Perspectives on Marriage, Re: The Arranged Kind

Content Notices: discussion of coerced marriages and child marriages; mild fatphobia in paragraph eight

While arranged marriages tend to either be wholly defended or reviled by those outside of cultures that currently engage in it, the way in which it is practiced varies quite bit. Arranged marriages don’t all work one way or follow one script. This ought to be unsurprising for a practice that ranges through many time periods, cultures, religions, sensibilities, and geographic regions.

A variety in terms of what arranged marriages can look like as well as their differing outcomes can be found within a just single person’s perspective and experience: mine. My family has been part of the Subcontinental Diaspora for multiple generations now, so I have relatives on every continent except for South America (and Antarctica, if you count that as a continent). Combine that with how the generation preceding mine consists of large families where the first child was born when the parents are teens and the last was born right before Mom hit menopause, and you get a family where, within just three generations, marriage practices vary greatly. Continue reading “Perspectives on Marriage, Re: The Arranged Kind”

Perspectives on Marriage, Re: The Arranged Kind
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Search Term Round-Up #5: Polyamory & Kink

Content Notice for What It Says on the Tin. NSFW.

Inspired in no small part by the grand tradition of Captain Awkward, and written back in August 2015, when I was still at Freethought Blogs.

Other Round Ups:

Continue reading “Search Term Round-Up #5: Polyamory & Kink”

Search Term Round-Up #5: Polyamory & Kink

Taher Shah’s Lessons on Autism & Social Norms

Taher Shah had been the butt of the Pakistani and Indian internet’s jokes for his music videos ever since his 2013 release of Eye to Eye. When I first discovered and started showing people Eye to Eye, I will admit it was for reasons related to mockery. Observing people’s reactions to him after his Angel video, as well as a specific aspect of the discomfort of the allistic during Eye to Eye, have brought me around to completely un-ironically thinking he actually is a beautiful and special person with a lot to teach.

No, really! Continue reading “Taher Shah’s Lessons on Autism & Social Norms”

Taher Shah’s Lessons on Autism & Social Norms

Bad Poly’s Poster Child: A Navel-Gaze

This post partly grew out of a conversation with my friend Wesley Fenza, who writes at Living Within Reason. Wesley has a companion blog post with his more measured take on this issue.

Through the lens of mainstream media depictions of polyamory, I am the poster child for Bad Poly (and Bad Non-Monogamy, generally). Posturing for respectability is not for me and never will be, and I am not the least bit sorry.

Continue reading “Bad Poly’s Poster Child: A Navel-Gaze”

Bad Poly’s Poster Child: A Navel-Gaze

Why Donald Trump is a Legitimate Threat

Please note that I will entertain exactly zero Bernie Sanders vs. Hillary Clinton debates in the comments. I am in no state to moderate and these conversations rarely lead anywhere good. This is about Donald Trump.

Yesterday, I was chilled to the bone upon hearing that Ted Cruz had dropped out. Today, my fears were confirmed by Kasich’s dropping out of the raceDonald Trump is likely going to be running for the office of president of the United States of America, and I don’t know if I want to be around to see what is going to happen.

Not helping are the many well-meaning individuals who try to give comfort by saying that he is a joke candidate worth nothing but mockery, he couldn’t actually be elected, other candidates would have been worse nominees, he would be unable to enact his policies if elected, he is going to change his mind as he always has, or his presidency would serve as a galvanizing force for the Left.

They are dead wrong. Nothing about any of that is helpful. This situation is real, and this is frightening.

Continue reading “Why Donald Trump is a Legitimate Threat”

Why Donald Trump is a Legitimate Threat

Frivolous Friday: Birthday Arts & Crafts!

Warning for mentions of alcohol and trypophobia on the bottom-right corner of the fifth image.

Frivolous Fridays are the Orbit bloggers’ excuse to post about fun things we care a lot about that may not necessarily have serious implications for politics or social justice. Although any day is a good day to write about our passions outside of social issues, we sometimes have a hard time giving ourselves permission to do that. This is our way of encouraging each other to take a break from serious topics and have some fun.

Last Friday was my birthday (which I share with the Earth). For the past few years, my birthdays have meant outings with friends or a partner or two, not a party.

our foster kitty, Duchess (who is still very much available for adoption wink wink) , presides over the arting
our foster kitty, Duchess (who is still very much available for adoption) , presides over the arting

This year, for my 28th, I decided a party was in order. I called it Creative Destruction and promised snacks, a boozy punch bowl, and art supplies. I asked that guests, if they so chose, to bring drinks and food they liked and further art supplies, as well as wear that thing they never get to wear elsewhere. Fueled by Girl Scout cookies, chips and guac, a punch bowl filled to the brim with a lovely red sangria, and a few other things, we arted. Hard.

Continue reading “Frivolous Friday: Birthday Arts & Crafts!”

Frivolous Friday: Birthday Arts & Crafts!

Penis Myths: Beyond the Long & Short of It

Extensive discussion of genitalia and sexual activity below, including brief mentions of non-consensual activity. I’ve made my best effort to stay away from gender essentialist and cissexist language, but if I’ve failed, please feel free to let me know. In that same spirit, please try to refrain from equating gender and genitalia in the comments. Additionally, this is written from an allosexual point of view and, very likely, a pansexual bias. My thanks to the friends who responded to the original version of this post on Facebook for helping me to refine and process my thoughts.

sausage photo

Myths about penises are the wurst.

I would apologize for the bad, bad pun, but an apology implies regret as well as a desire to refrain from the action in future, and I am claiming no such thing. I want in on this action.

That’s three puns/plays on words so far, how many more will you catch?
Continue reading “Penis Myths: Beyond the Long & Short of It”

Penis Myths: Beyond the Long & Short of It

3 Sexy Songs That Made Sense After Coming Out

Frivolous Fridays are the Orbit bloggers’ excuse to post about fun things we care a lot about that may not necessarily have serious implications for politics or social justice. Although any day is a good day to write about our passions outside of social issues, we sometimes have a hard time giving ourselves permission to do that. This is our way of encouraging each other to take a break from serious topics and have some fun.

Content Notice: Discussions of sexuality and kink.

For my first bout of official network-sanctioned frivolity (which coincidentally coincides with my 28th birthday) I will be taking a look at three songs where some aspect of them made much more sense after a coming-out by the singer, in the case of Livin’ La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin; the first person I ever asked out, our date involving the song Big Spender from Sweet Charity; and me, which explains my love for Depeche Mode’s Master and Servant.

This, of course, is in part inspired by thinking about Prince. Continue reading “3 Sexy Songs That Made Sense After Coming Out”

3 Sexy Songs That Made Sense After Coming Out

My Prince, or Who Cares About Celebrity Deaths

As Niki reports, 2016 is seriously sucking as far as celebrity deaths go. Prince, as in the Prince, has been confirmed dead. A lot of us are in mourning.

1063615_af66e6cee4_prince

Those who aren’t are wondering why. He exhibited a petty streak, as some of these stories dubiously dubbed “outrageous” confirmed. He was a dedicated Jehovah’s Witness, along with all that is carried by that description. Furthermore, mourning celebrities, especially non-niche ones, is commonly associated with being vapid and shallow, so empty in your head and in your life that you over-invest yourself in the lives of famous people. Feeling sad about the death of a star is for people too mainstream to care about things that the masses are too uninformed to care about, the reasoning goes. I may be guilty of multiple counts of performative apathy on this front myself.

Yet, for me, the grief over the death of Prince only exists because I am and always was a weirdo in so many ways, not because of the few aspects of myself that might be considered stock-standard. Continue reading “My Prince, or Who Cares About Celebrity Deaths”

My Prince, or Who Cares About Celebrity Deaths

How Nelson Mandela Becomes “African American”

I’ve witnessed my friends in education have a good laugh over a student calling Nelson Mandela “African American” to differentiate him from the white South Africans responsible for his oppression. Back when I used to be an SAT tutor, I, too, chuckled when I read essays calling Mandela and any number of other African historically significant figures by that term. Bonus guffaws were awarded when the student called someone who died before 1776 by that term.

It is incredibly funny when a student uses the term anachronistically or otherwise incorrectly, but these instances also indicate something important about the sorts of conversations about race that American students have — and more importantly don’t have — especially at the secondary and elementary school level. Continue reading “How Nelson Mandela Becomes “African American””

How Nelson Mandela Becomes “African American”