Ajar Thread: Let’s Make Allah’s Throne Shake Tonight, Baby

A little while back, Ed covered Bryan Fischer’s claim that the Christian god recoils at the sight of two men having sex. This reminded me of something I was taught from a fairly young age regarding homosexuality in Islam.

It is said that when a man mounts a man, the Divine Throne shakes out of the fear of Allah’s Wrath and the Heavens Tremble.
Then the angels start reciting, “Say: ‘He is Allah, the One; Allah, the self-sufficient. He does not beget nor is He begotten, and there is none like Him” (Ikhlas 112 1-4) until his wrath subsides.

Granted, this is pretty weak as far as even the standard for theological evidence goes, but that didn’t stop the Muslims around me from quoting it with impunity.

Now that I know many queer former and current (yes, they exist) Muslims, add in my love of coming up with oddly-specific, clever, and/or cringe-worthy pick-up lines that, mind you, I’ll never use, and you get the idea.

What are some pick-up lines that you enjoy? Bonus points for oddly specific ones. Would you respond positively if they were actually used on you by a not-awful person? Have you ever tried a line like that? How did it go?

Ajar Thread: Let’s Make Allah’s Throne Shake Tonight, Baby

7 thoughts on “Ajar Thread: Let’s Make Allah’s Throne Shake Tonight, Baby

  1. 1

    Shaking throne? Sounds like the old Magic Fingers units on Motel beds. Stuff in a few coins and the bed vibrates. A vibrating throne sounds like a good idea, might put a smile on Allah’s face.

  2. 2

    I had the gay sex on the 4th, but didn’t notice this post in time to make it happen tonight. Technically it’s still the night of the 5th here (early AM the 6th), but it just isn’t in the cards. 😛

    –That’s my response to the title’s challenge. As to the question, I’ve never had the gumption to do pick-up lines or even bother coming up with them. Well, isn’t this boring? All the time I see plenty of beautiful bodies I’d like held against me (per that one), but that’s no kind of way to treat a person.

    1. 3.1

      I thought I was being kind of silly rather than angry. That you saw “fury” in a rather flippant post and repurposed a very misogynistic saying to do so makes me wonder if you’re seeing something in me that’s not really there based on a factor that ought to be irrelevant but, sadly, often is not.

  3. 4

    As you say, there’s no authentic or ‘saheh’ hadeth to do with giving Allah’s throne the shakes whether the death of sa’d b muadh or homosexual love… though dhahabe in his Noble Lives (1 / 297)
    والعرش خلق لله مسخر ، إذا شاء أن يهتز اهتز بمشيئة الله .انتهى.

    The throne is a created, subjected thing – if Allah wants to shake, then shake it shall

    Speaking of shaking…here’re more antics, this time frim from Bayhaqe’s sunan al-kubra 2 / 227

    عن جده أنس بن مالك قال كن إماء عمر رضي الله عنه يخدمننا كاشفات عن شعورهن تضطرب ثديهن
    قال الشيخ والآثار عن عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه في ذلك صحيحة

    Anas bin Malik said: ‘The slave-girls of Umar were serving us with uncovered hair and their breasts shaking”

    I’ve heard of ‘shake shake shake, shake your booty’ by KC and the Sunshine band.

    Another hadeth or should I say ‘athar’

    عن نافع ، عن ابن عمر ” أنه كان إذا اشترى جارية كشف عن ساقها ووضع يده بين ثدييها و على عجزها

    Nafi narrated that whenever Ibn Umar wanted to buy a slave-girl, he would inspect her by analysing her legs and placing his hands between her breasts and on her buttocks”
    Sunnan Al-Kubra, Volume 5 page 329


  4. 5

    Heh. This reminds me of Sex In Christ dot com, which is a hilarious site, made all the more so because I still can’t figure out if it’s serious or not. Someone should make a Muslim companion site, because clearly Islamic scripture is ripe for mining.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *