The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 6

Content note: fantasy/horror violence, and plenty of it. Also some references to sexism, misogyny, misogynist violence, and some sexual content.

In response to this post on Facebook, from dating coach Jonathon Aslay:

How a Woman Becomes Irresistible To a Man… She chooses to set high standards for herself. She’s clear on what she wants. She knows the value of friendship before sex. She comes from a place of gratitude (not expectations). She is confident and willing to ask a man out on a date because she knows a relationship is a two way street. She demonstrates trust and respect by accepting him for who he is. She’s in no hurry to get to the destination. She can take of herself, she doesn’t need a man. She shows up interesting and interested. She comes from a place of compassion (not entitlement). Lastly, she knows how to inspire a man, because she leads by example. Did I miss anything?

Facebook feminists bring you: The Irresistible Woman. Part 6 of a series. All micro-stories reprinted with permission of the authors, credited and linked to (or not) as they requested.

DISCLAIMER: References to violence, death, destruction, physical torment, psychological torment, supernatural torment, world domination, eternal nightmares, or the warping of the entire space-time continuum to exact revenge on one sexist jerk, are all intended as metaphor. These are fictional expressions of rage and mockery, aimed at the impossible, contradictory, ever-shifting standards of female desirability, and at the barrage of advice given to women about how to meet those standards. None of the authors actually want to do these things, or think they should happen. No, really.


In response to someone named Aaron, who called the others in the thread “killjoys”:

The irresistible woman kills all your joy. –Yvonne Rathbone

The irresistible woman kills all joy and then reignites it with her flaming wings, but not Aaron’s joy, never Aaron’s. The irresistible woman will leave Aaron without joy forever. -Amy Lou Renner

The irresistible woman would never kill your joy, for she needs it alive in order to continue feeding on it. Rather, she keeps it under lock and key, visiting when she needs to siphon screams from its pulsating form, promising only what she must in order to ensure that it remains alive still, throbbing, nectar-sweet. You will never see it again, but she will give it hope, for it is foolish joy, without forethought. -Gertrud

She is known by many names, all sobriquets. For every moniker by which she is known, there are always three more to be discovered. None are her True Name, though, for to know that would be to stare into the Abyss and know madness, and to speak it would undo the Cosmos. –Scott David Weitzenhoffer

The irresistible woman is not a person at all, but a force like gravity. Or magnetism. All will love her & despair, for to deny her does not change the laws of physics. –Kassiane

The irresistible woman doesn’t eat your food. She dines on pulsars and shipwrecks. –Yvonne Rathbone

She not only puts up with you. She opens up with you. Opens so far that you see vast plains and stretches of sky, and stars stretching for infinite distance. You fall in. Before you know it, you find yourself on a strange new world, inhabited by creatures made only of teeth and talon, with no regard for the silly plaything that you call “life.”

Desperately you try to cling to the last vestiges of humanity, recalling your shape, your skin, your name. Nothing. You are one of them now. -Gertrud

Her straw reaches across the room and starts to drink your milkshake. She drinks your milkshake!

::slurping noises::

She drinks it up! . -Gertrud

And they’re like…
“Oh, God, somebody, please, help me!”

Damn right, it’s better than yours.

She can teach you to feed on the souls of the living, but she’ll have to charge. -Kitt McKenzie

She puts the lotion on her skin. She’s dancing with the hose again. –Greta Christina

She has been Julie D’Aubigny, Deborah Sampson, Mochizuki Chiyome, Nina Onilova. She has been called a thousand names, and will be called thousands more before the sun grows dim and cold. She has died countless times, and each time she returns. She fights for truth. She fights for justice. She fights for equality.

She is irresistible. -Peter Eng

At first you think The Irresistible Woman is the devil, but after time has worn away the shock, you’ve come to realize you’ve seen her kind of eyes watching you from underneath a rock.

Then, of course, before you’ve had time to react she eats your pancreas like on toast a tender dessert cheese. -Kitt McKenzie

She’ll only come out at night, because that’s when you feed on the flesh of the living, of course. She’s deadly, man, and she could really rip your world apart. And your spleen. And your tendons and muscles and basically all your living tissue and vital organs, and also stuff like your toenails. The beauty is there, but the beast is between her legs. Hiding. Waiting to digest you.

She’s a maneater. -Kitt McKenzie

I think the irresistible woman should be the next meme. -Kitt McKenzie

All attempts to depict her image have failed. Photographs, watercolors, etchings: all disintegrate the moment the image becomes clearly what it is. She’s tried taking selfies, but her phone dissolves into a puddle of terrified bliss the moment it snaps her image.

So the meme might have to feature a cute cat. THE IRRESISTIBLE CAT! –Greta Christina

Oh, the irresistible cat sounds like the perfect decoy to distract her victims. Good plan. -Kitt McKenzie

Rancors get thrown into the irresistible woman pit. -Kitt McKenzie

She forges almighty arrows of glorious vengeance in the blazing fires of her vagina. -Kitt McKenzie

Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Once there, they find themselves entangled in her sticky web. The more they fight, the more hopelessly entangled they become. Soon, the fight drains from them. They do not want to leave, they only wish to be in her presence. As she crawls down the web towards them, she produces a straw. Soon they will understand what the milkshake is made of. -Danny Strawn

What makes a woman irresistible to a man? That’s easy. She must be larger than life. All other life in the Universe. She must be huge, big enough to attract and hold an atmosphere. She must support multicellular life upon her skin. She must roam the galaxy, always hungry, devouring whole worlds and their inhabitants without mercy. She must be fear and death incarnate. One day, when all other life has been consumed, when there are no more worlds to satisfy her, she must turn to that which lives upon her, devouring those who have benefitted so long from her murderous rampage across the Universe, living off the heat of a billion worlds. She must then find herself alone in the void of time and space, victorious over all. -Isobel Taylor

She’s simply a folktale to make fools behave
A campfire fiction, hair-raising and grave
Her fable is brutal and though you’re enthralled
The IW’s not real; she cannot be called

Every telling is ghastly
And each tongue has its turn
To embellish her horrors
But you show no concern

For no yellow-eyed harpy
Nor viperous tooth
Shakes a rational heart
Or tricks a man from the truth

So you drift off serenely
Quite lickety-split
To the dark, dreamless sleep
Of a white, privileged git

Your home is your fortress
Your bed feathered and warm
One can rest like the dead
When the world does him no harm

But the shadows do tremble as you doze in your tomb
They fade fast into nothing as the starlight’s subsumed
The moon hides its face
All light traces escape
And a moan like the suck of the void fills the gloom

It is just sleep’s invention that makes the bed creak?
And what’s that gently brushing your somnolent cheek?
She coalesces in form
The dread empress is born
You might run but you can’t even speak

With your face in the cage of cadaverous hands
You’re petrified, spellbound, as her desire demands
Now there’s no other choice
But to thirst for her voice
After all, you are only a man

A dark, dreadful longing confuses your fear
As her husk of a whisper writhes into your ear
Her breath curdles the air
And you lust with despair
For the last words that you’ll ever hear:

“She’s a craze you’d endorse
She’s a powerful force
You’re obliged to conform
When there’s no other course

She used to look good to me
but now
simply irresistible”
-Katie Kate


The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 1
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 2
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 3
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 4
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 5
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 6
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 7

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 6
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