There Are Good Reasons to Not Date a Muslim Man

I came across this video the other day, and, welp, see for yourself (transcript).

To get this out of the way: Karim is not a “Muslim name.” It is an Arabic name that Muslims name their children, since Karim is one of the 99 names of Allah, but the word and name predate Islam.

As for her reason to not date this Karim, obviously, since most Muslims don’t behead people or beat their wives, not wanting to associate with people like that is a bad reason to not want to date a Muslim.

There are some good reasons why this woman might want to walk away, though, that aren’t based on less-warranted stereotypes, reasons that have to do with the realities of the ways in which sexism, misogyny, sex-negativity, patriarchy, and purity culture manifest themselves Muslim-dominated cultures.

In short, mid-life crises come early and hit harder for non-practicing Muslim men.

I have seen this play out so many times in my own family and community that it no longer surprises me. There are men who spend their youth in Western countries like England, Canada, or the US and abuse the sexism of their family’s double-standards and low expectations for men to its fullest. Since, generally speaking, male children are not as carefully guarded and watched over as female ones, young Muslim men have the opportunity to far more easily date, have sex, and get involved with non-Muslim women than young Muslim women do. Some of the men will go out partying, drinking, clubbing — you name the haraam thing, they do it (except for maybe eating pork).

However, since these men still identify as Muslims, the dissonance eventually catches up with them. Add increasing pressure from families to wed the “right” sort of person (i.e. the same pressure their sisters felt much more acutely and from a much younger age) and this means an eventual return to fulfilling filial expectations. They will ditch their youthful “sinful” lifestyle and all those associated with it in favor of an arranged marriage to an often much-younger, presumably virgin woman from “back home.” Their families rejoice that their sons have finally done the “right thing”, even if it means dumping any number of non-Muslim girlfriends to attain that goal.

I know a lot of non-Muslim women who have been unceremoniously dumped after years of a long-term relationship with a Muslim man to clear the way for him to marry a teenager deemed appropriate by his family. Their reward for open-mindedness to someone of a minority, demonized faith was heartbreak. Being tossed aside like so much old garbage after years of being with someone and planning a future with them is not what most people have in mind for their lives.

The return-to-tradition brides often don’t fare much better, either. If they are from overseas, the adjustment to life in the United States can be difficult. Whether they are foreign or Western, their husbands might treat them resentfully as symbols of all the “fun” they left behind. I personally know of cases where the Muslim husband continued dating his non-Muslim girlfriend after marriage and, when caught and confronted, claimed that he was “trying the whole marriage thing out.” Unbeknownst to his wife, he was testing the waters, not fully committed to a marriage.

Granted, non-Muslim girlfriends of Muslim men have a much higher chance of marrying their partners than non-Muslim boyfriends of Muslim women. In Islam, male believers are allowed to marry Jewish and Christian women but a marriage between a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim man is considered invalid (though there is a loophole). However, the reason for this is that Muhammad presumed that (1) the reason for marriage is to increase the population of the Muslim ummah and (2) the husband determined the religion of his children, not the wife. The implication is that women in such marriages have little to no say in the religion to be taught to the children, which is a rather bitter pill to swallow.

To return to the video, because Karim approached Denise in a very heteronormative way and she responded in kind, I’m going to assume that they’re typical straight people who want to date and eventually marry. He may be all sweet-talk with her now, but if they were to have a relationship, her beauty might not be enough to prevent him from retreating to tradition, either in terms of his long-term relationship goals or any future children they might have.

There Are Good Reasons to Not Date a Muslim Man

62 thoughts on “There Are Good Reasons to Not Date a Muslim Man

  1. 1

    I find it particularly interesting that according to Islamic law, religion is patrilineal.

    I’m Jewish, and halachically speaking (according to Jewish law), religion is matrilineal.

    What this means in practice is that if a Muslim man and a Jewish woman procreate, both Islam and Judaism would claim the child according to their respective laws.

    Even a child raised in such a household as a Muslim would be considered by Jewish law to be Jewish. Where does Islam fall on that? Is a child born Muslim but raised otherwise considered Muslim?

    1. 1.1

      Hi Jessica,

      For Muslim everyone is born muslim, even if they parent arent, but when he grow up he choose to follow a religion or
      not. So if he die a children he go to heaven.
      So religion isnt patrilineal for us, its not in the blood, the father or the mother teach the children.
      I believed this was the race that was transmitted by the mother and not the religion for the jewish ?
      Muslim men can marry jewish women, but men have the responsability of the religion, he have to teach her children.
      But of course if you marry someone who have a different religion you will talk about how to raise your children.
      Since Islam isnt a race ,the children will be considered by jewish as jewish if i understood, and by muslim as a mixed child.

      ps: sorry for my bad english

    2. 1.2

      A child who is born into a Muslim household and raised at least somewhat Muslim is considered to be Muslim unless they openly renounce the faith and do not recant that renouncing.

      1. The comment isn’t matrilineal, it’s about influence norms across all societies. Correctly, a wife loves her husband and is influenced by him (and vice versa). Our view is a believer should marry a Muslim woman who can fully support her spirituality, since a mother is the foundation of a family and frankly of all society.

        To Heina’s point about being born into a Muslim family. Sure, everyone is considered part of their family’s heritage, across all cultures. However the Muslim view is all children are Muslim. When they come of age, they continue to be, or choose an alternate path such as Christianity, Judaism, or even Atheism. For context, “Muslim” does not mean a member of Islam (i.e. Christian-Christianity, Jew-Judaism, etc.), rather is means ‘one that submits’ to the ‘fitrah’ of one’s nature.

        So in this context, we consider birds, dogs, people, even rocks and stars as ‘Muslim.’ it is humans who have the freedom of choice to conform to our fitrah/nature and be Muslim, or not and be something else.

        Long answer, but I hope this clarifies..

        PS. Muslim dudes can’t date! That’ whole problem is a cultural problem, not a religious one. Many muslims both in and out of Muslim majority countries have challenges with their faith. The story above describes what happens here, but the same often happens elsewhere. This is not a unique story to Muslims. It’s an unfortunate reality across cultures and faiths, and happens for many reasons, most frequently socio-economic reasons. Women are not treated well enough in any circumstance, but that is not due to Islam, rather a lack of it as sister Heina describes above.

        1. Hi Adam,
          I’m a white woman currently dating a Muslim man from afghanistan. I’m his first everything, whereas I have dated before. We love each other and have been dating for a few months but he hasn’t introduced me to his family yet. I’m feeling worried about some of these comments that say a Muslim man will do haarem things with white women in western society but when it comes to long term, will marry a Muslim virgin in an arranged marriage. Do you have any advice for me? Sorry for being so vague.

  2. 2

    A friend of mine is trying to have a relationship with a Kurdish woman and its fraught with problems.

    Although she is outwardly western, her family is traditional and she has made it clear that if they are found out, her brothers (who take full advantage of western culture for themselves) are likely to become violent.

    She is divorced with a young son who obviously cant be expected to keep secrets , so although they have been seeing each other for about 2 years, and is not a problem for them to be seen having a drink together as “friends”, there can be not hint that they spend any intimate time together.

    The traditional attitudes seem to start and stop at her vagina.

  3. 3

    the actual problem here is , the way Islam looks at non muslim woman
    and the way a typical muslim culture looks at non muslim woman
    where , hijab = shame
    then by default , non hijab = shameless
    uncovered , half naked , prostitute , whore , slut , bitch
    so , at the end of day , she is like a prostitute ,
    never mind if she is very gentle , polite , humorous , full of humanity ,
    but still she is like a prostitute ,
    who wears attractive dresses (attractive by islamic standards ) to attract men ,
    thereby asking for sex ,
    she herself is asking for sex openly ,
    then she should not complain about molestation and rape
    after all , she is a whore

    1. 3.1

      Not all Muslim cultures think this way, and not all Muslims do. Furthermore, other cultures and societies do the same thing. Even in my country (the United States), women are told that they are “asking for it” (“it” being rape) by dressing a certain way.

  4. 4

    Hmm… so at what point does a woman (or anyone) start rejecting people due to the prevalence of behavior within a group? There’s only a small percentage of Islamists, so that’s not a valid reason, but a larger percentage of Muslim men who have shaky commitments, so it is? Does the bar come at 5%, or 30%, or just whatever someone decides before it’s a “valid” reason?

    I’m not judging the girl for her decision, nor you for this post (which at the very leat, is helpfully informative), but it seems to raise a lot of questions related to racism and bigotry.

  5. 5

    Well said, Heina.

    Some of the men will go out partying, drinking, clubbing — you name the haraam thing, they do it (except for maybe eating pork).

    This was amusing. It’s so true. Avoiding pork is among the easiest of the “do’s and don’ts” of Islam so everybody does it. Most Muslims I know don’t pray five times a day. Not a single Muslim I know eats pork. Praying five times a day is inconvenient and hard to keep up. Not eating pork is very easy.

  6. 6

    in this case , the best way to conform the views of a muslim man , is directly asking him
    what if his sister wants to date a non muslim man
    if he says something along these lines
    that he can not allow his sister to become a whore just like a non muslim woman
    who gives away her modesty and chastity and becomes like a free prostitute
    when he says something like this ,
    he reveals his ideology for women

  7. 7

    the most amazing fact here is ,
    when its a muslim lady dressing liberal
    its pretty easy to make assumptions of whether the person is liberal or not
    but when its a muslim man
    even if he is dressing liberal
    still you can not say by his dressing ,
    whether he is liberal or not

  8. 9

    Denise’s bigotry is justified because Islam does sanction beheading, rape and sexual enslavement of infidel women, and beating of wives. Granted, not all Muslim men abide by these sanctions, but the more they devout they become, the more they are receptive to these sanctions. And I think Karim is a secular Muslim and he did the video as a lame attempt to convince gullible and naive infidels that Islam is a religion of tolerance and peace (which is not). Good of Denise for rejecting him.

  9. 10

    Sorry, just got to the bottom of the comments. Interesting and disturbing. Heina I’m impressed by your respectful nature despite your loss of faith..

    Angela sadly sounds like the lady in the video. The real world isn’t a simple binary, black and white. I accepted Islam over 20 years ago, am observant, beard, the whole nine. I have spent countless hours studying with qualified religious scholars from multiple disciplines and geographies and none of them – none of them – would agree that our Deen/religion sanctions beheadings, rape, sexual enslavement, beating our wives. This is what ignorant Da’ish/ISIS people believe, but NOBODY else. Those knuckleheads represent literally 0.001% of worldwide Muslims, and are regularly condemned, publicly by scholars, although given almost zero airtime by the media…

    So her bigotry is very sad and I wish we lived in a world where people were less bigoted. Totally.
    That being said, Karim is rolling up so some lady, spitting game, and asking her for her phone number. If you’re non-Muslim, I sincerely hope this is not your introduction to Islam. Everything he does goes against our religious teachings, is immodest (yes, men should be modest too), does not follow Islamic norms for respecting a woman, and now unfortunately this lady may never speak to another Muslim male and will sum them all up by this experience. He should be more ashamed of himself then of this lady’s reaction, however bigoted she is..

    This young man should instead use his creativity for something more inspiring, morally uplifting and inclusive. I hope that he does that insha’Allah…

    1. 10.1

      You are sadly mistaken. I’ve had conversations with numerous Muslim men and have observed how women are talked to, around, and about by them and its not well at all. Also, when I asked about the more violent ways that had been described by others to me they said “how else is that to be taken? Its plainly said.”

  10. 12

    Ooh ALLAH,
    I don’t understand that what you wanna find to this unobjectionable subject.
    Muslim mans does not prefer to violence their wives who said you all,

    huuh , polygamy , interfaith marriages is not allow for both Muslim mans /women’s.
    look , if you run truly piously on Islam , do pray on five time on everyday ,
    you will completely understand Unseen answers.
    otherwise do it Bla bla bla….


    That, Anyone who wants to understand Me and understand ISLAM, First Accept ISLAM because ESSA AS Bought ISLAM not Christianity MOOSA AS Bought ISLAM not Yahodi Because the religion of Allah is Islam. If God’s religion is not Islam so we also called Muhammadi like you are called christian/Jewish after Christ and jewish.

    Then Reading QURAN and remember me in five time daily restrictively
    We Muslims, Accept Bani Israel Yahodi Bcz we accept in SULEMAN AS , MOSSA AS , ESSA AS , and ALLAH sent every Messenger and PROPHETS

    my all non muslims Brothers and Sisters think of us understand of us, If you do not have God , ask ALLAH, Religion may give up please ask ALLAH , please ask ALLAH , just for ALLAH if you accept ALLAH.

    1. 12.1

      “Muslim mans does not prefer to violence their wives who said you all,”
      The Quran says you’re wrong. Muslim men can strike their wives, if lightly:

      “polygamy , interfaith marriages is not allow for both Muslim mans /women’s.”
      Wrong again. The Quran says men can take up to four wives:
      The Quran also says Muslim men can marry from women of the people of the book, aka Jewish and Christian women:

      “look , if you run truly piously on Islam , do pray on five time on everyday ,
      you will completely understand Unseen answers.”
      I spent 15 years doing that. Is that not enough? Should I spend my life being miserable in the hopes of someday hearing a voice in my head?

  11. 13

    The whole problem is a cultural problem..Islam means submission to God which has Ibrahim, Musa, even Isa as muslims. Bu chance a man weds a woman non-muslim if she is of the Torah, Injeel, or Quran there is no fault. The ability of muslim men to do those things isnt based on Islamic principle but cultural norms. Regardless faithful or Agnostic and or Atheist.

  12. 14

    Hi Heina. My 19 year old mexican daughter is dating an African muslim that lives in Canada. We live I’m California. He claims he doesn’t follow the muslim culture completely but I’m worried that my daughter will get a harsh reality if their relationship goes into marriage. Are there muslim men that don’t really follow their faith?

      1. Hi Heina
        I’m an 18 year old black girl that is with a 19 year old Muslim guy. Him and I have been texting for months and we video call most the time but this is the first time dating out of,my race. he’s originally from Syria and he really loves Syria even in the state that it’s in right now. he keeps telling me that home is home. he and I have had religious conversations and all but he always reassures me that my race and religion are not an issue to him and that what people say isn’t his problem because he loves me. he has never dated a black girl and after reading most of these comments, I am scared because I actually do love him and would love to spend the rest of my life with him. He smokes, swears and drinks a lot and he seems like the average teenager. he dropped out of school and is kind of taking care of the family business which he does well in. are all Muslim guys the same? should I expect him to walk out on me?

        1. TMG

          I’m late to this convo but this is exactly what his happening to my daughter. She’s been with him for 7 faithful years. He told her he respected that she’s a virgin and his first, red-flag alert. They have had a ‘perfect‘ relationship. He claimed he would never dump her for a teenage virgin bride from his homeland. Well, that clearly was a lie because he’s giving into family pressure to have an arranged marriage to this Palestinian 17 year old. My daughter thinks he’s just confused because he wants to please his family, etc. So now I have a broken-hearted daughter that wasted 7 years of her life kissing his feet. Knowing this is all too common, I never trusted his happy go lucky sweet talking charm. She converted, learned Arabic tried everything to appease him but the reality it she’s not Arab. Which she believes is the reason why his family rejected her and successfully influenced him to dump her. However, he wants to keep talking to them both and we know it’s to keep her at arms length. Thank goodness she sees through him but at the same time she makes excuses for him instead blaming his family for ‘confusing’ him, etc. He’s a ‘bleep’ and that girl’s family has been telling him it’s haram to talk to my daughter. I guess it’s not haram to talk to her heavenly daughter, double standard nonsense. I agree, a relationship with a Muslim is a risky roll of the dice. It’s not worth the gamble.

  13. 15

    I do agree with the majority when they do say it is a “cultural issue”. Its a shame that many families do not give their children the opportunity to learn about the deen, understand what it means to be Muslim and how to draw the fine line between culture and religion. In some countries, the culture is so heavily intertwined with religion that it becomes even more imperative on those Muslims to be educated in matters of aqeeda, fiqh etc. Yes, there are punishments in Islam,however there are certain conditions that must be met ( the accused act must be seen by 4 reliable and trustworthy witnesses, in terms of their Islam). that btw has never happened. also, there is the polygamy issue. yes, a muslim man can marry up to four wives but certain conditions must be met before the second marriage. he must be financially able to support the wives and divide his time fairly between them.

    1. 15.1

      I do agree with the majority when they do say it is a “cultural issue”.

      What majority do you speak of here?

      Its a shame that many families do not give their children the opportunity to learn about the deen, understand what it means to be Muslim and how to draw the fine line between culture and religion. In some countries, the culture is so heavily intertwined with religion that it becomes even more imperative on those Muslims to be educated in matters of aqeeda, fiqh etc.

      That’s not the problem here. The problem is that Islam, theologically speaking, allows men things it doesn’t allow women.

      Yes, there are punishments in Islam,however there are certain conditions that must be met ( the accused act must be seen by 4 reliable and trustworthy witnesses, in terms of their Islam). that btw has never happened.

      It never happened? Really? Tell that to all the mutilated and/or dead people who were punished this way in Muslim-majority countries.

      also, there is the polygamy issue. yes, a muslim man can marry up to four wives but certain conditions must be met before the second marriage. he must be financially able to support the wives and divide his time fairly between them.

      We all know that. That’s not the issue. The issue is that Islam allows men to do so and not women as well.

  14. 16

    I know this was posted a long time ago but it’s resonating so hard with me right now. My ex-boyfriend is Muslim and he just recently married a Muslim woman. I am a non-praticing Catholic and he assured me repeatedly over the course of our relationship that religion and his parents wishes were not important to him. I had actually known him for many years before we started dating. I considered him a friend and trusted him. He dumped me unceremoniously after I moved halfway across the country for him. Shortly after he was engaged to a Muslim woman. They had a long engagement and it’s been several years since I’ve seen him but the betrayal still stays with me. He’s well respected in my home town and I struggle to bite my tongue when people rave about how amazing he is. I’m fairly well acquainted with the pressures of being raised in a strict religion. I know being raised Catholic still carries significantly less cultural pressure than being raised Muslim but it’s not exactly a walk in the park either. I made a point of defending my ex to my Catholic friends and family. I took a lot of heat for him. I don’t like to speak in absolutes but after many years of reflection I really think he is just a bad person. I’m still angry. And I feel sorry for his wife.

    1. 16.2

      Your experience sounds so similar to mine (Although I’m still in the relationship). He is Muslim, I am Catholic. He was a friend first, he swore to me religion did not matter with his family, he claimed he was open-minded, he accepted me for who I was in the beginning and then little by little he changed things in me. On one side he is a practicing muslim, but then also parties, drinks, and is involved in bad lifestyle. He has spent half of our relationship now living abroad, I see him twice a year. He will not let me go. He becomes crazy when I try to leave. I’ve encouraged him to meet someone of his culture/religion and be happy… he will not. For me, this would be a blessing from God if this would happen. I have reached out to date other men, thinking if I fell in love with someone I would have the strength enough to stand up to him for good and leave (as suggested by a therapist I was going to about this). Without knowing I was looking at other possible suitors, my boyfriend has told me if I ever went to another man, he will kill me and that man. Obviously that scared me and I said I would never do this. Only recently he starts telling me to read the Quran and specifically Surah Nur. I read the passages and I’m horrified. I think this is a sign he knows I’ve been trying to leave, trying to seek out another suitor, and he is sending his threat. No one in my circle of friends will understand or know how to help me. My family would be terrified if they knew what my situation is. I honestly don’t know what to do next. I can’t believe I’ve ended up in a relationship like this.

  15. 17

    Only thing I can say guys is: woman all around the world DO NOT DATE Muslims. I am not saying this in order to represent Muslims and Islam in the bad way, I am saying this to help you.
    I met him when I was 26. I was virgin, waiting for right one. I loved him more then myself, he claimed same. After two years of my sacrifice to be together even though it was long distance relationship with differences in religion , culture and race, and still I handled everything he told me he will always love me but we cannot live and marry. All cause of fucking Islam. The.worst thing I was about to convert and do all what he wants. When he realizes I would really do all this he made up things. Please, girls am saying this to save some young life, cause my is wasted. Love you.

  16. 18

    You speak of the truth. I am just happy that I am strong enough to separate reality from my fantasy. I am quite hurt that he would forego happiness with me to meet his social and filial obligations, but it is not my place to point that out for him. I just have to let him go and thankful that it didn’t go any deeper that it would be so hard for me to get out of. I miss him everyday though and I wish the situation is different because it’s so hard to find someone that you connect with. But it is what it is. Thanks for this article. Reminds me that I am not insane and I am not the only one in this situation.

  17. 19

    am 21,,yrs old,and christian from east africa ,,i was in love with a somali man whom i loved with all my heart,,and despite the fact that i am strong christian,,,i was even ready to convert coz he was my heart,,buh after two years ,,i realized that he juz resently married a young girl,,and didnt tell me he has moved on,,,i tried to contact him but said that i should move on ,,,and leave him alone coz i am christian ,,,i never wronged him and i was brought up with descipline,,,the worst is that he blocked me,,,yet he was my first man in my life ,,,upto now,,,,later a muslim friend told me that their men dont marry christians as first wife,,,am stil heart broken ,,,i dont know what to do,,please help,,

  18. 20

    Hi Heina I am a British girl dating a Muslim man. I am young, Virgin and he is experienced and older than me.
    He says he is muslim but not very strict. He used to pray 5 times a day but not anymore.
    He doesn’t eat pork.
    He doesn’t know that I am Christian yet.
    He says things to make me think he is interested long-term, he mentions kids and marriage with me.
    His parents want him to be with a Muslim girl from his country.
    what is your advice to me??
    I am very nice and I like him very much.
    I don’t want to get my heart broken or be in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship.
    He is a very nice man… Does this make a difference?
    He treats me like a princess, but will that change in marriage?
    I appreciate your advice!
    Thank you kindly 🙂

    1. 20.1

      I honestly don’t feel qualified to dispense advice without speaking to you further, but I will say that hiding your religious affiliation from him is a bad idea. No relationship based on deception can end well.

  19. 21

    Just leave him. It will hurt you but you must. Only then will you realize you’re happier. As for threats…save them all and the go to police so that at least there’s a record on him. 2. Move away for a while.

  20. 22

    I have been dating a Muslim man ten years younger than myself going on eight months now . He only wants to spend time with me when convenient for him. When having sex he wants for play given to him but gives none back then it’s over once he has completed. He tells me often he loves me. By the way I am an American white woman and he will not introduce me to no one he knows. I have fallen in love with him but am very hurt over him always wanting things his way .

  21. 23

    Slowly he is doing things I ask for and need him to do. Can he change for me he says he loves me very much . I have a really hard time when it comes to sex it’s like all we do is have sex and instead I want to feel like we are making love . Will it change?

  22. 24

    I am still dating the Muslim man I have been seeing for over 10 months now. He will make no effort to let his sister know about me , I ask him if it was because I’m an American white woman he first said no because he was married to one before which he had told me about, but still says she won’t understand. I do have to say I am getting real tired of him not holding hands or showing any kind of affection in public. It’s like we’re friends when we go out, and not close friends. My love for him is very strong but very hurting, to the point that I know I deserve better.

  23. amy

    I must say that the content of a persons character means a lot.

    I don’t even know where to to begin my story. I was 23 and had just met my Muslim friend. He was funny and very polite. I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t know a lot about Islam so I asked questions and got answers from him.

    When I was sexually assaulted he was in my phone contacts and the hospital personnel called him. I never thought he’d come because I had just met him shortly before this. He was with me through every step of the way. He showed me what a man is and that it doesn’t matter what “window dressing” someone is wearing its what’s in their character that matters. My life would be less rich without him in it. After all these years he’s still my best friend and my children’s godfather. I thank god for blessing my life with him.

    If we could just respect each other and look past the outter layers of our lives we could have such wonderful blessings right in front of us.

  24. 26

    I have met a Muslim man he says all the time he loves me That he has never been married but it’s really hard to believe him after hearing this he wont’s me to get him a visa to come here but I’m scared he is just using me any comments thanks

    1. 26.2

      Understandable, but to be fair he looked middle eastern anyway, she has a right to reject his offer after finding that information out, it*s not for everyone.

      April – He is using you for a Visa, don*t bring him here, he probably has a 2 wives and multiple kids, looking to escape and bring his grotesque lifestyle here

  25. 27

    I am so saddened by everything I have just read. I have had my doubts on whether I am making the right choice in dating my muslim boyfriend. He is 8 years younger than me but is more of a man than any other guy I have dated. He is as sweet as can be and treats me right and says he wants to keep me happy. He says he is happy when I am happy and is always up for doing what I want to do. However in the beginning he has said that he wants kids. Unfortunately I can not give him any. He has also said that he plans on going back home someday. Knowing all of this I decided the relationship was not for me. But when I tried to break up with him, he didnt want it to end. I am still with him but doubt keeps nagging me. I dont want to get hurt in the long run. And after reading how wonderful these men were and then left, it breaks my heart. I know now that he will never be for me.

  26. 28

    I am currently in a one year relationship with a Muslim man. He is very passionate about his religion. We just recently got engaged and he introduced me to his family. I do not mind that he prays 5 or more times a day, eats only halal mean, doesn’t drink/ smoke, I still have a few issues that I am not okay with:
    He does not want me to drink alcohol.
    No Christmas tree is allowed in our house.
    He expects me to fast with him during Ramadan.
    If we have children, he wants them to be brought up as Muslim.
    Those issues are really bothering me because how can you expect a mother to raise a child in a totally different religion from hers. I am okay with half/half because I want my children to be able to celebrate Christmas and eat turkey during thanksgiving. It’s not fair towards me… I love him a lot and he has treated me with respect from day one. I am not sure what to do…

  27. 29

    This really saddens me. Yes she has a right to her own opinion but it is still ignorant. Ignorance is not bliss, she needs to educate herself. I have many muslim friends who are the best ones I have ever had the pleasure to become friends with. I am a Christian and woman of colour, I wish we could all look past our differences. There is so much more to life.
    I recently met an Egytpian muslim man whom I like very much and hope it progresses into a relationship. I hope that people become more open minded.

  28. 30

    You have to accept the fact you cannot change ingrained culture.Unfortunatly some Muslims preach religion but Dnt follow it behind closed doors.Its all about show to others even their own family.
    Dnt miss judge me I have some very close Muslim friends which are amazing follow their religion and not judge or culturize it.
    My story is too long but I met my British born westernised husband when I was 16 I am polish by birth but live in England and fluent in English.I Dnt drink I Dnt smoke I Dnt ever go to places like pubs or clubs not through my culture just that’s how I am and how I wish to be.
    I was very insecure and vunrable at time I met him but he was my first and I loved him with every breath I took.Fast forward 21 years all the signs were their but I chose not to take notice of them.Their was mental abuse from the start but I couldn’t see it.If he hit me I thought it was my fault.He smoked cannabis from day one people warned me he wasn’t good person to leave before he messed my life up that made me incredibly angry at people judging.Ive been through hell 5 kids later with std’s he brought home with sleeping around drinking,taking drugs while I just closed my eyes and pretended to be oblivious to it as I was his wife and he was the father of my children.You marry once and forever and have kids with one man that’s my belief and one day he will grow up or so I thought.But his narcisstic traits got worse and worse.I kept on making excuses for his behaviour and thought I feel sorry for him as his family wasn’t to nice to him always calling him for being with me thought poor guy stuck in the middle wanting approvel from his family but wanting to be with me.The family knew about me I met them,got married English way.
    Years went on he got worse he was a street lad wanted to have his cake and eat it while I was always at home looking after the children.His dad once told me over the phone that ‘my son will come back to us eventually on the right path’ I didn’t say nothing.I was totally obsessed with my husband and thought more of him than myself.He kept on saying I was twisting the children and not allowing them to be Muslim that I should be a good wife and listen to her husband and just make the kids go mosque to keep his family happy.To this day he twisted everything said one thing to me then called me behind my back with different stories what never happend.My whole point to him was I didnt have an issue about the kids being Muslim or going mosque but I won’t let them do that until he starts being one himself.I said it starts from you how can you preach your religion and expect your kids to be brought up when you Dnt practice it yourself.He couldn’t grasp that he said it doesn’t matter what I do they should do right.Eventually long story short violence and abuse got worse towards me and the children social services got involved police and that was the last straw for him I called the police on him.His family what never had a decent word to say about me said I crossed the line as a wife.Now I had to flee the house I am still in same area he is trying to blacken my name all through anyone what hears and changes his story every time.Now I think he has a new Pakistani wife he has totally dismissed his children drives past them giving them dirties.He always called them Porkeaters or White ba#*$rds they Dnt eat pork.I nearly had a breakdown he told me ‘I told you I will f#^k you up’.Its nearly been a year and I am still trying to mentally recover which is so hard.How do you accept and recover from something like this I still have legal matters ongoing I have support from professionals as I Dnt have family.He also told me how he feels sorry for me as he can start fresh life while I’m stuck with my porkeater kids (never said his or ours) He is playing the perfect wounded man who at last got rid of his white b*#ch and did the right thing.How I took all his money and now he can be free buying himself a car redoing the house.The day I moved out he got rid of every single thing what had connection to me and his kids.He took all my money I ever had,abused his kids.Whatever he did he turned it onto me.Now for past week his new wife has moved in and he is living his life like me or his kids Dnt exist his family are extatic with delight as they did say this will happen.He used abuse and religion he never followed as an excuse to use and discard when I said enough.He couldn’t hole down a proper job,his family are supporting him in some ways but he has done the right decent thing and gone to his routes.21 years of hell and my warped believe that marriage is for life whatever the issues.I one thing I didn’t want to ever become never thought I would be is a piece of white meat ‘gori’ that I was used as and discarded like nothing.I am gods creation what ever you believe in we are all connected I never forced any religion on him as I wanted to become Muslim but he made it so ugly.
    Not religion but culture destroys lives 21 years and 5 children and what Nothing.
    I keep saying to myself Dnt feel anger God has a journey for me and him let God deal with it.The only biggest journey I have is my mental state what my illusion was of him and who he really was I Cnt get to grips of it all.And my children (gods children) that I’m blessed with what scares they will have he will go around with his new wife I know she will be pregnant soon as I always said to him’i would die if you had a child to someone else’ so that exactly what will happen.
    The pain in my heart is immense for me and especially for my children.

  29. 31

    I’m a Muslim man. Not sure how I got onto this website link. Reading through the comments has been interesting and an eye opener about difficulties one is having with their muslim partner.

    There are some comments which even I detest.

    It’s a sticky situation. But I’m sure there is solution if one really wants it to work. But to make it sound impossible or no solution is a myth.

    Wasn’t It love/attraction that got you together in the first place.

  30. 32

    Hello, I am in a situation where I am 51 and a christian (greek orthodox); He is 50, indian sunni muslim from bangladesh; He is divorced with 3 kids. He was educated here in the USA since the age of 20 years old. His ex wife is from Afghanistan. We dated like 5x and spent 7 hours in Vegas together (no we didn’t spend the night together but during the 5 dates, we have had sex). He told me he is not experienced with dating but I find him sweet however due to the nature of his work and required traveling and the kids living with him instead of mom (mom lives with her family of brothers and sisters).

  31. 33

    I don’t know, even though I could agree to a lot many things said in the article, how is it just a Muslim man issue?

    Sorry to mention religion but one of my close Christian friends’ had to break up with her boyfriend coz she was not Catholic while her boyfriend was. I’ve seen this happen to a lot many of them. And I feel we’d feel the same if we were to date or marry men/women from other religions. Everyone practices differently.

    And about different rules for men n women mentioned in the Quran, I just feel it’s better that way. How about we women marrying more than one? Yeeks! I don’t really agree with a husband having more than one wife but there are all situations mentioned clearly, if n why etc.

    Sorry for all the hurt that’s been caused, honestly. The ladies who have gone through it all deserve better. But I don’t find this an issue exclusive to Muslim men.

  32. 34

    Same thing happened to me I was 27 I was working and a Muslim deaf man hit on me he was handsome clean funny and nice. I got pregnant and 3 weeks before giving birth this same 34 year old Muslim man told me he was going back to his country to marry a 20 year old Muslim girl. I know that’s there culture but i don’t respect that sorry it was his first born son and all he cared about was leaving.

  33. 35

    hi Heinz,I’m a muslim lady,23,I am in arelatuon which with a 29 year old chriatain guy and believe me I love him so much,and he is willing to stay with me,he lives me so much,buh I’m scared of my parents,I really am happy with him and I don’t wanna leave him

  34. 36

    I feel sorry for these women. It really hurts to sacrifice a lot for a man and get nothing in return.

    I have ever dated a Muslim man, East African but originally from India. The relationship was short. One of the reasons for the break up was cultural differences. Cultural differences due to religious differences.

    Religion greatly determines ones lifestyle hence culture. Change is hard. It wasn’t easy changing the
    lifestyle each of us had just for love. .

    A lesson I learnt is that culture and religion really matter. Speaking for some Christians, it’s hard for Catholics to marry non-Catholics what about religion?

    To avoid these, I think having neutral people preferably a Christian and a Muslim to guide you on the relationship. The pros and cons of interreligious relationships. It might(not will) help in avoiding heartbreaks in the future. It’s hard but giving it a try isn’t bad

  35. 37

    I have been having sexual relations with a muslim man, I am now 6 weeks pregnant with his child. What does this mean for him where his family is concerned? What does this mean for him and his religion? Is he committed to his faith if he has been intimate with me several times in the past? I am a white Christian woman. Does this mean the baby is muslim and will be raised as such?

    1. 37.1

      His family may vary in their reaction. Unfortunately, it may range from ignoring you and the child as an adulteress and her bastard, to trying to gain full custody of the child so that they can control the child’s upbringing, to encouraging him to get you to convert and marry him, to accepting and tolerating you. Without more details about them, I couldn’t tell you.

      Muslim men who sleep with non-Muslim women can be just as devout and committed to Islam as Muslim men who don’t. His willingness to have sex with you has no bearing on his faith. You call yourself a Christian, right? Many Christians would say you’re not a Christian for sleeping with a Muslim man, and without marriage at that. The same applies to him. On top of that, a lot of Muslim men think of non-Muslim women as cheap and loose, and will sleep with them but not Muslim women. There are even some interpretations of Islamic sexual law that would consider you a concubine to him and therefore allow for him to have sex with you. As long as a Muslim woman’s “purity” isn’t being violated, many Muslim men have no problem with extramarital sex.

      Islam is not considered hereditary the way, say, Judaism and Hinduism is. However, in Islam, if a couple is not married (never married to each other or divorced), full custody is generally awarded to the father after the child has passed weaning age. The child belongs to him in many Muslim eyes and should be raised as a Muslim. This may mean he and his family will feel entitled to the child and stop at nothing to get full custody, whether through the courts or through taking the child to another country.

      I would advise you to proceed with caution. Is he committed to you in any way? Are you fully committed to having this child? Go with your gut about him. You may want to leave his name off the birth certificate and/or proceed without asking him for child support so that he gets no custody rights. Not Without My Daughter may be an exaggerated movie, but the phenomenon isn’t uncommon in real life.

  36. 38

    People don’t realise that a huge percentage of Muslim men practice homosexual sex with men& they will use non Muslim men for seedy sex and then discard them once they find a hood Muslim wife . This is especially prevalent in Pakistani men in U.K. and west . They have no remorse , morals or empathy and will use and discard at will for crude sex .

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