Mock The Movie: The Yesterday Machine transcript

Last night’s Mock The Movie, surprisingly, delivered Nazis and a time machine, and a number of snappy tunes. It did not, however, deliver on murders, the intricacies of time travel (every major character was apparently fully aware of and unaffected by the timeline manipulation), or anything resembling science, despite a twenty minute dissertation by Nazi Scientist Antagonist. Nor did it place any of the snappy tunes appropriately to the action.

Oh well. All the better to mock!

Subtitle file is here. As always, save as in the same folder as the movie, and VLC will use it automatically. Thanks CompulsoryAccount7746!

@lousycanuck: Remember folks, @MockTM tonight will involve time travel and Nazis, but will sadly contain no Time Lords. Join us anyway, at 9pm EST!
2012-11-15 22:40:21
@blakestacey: In other news, I have just passed through a phase transition of black-cherry lambicity. Prepping for @MockTM.
2012-11-16 01:42:29
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM I see your PhD was well worth it, Mr. Stacey. #halflife
2012-11-16 01:46:20
@szvan: I have a rusty nail and a majorette queued up on YouTube. Ready for @MockTM to start.
2012-11-16 01:54:00
@DrRubidium: @szvan I have a whiskey sour and I ready for @MockTM
2012-11-16 01:55:52
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM Your first? 😀
2012-11-16 01:57:59
@blakestacey: Candy, lambic, headphones… I’m feeling prepared. Let’s do this. Follow @MockTM to see my tweets for the next hour and change.
2012-11-16 01:58:44
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM yep, though something tells me a few would make this movie better 😀
2012-11-16 01:59:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Look at my torso…you are getting veeerry sleeepy…”
2012-11-16 02:00:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, everybody do The Twist again, like you did last time you broke down on the road.
2012-11-16 02:01:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well hell-o Cleveland!
2012-11-16 02:01:06
@szvan: @MockTM It’s the tassels on the boots, really.
2012-11-16 02:01:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is the baton twirling a metaphor? Cause if not, it’s just annoying.
2012-11-16 02:01:22
@szvan: @MockTM I see. She twirls the baton to keep warm.
2012-11-16 02:01:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM I love high-school girls. I get older and they stay the same age…about 30 in this case.
2012-11-16 02:01:58
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this is the WORST dubbing I have ever heard
2012-11-16 02:02:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is like Lostville.” “No, this is more like Absentia. Or maybe Nowheretown.”
2012-11-16 02:02:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “This is like LOSTville. We’d better watch out for Hilary the smoke-monster.”
2012-11-16 02:02:39
@szvan: @MockTM I think they dubbed this from English to English…which makes me wonder how bad the original English was.
2012-11-16 02:02:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It’ll be shorter through those woods. Because shortcuts have worked out so well for us so far tonight!”
2012-11-16 02:02:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, the mellow jazz of doom.
2012-11-16 02:03:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Doom doom doom doom-doom…
2012-11-16 02:03:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Take (1) a short-cut that leaves you (3) stranded AND (3) go into the woods #horrormovietrifecta
2012-11-16 02:03:30
@szvan: @MockTM Look, honey. I thought a dead battery in the flashlight would be…convenient.
2012-11-16 02:03:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “And your acting is so stiff and wooden.” “Ah, my servos aren’t working. Batteries are down and I forgot to replace ’em.”
2012-11-16 02:03:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
2012-11-16 02:03:41
@DrRubidium: @MockTM SWEET CHRIST ON A CRACKER! This is a beatnik horror movie
2012-11-16 02:03:56
@szvan: @MockTM How can I tweet if the soundtrack keeps me snapping along?
2012-11-16 02:04:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Bets on what the T on that sweater stands for? Tool? Thirty-seven?
2012-11-16 02:04:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Seems like we’ve been walking for hours!” “I know! Let’s stop here and heavily pet!”
2012-11-16 02:04:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, now, don’t point that thing at us, it could go off.” Bow chicka wow wow.
2012-11-16 02:05:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You edge around behind me, then twirl to distract them.”
2012-11-16 02:06:07
@szvan: @MockTM Run, Margie! I’ll tackle him then leave him with his gun!
2012-11-16 02:06:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Sigh. Gunned down by Cletus the Off-Screen Yokel.
2012-11-16 02:06:37
@agolas: @blakestacey @MockTM “Tackle,” apparently!
2012-11-16 02:06:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Marjie? Marjie? I seem to have lost you sometime around when we were both shot by Nazis.”
2012-11-16 02:06:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why run back to the car that isn’t working?
2012-11-16 02:07:00
@szvan: @MockTM After the intro music, this scene is a real drag, man.
2012-11-16 02:07:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Someplace I won’t be reached by telephone, teletype, television, telekinesis, televangelism, or Telly Savalas.”
2012-11-16 02:08:23
@DrRubidium: @MockTM This is the first beatnik horror movie I’ve ever seen. It’s out of sight, man.
2012-11-16 02:08:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Leer factor seven!
2012-11-16 02:08:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He’s busy finding out who stole all those cats.”
2012-11-16 02:09:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM That kid was shot twice and he survives? Those guys were crap shots.
2012-11-16 02:09:17
@szvan: @MockTM Oh. Oh! Now I understand why all those assholes think talking like that works. They saw this movie.
2012-11-16 02:09:41
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Ego-ectomy” is my new favorite thing
2012-11-16 02:10:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @DrRubidium Yeah, it’s the real bees’ knees, man! *snap snap snap*
2012-11-16 02:10:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Harlan Ellison? In a shooting scrape? … not so surprised.
2012-11-16 02:10:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Soda? Vicodin?”
2012-11-16 02:11:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, I could take a vacation to the bottom of a bottle right now…”
2012-11-16 02:12:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there is a shocking lack of turtlenecks in this beatnick flick
2012-11-16 02:12:26
@szvan: @MockTM Ellison is a student at the university in his eighteenth year…
2012-11-16 02:12:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well early this afternoon, they took a shortcut through Nazi-occupied Wisconsin.”
2012-11-16 02:13:01
@szvan: @MockTM Horror lesson #12: There are no shortcuts on farm roads.
2012-11-16 02:13:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM “They left the university and took a shortcut through the valley of the shadow of death…”
2012-11-16 02:13:24
@agolas: @MockTM Apparently the best reporters don’t need to take notes
2012-11-16 02:13:40
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so, the kids got shot by Revolution War era soldiers? Was that a musket?!
2012-11-16 02:14:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Sometimes I’m forced to alter my opinion by evidence. The Republicans hate that and call me a flip-flopper.”
2012-11-16 02:14:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Some times, I’m forced to change my opinion based on how drunk I am.”
2012-11-16 02:14:38
@szvan: @MockTM That’s not a mini-ball. It’s a very, very small ribbed dildo.
2012-11-16 02:15:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’ll have to dig a long way through the ballistics file. That’s a throwin’ rock.”
2012-11-16 02:15:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “So, we’ve got murderous re-enactors on the loose.”
2012-11-16 02:15:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Holy shit. This movie explains the current GOP. Fucking Confederates with time machines.
2012-11-16 02:15:39
@szvan: @MockTM Swivel cam!
2012-11-16 02:15:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Male Gaze factor 8.
2012-11-16 02:15:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this is a swinging party, daddy-o. Where are those crazy Nazi scientists?
2012-11-16 02:16:25
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, honey. Keep some tension in those hands as you dance.
2012-11-16 02:16:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Go on away and leeeave me alone…” “OK.”
2012-11-16 02:17:32
@szvan: @MockTM Don’t care whether you live or die? Have we got a role for you!
2012-11-16 02:17:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It ended when you signed the restraining ordeeeeeeer.”
2012-11-16 02:17:58
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Sanda the singer is stoned
2012-11-16 02:18:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM Settle in for some classic vintage padding-by-song…
2012-11-16 02:18:05
@szvan: @MockTM Would someone care to explain to her how a microphone works?
2012-11-16 02:18:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “my dreams all explode in my face” Dreamkkake?
2012-11-16 02:18:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Comin’ down with the sorrows coz I just told my baby the restrainin’ order prevents me from being 100 yards from youuuuu”
2012-11-16 02:18:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Not drinking on duty? Hey, the doctors do it — go ahead!
2012-11-16 02:19:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Undoing her dress, more male gaze ahoy!
2012-11-16 02:19:58
@DrRubidium: @MockTM accorder to Mama Rubidium, Sandra’s hairstyle is only possible with Aquanet & a foam cap
2012-11-16 02:20:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Have you heard from your sister recently?” “Who?”
2012-11-16 02:20:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Are you decent?” “Slightly sleaze-coated, why do you ask?”
2012-11-16 02:20:41
@szvan: @MockTM Maybe you’d better sit down and let me loom from 12 inches away.
2012-11-16 02:20:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I wonder if this movie is dubbed because they lost the sound reel? There’s a story here…
2012-11-16 02:21:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Maybe you better sit down so I can repeat the plot AGAIN…”
2012-11-16 02:21:10
@szvan: @MockTM Did he always have a southern accent or is that new?
2012-11-16 02:21:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, a Walter Winchell reference. That’s dating a film for ya.
2012-11-16 02:21:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Miss Damar? I’m Jim Crandall. Have you heard the good news about Reverand Moon?”
2012-11-16 02:22:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM we’re 20+ minutes in and there are NO NAZIS. OR TIME MACHINES
2012-11-16 02:22:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s 1am. And I’m not a fucking cab service. Also, who the hell are you?”
2012-11-16 02:22:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Let’s see, how do I top getting into a car with a strange man…I know! Ask him to drive me into a deserted forest!”
2012-11-16 02:23:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Yeah, hard to find a cab in the middle of…day-for-night.
2012-11-16 02:23:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Evening ma’am.” “Has there been any news of my sister?” “I’ve seen bears do things even a bear wouldn’t do.” “uh.. what?”
2012-11-16 02:24:21
@DrRubidium: @MockTM It was 1am. Then it was daytime. Now it’s night. Consistency, B movie, consistency!
2012-11-16 02:24:29
@CarlieP: @MockTM I had to reboot my computer – what minute are you on now?
2012-11-16 02:24:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Those terrible dogs. Oh Jim. They make me horny.”
2012-11-16 02:24:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Oh, Jim!” “Uh, you just met me like 20 minutes ago.”
2012-11-16 02:25:21
@lousycanuck: @CarlieP @MockTM 25:25
2012-11-16 02:25:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, the days when you could schlep evidence around in paper grocery bags…
2012-11-16 02:26:35
@szvan: @MockTM “How many southern accents do we have on the lot?” “About enough for half a cast.” “Eh, that’ll do.”
2012-11-16 02:26:36
@CarlieP: @lousycanuck @MockTM Thanks!
2012-11-16 02:26:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The dogs got about halfway through the open space. Then they stopped. And they started dancing, Gangnam style.”
2012-11-16 02:26:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, so this movie is actually set in THE FUTURE.
2012-11-16 02:27:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Am I the only one hoping there’s a showdown between Confederates & Nazis? #moardeaths
2012-11-16 02:28:08
@szvan: @MockTM I want to get paid to put jigsaw puzzles together!
2012-11-16 02:28:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m not paid to have opinions. I’m paid to put jigsaw puzzles together. Then glue ’em and hang ’em on a wall. It’s a living.”
2012-11-16 02:28:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “She’s spending the night with her girlfriend. By Gad, I wish I could watch.” #cheapshotsImakethem
2012-11-16 02:28:23
@agolas: @MockTM “I’m paid to put together jigsaw puzzles. It’s actually a pretty cushy gig.”
2012-11-16 02:28:43
@rvitelli: @DrRubidium @MockTM Once the time machine is operational, they’ll appear in the movie five minutes ago.
2012-11-16 02:28:50
@szvan: @MockTM “It’s a nice theory, but what happened to the girl?” “Eh, she’s a girl. Who cares?”
2012-11-16 02:28:51
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Damn historical re-enactors with their actually shooting people!
2012-11-16 02:28:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It’s spooky. It reminds me of something I saw in my days on the X-Files.”
2012-11-16 02:29:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So they liberated a Nazi spa?
2012-11-16 02:29:21
@DrRubidium: @MockTM finally, Nazis! Let’s get this going. #moardeaths
2012-11-16 02:30:14
@szvan: @MockTM This is the part we could never understand…how we all ended up signing a contract after reading the script.
2012-11-16 02:30:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow. This is one convenient back story delivery system.
2012-11-16 02:30:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Experiments in what the hell? Temporal scrambling or some shit?
2012-11-16 02:31:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM “His name was Herr Doktor Ernst von Evil.”
2012-11-16 02:31:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Damn you, Ernst von Hauser! Fucking, physicists!
2012-11-16 02:31:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How are we ever going to get the audience buy a backstory like that?” “That’s your problem.”
2012-11-16 02:32:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “No, man, they don’t give Pulitzers for crazy. Get the hell off this line.”
2012-11-16 02:32:39
@CarlieP: @MockTM Side note:a really good Nazi time travel movie is Tomorrow I’ll Wake Up And Scald Myself With Tea. 1970s Czech.
2012-11-16 02:32:40
@szvan: @MockTM “Give me the city desk…. Ray? Yeah, I need that vacation way more than I thought I did. You’ll never believe what I just heard.”
2012-11-16 02:32:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Pultizer? Slow down there, reporter fellow.
2012-11-16 02:32:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Thrilling Research Action!!!
2012-11-16 02:33:09
@CarlieP: @MockTM He’s discovered time travel is possible, and all he thinks of is winning an award?
2012-11-16 02:33:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yes, Gone With the Wind, the epic time travelling Nazi tale.
2012-11-16 02:33:40
@CarlieP: @MockTM “It’s buggin’ me out of my skull” might be my new catch phrase.
2012-11-16 02:34:25
@szvan: @MockTM “Hello, Jim.” “Good morning, Sandy.” “Hush! He’ll figure out what we did last night!”
2012-11-16 02:34:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hi, Sandy. You look less like a cheap floozy in this light.”
2012-11-16 02:34:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Would you mind if I went with you?” “Yes, I enjoy your company in bed. Well I’m in bed, and you’re not. FOR NOW.”
2012-11-16 02:35:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ll bring some magazines. Guns & Ammo, Physical Review B, you know.”
2012-11-16 02:35:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Gee thanks Mr. Crandell. Could you also pick up Shonen Jump and DOS Resource Guide?”
2012-11-16 02:35:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Sanda, honey, ditch the heels from some boots. Unless you’re the stupid bitch that’s gonna die soon…
2012-11-16 02:36:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s toe-tappingly tedious!
2012-11-16 02:36:28
@szvan: @MockTM “Looks like the typical haunted house, doesn’t it, Jim?” “Yeah. Think we should learn anything from that?” “I don’t see why.”
2012-11-16 02:36:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Looks like the typical haunted house, huh?” “No, there weren’t any bats flying out when we approached. And it’s broad daylight.”
2012-11-16 02:36:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Looks like the typical haunted house, doesn’t it Jim?” (that a clue, Sanda, to get the FUCK out of there)
2012-11-16 02:37:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM Man, I love cinematography which obscures the hero behind trees AND in shadow SIMULTANEOUSLY.
2012-11-16 02:37:49
@CarlieP: @MockTM Don’t they know not to split up before going into a haunted house?
2012-11-16 02:37:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hi-keeba!
2012-11-16 02:38:37
@szvan: @MockTM “We need a fight choreographer!” “I think the guy from Batman is available.”
2012-11-16 02:38:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bink! Paf! Mint! Zoink!
2012-11-16 02:38:46
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I had no idea there was going to be a dance number in this thing. Oh, that’s a fight?
2012-11-16 02:38:48
@CarlieP: @MockTM That is an interesting choice for fight music.
2012-11-16 02:39:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now stand up so I can punch you some more! Ha! Now we shall leave without asking any questions!”
2012-11-16 02:39:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM and we’re running.. and running… and running…
2012-11-16 02:39:48
2012-11-16 02:40:13
@szvan: @MockTM I want to know what these farmers are pasturing. It’s isn’t cows, or they’d be stepping into more than a time anomaly.
2012-11-16 02:40:17
@CarlieP: @MockTM This is starting to look like the attack scene from Holy Grail.
2012-11-16 02:40:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That fence wasn’t here before.” And Nazis are known for their wooden fences, as opposed to barbed wire.
2012-11-16 02:41:14
@CarlieP: @MockTM Jim! My voice! It’s been ADR’d!
2012-11-16 02:41:16
@szvan: @MockTM “Jim, I know you know what’s happening but you won’t tell me. Why?” “Because you keep talking maybe. I mean, just a guess.”
2012-11-16 02:41:56
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Sanda, why do you keep saying “Tim”? He knows he’s Tim and he’s the only person there besides you.
2012-11-16 02:42:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM Good thing they time-travelled into the same season. Convenient, that.
2012-11-16 02:42:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Any minute now, Connor’s going to leap out of a tree from off camera and stab that tricorn-wearing fucker in the throat.
2012-11-16 02:43:06
@DrRubidium: @MockTM did we get transported to a Baroque court? What the hell is up with this music?
2012-11-16 02:43:36
@szvan: @MockTM “Witchcraft!” Well, now we know what happened to all the other time travelers.
2012-11-16 02:43:56
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM one can but hope and dream… #moardeaths
2012-11-16 02:44:11
@CarlieP: @MockTM Way to go with that lighter, Jim.
2012-11-16 02:44:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Crap. Jim & Sandra have been transported to a go-go dance club
2012-11-16 02:45:11
@szvan: @MockTM Nazi! And only halfway through the movie. A Roger Corman movie this is not.
2012-11-16 02:45:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You can totally tell that guy’s a time-altering Nazi by the staggered gauges on his pressboard background.
2012-11-16 02:45:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Won’t you please step out? So I can give your faces to the Man-Machine?
2012-11-16 02:45:37
@CarlieP: @MockTM That looks and sounds just like the guy and lab Miss Piggy ended up in in the Muppet Movie.
2012-11-16 02:45:40
@szvan: @MockTM “Doc, stop showing off. We’re looking for a girl.” “Yeah, everyone says that.”
2012-11-16 02:45:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Cleopatra! Commen sie hier, schnell!”
2012-11-16 02:46:18
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Ernst van Hauser sounds more like Ernesto Vasquez doing a horrible German accent
2012-11-16 02:46:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is like a fantastic nightmare and I don’t understand any of it because I fucking hate temporal mechanics. Failed it twice.”
2012-11-16 02:47:21
@szvan: @MockTM “I was doing experiments. That lovely young women keep getting caught by my machine? Pure perq.”
2012-11-16 02:47:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hicksville Library has a decently-stocked physics section, it seems.
2012-11-16 02:48:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Ohhhhh…International Congress of Physicists…fancy
2012-11-16 02:49:01
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, trash talking Hitler. Our hero is a true hero indeed. So brave. You can tell by the drum roll.
2012-11-16 02:49:48
@agolas: @MockTM “Ahead of his time! And I know from time!”
2012-11-16 02:50:32
@szvan: @MockTM “You will forgive me for my outburst of temper. Otherwise, we’ll have to find a reasonable way to end this scene.”
2012-11-16 02:50:35
@CarlieP: @mocktm Why is there a Revolutionary drumroll going on?
2012-11-16 02:50:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m not sure it’s wise to antagonize your captor, Jim
2012-11-16 02:50:39
@CarlieP: @mocktm This is the oddest soundtrack ever.
2012-11-16 02:51:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He called for weapons, super weapons to turn the tide of war in the last few days. And I gave him a genetically engineered RABBIT!”
2012-11-16 02:51:11
@CarlieP: @MockTM The drums… I can hear the sound of drums…
2012-11-16 02:51:43
@szvan: @MockTM “If we’d only had time for further experiments.” “Um, dude, maybe I shouldn’t mention this, but you have a TIME MACHINE.”
2012-11-16 02:51:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @CarlieP Holy fuck, Ernst gazed into the untempered schism!
2012-11-16 02:52:56
@szvan: @MockTM That expression is the look of a man watching his Pulitzer disappear because no one will ever believe him ever.
2012-11-16 02:53:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m alright, except I’m from a completely different timeline where I didn’t die, and have no idea who you are.”
2012-11-16 02:53:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM Upskirt shot for…the win?
2012-11-16 02:54:09
@CarlieP: @MockTM When did Sandy change clothes?
2012-11-16 02:54:16
@szvan: @MockTM Funny how all those movies that pluck Egyptian women from the past never pluck the transparent linen with them. Cowards.
2012-11-16 02:54:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM These are the velocity dials that control the passage of time. I used dials because they’re slightly more complicated then levers.
2012-11-16 02:55:07
@szvan: @MockTM I never knew that @CONvergenceCon’s mascot was designed by a mad Nazi movie scientist. I should have guessed, though.
2012-11-16 02:56:07
@CarlieP: @mocktm “And now, bring the edges of your skirt together, and the ant is there instead of walking across the whole line!” #tesser
2012-11-16 02:56:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Yeah, yeah, you wrapped around time. I get it. Jeez. This is like 101-level stuff. Get to where you can prevent paradoxes.”
2012-11-16 02:56:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM Mad scientist explaining how a globe works…yay?
2012-11-16 02:56:51
@CarlieP: @lousycanuck @MockTM Plus they can go to eleven.
2012-11-16 02:56:59
@szvan: @MockTM This movie, sadly, was filmed before the concept of “hand-waving”.
2012-11-16 02:57:00
@szvan: @MockTM “Doc, I know you’re a mad Nazi, but…well, will you shoot me if I fall asleep in class?”
2012-11-16 02:57:58
@CarlieP: @mocktm This entire explanation of space-time is being illustrated with an arrow and a line.
2012-11-16 02:58:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “If there is no limit to space…there is no limit to velocity!”
2012-11-16 02:58:21
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m afraid you lost me, Doc.” It’s so nice when the hero can be a stand-in for the audience.
2012-11-16 02:58:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this guys is talking a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Minus rays have an accelerating velocity? Wha?!
2012-11-16 02:59:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “There is no limit to time and no limit to velocity and no limit, no no limit,”
2012-11-16 02:59:12
@szvan: @MockTM Can we have some snappy music for this lecture?
2012-11-16 02:59:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Jesus fuck, why couldn’t you just blame phogiston or something? Skip the lecture, doc.
2012-11-16 02:59:44
@szvan: @MockTM Physics dance party!
2012-11-16 03:00:07
@szvan: @MockTM Please?
2012-11-16 03:00:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “And we will pass this lime and no longer be moving in the direction of the future but in the direction of the nearest Arbys.”
2012-11-16 03:00:34
@CarlieP: @MockTM Can we travel in time to when you’re done explaining, Herr Doctor?
2012-11-16 03:00:46
@CarlieP: @MockTM Did Jim just start on an SAT question? “If a train left the station…”
2012-11-16 03:01:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Why are you telling me this?” “To impress upon you that any nonsense sounds like physics if said in a sufficiently German accent.”
2012-11-16 03:01:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How proud and superior you felt when you beat us without having to listen to hours of droning lectures!
2012-11-16 03:02:06
@szvan: @MockTM Can we start a meme where we call subtitle the physics lecture?
2012-11-16 03:02:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Jim, why haven’t you taken a shot at the old man? Seriously, you could take him.
2012-11-16 03:02:53
@szvan: @MockTM “The lecture is over, Mr. Crandon, and you look tired.” “I think hypnotized is the word you’re looking for, Doc.”
2012-11-16 03:03:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You can’t get away with this!” “Are you paying attention? I have a fucking TIME MACHINE. I can become your father if I wanted!”
2012-11-16 03:03:26
@CarlieP: @MockTM Oh sure, NOW the peppy music shows up.
2012-11-16 03:03:48
@DrRubidium: @MockTM um, Sandy is now rocking her night club hair. Does this mean another song?
2012-11-16 03:03:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I don’t know. But I do know one thing. I feel another beat poem coming on.”
2012-11-16 03:04:44
@szvan: @MockTM Now for a song!
2012-11-16 03:05:24
@CarlieP: @MockTM This whole plot has to resolve in less than 15 minutes.
2012-11-16 03:05:42
2012-11-16 03:05:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Jim!” “What is it?” “A gigantic pair of legs appeared out of nowhere!!!”
2012-11-16 03:05:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Our hero…kicks back for a nap.
2012-11-16 03:05:56
@szvan: @MockTM “Sandy, what is it?!” “The Colossus at Rhodes!”
2012-11-16 03:06:01
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, cheerleaders. So portable.
2012-11-16 03:06:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Worst act-crying ever.
2012-11-16 03:06:37
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why does Sandy’s sister have a southern accent?
2012-11-16 03:06:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ceiling Cleopatra watches you sulk in your cage.
2012-11-16 03:07:39
@CarlieP: @MockTM Herr doctor had to lock Margie in a chair to make her listen to his explanation of time travel.
2012-11-16 03:08:00
@szvan: @MockTM “You eat now. It is traditional Egyptian food-truck food.”
2012-11-16 03:08:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The art of convincing someone to treason involves saying “please” repeatedly.
2012-11-16 03:08:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “You’ve got to help us, you’re our only hope!” Well, now we know where Lucas got that line…
2012-11-16 03:08:57
@lousycanuck: @szvan @MockTM Lembas bread?
2012-11-16 03:09:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, she just used her Egyptian Nerve Pinch. (Which involves a dagger.)
2012-11-16 03:09:47
@szvan: @MockTM See, now. Pissing off the one black actress isn’t a good idea.
2012-11-16 03:09:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM of course, the black lady has to die
2012-11-16 03:10:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Sandy! Sandy! DO SOMETHING, for God’s sake!”
2012-11-16 03:10:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And now the percussion sneaking-out music.
2012-11-16 03:10:42
@CarlieP: @MockTM Nice doing nothing to help, Sandy you loser!
2012-11-16 03:10:44
@szvan: @MockTM “Jim, he strangled her!” “It’s all right, honey. It wasn’t us.”
2012-11-16 03:10:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I told you, struggle is useless! You will only arouse me needlessly!”
2012-11-16 03:11:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I haven’t experimented with the future before! Just altering the past which changes the future and… oh it’s complicated.”
2012-11-16 03:12:50
@CarlieP: @MockTM Seriously, that’s the same machine Doc Hopper was going to use to make Kermit do frog leg commercials.
2012-11-16 03:12:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Margie!” “Sandy! I brought you an iPhone!”
2012-11-16 03:13:13
@szvan: @MockTM Without knobs, we’ll never time travel again!
2012-11-16 03:13:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Those two lightbulbs were critical to the time machine. His whole operation is crippled!
2012-11-16 03:13:50
@CarlieP: @MockTM Nice to know they at least follow Chekhov’s rule there.
2012-11-16 03:14:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, the old secret Nazi time travel dungeon under the leaf-covered trap door trick.
2012-11-16 03:14:50
@szvan: @MockTM “What is it, Finley?” “Dude, are you blind?”
2012-11-16 03:14:57
@agolas: @MockTM Four minutes to go, and now it’s a zombie movie!
2012-11-16 03:15:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The what machine?” “The ice cream machine. Now get down there ya lug!”
2012-11-16 03:15:24
@CarlieP: @mocktm The important question is, will Margie be able to twirl her baton again after this trauma?
2012-11-16 03:15:51
@szvan: @MockTM “Oh, did I ever tell you what happened to von Hauser?” “Er…nope.” “Yeah, he died in the past.” “Huh. Go figure.
2012-11-16 03:16:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, the time machine uses a coffee percolator as a key component?
2012-11-16 03:16:14
@szvan: @MockTM Break the neon, and the machine will never work again!
2012-11-16 03:16:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I think I know a darn good way to shut it off. Hit it til it explodes.” Yup, that’s my plan for most problems.
2012-11-16 03:16:42
@CarlieP: @MockTM “Well, time travel’s possible. Now let’s break it.”
2012-11-16 03:16:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Listen. The way I figure is this. They tampered in God’s domain.”
2012-11-16 03:17:51
@szvan: @MockTM “Why don’t you take the two ladies home?” “I thought you’d never ask.” “Jim, shouldn’t you let *them* ask?”
2012-11-16 03:17:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Uh, that’s it? You don’t have any…questions, or anything?”
2012-11-16 03:17:57
@agolas: @MockTM The machine? We’ve got top men working on it. Top. Men.
2012-11-16 03:18:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM one death and it’s the black lady #typical
2012-11-16 03:19:00
@CarlieP: @MockTM Jeez, they are walking across that field again. That field should have top billing by now.
2012-11-16 03:19:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM I’m either too drunk or not drunk enough to be inspired by that slogan.
2012-11-16 03:19:14
@szvan: @MockTM Tonight’s lesson: Nazi’s make lousy physics lecturers.
2012-11-16 03:19:22
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, that 79 minutes of my life I’ll never get back
2012-11-16 03:19:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lesson for this movie: hit it til explodes.
2012-11-16 03:20:36
@szvan: @MockTM Tonight’s other lesson: I’m too drunk to use apostrophes correctly.
2012-11-16 03:20:39
@blakestacey: @DrRubidium @MockTM Not unless you had a…TIME MACHINE.
2012-11-16 03:20:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what have we learned? Never trust a motherfucking physicist.
2012-11-16 03:21:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, it could have been worse. I mean, “Manos” exists. And “Breaking Dawn”.
2012-11-16 03:26:24
@LalSox: I’m so down for this! RT @MockTM: Back in two weeks with SciFi/SyFy (no, SciFi, dammit)’s “Sands of Oblivion”. @adamsbaldwin
2012-11-16 03:37:40

Mock The Movie: The Yesterday Machine transcript

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