy who looks like Droopy Dog.
2013-12-05 02:37:03
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM He looks pretty relaxed for being in a murderous rage.
2013-12-05 02:37:27
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil? I’m doing a sketch of Frida Kahlo.”
2013-12-05 02:37:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Tell him wearing a pyramid on your head cures cancer. I’m NOT crazy!!!”
2013-12-05 02:38:00
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “can I borrow your eyebrow pencil? I wanna draw a scary face on this drunk man”
2013-12-05 02:38:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that’s one way to make your film…noir.
2013-12-05 02:38:05
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Not Squeenie Ellis!!!
2013-12-05 02:38:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What Squeamy actually believed was that he was in a movie with a credible premise.”
2013-12-05 02:38:37
@TransAndGodless: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM LMAO!
2013-12-05 02:38:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I just thought of something. I’ll let the narrator explain.”
2013-12-05 02:39:08
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Who in their right mind would use the name Squeemy?
2013-12-05 02:39:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM Does two women discussing a burlesque act count as a Bechdel pass? #askingforafriend
2013-12-05 02:39:19
@CA7746: @MockTM “Yowza!”
2013-12-05 02:39:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “These are Butcher Benton’s. And these are Eugene Tooms.”
2013-12-05 02:39:50
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Don’t worry Eva, I know how to take off my clothes. It’s not that hard.
2013-12-05 02:39:59
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM why did he have to narrate this part? They couldn’t have women converse with each other for too long!
2013-12-05 02:40:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Get over to the Follies and—well, let me finish my sentence before you go.”
2013-12-05 02:40:45
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Look, this movie passed the Bechdel Test!
2013-12-05 02:40:48
@lousycanuck: @TransAndGodless @MockTM Though they DID start talking, about work. Does that mean this passed the Bechdel test?!
2013-12-05 02:40:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Anyone suddenly thirsty for a PBR?
2013-12-05 02:41:04
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Said she was a friend of the Butcher’s. Said they were introduced by the Baker at her artisanal candle shop.”
2013-12-05 02:41:05
@pzmyers: @MockTM Identical twins do not have identical fingerprints.
2013-12-05 02:41:08
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “wacky dame” nobody believes her until a man says it’s true
2013-12-05 02:41:14
@CA7746: @MockTM Really? Thinkin’ about the fire escape now?
2013-12-05 02:41:21
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Meanwhile, a man walked across the street
2013-12-05 02:41:32
@szvan: @MockTM “He didn’t seem to be in any particular hurry. He just outpaced all the other pedestrians.”
2013-12-05 02:41:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “A fire escape. Where someone was unaccountably playing a saw.”
2013-12-05 02:41:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He then noticed the only exit from Squeemy’s apartment — a fire escape. Excluding the front door, or windows, I mean.”
2013-12-05 02:41:49
@CA7746: @MockTM Is he indestructible AND psychic then?
2013-12-05 02:42:03
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM *warbling* hotels
2013-12-05 02:42:08
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Also, I can kill you with my brain.
2013-12-05 02:42:17
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “take a shot before I die I guess”
2013-12-05 02:42:24
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM drinking always helps me climb down fire escapes
2013-12-05 02:42:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Can you guys move it? I’m supposed to stalk around a jury room at 3 o’clock.”
2013-12-05 02:43:03
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM gasp! a man on crutches!
2013-12-05 02:43:16
@pzmyers: @MockTM Quivering eyebags = rage. ACTING!
2013-12-05 02:43:32
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM He’s gonna jump!
2013-12-05 02:44:01
@CA7746: @MockTM I’ve got a sudden urge to play Stair Dismount now.
2013-12-05 02:44:09
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM People using public transit in L.A? Now I know this is a fictional story.
2013-12-05 02:44:13
@szvan: @MockTM How long can you stretch out the pursuit of a man on crutches for dramatic effect?
2013-12-05 02:44:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Your weapons are useless against me!”
2013-12-05 02:44:24
2013-12-05 02:44:37
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Hobble faster!
2013-12-05 02:44:48
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM I’m so crazy, I’ll throw a motherfucker at another motherfucker!
2013-12-05 02:45:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM Did he just pay his tab with a stack of Pogs?
2013-12-05 02:45:22
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM the dead cop reminded him of the next man on the list: another dead cop
2013-12-05 02:45:27
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Damn, that old lady’s still hitting the sauce!
2013-12-05 02:45:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Drink up and get out. That guy what’s tryin to rub you out never pays for his damages.”
2013-12-05 02:45:56
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM That’s what I call emotional drinking!
2013-12-05 02:45:59
@szvan: @MockTM The sad-looking quiet guy wandering around hunched over is slowly gaining my sympathy. Is that wrong?
2013-12-05 02:46:14
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM the way he walks around slowly reminds me of watching Jason stalk ppl…
2013-12-05 02:46:41
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM What kind of crazy killer walks with his hands in his pockets?
2013-12-05 02:46:57
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM He showed that phone who’s boss!
2013-12-05 02:47:19
@szvan: @MockTM This guy is trying to kill me! I know what I’ll do; I’ll visit all my usual hangouts!
2013-12-05 02:47:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Everyone, Paul’s coming. Shh, shh. Don’t ruin the surprise. Oh, this is gonna be the best birthday ever!!”
2013-12-05 02:47:38
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM IT’S A TRAP!
2013-12-05 02:48:09
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM He’s firing like a stormtrooper
2013-12-05 02:48:16
@pzmyers: @MockTM Squeamy is squeaming!
2013-12-05 02:48:22
@Felix3333: @mocktm The old school elevator is my favourite character so far.
2013-12-05 02:48:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Operator, get me the police. The police!! No, not the band!”
2013-12-05 02:48:40
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM why is that lady stalking all his kills?
2013-12-05 02:48:40
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM He’s not a very creative killer, is he?
2013-12-05 02:49:11
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “Just Squeamy” “Oh I don’t care about him”
2013-12-05 02:49:39
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM How many Squemies do you know?!
2013-12-05 02:49:44
@CA7746: @MockTM Dick gets some action from San Francisco
2013-12-05 02:49:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “A station wagon you say!!!”
2013-12-05 02:49:54
@Felix3333: @mocktm Deader than a mackerel! Can’t imagine why that phrase isn’t used more often.
2013-12-05 02:50:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Blast it, man!” “I hope to hear from Dwiggins!” Sometimes I like this movie despite itself.
2013-12-05 02:50:30
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM How are you not able to ID this guy? He’s not that hard to miss!
2013-12-05 02:50:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What happened then, miss? Please try to tell us.” “Well, some dude threw some other dude at me.”
2013-12-05 02:51:17
@CA7746: @MockTM I couldn’t make out the words, like heavy metal.
2013-12-05 02:51:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “A loud crash, like heavy metal. Or death metal. Yes, it was Scandinavian death metal!”
2013-12-05 02:51:21
@Felix3333: @mocktm ANOTHER report from a hysterical woman! They’re all over!
2013-12-05 02:51:23
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM *snap out of it you hysterical woman!”
2013-12-05 02:51:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Koy…aaaan….issssss….qaaaaat….siiiiiiiiii….”
2013-12-05 02:52:20
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Who can believe her? She’s a woman!
2013-12-05 02:52:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Don’t get physical! (Physical)”
2013-12-05 02:52:41
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “What’s it to you?” “I like Eva in the costume better!”
2013-12-05 02:53:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What shocked him most was the broadcast ID killer as The Butcher. None of the police reports were believable, but the radio was.”
2013-12-05 02:53:20
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Is that mistletoe over her crotch?
2013-12-05 02:53:27
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “He was last seen in the Hollywood area…in a strange place…called teh Twilight Zone”
2013-12-05 02:53:47
@TransAndGodless: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM She must be more confident when she’s in costume.
2013-12-05 02:53:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It was Charles! I saw the tattoo on his ass!”
2013-12-05 02:54:24
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Damn broads, always bitching about how their heels aren’t high enough.
2013-12-05 02:54:37
@Felix3333: @mocktm My heel is broken! She’d be great for Lon, she doesn’t talk much.
2013-12-05 02:54:44
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM No brother, he did have a cousin though…
2013-12-05 02:54:55
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM that was quite a pause b4 punching him
2013-12-05 02:55:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He’s somewhere in this city. We should nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
2013-12-05 02:55:17
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM It’s not like we’re supposed to Serve and Protect or anything…
2013-12-05 02:55:30
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM could it be that he faked his death or something?
2013-12-05 02:55:44
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Ha! Plays ghost, I get it!
2013-12-05 02:56:01
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “For a lawyer, you’re forgetting a very important point: we don’t give a fuck”
2013-12-05 02:57:46
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM where’s the stenographer?
2013-12-05 02:58:03
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “That’s just a risk we’ll have to take with your life”
2013-12-05 02:58:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. I, Paul Lowe, being of sound mind and body, hereby leave all my money to my cat Mittens.”
2013-12-05 02:58:32
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM I thought stenographers used a little typewriter, not a notebook.
2013-12-05 02:58:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM See what you get when you build a sewer?
2013-12-05 02:58:51
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM stop stalling time w/ your imminent death…now get out of here and be brutally murdered
2013-12-05 02:58:53
@szvan: @MockTM I hope his nose was zapped along with his vocal cords.
2013-12-05 02:59:07
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM “Start taking this down” What do you think he’s doing, asshole?
2013-12-05 02:59:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We scrambled all units and put out an APB on the sewer system. I reached out to my old contacts, the Ninja Turtles.”
2013-12-05 02:59:33
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Ninja Turtles?
2013-12-05 02:59:38
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “I Paul Lowe, of being of sound mind, hereby confess to being in The Goonies”
2013-12-05 02:59:39
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, *now* he’s wondering whether they can stop him. Way to think ahead, dude.
2013-12-05 02:59:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, we still haven’t heard from Dwiggins! STOP HOLDING OUT ON US, MOVIE
2013-12-05 02:59:54
@CA7746: @MockTM He eavesdrops, with his psychic face.
2013-12-05 02:59:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Special unit Guy Montag reporting.
2013-12-05 03:00:31
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Watch out for his squinty eyed stare though. That’s the most disturbing part.
2013-12-05 03:00:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Teenage Mutant Ninja G-Men / Teenage Mutant Ninja G-Men / Heroes in a Hat Band / Copper Power!”
2013-12-05 03:00:54
@pzmyers: @MockTM there go the twitchy eye bags again. He really needs to get those looked at.
2013-12-05 03:00:59
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Why don’t you do something useful instead of praying?
2013-12-05 03:01:17
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM nobody seems affected by the sewer smell…all part of the job I guess
2013-12-05 03:01:28
@szvan: @MockTM You’d think someone would have noticed how badly he stunk the first time he was arrested.
2013-12-05 03:01:30
@CA7746: @MockTM Above ground, Bane’s taken over the city by now.
2013-12-05 03:01:37
@blakestacey: @pzmyers @MockTM Oh, they’re getting looked at, all right.
2013-12-05 03:01:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The cells in his lower eyelids must have multiplied a thousand times!!!
2013-12-05 03:01:44
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM How can they see in the (very clean) sewer without flashlights?
2013-12-05 03:01:55
@pzmyers: @MockTM I just figured out how to kill him. This is Lon Chaney! Silver bullets!
2013-12-05 03:01:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “This is where we split up. Think of it like wandering backwards into a haunted house.”
2013-12-05 03:02:30
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Squinty eyes of death!
2013-12-05 03:02:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m so glad these sewers are so cavernous to cope with the mountains of effluence produced by San Franciscans.
2013-12-05 03:02:57
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM There’s ONE cop with a flashlight. Then they split up.
2013-12-05 03:03:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM Little-known fact: Dwiggins changed his name when he became a citizen. It used to be Dwerkmurkdigliebe.
2013-12-05 03:03:27
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Is that a fucking FLAMETHROWER?!
2013-12-05 03:03:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM The sewers of San Francisco…where everything smells of cheap weed and rotten kale juice.
2013-12-05 03:04:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, I just had a thought. Sewer gasses and a flamethrower might not be such a great combination. I’m just saying.
2013-12-05 03:04:15
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM I told you we should have stopped and asked for directions.
2013-12-05 03:04:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “FIRE BAAAAAD!”
2013-12-05 03:05:07
@CA7746: @MockTM Good thing the police had a few flame throwers lying around.
2013-12-05 03:05:11
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM his clothes didn’t even catch fire?
2013-12-05 03:05:25
@szvan: @MockTM Well, that’s one way to clean out the sewer.
2013-12-05 03:05:27
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “The Indestructable Clothes”
2013-12-05 03:05:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Scratch the bazooka and the flamethrower. Bring up the Death’s Head. Angle 25, power 400, no…”
2013-12-05 03:05:42
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Shooting a bazooka in a sewer? What could possibly go wrong?
2013-12-05 03:05:45
@szvan: @MockTM @DirtyNerdy2 They were zapped too!!!
2013-12-05 03:05:53
@CA7746: @MockTM His face melted. And then he got hit with the fire!
2013-12-05 03:06:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey I have an idea. Let’s take the things that hurt him, and do those again.
2013-12-05 03:06:08
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM if only they’d brought kryptonite
2013-12-05 03:06:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Forget it, Butcher. It’s Chinatown.”
2013-12-05 03:06:15
@TransAndGodless: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM Well, they were electrocuted too. Maybe their cells multiplied a thousand times as well.
2013-12-05 03:06:35
@DirtyNerdy2: @szvan @MockTM I don’t think flame throwers are supposed to “zap”
2013-12-05 03:06:42
@pzmyers: @MockTM “DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE”. Is that some subtle foreshadowing or what?
2013-12-05 03:07:11
@szvan: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM Shhhh.
2013-12-05 03:07:12
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “We got him in our sights, let’s slowly walk toward him”
2013-12-05 03:07:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Over on the other side of the building, Ballard and Topher are trying to get a wedge back from Alpha…
2013-12-05 03:07:15
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Go home Butcher. You’re drunk.
2013-12-05 03:07:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and you have burned so very brightly, Butcher.
2013-12-05 03:07:57
@szvan: @MockTM What is it a about monsters and acrophilia?
2013-12-05 03:08:11
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “Flame-throwers: Face-meltingly fun!”
2013-12-05 03:08:15
@CA7746: @MockTM Uh-oh. He’s seen Ernest Goes to Jail.
2013-12-05 03:08:33
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Look out! He’s very slowly getting away!
2013-12-05 03:08:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “No! Not the Heart Machine!”
2013-12-05 03:08:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh wow. By movie logic, now Chaney’s power level will be over 9000.
2013-12-05 03:08:52
@szvan: @MockTM I love how they’re instantly sure he’s dead.
2013-12-05 03:08:57
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “Let’s watch him use this heavy machinery for mischief”
2013-12-05 03:09:03
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, no! Now his cells will get even tinier!
2013-12-05 03:09:18
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM somehow electrocuting one man causes an explosion
2013-12-05 03:09:31
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Down in whoville they say, Butcher’s heart grew three sizes that day.
2013-12-05 03:09:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “She said she was a working girl and she’d been away from the job too long already.” “What a girl. Shame we had to arrest her.”
2013-12-05 03:09:46
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM the shock that originated the problem solved the problem! It’s just like homeopathy!
2013-12-05 03:09:48
@CA7746: @MockTM Holiday for me. And you get fired.
2013-12-05 03:10:37
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM The past 70 minutes seem like a bad dream.
2013-12-05 03:10:47
2013-12-05 03:10:48
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “I can’t believe it actually happened” “It didn’t, we stage the whole thing to gaslight you!”
2013-12-05 03:10:50
@szvan: @MockTM Which one is the movie monster, Dick?
2013-12-05 03:10:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “About an hour I got you fired.” “What? What did you do that for!?” “Because penis.”
2013-12-05 03:11:05
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM “I’ll have to give up hamburgers for steaks.” Oh darn.
2013-12-05 03:11:14
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Even if I wanted to say no I couldn’t. Because you got me FIRED!
2013-12-05 03:11:42
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM “I got you fired so you could be my slave wife! Haha! Now you’re trapped!”
2013-12-05 03:11:47
@Felix3333: @mocktm Just over an hour ago I got you fired! You can’t work when you’re married! Oh, ok, you’re not supposed to say no to a detective!
2013-12-05 03:12:12
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM how does one guy get somebody fired?? That’s what I wanna know.
2013-12-05 03:12:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM There was no giant, no monster, no thing called “Butcher” to be followed. Just a giant Whisky Tango Foxtrot to wash the movie down.
2013-12-05 03:12:48
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM I bet she was making more money as a hooker than he was as a cop.
2013-12-05 03:12:48
@DirtyNerdy2: @MockTM Answer: penis
2013-12-05 03:12:51
@Felix3333: @mocktm Well, as long as it ended happily for one Dick.
2013-12-05 03:13:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Next movie is New Years Day. We’ll be kicking 2014 off right with Slugs: The Movie.
2013-12-05 03:13:59
@szvan: @MockTM The most disappointing thing about this movie is that she didn’t abscond with the loot while they were all chasing the bad guy.
2013-12-05 03:14:12
@pzmyers: @MockTM Well, there was the horrible wicked Dick who married the stripper.
2013-12-05 03:14:24
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM Yay! This was fun. 🙂
2013-12-05 03:14:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The lesson from this movie: They tampered in God’s domain.
2013-12-05 03:14:44
@TransAndGodless: @MockTM The lesson from this movie: Cops are dicks.
2013-12-05 03:15:13
@lousycanuck: @TransAndGodless Well at least one cop but boy was he a Dick. @MockTM
2013-12-05 03:15:28
@Felix3333: @szvan @MockTM That would have been so much better. Indescribably better.
2013-12-05 03:15:43
@szvan: @Felix3333 @MockTM She should have left him holding her one good shoe. 🙂 And it would have required so few dialog changes.
2013-12-05 03:17:36

Mock The Movie: The Indestructible Man transcript

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