Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

The full transcript for Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator. Stephanie has posted the trailer here in an effort to whip us into shape. We also brainstormed on movies last week, and picked over a dozen from and Netflix to kickstart this. As always, please, make your suggestions. Easily-obtained is far preferable for widest audience, and ~3-4 stars on IMDB seems to be about the sweet spot. We want stinkers, but not completely unwatchable ones. Those just aren’t any fun at all.

I joined ~25 mins late, but apparently didn’t miss a thing. Godfrey Ho has a tendency of mashing together two separate movies. There’s good reason to speculate that he takes existing Oriental martial arts movies and adds a separate or intertwined storyline starring white people so it’ll sell in the West. I think, though, that it’s just as likely he’s building movies out of pirated clips from other movies. He’s done it so often with the music that it certainly wouldn’t surprise me.

Anyway, this movie contains ninja by the metric ass-load, but the closest thing to a terminator we see is a toy robot. An EEEEEVIL toy robot. Oh, and a triforce Golden Ninja Statue that must be reassembled. And a cameo by everyone’s favorite cartoon cat. No, seriously.

As always, below the fold.

@CyberLizard: @MockTM All queued up like a Brit and ready to go 🙂
2012-08-03 00:43:36
@brx0: @MockTM is easy: Start the awful movie in 15 minutes w/ the rest of us, and tweet to @MockTM so you don’t spam your poor followers.
2012-08-03 00:47:26
@brx0: @MockTM Jelly jar of box wine procured. Ready for this as I’m likely to be.
2012-08-03 00:55:14
@brx0: @MockTM Btw, someone’s fan page about the star of tonight’s film:
2012-08-03 00:57:25
@brx0: .@MockTM We begin with pirated theme music from Star Wars. This seems promising so far.
2012-08-03 00:59:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM Pushing play….
2012-08-03 01:00:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Lady Gaga presents!
2012-08-03 01:00:32
@Rowsdower30: @mocktm So,does the title mean someone’s terminating ninjas,orrrr….well,we’ll find out
2012-08-03 01:00:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM We seem to’ve tapped a rich vein of John Williams clips…
2012-08-03 01:00:49
@szvan: @MockTM And the movie starts with musical whiplash. I’ll be over here in the corner, holding my head very, very still.
2012-08-03 01:01:06
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie is improved by 500% if you mute the soundtrack
2012-08-03 01:01:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM this is the music ITT Tech would use to advertise a martial-arts course
2012-08-03 01:01:21
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Chrome sex toys?…
2012-08-03 01:01:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM Getting into the xmas spirit!
2012-08-03 01:01:43
@brx0: @MockTM “Directed by Godfrey Ho”. Always a good sign… Heh…
2012-08-03 01:02:02
@DrRubidium: @MockTM you say “Japan”, I say Japanese tea garden in LA
2012-08-03 01:02:05
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM When I think of Japan, I think of 70S DISCO MUSIC!
2012-08-03 01:02:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM the credits music just *doesn’t* *give* *up*!
2012-08-03 01:02:22
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Ninja ‘stache!
2012-08-03 01:02:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Vincent-san, we happy?
2012-08-03 01:02:38
@szvan: @MockTM Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today….
2012-08-03 01:02:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that is totally some dude’s house in The Valley
2012-08-03 01:02:48
@brx0: @MockTM “Hey guys, our figurine from the Franklin Mint just arrived!”
2012-08-03 01:02:58
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Lando Calrissian?!
2012-08-03 01:02:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, if the tree’s sturdy, it should be able to hold the weight.”
2012-08-03 01:03:05
@BenZvan: @MockTM What’s with the ninjas? I thought we were watching 50 shades of grey…
2012-08-03 01:03:17
@brx0: @MockTM The ninja empire’s only 20 years old? So, 1965? Huh.
2012-08-03 01:03:22
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ninjas are a bit heavy handed with the eyeliner pencil
2012-08-03 01:03:31
@szvan: @MockTM The eyeliner is functional. It cuts down on red light glare.
2012-08-03 01:03:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Master, we took care of the place while you were away.”
2012-08-03 01:03:37
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “Can I have a turn making the model?”
2012-08-03 01:03:38
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “My mom made me this hood”
2012-08-03 01:03:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah! Wesley turned it into a *repulsor* beam!
2012-08-03 01:04:15
@BenZvan: @MockTM I store our entire supreme power in this statue I bought at World Market.
2012-08-03 01:04:18
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, our hero wants to test the boss’s new invulnerability. So there *is* a role for skepticism in ninjutsu. Good to know.
2012-08-03 01:04:20
@DrRubidium: @MockTM FYI, you can buy that exact statue from SkyMall
2012-08-03 01:04:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, a ninja terminator. Does that divide ninja day from ninja night?
2012-08-03 01:04:56
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Supreme Ninja- now with extra sauce!
2012-08-03 01:04:57
@brx0: @MockTM And just like that, our heroes(?) steal the figurine. So at least the plot moves fast.
2012-08-03 01:05:05
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why is there a 70s porn stache in my awful 80s ninja movie?
2012-08-03 01:05:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ninja temple, and branch library!
2012-08-03 01:05:22
@brx0: @MockTM Btw, who ever heard of a ninja wearing red?
2012-08-03 01:05:36
@szvan: @MockTM You’re in a maze of (non)twisty passages, all alike.
2012-08-03 01:05:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ninja temple, and community college communications-studies building!
2012-08-03 01:05:55
@CyberLizard: @MockTM I think the Power Rangers invaded my ninja movie
2012-08-03 01:06:02
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, where did that sword come from? Thin air? Magic?
2012-08-03 01:06:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Color-coded, for your inconvenience.
2012-08-03 01:06:14
@BenZvan: @MockTM The best ninjas use synthesizers AND harmonicas.
2012-08-03 01:06:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Look, don’t worry about running fast. We’ll play back this section at high speed”
2012-08-03 01:06:27
@brx0: @MockTM Oh nothing, just cartwheeling around looking for the stolen Franklin Mint figurine.
2012-08-03 01:06:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM Are the cartwheels really necessary?
2012-08-03 01:07:01
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Red ninjas-now with new “Invisible Blood”!
2012-08-03 01:07:06
@CyberLizard: @MockTM It’s all fun and games till someone takes a shiruken to the neck
2012-08-03 01:07:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why the hell is everybody hiding in the bushes?
2012-08-03 01:07:30
@szvan: @MockTM Wow, that throwing star turned that guys head clean around! They *are* ninjas.
2012-08-03 01:07:36
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand we’re in Hong Kong. Suddenly the invulnerability stuff doesn’t work so well. Beats me why.
2012-08-03 01:07:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ninjas in capes? REALLY?!
2012-08-03 01:08:13
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM They use his mug shot for a memorial photo?
2012-08-03 01:08:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Throwing stars induce constipation. Good to know.
2012-08-03 01:08:23
@CyberLizard: @MockTM It’s not a surprise he’s dead. I mean, wearing a hoodie? C’mon! 😛
2012-08-03 01:08:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Why did God do this to us?” “Because *somebody* didn’t eat at Chick-Fil-A.”
2012-08-03 01:08:53
@szvan: @MockTM It’s so good to know the scriptwriters (as such) went to the trouble to learn about Japanese death rituals.
2012-08-03 01:09:07
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Brother Backstory
2012-08-03 01:09:24
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Ed Wood?!>
2012-08-03 01:09:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It just doesn’t make any sense at all…” THANK YOU, MOVIE
2012-08-03 01:09:37
@brx0: @MockTM Now that’s a wig. That *is* a wig, right?
2012-08-03 01:09:50
@szvan: @MockTM “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just like victim-blaming at funerals.”
2012-08-03 01:09:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM His Lady Gaga impression leaves much to be desired
2012-08-03 01:09:55
@Million_Gods: @MockTM How do you know he is a Ninja? Ninja Lamps!
2012-08-03 01:10:13
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, gotta collect the whole set or no invulnerability. Damn Franklin Mint…
2012-08-03 01:10:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM golden ninja wig!
2012-08-03 01:10:21
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Like a Virgin…
2012-08-03 01:10:38
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “No power can stop my ninja bangs…”
2012-08-03 01:10:45
@BenZvan: @MockTM I think this movie is dubbed in English from the original English.
2012-08-03 01:10:56
@DrRubidium: @MockTM THAT WIG! Ok, movie, you’ve redeemed yourself 😀
2012-08-03 01:11:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Bring me the final piece of the Triforce!”
2012-08-03 01:11:24
@brx0: @MockTM “Hey, let’s get out and walk around in this deserted area!” “Great idea!”
2012-08-03 01:11:34
@BenZvan: @MockTM Ninjas AND blaxploitation! This just gets better and better!!!
2012-08-03 01:11:35
@szvan: @MockTM Dude doesn’t need the knife. The outfit alone could kill.
2012-08-03 01:11:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM why are you holding a knife like that? What is this, West Side Story?
2012-08-03 01:11:59
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Gallagher?!
2012-08-03 01:12:07
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Someone’s been shopping at Bass Pro Shops.
2012-08-03 01:12:13
@brx0: @MockTM Ninja camo!
2012-08-03 01:12:14
@CyberLizard: @MockTM When did this become a rave?
2012-08-03 01:12:38
@BenZvan: @MockTM David Bowie!!! With a katana!!! in camouflage!!! ….and fire dancing? Okay.
2012-08-03 01:12:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now… picnic time.”
2012-08-03 01:12:50
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I’m playing helicopter, Mommy!
2012-08-03 01:12:51
@brx0: @MockTM Gratuitous ninja-firedancing-at-night sequence. With drum machines.
2012-08-03 01:12:55
@szvan: @MockTM Is this a ninja movie or a Better Homes and Gardens, themed-party-edition commercial?
2012-08-03 01:13:03
@DrRubidium: @MockTM sweet mother. Camouflage ninja. With a porn stache.
2012-08-03 01:13:17
@brx0: @MockTM Are steamed crabs *anyone’s* favorite dish?
2012-08-03 01:13:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, the body of the Triforce Statue is hidden at Burning Man?
2012-08-03 01:13:28
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “The crabs shall bear the wrath of the ninja!”
2012-08-03 01:13:55
@brx0: @MockTM Our hero to the rescue! Crab’s still moving though. #NinjaFail.
2012-08-03 01:13:59
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Ah bright orange! The stealthiest of Ninja Colours.
2012-08-03 01:14:05
@szvan: @MockTM Aw, isn’t it just so cute that she’s all helpless and shit?
2012-08-03 01:14:06
@brx0: @MockTM Garfield phone!
2012-08-03 01:14:17
@BenZvan: @MockTM I’m going to cook you some crabs–ohmygodtherescrabs!inhere!!
2012-08-03 01:14:24
@CyberLizard: @MockTM I just can’t take a ninja seriously unless he has a Garfield phone.
2012-08-03 01:14:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, crabs are scary.
2012-08-03 01:14:25
@szvan: @MockTM Maybe it isn’t fair to mock the costuming choices, but I need every defense I have against the 80s.
2012-08-03 01:14:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “violent murder this very morning? too bad, eh. ciao.”
2012-08-03 01:14:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fun fact: that phone never works on Mondays.
2012-08-03 01:15:42
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “Around here, we don’t eat… we play baseball. And do ninja shit”
2012-08-03 01:15:51
@brx0: @MockTM The Jersey wise guy accents aren’t incongruous or anything.
2012-08-03 01:16:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I think it’s safe to say we’ve hit the max of 70s porn stache allowed in a non-porn movie
2012-08-03 01:16:02
@Million_Gods: @MockTM The tiny shuriken! My only weakness!
2012-08-03 01:16:34
@BenZvan: @MockTM Let me introduce you to my ninja friend Harpo.
2012-08-03 01:16:54
@brx0: @MockTM Yeah, this guy’s one cool customer. Didn’t even stop chewing his gum while beating those guys up.
2012-08-03 01:16:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM yet another fight scene made obsolete by the iPhone. ::sigh::
2012-08-03 01:17:05
@szvan: @MockTM Yes, yes. We get that he’s an asshole, but can he move the plot?
2012-08-03 01:17:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Yes, I’d like to start with the kick-your-ass rangoons.”
2012-08-03 01:17:43
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m sorry to hear about the death of your brothers, but have you heard about my penis?”
2012-08-03 01:18:07
@BenZvan: @MockTM “But have you heard the story of the golden ninja warrior?” bow-chicka-bow-wow.
2012-08-03 01:18:17
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM LOL
2012-08-03 01:18:46
@Million_Gods: @MockTM My mighty powers of cogitation deduce that Tomashi… was murdered…
2012-08-03 01:19:03
@brx0: @MockTM Random parking lot Kung Fu smackdown. No obvious ninjas.
2012-08-03 01:19:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I wouldn’t be sorry if the statue came to life and killed every last one of these sons of bitches
2012-08-03 01:19:22
@brx0: @MockTM “Now you’ve gotten a taste of my Jaguar technique!”
2012-08-03 01:19:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I hope that guy beats the Jive talking guy to death. Who’s with me?
2012-08-03 01:19:55
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Stalking the sideboard
2012-08-03 01:20:06
@Million_Gods: @MockTM The other villain is so villainous that he stole an old lady’s wig and pant suit…
2012-08-03 01:20:29
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Jaguar technique”? That’s what that is?
2012-08-03 01:20:29
@brx0: @MockTM Red ninja sneaking around, totally not visible or anything.
2012-08-03 01:20:34
@szvan: @MockTM I wear my red ninja suit to blend in with the cherry wood furniture.
2012-08-03 01:20:49
@BenZvan: @MockTM @DrRubidium I am hip to your jive.
2012-08-03 01:20:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM the cookies are almost ready…MWAH HAHAHA
2012-08-03 01:21:00
@BenZvan: @MockTM @Rowsdower30 Oooh…cookies…
2012-08-03 01:21:23
@drskyskull: Gaah! I forgot about @MockTM again!!!
2012-08-03 01:21:25
@brx0: @MockTM …and Our Hero arrives home. Red ninja attempts to hide…
2012-08-03 01:21:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM I always keep *my* golden ninja statues in cabinets I got at the furniture store’s going-out-of-business sale!
2012-08-03 01:21:36
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Instant ninja!
2012-08-03 01:21:38
@brx0: @MockTM …but our hero slips into something more comfortable: Ninja camo!
2012-08-03 01:21:54
@Million_Gods: @MockTM today’s movie is an inspiration for Fruit Ninja.
2012-08-03 01:21:54
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Ninja by day, redneck by night
2012-08-03 01:22:03
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM Join in at minute 22! There are ninjas. And a statue.
2012-08-03 01:22:08
@szvan: @MockTM Silly me. I thought the camouflage ninja suit was just for practice. No. It’s how we know he’s American.
2012-08-03 01:22:29
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Just what the movie needed, more random beat-downs
2012-08-03 01:22:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM where in the HELL do you even buy a camouflage ninja kit?
2012-08-03 01:22:42
@szvan: @MockTM It’s so nice of everyone fighting the asshole to give him his foot back when they catch his kicks.
2012-08-03 01:23:16
@CyberLizard: @DrRubidium @MockTM Gander Mtn?
2012-08-03 01:23:18
@brx0: @MockTM Back to kung fu with the same guys as before, for some reason.
2012-08-03 01:23:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM Meanwhile, in a random field somewhere, three guys are losing a fight.
2012-08-03 01:23:40
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM You have your lovely wife make it, of course, as long as the sewing machine doesn’t get mean.
2012-08-03 01:23:50
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Drunken crabs was a euphemism for sex. Turns out it’s just needlessly terrifying crustaceans.
2012-08-03 01:23:54
@brx0: @MockTM Never tear the suit of a man who knows the Jaguar Technique.
2012-08-03 01:23:57
@CyberLizard: @MockTM My name is Badass Ninja. You tore my coat. Prepare to die.
2012-08-03 01:23:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM are we still in Japan? Cause that looks like the City of Industry to me…
2012-08-03 01:24:31
@BenZvan: @MockTM Did you rip my suit? Tell me you didn’t rip my suit. The director bought me this suit.
2012-08-03 01:24:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh hey folks, I totally missed the start of the movie. Queueing to 24:00… some dude kicking some other dude with a crappy tie!
2012-08-03 01:24:57
@Million_Gods: @MockTM In China violent martial arts gangs hang around playing catch with a baseball.
2012-08-03 01:25:20
@CyberLizard: @MockTM So ninjas can teleport… so why is he climbing the building? Ah, forget it…
2012-08-03 01:25:20
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM that’s all you need to know
2012-08-03 01:25:29
@BenZvan: @MockTM @CyberLizard Because ninjas!!!
2012-08-03 01:25:44
@brx0: @MockTM Another red ninja. These guys are like red shirted Enterprise crewmen.
2012-08-03 01:25:46
@DrRubidium: @MockTM those were the WORST special FX ever. EVER.
2012-08-03 01:26:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM I have to wonder where a red ninja suit would *blend in*.
2012-08-03 01:26:04
@BenZvan: @MockTM @brx0 If you look closely, you can see their communicator badges.
2012-08-03 01:26:13
@brx0: @MockTM Cartwheel, teleport, cartwheel, teleport. Such is the way of the ninja.
2012-08-03 01:26:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, yeah, the backflip-into-teleport technique. They’re adding teleportation gymnastics to the next Olympics.
2012-08-03 01:26:37
@CyberLizard: @MockTM So THAT’S where my fire extinguisher katana went!
2012-08-03 01:26:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Red ninja! Stop rolling all over the motherfucking place!
2012-08-03 01:26:55
@szvan: @MockTM Wait. Ninjas carry fire extinguishers?
2012-08-03 01:26:59
@BenZvan: @MockTM Red Ninja! Red Ninja! Send flaming katana guy ova!
2012-08-03 01:27:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hmm, yes, crackerjack.”
2012-08-03 01:27:46
@brx0: @MockTM Another ninja star with a message on it. Ah, the primitive days before texting…
2012-08-03 01:27:47
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Dammit! The movie stole my cracker-jack riff!
2012-08-03 01:27:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM where can I get my hands on that sword/flame thrower?
2012-08-03 01:27:59
@brx0: @MockTM Crackerjack ring! The plot thickens! Or does it?
2012-08-03 01:28:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM Rapid zoom + synth sting = universal cinematic language of love
2012-08-03 01:28:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I need a katana that can spawn elements. Pizza’s an element, right?
2012-08-03 01:28:57
@brx0: @MockTM World’s Ugliest Car Chase.
2012-08-03 01:29:06
@Rowsdower30: @brx0 @MockTM I’d say the plot thinnens
2012-08-03 01:29:13
@szvan: @MockTM I always prefer the spotted veil over the sunglasses. Blocks more light that way.
2012-08-03 01:29:19
@BenZvan: @MockTM second most subtle way to loose/be a tail ever.
2012-08-03 01:29:34
@brx0: @MockTM That should be good for a medal in Synchronized Swerving.
2012-08-03 01:29:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM Why does the car in front of you madly weaving obligate *you* to madly weave?
2012-08-03 01:30:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM if that guy is driving a Gremlin, a real collision will kill you both. Hopefully.
2012-08-03 01:30:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM , Welcome to the world of Godfrey Ho, where when you can’t write one full movie, you jam two unrelated ones together.
2012-08-03 01:30:20
@szvan: @MockTM Dammit. I was hoping she was the one who’d be able to beat him up.
2012-08-03 01:30:30
@szvan: @MockTM Quick! Stab him in the…oh, damn.
2012-08-03 01:30:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM sorry, but when did we enter the Victorian era? Is that lady wearing a VEIL?
2012-08-03 01:30:52
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM He has pretty panties
2012-08-03 01:30:56
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Ah, the ninja-toe panty removal trick
2012-08-03 01:31:04
@brx0: @MockTM Suddenly: Flowers!
2012-08-03 01:31:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A sex scene? With that jerk!? I’m really hoping she’s got some kind of secret deadly ninja technique that requires nudity.
2012-08-03 01:31:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM worst. sex. scene. ever.
2012-08-03 01:31:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM He’s really just doing this to find someone who can sew his coat back together
2012-08-03 01:31:40
@Million_Gods: @MockTM There is no one around? Why are you wearing a ninja mask? Besides they would first call attention to your bright orange jumpsuit…
2012-08-03 01:31:48
@szvan: @MockTM Well, at least he’s not as completely selfish as he acts.
2012-08-03 01:32:00
@CyberLizard: @DrRubidium @MockTM I dunno, have you seen The Room>
2012-08-03 01:32:08
@brx0: @MockTM Gringo ninja battle! But I thought these guys were on the same side?
2012-08-03 01:32:24
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Ozzy Osbourne?
2012-08-03 01:32:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Aren’t we all a little sad she didn’t kill him in his sleep?
2012-08-03 01:32:43
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, they’re negotiating.
2012-08-03 01:33:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You know he is a badass because of his awesome moustache.
2012-08-03 01:33:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude, that camo print is useless there. Seriously. Try something that makes you look like a pagoda.
2012-08-03 01:33:20
@brx0: @MockTM “Right, that’s my ninja star. And this is yours!!!!” That’s some writing there.
2012-08-03 01:33:30
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “Why are you so greedy? Why do you have to have ALL the ninja stars?”
2012-08-03 01:33:32
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Your name is written on your shuriken? Are you afraid you may lose it?
2012-08-03 01:33:53
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Guests of Ninja Terminator fly Southwest Airlines
2012-08-03 01:34:08
@BenZvan: @MockTM It’s technically dialogue when two people are talking, right?
2012-08-03 01:34:30
@szvan: @MockTM Hey, look! An episode of Miami Vice. That’s got to be better, right?
2012-08-03 01:34:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM MOZUMI VICE!
2012-08-03 01:34:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That’s my ninja star. This is yours.” “Oh, hey, thanks. I never remember to pick them up from people’s brainstems.”
2012-08-03 01:34:54
@brx0: @MockTM Oh hey, now it’s four baddies. They don’t escalate quickly, do they?
2012-08-03 01:35:40
@szvan: @MockTM So the supreme ninja spirit is The Mad Hatter without his hat?
2012-08-03 01:35:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “creating the supreme ninja spirit” = new favourite euphemism. For ANYTHING.
2012-08-03 01:35:48
@szvan: @MockTM Take away his gum, boys. It’s the secret to his power.
2012-08-03 01:36:01
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Jaguar 1 does not say hello. Jaguar one only speaks in the language of spin kicks.
2012-08-03 01:36:06
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM My kicky scarf!
2012-08-03 01:36:23
@brx0: @MockTM Damn kung fu preppies.
2012-08-03 01:36:37
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Jaguar 1 must be the most 80s man in this movie. Tell your boss his pant suit and wig wearing days are numbered.
2012-08-03 01:36:45
@BenZvan: @MockTM “When you’re a ninja you’re a ninja all the way. From your first cigarette to your last dyin’ day.”
2012-08-03 01:36:54
@szvan: @MockTM *sigh* Okay, next time: less clothes shopping, more practicing.
2012-08-03 01:37:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM “One thing honourable mother taught me, never get into ninja fight with main character.”
2012-08-03 01:37:13
@brx0: @MockTM So, an angry Hong Kong pawnbroker from Texas, eh?
2012-08-03 01:37:19
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM When English Professors Attack!
2012-08-03 01:37:32
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Just climb down the stairs like a normal human being. It’s probably faster than that slow somersault.
2012-08-03 01:37:35
@LalSox: @DrRubidium @mocktm worse than the hot tub scene in Species?
2012-08-03 01:37:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh boys. I was really intimidated by your attempt at martial arts until I realized you all had stripey shirts and ascots.
2012-08-03 01:37:45
@CyberLizard: @MockTM I will give you noogies… with my foot!
2012-08-03 01:38:13
@brx0: @MockTM Still chewing gum, too…
2012-08-03 01:38:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM Are they doing the foley on a pork-a-rina?
2012-08-03 01:38:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ooh, the pawn shop dude knows the Preying Mantis technique. I bet he goes on to become Gen in Street Fighter.
2012-08-03 01:38:29
@DrRubidium: @MockTM nobody looks good in a mock neck, not even a ninja
2012-08-03 01:38:36
@Million_Gods: @MockTM A carbon dioxide asphyxiation! A ninja and fire’s only weakness.
2012-08-03 01:38:55
@BenZvan: @MockTM Next up: Bob Ross brings us The Joy of Ninjaing.
2012-08-03 01:39:01
@brx0: @MockTM You know the typewriter-like sound when these guys kick empty air? I want to be the guy who gets royalties for that sound.
2012-08-03 01:39:04
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Polyester: a ninja’s best friend
2012-08-03 01:39:12
@brx0: @MockTM Candygram! Oh wait, just a tiny robot.
2012-08-03 01:39:24
@szvan: @MockTM Because martial arts are totally boring without sound effects for every little motion. And you know, not boring with them.
2012-08-03 01:39:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM YEEEAAAAAHHHH
2012-08-03 01:39:32
@CyberLizard: @MockTM That’s a hell of a sound system in that little guy.
2012-08-03 01:40:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Rock and roll Martian, Rock and roll Martian, Rock and roll Martian…”
2012-08-03 01:40:13
@brx0: @MockTM Death message from the ninja empire, delivered by tiny robot & confirmed by Garfield land line phone…
2012-08-03 01:40:24
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I want to live in a world where cereal boxes hand out fake jewellery. Jewellery that can confuse Tiger 1!
2012-08-03 01:40:32
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM @blakestacey YES!
2012-08-03 01:40:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This guy’s such a badass, he probably punched the guy at the checkout who gave him a weird look when he bought that Garfield phone.
2012-08-03 01:41:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM [too busy groovin’ to type]
2012-08-03 01:41:20
@BenZvan: @MockTM Nobody gives Edna an empty briefcase.
2012-08-03 01:41:43
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM The power of plaid!
2012-08-03 01:41:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @CyberLizard Dude, make a LEGO Mindstorms version of that robot thing will ya?
2012-08-03 01:41:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Go-go-Gadget Sunglasses Reveal!”
2012-08-03 01:42:02
@brx0: @MockTM Kung Fu rule #374: Always wear a trenchcoat when exchanging briefcases, Because incognito.
2012-08-03 01:42:06
@CyberLizard: @MockTM And I just waxed that car!
2012-08-03 01:42:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, watch the paint job! You’re getting inferior ninja technique all over it!”
2012-08-03 01:42:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM My feelings haven’t changed. I still love you so much. That’s why I drive like I have nearly ran you off this road! LOVE!!!
2012-08-03 01:42:53
@BenZvan: @MockTM @CyberLizard All the better reason to polish it with your jacket!
2012-08-03 01:43:02
@CyberLizard: @BenZvan @MockTM Can you use polyester to polish?
2012-08-03 01:43:31
@BenZvan: @MockTM This guy really likes grabbing body parts and twisting…
2012-08-03 01:43:39
2012-08-03 01:43:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM some serious stooge-fu going on here
2012-08-03 01:44:01
@szvan: @MockTM Are we watching a kung fu movie or the Three Stooges?
2012-08-03 01:44:04
@BenZvan: @MockTM @CyberLizard Well…you /can/…
2012-08-03 01:44:07
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “Tell me: who’s your daddy?”
2012-08-03 01:44:12
@brx0: @MockTM He’s interrogating that minion in his own living room? Fail.
2012-08-03 01:44:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where did this stuff come from?” “…IKEA?”
2012-08-03 01:44:37
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Who’s your boss?” “Tony Danza!”
2012-08-03 01:44:42
@BenZvan: @MockTM Hey, Tiger…
2012-08-03 01:44:59
@CyberLizard: @MockTM EVERYONE wants the ninja body
2012-08-03 01:45:08
@Million_Gods: @MockTM why walk when you can backflip?
2012-08-03 01:45:13
@szvan: @MockTM What? I washed off *most* of the eyeliner. I’m *totally* incognito.
2012-08-03 01:45:23
@brx0: @MockTM Yup, that’s gonna cost you a finger…
2012-08-03 01:45:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM Holy shit, they’re ripping off Wendy Carlos’ “timesteps” from the Clockwork Orange soundtrack! :-O
2012-08-03 01:45:55
@BenZvan: @MockTM “all right everybody, lets all drink again!” That’s the way you @MockTM
2012-08-03 01:46:27
@brx0: @MockTM Tick… tick… tick… “Where’s Michiko?”
2012-08-03 01:46:31
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Always write your name and address on your ninja stars.
2012-08-03 01:46:41
@szvan: @MockTM “Where’s Michiko?” “Where’d she go?” “Where is she?” “Anyone try looking under the tablecloth?”
2012-08-03 01:46:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Michiko, happy birthday.” “Thank you very much. Hey, didn’t I see roses in reception?” “Err, no.”
2012-08-03 01:46:54
@BenZvan: @MockTM @szvan What, you think these are skeptics or something?
2012-08-03 01:47:09
@BenZvan: @MockTM Pleats, more pleats, always with the pleats.
2012-08-03 01:47:37
@brx0: @MockTM “That style’s nice but could use more pleats!” #NineteenEightyFiveFail
2012-08-03 01:47:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Multi-use swimsuits, good both for swimming and being ogled at!”
2012-08-03 01:47:41
@CyberLizard: @MockTM “That style’s nice, it could use more shoulder pads”
2012-08-03 01:47:42
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM MORE pleats? This IS the 80s!
2012-08-03 01:47:55
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, now they’ve vandalized our hero’s car. This is getting serious, finally.
2012-08-03 01:48:32
@CyberLizard: @MockTM You don’t fuck with a ninja redneck’s ride
2012-08-03 01:48:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM More Clockwork Orange soundtrack…
2012-08-03 01:48:55
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Golden Ninja warrior looks like it’s made out papier mache…
2012-08-03 01:48:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Damn hooligans soaping up my car window and writing ‘two days left’. What is this neighborhood coming to?”
2012-08-03 01:49:00
@BenZvan: @MockTM I’m so badassed, I eat watermelon with a knife and fork!
2012-08-03 01:49:03
@brx0: @MockTM Oh look, it’s that tiny robot again.
2012-08-03 01:49:03
@szvan: @MockTM “Just some stupid kids fooling around. Kids with sprayable fake snow who make threats.”
2012-08-03 01:49:06
@CyberLizard: @MockTM That robot really gets around
2012-08-03 01:49:10
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM 2 days left…for fantastic savings at Sears!
2012-08-03 01:49:12
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Optimus Prime’s night gig
2012-08-03 01:49:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “why am I here?” that’s the question everyone watching this movie is asking
2012-08-03 01:49:34
@brx0: @MockTM OMG, they’re listening on a second line! Outwitted by modern technology!
2012-08-03 01:50:25
@szvan: @MockTM Why do both the kidnapping victim and the henchman look like they’ve been crying through mascara?
2012-08-03 01:50:51
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM VULVA Nightclub!?
2012-08-03 01:50:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That was during the short-lived phase when Volvo tried to diversify into ninja mob fronts.
2012-08-03 01:51:18
@brx0: @MockTM And now for a little disco cabaret or something…
2012-08-03 01:51:37
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there are a LOT of bad wigs in this movie
2012-08-03 01:51:37
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Jaguar beats up boyband… Business as usual
2012-08-03 01:51:52
2012-08-03 01:52:01
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that asshole has a popped collar. Jesus.
2012-08-03 01:52:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Aaah! the nightclub lighting! it’s like being trapped in a giant SIMON!
2012-08-03 01:52:15
@brx0: @MockTM Odd place for a prisoner exchange if you ask me. But then, I’ve never been a Hong Kong gangster, as far as you know.
2012-08-03 01:52:25
@szvan: @MockTM Okay, we need one actress who can dance. Or bounce. Either one will do.
2012-08-03 01:52:28
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Ah yes! That well known brand of Ninja… The Texan Chinese Ninja…
2012-08-03 01:52:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What a happenin’ place. Four people dancing and nobody at any of the tables.
2012-08-03 01:52:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM they’ve crossed the ninja terminator into…Ninja Day-for-Night!
2012-08-03 01:53:03
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, captured! Now the upper hand is on the other foot!
2012-08-03 01:53:12
@BenZvan: @MockTM @szvan bouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebounce
2012-08-03 01:53:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay, it’s my turn now. Then Jake, then Jim, then me again, then Fred, then me again. Then me again.”
2012-08-03 01:54:01
@Million_Gods: @MockTM American ninja looks like he is practicing with knitting needles.
2012-08-03 01:54:36
@brx0: @MockTM C’mon, c’mon, cut to the ninja-ing already.
2012-08-03 01:54:58
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Questions about physics! And calculus!
2012-08-03 01:55:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM still hoping the statue comes to live and kills every single character. Twice.
2012-08-03 01:55:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Obey the talking ninja toy robot…
2012-08-03 01:55:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ll be leaving here very soon.” “Hahahaha.” “Haha.. what are we laughing about?”
2012-08-03 01:55:41
@brx0: @MockTM Awww, touchy feely HK gangster marriage proposal. D’awwwww….
2012-08-03 01:55:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Reforming the Ninja Empire by stealing is like reforming the economy by littering.
2012-08-03 01:55:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Aton Ho”?
2012-08-03 01:55:59
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, Lili darling, I’m all tough on the outside, but inside….
2012-08-03 01:56:11
@brx0: @MockTM Aw jeez, this again?
2012-08-03 01:56:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I was wrong. That was the worst sex scene ever.
2012-08-03 01:56:48
@CyberLizard: @MockTM He’s… nursing, yeah, that’s it
2012-08-03 01:56:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ll get married. And have children. And I’ll put them in little footie pajamas that don’t look like ninja suits at all.”
2012-08-03 01:56:50
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Why did you double cross them? Because KUNG FU!!!
2012-08-03 01:57:00
@CyberLizard: @DrRubidium @MockTM Sorry, no Tommy Wiseau’s ass. Still not the worst 🙂
2012-08-03 01:57:40
@brx0: @MockTM “It’s unlikely that you’ll contract lung cancer before I kill you.” Awesome.
2012-08-03 01:58:11
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM haven’t the bad guys EVER learned not to give a dying man a last wish?
2012-08-03 01:58:33
@lousycanuck: @brx0 @MockTM Ahaha, holy shit, yes, that was badass.
2012-08-03 01:58:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “No thanks, I prefer my cigarettes with less spit.”
2012-08-03 01:59:03
@brx0: @MockTM More strange tobacco rituals…
2012-08-03 01:59:16
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Gee, that was unexpected
2012-08-03 01:59:41
@brx0: @MockTM And cue the least surprising escape ever…
2012-08-03 01:59:52
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM way to sneak up on a guy, NINJA
2012-08-03 02:00:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Yup. That’s what you get when you don’t grow up on James Bond movies. The old trick cigarette trick!
2012-08-03 02:00:24
@szvan: @MockTM So far, the gangster channeling Joan Crawford has been the best character. Pity he blew up, or whatever happened.
2012-08-03 02:00:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ha-HA! You just fell victim to one of the classic blunders! First is never get involved in a ninja war in Asia!
2012-08-03 02:00:35
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Did he just stab him in the balls?!?
2012-08-03 02:00:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what this movie needs right about now? RAILING KILLS.
2012-08-03 02:01:06
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, you failed again. You still have nine fingers, right?
2012-08-03 02:01:09
@BenZvan: @MockTM punchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchpunchkick
2012-08-03 02:01:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Eyeliner guy calls people just to make sexual innuendo at people, I guess.
2012-08-03 02:01:40
@Million_Gods: @MockTM People in Kung Fu movies run around blindly when the power cuts out.
2012-08-03 02:01:44
@brx0: @MockTM Robot VHS delivery!
2012-08-03 02:02:12
@CyberLizard: @MockTM The little robot guy delivers!
2012-08-03 02:02:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “And for gods sake Victor, don’t screw up. Don’t tape over the video with America’s Funniest Home Videos again.”
2012-08-03 02:02:26
@BenZvan: @MockTM VHwhatnow?
2012-08-03 02:02:31
@brx0: @MockTM Worst Netflix Competitor Evar.
2012-08-03 02:02:35
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Damn! It’s VHS! I knew I shouldn’t have gone with Beta
2012-08-03 02:02:44
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM He brought them a copy of The Ring
2012-08-03 02:02:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Uh, sorry, we only have a Beta player. Could you send your toy robot back with another tape?”
2012-08-03 02:03:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So they sent some softcore BDSM porn to him? Okay, sure.
2012-08-03 02:03:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the most interesting thing in this movie is that Garfield phone
2012-08-03 02:03:36
@brx0: @MockTM Garfield phone!
2012-08-03 02:03:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God damn that Garfield phone is so badass. I need one.
2012-08-03 02:04:18
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM And “take care of” Odie
2012-08-03 02:04:25
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Channel the spirit of the Fruit Ninja!
2012-08-03 02:04:34
@szvan: @MockTM Michiko’s being tortured! Who’s up for watermelon?
2012-08-03 02:04:44
@brx0: @MockTM Ninja watermelon action, and more firedancing. Hey, is this stock footage?
2012-08-03 02:04:51
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Bad arm! Bad!
2012-08-03 02:04:53
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Let’s send him a secret message by scratching his windscreen!
2012-08-03 02:04:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM Later, at the nearby Adtran building…
2012-08-03 02:05:25
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Death Threat Robot is Back! Only two days left!
2012-08-03 02:05:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That was a training montage, in case the bad guys throw watermelon at him.
2012-08-03 02:05:46
@Million_Gods: @MockTM “I am confused! I don’t know why I am here!” Jaguar “Don’t tell them anything!”
2012-08-03 02:06:40
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, I had a taxi ride just like this a few months ago in Vegas. Long story.
2012-08-03 02:06:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Ow fuck stop kicking me in the face! What kinda cabbie are you!? That’s it buddy, no tip for you!”
2012-08-03 02:07:18
@brx0: @MockTM “Perhaps, though I wouldn’t say it was integral…” Ooh, burn…
2012-08-03 02:07:22
@brx0: @MockTM Bad guy granny phone!
2012-08-03 02:07:36
@brx0: @MockTM Victor isn’t much of a bad dude, is he?
2012-08-03 02:08:23
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Our nightclub is booming! There are atleast 7 people in it.
2012-08-03 02:08:33
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Jaguar’s not very good at these swaps, is he?
2012-08-03 02:08:45
@szvan: @MockTM “You talk to my boyfriend on the phone. I don’t do your dirty work anymore.” “Sure. Should I tell him what you did the other night?”
2012-08-03 02:09:01
@BenZvan: @MockTM This film has been modified to fit your screen.
2012-08-03 02:09:26
@CyberLizard: @MockTM New cinematographic ground: the knee conversation
2012-08-03 02:09:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The original plan called for our faces to be in the shot.”
2012-08-03 02:09:32
@brx0: @MockTM A time bomb in a suitcase! With a big chunky analog clock! Another miracle of 1985 technology.
2012-08-03 02:09:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The framing on these shots is vital. Godfrey Ho knows what he’s doing. Their knees are the most important part of that scene.
2012-08-03 02:09:54
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I cannot decide whether my accent is “Racist Chinese” or “Cockney”.
2012-08-03 02:09:56
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Bomb brought to you by Acme
2012-08-03 02:10:11
@BenZvan: @MockTM With this quality writing I keep expecting them all to be rolled up in a katamari at any second.
2012-08-03 02:10:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM We had a little Wrath of Khan incidental music lifted there
2012-08-03 02:10:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “A trip where we have to put you in disguise. As David Caruso and Jackie O’s love child. YEAAAAAAAAH”
2012-08-03 02:10:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM nice scarf
2012-08-03 02:11:11
@CyberLizard: @MockTM See? Jaguar sucks at swaps
2012-08-03 02:11:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @BenZvan I would pay you infinity billion dollars for that movie!!!!
2012-08-03 02:11:32
@BenZvan: @MockTM I just have to press this activate button and I can start recording the Olympic Games so we can watch it later with popcorn.
2012-08-03 02:12:07
@brx0: @MockTM Jaguar’s awfully trusting for a Hong Kong wiseguy.
2012-08-03 02:12:14
@CyberLizard: @MockTM As long as they don’t tear his new coat, he’s good
2012-08-03 02:12:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s it Michiko, keep trying to kick that bomb. That won’t detonate it or anything.
2012-08-03 02:12:33
@CyberLizard: @MockTM tickticktick I’m Ed Bradley.
2012-08-03 02:13:14
@BenZvan: @MockTM instead of slow motion, we decided to make Youtube stop buffering properly.
2012-08-03 02:13:33
@szvan: @MockTM TIL: If you detach the wires from the clock to the bomb, the clock stops ticking.
2012-08-03 02:13:43
@brx0: @MockTM That’s all? No tense bomb-defusing scene? Worst bomb-making bow-tied professor EVAR.
2012-08-03 02:13:47
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Robot buddy!
2012-08-03 02:14:12
@BenZvan: @MockTM 8
2012-08-03 02:14:15
@Million_Gods: @MockTM No one looks cool when trying to light a cigarette in this movie.
2012-08-03 02:14:16
@brx0: @MockTM Won’t someone ninja that stupid robot already?
2012-08-03 02:14:21
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Ow, set my chest hair on fire…ow
2012-08-03 02:14:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Whoa, isn’t that the White Snake logo? That’s a hell of a “you’re gonna die” message.
2012-08-03 02:14:28
@szvan: @MockTM I know the 80s was an era of actors with no range of expression, but really?
2012-08-03 02:14:38
@brx0: @MockTM Hey wait, this isn’t “The Lion King”. Stupid Netflix.
2012-08-03 02:14:58
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Hari kiri is sooooo overrated
2012-08-03 02:15:03
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Cigarettes are a trap… Obvious trap is obvious…
2012-08-03 02:15:12
@BenZvan: @MockTM They have one female ninja and she commits suicide?
2012-08-03 02:15:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is a hell of a ninja orientation video.
2012-08-03 02:15:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM “…and, incidentally, I am the Ninja Terminator. BTW.”
2012-08-03 02:16:12
@brx0: @MockTM How many guys has Jaguar Wong beat up while the ninjas pose & look all determined?
2012-08-03 02:16:13
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Oh no! Jaguar is free! Quick do Kung Fu at him! Because that has worked so well before.
2012-08-03 02:16:14
@CyberLizard: @MockTM The wig’s off. Shit’s about to get real, yo
2012-08-03 02:16:38
@BenZvan: @MockTM It was supposed to be a bad wig all along? I had no idea!
2012-08-03 02:16:40
@brx0: @MockTM And the wig comes off! But not the gloves.
2012-08-03 02:16:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Holy shit. He jumped right to the second boss transformation by taking off the coat and wig right off the bat.
2012-08-03 02:17:10
@CyberLizard: @MockTM He follows the first rule of ninja fashion: the gloves must match the shoes
2012-08-03 02:17:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I’m rooting for the waterslide
2012-08-03 02:17:24
@brx0: @MockTM Jaguar Wong has to be wondering why he’s still working for that do-nothing Harry guy.
2012-08-03 02:17:38
@CyberLizard: @MockTM The coat’s off. NOW the shit’s about to get real
2012-08-03 02:17:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That kick was so epic it slowed time and made the sound repeat.
2012-08-03 02:18:22
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM they SO should’ve panned down to show the bad guy wearing gold high heels
2012-08-03 02:18:42
@BenZvan: @MockTM It’s not kung fu, it’s the rhumba!
2012-08-03 02:19:14
@CyberLizard: @MockTM I have GOT to get a pair of those white loafers
2012-08-03 02:19:20
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Holy crap! I used to have that VCR!
2012-08-03 02:19:21
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Ow, I just had Lasik!
2012-08-03 02:19:35
@szvan: @MockTM What? If you get his shoes dirty, will he fail?
2012-08-03 02:19:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I want every move I make to make that whiff sound because it makes the normal AWESOME. I’ll be fixing a drink like FFWF FFWF SHHPACK
2012-08-03 02:19:41
@brx0: @MockTM Why does this guy keep getting stuck in the sand? That’s just weird.
2012-08-03 02:20:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Whoa, he just put Jaguar in the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! THIS MATCH IS OVER FOLKS
2012-08-03 02:20:18
@CyberLizard: @lousycanuck @MockTM An arduino controller, a speaker and some wires and your clothes can make ninja sounds too!
2012-08-03 02:20:30
@BenZvan: @MockTM That’s the problem with magic shoes. RT @brx0: Why does this guy keep getting stuck in the sand? That’s just weird.
2012-08-03 02:20:45
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Critical hit! He rolled a natural 20!
2012-08-03 02:20:49
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Kidnapped? Quick! To the garfield phone!
2012-08-03 02:21:08
@brx0: @MockTM C’mon, he’s buried thigh deep in sand and he’s still beating you.
2012-08-03 02:21:29
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM he’s fighting Dorf!
2012-08-03 02:21:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh man, the bad guy’s legs must have just snapped right off by how he fell over.
2012-08-03 02:22:06
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Wait, I was wrong. The camo ninja’s here. NOW shit’s about to get really real
2012-08-03 02:22:09
@brx0: @MockTM Right, all powerful gold ninja arm. All glory to the little gold ninja arm. C’mon, guys…
2012-08-03 02:22:17
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Everyone knows you wear sunglasses at night to look inconspicuous…
2012-08-03 02:22:34
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, the body of the ninja spirit makes you level up!
2012-08-03 02:22:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “MUST… CONTROL…. FINGERS OF DEATH…”
2012-08-03 02:22:59
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I’m not touching you…
2012-08-03 02:23:03
@brx0: @MockTM There’s 5 minutes left to this thing? This movie had better not cut off early.
2012-08-03 02:23:11
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Now if only they’d go super seiyan
2012-08-03 02:23:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM Beep boop beep beep beep boop boop, beep boop beep beep boop boop, da da da da da beep boop!
2012-08-03 02:23:23
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Knife? I will just swerve all over the road. That’s a perfectly safe way to disarm someone!
2012-08-03 02:23:39
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, so it’s red ninja vs. black ninja & camo ninja.
2012-08-03 02:23:44
@CyberLizard: @MockTM His camo worked so well he even hid from the camera
2012-08-03 02:23:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Three way ninja battle tag team match! And in the end there can be only one.
2012-08-03 02:24:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Jaguar’s Taxi runs on the most Kung Fu of fuel sources. LPG
2012-08-03 02:24:22
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Boys, boys… You’re both pretty
2012-08-03 02:24:38
@szvan: @MockTM Because we couldn’t figure out how to choreograph a sword fight between three participants. That’s why.
2012-08-03 02:24:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oooh, he no-sold the shuriken to the back. Laaaame.
2012-08-03 02:25:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM statue, now is the time to strike!!!
2012-08-03 02:25:32
@CyberLizard: @MockTM I think those smoke bombs make the same sound as the birds in Birdemic
2012-08-03 02:25:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If this guy’s invulnerable, why’s he avoiding the smoke bombs and shit?
2012-08-03 02:25:56
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Shurikin to the arm: my one weakness!
2012-08-03 02:26:20
@BenZvan: @MockTM So there are three pieces of eden…
2012-08-03 02:26:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “OH NO, a shuriken that grazed my arm! I’ll fall down now!”
2012-08-03 02:26:31
@brx0: @MockTM And he’s collected the set! Victory!?
2012-08-03 02:27:06
@CyberLizard: @MockTM So they worship a statue of Dobby the house elf?
2012-08-03 02:27:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM USA! USA! USA!
2012-08-03 02:27:18
@brx0: @MockTM So that was abrupt.
2012-08-03 02:27:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Now let’s see… this part goes here… this part goes here… HOLY CRAP ZELDA GOT-ITEM NOISE!
2012-08-03 02:27:20
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Kaboom?!?
2012-08-03 02:27:32
@BenZvan: @MockTM “This is a triumph. I’m making a note here: huge success.”
2012-08-03 02:27:35
@Million_Gods: @MockTM This bomb is like the others. “Will it blow my enemies up?”. Yes. Yes it will. Unlike those non explosive bombs.
2012-08-03 02:27:48
@CyberLizard: @MockTM And I was really hoping the robot would come and kick all their asses
2012-08-03 02:28:16
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Lily seems to have been kidnapped more times than Princess Peach.
2012-08-03 02:28:23
@szvan: @MockTM So this sort of splice movie exists to let the Asians do the serious (if silly) fight choreography, to make the white guys heroes?
2012-08-03 02:29:02
@CyberLizard: @MockTM Did Jaguar die also? Why do I care?
2012-08-03 02:29:24
@brx0: @MockTM And in “Ninja Terminator II”, our hero finally notices his figurine has no legs. More pieces to collect!
2012-08-03 02:30:56
@szvan: @MockTM Wishful thinking? RT @CyberLizard: @MockTM Did Jaguar die also? Why do I care?
2012-08-03 02:31:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The film could have used an epilogue. Something set to the tune of the Imperial March.
2012-08-03 02:31:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Message robot got a job with Michael Bay. Lily got kidnapped 17 more times. Jaguar was tried in the 4th Precinct court of law.”
2012-08-03 02:31:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM And that brings us to the end of another event-filled episode of, ah… who am I kidding, I don’t have clue 1 what just went on.
2012-08-03 02:32:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Tiger is fooled by drag. His hitherto undiscovered feelings make him question himself. Distracted by his sexuality he loses…
2012-08-03 02:32:12
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Harry! Look! Wicked Stickers!!!
2012-08-03 02:32:47
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Just realised that text messages and email must have revolutionised ninja communications…
2012-08-03 02:33:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Some voices were changed to protect the innocent. DUN DUN DUN, DUN DA DA DA DUNNNNN.”
2012-08-03 02:33:37
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait were you dressed in a second layer of clothes solely if you needed to engage in a duel of fists and fury?
2012-08-03 02:35:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “But what became of the Garfield phone? Perhaps we’ll never know.”
2012-08-03 02:35:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Jaguar will be BACK in NINJA TERMINATOR II: DUBSTEP DAY
2012-08-03 02:36:51
@Million_Gods: @MockTM So! Nudity makes you stronger in a fight! Commence Strip Fight!
2012-08-03 02:36:58
@adultswimo1: @MockTM Oh, you failed again. You still have nine fingers, right?
2012-08-03 02:37:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM [I just realised that people who don’t know me might imagine Rei Ayanami imitating video game noises whilst reading these riffs]
2012-08-03 02:39:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM [“Why do you mock movies, Blake?” “It’s like a bond…”]
2012-08-03 02:39:37
@Million_Gods: @MockTM So this fight scene is based on RPG rules? Roll a natural 20!
2012-08-03 02:40:14
@brx0: @mocktm And with that, the camo ninja with shady underworld connections is invulnerable. Can’t say I see any possible downside to that.
2012-08-03 02:41:00
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Dude if the guy is half buried in sand and still beating you like you owe him money. I suggest you invest in a gun.
2012-08-03 02:41:07
@tynk_: @CyberLizard @mocktm @lousycanuck some tape, and some soft fabric and your clothes can make ninja sounds too, NONE!
2012-08-03 02:43:35
@HorsePheathers: @CyberLizard Go for the Lilypad – it’s designed to be sewn into clothing! 🙂 @lousycanuck @MockTM
2012-08-03 02:46:57
@Million_Gods: @MockTM And he lived happily ninja after.
2012-08-03 02:48:03

Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

4 thoughts on “Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

  1. 2

    Dammit. Sorry CA, I actually meant to tell you to get on this one in advance. Stephanie blogged about it this time around. I was slacking. (For various reasons.)

    Next is in two weeks — Lou Ferrigno’s Hercules.

  2. 4

    Have you considered compiling the best moments from these things and recording them (maybe with a few other FTBers)? You could out em on Rifftrax’s website as iriffs (you can set the price to whatever, rifftrax gets half, you get the other, $0.99-1.99 seems fair.)

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