Ajar Thread: A Question That Stumped Google

I’ve been Googling since about the year 2000, when I heard about this newfangled, clean search engine from a lady talking about it on some AM radio station. Very rarely has my Google ability failed me, and yet, it is failing me right now. I’ve searched far and wide (and even tried Bing), but alas, no one seems to have written anything about it.

Body hair softening. Body hair softening broke Google.

Sure, you can find plenty of articles about how to soften those long facial or head hairs, or soften shorter body hairs in preparation for shaving, but there is very little to nothing on how to soften short body hairs with the intention of keeping them. The few tips out there — conditioner, coconut oil, moisturizers in general, ensuring the growth isn’t sharp from shaving — are all things I figured out intuitively, but haven’t helped me to achieve the results that I want. Oils and creams tend to sink into my skin rather than stay on the actual hair.

This might be me coming out as hairy-legged (cue the stereotype jokes). It’s a new thing for me; I may not stay this way if I can’t figure out how to make the hair feel nice and soft and lay flat in its silkiness.

Do you have any advice or tips on how to soften body hair? Have you ever had a question that stumped even the vast Interwebz? This is your cue to share.

Ajar Thread: A Question That Stumped Google
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10 thoughts on “Ajar Thread: A Question That Stumped Google

  1. 2

    I recently saw a cheesy commercial for “no no hair removal system.” It looks to be light based, and I was incredulous about the claims made in the commercial. Turns out the reviews are universally negative for actually removing hair, but a number of them said it only softened the hair. Might be functional for what you are after. Seemed kind of expensive though.

  2. 3

    I did find this:

    One of my weirder hobbies is I make my own soaps and lotions. There is a particular lotion I designed for a friend (she loads packages for UPS and spends a lot of time in gloves, A/C, and sweat) that is mostly shea butter with a bit of oil and scent. It’s terrific moisturizer and I’ve noticed it softens fuzz pretty nicely. There is a recipe at the bottom of the link-farm here: http://ranum.com/fun/projects/soap/index.html (see “body butter”) Shea butter by itself is great and is about $9 for a pound tub on amazon. It also makes a wonderful leather cream if you’ve got leather other than your skin that needs conditioning.

    I could easily be talked into whipping up a batch (I actually have promised some of the butter to several friends) if you’re not into making weird messes in your kitchen. Contact me offline if you want to get on the list!

    1. 3.1

      Oh, one point that “womentribe” link above makes which I totally agree with: commercially made soaps are actually pretty rough on your hair and skin. I’ve been bathing with stuff for the last couple years that basically produces a lather like shaving cream and has an effect similar to bathing with lotion. Really. The stuff they sell in stores is (of course) made with the cheapest possible ingredients and tons of mineral oil and siloxane and guar gum. Those latter two ingredients specialize in making things feel slick and slippery (because that’s what we interpret as “clean”) but they really dry you out. When I started with the lotions it was castille soap cut with virgin olive oil. OK, so I smelled like a Greek pizza but that didn’t bother me!

  3. 4

    Softening is going to be a matter of conditioners. Good luck because most of our body hairs are going to remain about as soft as they are created by the body to be. Similarly they lay as flat as the body, the angle of the follicle and erector muscles, tell them to be. Not much you can do about that.

    I suspect Botox would stun the erector muscles enough to keep them as flat as the angle of the follicle allows, but Botox is poison and injecting it all over seems a bit extreme.

    You might try the No-no but beware. It uses heat to singe off the hair and may not work, big surprise, as well as th ads suggest. Review of No-no at bottom of the page:


    You can shave, pluck, or burn, the hair off but it will grow back. permanent hair removal is an option but it isn’t cheap or painless. Bleaching may help, I went out with a girl who bleached her hair and until the light hit it just right you couldn’t tell she hadn’t shaved. She had very fine hair so that likely helped. I think the bottom line here is that we are hairy apes.

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