Mock the Movie: Wasp Woman transcript

Last night’s Mock The Movie transcript for The Wasp Woman, in fully remastered high-definition ascii glory, below the fold. Shout outs to first timers Carlie P and Cotesia1! Glad to have you aboard!

@brx0: Ok, here we go… @MockTM
2012-03-16 01:00:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s…THE WASP WOMAN.
2012-03-16 01:00:31
@CarlieP: @MockTM Starting now?
2012-03-16 01:00:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM Barboura? Must be the English spelling.
2012-03-16 01:00:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM The Wasp Woman music is upsetting one of my cats.
2012-03-16 01:01:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Starring.. a bunch of people whose names sound like pirates.
2012-03-16 01:01:06
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Um, aren’t those bees? 😀
2012-03-16 01:01:19
@brx0: @MockTM I have actually seen this one before, btw. It’s probably best described as Highly Deconstructible.
2012-03-16 01:01:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM the music, by Fred Katz, is frightening the cats. Thank you, thank you, we’ll be here all week!
2012-03-16 01:01:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM Beekeeper, or extremely low-budget astronaut? You make the call!
2012-03-16 01:02:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, so it’s nice that we have this whole bee keeper opening sequence and all, but as @DrRubidium pointed out, it’s off topic.
2012-03-16 01:02:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM That guy isn’t even a beekeeper — he just likes wearing rectangular boxes on his head.
2012-03-16 01:02:28
@CarlieP: @MockTM Is that an itinerant bee worker, wandering the streets looking for work?
2012-03-16 01:02:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM DON’T GO BY THAT TREE!
2012-03-16 01:02:44
@szvan: @MockTM We don’t smoke these bees. We pour booze on them. But it’s okay. It’s good booze. I tried it.
2012-03-16 01:02:53
@brx0: @MockTM And we begin with an innocent beekeeper moseying about, like the night watchman at the start of every X-Files episode…
2012-03-16 01:03:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM Either the audio is slow or this beekeeper is really, really drunk.
2012-03-16 01:03:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Creepy old guy telling his victims to sleep and they’ll wake up in their new home…um, trigger warning?
2012-03-16 01:04:04
2012-03-16 01:04:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @drskyskull And why do we have to choose?
2012-03-16 01:04:21
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, it’s the Bee Whisperer. Today this part would be a reality show.
2012-03-16 01:04:24
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, smoke and booze. These bees/wasps/whatevers are living the low life!
2012-03-16 01:04:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM HOLY SHIT. This bee keeper is 100% pure crazy. How do I know? THAT VOICE #crazytalk
2012-03-16 01:04:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM OK, this guy is on the opposite end of the “affable beekeeper” spectrum from Neil Gaiman.
2012-03-16 01:05:14
@szvan: @MockTM Nice gloves, Mr. Beekeeper!
2012-03-16 01:05:17
@drskyskull: @MockTM The top of his beekeeping hat is metal, in case one of the bees has a ball pein hammer.
2012-03-16 01:05:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Good morning, Doc! Whatya got there?” “Whiskey!”
2012-03-16 01:05:52
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Hiya, doc, what’cha got there?” “Oh, the ark of the covenant — WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE??!!”
2012-03-16 01:06:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM OMG! I just figured out why all our bees have dying! Mary Kay & Avon!
2012-03-16 01:06:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Good morning Doc, what’cha got there?” “Bees! Same as always!”
2012-03-16 01:06:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If you knew about wasps what I know, you’d know these were bees.”
2012-03-16 01:06:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM No fear of wasps? That motherfucking doc is crazy. I think we’ve got our mad scientist!
2012-03-16 01:06:54
@drskyskull: @MockTM Starting to suspect that “The Wasp Woman” will be short on both wasps and women.
2012-03-16 01:06:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Man, remember the days when creepy old-guy beekeeping hadn’t gone all corporate?
2012-03-16 01:07:06
@DrRubidium: @drskyskull @MockTM LOL
2012-03-16 01:07:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “smooth as honey”? #puntastic
2012-03-16 01:07:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, the business bee suit. Those are are always fashionable in the upper echelons of the beekeeping business. Gotta look dapper!
2012-03-16 01:07:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He’s paid to do research on royal jelly, but all we get is slightly elitist marmalade.”
2012-03-16 01:07:51
@CarlieP: @MockTM “If you knew what I knew about wasps, you’d have no fear.” Well, that guy’s going to get killed by wasps in about five minutes.
2012-03-16 01:08:03
@brx0: @MockTM “If you knew what I know about wasps, my boy, you’d have no fear of them.” Riiiight.
2012-03-16 01:08:03
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this bee assistant guy is a douche. When’s he gonna die?
2012-03-16 01:08:18
@drskyskull: @MockTM “After years of study, we’ve concluded our bees are, in fact, wasps.” #NSFfunded
2012-03-16 01:08:35
@brx0: @MockTM “I try to take my inspiration from the bees, always busy…” Heh.
2012-03-16 01:08:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM Few movies pass the Wasp Bechdel test, in which two wasp women have a conversation about something other than stinging.
2012-03-16 01:08:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM “A great discovery — what do you mean?” Yeah, he’s definitely corporate.
2012-03-16 01:09:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Discovery?! What do you mean?” …yeah.
2012-03-16 01:09:28
@brx0: @MockTM So the boss is wearing a suit with a beekeeper hat. Does that actually work?
2012-03-16 01:09:29
@brx0: @MockTM “Wait, these aren’t honeybees!” And the game is afoot…
2012-03-16 01:10:05
@szvan: @MockTM I’ll tweet more, I promise, when my brain stops hurting from the idea that wasps act just like bees. Owwww.
2012-03-16 01:10:19
@CarlieP: @MockTM Oh no, Zinthrop is not only going to release wasps, he’s going to release immortal wasps. What could possibly go wrong?
2012-03-16 01:10:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM $1000 for “MISC.” a month? We all know that’s hookers and blow
2012-03-16 01:10:34
@drskyskull: @MockTM “I’m going to have to let you go.” They’ll drive him out to the country and let him run free!
2012-03-16 01:10:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM Dr. Zinthrop is being let go? But he has people skills! He is good at dealing with people!
2012-03-16 01:11:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I understand about science and progress and all that, but you’re CONFUSING BEES AND WASPS DAMMIT. You’re fired.”
2012-03-16 01:11:08
@brx0: @MockTM A thousand dollars for “miscellaneous”? Boy, what a grifter.
2012-03-16 01:11:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM HOLY SHIT. The business/accounting drone has a better understanding of science than the scientist! #ohfuck
2012-03-16 01:11:28
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m going to have to let you go. You’re just not one of the bees.” It’s anti-wasp discrimination, I tell you.
2012-03-16 01:11:37
@drskyskull: @MockTM We’re watching “The Wasp Woman” in thrilling “Cat-O-VIsion”, in which cats randomly come tearing in and out of the room. #really
2012-03-16 01:11:39
@brx0: @MockTM I wonder if this movie started the royal jelly health food fad in the 70s?
2012-03-16 01:11:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’re hungry, aren’t you? How about a nice, yummy suit from head office?”
2012-03-16 01:11:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I trust one of you gentlemen has an improved social media strategy.”
2012-03-16 01:12:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM Maybe your profits have dropped because you have my angry 3rd grade teacher giving the presentations.
2012-03-16 01:12:25
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, come on. He’s a great team player. Gets on just fine with the hive.
2012-03-16 01:12:29
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand, Zinthrop is fired for not being a team player, just like that. Got a feeling this won’t end well.
2012-03-16 01:12:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ve not seen a drop as large in our competitor’s sales. You know, Billy Bee.”
2012-03-16 01:12:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where would you put the responsibility for this decline?” “In your vagina.”
2012-03-16 01:13:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Lady Boss is laying the smack down.
2012-03-16 01:13:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Where would you put the responsibility for this, Mr. Klein?” “Your mother!”
2012-03-16 01:13:38
@CarlieP: @MockTM “As you can see, the drop in global numbers of pirates is highly correlated with our loss of revenue.”
2012-03-16 01:13:48
@brx0: @MockTM And cut to NYC, where we meet our severe heroine, chairing a board meeting, demanding answers from a room of babbling little men.
2012-03-16 01:14:05
@drskyskull: @MockTM Maybe your profits have plummeted because your company name sounds like “Stalin”.
2012-03-16 01:14:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM oh smack! Douche with Dean Martin hair is taking on the CEO
2012-03-16 01:14:20
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, thank goodness there’s a guy around to explain the cosmetics trade.
2012-03-16 01:14:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “This has been a very informative sausage fest. That’ll be all for now.”
2012-03-16 01:15:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @drskyskull So Stalin Industries’ sales are dropping to Lenin Pharmaceuticals?
2012-03-16 01:15:20
@szvan: @MockTM Aaaand to explain it in terms of the female CEOs youth and beauty. How would we ever manage a movie without him.
2012-03-16 01:15:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM Beekeeping and corporate board meetings! Why oh why was this movie not a hit??!!
2012-03-16 01:15:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’d like to see you in my office. With a chance of overtime. Say my place at nine?”
2012-03-16 01:15:42
@szvan: RT @drskyskull: @MockTM Beekeeping and corporate board meetings! Why oh why was this movie not a hit??!!
2012-03-16 01:15:47
@DrRubidium: @MockTM bitch, you’re like 35! Mary Kay was pimping her shit into her 70s
2012-03-16 01:15:51
@CarlieP: @MockTM I want that sunburst mirror. I just saw an instructable about building your own from wood shims.
2012-03-16 01:16:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “See, the problem is, you’re old. Old and ugly. We’re dying as a company because you, CEO, are no longer fuckable.”
2012-03-16 01:16:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Bees, wasps, black widow spiders… with all the feet in this movie, Tarantino should have directed.
2012-03-16 01:16:51
@szvan: @MockTM “Of course I want an honest opinion, just not that one!”
2012-03-16 01:18:00
@brx0: @MockTM Today’s biz school lesson: Don’t be the sole public face of your company, or name it after yourself.
<a href='!/brx0/status/18046306462846566@blakestacey: @MockTM “What if the serum de-ages me too far?” “Then we go in my Great Glass Elevator to collect ingredients for a re-aging serum!”
2012-03-16 01:22:51
@brx0: @MockTM Also, never tell any CEO “Your word is good enough for me.” That never ends well.
2012-03-16 01:23:02
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Wow. So CEO’s made fucking batshit crazy decisions even in 1960s
2012-03-16 01:23:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM Xylophone music conveys a sufficient tone for scientific research! Going to play it from now on in my office.
2012-03-16 01:23:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow. This soundtrack is rating a full 0.3 metric Vareses on the avant-garde scale.
2012-03-16 01:23:49
@drskyskull: @MockTM I suspect all the actors are chain smoking to create a cloud to obscure the crappy set design.
2012-03-16 01:24:18
@szvan: @MockTM The montage sountracks were so much better in the 80s.
2012-03-16 01:24:24
@CarlieP: @MockTM 23 minutes in before the first “Women!” “Men!” exchange. I didn’t think it would take even that long.
2012-03-16 01:24:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You can call it *male* intuition. I employed the full power of my…backup brain.”
2012-03-16 01:24:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Dinner is on me…unless you’re up for that sushi place where the dinner is on the waitress.”
2012-03-16 01:25:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM It’s like every character in this movie is a member of the Greek chorus.
2012-03-16 01:25:18
@brx0: @MockTM Cut to labwork montage, cut with skeptical-looking business folks.
2012-03-16 01:25:23
@DrRubidium: @MockTM when did we start watching Mad Men?
2012-03-16 01:26:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Good morning. Starling Enterprises and phone sex line.”
2012-03-16 01:26:28
@szvan: @MockTM Huh. Who knew women couldn’t count?
2012-03-16 01:26:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM C’mon movie — less talk, more wasp women!!!
2012-03-16 01:26:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Wonder what his game is?” “Who care? He’s old.”
2012-03-16 01:27:04
@drskyskull: @MockTM This movie has as much dialogue as a Tarantino movie — if the dialogue were written by Mitt Romney.
2012-03-16 01:27:12
@CarlieP: @MockTM How did they get Star Trek doors in that office? Whoosh. Whoosh.
2012-03-16 01:27:19
@szvan: @MockTM “And what do you do for a living.” “I lounge on a receptionist desk.”
2012-03-16 01:27:34
@brx0: @MockTM Now the board’s conspiring against the boss. So far, an accurate depiction of the business world.
2012-03-16 01:27:56
@drskyskull: @MockTM Okay, I expect @DrRubidium to explain all the chemistry elements in that scene!
2012-03-16 01:28:02
@drskyskull: @MockTM “You’re a kitten again! Well, time to get neutered again…”
2012-03-16 01:28:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Why, that’s incredible! You’ve replaced the old cat with a young one!”
2012-03-16 01:28:49
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so our Lady Boss is a crazy cat lady? #ofcourse
2012-03-16 01:28:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, yes, the haunting and evocative “alcohol swab” theme.
2012-03-16 01:29:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Worked on cats, gotta work on humans, that’s what I always say. Yep. Phase three, here we come!!!”
2012-03-16 01:29:37
@CarlieP: @MockTM Remember, always label your vials so you don’t mix up your wasp jelly with your anti-aging serum. Not that I think he just did that.
2012-03-16 01:29:45
@brx0: @MockTM Kitten!!!!!!!
2012-03-16 01:29:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM Anyone else get the feeling we’ve been tricked into watching some sort of corporate training video?
2012-03-16 01:30:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM This guy is hardly a “mad” scientist. Maybe an “irate” scientist, at best.
2012-03-16 01:30:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We must treat lightly and take care…now, to pump more random enzymes into your arm!”
2012-03-16 01:31:25
2012-03-16 01:32:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You know, I’ve been experimenting with a concentrated solution of the enzymes. On toast. With a bit of peanut butter.”
2012-03-16 01:32:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Why you look at least five years younger than you did five years from now!”
2012-03-16 01:32:50
@szvan: @MockTM If I act really awkward and scared coming out of this office, no one will suspect a thing!
2012-03-16 01:33:31
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Look, I can’t explain the chemistry in this movie. Why? Cause there isn’t any. Oh, there’s bullshit. Just no chemistry
2012-03-16 01:33:32
@brx0: @MockTM And we begin to see why eccentric mad scientists and impatient CEOs don’t get along so well.
2012-03-16 01:33:35
@drskyskull: @MockTM Janice is obsessed with “turning back time”? So she’s Cher now?
2012-03-16 01:33:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “She’s so obsessed with youth and beauty…she’s got a real bee in her bonnet about it.”
2012-03-16 01:34:00
@szvan: @MockTM All right. We need a woman in this scene so the guys have someone to explain everything to. That young, cute one will do.
2012-03-16 01:34:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM do these 3 idiots know they’ve committed corporate espionage?
2012-03-16 01:34:34
@drskyskull: @MockTM Somebody needs to start smoking in this scene, quick — there’s a chance they might start inhaling oxygen!
2012-03-16 01:34:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I think we can be pretty sure that Cook knows what he’s doing, huh? Look at that impressive suit. And his knowledge of con men.”
2012-03-16 01:35:23
@CarlieP: @MockTM 35 minutes in and still no wasp women! This is almost as bad as the 45 minutes before birds in Birdemic.
2012-03-16 01:35:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now, to inject myself with the *original* Project 5 formulas!” #LawnmowerMan
2012-03-16 01:35:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM When doing something sneaky and covert, protip: don’t wear clompy heels.
2012-03-16 01:35:59
@brx0: @MockTM If a horrible monster shows up in the next season of Mad Men, we’ll know for sure the’re ripping off this movie.
2012-03-16 01:36:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM Okay, if I don’t see a wasp woman soon, I’m going to start to suspect that Roger Corman doesn’t know how to make a quality movie.
2012-03-16 01:36:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM Remember, when dosing yourself with wasp enzyme extract, always do your gums with the residue.
2012-03-16 01:36:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Lady Boss! You are crazy!
2012-03-16 01:36:47
@CarlieP: @MockTM Would serve her right if she injected just enough to get her back to puberty and acne.
2012-03-16 01:36:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @drskyskull How dare you impugn Corman’s abilities? It’s not like he’s had hundreds of chances to prove otherwise or anything!
2012-03-16 01:37:25
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Warning — anti-aging formula may cause rampant eyebrow-ism.”
2012-03-16 01:37:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s working! I’m becoming a kitten again!”
2012-03-16 01:37:47
@szvan: @MockTM Good thing it doesn’t matter which direction you inject something into a vein.
2012-03-16 01:37:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM wow, that lab has a lot of glassware hooked up in a totally bullshit fashion
2012-03-16 01:38:06
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck Yes, I’ve forgotten all the buzz surrounding him…
2012-03-16 01:38:21
@Cotesia1: @MockTM “Return to Youth” – makes you look/act drunk.
2012-03-16 01:38:43
@brx0: @MockTM I’ve always wondered: In mad scientist movies, is the lab stuff usually real, or is there such a thing as theatrical lab glassware?
2012-03-16 01:38:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Of course it’s me. I just took off the false eyebrows and put on lipstick.”
2012-03-16 01:38:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM @DrRubidium Obviously, you just don’t understand SCIENCE! 😛
2012-03-16 01:39:14
@brx0: @MockTM And if there is such a thing as theatrical lab glassware, I bet that’s kind of a fun company to work for, right?
2012-03-16 01:39:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM she doesn’t look that different to me
2012-03-16 01:39:31
@DrRubidium: @MockTM don’t do it, Mary! Lady Boss is going to kill you!
2012-03-16 01:39:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That’ll be all for now gentlemen.” “But you’re so hot now!” “I SAID GOOD DAY. Oh, not you, Mary.” “Um, I don’t swing that way…”
2012-03-16 01:40:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Wow, boss, you’re…at least 2.2 times more boner-worthy!”
2012-03-16 01:40:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM These scenes of the mad scientist hanging up his coat and hat are really developing the character for me.
2012-03-16 01:40:48
@Cotesia1: @MockTM – Curious scientist killed the cat – that was intense.
2012-03-16 01:40:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How old do I look?” “Um.. don’t tell me… 40? 60? 26? Wait! I got it! 12!”
2012-03-16 01:41:02
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR! #ladyboss
2012-03-16 01:41:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, that cat was *not* happy when the Internet man put a caption on it.
2012-03-16 01:41:23
@CarlieP: @mocktm “It always goes wrong at the end. They all turn into blueberries… I mean wasps.”
2012-03-16 01:41:30
@drskyskull: @MockTM I can tell you that the tortured cat sounds were totally fakey — I’ve got a cat in the room now who heard & didn’t give a damn.
2012-03-16 01:41:53
@brx0: @MockTM And here’s the “I told you so” meeting all businesspeople dream of.
2012-03-16 01:41:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude, someone just threw that cat at the doctor! How horrible!
2012-03-16 01:42:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM So, first the cat goes crazy, then the crazy cat lady…
2012-03-16 01:42:26
@szvan: @MockTM Yeah, dude. Hide behind the wall. The smell of the pipe will never, ever give you away.
2012-03-16 01:43:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, when I stalk a mad scientist, I always have a pipe too. Good choice, Corman.
2012-03-16 01:43:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM Good thing industrial secrets are never kept under lock and key!
2012-03-16 01:43:30
@drskyskull: @MockTM The office atmosphere would probably be a lot less tense if someone would stop playing the xylophone all the time.
2012-03-16 01:43:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ooh, the Doctor’s little black book. Seems our pipe-smoking detective is really just looking for that one secretary’s number!
2012-03-16 01:44:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Mr. Zinthrop? I’m noticing a second pair of legs growing out of me. Is that normal?”
2012-03-16 01:44:35
@brx0: @MockTM I’m told that wasn’t a real elevator we just saw.
2012-03-16 01:44:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Uh-oh. Things are about to go all waspy
2012-03-16 01:45:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM A traffic accident too horrifying to fit in the budget!
2012-03-16 01:45:12
@szvan: @MockTM That room? That’s where we keep all the flowers. For the wasps that think they’re bees.
2012-03-16 01:45:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, the doctor was just killed in a car accident. Another case for our Detective of the SubGenius!
2012-03-16 01:45:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what the hell? hit-and-run?
2012-03-16 01:45:40
@Cotesia1: @MockTM Hey, Mr. Helmann looks like Perry Mason’s detective – did you have to look like that to be a PI in the 60s?
2012-03-16 01:45:48
@brx0: @MockTM The whole smart guy with pipe & bow tie thing is getting old. Hoping he gets eaten or stung or something.
2012-03-16 01:46:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Let me call someone on my GIGANTOPHONE!!!”
2012-03-16 01:46:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, someone fed that phone growth hormone!
2012-03-16 01:46:36
@CarlieP: @MockTM “Say, I have a funny buzzing sound in my head.”
2012-03-16 01:46:39
@brx0: @MockTM My policy is to never trust men who wear bow ties. Including my new congressman.
2012-03-16 01:46:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “So that’s what she meant.” “Who?” “Ayn Rand.” “You understood ANYTHING she wrote?”
2012-03-16 01:47:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM Dammit, that’s the address for Wrigley Field!
2012-03-16 01:47:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Mary, you better watch your back. You know, for the wasp stinger that headed your way
2012-03-16 01:47:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Expecting one of these guys in the car to tell the other that they’re “out of line”.
2012-03-16 01:47:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is like LA Noire only without all the vehicular homicide.
2012-03-16 01:48:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM This is like the part of every Dragnet episode where “interviews with the neighbors yielded no new leads”, but with xylophones.
2012-03-16 01:48:41
@brx0: @MockTM And now we see what happens when you don’t follow standard HR procedures w/ contractors: No contact info on file when you need it.
2012-03-16 01:48:47
@drskyskull: @MockTM Roger Corman: “That’s it, let’s film the *entire* car ride, in real time! Genius!!!”
2012-03-16 01:48:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM The best thing about this movie is the xylophone soundtrack
2012-03-16 01:49:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Please, track down that xylophone dude and run him the hell over.
2012-03-16 01:49:10
@szvan: @MockTM Only the xylophone can make that phone sound calm and pleasant.
2012-03-16 01:49:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM “It’s hard to say how much brain damage he’s had. Since he’s starring in this film, he obviously started with a lot.”
2012-03-16 01:50:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “OK, now we get a submarine and a miniaturization ray…”
2012-03-16 01:50:08
@szvan: @MockTM He must be our scientist! He was wearing a lab coat! Outside the lab!
2012-03-16 01:50:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s always so rough on the grad students when the PI is in a coma.
2012-03-16 01:51:00
@brx0: @MockTM I always <3 the driving-around-town parts of B movies, just to look at the scenery.
2012-03-16 01:51:05
@drskyskull: @MockTM Wait — when they say “Wasp Woman”, do they mean “White Anglo-Saxon Protestant”?
2012-03-16 01:51:45
@CarlieP: @mocktm Watch out, he’s going to run a qualitative analysis!
2012-03-16 01:51:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I could run a qualitative analysis. After all, I *was* an English Lit major.”
2012-03-16 01:51:49
@DrRubidium: @MockTM how young does Janice want to look? She’s already at 23.
2012-03-16 01:51:57
@drskyskull: @MockTM OMG — the wasp woman is tickling him to death!
2012-03-16 01:52:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so, she’s a vampire?
2012-03-16 01:53:12
@szvan: @MockTM Wasp womens got heels?
2012-03-16 01:53:14
@drskyskull: @MockTM Oh, he was just gruesomely murdered! (Xylophone: “Dinky dinky dink dink dink!”)
2012-03-16 01:53:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM The dramatic death scene score can’t be beat. #tinkletinklefeepfeep
2012-03-16 01:53:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM @DrRubidium “so, she’s a vampire?” Just like all wasps! Q.E.D., uh, caveat emptor!
2012-03-16 01:53:52
@DrRubidium: @MockTM where the hell is the body?!
2012-03-16 01:53:56
@szvan: @MockTM It must be true remorse. It’s a bassoon instead of a xylophone.
2012-03-16 01:54:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM Yes. Medicine is a “touchy business”.
2012-03-16 01:54:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Left room, returned, saw the tail end of the wasp woman attack followed immediately by “Good Natured Hobo” music. Whaaa?
2012-03-16 01:54:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM Good thing they’re still in the Tuskeegee era of medical ethics.
2012-03-16 01:54:44
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh, Pipe Man’s gonna do a qualitative analysis. So far that involves snooping in the fridge.
2012-03-16 01:54:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM “New youth formula from Starling Enterprises! CAUTION: some waspism may occur.”
2012-03-16 01:55:02
@CarlieP: @MockTM “So, what’s the marketing buzz on our new product?”
2012-03-16 01:55:07
@GertrudeIII: @szvan @MockTM In the daytime WASP women wear a kitten heel, for dinner a nice pump, and for cocktails usually a tasteful evening open toe.
2012-03-16 01:55:14
@brx0: @MockTM And here we go. Victim #1: Pipe Man gets it! Yay!
2012-03-16 01:55:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are you all right?” “Just a little headache.” “Can I get you something?” “Maybe someone to eat. I mean something. THING.”
2012-03-16 01:55:42
@szvan: @GertrudeIII @MockTM And for killing?
2012-03-16 01:55:55
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 That’s going to be my comment whenever I’m hungry from now on — “Excuse me, time to do some qualitative analysis.”
2012-03-16 01:56:02
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Maureen has the WORST Jersey accent EVER
2012-03-16 01:56:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Pretty Puss”? Really?
2012-03-16 01:57:00
@brx0: @MockTM #Protip: Turning into a nocturnal wasp monster causes headaches in the morning.
2012-03-16 01:57:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hi pretty-puss! You know where…” *crotch thrust* “… et cetera yadda yadda?”
2012-03-16 01:57:16
@brx0: @MockTM Personally, I blame the headaches on all that nicotine in victim #1.
2012-03-16 01:57:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Mary, you better get the hell outta there! You’re next!
2012-03-16 01:58:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM “There’s something I must tell you…something important…I like craisins.”
2012-03-16 01:58:38
@CarlieP: @MockTM So doing everything to make him comfortable is putting him on a folding bed in her office? Wasps are mean.
2012-03-16 01:58:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “When you’re feeling better there are a few things we need to talk to you about. Like genetic recombination, hobo murders…”
2012-03-16 01:58:56
@brx0: @MockTM Interesting that Pipe Man’s been missing all day and the office has barely noticed. Clearly, nomming on him was a wise HR move.
2012-03-16 01:59:25
@Cotesia1: @MockTM Meeting the swarm with a gun…Guess it did’t work.
2012-03-16 01:59:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I just want her to know I’m an eager member of the orgy…team.”
2012-03-16 02:00:00
@drskyskull: @MockTM Zinthrop’s secret anti-aging formula: remove thick-framed, unattractive eyeglasses.
2012-03-16 02:00:20
@szvan: @MockTM Let Mary live. Take the asshole boyfriend. Now. Please.
2012-03-16 02:00:46
@brx0: @MockTM So far, the scariest thing in the movie is the idea of being hospitalized for brain trauma in the 1950s.
2012-03-16 02:00:56
@CarlieP: @MockTM Wow, they didn’t even spring for a Wilhelm scream.
2012-03-16 02:01:38
@drskyskull: @MockTM So, Starlin has turned into a wasp and Zinthrop into a vegetable? THANK YOU — I’LL BE HERE ALL MOVIE! #Xylophoneplaysmeoff
2012-03-16 02:01:40
@szvan: @drskyskull @MockTM And smiling. Can’t forget smiling.
2012-03-16 02:01:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “She swears she heard the screaming from one of the other floors, but you know how women are, right Mary?”
2012-03-16 02:02:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM @szvan Of course! $500 per smile!
2012-03-16 02:02:40
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m going to find out what that is, Mary.” “You do that, asshole. Just order me another drink first.”
2012-03-16 02:02:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Something’s happening to me! I can’t control it!” She’s de-aged so far she’s going through puberty again!
2012-03-16 02:03:06
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, now the comical fat night watchman hears buzzing. The night watchman always gets it.
2012-03-16 02:03:18
@drskyskull: @MockTM “He’s dead. And the night watchman. There’s also a dead prostitute, but I did that.”
2012-03-16 02:03:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Stunning display of deductive reasoning from Mary’s boyfriend. That, or one too many drinks.
2012-03-16 02:04:23
@brx0: @MockTM Now rumors of mysterious screaming around the office. Yeah, still a documentary about the business world.
2012-03-16 02:04:30
@drskyskull: @MockTM This wasp woman is still not as hideous and disgusting as Rick Santorum, but admittedly that’s a hard thing to top.
2012-03-16 02:04:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh no! That nurse is being attacked by the rabbit from Donnie Darko!!
2012-03-16 02:04:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM I guess wasps are also known for failing to remove incriminating evidence.
2012-03-16 02:05:09
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 They would’ve killed a red shirt, but the film’s in B&W.
2012-03-16 02:05:13
@szvan: @MockTM “The wasp woman bit me, mommy!” “Don’t be silly, child. Wasps don’t bite. They sting.”
2012-03-16 02:05:14
@brx0: @MockTM They found Pipe Man’s pipe. A clue!
2012-03-16 02:06:09
@Cotesia1: @MockTM That is a great shiner by the way. The horror – having the recuperate at the office.
2012-03-16 02:06:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well, her coat and all her stuff are still there. She wouldn’t go out without her purse. You know how women are, right Mary?”
2012-03-16 02:06:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 Jinkies!
2012-03-16 02:06:53
@CarlieP: @MockTM @szvan If she had stung everyone with her butt, the movie would have gotten a different rating.
2012-03-16 02:06:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hello villain? Here’s where we are!”
2012-03-16 02:07:13
@CarlieP: @MockTM The call! It’s coming from inside the building!
2012-03-16 02:07:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM I think Zinthrop is desperate trying to tell them that he would prefer a different style of pajamas.
2012-03-16 02:07:35
@brx0: @MockTM And the victims keep piling up. Nobody’s even mentioned calling the cops yet though.
2012-03-16 02:08:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A phone line in the hospital that you can’t get outside lines on, that evidently exists inside the company building. Hmm.
2012-03-16 02:08:42
@drskyskull: @MockTM @CarlieP @szvan Ha!
2012-03-16 02:08:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Miss Starlin is no longer a human being… she’s a corporate executive.”
2012-03-16 02:09:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ve got to call the police now.” “Don’t be silly. I’m not done murdering everyone yet.”
2012-03-16 02:09:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM That’s it, Mary — cover your *own* face so the wasp woman can’t see you!
2012-03-16 02:10:00
@brx0: @MockTM I still don’t think that’s a real elevator. Just sayin’.
2012-03-16 02:10:04
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Mary! Mary!” I feel like I’m now watching Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life”, but with wasps.
2012-03-16 02:10:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “No wait! I can’t take stairs in my condition! *sigh* I guess I’ll wait here then.”
2012-03-16 02:11:18
@szvan: @MockTM The elevator will take forever to get to us, but we must respond to those screams that were so close!
2012-03-16 02:11:22
@CarlieP: @MockTM The cosmetics executive building has over 50 floors?
2012-03-16 02:11:28
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hmmm, this aged meat is kind of gamy.”
2012-03-16 02:11:33
@drskyskull: @MockTM You know what this fight scene could use? Some of those 60’s Batman “BAM!” and “POW!” cards.
2012-03-16 02:12:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The loud buzzing noise is a great directorial choice, so you know that she’s supposed to be a wasp.
2012-03-16 02:12:24
@CarlieP: @mocktm Wait, what? That was it??
2012-03-16 02:13:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Apparently long falls make wasp-women (who make loud buzzes, e.g. have wings) die then melt. Whoda thought?
2012-03-16 02:13:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM And *that’s* “The Wasp Woman”! Don’t take any wooden enzymes, and good night!
2012-03-16 02:13:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM Sadly, the two survivors were killed when they slipped and fell on that guy’s misplaced pipe.
2012-03-16 02:13:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Denouement? That’s for GOOD directors. Like Michael Bay. Or that one French guy.
2012-03-16 02:14:03
@szvan: @MockTM The lesson, boys and girls, is to never, ever grow old. Well, really, it’s just a lesson for the girls.
2012-03-16 02:14:07
@drskyskull: @MockTM Okay, everyone else survive the terror of “The Wasp Woman”? Don’t be afraid to admit that you were afraid!
2012-03-16 02:14:12
@brx0: @MockTM This wouldn’t be all that terrifying without the constant buzzing sound effect.
2012-03-16 02:14:27
@brx0: @MockTM Carbolic acid? Really?
2012-03-16 02:15:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM For a few moments in the climactic battle with Mary, I totally expected Mary to monkey-flip wasp lady out the window.
2012-03-16 02:15:33
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaaand the traditional abrupt end. No time for idle chit-chat after the monster gets it.
2012-03-16 02:16:16
@CarlieP: @mocktm @brx0 I’ve been searching for carbolic acid/phenol effects on wasps, and I’m coming up with nothing.
2012-03-16 02:16:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So growing old is bad, but becoming a murderous monster in an attempt to stay young is much preferable.
2012-03-16 02:17:34
@drskyskull: @MockTM As always, it was fun everyone! Weird watching a MockTM with @blakestacey in the same room watching it too!
2012-03-16 02:17:39
@lousycanuck: @drskyskull @MockTM @blakestacey We need to do a live Mock The Movie sometime. Who’s all going to CONvergence!?!?!!1
2012-03-16 02:18:37
@CarlieP: @mocktm @brx0 It’s corrosive and poisonous, sure, but not a common pesticide or anything. Just a common cosmetics ingredient…
2012-03-16 02:18:55
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, no. Did the movie kill @DrRubidium?
2012-03-16 02:18:55
@drskyskull: @lousycanuck @MockTM @blakestacey Alas, not me! I’m still hoping we’ll do one at a ScienceOnline sometime!
2012-03-16 02:19:18
@CarlieP: @mocktm @brx0 Wait! It’s irony that she got killed by a cosmetics ingredient! That’s it!
2012-03-16 02:19:21

Mock the Movie: Wasp Woman transcript

5 thoughts on “Mock the Movie: Wasp Woman transcript

  1. 4

    If you haven’t done ‘The Alligator People’ kindly consider that next.

    Or ‘Curse of the Blue Lights’ but that’s only for hard-core suffering.

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