Stop Blaming Consent Violations on Social Awkwardness

Content Notice for Consent Violations (including sexual assault and rape)

Consider those who share unsolicited images of their genitalia. Who sexually touch themselves and/or others in public. Who yell inappropriately-explicit comments at passersby. Who make obscene gestures. Who refuse to take “no” — whether stated a tone soft or hard, polite or angry — for an answer. Who violate consent.

They know exactly what they are doing, and they are relying on how people insist that socially-unacceptable behavior only originates with socially-awkward individuals to continue to get away with it. Continue reading “Stop Blaming Consent Violations on Social Awkwardness”

Stop Blaming Consent Violations on Social Awkwardness

Why I Don’t Care About Consent Education’s Effect on Rape Rates

Content Notice for Sexual Assault

As was recently brought up by Emily Nagoski on The Dirty Normal in response to that tea/consent analogy, among many other excellent points, there is no evidence that consent education actually prevents sexual violence. It may well be that consent education may not work to directly prevent rape.

It will be a while before we have the adequate numbers from enough studies to know whether or not this is true. Regardless of the outcome, I honestly think that doesn’t matter for one reason alone: Consent education isn’t for rapists in the first place. Continue reading “Why I Don’t Care About Consent Education’s Effect on Rape Rates”

Why I Don’t Care About Consent Education’s Effect on Rape Rates

Standards of Evidence: Sharia vs. Rape Deniers vs. US Courts

Content Notice for Discussion of Rape and Sexual Assault. Also note that for purposes of comparison, the only crimes being discussed are male-on-female. There is shamefully little-to-nothing in Sharia regarding men and boys who are sexually violated and rape deniers rarely take the issue of male-on-male or female-on-male rape into consideration.

Conclusion: You just might be a hypocritical misogynist if your standards of evidence for rape are more stringent than those of certain iterations of traditional Sharia. Thank goodness for the American justice system which, flawed as it is, has not such victim-blaming standards.

Continue reading “Standards of Evidence: Sharia vs. Rape Deniers vs. US Courts”

Standards of Evidence: Sharia vs. Rape Deniers vs. US Courts

Why I Stopped Laughing at Rape Jokes

Content notice for sexual assault in the section called “Life Lessons” and ableism in the section called “Losing the Lulz”

I revisited a part of my past of which I am anything but proud in order to shed some light on why some people might laugh at rape jokes. What got me to stop finding downward-punching rape jokes funny was a process rather than any sort of a-ha! moment of sudden enlightenment. The process involved reading a lot, living a bit more, reconsidering my love of the Darwin Awards, and de-centering male desire in terms of my understanding of my self-worth. Continue reading “Why I Stopped Laughing at Rape Jokes”

Why I Stopped Laughing at Rape Jokes

Why I Used to Laugh at Rape Jokes

A version of this originally appeared as a comment on a Facebook post by Miri. Content warning for what it says on the tin.

Someone on Tumblr made a great point about this: I’m tired of trying to explain why rape jokes* aren’t funny. Why don’t you explain to me why they are?

* By which I don’t mean “jokes that reference rape in some way”; I mean “jokes in which the rape victim is the one being laughed at”

I can still remember the first time I heard a rape joke told aloud. It was when I was first getting to know a classmate of mine. At one point, he decided to ask me what the difference between sex and rape was. The answering punchline was “patience.” I not only laughed heartily, I made a show of how funny I found it.

I once was a loud-and-proud supporter of rape jokes because I was fresh out of fundamentalism, enjoyed “fail”-type humor, wanted men to approve of me, and despised attractive women. Continue reading “Why I Used to Laugh at Rape Jokes”

Why I Used to Laugh at Rape Jokes

Does It Matter If It Was for Lulz or for Faps?

Content notice for consent violations of all kinds

The Sam Pepper scandal(? incident[s]? revelation[s]? trainwreck?) has been making the rounds. As I am not a YouTuber, per se, I have been mostly watching without weighing in much. I have cheered on those who are bringing his harassment and assault to light — those who aren’t him, that is, since he seems pretty adept at exposing himself (for what he is and otherwise).

In discussions specifically focused on the “prank” video that started it all, some defended Sam Pepper’s actions as “for fun” and “a joke.” I was reminded of the other times I’ve heard the “but it’s for lulz, not faps” defense.

The first time I entered an explicitly LGB space  and had my breasts groped by a male interloper. He responded to my aghast expression with “It’s okay, honey; I’m gay. Just checking if they were real. They’re nice.”

The Tumblr post by a self-described anti-feminist woman arguing that women ought to be okay with street harassment since her male friends tell her they do it to be “funny.” The lack of genuine sexual interest in the women they harass makes it okay, she thinks.

A story out of the UK where a man convicted of groping a woman’s crotch while she was out with her children saying “I didn’t know it was wrong. I was just having a laugh.”

The self-professed A-cup straight woman who harassed me for weeks about my breasts. She was shocked that I, with my double-Ds, wasn’t wearing low necklines in the workplace.

The street harassers who, when I confront them, tell me to calm down since I’m too unattractive for them to ever seriously consider anyway.

“It’s just a joke” is never an excuse for anything in the first place, but I’m fascinated by this notion that, as long as something is not done for prurient interest, it’s excusable. That if the perpetrators are not looking to get off, they get away with it and are off the hook. That if the ending ejaculation releases breath via laughter rather than sexual fluids via an orgasm, everything is fine.

As Miri points out

When I am being sexually assaulted, I don’t care what the person assaulting me truly deeply believes about this encounter and what it means to them and how they feel about it in their heart of hearts. I am being sexually assaulted. I would like them to stop sexually assaulting me now.

A lack of sexual intent or interest does not render consent violations any less violating.

Does It Matter If It Was for Lulz or for Faps?

Everything That My Tits Have Gotten Me in Life

Content Notice for Sexual Harassment and Body Image

This past weekend, a friend of a friend insinuated that the reason I had been able to get two beers at this particular brewery instead of the single one he had managed to procure was my breasts.

Never mind that the bartender who had given it to me was the female one, not one of the two male ones, and that one of the beers was a half-pour. Never mind that I was wearing a high-necked dress, had another person in my company, had been a regular at the brewery’s former location, was in line far ahead of him, and was behaving rather sedately, especially compared to how loudly and boisterously as he was acting.

Nope, it must have been my breasts.

Had it been a passing remark, I would have rolled my eyes and let it go. Instead, he went on to hurr-hurr about it with another male friend-of-a-friend, so I was compelled to point out the most dramatic and most recent example of what my breasts have actually gotten me: rape threats.

There are plenty of other things my breasts have gotten me.

Continue reading “Everything That My Tits Have Gotten Me in Life”

Everything That My Tits Have Gotten Me in Life

A Roundup of “Anti-Rape” Products

Content Notice for Sexual Violence. For a more serious take, Miri said it quite well.

Despite all the fuss being made over the so-called “anti-rape nail polish” that recently won a grant, there have been many products allegedly designed to prevent rape and sexual assault on the market over the years.

Continue reading “A Roundup of “Anti-Rape” Products”

A Roundup of “Anti-Rape” Products