5 Reasons Why Gullfrazie is the Orange Candidate Who Gets My Vote

Frivolous Fridays are the Orbit bloggers’ excuse to post about fun things we care about that may not have serious implications for atheism or social justice. Any day is a good day to write about whatever the heck we’re interested in (hey, we put “culture” in our tagline for a reason), but we sometimes have a hard time giving ourselves permission to do that. This is our way of encouraging each other to take a break from serious topics and have some fun. Enjoy!

The joke is that, eight years after electing its first black president, America is now ready for its first orange president. Orange is the new black and all.


Now that the orange man in question is no longer a joke candidate, if it really is the case that we need someone orange for president, I nominate Gullfrazie!

He Isn’t Afraid to Go Where No Gull Has Gone Before

According to his rescuer, “We have had wildlife covered in cooking fat and glue, but we have never had one covered in curry before.”

What a paradigm-buster! Unlike, say, some white guy who rides on inherited wealth.

HE Bridges Cultural Gaps

“Gullfrazie” might be what his rescuers have dubbed him, but some publications have been calling him the “Spice Gull.”  Who would’ve thought the girl-power group of the 1990’s would be talked about in the same breath as one of my absolute favorite dishes to order at Indo-Pak eateries?

left: The Spice Girls. right: paneer jalfrezi
I never cared for The Spice Girls, but paneer jalfrezi makes me swoon.

Bonus: Posh Spice is an orange Brit. Inspiring indeed!

Additionally, this bird’s stains follow in the haldi traditions very common and popular on the Subcontinent. Maybe he was trying to signal that he wanted to get married? Or perhaps spread turmeric awareness? After all, his coloration has inspired many of us to share tips with each other on how to get turmeric stains out of plastic food containers, kitchen counter-tops, and fingertips (I personally swear by baking soda or hydrogen peroxide). For those interested in avoiding the stains in the first place, the increase in sales of wooden cookware and steel karahi will likely stimulate the economy.

He Learns From His Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes an epic level of stubbornness and irrationality to repeat them over and over to your own detriment. Conversely, it takes a very thoughtful creature to learn from them. This gull has realized that blander food might be a safer and less painful option for him. Good on Gullfrazie!

HE Smells Amazing

According to the top answer at super-scientific survey site Quora, Donald Trump does not smell niceOn the other hand, by all accounts, Gullfrazie does.

He Cleans Up Pretty Nicely

seagull cleaned up

I mean, just look at this handsome fellow! He looks good orange or not. Meanwhile, Trump tends to look fairly tacky despite having all the money you need to look nice.

Count me on Team Gullfrazie~

5 Reasons Why Gullfrazie is the Orange Candidate Who Gets My Vote

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