Mock The Movie: House of Evil transcript

This movie was obviously a labour of love — an attempt at true art, with lavish setpieces and expensive props at every turn. Or at least so I imagine, behind all the murky darkness we movie-watchers got to experience. Truly though, the experience of watching a mostly-black screen for an hour and a half was all worth it because of the brief glimpses we got of some absolutely epic muttonchops.

Visit the Mock The Movie page for transcripts shortly.

@ReasJack: @MockTM In this heat chilled white wine I think. Anyway reporting for mockery captain.
2013-09-12 00:50:23
@lousycanuck: . @MockTM is doing House Of Evil tonight. I’ve been there once. They were playing an Atlas Shrugged marathon.
2013-09-12 00:55:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm I want it known that I did not give permission to film this at my house.
2013-09-12 01:00:14
@pzmyers: @mocktm Also, THEY EDITED MY PART.
2013-09-12 01:00:43
@CA7746: @MockTM Well the soundtrack is horrifying. I’ll give it that.
2013-09-12 01:01:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Serenata Macabra. This is basically Extreme Horror Home Makeover.
2013-09-12 01:01:44
@ReasJack: @MockTM Spaghetti Westerns are one thing. I this Paella Horror?
2013-09-12 01:01:51
@pzmyers: @mocktm Hang on, there. Are they badmouthing fish? It was the birds, I’m sure.
2013-09-12 01:01:56
@szvan: @MockTM No! Not the the door handles!
2013-09-12 01:02:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh hey, they’re slowly approaching a door. Must be a Resident Evil loading screen.
2013-09-12 01:02:45
@pzmyers: @mocktm What, did they leave fingerprints in the sockets?
2013-09-12 01:02:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Look!” “What the? The virgin sacrifice crop shouldn’t be ready to pick yet!!”
2013-09-12 01:03:21
@CA7746: @MockTM Vultures had lain for hours in fields?
2013-09-12 01:03:44
@pzmyers: @mocktm I’m kinda groovin’ on Boris’s facial hair.
2013-09-12 01:04:46
@szvan: @MockTM All right. That’s the kind of medicine I can take.
2013-09-12 01:05:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The resolution of this movie makes those muttonchops look like gigantic tumors.
2013-09-12 01:05:20
@CultOfCourtney: @lousycanuck Aghhh totally forgot tonight was @MockTM . Know anywhere we can watch online?
2013-09-12 01:05:31
@lousycanuck: @CultOfCourtney @MockTM It’s free on Youtube!
2013-09-12 01:05:47
@szvan: @MockTM Human fingers leave such distinctive marks on missing eyeballs.
2013-09-12 01:05:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Budapest?” “Yes. It’s also a country.” “You’re making that up!”
2013-09-12 01:06:13
@CultOfCourtney: @lousycanuck @MockTM Joining soon
2013-09-12 01:06:43
@szvan: @MockTM This is the guy we’re supposed to believe is in perfect health?
2013-09-12 01:06:52
@pzmyers: @mocktm So if it’s personal, murdering women and chopping out their eyes is NOT the mark of a homicidal maniac. Noted.
2013-09-12 01:07:14
@ReasJack: @MockTM She had the look you want to know better?
2013-09-12 01:07:19
@CA7746: @MockTM Well, there was this mathemetician named Paul Erdos…
2013-09-12 01:07:45
@CA7746: @MockTM Legendary, but you’ve never heard of them. Hipster Gypsies. Hypsies if you will.
2013-09-12 01:07:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Evil Seed” is my Backstreet Boys cover band.
2013-09-12 01:07:58
@pzmyers: @mocktm This guy must not be NSA if he’s going to arrest people for eavesdropping.
2013-09-12 01:09:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m quite sure there are no birds living within a thousand kilometers from here. They can’t get through the energy shields!”
2013-09-12 01:09:03
@DrRubidium: @MockTM 8 min late. I doubt I’ve missed anything crucial
2013-09-12 01:09:05
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Good day”. “Good day.” I said “Good day, sir!”
2013-09-12 01:10:03
@szvan: @MockTM He seems nice.
2013-09-12 01:10:33
@ReasJack: @MockTM Yes, we’re going to play with this blondes hair with a knife without explaining who she is.
2013-09-12 01:10:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Luckily this mute woman with her eyes closed can serve as a convenient example dummy for the ear-cutting-off motion.
2013-09-12 01:10:50
@pzmyers: @mocktm It’s a bonus: the movie is so murkily digitized that the screen goes black at night. All I hear is gypsy violins.
2013-09-12 01:10:54
@CultOfCourtney: I’m taking part in @MockTM with @szvan, @lousycanuck, and @pzmyers! Join in the fun!
2013-09-12 01:11:16
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this dialogue is very well enunciated. Not well acted, but very well enunciated.
2013-09-12 01:11:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Moorhenge. It’s like Stonehenge, but further south.
2013-09-12 01:11:34
@pzmyers: @mocktm Mmm. Cheesy organ music. They spared no expense on the score.
2013-09-12 01:11:44
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “You’re making me feel awfully funny.” That’s the wine, m’dear. There’s probably a Shermer joke in there but I’m lazy tonight.
2013-09-12 01:12:15
@ReasJack: @MockTM What, you don’t trust uncle DEATHwald?
2013-09-12 01:12:29
@pzmyers: @mocktm Was that a stuffed bird? Mystery of the eyeballs explained: this is a revenge movie.
2013-09-12 01:12:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, dude, you’re just showboating with the violin.
2013-09-12 01:12:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM she’s got Barbarella hair, but this movie is set in the past? #cognitivedissonance
2013-09-12 01:13:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I watch this place while the master is away.”
2013-09-12 01:13:18
@CA7746: @MockTM Psst. I think the violinist is following us.s.
2013-09-12 01:13:36
@pzmyers: @mocktm I can’t blame the lady in the hat for reacting with so much distress to Boris’s organ playing.
2013-09-12 01:13:42
@CA7746: @MockTM In a dream? Yeah, it *does* look like someone closed their eyes.
2013-09-12 01:13:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Fedora?” “Fodor.” “Frodo?” “FODOR.” “Fungible?” “Okay, you’re trolling me now.”
2013-09-12 01:13:54
@pzmyers: @mocktm No, not THAT kind of organ.
2013-09-12 01:13:56
@ReasJack: @MockTM Did they use a whole 20 candles for the outdoor scenes?
2013-09-12 01:14:10
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM @lousycanuck HODOR? #GameOfThronesCrossover
2013-09-12 01:14:16
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m waiting for Frau Blucher to come strolling around the corner playing that violin
2013-09-12 01:14:43
@szvan: @MockTM Please do not leave your bags unattended.
2013-09-12 01:14:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Entertainment for this evening will be provided by Victor Borgia, on the organ.
2013-09-12 01:15:18
@CA7746: @MockTM This noise must be a test to see which heir snaps first.
2013-09-12 01:15:28
@ReasJack: @MockTM That’s stock footage of Phil Collins at an early Genesis audition.
2013-09-12 01:15:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Let’s see. Stuffed… stuffed… painted… old… yup, definitely creeped out now.”
2013-09-12 01:16:03
@pzmyers: @mocktm Boris shouldn’t be telling others that the years haven’t dealt kindly with them.
2013-09-12 01:16:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM Baboo!
2013-09-12 01:16:20
@ReasJack: @lousycanuck @MockTM Couples Skate. Couples Only.
2013-09-12 01:16:47
@DrRubidium: @MockTM anybody that keeps a pipe organ in their house is fucking creepy #protip
2013-09-12 01:16:50
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Am I the only one who is super jealous of her awesome hat? Nope? Just me? Okay.
2013-09-12 01:16:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM I jumped in 14:30 late. Kind of digging the chick in green, gotta say.
2013-09-12 01:16:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, you think you interrupted my music, what with your womanly flailing and destroying of priceless statues?”
2013-09-12 01:17:22
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM There’s green in this film?
2013-09-12 01:17:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “If you think the harmony is out of key, my dear, you’re correct: there’s nobody there.”
2013-09-12 01:18:03
@pzmyers: @mocktm Man, Boris is a really lousy host.
2013-09-12 01:18:09
@lousycanuck: @CultOfCourtney @MockTM Well, I’m digging the muttonchops, so there’s that.
2013-09-12 01:18:12
@CultOfCourtney: @lousycanuck @blakestacey @MockTM You can see twinges of it in the man’s lovely moustache.
2013-09-12 01:18:20
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Madame Rash? For realz?
2013-09-12 01:19:05
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “I would expect bankers to be better-dressed.” aka, GET A JOB YOU DIRTY HOBOS.
2013-09-12 01:19:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This must be my sweet dear baby cousin Julie.” “No.” “Rebecca?” “Nope.” “Cordelia?” “Yes, but also NO. Madam Rash.”
2013-09-12 01:19:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I am Torgo. At your service.”
2013-09-12 01:19:43
@ReasJack: @MockTM I thought it was EEEvor.
2013-09-12 01:19:49
@CA7746: @MockTM She lived within these walls. Have you read ‘The Cask of Amontillado’?
2013-09-12 01:20:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You have his eyes. Do you always keep them in that jar?”
2013-09-12 01:20:47
@DrRubidium: @MockTM sideburns is an asshole. When is he going to die horribly?
2013-09-12 01:20:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, I’m getting a very heavy Clue vibe off this scene. Insufficient Tim Curry!!
2013-09-12 01:21:39
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Homeboy with the pinstripes is rather dashing.
2013-09-12 01:21:48
@pzmyers: @mocktm Stay at a hotel with hunky dude, or stay in creepy old house with bitter ol’ Boris. I think Lucy did not choose wisely.
2013-09-12 01:22:06
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “Hodor! Make arrangements for suitable accomodations at once!”
2013-09-12 01:22:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If your host’s behaviour seems strange to you, it’s because it is. Just straight up weird. Seriously, Hugo. Smarten up.”
2013-09-12 01:22:42
@DrRubidium: @MockTM HOLY SHIT. The non-family member dude also stars in the soft-core porn shark movie ‘Tintorera’
2013-09-12 01:22:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Trogdor, let’s go.”
2013-09-12 01:23:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM This movie has some of the worst best dubbing I’ve ever experienced
2013-09-12 01:23:24
@szvan: @MockTM “Yes, I understand.” He doesn’t understand.
2013-09-12 01:23:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM “My bitterness comes from within.” Excuse me, off to update my Twitter bio
2013-09-12 01:23:51
@pzmyers: @mocktm OK, Mr Exposition, I think we get it. Crazy old Hugo hated eyeballs. Stop giggling now.
2013-09-12 01:23:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Moorhenge is yours. WHILE YOU LIVE!!! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.”
2013-09-12 01:24:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ll come for you tomorrow.” “Promise?”
2013-09-12 01:24:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He was one of the four brothers to carry on the traditional family vocation: blogging in a basement and subsisting on Cheetos.”
2013-09-12 01:25:28
@CA7746: @MockTM The family business? Awkward Taxidermy.
2013-09-12 01:25:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Chosen to carry on the traditional family vocation of sealing people in wine cellars.”
2013-09-12 01:25:59
@CultOfCourtney: @CA7746 @MockTM Ohhh I thought it was bad facial hair.
2013-09-12 01:26:00
@szvan: @MockTM “It brings about a strange behavior in its victims too.” “What sort of behavior?” “They giggle inappropriately.”
2013-09-12 01:26:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM “A shrinking of the brain…oh, yes, he was a Redditor.”
2013-09-12 01:26:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He saw eyes, eyes everywhere. On people’s faces, mostly.
2013-09-12 01:27:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You got basically none of the juice into the cup, dude. AIM.
2013-09-12 01:27:21
@pzmyers: @mocktm Excellent. Evil toys. It’s like Atheist Christmas!
2013-09-12 01:28:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is my favorite. It is called Anne Boelyn. It involves me beheading everyone.” “Sounds fun! Let’s!”
2013-09-12 01:28:15
@ReasJack: @MockTM Why does fodor have an american accent?
2013-09-12 01:28:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Toys? For children?” “Well, 20-something bronies, mostly.”
2013-09-12 01:28:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “They no longer have a feeling for the soil”. Well, break-ups are hard
2013-09-12 01:28:27
@CultOfCourtney: @lousycanuck @MockTM I bet his wife gets SUPER TIRED of finding random pee drippings everywhere.
2013-09-12 01:28:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm I see what’s evil about those toys. The squeaking would drive me mad.
2013-09-12 01:29:20
@CA7746: @MockTM Not much of a Horror or Mystery, but it certainly is dark.
2013-09-12 01:29:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ve said enough.” And thus the writers stop writing lines for this character ever again.
2013-09-12 01:30:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ve said enough!” “Um, no, not really?”
2013-09-12 01:30:04
2013-09-12 01:30:13
@pzmyers: @mocktm And the Oscar for best sound editing goes to…anything but this movie.
2013-09-12 01:30:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone answer “what do you want” with “a pony” and actually get one.
2013-09-12 01:30:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Filmed *inside* an actual cask of Amontillado.
2013-09-12 01:31:03
@ReasJack: @MockTM The toys act better than the humans.
2013-09-12 01:31:19
2013-09-12 01:31:32
@szvan: @MockTM I think the camera work is going for disorienting. I’m just getting nausea.
2013-09-12 01:31:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM May I advise not touching any of these so-called deadly toys? Because seriously, dude just said they can kill.
2013-09-12 01:31:45
@ReasJack: @MockTM I almost died of editing there.
2013-09-12 01:31:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM AAAAGH THE SQUEAKING
2013-09-12 01:32:51
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM I’d rather watch these creepy dolls over and over again than another second of a Jeff Dunham sketch.
2013-09-12 01:33:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM I think I can safely say that kings and maharajas ain’t got taste.
2013-09-12 01:33:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The secret of how to handle the toys will die with Mathias, but I have some ideas. Most of them involve fire.”
2013-09-12 01:33:37
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Are the creepy dolls gone? Can I open my eyes?!
2013-09-12 01:33:49
@pzmyers: @mocktm If Fodor’s dead, who’s going to write the travel guide?
2013-09-12 01:33:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I think I just saw a dude in medieval armor and a bullwhip in front of that foggy manor shot.
2013-09-12 01:34:10
@ReasJack: @MockTM Nothing bad will happen to the Mortwalds while Fodor is alive…aaah shit.
2013-09-12 01:34:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The secret of how to handle the toys will die with him…unless there’s a man page or a documentation wiki, I guess.”
2013-09-12 01:34:19
@pzmyers: @mocktm Wait. Getting stomped by horses is how the eyes get popped out?
2013-09-12 01:34:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @blakestacey Just try running it with the -? switch, I guess.
2013-09-12 01:34:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What is it?” “Sounds like a Duran Duran concert just started outside.”
2013-09-12 01:35:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dramatic music borrowed from Police Squad.
2013-09-12 01:36:30
@ReasJack: @MockTM We shouldn’t talk about it in front of the others….oh.
2013-09-12 01:36:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Frodo, my faithful. Why should it be he carrying the weight of the ring? Why?
2013-09-12 01:37:29
@ReasJack: @MockTM Didn’t Fodor say that nothing would happen as long as he was alive?
2013-09-12 01:37:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I think we both know that — ” “Yes, yes, I know.” “Oh, so you DO know.” “Yes.” “Good, good.”
2013-09-12 01:38:12
@DrRubidium: @MockTM have hipsters brought back gentlemen sashes back?
2013-09-12 01:38:13
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM After losing the mayoral race, Anthony Weiner started posing for paintings for Boris Karloff movies.
2013-09-12 01:38:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The servants are accustomed to these things.” “Eyes being plucked out? Really? That’s that common around here?” “Apparently.”
2013-09-12 01:38:54
@ReasJack: @CultOfCourtney @MockTM We have a winner
2013-09-12 01:39:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I advise you to lock yourself in your room.” “Yes, of course I will. …Wait. Why?”
2013-09-12 01:39:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah. And THAT’S why. Peeping toms gotta peep.
2013-09-12 01:40:54
@ReasJack: @MockTM Something evil and boring.
2013-09-12 01:41:08
@szvan: @MockTM Because what you want to do, when you think you might need to flee from servants, is take your clothes off.
2013-09-12 01:41:17
@pzmyers: @mocktm “What is the meaning of this?” Gestures vaguely in darkness to black object. “It means it’s dark out.”
2013-09-12 01:41:37
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there’s something evil about this place, but let’s take the time to make-out. AS YOU DO
2013-09-12 01:41:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m sorry I had to frighten you.” “Right, because you couldn’t have texted me first.”
2013-09-12 01:42:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Guys, the scene can’t be titillating if we can’t SEE it.
2013-09-12 01:42:42
@pzmyers: @mocktm Poisoning your fiance? MISANDRY.
2013-09-12 01:43:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “I could really use a torch.” ~ everybody in this fucking movie
2013-09-12 01:43:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, now we see how long that “I can take care of myself” lasted.
2013-09-12 01:44:07
@szvan: @MockTM Yeah, they get English juuuust fine.
2013-09-12 01:44:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Would you kindly tell them the meaning of THIS?” “It reads… hrrm arhrrm chrrhmrm…” “You can read it?” “I’m clearing my throat.”
2013-09-12 01:44:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What are you doing here?” “Being unconscious. It’s important, or I would stop. What are YOU doing here?”
2013-09-12 01:45:06
@ReasJack: @MockTM Wait. Was it morning just then?
2013-09-12 01:45:34
@pzmyers: @mocktm Man, I really hate those uncomfortable silences in a conversation, too. If only the clock would tick, or something.
2013-09-12 01:45:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this is why you always carry antidotes when travelling to a house of evil, homeboy
2013-09-12 01:45:44
@pzmyers: @mocktm “After an appropriate period of mourning…” What? 15 minutes? Let’s get this movie going.
2013-09-12 01:47:43
@CA7746: @MockTM Anybody wanna fix that? Anybody?
2013-09-12 01:47:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Will you please follow me?” … “…Take your time. He’s not going anywhere.”
2013-09-12 01:49:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the doctor looks like a young Colonel Sanders. Before he ate all that friend chicken.
2013-09-12 01:49:30
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “This dude died. Please follow me.” Umm… no…?
2013-09-12 01:49:34
@ReasJack: @MockTM What. Who wouldn’t look?
2013-09-12 01:49:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “There will be an immediate funeral.” *hucks dirt on body*
2013-09-12 01:49:49
@szvan: @MockTM Reel change!
2013-09-12 01:50:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay. It’s been ten seconds. Are you done mourning yet?”
2013-09-12 01:50:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What the? There’s nothing under this sheet but pillows!”
2013-09-12 01:51:08
@ReasJack: @MockTM Somebody rip that violin out his hands and break it please?
2013-09-12 01:51:19
@pzmyers: @mocktm Appropriate period of mourning=about 5 minutes after the funeral. Time to play with dolls!
2013-09-12 01:51:22
@szvan: @MockTM Good thing the family all brought their mourning clothes.
2013-09-12 01:51:40
@CA7746: @MockTM I’m sure that’s the last we’ll see of the round squiggle room.
2013-09-12 01:52:11
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Ladies went little too tulle crazy
2013-09-12 01:52:20
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Visiting Madame Tussaud’s wax museum seems like an odd choice of activity immediately following your friend’s death.
2013-09-12 01:52:21
2013-09-12 01:53:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh. A dancing sheik. How… QUAINT. Hello, Sheik.”
2013-09-12 01:53:27
@pzmyers: @mocktm Guy watches creepy doll dance. “I’ll be in my room.” Jayne, is that you?
2013-09-12 01:53:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Try it. Like this.” “Ooooh, hahahaha, it feels like a solid!”
2013-09-12 01:54:12
@CultOfCourtney: @mocktm “You were out of step, my dear.” Who the hell do you think you are, Nigel Lythgoe?
2013-09-12 01:55:00
@szvan: @MockTM Um, dude, aren’t you two relatives?
2013-09-12 01:55:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Do you expect me to dance?” “No, Mrs. Bond, I expect you to DIE.”
2013-09-12 01:55:14
@szvan: @MockTM “What do I do now?” “Now you die!”
2013-09-12 01:55:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM toy master has GOT to go
2013-09-12 01:55:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Stop the thing!” “There is no way!” *it stops* “Scratch that. There’s a way apparently.”
2013-09-12 01:56:27
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Well that sucks, but HONESTLY. Who leaves working toy cannons on their night stand. Sheesh.
2013-09-12 01:56:41
@ReasJack: @MockTM Well that was mercifully quick.
2013-09-12 01:57:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Did you get frightened?” “Less frightened than jostled, shaken, stirred and frappeed.”
2013-09-12 01:57:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM Pretty wicked RISK set.
2013-09-12 01:57:40
@pzmyers: @mocktm Make the overacting stop! Stooooop!
2013-09-12 01:57:47
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “There’s some sort of hoax going on here, I’ve expected it from the start.” Well aren’t you just clever.
2013-09-12 01:57:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I can’t wait to see how the toy dredel kills someone.
2013-09-12 01:58:29
@ReasJack: @MockTM Nobody’s gonna die. It’s just All Skate.
2013-09-12 01:59:08
@CA7746: @MockTM Now an organist is following them too!?
2013-09-12 02:00:05
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “The organist is coming from inside the house!”
2013-09-12 02:00:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That music! It’s the same that Mathias played last night! No… NOO… SOMEONE HAS A TAPE RECORDER!!! *bawls*
2013-09-12 02:00:41
@CA7746: @MockTM C’mon, vampire…
2013-09-12 02:01:18
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Seriously, make it stop. The pipe organ is totally a downer.
2013-09-12 02:01:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “She collapsed. From the music, it seems.” “No, I’m a doctor, from what I can tell it’s all the blacktar heroin she’s shot up.”
2013-09-12 02:02:44
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM LOL
2013-09-12 02:03:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM THE BLACK SPOT.
2013-09-12 02:03:33
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Actual screenshot from this movie. Wut.
2013-09-12 02:03:36
@CA7746: @MockTM Just pretend this is a radio drama… without the drama.
2013-09-12 02:04:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What are you doing? There’s no-one.” “No kidding… it’s pitch black here.”
2013-09-12 02:04:08
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM Say what you will about this creepy-ass house, but that is some sweet brown and cream wallpaper.
2013-09-12 02:04:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I swear the voice actor just pulled a William Shatner
2013-09-12 02:04:52
@CA7746: @MockTM Sure. Leave those papers under the drip.
2013-09-12 02:05:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh. This will just contains a request that each of us die in a toy-related accident. Okay then. Will fulfilled!”
2013-09-12 02:05:30
@ReasJack: @MockTM I’m not worried about him. Are YOU worried about him?
2013-09-12 02:05:45
@szvan: @MockTM You know, I don’t make him as that good a shot even six inches away.
2013-09-12 02:06:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Conveniently, shooting at the lock mechanism caused the bullet to mold to the tumblers and open the lock.
2013-09-12 02:06:19
@szvan: @MockTM “Don’t you think we should stay together? This is like a bad horror movie!”
2013-09-12 02:07:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM What the what? We’re listening to creepy toy master? Really? REALLY?!
2013-09-12 02:07:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t you think we should stay together?” “Not if we’re following the horror movie trope handbook, I don’t.”
2013-09-12 02:07:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Waiting to see how this guy gets killed by a swingset.
2013-09-12 02:08:28
@CA7746: @MockTM And… he lets go, so it’ll smack him in the face.
2013-09-12 02:09:07
@ReasJack: @MockTM Something fishy’s going on here. I know. I’ll crank up the well bucket.
2013-09-12 02:09:55
@ReasJack: @MockTM No No No. That’s Polka. I HATE Polka.
2013-09-12 02:10:22
@pzmyers: @mocktm I’m out of wine. I don’t think I can watch this anymore.
2013-09-12 02:10:32
@CultOfCourtney: @pzmyers @MockTM You clearly did not prep well enough, sir.
2013-09-12 02:10:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why the fuck would anyone go in the creepy toy room?!
2013-09-12 02:12:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, she’s getting squeaked to death.
2013-09-12 02:12:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Act 4. Nothing much happens.
2013-09-12 02:13:25
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM I got up to refill my beer and THE EXACT SAME THING was happening as when I left.
2013-09-12 02:14:19
@pzmyers: @mocktm Just like acts 1-3? At least it’s consistent. RT @lousycanuck @MockTM Act 4. Nothing much happens.
2013-09-12 02:14:58
@DrRubidium: @MockTM not one can of oil in the motherfucking castle? Not one?!
2013-09-12 02:15:28
@CA7746: @MockTM 105 years before BigDog, androids were waaay less adroit.
2013-09-12 02:15:41
@ReasJack: @MockTM Barnabas? Barnabas?
2013-09-12 02:16:14
@pzmyers: @mocktm Strangled…with a halberd? What a waste.
2013-09-12 02:16:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, the toys are trying to frame people now? That IS devious.
2013-09-12 02:16:45
@CA7746: @MockTM So can they hear THAT organ music?
2013-09-12 02:17:19
@pzmyers: @mocktm I just realized…that whole eye thing? They just kind of forgot about it, didn’t they?
2013-09-12 02:17:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @pzymers Nah, the toys were poking at the other toys’ eyes, foreshadowing that that’s what they were trying to do to our hero.
2013-09-12 02:18:38
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, that’s what the pipe organ is for, to cover up the squeaking.
2013-09-12 02:18:45
@ReasJack: @MockTM Damn. Was that toy insured.
2013-09-12 02:19:05
@pzmyers: @mocktm “I want to get out of here, anything could happen.” It won’t. Don’t worry.
2013-09-12 02:19:29
@szvan: @MockTM We can tell she’s not going to die. No organ.
2013-09-12 02:20:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM At least she’s getting pretty good at dodging the immediate attacks, but it doesn’t look as though she’s even trying to flee.
2013-09-12 02:20:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM OK, back from retrieving my laundry. Did I miss anything?
2013-09-12 02:21:30
@CultOfCourtney: @blakestacey @MockTM Literally nothing.
2013-09-12 02:21:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why you stopping? GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.
2013-09-12 02:21:52
@pzmyers: @mocktm “We shall try to save you. It’s a fatal wound.” That makes no goddamn sense.
2013-09-12 02:22:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “And then the organ played –” DUNNN “– yes, like that.”
2013-09-12 02:22:27
@CultOfCourtney: @pzmyers @MockTM Like this movie.
2013-09-12 02:23:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, good, she’s recapping what I missed.
2013-09-12 02:23:45
@pzmyers: @mocktm No man with a robe that natty can be mad!
2013-09-12 02:24:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If these are intricate clockwork machines, theoretically a bullet or two should mangle them to the point of incapacity.
2013-09-12 02:24:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, I think Kirk and friends got locked up in here in a couple TOS episodes.
2013-09-12 02:24:58
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “It’s a mold. For a wax dummy.” DID I NOT CALL MADAME TUSSAUD’S?
2013-09-12 02:25:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s no use. You said yourself the wound was fatal. What are you, pre-med?”
2013-09-12 02:25:10
@ReasJack: @MockTM What’s missing? (plot).
2013-09-12 02:25:33
@szvan: @MockTM “What did he say?” “He said, ‘Beware the squeaking!'”
2013-09-12 02:25:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM let’s not drag this death scene out #wrapitup
2013-09-12 02:25:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I don’t know, it was in Erdish.” “You mean Yiddish?”
2013-09-12 02:25:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This dashing main character is looking more and more like Bruce Campbell.
2013-09-12 02:26:48
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that’s a pretty sweet robe
2013-09-12 02:27:13
@pzmyers: @mocktm Man, that’s some bad organ playing…it’s bringing down the whole house.
2013-09-12 02:28:00
@pzmyers: @mocktm That kind of ambled to a murky anti-climax, didn’t it?
2013-09-12 02:29:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Joke’s on you, crazy old guy. I don’t believe in souls. OR fire.”
2013-09-12 02:30:09
@CA7746: @MockTM Finally some light!
2013-09-12 02:30:09
@ReasJack: @MockTM Well, that’s a denoument if I ever saw one.
2013-09-12 02:30:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM okay, I’m impressed by the pipe organ now that makes fire
2013-09-12 02:30:49
@CultOfCourtney: @MockTM “Poor Matthias. He became a victim of his insanity.” More like we all became victims of this movie.
2013-09-12 02:31:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We can survive in the fire swamp quite comfortably.”
2013-09-12 02:31:25
@CA7746: @MockTM The will said, “I am leaving it as I found it. Take over. It’s yours.”
2013-09-12 02:31:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Let’s get out of here.” — Every sane movie viewer, about an hour and a half ago.
2013-09-12 02:32:20
@blakestacey: @pzmyers @MockTM that’s what SHE said
2013-09-12 02:32:38
@CultOfCourtney: @blakestacey @pzmyers @MockTM MISANDRY
2013-09-12 02:33:05
@ReasJack: @MockTM I have a headache from trying to tell what was going on in the dark.
2013-09-12 02:33:18
@blakestacey: @CA7746 @lousycanuck @MockTM +1
2013-09-12 02:33:29
@lousycanuck: @ReasJack @MockTM The answer is nothing. Nothing happened.
2013-09-12 02:33:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, this re-enforced my rule against creepy ass robot toys
2013-09-12 02:34:35
@szvan: @MockTM It almost would have saved the movie if she’d turned out to be the evil one after all. Almost.
2013-09-12 02:38:36

Mock The Movie: House of Evil transcript

One thought on “Mock The Movie: House of Evil transcript

Comments are closed.