Mock The Movie: Moontrap transcript and subtitle files

My week has been very draining. I don’t have a lot left in the tank for blogging. I’m working nights now, but I’m also handling crises during the day, picking up lots of other folks’ slack. So I need a day or two to recharge, and hopefully I can put together a few choice items tomorrow night for the rest of the week to carry me through to the weekend.

CA7746’s subtitle files are available in color or monochrome. As always, download the file to the same folder as the video file, rename to the same name as the video file, and change the extension to .srt, and your video player should pick it up.

@ImprobableJoe: @brx0 @MockTM “Insert ‘Yo Mama’ joke here.”
2012-09-28 00:58:12
@mrfright: @blakestacey @MockTM Nice! I’m not that original, just got some 21st amendment hop crisis because its 10%
2012-09-28 00:59:37
@brx0: @MockTM Pressing the fateful right-facing triangle in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
2012-09-28 01:00:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM OK, let’s get the Admiral out of our systems now. All together: “It’s a moontrap!” on 3. 1, 2, …
2012-09-28 01:00:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM We choose to watch this movie not because it is easy, but because it is hard!
2012-09-28 01:00:36
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Cue the stock footage
2012-09-28 01:00:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM July 20th 1969? What happened THEN?
2012-09-28 01:00:44
@ReasJack: @MockTM July 20, 1969. Hollywood soundstage.
2012-09-28 01:00:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what’s a good way to create suspense? Start your movie with footage of an event which EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT.
2012-09-28 01:01:21
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, this moon landing looks like a Hollywood movie. Conspiracy!
2012-09-28 01:01:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Will they make it to the moon!? THE TENSION IS KILLING ME
2012-09-28 01:01:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Ok, Neil, we can see you…whoops, got distracted by Forrest Gump playing ping-pong.”
2012-09-28 01:01:59
@mrfright: @MockTM woah, 90s!
2012-09-28 01:02:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “One small step for man, one giant leap for conspiracy theorists!”
2012-09-28 01:02:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh shit it’s that robot from Hoth!
2012-09-28 01:02:18
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, we just cut over to Apollo 15 footage for the alien/takeoff part. I call shenanigans.
2012-09-28 01:02:27
@mrfright: @MockTM It’s absolute zero and no air.
2012-09-28 01:02:29
@ReasJack: @MockTM Teletubbies assemble!
2012-09-28 01:02:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM Settle in for the zeerust, my friends.
2012-09-28 01:02:31
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for movie-making
2012-09-28 01:02:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM The “hey, it’s that guy!” factor now reading 700 megacochranes!
2012-09-28 01:03:00
@szvan: @MockTM Any film which includes the line “You must be bored too” just isn’t trying.
2012-09-28 01:03:07
@abiodork: @mocktm Ahhh – I’m late! What time is everyone at in the movie?
2012-09-28 01:03:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Don’t torture yourself. That’s Takei’s job.” “Oh, myyyyy.”
2012-09-28 01:03:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What the hell I’m a masochist”. You’re in good company with the crowd subjecting themselves to your movie, Chekov!
2012-09-28 01:03:32
@brx0: @MockTM Special effects by “Acme Special Effects Company”. This sounds promising.
2012-09-28 01:03:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Special effects by Acme? Will they catch the roadrunner this time!?!
2012-09-28 01:03:48
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Tes Ragsdale must be proud
2012-09-28 01:04:05
@Cotesia1: @MockTM. UhOh, special effects by ACME.
2012-09-28 01:04:11
@mrfright: @MockTM That is no moon…
2012-09-28 01:04:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know another way to create excitement? People talking about BEING BORED.
2012-09-28 01:04:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You wanted adventure. HIIIIIGH ADVENTURE. Hint hint. Check your duffel bag, I packed you something green.”
2012-09-28 01:04:31
@brx0: @MockTM Astronaut ennui dialogue over the credits….
2012-09-28 01:04:43
@ReasJack: @MockTM Breaker Breaker 19.
2012-09-28 01:04:53
@brx0: @MockTM Synths! Space shuttle barrel rolls!
2012-09-28 01:05:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM 2001 rip-off segues into Star Wars into Trek reference… keep reminding us of other movies we could be watching. Yes.
2012-09-28 01:05:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Um, I think that’s the theme to Space Quest 4.
2012-09-28 01:05:15
@ImprobableJoe: @abiodork @mocktm I feel two minutes behind the comments
2012-09-28 01:05:17
@szvan: @MockTM Soooo, who wants to explain to them about the shuttle and the moon.
2012-09-28 01:05:20
@mrfright: @MockTM Heh, let me just evacuate the oxygen as a joke…
2012-09-28 01:05:29
@brx0: @MockTM Wow, Bruce Campbell looks young.
2012-09-28 01:06:04
@ReasJack: @MockTM Sulu never dozed off
2012-09-28 01:06:21
@szvan: @MockTM Uh-huh. This guy passed the psych eval. Right.
2012-09-28 01:06:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM When was the last time the shuttle flew with only 2 people? Quick, to the Bat-Wikipedia!
2012-09-28 01:06:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Yeah, I do have a top gun nickname. It’s “Bottom Gun.””
2012-09-28 01:06:55
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Radar contact, how far behind am I?
2012-09-28 01:07:03
@ReasJack: @MockTM It was sweetie pie
2012-09-28 01:07:07
@mrfright: @MockTM Woah, not space janator, space master of the janatorial arts.
2012-09-28 01:07:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Bruce “the Penetrator” Campbell. Grooooovy.
2012-09-28 01:07:11
@brx0: @MockTM Tunisia? I don’t remember that one. 80s foreign policy is all a blur anymore.
2012-09-28 01:07:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The Penetrator” refers to his chin.
2012-09-28 01:07:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM They’re flying into some serious VGA graphics.
2012-09-28 01:07:40
@mrfright: @MockTM Is that what I think it is? What is it? Then it isn’t what you think it is.
2012-09-28 01:08:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Because crazy elliptical orbits and placid circular ones make for easy rendezvous. Ayup.
2012-09-28 01:08:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Is that what I think it is?” “A Star Destroyer?”
2012-09-28 01:08:40
@ReasJack: @MockTM This is NASA after the Atari buyout.
2012-09-28 01:08:54
@mrfright: @MockTM Weee!
2012-09-28 01:09:08
@brx0: @MockTM Now that’s a low budget Mission Control they’ve got there.
2012-09-28 01:09:18
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Strictly volunteer… you can leave the spaceship any time you like!
2012-09-28 01:09:21
@mrfright: @MockTM you hear heavy breathing because I’m mastur…. doing nothing in my suit.
2012-09-28 01:09:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM Glad to see they got the zero-prep EVA figured out.
2012-09-28 01:09:35
@szvan: @MockTM “You’re command! Where did you learn to take risks like that?” “Ask my old captain.”
2012-09-28 01:09:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You shouldn’t be taking risks like that, you’re the command pilot!” “Bullshit! I learned it from the best, Captain Kirk!”
2012-09-28 01:10:01
@mrfright: @MockTM “Peanut butter”, but no words other than that.
2012-09-28 01:10:07
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM “justin credible” what?
2012-09-28 01:10:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “All I hear is heavy breathing.” “It’s big. Very big.” Please, movie, leave *some* of the work for us.
2012-09-28 01:10:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I can’t find any other words for it.” “Maybe we should have sent a poet. Over.”
2012-09-28 01:10:32
@mrfright: @MockTM I can’t read.
2012-09-28 01:10:37
@szvan: @MockTM “Is it radioactive?” “Oh, wait. Let me check now he’s on his spacewalk.”
2012-09-28 01:10:44
@ColOfNature: @MockTM “Bullshit. Kirk wouldn’t send no red-shirt and neither will I. I’m out the door, Houston”
2012-09-28 01:10:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Holy shit, the Two Guys from Andromeda followed me for the SQ4 reference. @AndromedaGuys
2012-09-28 01:10:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It’s…covered in…sulphur…”
2012-09-28 01:11:21
@szvan: @MockTM “Strange hieroglyphics. Like lots of martini glasses.”
2012-09-28 01:11:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Looks like there’s writing of some kind. Strange hieroglyphics.” “Dude, it’s English. You shouldn’t have quit school so early.”
2012-09-28 01:11:49
@mrfright: @MockTM One small step for man, one giant leWHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!
2012-09-28 01:11:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now I’m coming up on a breach in the hull.” “Houston here. Our film-studies major wants to call that a yonic symbol. Over.”
2012-09-28 01:11:59
@ColOfNature: @mocktm If that thing spawns some kind of face hugging type creature I’m out
2012-09-28 01:12:00
@ReasJack: @MockTM Strange Hieroglyphics. My god, the Mormons have conquered space
2012-09-28 01:12:06
@brx0: @MockTM They aren’t selling me on this being zero gravity, gotta say.
2012-09-28 01:12:23
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Strange hieroglyphics… if I rub them, maybe I can read them
2012-09-28 01:12:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What is it?” “Well, not burned to hell. Egg shaped. Can’t possibly be a creature.”
2012-09-28 01:12:35
@szvan: @MockTM “Let’s have local gravity kick in momentarily so I can pick this up.”
2012-09-28 01:12:36
@CA7746: @MockTM *yaaawn*
2012-09-28 01:12:49
2012-09-28 01:12:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM Jump scares just don’t *work* in microgravity.
2012-09-28 01:13:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM 14,000 years old. That’s even older than the StarGate!
2012-09-28 01:13:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Another thing burned to hell, and it’s a Draugr. Let’s take it on board!
2012-09-28 01:13:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I suspect it’s filled with nougat.”
2012-09-28 01:13:42
@ReasJack: @MockTM But he doesn’t look a day over 10000.
2012-09-28 01:13:48
@ColOfNature: @mocktm “cockamamie theory”. There’s a phrase doesn’t get used enough in real life.
2012-09-28 01:13:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ve run the carbon dating a number of times.” Because they know the decay rate of that thing’s origin planet. Suuure.
2012-09-28 01:14:07
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM It looks like an alien egg, but since we can’t know for sure, we’re going to pretend it is a cola can from out back
2012-09-28 01:14:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What is it with you? Are you the default jerk antagonist for this movie?”
2012-09-28 01:14:36
@ColOfNature: @mocktm I knew it
2012-09-28 01:14:56
@szvan: @MockTM Ah, the Buzz Aldrin school of acting.
2012-09-28 01:15:08
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Oh, robo-face-hugger. This is new.
2012-09-28 01:15:23
@brx0: @MockTM Mr. Haskell sneers at their puny ancient astronaut relics. I bet he gets et first.
2012-09-28 01:15:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Alien robot facehugger? Oh don’t worry. Ash will take out his chainsaw any minute now.
2012-09-28 01:16:02
@szvan: @MockTM Wow, wifi? This *is* science fiction.
2012-09-28 01:16:51
@ReasJack: @MockTM The eggs only hatch in the presence of spooky violin music.
2012-09-28 01:16:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That analysis is really really interested in the Draugr’s shoulders for some reason.
2012-09-28 01:17:08
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Oh noes, alien robot egg thingy, magical old skool computer thingy
2012-09-28 01:17:13
@szvan: @MockTM We can do a reconstruction with no data, right?
2012-09-28 01:17:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM I find it hard to believe they don’t leave anyone to watch what is potentially the most significant scientific discovery in ever…
2012-09-28 01:17:35
@mrfright: @MockTM Prometheus Crater would be a great rock band name
2012-09-28 01:17:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM SUIT RECONSTRUCTION? SHIP!? From what fucking data did you pull that analysis out of your ass?
2012-09-28 01:17:41
@ColOfNature: @mocktm We have to go back to the moon. Truer words…
2012-09-28 01:17:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Something tells me that Prometheus crater will be important.
2012-09-28 01:18:40
@brx0: @MockTM Alien robot watches some TV first thing. Now there’s a fun way to deliver a lot of backstory fast.
2012-09-28 01:18:43
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM “We have to go back to the moon!” maybe they can find the rest of the plot.
2012-09-28 01:18:48
@mrfright: @MockTM Is that robot having sex with the corpse?
2012-09-28 01:19:07
@brx0: @MockTM 20 years since Apollo, time to go back. This makes me sad.
2012-09-28 01:19:25
@szvan: @MockTM I’m completely ready to fly a ship I’ve never trained on. Right now!
2012-09-28 01:19:33
@CA7746: @MockTM No stuffed animal will be safe.
2012-09-28 01:19:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s aliiiive! ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!”
2012-09-28 01:20:16
@mrfright: @MockTM Chiks with clipboards are hot.
2012-09-28 01:20:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM If this movie were made today, the alien robot would be using nanobots. #trufax
2012-09-28 01:20:18
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM I wan’t to fly a ship into my brain…
2012-09-28 01:20:26
@mrfright: @MockTM Did I miss the party in the isolation room?
2012-09-28 01:20:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hot robot-on-secretary action??
2012-09-28 01:21:04
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh. An extra wanders in to where the alien was. This usually ends badly.
2012-09-28 01:21:12
@mrfright: @MockTM I’m pretty drunk…
2012-09-28 01:21:21
@CA7746: @MockTM THAT snuck up on her!?
2012-09-28 01:21:31
@szvan: @MockTM “All the electronics exploded! Let me call security on this intercom!”
2012-09-28 01:21:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Widespread damage by self-replicating robots, discovered by some Asian lady who’s about to die.
2012-09-28 01:21:38
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM AAAAHHHH! Someone poured sriracha onto my clipboard!
2012-09-28 01:22:01
@szvan: @MockTM Well, you see, we don’t really have the budget for a death scene.
2012-09-28 01:22:09
@ReasJack: @MockTM The most poorly staffed space program in the galaxy.
2012-09-28 01:22:10
@mrfright: @MockTM Coffee machine, you’re lucky I don’t have my chainsaw hand #firstEvilDeadReference
2012-09-28 01:22:15
@ColOfNature: @mrfright @MockTM It was a quiet affair…
2012-09-28 01:22:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @mrfright Second. I called him Ash earlier.
2012-09-28 01:22:55
@mrfright: @MockTM HIYA! That’s right, my groin bulge made you give me coffee.
2012-09-28 01:22:59
@brx0: @MockTM In the history of movies, whoever says “proper channels” is by definition not the protagonist.
2012-09-28 01:23:13
@ImprobableJoe: @ReasJack @MockTM You haven’t seen “Prometheus”…
2012-09-28 01:23:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM NASA-brand paramilitary is going to get the job done.
2012-09-28 01:23:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We don’t take no shit from a machine.” foreshadowing now reading over 9000.
2012-09-28 01:24:00
@ColOfNature: @mocktm No, never hostility! It’s only an8 foot high killing machine! It’s probably just misunderstood!
2012-09-28 01:24:20
@szvan: @MockTM And @BenZvan is very excited to be able to identify an InSoc sample.
2012-09-28 01:24:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ahaha! Bruce roundhouse kicks the coffee machine and says “I don’t take no shit from the machine.” FORESHADOWING
2012-09-28 01:24:29
@CA7746: @MockTM Randi, noooo!
2012-09-28 01:24:36
@CA7746: @MockTM The Amazing Vitruvian Man
2012-09-28 01:24:51
@BenZvan: @MockTM “Hey, we don’t take no shit from a machine…a machine….ma…chhhiinnnneeeee”
2012-09-28 01:24:59
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM … what the hell? This is a great moment for mankind! We can finally talk to a giant stupid plot point!
2012-09-28 01:25:01
@szvan: @MockTM This is our chance to…die horribly.
2012-09-28 01:25:04
@CA7746: @MockTM *robot sneezed*
2012-09-28 01:25:18
@ReasJack: @MockTM we have to meet it with human flesh
2012-09-28 01:25:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is our chance to meet with a non-human intelligence.” “And you pick fucking Cylon Megatron? No, go for guns.”
2012-09-28 01:25:24
@brx0: @MockTM THis also isn’t going to end well. Establishing contact. Coming in peace. Heh.
2012-09-28 01:25:31
2012-09-28 01:25:34
@BenZvan: @MockTM so now I know the kind of films @InSoc was into…
2012-09-28 01:25:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Ha ha! Your guns are no match for my pickaxe hand and electrospark eyes!”
2012-09-28 01:26:31
@mrfright: @MockTM I know, I’ll leave you assholes by escaping in the ducts!
2012-09-28 01:26:33
@BenZvan: @MockTM Quick! Everybody remove the magazines from your weapons! It will never suspect that!
2012-09-28 01:26:41
@szvan: @MockTM The best part of this scene is that Koenig is no longer trying to act like a leading man.
2012-09-28 01:27:07
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, wait.
2012-09-28 01:27:21
@ImprobableJoe: @MockTM Hah! You’re bulletproof, but we can’t just hide behind the same cheap thin aluminum scrap you’re made out of!
2012-09-28 01:27:44
@szvan: @MockTM Are shotguns standard NASA equipment?
2012-09-28 01:27:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Oh, if only Buff Van Der Huge were here!”
2012-09-28 01:27:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Ducts. Why is it always ducts?”
2012-09-28 01:28:11
@brx0: @MockTM Note the full size robot just moves its head and arms a little. Probably was surprisingly cheap to build.
2012-09-28 01:28:14
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Shoot weak point for Maximum Damage!
2012-09-28 01:28:22
@brx0: @MockTM “Over here, laser breath!” What does that even mean?
2012-09-28 01:28:29
@Cotesia1: @MockTM “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”
2012-09-28 01:28:32
@mrfright: @MockTM ok, gotta aim real careful with this shotgun, because it’s a precision weapon…
2012-09-28 01:28:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Over here laser breath!” “Hey, I take offense to that. I have robot halitosis and I struggle with social interactions.”
2012-09-28 01:29:25
@mrfright: @MockTM hey son, I’m breathing heavy, come here
2012-09-28 01:29:34
@szvan: @MockTM Apparently, NASA just needs to train its shooters better.
2012-09-28 01:29:43
@brx0: @MockTM That’s the deal with cyborgs. Always shoot for the human parts.
2012-09-28 01:30:10
@AndromedaGuys: @lousycanuck @mocktm yep! 😉
2012-09-28 01:30:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Ah, yes, I knew the veak point because zees robots vere invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.”
2012-09-28 01:30:28
@mrfright: @MockTM Dune buggy and surf board? How does that work?
2012-09-28 01:30:44
@szvan: @MockTM You mean he’s procreated?
2012-09-28 01:30:49
@mrfright: @MockTM BEST. TSHIRT. EVER.
2012-09-28 01:31:05
@brx0: @MockTM Chekhov’s not selling me on the whole musclebound action hero thing.
2012-09-28 01:31:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hi, mom! We’re having greaseburgers!”
2012-09-28 01:31:40
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Wow! Check out that hair!!
2012-09-28 01:31:42
@mrfright: @MockTM BOOBS
2012-09-28 01:31:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Yeah, just a second. (I think he’s bombed.)” Just like our audience!
2012-09-28 01:32:17
@brx0: @MockTM That humpback whale + moon shirt is kind of awesome though. Three Wolf Moon can go bite it.
2012-09-28 01:32:20
@CA7746: @MockTM Cut to mom working out…
2012-09-28 01:32:22
@ReasJack: @MockTM And for god sake put some pants on.
2012-09-28 01:32:48
@BenZvan: @MockTM Boobies! In! Space!
2012-09-28 01:33:04
@mrfright: @MockTM Guess what? We’re engaged!
2012-09-28 01:33:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM 80s movie. OBVIOUSLY there’s boobs.
2012-09-28 01:33:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM “No respect for America’s heroes in space.” Sums up this movie pretty well, actually.
2012-09-28 01:33:35
@brx0: @MockTM Gratuitous nekkidness!
2012-09-28 01:33:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Vat is this place, and vy are zere no dancing cat vomen?”
2012-09-28 01:34:02
@mrfright: @MockTM No, seriously, who is that guy Bruce is sitting with?
2012-09-28 01:34:03
@brx0: @MockTM Cover of Newsweek! Movie of the week! The sky’s the limit!
2012-09-28 01:34:20
@ReasJack: @MockTM Airports and spaceports, always with the strip clubs.
2012-09-28 01:34:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How’s your picture on the cover of Newsweek sound? No? How bout Rolling Stone?”
2012-09-28 01:34:32
@ColOfNature: @mrfright @MockTM Just this guy, you know?
2012-09-28 01:35:28
@mrfright: @MockTM Are their space suits made of felt?
2012-09-28 01:35:46
@CA7746: @MockTM Did we all just black out and miss the launch?
2012-09-28 01:36:08
@mrfright: @MockTM They’re still drunk, aren’t they?
2012-09-28 01:36:20
@brx0: @MockTM And poof, we’re on the moon. I really expected a little more Saturn V stock footage there.
2012-09-28 01:36:30
@szvan: @MockTM @CA7746 Wouldn’t that be nice?
2012-09-28 01:36:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So we’re on the moon now. That was a quick flight.
2012-09-28 01:36:45
@ColOfNature: @CA7746 @MockTM Too cheap even for transporter gfx
2012-09-28 01:36:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Man, it’s a good thing I don’t have anything to do on the Moon except stand around.”
2012-09-28 01:36:57
@brx0: @MockTM Soundstage! This looks faked! Conspiracy!
2012-09-28 01:37:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Always wanted to run down a hill and fall on your ass on really sharp moon dust. Good job.
2012-09-28 01:37:39
@brx0: @MockTM Also, you aren’t really supposed to do that in a lunar spacesuit.
2012-09-28 01:37:43
@mrfright: @MockTM Oh man, he can have my body anytime!
2012-09-28 01:37:44
@szvan: @MockTM Actually, slowing down the film doesn’t make them look like their in low gravity. Sorry to have to tell you.
2012-09-28 01:37:55
@ReasJack: @MockTM Keep reaching for your dreams.
2012-09-28 01:37:57
@mrfright: @MockTM This movie needs more lasers. And boobs.
2012-09-28 01:38:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hm. It’s “the Penetrator” versus an Imperial Probe Droid. #NotedWithoutFurtherComment
2012-09-28 01:38:45
@mrfright: @MockTM LASER BOOBS!!!
2012-09-28 01:38:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude, airplanes work best in an atmosphere. Yes, even your F-14. You’re still drunk aren’t you?
2012-09-28 01:38:55
@brx0: @MockTM D’oh, your LEM’s getting assimilated!
2012-09-28 01:39:15
@BenZvan: @MockTM The F-14 Tomcat is an impressive machine, but I doubt it’s ability to operate in vacuum.
2012-09-28 01:39:27
@mrfright: @MockTM fucking frisbees, how do they work?
2012-09-28 01:39:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM How did they know where on the Moon to land?
2012-09-28 01:39:29
@szvan: @MockTM I’m sure they’ll never notice the divots.
2012-09-28 01:39:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Tag, moon lander! You’re it! Now come get me!”
2012-09-28 01:39:37
@mrfright: @MockTM Does that orbital pilot sound really sexy, or is just me?
2012-09-28 01:39:53
@CA7746: @MockTM Ah, mission control. I was beginning to think it was just the 3 of them.
2012-09-28 01:40:01
@ColOfNature: @mocktm “…admiring the jungle plants in Vietnam. During combat. While they burned. Agent Orange. I’m talking about Agent Orange.”
2012-09-28 01:40:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Is it weird that I’m doing the Imperial Probe noise every time that cylon probe thingy pops out of the moon dust?
2012-09-28 01:41:03
@szvan: @MockTM This is supposed to be banter, isn’t it? Oh, dear.
2012-09-28 01:41:31
@mrfright: @MockTM god… damn… base….
2012-09-28 01:41:33
@BenZvan: @MockTM The moon is made of talcum powder.
2012-09-28 01:41:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM All that base will belong to US!
2012-09-28 01:42:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You never saw it in orbit, but it’s got a green laser gem on top. Cripes. You people are all blind!
2012-09-28 01:42:14
@mrfright: @MockTM now all of a sudden they have their rover buggy thing
2012-09-28 01:42:23
@ColOfNature: @lousycanuck @MockTM Oh man, I thought it was just me!
2012-09-28 01:42:30
@mrfright: @MockTM It’s time to pray
2012-09-28 01:42:50
@mrfright: @MockTM Heratio… I knew him
2012-09-28 01:43:05
@BenZvan: @MockTM Talcum powder and tiny model moon rovers.
2012-09-28 01:43:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No watch out you’re gonna crash right into the base — oh, perspective. Okay. Carry on.
2012-09-28 01:43:08
@mrfright: @MockTM We forgot something… the plot
2012-09-28 01:43:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well. Justin Credible. Let’s do it.” “Uh, no, Justin Credible’s a pro wrestler, we’re astronauts.”
2012-09-28 01:43:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Shouldn’t they be taking pictures or something?
2012-09-28 01:43:42
@mrfright: @MockTM @blakestacey fuck pictures, we got gunZZZ!
2012-09-28 01:44:44
@brx0: @MockTM Don’t they seem a bit, I dunno, lightly armed wandering into an ancient alien moonbase like this?
2012-09-28 01:44:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Uzis on the moon. Maybe something that doesn’t depend on combustion, next time you’re prepping an assault on a moon base? Just sayin
2012-09-28 01:45:06
@mrfright: @MockTM sorry, I got gas
2012-09-28 01:46:06
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Whaddaya know, aliens have five fingered appendages. Hopefully those appendages are hands.
2012-09-28 01:46:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Whaddaya think?” “Looks like a human hand scanner to me, dude. What were you saying about bar mitzvahs? Maybe a bris?”
2012-09-28 01:46:31
2012-09-28 01:46:52
@mrfright: @MockTM I still can’t read
2012-09-28 01:47:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM Guns that small, on an American space mission? I think not.
2012-09-28 01:47:30
@brx0: @MockTM Ancient alien airlock. Helmets coming off shortly, because everybody trusts ancient alien airlocks. What could go wrong?
2012-09-28 01:47:34
@mrfright: @MockTM My god she’s alive.. and HOT!
2012-09-28 01:47:39
@ColOfNature: @mocktm DON’T TRUST HER! SHE’S A GO’AOULD!
2012-09-28 01:47:53
@BenZvan: @MockTM It’s a woman…moar boobies?
2012-09-28 01:48:01
@CA7746: @MockTM That lunar dust won’t wreck your lungs or anything.
2012-09-28 01:48:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “My god, she’s alive. And more importantly she’s breathing vacuum.”
2012-09-28 01:48:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t let her go.” “Ha ha, gotcher gun!” “Look goddammit we’re human. And breathing vacuum too.”
2012-09-28 01:49:25
@mrfright: @MockTM That was my husband… Hey space man, wanna hook up?
2012-09-28 01:49:34
@CA7746: @MockTM Speaking of hooking up…
2012-09-28 01:50:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oi, will someone please turn off that proximity alarm? What’s going to get near the lander on the MOON? Come on!!”
2012-09-28 01:51:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The surprise package? In what movie is that not a nuke?
2012-09-28 01:51:50
@brx0: @MockTM Oh good, she has a spacesuit too. That’s convenient.
2012-09-28 01:51:55
@mrfright: @MockTM Is this over yet? Am I done?
2012-09-28 01:52:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That thing’s supposed to work after all these centuries?” “Hell, SHE works after all these centuries. Suspend disbelief dude!”
2012-09-28 01:52:27
@CA7746: @MockTM That spider had allergies too.
2012-09-28 01:52:38
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Did he just say “it’s God”?
2012-09-28 01:53:12
@szvan: @MockTM I suppose that keeping fight scenes short does save on the FX budget.
2012-09-28 01:53:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Advise on team status.” “They seem to have found a moon princess. Over.”
2012-09-28 01:53:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What the hell was that?” “Spider droid. You don’t have those where you come from?”
2012-09-28 01:53:27
@mrfright: @MockTM mmm… nominal
2012-09-28 01:53:37
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Oh, “it’s gone”. my mistake.
2012-09-28 01:53:40
@brx0: @MockTM They have about one model shot of the Apollo capsule, don’t they?
2012-09-28 01:53:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What bodily part would you prefer to sit on, control?
2012-09-28 01:54:00
@brx0: @MockTM The alien robo dudes have graduated to Grand Theft LEM. The bastards!
2012-09-28 01:54:33
@mrfright: @MockTM ho boy, blank out stage. Why am I following twitter and youtube?
2012-09-28 01:55:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I think we have a different definition of “nominal”, Control.
2012-09-28 01:55:01
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Walk? This is the moon! We BOUNCE!
2012-09-28 01:55:05
@szvan: @MockTM It’s so nice that the suit radios are compatible after all these millennia.
2012-09-28 01:55:08
@stillchip: @brx0 @MockTM We even assume they breathe the same air mix.
2012-09-28 01:55:18
@mrfright: @MockTM Fantastic view of the moon…. from the moon.
2012-09-28 01:55:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Good time to try the skippy kangaroo hop!”
2012-09-28 01:55:57
@szvan: @MockTM “Okay, Einstein. What next?” “Next I beat you until you forget I ever told you my nickname.”
2012-09-28 01:56:05
@CA7746: @MockTM A sandcrawler? Our alien tech scavengers are Jawas.
2012-09-28 01:56:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We walk.” “Great plan Einstein. No wonder you have that nickname.”
2012-09-28 01:56:09
@ColOfNature: @brx0 @MockTM And there’s never a Lunar Cop when you need one!
2012-09-28 01:56:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Ok, everybody together now: And everything under the sun is in tune…”
2012-09-28 01:56:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Dude, I said walk, not trudge. This is the MOON, okay?!”
2012-09-28 01:56:41
2012-09-28 01:57:07
@ColOfNature: @mrfright @MockTM following youtube? I know a therapist.
2012-09-28 01:57:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’re not going up against that alone.” “Okay, but one of us has to put on a red shirt. ”
2012-09-28 01:57:41
@mrfright: @MockTM No Bruce!
2012-09-28 01:57:43
@mrfright: @MockTM this MIDI sound track is leaving me in suspense
2012-09-28 01:58:16
@BenZvan: @MockTM Guns are much more accurate when you scream at them.
2012-09-28 01:58:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “In space, no one can hear you overact.”
2012-09-28 01:58:54
@brx0: @MockTM It’s not a B movie without a Bruce Campbell death scene.
2012-09-28 01:59:03
@szvan: @MockTM And the last reason left to watch this movie dies. Badly.
2012-09-28 01:59:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lucky being thrown across the Moon landscape only provided injuries and not explosive decompression or anything.
2012-09-28 01:59:11
@mrfright: @MockTM fire the retros!
2012-09-28 01:59:16
@BenZvan: @MockTM why do they keep calling Checkov Jason?
2012-09-28 02:00:01
@CA7746: @MockTM And… Shop Smart… Shop S-mart.
2012-09-28 02:00:18
@mrfright: @MockTM Remember one thing! We dont’ take no shit from no machine! So don’t act crazy when the printer doesn’t work!
2012-09-28 02:00:20
@brx0: @MockTM Wow, whatsisname the CM pilot sure gave up easy. Aaand back to the Bruce death scene.
2012-09-28 02:00:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Oh, Jesus…Damn you for…hey, I guess I get the Moon princess by default.”
2012-09-28 02:00:46
@ColOfNature: @mocktm <vader>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!</vader>
2012-09-28 02:00:50
@szvan: @MockTM And you can tell he’s dead because his visor *completely* fogged over with his…breath.
2012-09-28 02:01:14
2012-09-28 02:01:49
@mrfright: @MockTM Ok, so my hot wife is downstairs wondering what the fuck I’m doing. I might be bowing out soon…
2012-09-28 02:02:17
@brx0: @MockTM She’s all, I busted out of 14000 years of suspended animation for this crap?
2012-09-28 02:02:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Luckily he has this inflate-a-moon-igloo, now with airlock.
2012-09-28 02:03:11
@mrfright: @MockTM mmm… someone young…
2012-09-28 02:03:11
@szvan: @MockTM That’s the crappiest airlock I’ve ever seen.
2012-09-28 02:03:32
@ColOfNature: @mocktm actually I’d be more amused by: ‘<vader>spoon</vader>’ as shorthand for ‘spooooooooooooooooon!’
2012-09-28 02:03:50
@szvan: @MockTM The interior, however, I think I’ve seen in a Bond movie. This means I know what’s coming next.
2012-09-28 02:03:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Here comes the boobies everyone was looking for.
2012-09-28 02:04:06
@mrfright: @MockTM Did she say Jason or Jesus? This is important.
2012-09-28 02:04:11
@szvan: @MockTM It’s funny how hairstyles haven’t changed in 14,000 years. What goes around comes around?
2012-09-28 02:04:34
@mrfright: @MockTM We’re back to boobies, it’s ok
2012-09-28 02:04:56
@CA7746: @MockTM Her people had a strange funeral custom.
2012-09-28 02:05:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, she — from her point of view — just lost her beloved. And she’s already going for Chekov in an inflate-an-igloo. WHAT.
2012-09-28 02:05:06
@ColOfNature: @mocktm i.e. the <vader> tag means a huge expansion of the vowel, with exclamation
2012-09-28 02:05:25
@brx0: @MockTM Inflatable moon tent is kind of cool.
2012-09-28 02:05:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Mm, your breath tastes like, uh, 14,000 years of suspended animation. Maybe I have a space mint around here somewhere…”
2012-09-28 02:05:27
@mrfright: @MockTM It was nice, but I gotta put my space suit back on…
2012-09-28 02:05:35
@ColOfNature: @mocktm i’m very drunk
2012-09-28 02:05:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ten thousand years of separation, and I’m sure they’re still copulatorily compatible. And no bacteria differences or anything.
2012-09-28 02:06:06
@mrfright: @MockTM Carry me
2012-09-28 02:06:27
@BenZvan: @MockTM Well that was quick…but I suppose…it had been 14,000 years for her…
2012-09-28 02:06:30
@szvan: @MockTM If they’d made this movie 10 years later, we’d have gotten astronaut butt too…. I can’t really say I’m sorry.
2012-09-28 02:06:47
@CA7746: @MockTM The End
2012-09-28 02:06:50
@Cotesia1: @MockTM – and again they skipped “the launch”.
2012-09-28 02:06:59
@brx0: @MockTM More 80s nekkidness! 250,000 mile high club!
2012-09-28 02:07:09
@mrfright: @MockTM @ColOfNature Welcome!
2012-09-28 02:07:15
@brx0: @MockTM Time for the moonwalk of shame…
2012-09-28 02:07:37
@CA7746: @MockTM They cut both launches to make room for that vital igloo scene.
2012-09-28 02:07:52
@mrfright: @MockTM Nice sweat pants and shirts… IN SPACE!
2012-09-28 02:08:20
@BenZvan: @MockTM @brx0 one day, I hope to take a picture of the moonwalk of shame.
2012-09-28 02:08:23
@CA7746: @MockTM Take yer time.
2012-09-28 02:09:18
@mrfright: @MockTM Im just gonna BEAT THE ROBOT WITH A FOREARM!!
2012-09-28 02:09:23
@szvan: @MockTM Well, this is just gratuitous. And in this movie, that’s saying something.
2012-09-28 02:09:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The robot cut off a flap of clothing and somehow it sprayed Chekov with blood?
2012-09-28 02:09:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Man save Wo-Man with Blunt Ob-ject!
2012-09-28 02:09:57
@szvan: @MockTM If she could speak English, she’d say, “Hit it in its weak spot, you asshole!”
2012-09-28 02:10:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, Chekov found a serendipitiously placed Berserker Pack and punched the crap out of the robot.
2012-09-28 02:10:31
@mrfright: @MockTM The 14,000 woman knows how to fly a NASA shuttle, that’s cool.
2012-09-28 02:11:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How many bullets is in that Uzi?” “All of them.” “Right.”
2012-09-28 02:11:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Intrepid has cleared the tower.” Why don’t they ever just name a spaceship the USS Ballsy?
2012-09-28 02:11:25
@DrRubidium: ARGH. Totes forgot about @MockTM. I sense missing over an hour of this movie might actually improve it… 😀
2012-09-28 02:12:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now, we remembered to pack the cargo bay with guns and nukes, right?”
2012-09-28 02:12:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The follow-up mission has Lando Calrissian on it? Why the hell wasn’t he on the A-Team? Oh right, because black guy and woman.
2012-09-28 02:12:46
@szvan: @DrRubidium Oh, yes. I can’t even tell you how much. @MockTM
2012-09-28 02:12:56
@brx0: @MockTM Stock shuttle footage. But no stock Saturn V footage earlier. Beats me.
2012-09-28 02:13:11
@mrfright: @MockTM insertion complete. I heard that one before.
2012-09-28 02:14:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, now they’re ripping off the scene from Star Trek: The Motion Picture where Spock goes all 2001: A Space Odyssey. Triple ref!
2012-09-28 02:14:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “My God, it’s full of eggs!”
2012-09-28 02:14:52
@mrfright: @MockTM I have no idea what the fuck is going on
2012-09-28 02:15:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM starting movie nearly 1 hr 15 minutes late. Already I HATE this movie
2012-09-28 02:15:35
@ColOfNature: @MockTM does’t that sound like the tron 2.0 soundtrack to a anyone?
2012-09-28 02:16:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Why the Hell is an Apollo lander the piece of equipment they needed…oh, never mind.
2012-09-28 02:16:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What exactly was so vital about a lunar lander that they’d wait 14000 years to use it to complete their dreadnaught!?
2012-09-28 02:16:53
@szvan: @MockTM I…what…no. Just….no.
2012-09-28 02:16:59
@CA7746: @MockTM Missiles? Where?
2012-09-28 02:17:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Mira, I wouldn’t trust his crazy ass either
2012-09-28 02:17:03
@mrfright: @MockTM surprise surpise. ?
2012-09-28 02:17:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Intrepid’s gone!” “Uh, no damage, Control. WTF are you on?”
2012-09-28 02:17:48
@szvan: @MockTM When an electronic spark knocks a spaceship wildly out of orbit…yeah, still no.
2012-09-28 02:18:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM A space shuttle with missiles? Which 8-year-old wrote this script?
2012-09-28 02:18:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM BLACK ASTRONAUT IS STILL ALIVE? In a movie made in 1989?!?!?!?!
2012-09-28 02:18:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there are a LOT of 1970s porn staches in this movie
2012-09-28 02:18:58
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, this must be the “surprise package” they did all that foreshadowing about earlier.
2012-09-28 02:19:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hell of a recoil on that baby… that’s how you know it was made in the U.S. motherfuckin’ second amendment in SPACE A.
2012-09-28 02:20:05
@mrfright: @MockTM God damn government contracters…
2012-09-28 02:20:09
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what’s up with eerie blue light? Seriously, who’s lighting this thing? CSI:Miami?
2012-09-28 02:20:11
@szvan: @MockTM In which our hero, who has piloted shuttle missions, finally figures out conservation of momentum.
2012-09-28 02:20:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay now lazily pick Chekov and Mira up.
2012-09-28 02:20:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM missiles on the space shuttle? Um, @NASA, you have some explaining to do…
2012-09-28 02:21:03
@brx0: @MockTM Suddenly, Chekhov discovers 0g physics! They’re saved!
2012-09-28 02:21:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Goddamn government contractors”?! What a one-liner! Koenig is the man!
2012-09-28 02:21:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Really bad acting. To be fair, it’s better than Two Headed Shark Attack
2012-09-28 02:21:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh it’s so sweet how terrible you are at English after just a night on Earth.
2012-09-28 02:22:19
@szvan: @MockTM I wonder where they found an actress short enough….
2012-09-28 02:22:24
@brx0: @MockTM No space debris! Now that’s a fancy bomb.
2012-09-28 02:22:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why does NASA have the smallest viewing screens EVER? It’s NASA! #embiggin
2012-09-28 02:22:31
@mrfright: @MockTM Ok, my inebriation is giving me less speech than these people. Good night!
2012-09-28 02:22:39
@lousycanuck: @szvan Short enough to be shorter than Koenig? Yeah… um… @MockTM
2012-09-28 02:23:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM no good comes from something crawling out of a pod
2012-09-28 02:23:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM THE END!???
2012-09-28 02:23:11
@szvan: @MockTM Sequel!
2012-09-28 02:23:13
@mrfright: @MockTM can I curl up and cry now?
2012-09-28 02:23:41
@szvan: @MockTM If they do a sequel, will things actually happen.
2012-09-28 02:23:41
@brx0: @MockTM Now we realize why they didn’t give here a lot of dialogue earlier.
2012-09-28 02:23:50
@CA7746: @MockTM Scavenger robots from a junkyard. Could they be… Gremlins?
2012-09-28 02:23:55
@lousycanuck: @MocktM Lesson for this movie: boobies are more important than breathing oxygen. And moon igloos are good sex pads.
2012-09-28 02:24:09
@brx0: @MockTM Alien pod in a junkyard! Sequel!
2012-09-28 02:24:26
@szvan: @MockTM Tonight’s lesson: Plot required.
2012-09-28 02:24:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that comb-over is AWFUL. Like Donald Trump AWFUL
2012-09-28 02:24:55
@szvan: @MockTM Also, @groovybruce makes a movie better, but there are some things he can’t make good.
2012-09-28 02:25:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I only saw 10 minutes of this movie and I wish more characters had been taken out by that blast
2012-09-28 02:25:32
@CA7746: @MockTM A whole invasion force got taken out.
2012-09-28 02:25:52
@lousycanuck: @szvan @MockTM @groovybruce Yeah, sorry buddy, but even with Walter Koenig, you couldn’t make that plot… you know, watchable.
2012-09-28 02:25:52
@lousycanuck: @szvan @MockTM @groovybruce Also, I hope that you are, you know, HONORED by the fact that we’re making fun of Moon Trap. Love you, dude.
2012-09-28 02:26:52
@szvan: @MockTM Lesson: There are some movies even alcohol can’t improve.
2012-09-28 02:27:22
@brx0: @mocktm @szvan Forced perspective. Plus he was standing on a box or something.
2012-09-28 02:37:38
@OscartheOrange: @DrRubidium @mocktm almost always true, what about single serve coffee pods?! #theresalwaysoneineverycrowd
2012-09-28 02:52:09
@ImprobableJoe: @szvan @MockTM Yeah… I’m sorry to say I gave up early. That wasn’t “so bad it is good” as much as “so bad I can’t be bothered.”
2012-09-28 03:04:34
@brx0: @MockTM Tonight’s film would have been vastly improved had they swapped Hero and Sidekick. Bruce Campbell FTW.
2012-09-28 03:45:42
@brx0: @lousycanuck @szvan @MockTM Wish @groovybruce played the lead role in Moontrap instead of that other guy. *That* would be a proper movie.
2012-09-28 03:49:53

Mock The Movie: Moontrap transcript and subtitle files

3 thoughts on “Mock The Movie: Moontrap transcript and subtitle files

  1. 3

    I was at a science fiction in England the year this opened, and they made a big deal about how this was where the splash premiere of the movie was going to be. They had several bigwigs associated with the movie there for the premiere, and I think they were supposed to do Q&A afterwards. I remember the atmosphere in the audience as the awful waves of badness rolled across us. I remember the hoots of obvious derision. I don’t think they ended up having the Q&A — I think the movie people slunk away into the night.

    The sad thing was that this was probably Koenig’s only shot to become a star, and I’m sure the big cloud of stink wasn’t really his fault. At least, not entirely his fault.

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