Mock The Movie: Bride of the Monster Transcript

Bah! In the middle of repairing a busted desktop, which I’ll need if we intend to go through with this 24hr gameathon I’ve got planned with JT Eberhart ready to roll any time soon, so I’ll come back and edit in the subtitle files ASAP. CA7746 also sent along a hilarious screenshot of Bela Eyebrows.

Avicenna of the newly-assimilated A Million Gods joined in on this mockery. Enjoy!

Update: Here’s the subtitle file. Save as (moviename).srt in the same folder as the movie. Also, a screenshot of the kinds of hilarious moments you’ll see if you watch this movie with the subtitle file.

Screenshot: Bela Lugosi's eyes with the caption "@brx0: Bela eyebrows! DRINK!"

All the extra interface stuff is from CompulsoryAccount’s subtitle generating app, which lets him shift people’s views/tweets around and produce an actual, polished, properly-timed mockery. It is truly a work of art to watch one of these movies with our mockery in-line. Trust me. Or don’t even trust me — download the subtitle file and try it out yourself.

2012-10-26 01:00:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM It’s 6:30 AM here… Do you realise how early in the day this is for Ed Wood?
2012-10-26 01:00:47
@brx0: @MockTM It was a dark and stormy night…
2012-10-26 01:00:59
@ReasJack: @MockTM Tor. His parents named him after their favorite physical unit, but he dropped the r later to blend in.
2012-10-26 01:01:38
@brx0: @MockTM “Original Story & Screenplay by Edward D. Wood Jr.” Awwyeah…
2012-10-26 01:01:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM All movies should start with a timpani and a sprinkler system providing storm effects.
2012-10-26 01:01:51
@brx0: @MockTM “Produced & Directed by Edward D. Wood Jr.” Ohhyeah…
2012-10-26 01:02:10
@Million_Gods: @MockTM This movie is self aware… It certainly isn’t natural.
2012-10-26 01:02:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Make Up Artists? Really? You mean Tor doesn’t look like that?
2012-10-26 01:02:38
@brx0: @MockTM Stuck outside in a thunderstorm, or enter Bela Lugosi’s lab. Decisions, decisions…
2012-10-26 01:03:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Better than being barbecued!” “You can’t be serious, you can’t light a barbecue in this weather!”
2012-10-26 01:03:42
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck I am british… trust me. That’s barbeque weather
2012-10-26 01:04:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That big foreboding mansion is deserted! Except for Old Man Carruthers and his haunted roller coaster that is.”
2012-10-26 01:04:20
@ReasJack: @MockTM This is my butler, Flintstone.
2012-10-26 01:04:43
@brx0: @MockTM Go ahead, get off Bela’s lawn already.
2012-10-26 01:04:48
@brx0: @MockTM Inanimate rubber octopus!
2012-10-26 01:05:19
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Bela Lugosi only knows one voice… Dracula… I would use that voice for everything… Takeaways… Patient Histories… Sex talk..
2012-10-26 01:05:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh Tor. He can evoke so much sympathy and pathos without speaking a word.
2012-10-26 01:05:32
@brx0: @MockTM Bela turns stuff on and off a few times. Evil lab tech support probably told him to do that.
2012-10-26 01:05:50
@ReasJack: @MockTM He should get The Clapper for that.
2012-10-26 01:05:55
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Perhaps you will meet the monster… bwahahaha (Evil Scientist Chat Up Lines)
2012-10-26 01:06:19
@brx0: @MockTM And that guy gets eaten by stock footage of an octopus not eating anything…
2012-10-26 01:07:01
@ReasJack: @MockTM It’s got Frodo!
2012-10-26 01:07:03
@leilah: @mockTM Dude, stop shooting me! I’m being attacked by an octopus!
2012-10-26 01:07:53
@brx0: @MockTM Rubber octopus, now featuring victim-operated tentacles.
2012-10-26 01:07:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @ReasJack They didn’t speak friend before entering the pond.
2012-10-26 01:08:15
@brx0: @MockTM “Already he tires of our humble hospitality”…
2012-10-26 01:08:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Get these straps off of me. Unless this is some kinda kinky sex club, in which case proceed.”
2012-10-26 01:08:55
@ReasJack: @MockTM A giant with the strenght of twenty men, well, don’t point it at that part of me, (wink wink)
2012-10-26 01:09:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Borlov. Dr. Eric Borlov. The name will mean little to you unless you’ve read my recent papers on applied monsterology.”
2012-10-26 01:10:14
@Million_Gods: @MockTM That’s totally how you check the Jugular Venous Pulse. Well done Ed Wood!
2012-10-26 01:10:36
@brx0: @MockTM “You will soon be as big as a giant, strength of 20 men. Or, like all the others, dead.” #NotAnObstacleToFDAApproval
2012-10-26 01:10:41
@ReasJack: @MockTM Monster takes two. Tied with Giants with one week remaing./
2012-10-26 01:11:14
@brx0: @MockTM Someone used to have a full time job designing these fake newspapers for movies, back in the day…
2012-10-26 01:11:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Even Tor knows Dr. Eric Borlov doesn’t have a real medical degree, listening to dude’s temple with a stethoscope.
2012-10-26 01:11:36
@leilah: @mocktm Monster takes two what? Aspirin?
2012-10-26 01:11:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Monster Takes Two… ON BROADWAY
2012-10-26 01:12:02
@Million_Gods: @MockTM So what’s the prognosis for this “torch light to the eyes” procedure?
2012-10-26 01:12:37
@Million_Gods: @MockTM He’s dead. Your a lunatic not a doctor!
2012-10-26 01:13:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Thin guy with hat encounters drunk chubby bum in hall. “Hey hey, Ralphie-boy”. The jokes write themselves.
2012-10-26 01:13:23
@ReasJack: @MockTM Can we just feed the brown noser to the monster now?
2012-10-26 01:13:36
@brx0: @MockTM Cops in Ed Wood movies are always total assholes, but still the good guys somehow.
2012-10-26 01:13:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lieutenant Renfield Ugarte reporting for duty, sir.
2012-10-26 01:14:17
@Million_Gods: @MockTM No Jail Can Hold Me! #Famouslastwords
2012-10-26 01:14:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well that’s an interesting take on the office stress toy drinking bird.
2012-10-26 01:15:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Facts are our business. Facts and only facts. And sometimes bribes.
2012-10-26 01:16:01
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I love it when cops abuse their powers for a newspaper…
2012-10-26 01:16:08
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Dick Craig is what I would pick as my #pornstar name.
2012-10-26 01:16:30
@brx0: @MockTM “Everything points to an inhuman violence!”
2012-10-26 01:16:50
@brx0: @MockTM “A figment of my imagine is something *I* believe!”
2012-10-26 01:17:21
@Million_Gods: @MockTM If you don’t agree with me I will break up with you. And try and keep this ring…
2012-10-26 01:17:23
@brx0: @MockTM This isn’t very good dialogue, is it?
2012-10-26 01:17:50
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Inhuman Violence is the name of my next metal album… Now in all good record stores and that new fangled iStore.
2012-10-26 01:17:57
@LalSox: @lousycanuck once again I’m 15 minutes late an already in bed. The universe doesn’t want me to participate in @MockTM
2012-10-26 01:18:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Facts! Evidence!” “Figments! Belief!”
2012-10-26 01:18:24
@lousycanuck: @LalSox You missed one octopus attack and some mousy cops bickering. Join in! @MockTM
2012-10-26 01:18:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM A POGO STICK? A DANCING COSTUME? Twelve went down? This is some very very kinky stuff…
2012-10-26 01:18:50
@leilah: @mocktm Crazy dames doing what they say they will… what’s the world coming to?
2012-10-26 01:19:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “She’s just crazy enough to follow through with her proposed plans of action! Too bad she’s not a guy or I’d admire her gumption!”
2012-10-26 01:19:34
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I shall defeat you through property tax law!!!
2012-10-26 01:20:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I ain’t going anyplace, and neither are those files, har har har. Because they’re paper, not sentient beings you see.”
2012-10-26 01:20:38
@brx0: @MockTM I’m not sure I understand the newspaper’s archival system there…
2012-10-26 01:21:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Tell him I, I dunno, have an ulcer or something.” “Oh, leave it to me. I’ll cook up some story about ‘female issues’. *wink*”
2012-10-26 01:21:25
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I can’t date you dick. I have an ulcer…
2012-10-26 01:21:35
@ReasJack: @MockTM I think he means lackness, a quality this dialog has.
2012-10-26 01:21:51
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, a foreign perfesser, here to chat about the Loch Ness Monster. He’s an expert, even.
2012-10-26 01:22:10
@ReasJack: @MockTM What an interesting lack of detail .
2012-10-26 01:22:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Have you ever heard of Loch Ness?” “Wackless?” “Loch… Ness.” “Flack Mess?!”
2012-10-26 01:22:47
@brx0: @MockTM Pretty sure I’ve seen this foreign perfesser guy on the History Channel a few times.
2012-10-26 01:22:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Is it your theory that perhaps the Loch Ness Monster crossed –” “No.”
2012-10-26 01:23:14
@ReasJack: @MockTM You know. A little company. Lt. Craig has taken a shine to you.
2012-10-26 01:23:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM How would you ever be an authority on monsters? A BSc. in Monsterology or Monsteronomy?
2012-10-26 01:23:33
@leilah: @mocktm “I shall be most happy to have Lt Craig’s… assistance.” Yeah, I bet…
2012-10-26 01:23:39
@brx0: @MockTM “The night, the monster, all in good time…”
2012-10-26 01:23:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I shall use my Knowledge to shed light on this… ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
2012-10-26 01:23:52
@ReasJack: @MockTM Maybe the Lt. can get the bronx undertones out of your fake central European accent.
2012-10-26 01:24:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How soon can you be ready?” “I’m ready. I’m always ready. They call me Lientenant “Action” Dick Craig.”
2012-10-26 01:24:17
@Million_Gods: @MockTM At times the police can be quite useful. Other times they are glass hammers.
2012-10-26 01:24:31
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wow… this guy is pretty genre savvy… Monster attacks at night, so we go in during the day. I think his credentials check out.
2012-10-26 01:25:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Until morning, Lt. Craig.” “Awww, MORNING? But how long will THAT be!?”
2012-10-26 01:25:14
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, now the weather’s confusing me. Is it sunny? Raining? Day? Night?
2012-10-26 01:25:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If she’s gone to Lake Marsh alone I’ll do something paternalistic and sexist if it’s the last thing I do!”
2012-10-26 01:25:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Oh Burn! Got a date?
2012-10-26 01:25:45
@brx0: @MockTM If anyone wants to do a stage play about Ed Wood, consider “A Long Day’s Jump Cut Into Night” as a title.
2012-10-26 01:26:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You may have insulted my manhood, but I shall restore it through spousal violence.
2012-10-26 01:26:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s stormy at night, clear during the day. That’s how weather works in an Ed Wood horror film.
2012-10-26 01:26:33
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Women… Can’t Drive and Can’t be Spanked…
2012-10-26 01:27:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Tor’s just here to change your flat tire, lady. He’s with Triple A.
2012-10-26 01:27:17
@leilah: @mocktm Rest… rest… I mean… SLEEEEEEEEEP!
2012-10-26 01:27:48
@brx0: @MockTM Bela pretty much has to whip out the hypno-eyebrows in every single movie, doesn’t he?
2012-10-26 01:28:09
@Million_Gods: @MockTM In Soviet Russia, Calamari Eats You.
2012-10-26 01:28:25
@brx0: @MockTM Next morning! Wait, where’d the perfesser go? Who’s this other guy?
2012-10-26 01:28:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What you need now is rest. And hypnosis.” He picked up the hypnosis powers on his last gig as Dracula, you see.
2012-10-26 01:28:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM My Rohypnol Powers Will Make You Sleep…
2012-10-26 01:28:49
@brx0: @MockTM “This swamp is a monument to death. Snakes, alligators, quicksand. All bent on one thing: Destruction!”
2012-10-26 01:29:07
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait. If the monster is an octopus and the movie is called “the bride of the monster”… I don’t like the direction this is heading.
2012-10-26 01:29:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, it’s almost sunset again. You can tell by the impending thunderstorm.
2012-10-26 01:29:59
@Million_Gods: @MockTM The ground is alive with Crawling Death.
2012-10-26 01:30:02
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Atom Bombs do not work that way!
2012-10-26 01:30:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well, let’s get at it, before we encounter the exploding alligators and acidic quicksand bent on destruction.”
2012-10-26 01:30:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Where else could he go? The Arcade? The Pub? The Rave Review Show of the Producers?
2012-10-26 01:31:10
@brx0: @MockTM This would be a very short movie if people in it had mobile phones.
2012-10-26 01:31:19
@Million_Gods: @MockTM How do you know it’s Janet’s Car? Because it’s parked terribly.
2012-10-26 01:31:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, we found her car! Let’s not search the area, there’s a coffee shop ten miles back! Let’s check there. And get some coffee.”
2012-10-26 01:31:56
@ReasJack: @MockTM Why don’t they just use the radio attached to that whip antenna instead of driving 10 miles.
2012-10-26 01:32:11
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, there’s the perfesser. Cool car.
2012-10-26 01:32:15
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck They have their priorities straight. Coffee Before Dames.
2012-10-26 01:32:28
@brx0: @MockTM I’m not 100% sure that’s a real coffee shop.
2012-10-26 01:32:44
@CA7746: @MockTM Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain.
2012-10-26 01:32:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @brx0 It’s got a carafe of coffee and a phone. Obviously it’s a coffee shop.
2012-10-26 01:33:06
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Why has no one mentioned the bird on his shoulder? Is it the elephant in the room?
2012-10-26 01:33:16
@CA7746: @MockTM So that’s what the whip was for…
2012-10-26 01:33:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hello Jim? Yeah. About the Lawton girl. Yeah, she’s pretty hot. A bit of a snoop though.”
2012-10-26 01:34:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Tor Make You Breakfast In Bed!
2012-10-26 01:34:30
@brx0: @MockTM Sorry, just had to whip Lobo for a bit. Coffee? Cream and sugar?
2012-10-26 01:34:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bela Lugosi and Tor Johnson are into BDSM. I said it. All the evidence is there.
2012-10-26 01:35:12
@ReasJack: @MockTM Shouldn’t the Captain have an eye patch to go with that bird?
2012-10-26 01:35:40
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I knew it! Defeated through property tax laws!!!
2012-10-26 01:36:08
@brx0: @MockTM Bela eyebrows! Drink!
2012-10-26 01:36:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He has been quite useful to me. At times. He is not so handy as player two on Super Mario Bros though.”
2012-10-26 01:37:08
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You must have seen my press card… Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
2012-10-26 01:37:13
@ReasJack: @MockTM See, he’s a kitten. Just whip him with a bull whip.
2012-10-26 01:37:24
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Only problem is Tor communicates solely through the language of bull whips.
2012-10-26 01:37:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, @Million_Gods called it. Rohypnol in the tea. Gotta be.
2012-10-26 01:37:47
@brx0: @MockTM Not so sure about Bela’s lab equipment. Cool fridge though.
2012-10-26 01:38:14
@CA7746: @MockTM A commode chair? In the hall?
2012-10-26 01:38:24
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck or Bela Lugosi is a Jedi. Just like Christopher Lee
2012-10-26 01:38:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Take the girl to my quarters.” “BUT WHERE YOU SLEEP BOSS” “I’ll take the futon in the front hall.”
2012-10-26 01:38:46
@brx0: @MockTM You’d think Lobo’s arms would get tired walking around like that all the time.
2012-10-26 01:39:07
@ReasJack: @MockTM Is he a scientist or Svengali?
2012-10-26 01:39:26
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, the perfesser is a Secret Agent, inviting Bela back home to continue his work. International intrigue!
2012-10-26 01:40:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Why the sudden interest in me Professor Strauss?” “I am doing a profile for my monsterology newsletter!”
2012-10-26 01:40:52
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck This is still more thrilling and grounded in science than Finding Bigfoot
2012-10-26 01:41:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I proposed using the atom elements to create beings of strength and science. I was branded as a madman… a creationist!”
2012-10-26 01:42:25
@brx0: @MockTM “I will perfect my own race of people! A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!”
2012-10-26 01:42:39
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I shall now use my atomic supermonsters to defeat aliens in a game of intergalactic basketball for the fate of the planet!
2012-10-26 01:42:55
@ReasJack: @MockTM Nah. I gotta a swamp, a bald mute, and a shoestring lab. Who could ask for anything more.
2012-10-26 01:43:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I am here to bring you home.” “Um. I think you should look around. This is it. I even have the deed. Check the Newspaper archives.”
2012-10-26 01:43:10
@brx0: @MockTM Inanimate rubber octopus! Drink!
2012-10-26 01:44:22
@Million_Gods: @MockTM How dare you want to rule the world through atomic supermen. That’s our government’s plan!
2012-10-26 01:44:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lobo, throw him onto… THE COMFY OCTOPUS CHAIR.”
2012-10-26 01:45:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Stop falling on the comfy octopus chair!!! @lousycanuck
2012-10-26 01:46:01
@brx0: @MockTM Ed Wood owed (but undoubtedly didn’t pay) serious royalties to whoever invented the off-camera scream.
2012-10-26 01:46:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Stop struggling Professor Strauss, and let the comfy octopus chair’s massage tentacles do their job!”
2012-10-26 01:46:12
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Fire up the computer. I want to play tic tac toe
2012-10-26 01:46:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM fine… Noughts and Crosses… If I said that americans would get confused.
2012-10-26 01:47:12
@brx0: @MockTM Random shooting at stock footage of slow-moving reptiles! Drink!
2012-10-26 01:47:51
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You know where I am… AT THE GODDAMN BEACH TANNING MY CHEEKS!
2012-10-26 01:47:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh Marty, you see anything suspicious, you know where I am.” “Yes, that is indeed a good way to identify you.”
2012-10-26 01:47:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM LAND SHAAAAARK
2012-10-26 01:48:23
@Million_Gods: @MockTM This just looks like someone set out to make a Richard Pryor sketch about how white people get bitten by snakes.
2012-10-26 01:48:28
@ReasJack: @MockTM 14 missing and the police have not pressured to search the house.
2012-10-26 01:48:44
@brx0: @MockTM Newspaper file clerk still hasn’t cleaned up after our intrepid reporter. Their system perplexes me.
2012-10-26 01:49:25
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Congratulations, you just shot at an alligator that wasn’t doing anything… You douche
2012-10-26 01:49:46
@ReasJack: @MockTM I will put on my trenchcoat and search the swamp … at night.
2012-10-26 01:49:48
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I haven’t murdered anyone this week.
2012-10-26 01:49:56
@brx0: @MockTM Bela hypno-hands! Drink!
2012-10-26 01:50:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, his name is Eerick Varnoff now? So confused.
2012-10-26 01:50:49
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Are we ready for the girl? Does that mean “Buy More Rohypnol”?
2012-10-26 01:51:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Oh his pre-mad science ritual involves resistance yoga…
2012-10-26 01:51:49
@brx0: @MockTM Surprise costume change! She must be the Bride… of the Monster!
2012-10-26 01:51:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM There we have it, Bride of the Monster. I feel ripped off here. She doesn’t look like an octopus at all.
2012-10-26 01:52:32
@brx0: @MockTM Roughly what % of this film does our heroine spend hypnotized or unconscious, anyway?
2012-10-26 01:52:46
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck Rule 34! RULE 34!!!
2012-10-26 01:52:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Do as I command, you! I’ll teach you to disobey me. I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!”
2012-10-26 01:53:19
@Million_Gods: @MockTM It would have been less effort to strap her in than break out the whip you know…
2012-10-26 01:53:50
@lousycanuck: @Million_Gods @MockTM Oh jebus, we don’t need this to turn into hentai. Please don’t let it turn into hentai.
2012-10-26 01:53:57
@ReasJack: @MockTM All mad scientists have wedding dresses lying around.
2012-10-26 01:54:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bride of the Atom recipe. Ingredients: one woman, one wedding dress, liberal sprinkling of atoms.
2012-10-26 01:55:13
@brx0: @MockTM I admit I have doubts about his plans here. Giving atomic super strength to unwilling — and angry — subjects?
2012-10-26 01:55:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lobo’s got him in the Dragon Sleeper! It’s all over, I tell ya!
2012-10-26 01:55:43
@ReasJack: @MockTM Why doesn’t he just use the hypno hand beam on Tor.
2012-10-26 01:55:46
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, it’s night again. Drink! (I’m making this up as I go.)
2012-10-26 01:55:57
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Your wedding present is cancer…
2012-10-26 01:56:03
@JadedSkeptic: Regret missing the @MockTM this week of Bride of the Monster. Some Legosi fun. But, it was a @RiffTrax of Birdemic. #NeedSomeTorJohnsonNow
2012-10-26 01:56:22
@CA7746: @MockTM Bracers, bald, revealing outfit, reluctant obedience… Is Lobo a genie?
2012-10-26 01:56:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @brx0 Hey we’re watching an Ed Wood movie! The drinking game is “drink til it makes sense!”
2012-10-26 01:56:23
@leilah: @mocktm Not sure about the whole elbow-bondage thing. Was that a thing?
2012-10-26 01:56:38
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck It’s 7:30 AM and I am sober…
2012-10-26 01:56:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Such lovely skin should not be marred… EXCEPT BY ATOMS.”
2012-10-26 01:57:10
@Million_Gods: @MockTM 14 deaths and kidnappings? Then the cops show up? This is like India.
2012-10-26 01:57:16
@brx0: @MockTM Suddenly! Lobo attacks!
2012-10-26 01:57:22
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Kelton! This is your first time out. Try not to screw up or it’s back in the box for you!
2012-10-26 01:57:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lobo is through jobbing for you! Lobo will no-sell these bullets!
2012-10-26 01:58:05
@ReasJack: @MockTM Hey no fair sending in more than one man at a time.
2012-10-26 01:58:10
@Million_Gods: @MockTM These BDSM restraints come in handy!
2012-10-26 01:58:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In another display of Lobo’s superhuman strength, he properly unbuckles the straps.
2012-10-26 01:58:55
@ReasJack: @MockTM Damn these blanks just don’t have the stopping power.
2012-10-26 01:59:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh great idea Lobo. Let’s turn Bela into a superhuman atomic creature that also has hypnosis powers.
2012-10-26 02:00:14
@brx0: @MockTM Yeah, drop the gun and fistfight the big guy. What cop school did you go to, anyway?
2012-10-26 02:00:17
@brx0: @MockTM Lobo has… business to attend to. This would be a good time to leave, guys.
2012-10-26 02:01:13
@Million_Gods: @MockTM It’s never going to work out Tor. She is a beautiful lady and you are a horrific mute simpleton. Tell me have heard of r/mensrights
2012-10-26 02:01:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Tor was breaking character when he decided to strip the cop protagonist.
2012-10-26 02:01:48
@ReasJack: @MockTM Give ‘im the Chair.
2012-10-26 02:02:50
@CA7746: @MockTM Vornoff could’ve conquered the world if he’d just scoured Tibet for more super-strong Lobos.
2012-10-26 02:03:20
@brx0: @MockTM Bela has atomic super strength! Suddenly the upper hand is on the other foot!
2012-10-26 02:03:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Atomic Bela will show you how you rip leather straps apart.
2012-10-26 02:03:48
@CA7746: @MockTM Of course the place is on fire. It’s a fireplace.
2012-10-26 02:03:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lobo Chop!
2012-10-26 02:03:59
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand cue the magic mad scientist lab fire….
2012-10-26 02:04:16
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Tor is a new switch… the Safe Word is Whipping
2012-10-26 02:04:24
@ReasJack: @MockTM I can neither speak nor move well but I understand dramatic irony.
2012-10-26 02:04:46
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Kelton, stand here where your ineptness will have no ill effect. And you get to hold this bell
2012-10-26 02:04:56
@brx0: @MockTM The entire police subplot is just filler, isn’t it?
2012-10-26 02:04:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay so I want you to jump over the fire and tuck and roll. Perfect on the first take! As always!”
2012-10-26 02:05:25
@brx0: @MockTM Bela looking all atomic and crap. The bullets, they do nothing!
2012-10-26 02:06:24
@brx0: @MockTM I’m just amazed her dress didn’t catch fire back in the lab. Scariest part of the movie, by far.
2012-10-26 02:06:49
@ReasJack: @MockTM Hey Fire. That’s my cue!
2012-10-26 02:06:53
2012-10-26 02:07:13
@brx0: @MockTM Atomic Bela eyebrows! Drink!
2012-10-26 02:07:17
@brx0: @MockTM Inanimate rubber octopus! Drink!
2012-10-26 02:07:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Judging by the giant ball of poop, the monster was really an atomic dung beetle this whole time. The Octopus was a red herring!!
2012-10-26 02:07:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Aah! That boulder rolled over my legs which caused me to fall over in place, then teleport into the pond with the monster!”
2012-10-26 02:08:53
@brx0: @MockTM And *that*, kids, is what happens when an atomic superman is eaten by a rubber octopus, and then they’re both hit by lightning.
2012-10-26 02:08:58
@ReasJack: @MockTM We have no idea what he’s doing. Lets empty our guns into him boys.
2012-10-26 02:09:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Welp, mad scientist turned into a mushroom cloud, and the people in the fallout blithely comment “he tampered in God’s domain.”
2012-10-26 02:09:52
@Million_Gods: @MockTM If you are going to rip the shirt off your hero, make sure he is suitably ripped.
2012-10-26 02:10:01
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Get up over top of him… That’s not English…
2012-10-26 02:10:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In other words, it’s God’s job to wreak havoc on innocent victims and explode into firey nuclear death.
2012-10-26 02:10:36
@Million_Gods: @MockTM stop kissing the unconscious lady and start shooting!
2012-10-26 02:11:00
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Defeated by Calamari… Who would have thought it…
2012-10-26 02:12:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lesson: the mountains of Tibet are apparently good places to pick up gigantic bulletproof mutes as slave labour.
2012-10-26 02:12:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck explains why China invaded… HO HO! REALITY!
2012-10-26 02:13:13
@Million_Gods: @MockTM @lousycanuck This Ed and Bela pairing certainly beats Twilight…
2012-10-26 02:14:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM We survived. And a new genre of Tor/Bela slash fiction was born. I declare this movie Mission Accomplished.
2012-10-26 02:16:09
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers You missed a great @MockTM. And by great I mean Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson and an inanimate rubber octopus.
2012-10-26 02:17:56

Mock The Movie: Bride of the Monster Transcript
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